told my GF

[Sara82]

First time poster here, recent lurker :)

Anyhow In the beginning of our relationship, i revealed that I had a CDing fetish, and tried to dress up in her lingerie when we had sex, and she let me once, but then I kept asking almost everytime, and it got out of hand. So I tried suppressing it for a few years, then after some time we broke up for about 6 months, got back together during last christmas. Recently my CDing has been coming back full force, not just lingerie, but I want to do makeup, full dressup,shoes,jewelry wig etc. In the last few weeks, I started slowing revealing this stuff again, as I think she was a bit in denial about it from the past.

The good news is, I shaved all my body hair, and she freaked out at first but now kind of likes it. She also let me try on a bunch of her dresses and panties, and she even did my makeup, and took pictures of me. I loved every second of it.

She said she was trying to be open and patient with me, and I told her I love her very much. She also asked me the usually like "are you gay?", "do you want to live as a woman?, and do this everyday?" Well im not gay, but Im not sure how often I want to dress up, lately Its been on my mind consistently, and I think its because of her gradual acceptance of it, I want to do it even more, and now its constantly on my mind.

How do you guys think I should proceed, I really want to go shopping with her and start building a wardrobe that she is aware of, along with all the other accessories, but I dont want to push to hard.

Also do I sound like I may be transgendered?these last few weeks have been filled with anxiety, depression, and confusion, and excitement, been crazy!

Thanks so much for reading!

sarah.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Wow, Sarah, good for you and good for your girlfriend. It's wonderful to have someone we love be accepting of us. The only things I might say are, for one, go slow, listen to her and not just what she verbalizes. Don't push it faster than she's willing to go, I think after years of suppressing it that we girls just want to dive in with both feet and the hell with everyone else. Try and take it easy.

Prove to her that you're still her man. And also show that you don't need the CD thing to be intimate, otherwise it seems like a fetish thing, something you need before you can have sex so that it becomes about the clothes and not about her.

As in anything else, of course, include her and be sure to answer any questions and concerns she has. And not to alarm you, but there is the possiblity that in the long run she may not be accepting after all, she may feel that she tried but can't deal with it and your relationship may end. Hopefully not, but it could, just being realistic.

I wish you both the best of luck and I'm sure other girls here will be able to give you better advice than I can.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Mandyflcd]

First off, do not push too hard. I know how exciting it can be especially when your SO starts accepting it. You can take a hundred steps forward but if you push to hard you'll end up back at the beginning again. Do everything you can to stay reserved and take small steps so that you do not overwhelm her. Also make sure you are paying attention to the things she wants to do and her needs. When you get excited about something it is easy to overlook other peoples feelings and needs.

Only you can determine if you are transgender and that takes awhile. A few weeks is WAY too short a time. Some people are born knowing their body is the wrong gender. Others figure it out over a longer period of time. Again, don't push too hard to put a label on yourself as if you do you'll probably pick the wrong one. Take it slow and let your feelings come to the surface so you can figure it out properly.

[TGMarla]

Hi there, Sarah. I'm glad she's being open to all this. Sure makes life easier. Just don't ram it down her throat and make her sick of it. And just because you may be transgendered doesn't mean you're going to run off to Trinidad and get a sex-change. So don't freak out, and don't let her think things might happen that aren't necessarily going to happen. Just have fun with it.

["Mary"]

Welcome.

Lucky you.

Good Advice here. Be thankful she is so open/ tollerant / supportive, don't push too hard, too often.

Best wishes.

[Sandra]

From a GGs point of view

Take it slow with her, talk to her about her how she really feels and what her concerns are, just remember just because she seems to be coming round to the idea doesn't mean you have the green light to go head on and do everything all at once.

If she wants to set some boundarries then again talk about them, and try to agree and then stick to them, and after a while review them to see if you are both willing to maybe expand them a little more.

As for the shopping ask her if she will help you but again don't keep pushing it.


You could tell her about this site and that we have a forum here just for GGs, where she'll get a lot of support and advice from other partners

[Holly]

Sarah, the key to the whole thing is communication. And always keep in mind that communicating is just as much about listening as it is about talking. Don't hide what you are feeling but share with your partner what is going on inside of you. Just as you crave understanding and compassion from her, she needs reassurance that your love for her remains unchanged. Resist the temptation to run forward at full speed and be willing to make compromises that are not at odds with your core beliefs.

As for the question as if you are transgender or not, that is something you will need to determine for yourself... no one can do that for you. Pay attention to your heart as it will reveal much about yourself if you listen. Then test what you learn with those who are close to you and who's insights you trust. Best wishes to you and your girlfriend.

[Sara82]

thanks for all the advice guys, i really appreciate it. I guess ill just go slow with it, maybe take a few days off from dressing, to play it safe. Ill let you know how things go!!

hugs!

