Why don't GGs take greater advantage?

[vanphair]

One thing I am curious is about is why more genetic girls don't take advantage of the desire/need for men to wear lingerie? I mean for me I know I would do anything to be with someone who was open, accepting, and even encouraging of my desire to wear lingerie all the time. If a woman said you can do it and I'll be an active supporter but here is what I expect from you ... sign me up! I mean, I know when I am in lingerie I feel very willing to take orders, be helpful, relaxed etc.

Maybe I don't know enough about women's feelings and concerns, but if I liked or loved a person, what they did made them happy, it didn't hurt anyone, and the person was willing to compromise or give in on a lot of things, why is that not a win/win?! Shouldn't it be like saying "You get to bowl two times a week" or "You can get a new car but in return I expect X"? Maybe I'm wrong, but is that what a loving relationship is all about?

[Empress Lainie]

I think many of them don't think you are a "real man" if you like to wear lingerie or women's clothes.

Again, people are different, so you will find some very accepting and supportive in life and play. Just browsing the forums give you so many different attitudes from SO's or wives.



Hee Hee, in my case I never was a "real man" always been a woman, just was too dense to know it.

[Shikyo]

Why should take they an advantage out of that. Girls are more after true love then guys are. No one who is truly in love would take advantage over the other one, no matter what. This shouldn't change just because the person they love crossdresses.

Honestly, do you want your girlfriend/wife take an advantage on you crossdressing? I don't think so, because it would make you feel abused about the hole situation. A relationship like that will not work.

[LaceyMay]

This sounds like you are confusing fetish fantasy with reality.
I for one, wear what I will, when i want. If someone told me I had to do something, or behave in a certain way when I wore certain things around them, I would probably feel like I was being punished for being myself. As a result of feeling punished, I would most likely develop resentments towards the person, and run to hide in the closet once again.

I know some people are into the whole "force me into the clothes thing" , and I feel that everyone is entitled to their own flavors. However I would not want to associate my femme self, with negative consequences. I lived to many years in fear of reprisal, and lived with to much shame and guilt, to go backwards now.

By Allowing someone to put conditions on me being myself, It would cause me more harm then good.


Best wishes;
Lacey May :)

[Gerard]

Why should take they an advantage out of that. Girls are more after true love then guys are. No one who is truly in love would take advantage over the other one, no matter what. This shouldn't change just because the person they love crossdresses.

Honestly, do you want your girlfriend/wife take an advantage on you crossdressing? I don't think so, because it would make you feel abused about the hole situation. A relationship like that will not work.Yeah, my ideas exactly.

[mklinden2010]

>>Maybe I don't know enough about women's feelings and concerns, but if I liked or loved a person, what they did made them happy, it didn't hurt anyone, and the person was willing to compromise or give in on a lot of things, why is that not a win/win?! Shouldn't it be like saying "You get to bowl two times a week" or "You can get a new car but in return I expect X"? Maybe I'm wrong, but is that what a loving relationship is all about?


In your post/question, you shift from focusing on the person (either one of you) to focusing on the relationship...

There are many people who could be a decent lover, companion, partner, etc. Being attracted to someone, and perhaps they to you, is only the first part of putting the/a relationship together - and the relationship is the thing that is of most value. People will make mistakes, get older, find new interests, get fired...

It's the relationship, the prior investment and the working arrangement, that keeps the wheels on through life's ups and downs. It's not "great eyes, great ass...," it's not "tall, dark, and handsome..." It's much more than that.

And, it's not, "I get something, you get something. It's "we" get something. You're not friends, you're not room-mates, you are - if you last - a couple, coupled. If it's a good pairing, you both think about what you are doing constantly with warm regard for what you are constantly doing together; not what they're doing over there and what you're doing over here. You build the boat, you row the boat, you enjoy the ride together.

So, the question is, "Why isn't this activity more valued in relationships?" Actually it is... In some. So, the question is, "Why isn't this activity valued in MORE relationships? Again, it may be... We just don't know about it. That brings you back to a, "Why not?" that needs an answer.

And, I think the answer is that that people are aware that they can probably get a better life relationship elsewhere with less hassle. I say "probably" because it's hard to be sure, much depends on the people involved, the families involved, the community involved.

Long story short, some people on these pages manage a good life - others do not.

If you want a GG to see what you do as a plus, then live your life so that the things you do make sense to them in their pursuit of a long happy life - not just a "freaky" weekend or two.

To us long-term-relationship types out here, we get that CDing is part of who we are and our SOs get that too. It is not, however, "the" thing that's most important about anything.

