The conflict with dressing

[Satin_Lover_13]

I like to be in soft, satin lingerie and dresses. Sometimes on hard days I would go to sleep wearing something only to find myself in guy stuff when I wake up. (I sleep walk). I know my dressing replaces a woman I do not have at the moment. Has this happened to anybody else? I do want a woman and would give up dressing to have one.

Sorry if this is the wrong forum. Not sure where to put it.

[harmony]

same here(not the sleepwalking though).having been a bachelor for 25 years i long for the softness and roundness of a female partner.and yet,when i look around and see whats available i prefer to be by myself.am i a snob?may be.but to throw away my integrity for someone who may accept my dressing is not an option.a soulsister may do the trick may be sometime in the future but i am not holding my breath in the meantime.beeing curvy and soft at times myself will have to do the trick.

[Nicole Brown]

I am not sure that I totally agree with what either of you are saying. I believe that being with a woman and CDing are 2 totally separate and individual things. I have been married to a wonderful lady for over 40 years and have been CDing for longer than that.

We find a woman, wine and diner her, fall in love with her, and maybe marry her because of who she is and what she means to us. In other words, we love this person.

IMHO, CDing is a totally internal part of ourselves. It is a part of us which helps identify who we are. My wife knows of my dressing but chooses not to be involved with it and in fact disapproves of it. While this is not the attitude I would prefer, I understand her feeling and support her.

As I have said, I do not associate one as a substitute for the other or a replacement for the other. I have heard too many stories of CDer who thought that they could easily give it up, only to discover that the urge to dress returns. This is a topic which has been discussed with my therapist who is assisting me in my quest to determine how and where Nicole will go in the future. He is in agreement with my thoughts on this subject and has stated studies which support these ideas.

Nicole

[Emma England]

I agree with Nicole.

Even if you do find a woman to be with, the desire to cd will always be there.

[Satin_Lover_13]

My CD'ing is not to be femme but to be the closest to a female (Which I have none). I think at night my mind is saying (No, this is not what you want and desire so I take it off).

[sherri52]

Nicole hits it on the head. I am divorced twice and would like another woman, but everytime I say I will stop cd'ing it doesn't. The most beautiful woman in the world has only one problem with me. Which piece of her clothing am I wearing now.

[HunkyDory]

Satin Lover,

I felt the same way in my beginning years of dressing. I didn't have a girlfriend throughout HS and starting into college. Same as you I thought dressing was a viable alternate to be the woman for myself though I really wanted to be in a relationship with a woman.

Now I am married and I still dress on occasion so my need for my femme side to come out has changed over these years. I too thought I could give it up once I was with my SO but alas I still have that urge. I believe it will always be part of my life now, just need to understand it better and accept it. Don't be surprised with yourself that you still dress even after you are in a loving, stable relationship with a woman.

GL

HD

[Mandyflcd]

I think it is different for everyone. For me, I am married and around my wife every night and during the weekends. I cannot get enough of her. But I still cross-dress and haven't found any correlation between the amount of sex with my wife and the amount that I dress.

[Michelle S]

I know my dressing replaces a woman I do not have at the moment.

Why are you having a hard time finding a girlfriend? That may be a bigger issue than cross dressing per se. How long has it been since your last major relationship?

[meri]

Just read "Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle, I recommend the book to all of you, will help you find some peace.

In any case, he notes (and this is somewhat spiritual, sorry if you are offended), that as men we are 1/2 of our total self and we will always long for the other 1/2 of our self, that is, our feminine side. We can get closer to the feminine by finding a gal and being close to her. Some of us, prefer to "incarnate" that feminine side within ourselves. Nothing could be closer or more intimate, could it?

Ultimately, the goal, according to Tolle, is to find and embrace both your masculine and feminine side. Seems to me, we collectively have a leg up on that goal, eh?

[Maia Saturn]

Has this happened to anybody else? I do want a woman and would give up dressing to have one.

I think maybe all of us want a girl at home all of the time and we probably all love women so much we try to emulate what and who they are. Our femme side might be a replacement for a daughter to dress up, a wife to love and caress, or a girlfriend to nurture and care for. In all of those, I think we would love to go shopping with them at DSW. :D

[TGMarla]

If I were a betting woman, I'd put my money down on you still crossdressing even after you found a woman. You'd put it down for a while, wine her, dine her, and then raid her closet after a while.

[emmlouise]

I doubt very much that you would give up crossdressing. You are not the first and you won't be the last to think that the urge will go. I thought that would be the case as do every other cd/tv I have spoken to. Any competent psychiatrist with knowledge of TG will tell you the same. For want of a better expression, there is no "cure". I came to terms with myself about 2 years ago, which is about 50 years after I started crossdressing. Please don't put yourself through the stress and self-hate that I went through. It is destructive and pointless. I look back at a wasted life, but can look now at so many happy young crossdressers who have the courage I lacked. And whatever you do be very cautious about entering a long term relationship with such a secret.

