Your friends who wouldn't accept it

[Angelofsomekind]

I was just wondering how others rationalize being friends with the people they know wouldn't accept them if they found out they dress.

I have one friend that I know 100% would never accept it, but I'm friends with him anyway. He's actually kinda a dick, but he's really outgoing and fun to be around. I figure what he doesn't know won't hurt him, and if he ever finds out, whatever, I can do with out him. He is very homophobic, mainly when he's drunk. I assume he's gay but is in some serious serious deinal. I never join in on his homophob ideas, in fact I've gotten into many 'conversations' with him, but he's generally drunk when he goes off on all this so I can easily get the upper hand, but since he's drunk he doesn't know what's going on.

He has a totally different idea of who I really am, which I think is kinda amusing. But some of the stuff he says is so closed minded and sad. I know there will always be people like this, but if you have friends like this, how do you rationalize being friends with them?

[Sarah-RT]

I have only one friend I can think of, but then again I would say he would just ridicule me but still be my friend.

Hopefully he will never find out, he is one of my better friends

[Jessica Who]

It makes me sad when I hear people close to me say such mean things either about gay or trans people. Before my mother knew about me, she would frequently say "ill gross" when she saw what was clearly a man dressed or presenting as female. I suppose that now that she more knowledgeable she has changed her mind a bit.

If someone is your friend, then there is something about them that clicks with you, but it is up to you I guess whether or not to tell them everything or just keep moving forward without doing so.

It's kinda funny because one of my friends (who just moved away) is always making some inappropriate remarks like that, and I was actually happy that he left because I no longer want people in my life like that. You never know when they might turn on ya.

[JeniferMN]

I don't think there would hardly be any of my male friends that would accept it.:sad:

[sissystephanie]

At my age, 77, I have a lot of friends. Some would probably accept it, in fact some have! But then they are CD's themselves!:D But the others, which is by far the bigger number, would not like it at all, so they will never know if I can help it. To me that is "Life," and I can live with that. Don't like it, but I can't change it so do not worry about it!

[gennee]

My wife, son and his gf know and accept. My bible study fellowship also knows. I've only told two people outside my circle. One is transsexual the other lesbian butch. Haven't told my brother and sister and don't intend to.

Gennee

[Sara Jean]

i have to say i dont think any of my rl friends would be accepting from comments made by them at diffrent times

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

I'm TS and have told a lot of my male friends outside of work and have had nothing but accepting response's from them. And yes, I thought they would reject me as they made derogatory comments in the past, but boy's will be boy's and say things to bolster their manliness among the guys. But when they have a friend who comes out they are more accepting than you may expect.. At least that's been my experience.. Kim :battingeyelashes:

[Sophia de la luz]

Most of my friends are accepting. People I know through work, I don't usually go there. It's not on the table as a level of interaction that is appropriate... too personal... somewhat irrevelevant.
Two friends of mine (a couple) came to visit over the weekend. The gal noticed my limbs and chest were shaven. She commented on it and we began a three part conversation about it. The crossdressing stuff made her very uncomfortable. It brought up anger as if maybe I was mocking women. She also associates shaving with submission by women to forced roles. bla bla bla. The man was totally cool with it and it didn't bother him or ruffle his feathers one bit. I think she'll rethink/re-emote her beliefs, but she has further to go than her partner on the whole issue and general acceptance of other people.

[Leslie Langford]

I was just wondering how others rationalize being friends with the people they know wouldn't accept them if they found out they dress.

I have one friend that I know 100% would never accept it, but I'm friends with him anyway. He's actually kinda a dick, but he's really outgoing and fun to be around. I figure what he doesn't know won't hurt him, and if he ever finds out, whatever, I can do with out him. He is very homophobic, mainly when he's drunk. I assume he's gay but is in some serious serious deinal. I never join in on his homophob ideas, in fact I've gotten into many 'conversations' with him, but he's generally drunk when he goes off on all this so I can easily get the upper hand, but since he's drunk he doesn't know what's going on.

He has a totally different idea of who I really am, which I think is kinda amusing. But some of the stuff he says is so closed minded and sad. I know there will always be people like this, but if you have friends like this, how do you rationalize being friends with them?

... he is more of an acquaintance or a buddy with whom you can share a beer or go to a sports game with rather than a good friend. In other words, not "bro-mance" material.

If he really is such a homophobic dick, here's your chance to be both true to yourself and not continue to live a lie when in his presence by "outing" yourself to him, while at the same time demonstrating to him just how offensive and ludicrous his anti-gay/TG prejudices are.

He still sees you as a friend at this time and obviously values something about you. Showing him that you are TG will turn his neat, orderly world upside down and show him in no uncertain terms that people like us are everywhere and no different from anyone else deep down inside - we just lead a more unconventional lifestyle. This is not in the same league as revealing to him that you are, say, an axe-murderer. He will then need to confront his prejudices head-on and make some serious choices.

It is easy to hate a concept that we know little about but which intrudes into our comfort zone when there is no personal attachment involved. It is much harder to hate another human being when you are face-to-face with them and are looking them straight in the eye when you try to justify your stupid and irrational prejudices to them.