If it was, we'd be in trouble.

Things don't work out for long if it's, "One egg, one basket."

Live your life so that someday you'll hear your SO say, "There are many eggs, and many baskets, but "we" will figure something out."

Just make sure that something is good for "us" all along and not just "good enough" for you today and me tomorrow.

"We" can only be at one place at a time.

Be at a good place, together.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hmmm. Maybe I am totally misunderstanding the tone of the OP, but I didn't really get that it was supposed to be some sort of tit-for-tat, unemotional business type of relationship in which one person took advantage of the other's needs, as in, "Let me wear panties and I'll buy you a new car." Certainly I didn't get the feelinng that love and affection and emotional connection were somehow excluded from the equation.

What I gathered, and I'm probably wrong as usual, is that in a relationship that is already based on mutual attraction and affection you can also have a give and take in an activity that is essentially harmless. That many tgirls would love to have a partner who says, "Sure, you can dress, but I'd like to be able to do some things I enjoy as well, so we go to the ballet twice a month." These sorts of things are a part of any relationship, at least it seems that way to me. Personally speaking, my other moneyhole, besides clothes, makeup and shoes is flyfishing, I don't indulge so much anymore, but I used to take off for two or three days just to fish, however I also made a deal with my wife that we would spend an equal amount (or more) of time together doing things that were special for her. And it wasn't something that was done begrudgingly, it was done in a spirit of I want you to be happy going both ways. I was happy, she was happy, what's the harm?

Honestly, I just don't get that what Vanphair said involves holding someone up and extorting something from them or taking an unfair advantage. I mean if that's all it were based on then it would be wrong and money may as well change hands.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Mrs. X (gg)]

if a woman said you can do it and I'll be an active supporter but here is what I expect from you

Because when we enter a relationship is about loving that person and sharing a life with him is not about bargaining for goodies or using his CDing as an excuse to force him to spent quality time in things I like to do as well or to make him buy me stuff to ease any guilt he might have about this.

For most of us accepting gg's is more about acknowledging this is part of who our men are as human beings and what make them so special. We don't expect no different of any other relationship just because they are into CDing, we both have to compromise...cding or not.

I would feel very much hurt if my BF someday approaches me to tell me that he would do this for me if I let him do that.....:sad: I rather think that he is so grateful to have me as his partner that he's willing to indulge me without having to negotiate about it because is exactly how I think when the pink fog is in. And this my friend is love.

[docrobbysherry]

" Well, I know what kind of man u r. So, I guess I can live with your HOBBY. But, if anyone ELSE knew u were a CD, they'd be SHOCKED and VERY disapproving".:eek:

[TJ Tresa]

I don't think that all GGs are comfortable with men wearring women's clothing. With that said let me add. I have an accepting wife, it would not be as much fun or as relaxing if I had to dress for anything. We have a great relationship the way things are, we work as a team and as a couple should, we are two and we are one.
I believe some women are not comfortable with crossdressers because maybe they feel threatened, maybe the are not secure in thier own sexuality, maybe they just want a strong burley type man. I don't know, but this I do know "IT IS THIER RIGHT TO LIKE OR DISLIKE WHATEVER THEY WANT", just as it is your right to dress or not dress.

[kasha]

I also think a lot of women may feel being with a CD/TV might make them homosexual. Although they are just clothes, there is a lot of meaning attached to them.

[Kimmy55]

I also think a lot of women may feel being with a CD/TV might make them homosexual. Although they are just clothes, there is a lot of meaning attached to them.

Homosexual,perhaps not.Uncomfortable,definitly!:battingeyelashes:

[vanphair]

To be clear my post was more clearly enumerated by Joni Marie. I suspect a relationship is all about compromise, and that is all I meant. I would not want to buy someone off to let me wear lingerie. I would love to think that I could find a woman who was not only "okay" with it but liked it and encouraged it. How wonderful would it be if we could all find women (if that is what you like, and clearly here it could be whomever you want) whose attitude was "You like wearing lingerie? That's great! Wear it all you want. I love you in it and want you to wear it all the time because I think you look great it in it and it makes you happy." Sadly it seems those women are relatively few and far between. So instead all I am saying is that I would love to find someone who, even if they are not initially in love with the thought of a man in lingerie, would be willing to compromise and go with it. And if that involved me going to the ballet a few times, let's do it --- so long as I am in pink satin panties! ;-)

[Jaclyn NM]

Vanphair,
I happen to agree with you. My desire to wear female attire hurts no one, and breaks no laws that I'm aware of. Also, to the best of my knowledge, no religion expessly forbids the wearing of clothing of the opposite sex. In fact most religions that I'm aware of don't even discuss clothing as such. It is all man made discrimination. And this is one of the very few instances that the discrimination is against men. Anyway, if it pleases me and does not hurt anyone else, why should anyone care.