[Sheila]

Sarah, hi and welcome, like others have said take things slowly, the relationship you have is about both of you ............. she may need time to assimulate all the information she now has and as Sandra has said we have a great GG only section of the Forum FAB, where she can come and chat to us GG's :)

[sherri52]

take it slow, don't give her everything at once. If you love her ease her into it. Only you can tell yourself if you ard tg

[rhyannon]

Hey there, this is also my first post on here.

I suppose you're quite lucky that your gf seems to accept it. I, on the other hand, am not so lucky. I recently told my gf about it (having already come out as bi) but she hates it when I say anything about it now. I'm not sure whether I want to be a girl or if I just like the chlothes but I don't want to even try to talk to her about it incase it ruins our relationship.

[azcdinhose]

You're doing great, we should probably take lessons from you! Just like all of the other girls said, take it slow, keep reassuring her that you love her, and most importantly be truthful to not only her, but to yourself.

[LisaM]

Sarah,

I agree with everyone else here---take it slowly.

But I would also add that maybe you should think about finding a therapst (who is familiar with transgender issues) who you can begin to discuss your gender issues. They may be able to help you sort out your feelings.

[Sara82]

I want to thank this forum too, after reading how many of you went about coming clean to your wifes and SO's, it definately helped me in my approach.

I'm still not 100% comfortable, but I guess it will be a pretty long process. If in the end she can't support it, then I think I'm ready to manage with that. The wierd part of it all is that, we don't live together, and work almost opposite schedules, so I have plenty of time to dress up all I want. But it bothered me so much that I couldn't tell her, the one person that I completely love. That power of acceptance is such a strong thing.

[Sandra]

There is one other thing, not only must you listen to her and how she feels but she must do the same with you.

Listen to her then ask her to listen to what you have to say about how you feel just don't brush her feelings aside.

[Sara82]

Listen to her then ask her to listen to what you have to say about how you feel just don't brush her feelings aside.

Yeah Sandra, I have been totally receptive to what she says both verbally, and non-verbally.

She just stopped by and we had a pretty deep talk. I told her how I've been feeling so many insane emotions this last couple weeks, and asked her thoughts about me getting counseling, if things don't settle. She was very reassuring, and said "As long as you aren't hurting yourself, or others, then its fine". Then I told her I was also afraid of loosing her over this whole ordeal. And she said "as long as it doesn't get out of control".

So I think we are making some progress, slow but surely. Right now my stomach is in knots, because I just want to go do everything as a girl, so frustrating!!

[Sandra]

Sounds like if you continue like this then you'll work things out between the two of you.

Frustrating yes but better to take it slow than go to quick and upet things altogether.

[nicky22]

Hi...I'm a GG newly trying to figure this all out. The thing that helped me so much was the extent that my BF has been willing to talk to me...non defensively...about his CDing and everything and what it means and his feelings and fears concerns and his reassuring me. So I agree...talk talk talk...reassure her...talk some more and reassure her again....ask her how she feels. Getting her to verbalize her feelings helps..well, it helped me. it's a lot to process...good luck!

[Sandra]

willing to talk to me...non defensively...

THis is another good point, it's no good getting defensive with each other, hard at times I know, but if it starts going in this direction then call a time out, and try again later.

[Sara82]

Hi...I'm a GG newly trying to figure this all out. The thing that helped me so much was the extent that my BF has been willing to talk to me...non defensively...about his CDing and everything and what it means and his feelings and fears concerns and his reassuring me. So I agree...talk talk talk...reassure her...talk some more and reassure her again....ask her how she feels. Getting her to verbalize her feelings helps..well, it helped me. it's a lot to process...good luck!

Nikki, thank you so much, that is very reassuring for me. We have been talking a lot, and 90% of it has been positive, but today she was really upset, because I think she is just very afraid of loosing the man in me.

I feel like the flood gates have opened, and I want to go nuts, and purchase all my makeup, shoes, outfits, get waxed, and everything. But I feel like I should pace myself for my GF's own sake.

How have others dealt with this tremendous urge to just do everything really fast, while your GF or SO, is still trying to process.? Should I just go out and shop without telling her, or wait until she is ready to go with me or at least give me permission. (I feel like I shouldn't need permission, but I guess her approval would make me much happier about it).... So frustrating :(

[Sandra]

Should I just go out and shop without telling her, or wait until she is ready to go with me or at least give me permission. (I feel like I shouldn't need permission, but I guess her approval would make me much happier about it).... So frustrating :(


You're right you shouldn't need her permission, approval would be alot better, but how do you think she would feel if you went out and shopped without telling her? I would imagine that she'd probably be very hurt and angry.

Why don't you ask her about it? she might just surprise you and suggest that you both go shopping, just please don't do it behind her back, it will only cause more problems later on.

[mklinden2010]

>>How have others dealt with this tremendous urge to just do everything really fast, while your GF or SO, is still trying to process.? Should I just go out and shop without telling her, or wait until she is ready to go with me or at least give me permission. (I feel like I shouldn't need permission, but I guess her approval would make me much happier about it).... So frustrating


It's like trying to have your cake and eat it too - hard to do both.

And, it's like most things, seems like getting anything done usually takes three, four, or, ten times longer than you think it should.

Reading earlier, I got the notion that she's told you that things will be fine so long as it "doesn't get out of control."

Define: control.

It could be "grrrr, grind, and gnash..."

But, here's the thing I've learned: I brought it up; it's my issue; it's my responsibility to manage this aspect of my life. I take the view that it's part of life, not the whole thing... But, that you ignore it at your own loss. Meaning, it's better to act than it is to suffer... Just get on with it, but perhaps in smaller bits.

Case in point.. Make-up, etc. Just go get some basic inexpensive stuff at the local pharmacy, Walmart, or, whatever, and get started on some idea that you have. An experiment... You can't get in much trouble, from any direction, from being prudent and frugal. It won't cost a lot, she'll probably wind up having to save you from your, "beginner's choices," and by doing something harmless, yet purposeful, you provide something external for both of you to have a dialog about.

She's just gotten a new sister, in a way, and you are going to be a problem for a while. You're excited about all the new stuff; she's all of a sudden having to bring you along at a reasonable pace - and she's had all her life, and her friends, etc., to learn all this and she knows what it takes to do what needs to be done. You're just going to have to trust that this will take a while and it's best done at a wise pace. You're probably not as ready for the big shoes as you might think...

Learn the basics, learn what you can put up with (timewise and expensewise), and learn how this will fit in with the rest of your life. If you'll stick with inexpensive, easy, basic and necessary stuff, you'll have an easier time of it, and so will she, than if you slap some movie star's picture on the mirror and shout, "I wanna look like her!" If you GF can manage it, she'll say what lots of gals say, "You and everybody else on the planet!"

Big jobs are best handled in small steps.

You know that - go with what you know. But, go.

[softluvrboy]

Dear Julia;

What all the girls have said about taking it slow is so correct. When my girlfriend, now wife, first found out she threw all my clothes out. Luckily I did not have much then. After gradual persistence she became open with the idea. I would dress a little here and there and she became more and more used to and accepting of my dressing. Now after two years since she first found out we go shopping togther...me in drab but she has been wonderful. I am trying to work on the wig now:) taking it slow has been the best because I always know how she really feels

[nicky22]

I think she is just very afraid of loosing the man in me. :(

Julia...this is exactly how I'm feeling today. My BF has shaved his entire body. Which is fine and he did run it by me first but...it's not the body I know. And it's a shock and in a bit of time I'll have my head around that. I don't want to lose my BF. Please give her time to process things one step at a time. This helped me...last night he was totally in guy mode, as much as I knew he wanted to dress desperately because new stuff had arrived..and I appreciate that and needed that mentally. I needed a break from all of this and needed the man i fell in love with to be fully there. And I'm sure she needs that too. Baby steps...



Should I just go out and shop without telling her, or wait until she is ready to go with me or at least give me permission:(

Of course you don't need permission to do anything, but....if you value your relationship and respect your girlfriend and in order for her to trust you and accept all of this please don't hide anything from her. Or overwhelm her. Start by bringing home a lipstick instead of the whole make-up array at once...maybe a skirt and not an entire outfit. We did go shopping together...another big step to process and it did help me because he didn't go nuts. We came home with one dress and a pair of heels and I could handle that. Major shopping spree right out of the gate would have been too crazy. And buy her something too...she needs to know that you still value her femininity.

I can see that my Bf is right where you are and wants to go all out. I'm sure it's very hard for you but it's a whole new reality for her and it can be very confusing and quite scary. This helped me too...we've talked alot not only about my fears, but his fears as well. I think it will help to let her know that you have worries and vulnerabilities too and that you are willing to make this about the both of you so maybe she doesn't feel shut out.

Phew...Good luck.....Nicky

[Shelly67]

This is my pennies worth , its up to you how to handle things ... but here goes ..

It seems a very delicate situation for both of you , but , in my mind the only way foward is to be open .After all its very new to you both . I bet she also thinks , perhaps is even concerned with the situation and is pondering in what direction things may be going . Ask her can you sit down for a heart to heart chat . Be totally upfront ,tell her of your concerns but only wish to be honest and share this often misunderstood part of our lives and personality . I,d be very sensative to the situation if she,ll sit down with you . Keep a very open mind , be ready to listen as well as talk , and more than anything be ready to back off sharpish if the situation becomes tense . At least you,ll both realise you want to entrust and share an openess rather than hide it all away which later always emerges in questions and can be regarded as decietfulness .
Good luck

[Sara82]

hey guys, I really really appreciate all the comments you've been leaving, the good news is we had another really long talk late last night, some tears were shed and some real feelings were shared, I think we are getting somewhere slowly. Im not going to rush out and buy everything I want, nor am I going to ask her to push going shopping with just yet either.

Anyhow the night ended and I asked her if I could wear her chemise and panties to bed, she said sure, we cuddled together, and woke up stilled dressed and had breakfast, watched a little TV, cuddled some more on the couch and everything was great. I felt so girly and feminine and was at total peace. I'm almost feel reborn a new complete person :)