Take a cue from all of us CDers with SO's who were devastated when they first found out that we like to dress as women. In most cases after all of the the yelling, screaming, hair-pulling, accusations that we are really gay or transsexuals deep down inside, that we have ruined their lives etc., etc. and all of the other assorted drama is over and done with, they eventually settle down into some level of acceptance when they realize that despite our "quirk", we are still the same men they originally fell in love with, and that being a cross-dresser is not necessarily the end of the world nor a deal-breaker for the relationship.

In saying this, I am not making light of the conflicted states that we put our women through when we "out" ourselves to them in this manner and by doing so, effectively transfer our problem onto their shoulders. What I am suggesting, however, is that once the new reality sets in, compromises can be negotiated which will allow a previously good relationship to continue to flourish. Likely the same can be achieved with your friend after all is said and done if you really want to continue hanging out with him.

Remember, "No pain, no gain".

[Plasibeau]

Any friends who might have a problem with me being, got excommunicated long ago. . .

[Ralph]

I know there will always be people like this, but if you have friends like this, how do you rationalize being friends with them?

Because I expect my friends to love me even if there are aspects to me that they can't stand? Because my relationships with people are a lot deeper than how much they admire me and my fashion sense? Because if it took me more than 20 years to accept my own CDing I can't very well expect the rest of the world to accept it any faster? Pick any or all of the above.

[AlannahNorth]

The same way I rationalize a lot of things in life. If I truly speak my mind to the people I spend my time with, I'd end up without some really decent friends - so I do what almost everyone on Earth does - I pick and choose which conversations to get involved in, and/or only reveal a measured amount of my real opinions or ideas.

It doesn't seem right. In reality it isn't. However, I realize that my preferences stand outside the mainstream and are unacceptable to most people. This is the price I pay for the ignorance, prejudice, misunderstanding, or small mindedness of the general population at large.

I have a few good friends, and about all the rest are 'acquaintances'. Those few friends can sense, or just know that I'm not revealing all of myself to them, or that I'm on the edge in some way or another, and I choose not to let them in on it. That's okay - I don't demand someone to bare their entire soul to me for the price of friendship. I'm sure they have secrets I don't know.

One day I will have friends who either share my interest in Xdressing or who clearly have no objection to it. Until then, I share what I feel I'm able to with the freinds that I have. It's my hope that they will always be my friends, but only the future will reveal that.

I'm hoping for the best.

[Jenny Brown]

I was just wondering how others rationalize being friends with the people they know wouldn't accept them if they found out they dress.
You're kidding, right?
Why would anyone's friends possibly be required to approve of cd-ing?:doh:

[Wen4cd]

I think most or all of my friends would accept it. I've got some pretty good friends.

However, accepting it and appreciating seeing it are two vastly different things. :D

"I couldn't help noticing the 'iquensuorcha' part. Did you just refer to me as 'White Devil?'"

"Is how they know you."

"Leave that part out form now on!"

[Super Amanda]

I used to work in a warehosue environment, all males. I became quite good friends with a couple of them over the years, and thought they would never accept me.

Although the warehouse was a very homophobic environment, where hand lotion is reffered to as "gay creme" and what-not, and my friends have made nasty comments about trans folks before, I sure am glad I kept them as friends.

You see, when I came out to the world as TS, I only really worried about how my family was going to react. I cared about my friends, but only worried about my family.

So one step at a time, starting with Mom, I started telling people.

This may not be the case for everyone, but the ones who I thought were the most closed minded have taken it the best. I have achieved what I call "total acceptance" from everyone so far. I present how I like and am treated just like always, for which I feel truly blessed!

I would say that for trans folk who are closeted to hang on to anyone they feel like they connect with, because if they truly want you to be happy, then it won't matter what you want to do as long as it hurts no one.

[Diane Elizabeth]

thats easy to answer. I have no friends, other than my SO. My coworkers and acquaintences I don't socialize with and don't discuss my personal life. The co workers have shown how immature and uneducated that they are and could never understand someone as we are, or wish to be. Even my SO doesn't know the whole story. But thats another story in itself.

[docrobbysherry]

Folks that dress openly, probably already have friends that r accepting!:)
Or, at least KNOW about the CDing.

While CLOSET CDs, like myself, have unknowing friends, AND FAMILY!:doh:

I have a child at home. So, whether or not my friends would accept my CDing is a moot point! If they knew, it would eventually get back to, and affect my child! :Angry3:

THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, if I can help it! Teens have ENOUGH problems. Without having to deal with a CD dad!:eek:

[Angelofsomekind]

You're kidding, right?
Why would anyone's friends possibly be required to approve of cd-ing?:doh:

I'm not looking for their approval, I'm asking others how they deal with people who they know won't accept them for who they really are.

[Jenny Beth]

I have lots of friends I know would never accept. That doesn't make them bad people, just shall we say, uninformed of gender related issues. I don't need to shove my life in anyone's face with a take it or get lost attitude. I have no intention of living full time so why rock the boat?

[Frédérique]

I was just wondering how others rationalize being friends with the people they know wouldn't accept them if they found out they dress.

It’s fun to be with someone, yet keep a secret from them at the same time. I keep my secrets very close, rarely even hinting that something else is going on. It’s all a game for my own amusement.
When I engage in some odd behavior in front of my friends (contrary to their herd mentality) or say something unusual, one of them will inevitably say to me “Boy, you’re different!” (talk about a straight line, huh?). I’ll usually answer “Little do you know,” then change the subject…
Keith Moon said it best: “You can’t afford me.”

[crusadergirl]

I haven't told all my friends but the ones i thought would not accept have. There are a few that have seen me dressed for Halloween that didn't want to do it. If they knew i'm not so sure they would accept and i don't really care at this point.

[sissystephanie]

I'm not looking for their approval, I'm asking others how they deal with people who they know won't accept them for who they really are.

Angel, if you read my post you know how to deal with that kind. DON'T!! That does not mean that you still can't be friends with them, if you really want to. But don't tell them and don't talk about CD'ing around them. If they bring it up, just tell them, "to each his own is my motto!"

As others have said, unless you and they talk about it, you will never know how they would accept you. Talking in derogatory terms about CD's in general is one thing, but about a person who is a close friend in the same terms is entirely different.

If you are in fact a TS, then I say tell them and find out for sure what kind of friends they are. If they disparage you, then are they really the kind of friend you want? There is a whole lot of people in this world, and a great many of them are friendly. Look at all the friends you have here on the forum!

I met, on the internet, a lady who lives in Scotland and we became close friends. I told her that I was a CD, and she told that she didn't care in the slightest about what I wore. She liked me for who I was, not for what I wore! We did meet twice in Orlando, Florida. With some 70 years of CD'ing behind me (yes, I am old!) I believe that most decent people don't care. The ones that raise a fuss deserve to be ignored!:2c::tongueout

[Chiana]

One of my best friends is highly..... shall we say, opinionated about a lot of topics. There is no doubt that he has a rabid anti-gay, anti-TS, anti-TG agenda. I thought he was going to start an incident one day when he saw a TS/TG lady in the restaraunt. I talked him down from the edge of rage. But I thought he was just going to jump up and start whipping up on that lady for no reason at all. Fortuantely, she never came near us. I never intend to tell him about my other hobby. Why would I? We have lots of other interests in common and for the most part, he is a really great guy. On the other hand, I have another friend who has been married over 30+ years. He and his wife have no kids, Just 2 cats. And several of his closest friends are openly gay. But I don't intend to tell him either, even though I am pretty sure he would be very accepting. I don't feel like I have to justify having either of them as friends.

[Samantha Girl]

I could not have a friend that was freaked out or judgemental about my cross dressing, what's the point? Clearly that type of person is not my friend.

I left Jersey to move across country on Saturday. On Friday night we had a party and one of my old friends came. We were best friends for a long time but kinda parted ways a bit and don't really hang out anymore. It was great seeing him and we had a great talk about life and stuff. I've only told my girl and my current best friend about CDind and they were both hugely accepting so I told my old buddy. I didn't expect at all that he would be accepting, he was VERY accepting! His wife too actually. It was amazing and very sweet. Some people will really surprise you :D

I understand why some of you girls have friends who if they new would drop you fast. For me personally, can't do it. If you are prejuidiced towards any group of people who are not hurting anyone with their collective behavior I do not want to know you :)

[tricia_uktv]

All my friends have accepted it - although they haven't all seen me dressed. Work colleagues is an interesting one though. Some I have told and some have met up with me. Some, I know, just couldn't take it sadly.

[Joanne f]

I have no friends so that problem doe`s not arise :laughing:
But what i have noticed is that when people i use to know found out about me and said that it would make no difference never communicated with me again , hey it`s their lose :lol2::laughing::rofl:

[Jenny Brown]

I could not have a friend that was freaked out or judgemental about my cross dressing, what's the point? Clearly that type of person is not my friend.
Whatever, if that's your opinion. But that seems as judgmental to me as the ones you might label as judgmental.:doh:

[Angelofsomekind]

If we don't accept them for their opinions, wouldn't that make us as bad as them for not accepting ours?

[Ras]

most of my guy friends would be blown away let alone have a hard time accepting it. Sad that so many people are not more understanding about it

[Jamie001]

You really should ask yourself: "If they can't accept it or will be too blown-away", ARE THEY REAL FRIENDS"?

The answer is obvious and should be "NO". We don't need friends like that. They are mere acquaintances. IF they accept you as you are, then they are "real friends". A real friend is always there for you; no matter what!!


most of my guy friends would be blown away let alone have a hard time accepting it. Sad that so many people are not more understanding about it

[Jenny Brown]

You really should ask yourself: "If they can't accept it or will be too blown-away", ARE THEY REAL FRIENDS"?
The answer is obvious and should be "NO". We don't need friends like that. They are mere acquaintances. IF they accept you as you are, then they are "real friends". A real friend is always there for you; no matter what!!:lame:

[Jamie001]

Why do you believe that my post is *lame*? It is reality. If you can't be yourself with friends, then are they really true friends?