[MissConstrued]

How wonderful would it be if we could all find women (if that is what you like, and clearly here it could be whomever you want) whose attitude was "You like wearing lingerie? That's great! Wear it all you want. I love you in it and want you to wear it all the time because I think you look great it in it and it makes you happy." Sadly it seems those women are relatively few and far between.


Hm. I have not found them to be rare at all. The biggest problem you have is hiding it, then springing your "secret" on her.

I have no secrets, and approach any relationship with the knowledge that this is what I already do; it's not going to change. In other words, exactly how I treat fishing... skiing... or any of my myriad hobbies. I'm not giving any of them up for a woman. Consequently, I've yet to hear a girlfriend complain about my fishing... or skiing... or what's in my underwear drawer.

The problem isn't them. It's you.

[mklinden2010]

>> I suspect a relationship is all about compromise, and that is all I meant.


Had you written...

"I suspect (think) a (bad) relationship is all about compromise, and that is all I meant."

...you'd probably be voted 100% correct.

A GOOD relationship has sensible compromises, that mean very little - such as, "We'll go by the dry cleaner's first, then the grocery..." where it's understood it's not what chores you do (since you have to do them anyway), but THAT you do them in SOME order and in some timely fashion.

A good relationship is not "all about compromise" as that would be a difficult and generally unhappy relationship for all parties involved. Not only would the constant negotiating be tiresome, probably no one involved would get what they want out of life since almost no one wants to negotiate every moment of their lives with someone else.

It's better to have an understanding of what your common life is about, and work together to achieve those common ends even when the other person is not there to prompt you. You're part of the relationship, they trust you - as you trust them - to work for the good of your relationship as you go about your days.

My amazement with those who crossdress and have happy lives with their SOs - and those who don't - is that one group pays attention to the (entire) relationship and the other group pays attention to what each person wants/seems to want/should want.

The first group gets what "they" are about as part of a couple, the other group seems to view each half of the couple as not fitting together in some way. And, damn, both groups are right!

Thing is, the first group is light years ahead of the second group in getting on in life. You want to win a race, run when the race starts; don't dither at the starting gate forever discussing "the rules." Run!

Compromise is just a sometimes useful way of getting some things done and behind you.

It's not life and it's not what (good) relationships are all about.

[Sheila]

Maybe I don't know enough about women's feelings and concerns, but if I liked or loved a person, what they did made them happy, it didn't hurt anyone, and the person was willing to compromise or give in on a lot of things, why is that not a win/win?! Shouldn't it be like saying "You get to bowl two times a week" or "You can get a new car but in return I expect X"? Maybe I'm wrong, but is that what a loving relationship is all about?

Hun maybe you are young I don't know but .......... as a woman I have never ever worked that way ........ I have always done the very best for those I love throughout my entire life, sometimes at great detriment to myself, only in the last year have I really started to take some me time, emotion, for me instead of giving all I have to those I care about, but that does not stop me from still encouraging those I love to do the best they can and be the best they can be for them

No it should not be about .. you get to wear xyz X times a week and I get to do ABC X times a month in return .......... a loving relationship is about encouraging your partner to be the best they can be, to do whatever makes them happy (albeit within the laws of the country) and the partner will also take into consideration your feelings on things, may even give certain things up if it is distressing their partner to much (and no it's not all about CDing ........ I would be terrified if Debs decided to go bungee jumping on a weekly basis ....... I would encourage her to do it if she want to, but it would leave me terrified on a weekly basis for her safety ....... but I would not stop her doing it deliberately if she wanted to do it .......... she on the other hand may decide to only do it occasionally because of the angst it might cause me ....... does that make any sense :doh:)


No one who is truly in love would take advantage over the other one, no matter what. This shouldn't change just because the person they love cross dresses.
:yt:


For most of us accepting gg's is more about acknowledging this is part of who our men are as human beings and what make them so special. We don't expect no different of any other relationship just because they are into CDing, we both have to compromise...cding or not.


:yt:


I also think a lot of women may feel being with a CD/TV might make them homosexual. Although they are just clothes, there is a lot of meaning attached to them.

Erm no

[vanphair]

I guess I have a lot to learn (no surprise there lol!) The key is for me to be honest about who I am and what I like. Maybe then I will find someone accepting. That's all I want at the end of the day.

