Trying to get caught

[BethCD]

Hi all, My daughter will be visiting this weekend....I've been thinking of leaving some small hint "out" to be found. Just something to get her started thinking....She has brought Eddie Izzard video before which I showed interest in.
But I'm looking for something else and can't decide, not looking for a confrontation just yet ( Dad, are this your heels?, etc....)
Any suggestions?
Love ya all, thanks, Beth :strugglin

[uknowhoo]

If it were me, I don't think I'd let my daughter know in this manner. I'd wait 'til I knew I was ready to do so, then broach the issue...find an opportunity when I knew I'd have an hour or two to honestly and frankly discuss the issue, both of your feelings, etc.

If you do stick with plan A, maybe a book on CDing left out on the kitchen table might work.

[Julie]

Beth,

I agree with Tammi. The problem I see is your daughter will see things and begin to wonder but might be too afraid to confront you. That will leave her with a lot of unanswered questions she might not be able to deal with.

If you instead educated her about CDing one on one and when she asks why you are telling her about this or why you know so much about it, tell her. If you're compassionate and caring and understanding, I'm sure she'll be okay. Just be ready for it to possibly take some time. Remember, you're still the parent here and she'll expect you to act like one.

[JoAnnDallas]

You always do the reverse thing. That is ask her if she knows what a CD is and then ask her WHAT IF your Dad was a CD. You know the old WHAT IF questions. Sometimes that works.

[Tristen Cox]

Not trying to be the voice of reason, but can I ask why you feel the need to risk doing this?

[emmicd]

I would write down on a sheet of paper my feelings and how much I love my wife and child and express everything in a truthful manner addressed to the person you wish to open up to. In this case your daughter. Then I would tuck it away in a safe place and when you feel ready for her to learn about you as a complete person then I would share it with her.

Sometimes a well thought out and clear writing that is coming from you personally and shared could be an effective means of communication.

That's how I would do it.

Emmi

[Jenny Beth]

Many years ago my teenage daughter snooped around and found some of my things. The outcome was not good and it took years for us to finally talk. If you feel you want your daughter to know then sit her down and tell her, letting her find things might very well backfire on you and cause her undo stress and pain.

[Cindy K]

I agree with Jenny.

When I told my Mum I sat her down and told her I wanted to tell her something before she found out from some one else. I started by giving her a photo to look at. Then I took it from there.

Our son who is nine now has no problems with dad wearing girlie stuff like earrings, nail polish, ladies sippers, and even occasionally floating by in a skirt, although he’s never seen me fully dressed yet.

We have decided to leave it till he is about 13 before telling him about the true extent of dads X dressing. But knowing our son the way we do and how we have brought him up makes us both confident that it will not be an issue for him.

[Mandy Salamander]

Hey Beth, I think you're approaching this from the wrong angle,,,rather than LEAVING hints out FOR your daughter, maybe you should concentrate on SEARCHING for hints FROM her,,look and listen for hints from her that she is likely to accept your CDing or at least open to the possibility,,,then wait for till the appropriate moment presents itself (as a parent, you'll know it when it happens) and then MAKE THE TIME to fully discuss the situation,,in the meantime you can get together any information, visual aids, etc., you may feel necessary and prepare yourself to answer many questions,,,additionally there are several threads en forum on this subject to read, and a few of us, myself included, who are out to our children and would likely be willing to support, at least speaking for myself,,,this is how I handled it with my daughter, now 20,,,,I hung on her every word for nearly a year, before deciding on the right moment/stimulus,,,she has since been a great comfort, remarkably accepting and supportive,,,and apparently it's "cool" amongst her friends to have a TG parent, she's even taken me to a Korn concert-en femme,,and introduced me to a couple local goth clubs that are TG-Friendly,,,I wish you luck, and truly hope all turns out for the best,,,remember, our future acceptance by the general public begins with our children.

[RachelDenise]

I agree that the best approach is for you to prepare when it is going to happen. Continue to wait for the time when you have ample oppotunity to discuss your interests and be able to answer all her questions. Leaving hints only pushes the timetable forward and doesn't give you the control of the situation.