:lame:

[Jenny Beth]

You really should ask yourself: "If they can't accept it or will be too blown-away", ARE THEY REAL FRIENDS"?

The answer is obvious and should be "NO". We don't need friends like that. They are mere acquaintances. IF they accept you as you are, then they are "real friends". A real friend is always there for you; no matter what!!


Just an observation here but I am wondering if you are out to all of your friends. If you are that's great, but I'm curious as to why you haven't posted a pic of yourself. No one here will judge you so it seems strange for you to be judging us.

[Jenny Brown]

Why do you believe that my post is *lame*? It is reality. If you can't be yourself with friends, then are they really true friends?
It's lame because a cd has no right to expect friends to accept and/or condone cd-ing. :lame:

[Jamie001]

Np, that is where you are incorrect! That attitude amounts to accepting the crap that is fed to us by society at large. If you were an alcoholic or if you had committed a crime, would real friends accept you?

Being a CD is not even illegal; it is simply par of who you are. Why would your friends not accept you? Yes, I am out of all of my friends and only had problems with one couple. They are no longer friends, but then in reality, they never were really true friends.


It's lame because a cd has no right to expect friends to accept and/or condone cd-ing. :lame:

[joselyn318]

I have a cousin who I grew up with and I am pretty close with I know wouldn't accept me. He portrays himself as very masculine. His parents (my aunt and uncle) did not value education much in their home. Therefore all of my cousins from that part of the family are pretty uneducated and lasted at most one semester in college (minus one exception who is the one individual most like myself in my family and he is coming to the University of Michigan next semester to finish his last two years of a computer science degree). I also have a feeling he is gay too. My gaydar goes off when I hang out with him. He hasn't had a girlfriend, just a lot of girls as friends. He is not socially awkward either. I am hoping this cousin will be able to smooth things over with the one that would not accept me.

[Lisa Golightly]

I don't have those kind of friends...

[Sherry-Stephanie]

True friends accept you for what you are and who you are...and if they don't let them go and deal with whatever it is that they have issues with...and you move on...and find those who are accepting and build your inner circle of friends from there....

It's like anything else, why would anyone want to be around people who are so negitive about any particular interest one shares...

[pattyv]

Folks that dress openly, probably already have friends that r accepting!:)
Or, at least KNOW about the CDing.

While CLOSET CDs, like myself, have unknowing friends, AND FAMILY!:doh:

I have a child at home. So, whether or not my friends would accept my CDing is a moot point! If they knew, it would eventually get back to, and affect my child! :Angry3:

THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, if I can help it! Teens have ENOUGH problems. Without having to deal with a CD dad!:eek:

I agree 100% with you. Teenagers have enough problems, and we should not add more problems as CD fathers.My wife knows and accepts, but we have agreed to keep it from our children, even though they are all grown up now.
Hugs.
Laura.

[Ralph]

It's like anything else, why would anyone want to be around people who are so negitive about any particular interest one shares...

That's exactly right! And it's why I dumped all my so-called "friends" who ridicule the Macintosh. If they really loved me, they would love my computer. Guy from church I have known for 20 years and who left work at a moment's notice to help me when my car broke down, drove my wife to the hospital in the middle of the night no questions asked? Screw it, he's not worth the effort if he won't accept wholeheartedly everything about me. In fact the more I think about it the angrier I get that I ever wasted time with the jerk who was best man at my wedding, or the loser who paid my rent and bought me groceries when I was out of a job for months.

Best of all, I have more time for dressing now that I have dumped all those idiots who don't deserve to be my friends. Nothing but me and my mirror, 24 hours a day. Yay!

[TGMarla]

I find myself in the strange circumstance of agreeing with Jenny Brown. It is not incumbent upon my friends to agree with and accept crossdressing. It is likewise not incumbent upon me to make sure that all my friends accept it. It is not my job to educate them. While it's true that I could do so, it is also my choice to not burden them with the knowledge that I engage in crossdressing, and that I am transgendered in nature.

And sure, you could make the argument that if we do not take the lead to educate others to our lifestyle in order to make it all better, that no one will. While there may be a lot of truth to that, it is still not our duty to do so. For example: most transexual women do not advertise the fact that they used to be men. Most go "stealth" and try to meld into normal lives, leaving their male pasts behind, if possible. That's what they have wanted for themselves all their lives. Who can blame them? It is not their duty to further the cause of transexuals everywhere. It is their choice to do so if they so choose. But it is not their duty. Neither is it any other TG persons' duty to openly display their lifestyle to their friends and attempt to "further the cause" by making sure they accept it.

