Tis the season to be outted...

[Sara Jessica]

Interesting comment by one of my best friends yesterday.

Having a family day after Friday's wonderful outing, my friend's family came over for a day of fun in the sun and dinner that evening. I overheard in a conversation that he said something about a little girl being waxed (turns out that apparently this girl, another friend's daughter, was kind of furry when she was a baby). But I only heard a snippet of what she said so I asked what he meant by ___(name)___ and waxing and he replied "what, you didn't see her when you had your eyebrows done???"

For the record, I repled that I don't wax them (I don't, they're plucked ever so slightly...or so I thought) and quickly changed the subject.

Holy s#$@, the elephant in the room just got a little bigger. What I've always said about the more markers we put out there as being tg increasing the chances of people reaching certain conclusions is true. Shaved legs & slightly shaped eyebrows. Were the underarms noticed? Heck, I'm surprised he didn't ask where my 5 o'clock shadow disapppeared to (none present due to my recent facial plucking).

So for those of you who are inclined to say "well, you missed an opportunity to come clean", I'll save you the trouble. I'm pretty darned sure these friends wouldn't have an issue with my being tg and yes, I would actually love to be able to tell them. However, my wonderful wife still suffers in silence and solitude with this whole thing and she is not comfortable in having others know about this side of me. Any disclosure absent being called out specifically as being tg would have to be a mutual decision on our part.

Whether or not to come out to family (including my children) and/or friends is a huge decision, not one to be taken lightly. Yet the prospect of continually feeding this elephant is not a very encouraging one.

[Miranda09]

One step at a time Sara. Maybe eventually your wife will start feeling more comfortable with the idea and she might cross that boundary for you...if you both agree to it. :)

[dawnmarrie1961]

Sara Jessica,
Tis the season.
Is it Christmas already? Oh My! How time flies ! I hope the big fat dude brings me something nice this year. I've been good. I think?

Good things come to those who wait, Sara. Be patient your time will come.


Be safe. Be smart.

Dawn Marrie

[Sara Jessica]

One step at a time Sara. Maybe eventually your wife will start feeling more comfortable with the idea and she might cross that boundary for you...if you both agree to it. :)

You are right about that Miranda. And I so very much appreciate that you said "if we both agree to it" as that is a really important part of what I'm trying to say.


Sara Jessica,
Tis the season.
Is it Christmas already? Oh My! How time flies ! I hope the big fat dude brings me something nice this year. I've been good. I think?

Good things come to those who wait, Sara. Be patient your time will come.

Be safe. Be smart.

Dawn Marrie

I love Christmas!!!

I hope that if my time comes with respect to more peeps becoming aware of this whole tg thing that good things do in fact come out of it. I have been thinking much lately about the what-if's should others find out about this side of me.

[Miranda09]

It's nice Sara to hear from someone who is as passionate and considerate of his wife's feelings as his CDing (hope you don't mind the masculine pronouns here). It'll come with time. :):hugs:

[Sara Jessica]

It's nice Sara to hear from someone who is as passionate and considerate of his wife's feelings as his CDing (hope you don't mind the masculine pronouns here). It'll come with time. :):hugs:

Thank you!!! :hugs:

It's interesting that you put it this way Miranda, given there's been some debate elsewhere about pronouns and presentation.

My wife is well aware of my nature, of how I identify based on what I've known to be true from a very young age, that I am a woman at the very heart of my being. But at the same time I have made a conscious commitment not to be true to myself, instead to be true to my family and career and not transition. The trade-off is my decision to be the best I can be when I do have the opportunity to express this part of me. I guess this is where these feminine visual clues really start to show.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I think of it as a constellation. The ancients saw pictures of people and animals in the sky.

I know I'm getting off topic here, but bear with me. Many of us think we can underdress with a bra, but I don't see how that's really possible. There are just so many areas of visibility of the bra. Of course there's the band, and the straps, and the bumps from those little buckle thingies and the bumps where the straps and bands connect with doubled fabric. And some of these are only visible some of the time under some circumstances, like when you reach forward and stretch you shirt tightly against your back. Sometimes the visibility is a color showing through where the bra is, or a color not showing through where the bra isn't. And sometimes it's the additional thickness. Sometimes the lacy edges show through differently. So, just as the ancients could see individual stars in the sky and detect a constellation representing a picture of something familiar, so can an person see a few bits and pieces of a bra showing through and detect a bra.

The lesson here is that you don't need all of the parts to make a whole. Just a few of the parts, combined with the dramatic imagery of the brain can bring something obscure clearly into view.

[Sara Jessica]

I think of it as a constellation (...of clues)

Very well said, a nice way to describe something I've been saying around here for a long time.

Many of us have markers of femininity that we exhibit. It could be what I've already described above, shaved legs & underarms, groomed eyebrows, lack of facial shadow. But one can also add the wearing of nail polish in guy mode, perhaps the length of one's natural hair and even the underdressing you describe. Take one of these alone and those we encounter might not be likely to come to a tg conclusion (ok, maybe except for the bra scenario you talk about which is something I'd never chance!!!). But you start putting things together and that constellation becomes more clear to those who otherwise wouldn't even start to think one is in fact tg.