[Sheila]

I guess I have a lot to learn (no surprise there lol!) The key is for me to be honest about who I am and what I like. Maybe then I will find someone accepting. That's all I want at the end of the day.

With that attitude and outlook you should do well hun :hugs: ........ I wish you the very best :) ( and I too still have a lot to learn and I am now 51 and 1/2 years young :D)

[Joanne f]

I think you have to be very careful of getting into a tit for tat situation , but providing it does not get out of hand i see nothing wrong doing it as a bit of a fun thing providing you both see it as that (just fun).

[mklinden2010]

>>Maybe then I will find someone accepting. That's all I want at the end of the day.

Again?

Not to pick on you, but...

It's NOT all-about-what-you-want at the end of the day... Unless what you want includes a whole lot of what someone else wants... Make a longer, better, list.

I go to sleep each night looking at her and think, "We made it through another entire day. I hope we get one more, or, a thousand thousand more." I enjoy OUR lives together... Every day. She treasures them - day by day. We both know - by now - that we only get one day at a time - if we get them.

Learn to consider what she wants and what you want to support in life. Find someone who likes you, wants to help you be you, and who you like and want to support along the way in life too.

Crossdressing? Big deal.

Life's not out there - it's right here.

Look at your heart, not what's draped over it... Unless, of course, what's draped over it is her, or, just the idea of her.

[Stitch]

I'd personally hate to be in a relastionship like that. I'd want my partner to do things for me because he wants and because he loves me rather than because I'd let him wear lingerie or do something. I'm an awesome enough girlfriend to garner that kind of respect anyway. :heehee:

Also isn't that like keeping a score? Its unhealthy to do that in relastionships. I'll do this if you do that, but if you don't do that I won't let you do this? Thats doesn't sound fun at all.

I also don't want to take advantage of my partner. I also don't want him to do things because I let him do such and such. He can wear all the sexy lady underwear he likes as but I still want a man. Someone who does things without needing to be bossed around or told what to do. I certainly don't want to tell him what to do, there's no fun in that.

Incidentally, I don't want to be loved because I'm accepting. I want to be loved because I am me.

[vanphair]

Mary and Stitch are both right! When I say "accepting" I mean a person who is open to things and loves a person in their whole. I would love a kind woman who is moral, respectful, and open, particularly to me in lingerie. It will be the whole package.

And I agree no score keeping - that implies someone wins and someone loses. Relationships I think are not a zero sum game.

Sounds like there are more GGs open to this than I realized!

[AnaMarie]

Because when we enter a relationship is about loving that person and sharing a life with him is not about bargaining for goodies or using his CDing as an excuse to force him to spent quality time in things I like to do as well or to make him buy me stuff to ease any guilt he might have about this.

For most of us accepting gg's is more about acknowledging this is part of who our men are as human beings and what make them so special. We don't expect no different of any other relationship just because they are into CDing, we both have to compromise...cding or not.

I would feel very much hurt if my BF someday approaches me to tell me that he would do this for me if I let him do that.....:sad: I rather think that he is so grateful to have me as his partner that he's willing to indulge me without having to negotiate about it because is exactly how I think when the pink fog is in. And this my friend is love.


I totally agree!! :)

[Mrs. X (gg)]

So instead all I am saying is that I would love to find someone who, even if they are not initially in love with the thought of a man in lingerie, would be willing to compromise and go with it. And if that involved me going to the ballet a few times, let's do it --- so long as I am in pink satin panties! ;-)

I guess I got mislead with the "taking advantage" part of the title. In a loving relationship is more to harmonize as a couple than to expect benefit in exchange for something. There are enough "normal" (hate the word) couples out there with this given issue already. In with the mind set of what they can take out of it.

Initially I wasn't in love with the thought of any men in lingerie. Im latina and we are raised with stereotypes of what a man should be and "not". I was married for 15 yrs with this very macho man type. If he had this hobbie he did manage to hide it well for 15 years. Just a glimpse so you know where I come from, very narrow minded environment.

Im very grateful my partner was honest and opened about it. He let me do my own research and to understand at my own pace. He is amazing and I learned cding is a great part of who he is. This has taken time, communication, trust and letting him be. How many of us are out there? I have to say there are more than we all think there are believe me. Look at me.

I indulge him without expecting nothing out of it and sometimes he indulges me without expecting nothing out it...it comes natural.

But I guess you can always manage to find ppl that are more than willing to engage in a fixed relationship giving you what you want and expecting things in return...yup they will take advantage! Good luck on that one.