I have many friends that I love very much, who don't know that I crossdress. I choose to not divulge this little fact to them. I choose to not burden my friendships, save for a few, with this information. And I have no problem at all accepting these people for who they are, whether they accept transgender lifestyles or not. I will not place an ultimatum on them to accept me as a crossdresser, or else not be my friend. My choice. I choose.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

TG Marla

It is not incumbent upon my friends to agree with and accept crossdressing. It is likewise not incumbent upon me to make sure that all my friends accept it. It is not my job to educate them. While it's true that I could do so, it is also my choice to not burden them with the knowledge that I engage in crossdressing, and that I am transgendered in nature.

True that it isn't the responsibility of any friends to either accept or reject what we like, enjoy and believe in...it's their choice as much as it is ours to accept or reject what we do...and that's provide we disclose to them that we are into dressing or are transgender....but it maybe be with those not who we choose not to disclose to but to those who we do disclose to where this question lies...if we do choose to disclose to some one and that person either is OK with it or not then what do we do??? as they say every action has a re-action...

And Ralph you are obviously being very ficitious for the fact that obviously friends as you ahve described would be freinds you would keep and there's a good possibility that they would be OK with the dressing if you choose to disclose...but then there's always the possibility that they would reject you for the dressing...then one would have to decide if it was or they were worth being friends...

[Jamie001]

Yes I agree with you that it is your choice, however, as long as you stay in the closet incorrectly believing that you are doing something wrong, we will never make any progress. would your friends accept you if you were an alcoholic or if you had committed a crime? What is so different about crossdressing? It is not a crime and doesn't harm anyone except yourself when you suppress that part of your personality.

As Crossdressers we really need to changes our attitudes toward ourselves and the outside world otherwise we will never make any progress and will always be cowering in the closet as if we are doing something wrong or illegal. :2c:



I find myself in the strange circumstance of agreeing with Jenny Brown. It is not incumbent upon my friends to agree with and accept crossdressing. It is likewise not incumbent upon me to make sure that all my friends accept it. It is not my job to educate them. While it's true that I could do so, it is also my choice to not burden them with the knowledge that I engage in crossdressing, and that I am transgendered in nature.

And sure, you could make the argument that if we do not take the lead to educate others to our lifestyle in order to make it all better, that no one will. While there may be a lot of truth to that, it is still not our duty to do so. For example: most transexual women do not advertise the fact that they used to be men. Most go "stealth" and try to meld into normal lives, leaving their male pasts behind, if possible. That's what they have wanted for themselves all their lives. Who can blame them? It is not their duty to further the cause of transexuals everywhere. It is their choice to do so if they so choose. But it is not their duty. Neither is it any other TG persons' duty to openly display their lifestyle to their friends and attempt to "further the cause" by making sure they accept it.

I have many friends that I love very much, who don't know that I crossdress. I choose to not divulge this little fact to them. I choose to not burden my friendships, save for a few, with this information. And I have no problem at all accepting these people for who they are, whether they accept transgender lifestyles or not. I will not place an ultimatum on them to accept me as a crossdresser, or else not be my friend. My choice. I choose.

[Jamie001]

If they were real-friends, they would not reject you for the dressing. It is that simple. IF they are that shallow then why have them as friends?



TG Marla


True that it isn't the responsibility of any friends to either accept or reject what we like, enjoy and believe in...it's their choice as much as it is ours to accept or reject what we do...and that's provide we disclose to them that we are into dressing or are transgender....but it maybe be with those not who we choose not to disclose to but to those who we do disclose to where this question lies...if we do choose to disclose to some one and that person either is OK with it or not then what do we do??? as they say every action has a re-action...

And Ralph you are obviously being very ficitious for the fact that obviously friends as you ahve described would be freinds you would keep and there's a good possibility that they would be OK with the dressing if you choose to disclose...but then there's always the possibility that they would reject you for the dressing...then one would have to decide if it was or they were worth being friends...

[Jenny Brown]

No, that is where you are incorrect! That attitude amounts to accepting the crap that is fed to us by society at large. If you were an alcoholic or if you had committed a crime, would real friends accept you? Being a CD is not even illegal; it is simply par of who you are. Why would your friends not accept you? Yes, I am out of all of my friends and only had problems with one couple. They are no longer friends, but then in reality, they never were really true friends.
I disagree 100%. Your cd-ing is your business. If you friends don't accept it, that's their business, and no reason not to still call them your friends. If one of your friends was cheating on his wife, would you be required to condone/accept that? I don't think so.:lame:

I find myself in the strange circumstance of agreeing with Jenny Brown. It is not incumbent upon my friends to agree with and accept crossdressing. It is likewise not incumbent upon me to make sure that all my friends accept it. It is not my job to educate them.
Careful Marla, nobody is supposed to agree with ME!:heehee:

If they were real-friends, they would not reject you for the dressing. It is that simple. IF they are that shallow then why have them as friends?
Bulloney! :tongueout

[AllieSummers]

I think a REAL friend would still be your friend no matter what you are.

If you want to know they are a real friend then just tell them as long as you don't feel it would put you in any kind a jeopardy...like fear of them outing you.

I've told a couple of friends...both girls and guys...and they were perfectly ok with it.

Kisses,

Allie

[Jamie001]

Allie is correct and understands.


I think a REAL friend would still be your friend no matter what you are.

If you want to know they are a real friend then just tell them as long as you don't feel it would put you in any kind a jeopardy...like fear of them outing you.

I've told a couple of friends...both girls and guys...and they were perfectly ok with it.

Kisses,

Allie

[Jamie001]

To use your analogy, if one of your friends was cheating on his wife, would you still be his friend even if you don't condone what he is doing? True friends are your friend during good and bad even if they disagree with your choices. You are not doing anything illegal. It is simply a clothing choice. They can agree to disagree with your clothing choice as some of my friends do, but if they choose not to be your friend because of your clothing choice, then they were never a real friend to start with. It is really that simple. I hope this clarifies things.


I disagree 100%. Your cd-ing is your business. If you friends don't accept it, that's their business, and no reason not to still call them your friends. If one of your friends was cheating on his wife, would you be required to condone/accept that? I don't think so.:lame:

Careful Marla, nobody is supposed to agree with ME!:heehee:

Bulloney! :tongueout

[Jessica Who]

Perhaps generation plays a role in this, I'm not sure.

However, I do see some validity in the argument that if a friend can't accept all of you then they aren't your friend.

A big part of this is how important your transgendered nature is. If you crossdress simply as a fetish or just for fun or to relieve stress, then I suppose keeping it a secret is fine and dandy, and what friends don't know won't hurt em.

But if you're like me and crossdressing is more than just a hobby, perhaps your friendships are something to consider.

Good opinions here, I like to read good debates in this forum :D

[honeybait]

Hi, newbie chiming in...

I think your all beautiful...and I don't understand how a guy looking or wanting to feel 'beautiful' is a 'sin' in some peoples eyes....

I think the urge to dress up and adorn oneself is not exclusivly female...
When I study acient civilizations...I see where the males where given a much wider range in attire they could wear...from the greeks to the egyptians to the American indian tribes...males were allowed to dress up and have fun...it seems just recently in the industrialized era, that males have been more and more restrictive in what they can wear and still be considered 'male'...or 'straight'....

In nature it is often the male species that is elaboratly adorned, to attract a mate...

mallord duck, Peacock ect...

Back to the theme of this thread...yes...I think I lost a friend, when they saw my other side...
what a insecure soul....oh well...:bonk:

[Jamie001]

I believe that you lost an acquaintance. He was never really a friend or he would not have abandoned you for something as trivial as crossdressing.


Hi, newbie chiming in...

I think your all beautiful...and I don't understand how a guy looking or wanting to feel 'beautiful' is a 'sin' in some peoples eyes....

I think the urge to dress up and adorn oneself is not exclusivly female...
When I study acient civilizations...I see where the males where given a much wider range in attire they could wear...from the greeks to the egyptians to the American indian tribes...males were allowed to dress up and have fun...it seems just recently in the industrialized era, that males have been more and more restrictive in what they can wear and still be considered 'male'...or 'straight'....

In nature it is often the male species that is elaboratly adorned, to attract a mate...

mallord duck, Peacock ect...

Back to the theme of this thread...yes...I think I lost a friend, when they saw my other side...
what a insecure soul....oh well...:bonk:

[TGMarla]

This is not a question of legality. It has nothing to do with whether or not one cheats on one's wife. Do you tell your friends everything there is to know about you? Do you let them in on your intimate moments? Do you let them know about the more painful moments in your relationships, the private moments between your SO and yourself? I'm guessing that everybody - 100% - has some things about themselves that they choose to not disclose to their friends. Are you implying that in order for them to become and remain my friends, that I have to disclose to them that I'm a crossdresser? That they cannot be my friends unless they pass the acceptance litmus test?

Ridiculous! I refuse to accept that premise.

[Jamie001]

If you are not a person that normally dresses then there is really no need to tell your friends. On the other hand, if you dress regularly and have the need to hide when your friends are present, then it makes sense to tell your friends so that you don't have to hide and be something that you are not.


This is not a question of legality. It has nothing to do with whether or not one cheats on one's wife. Do you tell your friends everything there is to know about you? Do you let them in on your intimate moments? Do you let them know about the more painful moments in your relationships, the private moments between your SO and yourself? I'm guessing that everybody - 100% - has some things about themselves that they choose to not disclose to their friends. Are you implying that in order for them to become and remain my friends, that I have to disclose to them that I'm a crossdresser? That they cannot be my friends unless they pass the acceptance litmus test?

Ridiculous! I refuse to accept that premise.

[honeybait]

I believe that you lost an acquaintance. He was never really a friend or he would not have abandoned you for something as trivial as crossdressing.

Hi, I do believe your right...me personally, I wish all my male friends were crossdressers...

I can't believe how cute you all are...I'm like loving this...cute males or crossdressers or trans...I'm sorry I'm still trying to learn the definitions...

But your all cute...
I love this...
(please forgive my immaturity)

[TGMarla]

If you are not a person that normally dresses then there is really no need to tell your friends. On the other hand, if you dress regularly and have the need to hide when your friends are present, then it makes sense to tell your friends so that you don't have to hide and be something that you are not.
So since I crossdress rather frequently, you're saying that I am not allowed to have friends unless I disclose this to them? Otherwise I cannot know if they are true friends?

Again, ridiculous!

Simply because I choose to not share this part of myself with some of my friends, this does not mean that I am presenting myself as something that I'm not. Perhaps I just think it's none of their business. I'm not hiding anything simply by deciding to not disclose certain things. My business is my own, as is theirs. I'm very sure I'm not privy to every little thing about them, either.

[Jenny Brown]

Ridiculous! I refuse to accept that premise.
I agree! This whole thing is so :lame:

[Jamie001]

:donut::404:


I agree! This whole thing is so :lame:

[Cary]

Most of my family and friends are that way. My sister is totally aginst gays, CDer's, etc. She says it aginst God, but she don't seem to have a problem making children out of wedlock. I go through alot of effort to hide my CDing from friends and family. I did tell a long-time GG friend a few years ago about my love of wearing pantyhose. I didn't go into how deep down the rabbit hole I am and she didn't push for details. We go to the Goodwell twice a month. She holds up clothes to herself and asks for my advice on things. I can't tell you how many times I wished it was reversed.

[docrobbysherry]

Men friends don't care to talk about "what u did last nite" while the rest of your family drove into Boston! Unless u watched the game THEY saw on TV!:D

Women friends mite be VERY interested in what u do when you're all alone!:eek:

And as for, "finding out who your real friends r", THAT'S A GOOD ONE! :heehee:

As someone whose been on this planet a long time, one thing I HAVE learned about, is MALE friends! :hugs:
One of my closest friends suddenly took up sailing 30 years ago. I get sea sick easily. Didn't see much of him for about 20 years. Now that his sailing is mostly on small, flat bodies of water, near land, I've gotten close to him again!:)

Another friend got involved with psychotherapy. I went to numerous events with him in our single days. We had great times! These days, all he's into is GOLF! I've got a bad back, and had to give it up. We rarely talk now.
However, if I ever revealed that I CDed, he's one guy I KNOW would accept it. AND my revelation would probably lead to some intimate discussions between us!:thumbsup:

My point is: men spend time with people because they have things in common with them, and enjoy their company!
So, R they REALLY your FRIENDS? What difference does it make? U can decide THAT when you're 89 and making out your will!
Otherwise, it's probably a MOOT POINT! And I'm pretty sure, coming out to someone is NOT a true test of their friendship!:brolleyes:

[Penelope Marie]

i have come out to only 2 people in my life. one is a minister and a long time friend. He was surprising and made no comment about it. He did say he wanted to "help" me so badly it hurts. I replied help me with what. He simply said any thing. The other is a class mate from my high school, she was very cool with it and even said she has other friends who CD. my parents don't know and they will not for the time being. My mother is mentally ill and it's taken a great toll on my dad so i see no need to burden them with my desires to be woman,(i am more transgendered than CD) My sister would totally damn me to hell as she has a very narrow view of anything shes deems wrong. currently it would not be in my best interest to out my self to too many people as i was laid off my job 8 months ago and currently am forced to live with my parents and brothers. Who i have every reason to suspect one is highly anti gay/ CD/ TG/TS. i do not have a lot of close friends only 2 in fact, and therefore i have a like me or not it really does not matter attitude. i have never been popular with people and am pretty much a loner. however, i believe if one is a friend they will like you regardless of what or who you are. I do not want people around me who would speak of people as if they were better than me! i get very offended when i hear CD TS TG or gay remarks or jokes that place us in a bad light. The same gos for jokes or comments based on race or any thing else. But then i am not one who feels i need others to make me whole. i do guard my desires and secrets very closely.

[TGMarla]

Most of my family and friends are that way. My sister is totally aginst gays, CDer's, etc. She says it aginst God...
Well then, they're not true family, and you should find better family members!

(Marla wipes the sarcasm off her chin!)


I'm pretty sure, coming out to someone is NOT a true test of their friendship!
True words from a veteran of life.


My sister would totally damn me to hell as she has a very narrow view of anything shes deems wrong.
See above. Obviously you need to get a better sister!

(Hand me that towel again, please!)

[Jenny Beth]

If you are not a person that normally dresses then there is really no need to tell your friends. On the other hand, if you dress regularly and have the need to hide when your friends are present, then it makes sense to tell your friends so that you don't have to hide and be something that you are not.


I'm still waiting for you to post a picture of yourself if you are so open about your crossdressing. Is there a reason you haven't? Or is the pot calling the kettle black?

[Kate Lynn]

I have three good friends,my wife,my friend M.,aka.Tata,and M's wife Gabby,they all know,Tata dresses,Tatas wife is 100% supportive as is my wife.
My friend Tata tried to join this forum and was rejected,I tried to tell him no one liked lawyers,but he's a damn good lawyer.

[Jamie001]

Agreed on all points. It is "your family's problem" not "your problem". Some family members are just not worth-it.


Well then, they're not true family, and you should find better family members!

(Marla wipes the sarcasm off her chin!)


True words from a veteran of life.


See above. Obviously you need to get a better sister!

(Hand me that towel again, please!)

[dawnmarrie1961]

I hate being around people when they drink mostly for that reason. They could be the nicest person before hand but after a few beers they become real idiots. As for your friends homophobic behavior when he's drunk. There could be something to it or not. I wouldn't assume anything because you know what they say about assumptions....They make and "Ass" out of YOU & ME.


Be safe. Be smart.

Dawn Marrie

[heatherdress]

You can never really know how a friend will react to information that might make them feel uncomfortable or threatened. Real friends would accept you unconditionally. But how many real friends do you have?

[jazmine]

Yeah, I have a lot of friends like that. Good friends. They would not be down with it at all, if they found out about me. That would be the end of our relationship. Such is life. Whatever.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I do not think ANY of my male friends would accept. However, I think that most of my female friends would accept UNLESS my CDing results in a divorce from my Spouse, which is still up in the air.

JoAnne Wheeler

[Jenny Brown]

Agreed on all points. It is "your family's problem" not "your problem". Some family members are just not worth-it.
wow, you simply don't get it...:doh:

[Penelope Marie]

Well then, they're not true family, and you should find better family members!

(Marla wipes the sarcasm off her chin!)


True words from a veteran of life.


See above. Obviously you need to get a better sister!

(Hand me that towel again, please!)

it's a done deal, i can't reverse that. She like so many others have no education about such matters and therefore as the saying gos ignorance breeds fear, and at the best a closed mind to any thing not understood:fairy3: I find it funny you say i need to find a better sister because she would not accept me as a T/G yet your not willing to out yourself to those friends you have that may not accept you as a C/Der that's conflicting in my view.

[Ralph]

Agreed on all points. It is "your family's problem" not "your problem". Some family members are just not worth-it.
wow, you simply don't get it...:doh:

You know, every time I think I have better things to do than read this forum, a discussion like this comes along and has me laughing so loud that I just have to come back again and see the rest of the train wreck. Welcome to the dark side of being a curmudgeon, Jenny.:heehee:

[TSchapes]

I think it had to do with how do you rationalize staying with friends that are openly hostile to gays and transgender people.

Which assumes that I stay and associate with bigoted people, I don't. And I'm talking about being bigoted about natural born traits that we have no control over, whether we are straight or gay, black or white, able bodied or lame. Not what kind of operating system I like on my computer, or wrist watch I wear, or who I voted for. Those things don't matter.

When people make bigoted remarks, I call them out on it. I ask them how they can possibly make broad assumptions about a whole group of people. It makes no sense to me.

Telling your friends and family is a totally different topic. It is one that only you alone and possibly your SO can decide if this is the right course. Who is told should probably be done on a case by case basis.

I have told a lot of people about my cross-dressing. I am usually right as to who can handle it and who can't. I've been surprised before by someone I thought wouldn't be able to handle it, but then thanked me for confiding in them. I have had other people that I thought would be cool about it, and then not want to talk to me again. I do not hold a grudge against those that cannot handle it for whatever reason. I cannot control their feelings nor should I try to. All I can do is be a genuine person and a truthful person, and let the chips fall where they may.

-Tracy

[TGMarla]

funny you say i need to find a better sister because she would not accept me as a T/G yet your not willing to out yourself to those friends you have that may not accept you as a C/Der that's conflicting in my view.
Uh.....it was hyperbole, Penelope. Sarcasm. Didn't you see my little note under that statement?

Bruh-ther! :doh:

[Terri Andrews]

I often go down my list of friends and think who would or would`nt accept .
I am almost to the place in my life that I really don`t care .
Terri

[Samantha Girl]

I think it had to do with how do you rationalize staying with friends that are openly hostile to gays and transgender people.

Which assumes that I stay and associate with bigoted people, I don't. And I'm talking about being bigoted about natural born traits that we have no control over, whether we are straight or gay, black or white, able bodied or lame. Not what kind of operating system I like on my computer, or wrist watch I wear, or who I voted for. Those things don't matter.

When people make bigoted remarks, I call them out on it. I ask them how they can possibly make broad assumptions about a whole group of people. It makes no sense to me.

Telling your friends and family is a totally different topic. It is one that only you alone and possibly your SO can decide if this is the right course. Who is told should probably be done on a case by case basis.

I have told a lot of people about my cross-dressing. I am usually right as to who can handle it and who can't. I've been surprised before by someone I thought wouldn't be able to handle it, but then thanked me for confiding in them. I have had other people that I thought would be cool about it, and then not want to talk to me again. I do not hold a grudge against those that cannot handle it for whatever reason. I cannot control their feelings nor should I try to. All I can do is be a genuine person and a truthful person, and let the chips fall where they may.

-Tracy :thumbsup:

In regards to my 1st post, all I'm saying is if you are supposed to be my friend than you should except me for who I am. If who I am upsets you so much you don't want to be my buddy anymore than good riddance :) Everyone has a right to their opinion. Opinions have consequences :)