[PetiteDuality]

I overheard in a conversation that he said something about a little girl being waxed (turns out that apparently this girl, another friend's daughter, was kind of furry when she was a baby)

Sorry, let me focus on this rather that in CD issues.

Isn't it horrible to wax a little girl?

If it's a teenage girl asking for it is much different.

I honestly think that it's torture and should be illegal!

[Hope]

So for those of you who are inclined to say "well, you missed an opportunity to come clean", I'll save you the trouble. I'm pretty darned sure these friends wouldn't have an issue with my being tg and yes, I would actually love to be able to tell them.

If your friends don't love you for who you are, they are not your friends.


However, my wonderful wife still suffers in silence and solitude with this whole thing and she is not comfortable in having others know about this side of me. Any disclosure absent being called out specifically as being tg would have to be a mutual decision on our part.

When you "come out" to only a few people in your world, you aren't so much coming out of the closet, as you are dragging the others in with you.


Whether or not to come out to family (including my children) and/or friends is a huge decision, not one to be taken lightly. Yet the prospect of continually feeding this elephant is not a very encouraging one.

Some day either the energy will no longer be worth it to you, or you will "accidentally" out yourself - or you will get outed by someone else and the gig will be up. Then you won't have to expend so much energy keeping up the facade. You will like that a lot.

[Sara Jessica]

Small new development. I told my wife yesterday what my friend had said.

Her reaction, "you're being paranoid".

Perhaps.

But I don't think so.


Sorry, let me focus on this rather that in CD issues.

Isn't it horrible to wax a little girl?

If it's a teenage girl asking for it is much different.

I honestly think that it's torture and should be illegal!

OK, I should have elaborated on this at the start. There's more to the story than I let on but at the end of the day, he was cracking a joke. Be assured, no child was harmed or waxed in the production of this thread :heehee:.


If your friends don't love you for who you are, they are not your friends.

This is why I wanted to leave this part out of any debate.


When you "come out" to only a few people in your world, you aren't so much coming out of the closet, as you are dragging the others in with you.

But when you're married, decisions such as this should be shared as both of us have to live with any potential fallout. She has known of this side of me since long before we took our vows and unfortunately she has chosen not to disclose with anyone. She is alone in this where I at least have my friends in the community.


Some day either the energy will no longer be worth it to you, or you will "accidentally" out yourself - or you will get outed by someone else and the gig will be up. Then you won't have to expend so much energy keeping up the facade. You will like that a lot.

Don't get me wrong, the energy is so not worth it already. However, if there is any outing going on, I'd prefer it to be entirely on my terms rather than some accidental happening.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

Interesting comment by one of my best friends yesterday.
But I only heard a snippet of what she said so I asked what he meant by ___(name)___ and waxing and he replied "what, you didn't see her when you had your eyebrows done???"

For the record, I repled that I don't wax them (I don't, they're plucked ever so slightly...or so I thought) and quickly changed the subject.

Ahh, you've found one of the "aware" folks. They can pick up the signs easier than others. It's kind of like how I could go into a Lane Bryant in guy mode and they'd "know" like that.



My wife is well aware of my nature, of how I identify based on what I've known to be true from a very young age, that I am a woman at the very heart of my being.

Yes, yes you are.



But at the same time I have made a conscious commitment not to be true to myself, instead to be true to my family and career and not transition. The trade-off is my decision to be the best I can be when I do have the opportunity to express this part of me. I guess this is where these feminine visual clues really start to show.

But you're still a woman in your heart of hearts., don't forget that.


Many of us have markers of femininity that we exhibit. It could be what I've already described above, shaved legs & underarms, groomed eyebrows, lack of facial shadow. But one can also add the wearing of nail polish in guy mode, perhaps the length of one's natural hair and even the underdressing you describe. Take one of these alone and those we encounter might not be likely to come to a tg conclusion But you start putting things together and that constellation becomes more clear to those who otherwise wouldn't even start to think one is in fact tg.

Yep, the "lite" body mods all add up.



But when you're married, decisions such as this should be shared as both of us have to live with any potential fallout. She has known of this side of me since long before we took our vows and unfortunately she has chosen not to disclose with anyone. She is alone in this where I at least have my friends in the community.

I suppose she doesn't want to join any of the partner communities, either here or at other places on the net? Doesn't want to join a support group like Tri-Ess?




Don't get me wrong, the energy is so not worth it already. However, if there is any outing going on, I'd prefer it to be entirely on my terms rather than some accidental happening.

I hear that. I'd rather tell people myself, than for them to guess and spread rumors.

Veronica
Rondelle (Ron) Rogers Jr.

[Areyan]

My mother figured out my partner was TG a long time ago through little things such as her eyebrow shaping and eyeliner. For all intents and purposes she dresses male around others, but my mother saw through it all and asked me point blank if my darling was TG! :eek::heehee:

The good thing is that she's supportive and accepting, lucky for us! So yes, others can put two and two together after some time, if you're hoping to come out to others you'd be surprised how many of them already know. :battingeyelashes:

:love:

Akira