How do you do it?

[Sophie Yeats]

When you have a decision to make with two possible outcomes.
Both of which are going to be equally emotionally devastating.

How do you do it? How do you make that choice?
When both results will cause you more pain than you have ever felt before.
Someone please, how do you make that choice?

- Sophie

[GypsyKaren]

Sophie, I could tell you all about weighing this and balancing against that, and blah blah blah blah blah, but sometimes all you can do is close your eyes and hope for the best.

Karen :g1:

[Kelly DeWinter]

It depends on so many things. Do you have a particular situation in mind ? It's bad to take advice based on no information.

[MJ]

how about some details sis

[Sally2005]

You can flip a coin or let someone else make the decision for you or postpone the decision until it becomes obvious what the choice is.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

There are many more than 2 possible outcomes

If you feel you have a choice, then you have time to figure out your true feelings and true path...in fact you NEED to figure out your true feelings
..perhaps you could plan something in the future that will help you cope in the short term and give you time to reflect

However, your note sounds more like you don't feel like you have a choice, you know the right answer, but how can you actually make the jump and actually do something about it?...it feels like a trap...i certainly felt that way...

all i can say about that is that one outcome just goes on and on forever
the feelings do not go away and tend to only get worse, and tend to be suffered in solitary...:sad: (sorry for the brutal honesty)...this is not a "maybe"...this is the unfortunate way it is for folks with serious gender identity issues, especially for trannsexual men and women.

but many folks just suffer through their lives and I would never blame them...
I did it well into my 40's

The other outcome has the possibility of truly feeling the emotional and physical benefits of feeling like "yourself", the way everybody else feels!!
Of course, this is along with all the physical, social, and financial problems that are unfairly hurting trans folks and their families...

To me, if someone wants to live an honest PERSONALLY fulfilling life, then there really isnt a choice, the decision is made for you and the chips fall..realizing this can be emotionally devastasting, just like finding out you have cancer....but you don't choose whether or not to cure your cancer...you cure it.

I actually found comfort in thinking about it this way.

As Karen points out....sometimes you just have to jump and hope for the best

Stay around and talk more, it may help you during this tough time

:hugs:
Michele

[Saika]

Sophie,

I'm thinking of you today. We are here for you hun, I know it's really hard, it's confusing being stuck in the middle. Pulled both ways and unsure. I feel similar thoughts to you... the big " How do you do it "

I wish I had some real solid answers for you, still stuck in the middle myself. :doh:

Lean on me if you need hun.

[Sophie_Serendipity]

I've had to make some really difficult choices like that, and deciding to transition is only one of them. I don't think there is any really simple answer or 'silver bullet' solution. There are a few things that have helped me though. I think setting a time limit is sometimes useful. Living from one day to the next with a never-ending sense of confusion/discomfort often makes the actual problem seem much worse...sometimes it can actually make it worse. I also think that establishing a 'big picture' perspective is also really helpful in prioritising and ultimately guiding...If I think about some of the hardest decisions I've made, one of my big questions to myself is whether or not keeping things the same would be worse than changing them. For me right now, only at the beginning stages of 'coming out' while I know that there are going to be huge challenges, the thought of NOT coming out and living a life of denial, lying to myself and others and of never being able to connect with who is in the mirror is just so much worse. Finally, I think that at the end of the day, YOU are the one who has to live with your decisions the most. (perhaps I am preaching to myself more than anything) At a point when I was really indecisive about what to do with my studies, my history lecturer said to me. "The world is going to change anyway, so you might as well do what you want."

I hope this is some help to you. Please forgive me if it sounds like I'm being a 'know it all', I just really feel for you and hope that somehow you'll find a way to make those decisions and find a sense of peace about the outcomes.
Best Wishes,
Sophie.

[anniefriday13]

Dear Sophie,
You say that you have only two choices "both of which are going to be equally emotionally devestating". Hummm. Looking back on my own transition, it came to a point when I had but one choice---to become female regardless of the costs. And it cost me plenty, believe me. Those who know my story will agree. But only you can truly decide what is right for you. Today you have so many wonderful resources to help you no matter what you decide, unlike when I transitioned. You will come to a point where you will be forced to finally make a decision, and then you will live with the consequences for good or ill. And Sophie, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a princess. Search your heart. You know it's true. For the friends you lose, you will gain more, closer, more understanding friends. For the family that will turn against you, some may come around in time, or you may just make your own new family as many of us do. The choices you have are not as devastating as you may think. They are infinite and beautiful. In fact, you have a most wonderful opportunity to see life from both sides of the bed. Look deep inside yourself and think how you would like to spend the rest of your time here on earth. Choose that. It will take work and dedication, but like most things, the more you put into it, the more you get back out. Everything in life can be manipulated to your will. You already ARE a princess if you believe you are. In fact, we ALL are. Keep your chin up, walk tall, be proud of yourself, and treat yourself well. You couldn't do it for a better person.