I Came Out to My 14 Year Old Daughter Last Night

[AllieSummers]

Hi Girls,

Well the circle is complete. I came out to the last person on my short list.

Oh God, this was one of the hardest things I've had to do in my life. My wife was hard to come out to, my oldest daughter a little easier but this one took the cake. I was worried on two fronts. First, would she look at me differently because of this. Second, would it harm her in any way. Being 14 is tough enough. You haven't really figured all of this sex stuff out yet. You are a woman and you're not at the same time. I was concerned whether or not it could cause her some psychological issues or change the way she looked at herself.

I was scared to death. I told Heather (my 22 year old daughter) that I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I definitely was having some typle of anxiety attack. :(

I had told Natalie (my 14 year old daughter) that I needed to talk to her. She thought it was about her new boyfriend. He is 16 and drives. She thought it was the "sex, drinking and drugs talk". We had that talk when she was a lot younger but now she is the age where it really means something.

I picked her up from her friend's house. As we drove home I got more and more nervous. I wanted to wait until her mother got home so we could both be there to support her. As we got into the driveway she got a call from a friend. They were having a birthday dinner for her best friend and invited her to go. I told her we already had plans. She got a little mad at me. I thought this wasn't getting off on the right foot...maybe I should not do it...but I had to. This scenario had happened the last 3 times I wanted to tell her. Tonight was the night. No turning back.

We went inside. I went into my bedroom where I had my computer set up on the bed with a letter I was written to her. I wanted to lay it out the way she could understand and for me it is easier to read something so I make sure I cover it the best way and make all the points that need to be made. I know that doesn't sound very personal but when you balling your eyes out it is very personal. Her mother was on her way home with dinner so I didn't want to do it right then.

Natalie came in, plopped on the bed and said, "ok let's get this over with".

I just went for it. I read her a letter that I wrote for her. If you want to read the details you can go to my blog and read the post for Tuesday, July 28th 2009.

Here is the link:
http://profiles.yahoo.com/alliesummerscd

We both cried through the entire letter. I broke down two or three times. She sobbed. In the end, I asked her if she hated me. She moved across the bed and grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug ever and said, "Nothing has changed. I'll always love you."

It felt so good to hear that. We talked in more detail. I answered her questions. Then I showed her pictures of me dressed. Later we went through some of my clothes and she just giggled the whole time. It was good to see her laugh. She wasn't laughing at me, she just thought it was cute and funny. :)

What a relief. I've now told everyone that I plan to tell about this. The circle has been completed.

Kisses,

Allie

[Sandra]

Aren't kids amazing. :D


Dunno about having you two in tears I needed the tissues here after reading that lol

Glad it went well, she may have more questions and of course there's a possibilty of wanting to borrow your clothes :D

We told our daughter at the same age, she's 20 this oct, her reaction was the same as your daughters, except she did say that she'd had an idea :eek: and we thought we'd been so careful.

[chrissie-h]

Hi Allie,
A great story! I haven't yet come out to my daughters. Just too scared at what the reaction might be ... I suppose. But I do feel the younger generation is a lot more open minded about crossdressing than our generation is.
You do look very good, which I'm sure helps!:battingeyelashes:

[Holly]

Congratulations, Allie. I'll bet you'll find a lot less tension in the house now. You and your wife evidently have raised some wonderful children.

[stephaniedoes]

oh allie i really hope it continues to go well for you and your daughter. i was scared for you when i started reading your thread then what a relief.. good for you.

[Ðarissa]

You got me crying now... ;)

Glad that worked out well for you Allie. That's a great story, thanks for telling it. :)

[xAnne_Mariex]

So happy for you Allie, really heartwarming story and I can only hope I meet someone as cool as your wife one day, you must be so proud of your littlens too :love:

[Olivia]

Good for you Allie! Oh girl but your post brought the memories flooding back, and the tears. I am so glad for you and completely understand your relief. I had to laugh a lil' when you said you thought you'd have a heart attack. I think I said the same thing to my wife just before I came out to my two children. I've often wondered what my 'vitals' must have been at that moment. I remember hugging my daughter Ann, crying with her, telling her I was sorry, her replying, "you have nothing to be sorry about Dad". Wow, I'll be thinking of your story all day today Allie. Congratulations to you and her! Olivia

ps. You have to feel a little vindication in how you raised them don't you? It feels good too, doesn't it?
O

[Alana65]

I totally agree with what Sandra felt, Allie. That letter to your daughter was sooooo moving & beautiful, I had to wait several minutes after reading it before I could type this post.......I couldn't see the keys through the tears of joy. :hugs: & :love: to you and your family.

