What might happen if you go into.....

[SandyR]

The ladies room!

In June I spent what should have been 2 nights of fun/work and Sandy time in a wonderful mountain village. Did not work out.

Here is the setting I get to the hotel check in around 3:30 use one of the carts to drag my one lil boy bag and 3 GIANT size ones for Sandy to the room. All the looks I got should have been my 1st NO GO Sandy......But I pushed through it and proceeded to get all cleaned up and ready for my fun night.

After spending about an hour getting ready and a new skirt/top no hose and these real cute orange sandals off I was for a quick drive with the top down all seemed well put some gas in the car got a big cup of coffee (my big mistake) drove by the lake looked around really nice night. Head back to the room coffee kicked in and I made a quick pit stop in the lobby floor ladies room. No biggy (no one in there but me and I rushed) I thought, back to the
room. Chatting with the Wife and Knock on the door blank bank police dept....Oh geeze....open the door and seems someone saw me going in complianed......

Slaped with a "disorderly conduct".........

Well long story short today it got dismissed today, but only afer going through a eval to be sure I was no threat to myself or others.

Glad it's over.

Just be careful out there Girls...

Hugs!

Sandy

[RebeccaLynne]

And that's why so many are reluctant to be "out and about".

[Olivia]

Good grief!! Disorderly conduct? That is scary! Protect and serve indeed...
O
and some call it paranoia.:straightface:

[Persephone]

Chatting with the Wife and Knock on the door blank bank police dept....Oh geeze....open the door and seems someone saw me going in complianed......

Slaped with a "disorderly conduct".........

Well long story short today it got dismissed today, but only afer going through a eval to be sure I was no threat to myself or others.
. . .
Hugs!

Sandy

Yipes! Glad to hear it was dismissed (as it should have been!). That "someone" must have been connected with the hotel staff, otherwise how did the police know your room number?

[Tracii G]

Yipes! Glad to hear it was dismissed (as it should have been!). That "someone" must have been connected with the hotel staff, otherwise how did the police know your room number?

I agree.

[Jennifer N J]

do you happen to be a proffessor?

[Sally24]

Sorry the small town decided to abuse vague statutes to bother you. Maine has just joined a small group of states that protect your right to use the "appropriate" bathroom.
http://www.bangordailynews.com/detail/106487.html

Now the title "Vacationland" makes even more sense for us.

[Fab Karen]

Seems like it could be a case of hotel staff-person finding something to use against you.
Unfortunately, there are still some places where we have to consider it, just as black people have dealt with a similar mentality in some locations before.

I looked up the definition:
Disorderly Conduct Law & Legal Definition

Disorderly conduct is a minor criminal offense that may be charged for public drunkenness, loitering, disturbing the peace, and loud threats or parties.

The following is an example of a state statute dealing with disorderly conduct:

"Offense defined.--A person is guilty of disorderly conduct if, with intent to cause public inconvenience, annoyance or alarm, or recklessly creating a risk thereof, he:

1. engages in fighting or threatening, or in violent or tumultuous behavior;
2. makes unreasonable noise;
3. uses obscene language, or makes an obscene gesture; or
4. creates a hazardous or physically offensive condition by any act which serves no legitimate purpose of the actor."

[tricia_uktv]

I think someone had it in for you but I'm only vaguely aware of the different rules you have in different States over there. I use the ladies whenever I am out dressed and so far have not had any adverse comments.

[PaulaJaneThomas]

No such problem here in dear old England. The beer's better too :)

[Angie G]

I'm glad it turned out OK Sandy what a total bummer.:hugs:
Angie

[MichelleP]

Whew, I'm glad everything turned out okay. I'm surprised the cop did anything at all. He must have felt obliged to make his small town constiuents feel safer by citing you, then later the constabulary thought better of it.

Michelle

[Jean Ann S]

I have been out and about in New Mexico quite a lot without any problems
Spent a couple of days out in Taos in sundresses and short shorts with absolutely no problems Also been out out in Santa Fe and Espanola and Alberquerque
JUst as anywhere really have to be careful of small towns and smaller minds
but the more we do it the better for us all

Jean Ann

[Terri Andrews]

I am glad that it didn`t go any further ,there are still a lot of small minds out there .
Plesae don`t let this stop you from going out .

[Angel.Marie76]

Okay, I started this entry one way, and then wiped it because I felt like I was being too presumptious.

On one hand, I can see the police's perspectives given several variables, such things as their own experiences, the town's experiences, and the state's overall view on CD/TG/TS exposure. If you're staying in an area that has little respect for us, then you're likely to encounter significant resistance. From perhaps a blind perspective (and I'll stretch this with devil's advocacy) the police are just doing their duties to determine the truth. If they feel like you were perhaps just a random person crossdressing and screwing around then sure, your intentions /might/ warrant at least a talking to but certianly not a disorderly conduct.

Now, that having been said, as a transwoman going out and about myself, I do carry (at least) a letter from my therapist (who is also TS) that states very clearly what I'm going through, and that my intentions are most certianly with non-harmful intent towards others AND that I'm working with a professional who knows and understands what's going on. If I'm ever intercepted by a member of the force, if they don't grasp the depth of the situation after having this relayed to them, fine. I'll go to court, I'll ask to bring my therapist with me. I would hope in everyone's best interests that it would be a 'big misunderstanding' that would never happen again (not that I would EVER go back to a place that alienated me so).

I admit that I'm cautious about using bathrooms when I go out, and I choose unisex ones when I can, and women's after. I expect that I'll encounter resistence here and there over time, as sad as it may sound.

I'm glad that they dismissed the infraction for you, however I'm curious to know on what grounds and if you're likely to be harassed again by that officer (or department as a whole).

[Granny Gray]

Sandy: Sorry you found some jerk in NM. I lived in Albuquerque until about 6 years ago. For years, I went anywhere and everywhere, including the ladies loo in stores etc. I needed to go, with never a problem. You must have encountered someone with an ax to grind. There are JERKS every where, occasionally they get their drawers in a knot. If you, as you describe your activities you were not, making an offensive display of yourself disrespecting the peace of others in the area, you were obviously hassled unjustly. Granny Gray

[Sarasometimes]

The ladies room!

In June I spent what should have been 2 nights of fun/work and Sandy time in a wonderful mountain village. Did not work out.

Here is the setting I get to the hotel check in around 3:30 use one of the carts to drag my one lil boy bag and 3 GIANT size ones for Sandy to the room. All the looks I got should have been my 1st NO GO Sandy......But I pushed through it and proceeded to get all cleaned up and ready for my fun night.

After spending about an hour getting ready and a new skirt/top no hose and these real cute orange sandals off I was for a quick drive with the top down all seemed well put some gas in the car got a big cup of coffee (my big mistake) drove by the lake looked around really nice night. Head back to the room coffee kicked in and I made a quick pit stop in the lobby floor ladies room. No biggy (no one in there but me and I rushed) I thought, back to the
room. Chatting with the Wife and Knock on the door blank bank police dept....Oh geeze....open the door and seems someone saw me going in complianed......

Slaped with a "disorderly conduct".........

Well long story short today it got dismissed today, but only afer going through a eval to be sure I was no threat to myself or others.

Glad it's over.

Just be careful out there Girls...

Hugs!

Sandy
Can you give us the heads up on where abouts this happened? Mayberry?

[Mandyflcd]

Sorry to hear about the problem but glad to hear it was resolved. You should never have had to go through all of it in the first place. In a correct world the cops would have gotten in trouble for harassing you.

I used to travel to Albuquerque a lot and went out dressed quite a bit. The only time I had to use the restroom was when I was at one of the adult toy / video stores in town. I went to use the ladies room and the door was locked. I was walking down the hallway when a female employee came around the corner and asked if I needed her to unlock the restroom door. I said yes and followed her. She went straight to the female door and unlocked it instead of the male restroom door. That meant more to me than that employee will ever know!!

[SandyR]

Wow! I did not expect so many replies, but they are comforting and I appreciate them very much! But what else coud I expect from this site it's always been a great source of support. To those that have emailed me with support/advice thank you as well.

I really don't want to say the exact location in a public forum since I often travel there and wish this place no harm at all.....it rocks!

PM me for details....

Hugs!

Sandy

[Jamie001]

Why do we have this problem in America and why do we feel the need to have separate men's and women's restrooms? In France, many of the restrooms are for men and women and there is no distinction. There are separate stalls and everyone just goes about their business. What is the problem in America?

On the other hand, I remember reading on this forum last year about a woman that came out of the women's restroom and said that there is a man in there with her and her daughters. Her redneck husband went berserk and wanted to kill the TG person that was using the restroom. It is really scary out there when these imbecile rednecks are roaming the streets.

[Fab Karen]

At the very least don't patronize that hotel.
As I understand the law, if the cop did not witness the event, the person who called the police would have to press charges to get them to punish you ( assuming there were no other witnesses ).

[SandyR]

I don't plan to stay there again.

The cop did not witness, but the patron did and was present it was also caught on video....

Sandy

[TSchapes]

I do believe they were in the wrong and like you say, you don't have to stay there. But if I may, if you had a room and a bathroom in it, why not wait to go to the bathroom there? Me personally I hate public restrooms just because they are dirtier than the restroom in your own room. Just a thought.

-Tracy

[Gerard]

Whoa. Good to hear nothing came of it, but I think they were wrong in the first place.

I can understand the police checking you out and having a chat, if they get a complaint, but that should have been all.

I still don't really get why we have separate male and female restrooms in places where they have stalls with lockable doors. I wish that they would just get rid of the whole concept in most places.

[tiffanyjo89]

I'm with Gerard, and usually the male restrooms have less stalls and they usually aren't kept up that nice.

[urmilaaa2008]

Sorry the small town decided to abuse vague statutes to bother you. Maine has just joined a small group of states that protect your right to use the "appropriate" bathroom.
http://www.bangordailynews.com/detail/106487.html

Now the title "Vacationland" makes even more sense for us.

I read that sally along with the comments. I am amazed even ina country where people r supposed to liberal than in the old world like ours,that the majority people have made such comments.

[skirtsuit]

I don't mean to be rude, but if you're a guy, why not use the mens room?

Remember that there are significant differences between men and women. We dicuss the unfairness of women crossdressing all the time, but rarely discuss the advantages of being male.

Do you think men really care if a women uses the mens room? no, most would probably like it.

I'm not saying you deserved what happened, but if a member of the hotel staff called the cops (probable), you must not be all that passable, so why were you tempting fate? Remember that the hotel staff are concerned about the guests' safety and the appearance of such. Having men in the ladies room won't help all that much, get it?

All the Best,
SS / Ann

[dawnmarrie1961]

Sandy, I'm not going to make my usual speech on the virtues of using to correct bathroom for your gender because that often falls on deaf ears. And gets me in trouble with the rest of the people here.

I'm just glad you're OK.

Don't be upset with the officers. They were only doing their job. When the get a call about suspicious behavior they have to investigate it.

Learn what lesson you want from the experience and move on.

Be safe. Be smart.

Dawn Marrie

[Mandyflcd]

Another idea is to ask the hotel staff if they could watch the door while youre in there to prevent others from coming in. I think it shouldn't matter myself so long as the person means no harm to others.

[Hope]

Whoa. Good to hear nothing came of it, but I think they were wrong in the first place.

I can understand the police checking you out and having a chat, if they get a complaint, but that should have been all.

I still don't really get why we have separate male and female restrooms in places where they have stalls with lockable doors. I wish that they would just get rid of the whole concept in most places.

Amen sister.

[TxKimberly]

Your post gives me conflicting feelings. I use the ladies room only when very desperate and when no gender neutral facilities are available. Suffice it to say that while I try to avoid doing it when possible, I HAVE done it, and it scares the hell outta me each time.

The thing that strikes me about your post though, is that you took a chance that you didn't need to. Sometimes need, want, or desperation forces us to take chances or risks. That's life. The thing is, you were in your own hotel, and could easily have gone to your own private room and used the bathroom while risking nothing. Instead, you made the conscious choice to take the chance of using the public ladies room. Don't get me wrong, I promise I am NOT slamming you or flaming you, I simply find that choice to be interesting and worth commenting on. As for myself, if I'm with in a few miles of my hotel when the need strikes me, I will often return to my hotel specifically to use my own bathroom, rather than risk using the public ladies room.

[SandyR]

Sound advice and I do appreciate it!

The bottom line is "it is what it is" I know I learn from past actions and move on. At the time it seemed like no big deal, but turned out otherwise.

Life goes on......and that's a good thing!

PS - next time I'll wait until I get to my room. On vacation until 8/31

Sandy

[DanaR]

There are many areas that just aren't transgender friendly. Be familiar with your surroundings. Someone mentioned asking the hotel staff to watch for you, while you were using the restroom; that might be a good idea. I've attended TG conventions in different cities, usually the hotel that the event is hosted at will tell us which restrooms we can use. It might be a good idea to ask the hotel this question; especially if you have to go and can't get to your room.

[Elsa Larson]

I'd share my experience with local and statewide LGBT political organizations. They can quickly get the word out to thousands of individuals who would belong to scores of organizations that might use your experience when they decide where to hold business functions.

Unless the hotel was completely independent, its owners probably own other hotels. If there is a franchise involved, there are other franchisees in the state.

A bit of bad buzz might hit them in the wallet.

All gender-variant individuals need to be very careful of what we do in public restrooms. If questioned about what why you were in there, explain that you were there to urinate or defecate, wash your hands hands and check your appearance. Follow the explanation with a question: "And what do YOU do in the restroom?" You might add a comment about Senator Larry Craig.

[Lisa Gordon]

Seems to me that New Mexico is one of the few states that allow the use of restroom facilities based on the gender one is expressing.

Lisa

[kimmy p]

The ladies room!

In June I spent what should have been 2 nights of fun/work and Sandy time in a wonderful mountain village. Did not work out.

Here is the setting I get to the hotel check in around 3:30 use one of the carts to drag my one lil boy bag and 3 GIANT size ones for Sandy to the room. All the looks I got should have been my 1st NO GO Sandy......But I pushed through it and proceeded to get all cleaned up and ready for my fun night.

After spending about an hour getting ready and a new skirt/top no hose and these real cute orange sandals off I was for a quick drive with the top down all seemed well put some gas in the car got a big cup of coffee (my big mistake) drove by the lake looked around really nice night. Head back to the room coffee kicked in and I made a quick pit stop in the lobby floor ladies room. No biggy (no one in there but me and I rushed) I thought, back to the
room. Chatting with the Wife and Knock on the door blank bank police dept....Oh geeze....open the door and seems someone saw me going in complianed......

Slaped with a "disorderly conduct".........

Well long story short today it got dismissed today, but only afer going through a eval to be sure I was no threat to myself or others.

Glad it's over.

Just be careful out there Girls...

Hugs!

Sandy

I know that when you take a chance with the men's room you risk life and limb, but I still don't blame women for not wanting us in the ladies room no matter how we are dressed. Sorry if I ruffle feathers.

[Jennifer_Ph]

Your post gives me conflicting feelings. I use the ladies room only when very desperate and when no gender neutral facilities are available. Suffice it to say that while I try to avoid doing it when possible, I HAVE done it, and it scares the hell outta me each time.

The thing that strikes me about your post though, is that you took a chance that you didn't need to. Sometimes need, want, or desperation forces us to take chances or risks. That's life. The thing is, you were in your own hotel, and could easily have gone to your own private room and used the bathroom while risking nothing. Instead, you made the conscious choice to take the chance of using the public ladies room. Don't get me wrong, I promise I am NOT slamming you or flaming you, I simply find that choice to be interesting and worth commenting on. As for myself, if I'm with in a few miles of my hotel when the need strikes me, I will often return to my hotel specifically to use my own bathroom, rather than risk using the public ladies room.

Best advice in the whole thread. :cheer:

[kellycan27]

Best advice in the whole thread. :cheer:

I agree... With your room being so close it seems like you may have been pushing the envelope a tad. Glad nothing bad came of your experience.
Kelly

[sherri52]

Glad you walked away in good standing. Could have been worse

[Sammy777]

It's a shame it happen to you and all the BS you had to go through because of it.

But, like others have said: Was your room really that far away?
I am not saying always run and hide, but when you have a choice of a private or public place to go why choose the public?


Seems to me that New Mexico is one of the few states that allow the use of restroom facilities based on the gender one is expressing. Lisa

New Jersey is another state that has laws allowing the same thing.

But - two notes of caution:
1) Just because you can I would still suggest you get in and out as quickly as possible, don't linger about.

2) Just because it is a law [In these states] and you can do it does not mean every busybody with a stick up their ass and an ax to grind still can't cause you grief and bullshit. And In those cases - See rule #1.

[Lorileah]

New Mexico and Colorado both have anti-discrimination laws that protect transgender people. If it was either of those states, the officer was out of line. New Mexico was one of the first states to protect transgenders and the university has instituted unisex restrooms, Colorado came on board two years ago.

[Miranda09]

I agree with what Kimberly says. I'd rather take the extra time and trouble to go back to my hotel room to use the bathroon, rather than risk ruffling someone's feathers using a public restroom. Everything came out OK I see, however, please be careful in the future. Don't want anything bad to happen to you. Safe travels. :)

[AllieSF]

To use or not to use, that is the question. Whether you were in the same hotel as your room or not, is not really the point. You decided to use the restroom of your choice probably based on your past experiences and the moment's need as expalined in your first post. As a lot here have said, you never know when you may bump into an idiot, etc. who has to make their point. Regarding the comments about the cops "just doing their job", they could have just as easily explained to you about the local feelings and laws about men dressed as women using the ladies room and give you an unofficial warning. If it was a small town, so what, that does not give them license to be a**holes to anyone for any reason. They need to show good common sense and professionalism.

Someone mentioned above the posted experience of a personal friend of mine who was threatened by the husband after the wife made false claims about her using the women's room in the town right next to the University of California campus in Berkeley. The police sided with my friend and the situation died once the husband and his wife were informed clearly and professionally about the state laws here in California. Another friend of mine was taken in after using the womens restroom in a small casino away from Las Vegas. It shook the hell out of her, but all charges were dropped. Another case of someone trying to make a case out of nothing, maybe as she thinks, someone having a grudge against her (she had frequented that casino several times in the past).

Yes, we as CDers and Tgirls take the chance whenever we walk into a ladies room. However, we also take a chance whenever we walk into a male restroom as a male in the wrong part of town. S**t happens anywhere, so I do not see any increased risk for us using the restroom of the gender that we are presenting, as long as we are not breaking any laws. Therefore, know the laws where you are at, and when in doubt ask the people in charge, hotel staff, restaurant employees, etc. which one to use and then follow their directions.

[baby beluga]

What a bizarre situation. As a former hotel employee I probably would have done nothing in this situation, assuming there isn't anything else in the story that we don't know about.



Another idea is to ask the hotel staff if they could watch the door while youre in there to prevent others from coming in.

The hotel staff has a lot more important things to be doing than manning the potty time for crossdressers watch.

[carhill2mn]

It must have been a really "small mountain village" to evoke such a reaction.

[fandfg]

Well, this will probably get me yelled at, but here goes...

I believe that a Women's restroom is for a woman and a Men's restroom is for a man, regardless of the outward pretense being displayed. Now, I don't think it was right to arrest you, that does sound hickish.

But, a man, no matter how dress, should use the Men's room. I have a 6-year-old I let go alone into the Women's restroom, I wouldn't want her in there alone with a man, whether he's in a dress or not! Try putting yourself in there shoes (no pun intended).

[bumblebee]

Well, this will probably get me yelled at, but here goes...

I believe that a Women's restroom is for a woman and a Men's restroom is for a man, regardless of the outward pretense being displayed. Now, I don't think it was right to arrest you, that does sound hickish.

But, a man, no matter how dress, should use the Men's room. I have a 6-year-old I let go alone into the Women's restroom, I wouldn't want her in there alone with a man, whether he's in a dress or not! Try putting yourself in there shoes (no pun intended).

Because everyone with a penis is going to molest your precious little cupcake right? Give me a break. Women kidnap children all the time. But your out and out sexism prevents you from seeing that I see. I hope your daughter is safe around women who you wrongfully think are all amazing great people!

Women bring little boys into the girls bathroom all the time. Men bring their daughters into the mens restroom. Watch your child, don't just assume based on your own narrow sexism. That is what puts children in danger, not someone using the bathroom that reflects their gender.

[fandfg]

For those nice, friendly words of encouragement. I can feel the love oozing out of your post. I certainly hope your attitude is not representative of this entire board; and I'm wondering, are we all not permitted to freely express ourselves (as you just did)?

Hopefully you don't have little children because you obviously don't know a few things about them, like that 6-year-old's are too old to go into the opposite sex's restroom, and that men are hundred-fold more likely to molest children than women.

BTW, I've been CD'ing for 40 years and I've NEVER went into a woman's restroom; so it is possible to into the men's room in a dress.

[kimmy p]

Well, this will probably get me yelled at, but here goes...

I believe that a Women's restroom is for a woman and a Men's restroom is for a man, regardless of the outward pretense being displayed. Now, I don't think it was right to arrest you, that does sound hickish.

But, a man, no matter how dress, should use the Men's room. I have a 6-year-old I let go alone into the Women's restroom, I wouldn't want her in there alone with a man, whether he's in a dress or not! Try putting yourself in there shoes (no pun intended).

Agreed.+1

[cd_jamie]

:2c:I remember when you posted about this trip. glad the charges are dismissed. its a shame you had to go thru the legal trouble to start with

[Joselle3]

I don't mean to be rude, but if you're a guy, why not use the mens room?

Remember that there are significant differences between men and women. We dicuss the unfairness of women crossdressing all the time, but rarely discuss the advantages of being male.

Do you think men really care if a women uses the mens room? no, most would probably like it.

I'm not saying you deserved what happened, but if a member of the hotel staff called the cops (probable), you must not be all that passable, so why were you tempting fate? Remember that the hotel staff are concerned about the guests' safety and the appearance of such. Having men in the ladies room won't help all that much, get it?

All the Best,
SS / Ann

If you are presenting yourself as female use the woman's restroom
Thats simple enough

[kimmy p]

If you are presenting yourself as female use the woman's restroom
Thats simple enough

GG's don't want you in there. And as mentioned you can get arrested. It's THAT simple. Use a unisex restroom. Not trying to be rude, but they really don't want people with our plumbing in the ladies room.