Bethny
08-04-2009, 02:49 AM
Hi everyone
I am new here and a bit unsure sometimes which part of the forum Is best to post threads on so please forgive me if I mess up now and again. :)
I have described my story a bit over the past couple of weeks since i joined and the fact that I have a GG partner. I personaly feel Identified as transexual as far as my gender is concerned.....as in I have a strong felling inside of being missmatched in my gender.
I am trying hard to deal with all the things that come with that and to find a happier way to live my life ( though I'm not doing that well as time goes by )
I wanted to ask about your thoughts and experience of your sexuality . Was it simple and clear to you which way you feel? Did you have thoughts of being with a man and how did it manifest itself? Have you always felt sure that you did'nt want to be with a male?
I am feeling confused and then other times I feel quite clear in finding women attractive. I do have thoughts of being with a man and it is usualy when I am being more ' beth` and there are sexual-like thoughts or fantacies involved at those times. I often imagine what my life would be like if I had been born a girl and imagine what I'd be doing right now....that normaly leeds me to the feeling that I'd be married to a man and have babies and then grow old and have a simple life in which I'd be so happy.
The life I actualy have is very different and like I said i have a female partner and we are not married and have no children. I have struggled to comit after 3 years with her and I often feel that having children would be hard to do as I would loos so much of the freedom I have in those little ways i can be me. What confuses me is that I feel certain that I find women attractive and yet I am finding that there is a question that keeps coming into my mind about what I'm feeling when I see a woman who turns my head?...
..am I looking at her clothes?
...am I noticing HER and finding HER attractive?
...am I simply imagining being like her because she matches this image in my head of what i would be if I was ' me`?
The truth is that I simply don't know and I am struggling to make sense of it and what is real and what is not. Am studying it all too much and therefore loosing the simple fact that I am a femernine ' person` who is male in gender and likes females? ....or am I in denial?
Its important in a huge way at this point in my life as I have to do right by my Lady and by myself.
x b
I am new here and a bit unsure sometimes which part of the forum Is best to post threads on so please forgive me if I mess up now and again. :)
I have described my story a bit over the past couple of weeks since i joined and the fact that I have a GG partner. I personaly feel Identified as transexual as far as my gender is concerned.....as in I have a strong felling inside of being missmatched in my gender.
I am trying hard to deal with all the things that come with that and to find a happier way to live my life ( though I'm not doing that well as time goes by )
I wanted to ask about your thoughts and experience of your sexuality . Was it simple and clear to you which way you feel? Did you have thoughts of being with a man and how did it manifest itself? Have you always felt sure that you did'nt want to be with a male?
I am feeling confused and then other times I feel quite clear in finding women attractive. I do have thoughts of being with a man and it is usualy when I am being more ' beth` and there are sexual-like thoughts or fantacies involved at those times. I often imagine what my life would be like if I had been born a girl and imagine what I'd be doing right now....that normaly leeds me to the feeling that I'd be married to a man and have babies and then grow old and have a simple life in which I'd be so happy.
The life I actualy have is very different and like I said i have a female partner and we are not married and have no children. I have struggled to comit after 3 years with her and I often feel that having children would be hard to do as I would loos so much of the freedom I have in those little ways i can be me. What confuses me is that I feel certain that I find women attractive and yet I am finding that there is a question that keeps coming into my mind about what I'm feeling when I see a woman who turns my head?...
..am I looking at her clothes?
...am I noticing HER and finding HER attractive?
...am I simply imagining being like her because she matches this image in my head of what i would be if I was ' me`?
The truth is that I simply don't know and I am struggling to make sense of it and what is real and what is not. Am studying it all too much and therefore loosing the simple fact that I am a femernine ' person` who is male in gender and likes females? ....or am I in denial?
Its important in a huge way at this point in my life as I have to do right by my Lady and by myself.
x b