[swiss_susan]

Now if I had been in need of a heart warming post to brighten my day, I found one.

Allie, thanks for sharing this and I am happy that it went so well. You have a very loving and supportive family it seems.

The letter you wrote was very moving.

:love:

[Bethany38]

Allie is it not wonderful to have this all out with the kids? I recently came out to my 13 yr old son. He was way cool with everything. I know ever since i kicked the hinges off the door to everyone close to me, i have felt so much better.

[AllieSummers]

It does make you feel good that you have not only raised two wonderful girls but also know that you have that "unconditional love" that I talked about in an earlier post. If someone truely loves you then should love this side of you because it is a part of who you've always been.

Chrissie...I understand your fear but the joy that being honest with them will be well worth it.

Thank you all for the kind comments. :)

Kisses,

Allie

[MJ]

kids are amazing i told my children and they all accept me. whatch out now your children will want to help dress you do your makeup have fun time i am so happy for you :hugs:

[Sarah_GG]

Allie - that's a beautiful letter, it had me reaching for the tissues too.

After some deliberation we've decided that our kids don't need to know... for now, unless they specifically ask the question. They're all about to fly the nest for uni and so need never know. We don't know whether that's right or wrong, but it's what we've decided for now.

We do know though that it means they'll all be subconsciously aware of a kept secret within the home but we've weighed it up and, for us, this is what we believe will work for our collective kids.

I applaud you for taking the step that you have. As you say, the circle is complete.

:love:

[Rachel M]

I think it is awesome you were able to share allie with your short list of people. I have some questions. I might have missed or forgot about it in other post, but what is your expectation of them on guarding your "secret?" You have come to terms and acceptance of your inner circle sharing/knowing about allie. Did you give them a green light to share Allie with others outside the circle? I only asked because it can become a burden to keep it secret. I would love to expand my circle of knowing to my children but unsure if they would be able to cope not being able to tell others.
Rachel

[bobi jean]

Allie
O. M. G.
WHAT AN AMAZING LETTER YOU WROTE
I have not cried yet, but I sure hope the phone doesn't ring, I'm sure I will not be able to speak while I am thinking of it.
I don't know what else to say. shutting me up isn't easy either, but this is just about the most beautiful coming out story (letter) I have ever read or come across. Congradulations on your coming out to those who mean the most to you and a really big congradulations to you for raising such an amazing family. Out of curiosity, how long did it take you to write that letter? I can only imagine how many times it was edited before you were completely happy with it
The very very best to you and yours, hope all remains well, I'm sure it will NOW!!

[AllieSummers]

Hi Sarah,

The decision is up to the individual. The way I look at it if they don't need to know, then they don't need to know. I don't plan to come to everyone I know.

There was a good reason to tell my daughters (and a few others) in my case.

The first people I came out to (other than my wife) was two really good friends, a married couple. They are both very good friends, almost family, with me and my wife. My wife needed someone she could talk to about this and Marj was a good choice. It really helped her.

I only get to dress when I go out of the house and it ends up being some club or something in the "gay" part of town. I had a hard time getting dressed at home and sneaking out and honestly, I didn't want to only dress when I went out to a club. I wanted to dress around the house on occassions and do more "regular" things...just sit and watch a movie or something. That would require me telling eveyone that lives with me. My wife also started traveling with me and they all knew something was up...there was a lot of sneaking around going on. :)

So based on that, the next was my 22 year old daughter. Then her fiance. I didn't want to tell them at the same time in case Heather thought it would have a negative affect on their relationship. Dustin is a a really good kid and we are very close so she wanted to tell him so he could support her a little.

Last, but not least, was my 14 year old that I told last night.