[BethCD]

Thanks everyone, All great advice. I've already gotten a sense that she'd be accepting of such things, she's very open minded and caring.
Tristen, As my wife already knows of Beth and it's a wonderful thing to not have to hide....I still have to hide re: the kids. I guess I was looking for an ice-breaker to open up the conversation. I hate being dishonest with the rest of the family.
Mandy, I think she is already there, but I think I'm going to firm that up a bit. I'll
look for more hints of her acceptance level.
I trust the experience of evryone here and I'm going to slow this down and do it right.
Thank you all soooooooo much !! :bow: I'll see what I can come up with this weekend and I'll let you know Monday what happened. :D
BethCD

[Stephenie]

Sounds like you are thinking thing through. Hope yoyr weekend is good.

[Jenny Beth]

I wish you luck with your weekend. Mandy brought up a point I thought was worth repeating. For some reason it is cool to have a TG parent and after sorting though all this with my daughter I gave her a picture of me fully dressed. It's in her living room and at first it bothered me that anyone who came to her apartment could clearly see it. When I told her I was uncomfortable with that her reply was that her friends were not the type to judge and any who did weren't welcome. Now THAT is cool! I hope this turns out as well for you as it did for me.

[BethCD]

When I told her I was uncomfortable with that her reply was that her friends were not the type to judge and any who did weren't welcome. Now THAT is cool! I hope this turns out as well for you as it did for me.[/QUOTE]

Jenny Beth, You are extremely lucky !! We'll take it slow and easy. I'll keep you posted. Thanks a bunch, Beth

[BethCD]

Hi all, Just thought I'd quickly let y'all know what happened this weekend. Not much, which is a good thing, I suppose.
I had to work this weekend so our contact time was minimal. I left some history on the pc, which I normally delete. I left this forum in history, along with some Newport News.
We had dinner and I asked if she had seen any more Eddie Izzard comedy, she hadn't. Not much effect there, but laying some foundation. After she left I discovered that I had left 2 pr. of my sandals (girls) out in view in my room, but she might not have seen them. So not much happened, but thanks to everyones advice, I'm going to listen for opportunities and slowly let it happen. I clearly (now) was on the wrong path. You girls saved me from myself.
Thanks again, this is a great family !! :bow: :hugs:
Beth

[Mandy Salamander]

much welcome,,,glad to see things going well,,,always happy to help, and always great advice here, en forum,,,doo LOVE seeing threads on parenting here,,,not an easy thing to do under the best of circumstance ,,,let alone!!!,,,and how to know your doing right thing?,,,till is done?!?!?,,,,but ya gotta luv it.joy,

[susandrea]

Did it ever occur to you that your daughter may be bringing the Eddie Izzard DVD because she suspects you may be a crossdresser (or someone blabbed) and this is her way of approaching the subject?

Just a thought.....

A lot of women adore Eddie, and if she at least likes him then she's probably far less likely to freak out if you tell her the truth, gently and carefully, starting with an idea of how she and her friends feel about the way Eddie crossdresses. Many teenaged kids think it's cool! Talking about that will give you a clue into her thoughts that might be hard to get any other way.


You don't say how old she is and what her maturity level is, but if it were my Dad I'd sure want to hear it from him than from someone else---- especially if that someone else didn't approve and made it seem shameful. Then the fact that he never told me and kept it a secret....

It seems, though, that you are very ready to tell. Letting her come across your stuff just to start a conversation may make her feel like a snoop that "forced you to confess" and that just adds a layer of stress that no one needs, doesn't it? You might also want to discuss just who needs to know and who doesn't. You may not want her to go around telling everyone, but then again you might!

In any case, good luck. I hope it all turns out "relaxed and groovy" as Eddie would say! :)

[Pip]

Perhaps she brought the Eddie Izzard DvD because he's absolutely hilarious, not because he's a crossdresser.

I agree with most people here though. Having her find out by accident should be the lest preferable method of coming out to her.

Pip

[susandrea]

Perhaps she brought the Eddie Izzard DvD because he's absolutely hilarious, not because he's a crossdresser.

Could be! :thumbsup:

[Sweet Jeanette]

I am Always trying to get caught, but for "some reason", I always chicken out! :D -----------(Survival?)---maybe?-----But, ----What a Thrill! :D