If I could be sexier as a male, I'd probably wouldn't crossdress as much...

[PetiteDuality]

I crossdress because I love to be sexy. I'm straight, and I know for sure when a girl is sexy. But I'm not as sure or confident regarding male image, including myself.

I really love when I get girls' attention. However, men styles don't make it easy. Why can't I show more my legs, shave them, wear tighter clothes, show my belly, etc? Why men clothing has to be so dull and boring?

During my teen days, I was very self conscious about my image. I really thought that I'd never find a girl. Once in college, I learned that I was not bad looking, and actually got a decent amount of female attention, although I was very shy.

Today I'm married and I'm faithful to my wife. But it doesn't mean that is wrong to want to be sexy or attractive. Many married women still are, they don't wear burqas after getting married.

Am I being too vain for caring too much about this? Of course, this question makes sense only for a man, a woman is supposed to want to be pretty and sexy.

What do you think? Too much ranting for such short lines :doh:?

[Shikyo]

We all have different reasons for using female cloth. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look sexy. Deep inside each of us, we want to be sexy but not many of us are willing to say it out like you did.

I can agree about male cloth being dull and boring. I never got excited about male cloth, sometimes I found a nice piece of cloth, but that was usually because of the material used(mainly silk shirts), but other than that I really didn't find much nice cloths that I could wear. Now that I've changed over to the female side for the rest of my life, I've started to find so much more, so much I can wear and that looks really nice. Not only do I feel much better when I wear them, of course I think that I look sexier in them as well, that is not a question at all.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

At 64, sex is nowhere near as important as dressing for the pleasure of just enjoying my femininity

JoAnne Wheeler

[sometimes_miss]

Yes, I'm absolutely sure that if I were more attractive to women, and had a stable loving relationship with one, I'd have much less desire to crossdress. When I have a woman in my arms, I have zero feelings about wanting to wear girl's clothing whatsoever. So I'm sure that it's tied into my crossdressing. I have in the past been able to go for years without crossdressing when in love and feeling loved.

[Aubrey Green]

There is probably some truth to that. If I looked more like Tom Selleck than Tom Sawyer, I would probably be too busy to crossdress.

[Erica K.]

I just had this conversation with a friend a few days ago. She tells me if I put as much time into my male self I would have no problem attracting women (as a man). I never considered myself attractive, but my friends tell me otherwise & it's just my self esteem that needs improvement. Hmm, even if I had no problem in this area I still would crossdress. But I say that viscerally from where I'm at now.

[Gerard]

I don't have a clear answer, I need to think about this one.

[gender_blender]

I'm one of the fortunate ones who looks great as a male and gorgeous as a female.

[mklinden2010]

Since you "cherry picked" out of context in your reply, I think I'll just pull my post and leave you standing there.

If you think you'd crossdress less if you were a sexier guy, then that's what you think.

Good luck with that.

Frankly, I think it's a silly notion, wishful thinking, and, ignores most, if not all, of the life experience and reasonable science already available on the subject.

"But, if that works for you..."

As for the rest of your post (below), just keep guessing.

You don't seem to be interested in hearing, or, reading any other viewpoints and I have no interest in hearing, or, reading about yours from this point onward.

Spare me, oh not sexy enough one... And, put that catalog away!

[PetiteDuality]

I'm one of the fortunate ones who looks great as a male and gorgeous as a female.

Sorry honey, I just don't picture you as a male :)

[PetiteDuality]

>>If I could be sexier as a male, I'd probably wouldn't crossdress as much...


Huh?

Why the hell would you care about being sexy, or, um, sexier - is your wife running around on you or something? If she is, and it's only about sex, let her go... There's only so much a person can do. Jeez.

Oh... Sorry, dozed off there...

Uh... Noooo... Being sexier as a guy and therefore not crossdresing is pretty lame. Things in crossdressing land just don't work that way. What an "excuse": "I crossdress because I'm not sexy enough as a man." Sexy enough for what?

Only reason you'd want to be sexier as a guy is to get busier as a guy, if you know what I mean. Otherwise, you got other stuff to do: Man up, ol' married guy.

But, if you want to sex it up, get some better clothes, bath more, shave strategically, get another car, and... Oh, yeah... two cell phones: one for "home," and another for, ah, "work."

As to who you get sexy for and with... Well, that's up to you. You sound so damn shallow and clueless, however... And, not that it matters to me, but I doubt it would matter who was petting you on the arm so long as you got more attention.

Again, jeez... "I'm not sexy enough as a man so I crossdress."

Oh, wait... Did I just dream that?

Damn! That was weird..

Sorry.

PS

Once you've done something, it's a part of who you are. If you've crossdressed and liked it enough to repeat it, you know that much about yourself and it will always be an option. Looks have nothing to do with it; it just is what it is once it is. If your favorite ice cream is vanilla, you're not going to one day decide on strawberry - and ENTIRELY forget the taste of vanilla. Can't be done. Even if you think, "If only vanilla looked better..."

I guess that you are one of these über-macho guys who just don't get it.

The only reason to be sexy is to get sex? Really? If you see a sexy woman around, you think that she is hunting for sex?

That's the way many "dirty old men" and rapists think. Sorry pal, but this is really lame.

And I also find very little respect in your comment. I mentioned that I'm married and that I'm faithful to my wife. You have no right to doubt it.

According to you, married people can only look awful. They can't look good or be sexy, because otherwise they'd be looking for extramarital sex.

I really thought that I could find less bigotry in the CD community. I guess I was wrong...


Looks have nothing to do with it

Really? Looks has nothing to do with crossdressing? Let me suggest to eliminate the pictures section from this forum...

[deja true]

Actually, Ma Petite, I think you're right, too.

A year ago in a casual conversation with a good friend, while fending off both men and women who were trying to get her to dance and have another drink and who knows what else, she said..."See why I do this? If I came in here as a guy, nobody would pay the slightest bit of attention to me!"

So yes, the approving attention of others is a very valid motive. And after that evening, my first time out in a real public place (not just at the conference where all us birds of paradise were vying for attention), I had to agree with her.

;)

[Cheshire Gummi]

Vanity is the idea that your own appearance consumes and controls you and keeps you from enjoy or attending the other important aspects of yourself. It's like greed. Wanting money isn't a problem until all you want is money.

There's nothing wrong with trying to be comfortable and confident in your skin. If it turns you into a blubbering pile of human ooze when you can't take those extra two hours to exfoliate, it's a problem. If, on the other hand, you just wish to be acknowledged as the creature you wanna be, then you're only human.

[Leanne2]

I have never wanted to look sexy as a man or as a woman. As a man I've got that old guy frumpy look. As a women I've often been told that I look pretty. But only women have told me that. When dressed, I don't have anything to do with men if I can help it. Who wants to play with pigs. Most men are smelly and disgusting. All of my friends are women and that is fine with me. Leanne

[Ms Mira]

Women judge men different than men judge women.... The way the guy carries himself is more important than just how they look. So, and this is advice that I am really trying to follow myself, I guess you just have to learn to be OK with your dressing-self (and self in general) and try to stay confident as a male. That balance between dressing and being a male is a tough one, but keep working on both 'sides' of yourself and good things will happen.

[DonnaT]

I crossdress because I love to be sexy. I'm straight, and I know for sure when a girl is sexy.

I crossdress because I'm transgendered. I had the urge to dress around age 6, got started around age 10. I did not start CDing just to be sexy. There was no desire to be sexy at that age.

I suspect the same with you. And that since you are trans and do CD, then you wish to be sexy in your appearance. This should sound familiar, since yesterday you said:


First try-on I guess around age 7. Regularly since about 11-12 yo.

My first interest for feminine things occurred when I was about 5, and I had an child's encyclopaedia. One of the books was about ballet. Of course, at that age and at that time, ballet was in my mind a girl-only activity. I remember locking my bedroom door and windows, and trying to repeat the ballet steps.

I felt so girly, had a big thrill about it. And for some reason I knew that I had to keep this to myself and not get caught.

Not exactly crossdressing, but very close in several aspects.

So, in other words, I doubt you crossdress because you love to be sexy, but instead love to be sexy when you crossdress, and crossdress because you are trans.

[Miranda09]

I think of myself as being equally attractive in male or female mode. Not sure if that means I'm a knockout either way, but when I look in the mirror, I'm satisfied. :)

[PetiteDuality]

I crossdress because I'm transgendered. I had the urge to dress around age 6, got started around age 10. I did not start CDing just to be sexy. There was no desire to be sexy at that age.

I suspect the same with you. And that since you are trans and do CD, then you wish to be sexy in your appearance. This should sound familiar, since yesterday you said:



So, in other words, I doubt you crossdress because you love to be sexy, but instead love to be sexy when you crossdress, and crossdress because you are trans.

Hi Donna,

Actually, I see some connections.

Of course, when I was very young, I didn't have "sexyness" in my mindset. Just too young.

But I was a weak kid. Really bad at sports. Too short. With mean male schoolmates, but a few good girl friends. My father made fun at me for sucking at sports.

If we take the "sexy" concept and pair it with "acceptance" and "comfort", we would be talking about the same. I was not able to get even with what was expected from me as a boy (to be tough, less sensitive, pick fights, etc), and felt more comfortable doing some female activities. I thought that girls didn't have the kind of pressures that I was not able to bear when a kid.

I felt more comfortable and secure as a girl if compared with how I felt as a boy. Maybe the same way I feel with my female image if compared with my male image (talking about physical image and "sexyness").

I'd like to clarify that when I mean "sexy" I don't mean it as "looking for sex". I mean just being attractive.

I don't want to start arguing about labels, but I don't have the desire to become a girl, so I don't feel I'm transgendered, just crossdresser. I've also mentioned in a different thread that I've made peace with my male side over the years, since as you mature then all these toughness, sportiness, etc is not mandatory for a man my age to be a "man".

[Frédérique]

I guess that you are one of these über-macho guys who just don't get it.

I really thought that I could find less bigotry in the CD community. I guess I was wrong...

Welcome to the USA, Petite – fabulous, isn’t it?



I felt more comfortable and secure as a girl if compared with how I felt as a boy. Maybe the same way I feel with my female image if compared with my male image (talking about physical image and "sexyness").

I'd like to clarify that when I mean "sexy" I don't mean it as "looking for sex". I mean just being attractive.

I don't want to start arguing about labels, but I don't have the desire to become a girl, so I don't feel I'm transgendered, just crossdresser. I've also mentioned in a different thread that I've made peace with my male side over the years, since as you mature then all these toughness, sportiness, etc is not mandatory for a man my age to be a "man".

You’re free to do all that and more. I especially like that last sentence! Making peace with your male side actually makes you sexier to women, I feel. This idea is threatening to other “males.” It points out their own insecurities and may explain why unsolicited negative comments ensue. Just ignore them, Petite, and be yourself. Since we’re all welcome at this site (at least initially), I don’t understand why other members get so bent out of shape about labels and sexual issues. Aren’t we encouraged to be anything we want to be? Pardon me if I actually want to do that…

[sometimes_miss]

Looks have nothing to do with it

And

Really? Looks has nothing to do with crossdressing? Let me suggest to eliminate the pictures section from this forum...

For some, how we look to the outside world makes a difference, for others of us, it makes no difference at all. Don't assume to speak for everyone.



I thought that girls didn't have the kind of pressures that I was not able to bear when a kid.
They don't have the same kind of pressures that boys to, but they have girl specific problems to deal with. A girl's childhood is way different than that from a boy's, and it's not always automatically better just because we don't understand what they have to deal with. In fact, girl's lives are often just as lousy as ours. Try reading about adolescent female psychology and it takes away a lot of the 'glamour' that we suppose their lives hold. The ophelia series is a good start:

(http://www.amazon.com/Reviving-Ophelia-Saving-Selves-Adolescent/dp/1594481881/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1250214531&sr=8-2)

http://www.amazon.com/Ophelia-Speaks-Adolescent-Girls-Search/dp/0060952970/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1250214531&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Surviving-Ophelia-Mothers-Navigating-Tumultuous/dp/034545538X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1250214531&sr=8-3

And another:
http://www.amazon.com/My-Sisters-Voices-Teenage-Girls/dp/080506821X/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1250214531&sr=8-5

If you wish more references to read, PM me. One of the common thoughts I see in a lot of our threads is the idealization of female lives. Their lives often suck just as much as ours do, just in different ways that we never notice.

Lexi/Alex, depending on who I feel mostly to be at any given moment.

[PetiteDuality]

They don't have the same kind of pressures that boys to, but they have girl specific problems to deal with. A girl's childhood is way different than that from a boy's, and it's not always automatically better just because we don't understand what they have to deal with. In fact, girl's lives are often just as lousy as ours. Try reading about adolescent female psychology and it takes away a lot of the 'glamour' that we suppose their lives hold

Totally agree!!! Their life is tough too. I have sisters and I know a bit about what they endured during these years. A different kind of toughness.

I'm not minimizing girls' difficulties. Maybe my psychology and personality was better prepared to endure girls difficulties than boys'.

I also know some girls that had a better time around boys, playing sports, etc, while girls were mean and rude with her.

[MissConstrued]

Am I being too vain for caring too much about this? Of course, this question makes sense only for a man, a woman is supposed to want to be pretty and sexy.



Come to think of it, that's all I do -- I just like to be pretty and sexy.

It just looks an awful lot like cross-dressing. :heehee:

I think it's more a matter of standing out from the crowd, and being confident doing it. My look on an evening might be anywhere between full drag, and drab. I might wear an LBD... or girl jeans, t-shirt, and makeup but no wig... or 3 days' beard growth and a denim skirt. All of it gets me female attention... however, the type of females paying attention varies a bit with my look. One good example was this lesbian couple I got to know a while back. One of them liked "girl mode" and the other preferred the "boy with makeup" style. Interesting dynamic.



I'm one of the fortunate ones who looks great as a male and gorgeous as a female.

Does anyone hate you just because you're beautiful? Hmm? :D

[PetiteDuality]

Welcome to the USA, Petite – fabulous, isn’t it?

:D



You’re free to do all that and more. I especially like that last sentence! Making peace with your male side actually makes you sexier to women, I feel. This idea is threatening to other “males.” It points out their own insecurities and may explain why unsolicited negative comments ensue. Just ignore them, Petite, and be yourself. Since we’re all welcome at this site (at least initially), I don’t understand why other members get so bent out of shape about labels and sexual issues. Aren’t we encouraged to be anything we want to be? Pardon me if I actually want to do that…

I agree with you. Apparently, some people are still comfortable behaving according to the macho standards of their elementary school days.



It just looks an awful lot like cross-dressing

:^5:

[urmilaaa2008]

I do enjoy dressing up and I like the feel of soft silk,satin on my body.
I know i dont look sexy as dressed up, but it gives me a great sense of satisfaction. but it gives so much happiness, I wish I knew why. I am fully satisfied hetrosexual married man, therefore i can say it is not out of any frustration.

[Emma England]

You would still have the desire to crossdress.

Otherwise, you would go down the route of being metrosexual.

[PetiteDuality]

You would still have the desire to crossdress.

Otherwise, you would go down the route of being metrosexual.

Good point!

Yes, I'd still have the desire. But maybe not as much as it is now.