Now I can dress around the house without worry. I'm going to break them in slowly, maybe have them make me up for a movie night or something. I don't want to shock them at this point. :)

Rachel...I was concerned about whether or not it would be looked at as a burden but I don't think it will be. Since things aren't really going to change, I'm not changing, their mother isn't changing, their lives aren't going to change, etc. then it should just be a little thing that is a side note. I didn't make it a big deal and I don't think it is a big deal to them. I told my youngest that I was fine with her telling anyone she wanted to...but...if she did it would possibly have bigger represcussions on her than me. Going into high school you don't want people knowing that your father is a CD. :)

Bobi Jean...It was amazing but I wrote that whole letter in less than an hour. I did edit a couple of times but it just flowed out. As you have probably already noticed most of my posts are short novels (people give me a hard time about that). But the words just seam to flow out of me when I write. I guess I have a knack for it. I'm keeping a blog right now that I plan to make into a book of some type later. I think it might help people that are going through this stuff.

Kisses,

Allie

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Good for you, Allie, it had me wiping my eyes as well. You have a wonderful family, bless your daughters and your spouse for being so loving and accepting of who you are. All of us should be so lucky.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Melissa Rose]

Allie, that is an extremely sweet and touching letter. You have an amazing family, and I know you feel blessed and lucky. It is probably safe to say you have inspired and gave courage to others to eventually take the difficult step of coming out to their loved ones. Thank you so much for sharing your story and journey with us.

[Trycia]

Wow Allie, amazing story. I'm happy for you that your burden is now gone & can live life more how you'd like to.

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

Allie,
After reading your letter,it almost moved me to tears.Its great that yu came out to your family and friends.You and I are almost alike,same age,knew I was kind of different growing up,attracted to feminine stuff and have an accepting wife. The only thing I don't have are children.My wife couldn't conceive due to a condition but I sure wish I had a daughter and a son but it wasn't meant to be.You're blessed to have two wonderful daughters.



Felicity

[kristinacd55]

Wow Allie, what a letter! Good for you, I've got 2 daughters 23 & 18 and don't think I could tell them. Perhaps I could use your letter as a guide to help if & when I do it! :daydreaming:

[AllieSummers]

Kristina,

You are welcome to use my letter. Anything I can do to help. I post things on here because it helps me better understand myself by putting my feelings into tangible words, but the main reason is that I hope it helps others. Nothing would make me feel better than to know that something I've written has been used to make another person's life happier.

Kisses,

Allie

[Lissa Stevens]

I'm glad things worked out for you. I haven't had the nerve to have the talk yet but hearing positive stories, like this one, give me encouragement.

[pattyv]

Allie-I also reached for the tissues when reading your post.What a beautiful family you have.So loving and balanced. We have three sons-26-23-and 19, but have not told them yet.I'll get my wife to read your post, but I probably will not come out to them yet.Thanks for sharing this poignant pivotal moment in your life. As usual you look so pretty.

[deja true]

I know this feeling of exhilaration after having come out to my loved ones within the past couple of months. It was the scariest thing in the world to anticipate doing, and yet it was the most comforting thing in the world to be hugged, kissed and told that you're loved despite your fears.

But you have to know your confidants well. You have to know that they love you. And that they have always seen you as a trustworthy and caring individual, that you've never lied to them, never been hypocritical, and lived your life for them and not solely for yourself.

They have to know that you love them, trust them and respect them and their judgement. And, of course, you still have to be the same solid rock of a person that they've always known.

Now you've got another couple of "boundary makers" in your life. But if all of the above holds true, then those boundaries are ones of velvet and love rather than barbed wire and recrimination.

Like my gorgeous and intelligent SO told me when I finally managed to tell her (after I told her daughters!), "I think we might be able to have some fun with this!"

Hooray for you Allie!

:)

[MelissaSue]

Thanks for sharing this wonderful story, Allie! I've often wondered if this kind of revelation is harder for sons or daughters to take (given that I have both). After thinking a lot about your words (and I loved reading every one, BTW!), I suspect that it's more a function of the relationship you have with your children, male or female, and how you've helped raise them.

I'm so happy for you...

[Alicia Waves]

Thank you Allie, for sharing. You are so inspiring to me
Hugs, Alicia

[tanya-uk]

Hi Allie, thats wonderful. I came to my 19yr old daughter and she thought it was great. Hope you have as much fun dressing and shopping as we do, keep an eye on your things though, they tend to borrow a lot. :)

[Melanie R]

Allie,

I am so pleased that your talk went so well with your younger daughter. Your letter to her was perfect. Now you can be enfemme around the house without having to hide - if this is aceptable to your duaghter and wife. My younger daughter was 14 when she was told by my deceased ex-wife about her sick crossdressing father. She now accepts her father but does not want to see me dressed whereas the older daughter who died unexpectedly in 2007 loved going places with Melanie as does her daughter.

