To those who go out regularly...

[Karen Born]

I've been struggling with this decision for some time now, but as I'm getting close to retirement and with the kids starting to leave me and my wife 'empty nesters', I keep yearning for the time when I can go out as my femme self, whether shopping, to the gas bar to fill up the car, wherever. The problem is how to I manage to go into the real world as Karen without sneaking around the neighbors. They tend to be the snooping kind, glancing over the privacy fence into my backyard.

I would like to be more myself and not embarrass my understanding wife by 'outing' myself in the neighborhood and leaving her to answer questions the neighbors don't have the guts to ask me.

Any thoughts, or personal experiences you could share to help me in my decision making?

Karen.

My mind is like lightening....one brilliant flash and its GONE!

[tricia_uktv]

Don't do it at home. Go away, find a hotel or a place where you can change. It is not fair on others if you do it on your own doorstep unless you are going to go the whole way.

[AllieSF]

Assuming that your wife knows that you dress, I would discuss it with her and she what she has to say. Keeping the peace at home and in your neighbor can be a good thing based on your specific circumstances. You can always partially dress at home and finish up on the road whenever you want and still keep the peace at home and keep the neighborhood in the dark.

I do that all the time depending on the time of day that I will be leaving the house. I dress completely and then over-dress that with baggy pants and shirt. I normally already have my forms in, make-up basically done, except for lipstick, with or without jewelry. Then I drive ot a nearby parking lot (hiking trail parking, mall parking, etc.) and put on the wig, remove the male clothes, which are now available for changing into for roadside emergencies (flat tires, breakdowns), put on lipstick and jewelry and my big smile and I am ready to face the world (far from home of course). Since I normally return in the dark, it just depends if my son is home or not. I may drive right into the garage and then close the automatic door and walk in the house dressed, or just reverse the dressing process at a nearby parking lot and head home with no worries. Just remember to pick a safe parking area and have a good story ready if stopped by any security service patrolling the area.

[Mandyflcd]

AllieSF said it best. That was pretty much exactly what I was going to say.

I am fortunate to have a garage and a car with dark tint so I'm able to dress all the way and leave without the neighbors noticing. Not that I really care if they do... we don't talk to any of them and everyone minds their own business.

[Persephone]

Perhaps the "safest," most relaxed way, especially once you enter retirement, is to travel.

If you wish to start out in a "supportive environment," there are CD weekends and events all over the place.

Or you can simply go off to enjoy whatever travel experiences you prefer, from camping in a tent to being pampered at a spa. An RV makes a great way to travel, see new places, and to have a convenient "home away from home" in which to change as you wish.

Me? I'm a bit of a crazy old coot. I seem to "pass" well, my immediate family, my wife and my son, along with a few friends, know that I crossdress, so I tend to take any number of bold and fairly stupid chances.

My latest crazyness is to go running/walking every morning en femme in my own neighborhood. Yes, I do doubt my own sanity.

[jenna_woods]

You are luckey your wife knows and is ok with it, that's a big stept there, All I started as soon as I retired to but never cared if nabiors knew, I just dress and leave the house, but that's me, before that I used to go to a hotel and dress and go out from there. Hope this helps.

[Leslie Langford]

...to get around the prying eyes if you are creative in the way some of the other posters here have already indicated.

One thing is certain, though - once you've gotten over the initial terror, realize that there is no imaginary neon sign over your head flashing "CROSSDRESSER, CROSSDRESSER", and that most folks won't even give you a second look as long as you are reasonably "passable", there will be no turning back.

Once the genie is out of the bottle, s/he will never willingly go back in.

We had a "house" cat years ago that accidentally got outdoors one day. After that, there was no way we could keep her inside the house - the constant meowing just drove us crazy. I often think of her when I compare how my need to get out and about en femme has has taken such an unstoppable hold over me.

[mklinden2010]

>>The problem is how to I manage to go into the real world as Karen without sneaking around the neighbors. They tend to be the snooping kind, glancing over the privacy fence into my backyard.

So, don't sneak around.

Talk it over with your wife and lay out the choices. Since they are snoops, the best thing you can do is put it in their face - usually by way of conversation - that way it can't blow up on either of you when the snoops find out on their own.

She, thank goodness, can be the "normal" one and can just shrug and say, "Middle-aged-crazy! But, he's a good man - most of the time..."

>>I would like to be more myself and not embarrass my understanding wife by 'outing' myself in the neighborhood and leaving her to answer questions the neighbors don't have the guts to ask me.

After what I suggested, above, have her tell you about any subsequent feedback and then go talk to the person or persons who approached her: "You have a question, ask me. I don't know much, but in this matter I might know more about this than she does. Leave her be and come to me."

>>Any thoughts, or personal experiences you could share to help me in my decision making?


Most people don't care so long as it's not their issue to deal with personally and even if they do most of those only need an easy, harmless way to put a handle on it, "Well, you know Bill... Always one to mow his yard against the grain."

Give them an easy, harmless way to talk about this, "Oh, he's just eccentric..." and most will. Or, just put it in clinical terms and let them go Google it.

I once saw a closet CD walk up in front of a room of Exxon engineers and announce, "Fellas, I have a medical condition called gender dysphoria... So, here's what I'm going to do about it."

Before they had time to think about what gender dysphoria was, he had them thinking about the type of beard removal he'd chosen and what he was going to look like next week with, er, "tits."

Talk about out!

(His feeling, by the way, was that it was easier to tell them something clinical about his CDing than to try to explain "just" CDing. He wasn't TG, but he was smart enough to know he was better off saying he was TG than have them try and talk him out of what he was doing. Odd thing was a lot of the engineers said, "Well, too bad you're not just a crossdresser; being TG is a lot harder." Word gets around....)

His wife was fine with him being who he was and he wasn't going home with ANY of his co-workers, so, in the end, nobody cared what he did so long as he didn't park in their assigned space, or, take the last of their coffee without making a new pot...

And, remember when it comes to the neighbors... Consider how useful your situation is to all of them:

"Honey, I just want a boat. It's not like I'm telling you I want to wear a dress..."

"Well, I'd rather you spent money on a new dress than a damn boat!"

[Ronah]

I am in the closet still, not even the SO is aware so when I wish to travel en femme I have a difficulty in leaving the house. My method is to dress in the bathroom and put on hosiery, bra and panties and then complete as Bob. In my car I seek the nearest male toilet and change into female trousers and top and cover with a male jacket. Next stop, a layby or secluded spot where I can change shoes, fit in breast forms, make up and add wig and earrings - now I am en femme. If I wish to wear a skirt, at the next ladies toilet I can change the slacks for a skirt. This is only worthwhile if I am to travel away for a few days. After the transformation I have had no difficulties whatsoever and have thoroughly enjoyed my days as Ronah.

[sandra-leigh]

If I've matched names up properly, you're from near Toronto. Up here in Winnipeg, we always welcome visitors (though if it happens to be close to xmas day, people are likely to be pretty busy.) For example, you could fly up to visit us right around Halloween... sure to be various events going on then.

[MichelleP]

Hi Karen,

As stated above, perhaps the easiest thing for you is to travel to a nearby place like a hotel and away from prying neighbors. For those who are venturing out for the first time, a hotel/motel is a good option. You can take as long as you want to dress, take a short walk to the ice machine or whatever. You can go out to your car and go for a drive etc.

Good Luck!

Michelle

[SweetCaroline]

Find out if there are ant CD clubs or support groups in your area, or maybe a transformation service. That's what helped before I came out. Where I'm from, in the Boston area, there are a couple that offer changing rooms or at least help in finding a place to change. And as an added bonus, you get to meet and mingle with other CD people.

Good luck. :thumbsup: