First Time Out

[Mmmatt]

So, instead of slitting my wrists, I decided to just do what I needed to do. Booked a trip to NYC. Planned to spend most of it in my preferred clothing. Got eyebrows waxed (nothing too dramatic), as well as the back. Shaved the rest, which took forever, causing me to miss my Saturday MAC consultation. Chickened out and just wandered NYC in boy mode.

On Monday, I manned up (so to speak), re-shaved, booked a new appointment at MAC, put on my clothes, set my Ipod on the new Shakira song ("She Wolf") and walked out the door. Demoralizing at first. On the way to nail salon, some goon made a big show of "Hey, that's a dude dressed like a chick!" I'm 6'5" in heels and 220 lbs. Not exactly a brilliant piece of detective work on his part. I wanted to ask him if he'd like to have his ass kicked by a crossdresser, but I just kept walking. By the way, 3" heels on new york city streets are way different than in the hotel room.

Salon hurt. All "Mister" and "Sir" from the staff, who insisted on shouting at me from the other side of the room. Afterward, just about went to the hotel room and gave up. I'm glad I didn't.

Went to MAC. Got a makeover from a super nice guy who was very sympathetic, noting how tense I was and reminding me that I was at MAC. Just about cried because he made me look on the outside the way I feel on the inside.

Back at the hotel, took tons of cheesy bathroom mirror pics. Then I went to a concert by one of my fav bands (TheStart). Mostly straight crowd. Generally, nobody cared. Got a few odd looks. Got a few smiles. Overheard one chick point me out to a dude, who replied that at least I looked good, which made me feel good. Felt like myself for once. Went back to the hotel happy.

One of the cheesy bathroom mirror pics. Do I look okay, or is it me?

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Look okay? Are you kidding? Sweetheart, you are gorgeous. Good for you, the first time is the hardest of all, it takes a lot of courage to do what you did, don't think it doesn't. Hard for me to believe somebody would act like that in The City, yeah, you should have asked him if he'd like to have a girl kick his butt, again.<lol> Around here, Seattle, there are so many "alternative lifestyle" types around that a common, ordinary tgirl barely gets a glance.<lol>

You go, girl. More pix, please, btw.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Sweet Jane]

you look wonderful.....do what i do and apply selective hearing when you're out.....i only process the 'nice' comments and let the derision pass overhead....i'm pleased you ended up having a wonderful time

[Kerrie Sifton]

Brave girl, and yes you look just fine, a bit punk for me mind you I am older.. ha ha,.. keep it up and stay the course you will do well.

[Rachel Morley]

Went to MAC. Got a makeover from a super nice guy who was very sympathetic, noting how tense I was and reminding me that I was at MAC. Just about cried because he made me look on the outside the way I feel on the inside.
MAC has a way of doing that don't they? :) I've had a makeover there (it was in San Francisco) and the feeling of encouragement and validation was almost overwhelming.


One of the cheesy bathroom mirror pics. Do I look okay, or is it me? You look cute! ... really good :)

[MissConstrued]

I wanted to ask him if he'd like to have his ass kicked by a crossdresser, but I just kept walking.


Ah, well, one of these times it will just pop out. :)

And you look pretty hot, I say... hope to hear of more of your adventures.

[Sarah09]

Congratulations. The fact that most people were either cool with it or didn't care is wonderful. Hopefully you feel comfortable enough to go out again.

[briannad]

Way to go. I know it was tough and you kept your chin up. You look great, the next time will be easier and better.

[FireFoxAngel]

look great! how was the show?

[Fab Karen]

You look cool. If this was your very first time out, you were very brave and just went & did it. Many of us weren't that bold the first few times out. And you should know that not every time out will get such comments. Maybe you picked a bad salon, some would be much nicer to you as a customer.
Congrats girl. :hugs:

[danielle_from_cal]

You look fantastic in your photo! Thanks for sharing the photo and your great story.

[TxKimberly]

Way to go and you look just fab!
As for the people at the salon, I think that even as w ethink it should be, people sometimes still aren't sure what they SHOULD call us. Clearly we are trying to look like women, but htey know we are men. Maybe some peoples brains just lock up try to work that out.

[Sally24]

I've had so much support that I can't imagine starting out by yourself and going out alone! That takes so much courage. You look great, and it does get easier.

[Linda-x]

I really like your look. You also did a nice job of recounting your weekend, and how you felt. I waited waaayyy to long before I did a MAC makeover. Between professional wig counseling, and MAC, it was about the best things I have ever done, CD wise. You accomplished a lot for your first time out! Way to go girl!

[RICKIE44]

Just blow of those - people. What they want is what you have. Integrity :)

[Diane Smith]

It looks like you got a fantastic makeover from the MAC guy. I love love love your hair and nails, too. The clothes are a bit too young for me, but look great on you. Get out there and show your stuff!

- Diane

[Sarah_new]

You look great in your picture. As the others have said you were brave going out, I still haven't done that, may-be I never will, who knows.

[LisaM]

I nearly cried when I read your story. Most of us have been in the same shoes as you before and felt the same way. But it is all worth it when we finally look in the mirror and see the person we have always felt we were.

[Mmmatt]

Thanks everyone for the kind words!

And the show was amazing (For those into cool pop music with an occasional underground/punk vibe, check out www.myspace.com/thestart). My feet were killing me by the end of the evening though, because it was the first time I had spent that long in heels.

[Emmalee_Summers]

You look very pretty.

[Robynts]

Glad you had a good time, overall. And regardless of what people may say, you are one beautiful girl.

[Philipa Jane]

Hi and welcome.a little bit of a play on your screen name.
Mmmmm I also approve of your look(punk but fem)
The make over sounds great shame about the salon staff not having the common sense to call you mam as you were dressed enfemme.Perhaps a nice card thanking them and suggesting how the experience could be improved.It may make you feel better to have the last word.(darn it that's the male side talking)
Philipa Jane

[joann426]

you look great but i wood do away with the gloves

[paulaN]

I think you look great. Wow!!!! Maybe next time go to Mac's first,then go get your nails or hair done. That should take care of the sir stuff. Because you sure look great in that cheesey mirror pic.

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Wow .You look gorgeous .

[Alana Beaumont]

Wow, hon. Congratulations on your first outting! It sounds like you did really well handling the negative criticisms of the world. I remember my first outting alone: I was going to an art festival in a neighboring town and hadn't been out of the car before some drunk lady came up and shouted, "Oh my god! Are you a man?! You're beautiful" After noticing that she had brought the attention of over a dozen people to me, I rushed back to the car and drove home. Since then, with the exception of local LGBT and Pride events (where I know I'll be welcome) I haven't gone out in drag. :( Currently working on getting my confidence back. :)
Hugs,
Alana

[tricia_uktv]

You look brill hon and well done for getting out there. The next time will be easier I promise. Loved your comments about heels - so true. If I'm going shopping I wear the comfiest shoes I can. Heels are for clubbing! You will get comments good and bad but as you go out more you develop a thicker skin and a better attitude to deal with such things.

I now just love going out there and getting any comment. I wrote in my blog diary on Sunday after shopping, "What used to be the walk of shame is now becoming a cake walk" So give it time, keep your head high, and enjoy yourself. All the best.

[Erica K.]

You look good, girly! I like your arm warmers & hair. The first few times seem to be the hardest, it's even harder when people straight up make fun of you in passing. But I'm sure you've been made fun of in guy mode and it didn't bother you as much (if you even noticed), I know I have.

["Mary"]

You look good Mat. That look works for you.

Looking forward to seeing more of you.

Thanks for sharing.

[pantyhosecd]

you look beautiful girl

[Ms Mira]

That is a bold move.

I hope you had a great time!

[Linda St. John]

WOW...you look good..a real club chick ...the pouty look is best !

Do it again..:cheers:

[Jeanna]

Great look! Been there with sh!t heads and their remarks but that won't stop me. You go girl!
Jeanna

[Jaclyn NM]

Good for you honey, way to hang in there, and I think you look great.

[Sally2005]

Great story! Last time I was out and about, I tried the MAC thing and hit the town much as you did. I didn't get any comments when I was dressed and without makeup on the way there, but then again I didn't stick around too long in any one place. I wore shades which probably helps. I'm also tall for a female, but only around 5'11 in heels so I'm one end of the scale, but I'm sure people notice me. MAC was very supportive. Anyone I spoke with was also respectible to me although I did get some reads/looks, but people just kept quiet. The only comment I got was from a drunk customer while dancing (if you can call it that) and he told me 'don't let anyone tell me I'm ugly because I'm gorgeous'...I don't know what to make of any unusual comments like that. They can make you feel good or bad on different levels. For the person who says 'guy in a dress' then I have to admit to myself that he may actually be correct although its not exactly polite or desired to want to hear it. Don't let it get to you, just smile and laugh (but use the feedback to improve your image, body movements, whatever if you can tell what he noticed).

I think you do look good in your photo. The style is a little unusual if you are looking to blend because it draws the eyes to you, but with a nice smile on your face, I'd say you look like your just out having a good time and I you look decent enough not to get any rude remarks. At lot is attitude and its hard to relax and be comfortable to just enjoy yourself sometimes.

[cd_jamie]

you look fine. if you would have made the offer to open a can of whop ass on that guy the look on his face would have been priceless.

[sandra diaz]

Honey you look wonderful and your youth help you to look more feminine, beautiful picture. About the concert, unfortunately I like music from 60s and 70s. Love your hair; is that your real hair?

[Cindy1512]

Girl you look great !


Comments aside sounds like a great day ?

[Miranda09]

You looked pretty damn good Mat. Good for you on your adventure. The MAC expereince sounded nice as well. Keep it going hun... :)

[Mmmatt]

Thanks again everyone! Such kind words!

I'm trying to figure out the when and where of going out again. My situation is a bit prohibitive.

[GINA-CD]

Hey girl, you look pretty and cool. It's hard to go out there on yourself, I've been there and it took me a lot of courage to walk past the hotel door. Now going to the MAC counter, still need to do that but according to your comments and the way you felt there, it won't be that hard. Thanks for sharing.

[msginaadoll]

You look beautiful. You have your own unique look which is you. Love the hair, and your eye makeup. Definitely brave being out like that, especially to the concert. I do the shopping mall, restaurants, etc, but they feel safer. So I do admire your courage.

[Jennifer Giovannetta]

I wanted to ask him if he'd like to have his ass kicked by a crossdresser, but I just kept walking. :roflmao:

Classic New York City Style there girl!!

By the way the pictures are great!!