[Ras]

congratulations...I bet the surely take a HUGE load off of you now that they all know and seem to be accepting of it.

[Sally24]

Congratulations! I know how it feels to have that weight lifted from your shoulders!

If you want to do more normal things around the house dressed I have a suggestion.....My wife and daughter and I have a "Day of Beauty" every so often. We pick out a few chick flicks, get together our foot massage/soak appliances, try scrubs and facial masks, and do manicures and pedicures on ourselves and each other. We make up small snacks and just sit and have a relaxed girls day all day long. It can really make you all feel comfortable and close in a feminine sort of way. Try it, you'll like it!!

[CharlotteW]

I enjoyed reading that, thanks for the post and well done to you.

[Heather_Marie]

Allie congrats for you and your family it's great to tell everyone you love about who you really are you really inspire me I am going to have to face that bridge soon with my daughter she is a little young for knowing right now but I hope she is as loving as yours was with you.

[Marissa]

Wow, Allie..making leeps and bounds in opening up to those closest to you..and each time it can be frightening but in the end with acceptance, it is the greatest feeling..especailly when its your little girl.. :daydreaming:

As in my post, I was overcome with joy, just wish she would have been here to hug deeply..and of course, like a girl, shed a tear or two.. :battingeyelashes:

Not sure if it will be the same as you were lucky to have, but for some reason, I believe our little 'daddy's girl' are the same and will want to see all as your's did.

Unfortunately, due to a family issue that she is assisting with, it will be another 3 weeks before I see how my story plays out..

I'm just so happy to see how your next chapter has ended..

until the next chapter..

Hugs and a big smile.. :)

[AllieSummers]

Sally...that is a great idea. I had thought about having a "movie night" where we all get dressed up, bring in some dinner and then watch a movie together. I think your idea is much better. We can do little girly things and my youngest can see the transformation and get to know Allie a little bit better.

I think they are both going to be ok with me dressing around the house but I want to break them in slowly...especially my 14 year old....don't want to scare her off or anything.

As far as inspiration...thank you so much. I'm so happy that I have inspired some of you but I'm just a regular girl that is trying figure this all out. :)

YOU ALL have inspired me and I wouldn't have been able to do this without you.

Thank you all so much for the overwhelming response you have given me. I feel so humbled by it all.

Kisses,

Allie

[Staci]

Congratulations. That had to be nerve racking preparing for those discussions. My wife is the only one in our family that knows. Although my daughter did catch me in high heels once. All she said was, "nice shoes dad". Enjoy your new found freedom. This is my 500th post and I could not imagine a more fitting post to reply to than one that illustrates that families are strong and will always love each other.

[Aubrey Green]

Unconditional love proves itself again. I am so happy for you Allie. One less stress in anyones life is all a person can ask for. Congratulations!!

:daydreaming:

[Andy66]

That's awesome! Sounds like you have a really great family. I think those kids are lucky to have you too, because obviously you've taught them to be open, caring people.

[Fab Karen]

Good going. Your kids will be well-adjusted adults. People with parents like you are lucky.

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Allie now that you did the hard part by telling your daughter now you can enjoy the person you want to be.

[Alicia_lynn419]

Allie,

What a beautiful story! My eyes welled up reading it. Nt only are you and exceptional lady, but you are a wnderfull daddy! Your daughters are blessed!

Allie

[StaceyJane]

I read the letter to your daughter. It was beautiful.
I'm so glad this went so well for you.

[Jilmac]

Isn't it amazing how resiliant kids are? It sounds like her love for you is unconditional.:thumbsup:

[Monica93304]

Allie, I've never chatted with you on this board but I think you're great.

I cried through the whole letter. It could be made into a movie.

Hugs,

Monica.

[kimkat]

Your letter caused me to have tears in my eyes. I could almost picture the two of you there sharing this moment. I imagine you feel like a lead weight has been lifted from you.

<passes tissues to everyone>

[Lidia_tv]

That was an incredibly brave thing to do. I admire you for doing it. And I'm happy for you that it worked out fine. :thumbsup: