Told my children

[AllisonR]

Well, girls, got a Happy Birthday call from my oldest son Monday evening. Oh my. Well, we small talked and I'm sitting there thinking about "when" to tell them about me as Allison. This being my first birthday as Allison (since my wife died) and the old saying of "this is the first day of the rest of your life" along with what I read somewhere "Honor, as a way of life" playing in my head, well honor includes honesty and trust. Oh my here we go. "Uhm, I have to tell you something, uh umm" on and on like that. I had asked if both he and his lovely wife could be on the phone at the same time so we all were. Ok, so at last, since she said "just spit it out", and I did (after a bit more umming). "I wear women's clothes. I'm a crossdresser" .....silence (ok, yes I can understand why but it was soooo disconcerting) . Long story shorter; They're "ok" with me dressing but do have concerns about their children (oldest dtr is 15) and I understand that. They've all known me only in boy-mode. Son did say (jokingly) that he'd like to see me in a dress with those tattoos showing ha ha and they did laugh and say 'now we know what to send you for next Christmas' (greedy little girl that I am, I'm looking forward to that!). I apologized that I have to "burden" them with how and/or when they'll tell their kids, my grandchildren and they'll have to work that out on their own. Also told them that I love them all and I don't want to lose them in my life or be lost to theirs.

Next up; daughter. She was closest to her mom. Same thing, hemming & hawing, uhh, umm, etc. Ok, finally got it out and told her I wear girl clothes. Told her about going out to the salon for a pedicure (my first!) Tuesday wearing my new capri pants, a cami and wearing Victoria Secret panties. Wow, first time I've gone out in public in girly outerwear. BTW, tootsies look wonderful in OPI "Pretty at the Premier", just in case you wanted to know. Well, my darling daughter is ok with it, too. Her son is about 22 so no little ones to worry about confusing or shocking when "grandpa" is now, uhmm, "grandma"? I told both kids that they don't have to call me mom (as I am NOT trying to take her place and I'm not their mom) but that if they wanted to, they could send me a father's day card on mother's day or the other way around. I told my daughter, when she called my by my boy name, that she could call me Allison but that she doesn't have to call me mom. She interrupted and said "but I could if I wanted to", uh, oh uh, yeah. "Oh Yes! Yes, darling, you could if you wanted to". Oh, don't I have the sweetest daughter? Yes I do!

Ok, two out of three. Have to try and get hold of youngest son and his wife and go through all this one more time. IF he doesn't start to erect a mile-high fence along the border of Washington State, I will feel very good indeed. I do have my hopes that they'll all tell and explain things to my wonderful grandchildren. I also told all of them that if they, or their kids, have ANYTHING to ask me, to ASK me and I'll answer as honestly and throughly as I can. I wish I could have done this in person but distances wouldn't permit that opportunity and the longer I wait, the harder it'll get. I couldn't wait until they come for vacation and then open the door and say Hi! Welcome to Allison's home.

So, girls, there's my story so far. I'll let you know how it goes with the youngest son and his darling wife. If anyone has any suggestions or thoughts on this, please let me hear it. So hard, so hard to say it outloud and the silence on the phone was terrifying but, at least as of today, they tell me they're ok with this. It is my life, I have to live it how I can while I can and they both understand that and even told me that. Ok, sisters in slips (or heels?), off to bed now. It's been an emotional day with my pedi and the phone calls.

PS: (Wednesday) I just emailed pictures of me to my daughter. Told her to be honest. Well, she was. First thing she said was that I looked beautiful, I look good. Well! What woman doesn't like to hear that, especially from her own daughter? She did add, though, that my "boobies" were kind of big and it might draw attention to myself. I agree with that but also told her that if I picked smaller sized breasts, with my frame and shoulder size, I was afraid they would look too small, out of place or proportion to my body. I'll just have to learn to wear clothes that won't hug my form too much. Yeah, right! ha ha She said maybe a C size would be better and laughed when I said "that means more money spent on bras, you know?" She also laughed when I said that since I can pick their size, I can have any size I want! I am so happy and so proud to call this girl "my daughter"!!!

Allison
"I many never be the girl of my dreams...never-the-less, I'm a Girl"!

[Aubrey Green]

So far, so good. That is good news, congrats! It sounds as if your family is going to be accepting of your life change. All you could ask for is family acceptance.

[Sheila]

Am glad things went well hun, hopefully they will continue to go that way in the future :)

[mklinden2010]

Simply awesome.

[AllieSummers]

That is such great news Allison. I'm so happy for you and proud of you for coming out to them. I would caution how you handle the first time they see you dressed. You might want to break them in slowly. :)

Good luck with your youngest son. It sounds like you raised some good kids. That is a reflection on you and your wife as parents.

Kisses,

Allie

[Shelly Preston]

Well done Allison glad to hear it all went so well :)

[JoanAz]

Congradulations on KIDS , how about posting some picturesin your File Sedtion so we can see the "NEW MOM"
:love:

[Ediosa]

Yeahhhhh!!!! Awesome kids!!

Congrats!!
:love:

[Olivia]

Good for you Allison! I know how proud you must be; I'm so happy to hear your story.:)
Olivia

[kasha]

I think you did a great job raising your children. Please keep us updated on how it goes.

Kasha

[Bobbi Lynn]

Glad it worked out for you!

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

But the rewards when they are accepting is incredible. Good luck and enjoy the journey. Kim :battingeyelashes:

[linnea]

That's wonderful, Alison. I'm very happy for you. I am currently going through a similar process, but I decided that I wanted to tell each of my (grown) children in person. I told my daughter and her husband first, and it was wonderful. I'm hopeful that telling my younger son (36) goes as well, and I hope the same for you in your continued progress toward full disclosure.

[AllisonR]

Oh girls! Thank you so much for all your support. So, an update: Called my youngest son and dtr-in-law last night. Same thing of umm, uh, etc. but I finally get it out that I wear women's clothes. Of course, I do go into more detail that it is more than just wearing clothes, etc. Allison is part of my whole life. Anyway, along with some silence on the phone (what's going on? what are they thinking?) they do tell me that it is ok, if this is what makes me happy, that's what they want for me, to be happy. Oh my, my heart was soaring! Now, along with the feeling of freedom that all of my wonderful children know about Allison, this couple is also burdened with breaking it to their little ones. Again I keep saying "my grandchildren" as I am (as I told them) trying to influence them (they did chuckle at that). My wonderful, wonderful dtr-in-law later emailed, after seeing pics that I sent them, that they thought I look good as a woman also. She had problems picturing me without facial hair before she saw these pictures and my son also was, like "Wow, he looks like a girl". Overjoy for me! I told them about these forums and reading what other girls do in their lives, how they handle this with their families, etc., and how much support you all give each other. I am so looking forward to my Virgin Debutante Dinner and the River City Sparkle though I know I still need more work with makeup and I hope my new hair arrives before Sparkle. Dtr-in-law did ask me how much farther I was going to go with this. I reassured them once more that I am not going to get SRS, hormones, etc. but what she was getting at was if I would be going to work as Ally. Oh, well, I wish I could but no, I won't. First off, I don't live in a city like San Francisco where CD/TG/TS is more open and accepted. This is a smaller town and I deal with "old fogies" ha ha who wouldn't, in my thoughts, be as cool with my new appearance. Also, sometimes it gets hot and dirty. Silicone forms get pretty warm next to my skin and I wouldn't want to ruin my nice clothes! Ha ha, Vanity, thy name is Allison! So, all in all, my children are "ok" with this. Son doesn't want to tell his little boys about me as yet, though I get the feeling my dtr-in-law would be leaning towards "yes". They are the parents, they know the children and they would know best. I did mention though, that the little ones will need to know sooner or later as they will find out sometime. My oh my, I feel so good! My kids are ok and didn't call me names or slam down the phone. They think I look pretty and Dtr-in-law suggested a couple of makeup tips (fuller lips-she's been asking for Botox or...assfat ha ha in her lips- and Lee PressOn nails). I do hope my grandchildren will be told, explained and be understanding, young as they are.



That is such great news Allison. I'm so happy for you and proud of you for coming out to them. I would caution how you handle the first time they see you dressed. You might want to break them in slowly. :)

Good luck with your youngest son. It sounds like you raised some good kids. That is a reflection on you and your wife as parents.

Kisses,

Allie

Allie, thank you! I don't know when they will see me dressed in person. They liked what they saw in the pictures though I think youngest son will still need more time to "process" all this. My darling wife, his mother, was as he put it "out of the picture" for several years of his early life (I was her second husband) so I had to repeat myself that I am NOT trying to be his mom, he doesn't have to call me mom nor am I trying to make him think of me as such. I do hope he understands that. As to "breaking them in slowly" the first time they see me dressed, how do I do that? If they visit me or I them, I'll be dressed and madeup. I am not *over the top*, gawd I hope not! so I hope they'll be acceptable of my appearance in person, some day. I also cannot take credit for raising them. I married their mom much later. They have visited us many times over the years but lived in Washington State so I had no input into their character. It is more a reflection on their great character and strength on how they turned out and who they married (Oh! my great children-in-laws!).



Congradulations on KIDS , how about posting some picturesin your File Sedtion so we can see the "NEW MOM"
:love:

Joan Az, I will as soon as I get some time and "figure out how to do so". Now that my kids have seen me, let me know that I look good (yeah, more vanity), I will figure out how to post my avatar and get some pics into my file. Thank you!


Yeahhhhh!!!! Awesome kids!!

Congrats!!
:love:

Elizabeth, you Latin Dancer you, thank you, too and I want you to know that girls like yourself, KimberlyTx, Kathi Lake and all the rest who share their adventures "outside" are the ladies who inspire me. Elizabeth, you are beautiful! Inside and out. Yes, they are awesome kids!! Oh, yes! I love them! I had to reassure them, especially youngest son, that I am not gay, unless you count me as a "lesbian" while as Allison since I really like girls (and that wouldn't even be real lesbian sex). I explained that I couldn't be romantically involved with a guy, nor even another CDer as underneath all the clothes, we're still boys. He still has problems with this, though. When I see pictures of HOT ladies like yourself, Elizabeth, or AllieSummers, it is hard to keep that thought in my head. I have nothing against anyone being gay, it just isn't me. On the other hand, even if I find a GG who will accept my Allison side, it wouldn't be real "girl-girl sex", drat! :-)



Good for you Allison! I know how proud you must be; I'm so happy to hear your story.:)
Olivia
Thank you, Olivia, but see my update. Hmm, not as good as I'd hoped. BUT I am proud of these daughters of mine!



So far, so good. That is good news, congrats! It sounds as if your family is going to be accepting of your life change. All you could ask for is family acceptance.

Aubrey, that is the least I can ask for. The most is to be welcomed into their homes with my grandchildren. Doesn't look like it in the near future. My girls being supportive? Oh yes! That IS good news. I just couldn't get over how it felt (still feels!) when I read their emails and they call me Allison! and when my daughter actually said my name, oh, my heart soared!

[ReineD]

Congratulations! I can imagine how good it feels to let your kids know who you are. :hugs: If ever any of them have questions or concerns, you could also tell them about this site.
:love:

[AllisonR]

Oh my, girls. Some good news, some bad. Have spoken with my daughter on the phone. Sent her pics of Allison...she called me back and said I am pretty!! That's good! I know that a woman thinks I'm pretty as a girl. It means a LOT that she is ok with calling me by my name.

Finally got hold of my youngest son and dtr-in-law K. Told them my story, what I feel, who I am, etc. Like before, some silence on the phone but they told me that it's ok, if that's what I need to be happy, then they want me to be happy. Tears of joy that my kids are ok with this!

As for my grandchildren? Well...my son is not sure about telling them as they are very young. I'm ok with that, for now. Have been emailing with dtr-in-law K. She is totally supportive BUT she told me that he said that he probably would never be able to call me Allison!! Oh! That does, really does hurt. He doesn't want the kids to see me as a woman, either.

Yes, girls, these are the risks that I was aware of. So far, I am being told that they will not shun or ban me from their lives but at the same time, he won't call me Allison and doesn't want me to meet my grandchildren as a woman. Maybe in a few years? Yes, there is a lot of pain in my heart. Ok, these are his children and he must raise them as he and she see fit. K is very good, calls me by name (Allison) and also liked the pictures. I look girly but then, maybe that's part of the problem?

On one of these forums, there was discussion about comparing CDers with gay members in a negative manner. I meant absolutely NO disrespect towards our gay and lesbian family members. We all do know, though, that it is a big concern with people when we tell them about our new life as a woman. Turns out, the homophobia aspect is a concern here. I can't understand where the homosexual part comes in as I have tried to reassure him that I am not gay (just because I feared this problem) and, heck, I'm not really a real lesbian! Maybe, someday, he can explain what his viewpoint is. I haven't gotten a chance to talk on the phone with him. K, my lovely dtr-in-law, asked if it would be ok with him if she visited with me and he said it would be ok. More tears of joy and happiness! My daughter seems totally ok, too. Called me Allison on the phone!! though with a little hesitation (I think) which I won't begrudge her. I know it must be hard for her to say it outloud.

Well, ladies, I knew that these scenarios might have come to pass. But, my choice of taking that risk vs just keeping silent about my real identity, was (in my opinion) something that *had* to be done. Again, being my birthday (in more ways than one), the start of my life from now on, I just had to tell my family. Not out of any conceit, vanity or attention-getting (who'd want to go through this for conceit or attention?). Girls, wish them luck in finding a path of acceptance, knowledge and education. I hope, I truly hope that my children and grandchildren might some day be able to have me in their homes as the woman I am. For now, two of my girls call me by Allison and I am so very, very happy and grateful for that!

I haven't heard back from my oldest son or his lovely wife so I don't know what they are feeling after our phone conversation. I don't know yet how they've dealt with this, what they've discussed between them. I won't push it, I won't bug them. It'll happen when they're ready.

To all my sisters on these forums, "thank you" for all your support and best wishes. It means a lot to girls like us who are going through tough times, even if they aren't posting their trials on-line, to know that there are strangers out in sister-land who want success for someone they've never even met.

Love and hugs,
Allison
"I may never be the girl of my dreams...never-the-less, I'm a Girl"!

[KimmiH]

Love You!:D

[AllisonR]

Oh, my darling! I love you, too!!! You are so sweet, so good and I am so proud to have you as my daughter. Both you and Barbie have given me such love and hope. Thank you my sweet daughter!


Love You!:D

[lilyrose]

Allison,

What a powerful story with all its tears & joys. Whatever the heartbreaks, people seem to be surprisingly accepting & understanding.

Lily

[carysmarie]

what a story!!! just makes u wonder why you didn't come out before hey?? think of all the bra's knickers and skirts u've been missing out on. :) lol, i can't say much either, i've not long told my SO about my little secret too.....but so glad that i did now.............just enjoy....which i gather you are at the mo....happy days!!! Xx

Carys