[docrobbysherry]

They're BOTH fruit, yes! But---------------------:brolleyes:

Looking like, and feeling like u r a woman is one thing. And that may be a turn on!:)

But, BEING with a woman, and dealing with her affection, caring, her needs, and ENTIRELY separate identity, seems to me to be a DIFFERENT matter completely!:eek:

[Ralph]

I get so tired of seeing "Don't ever try to give up! It's impossible!" as a response to someone who says that they need to. IT ALL DEPENDS ON THE PERSON. Not all of us are so drawn to crossdressing that you can categorically say it is impossible for every single one of us. The only person it is impossible for is you, yourself... and your own negative attitude is what makes it so. Yes, many (possibly most) crossdressers try and fail; I myself have been through the purge-and-restart cycle a few times. But the urge is a lot stronger for me than it is for others (picking numbers out of my... ear, I'm maybe a 4 or 5 on a scale of 10). For people who enjoy it but don't spend every waking moment thinking about it or desiring it, putting those frillies away isn't so difficult. So for everyone's sake, quit making assumptions about what is and isn't possible for someone you know nothing about. How about encouraging and supporting fellow CDers in whatever goal is important to them?

Satin_Lover, your writing style makes you sound like you're still not sure of yourself. If you're as young as I'm leaping to the conclusion you are, there's a good chance your desires and focus will change as you get older. When I was 16, it was all about dresses and thoughts of sex didn't even enter my mind until I was 20. Now the dressing takes a far back seat to church, marriage, kids, job, and my friends (roughly in that order of priority).

I'm glad you feel that a solid relationship with a woman is more important to you than the crossdressing. I see so many posts here from people who have given up on marriage or never got married because the ability to dress full time was more important, and I'm sad for them... but that's their choice. Your priorities are yours alone, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

I do think that if you get into a relationship that looks like it could end up permanent, she needs to know. The minute you start thinking about it, BEFORE you give in to the impulses, tell her about it. "Before it gets out of hand, there's something you need to know about me..." make it clear how it affects your sexual desires (I assume you're straight), make it clear how it affects your perception of yourself as a man (I assume you have no interest in surgery or even looking like a woman), make it clear you're still the man she fell in love with and you always will be. Then try to explain what it is that makes you happy about the dressing and find out what she can and cannot tolerate. If she can't stand the thought of you ever wearing so much as satin boxers, that's where the taffeta hits the road. You get to decide if she's worth purging for life, and if you decide she is, you get the burden of sticking to that commitment no matter how strong the urge is.

Hopefully it won't come to that! When I made the "Darling, there's something you need to know" speech I was blessed to have a wife who, while she doesn't want to talk about it or participate, also doesn't care what I wear. But before I made that speech, I also made it clear that I was a loving, committed partner who cared more about her needs than my own. The things we loved about each other had nothing to do with dressing or acceptance... and more than 20 years later, the things we love about one another still have nothing to do with what anyone is wearing. May it go as well with you.

[Wen4cd]

Just read "Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle, I recommend the book to all of you, will help you find some peace.

In any case, he notes (and this is somewhat spiritual, sorry if you are offended), that as men we are 1/2 of our total self and we will always long for the other 1/2 of our self, that is, our feminine side. We can get closer to the feminine by finding a gal and being close to her. Some of us, prefer to "incarnate" that feminine side within ourselves. Nothing could be closer or more intimate, could it?

Ultimately, the goal, according to Tolle, is to find and embrace both your masculine and feminine side. Seems to me, we collectively have a leg up on that goal, eh?

That's essentially what Jung always said as well. The anima exists in man, is our feminine inner personality, and is a spiritual archetype in the unconscious.

This archetype can be projected onto another person, such as in cases of "love at first sight," but a man may come to find he has married his own anima projection, instead of the real person he's hitched himself to.

I find dressing keeps the archetype close to consciousness, and this allows me to view women as real human beings instead of having perception cluttered by the projection of my own feminine side. It also makes me more complete and happy, my vision feels clearer.

[Lyndi]

satin lover - CD is not an urge or a hobby. It is either in you or not and if so, you will never stop doing it and why would you want to ? If you find a lady to spend the rest of your life with, she will either accept or reject your CD - hopefully she will encourage you and assist in all your activities.

[JulieC]

My CD'ing is not to be femme but to be the closest to a female (Which I have none). I think at night my mind is saying (No, this is not what you want and desire so I take it off).

You can read into it what you will, but I don't read that into it. Sometimes when I've gone to bed wearing pantyhose or what have you, I wake up with them off too. I'm still very much a crossdresser.

I also don't think you're trying to replace a woman. And, the notion that you could or would be able to give up crossdressing if you just found the right woman is flawed.

Reality; this forum has MANY people who told a similar story; "I thought I would give up crossdressing when I married the right woman".

It doesn't work.

Try giving up using your dominant hand for a day. That's how easy it would be to give up crossdressing.

[Maia Saturn]

That's essentially what Jung always said as well. The anima exists in man, is our feminine inner personality, and is a spiritual archetype in the unconscious.

This archetype can be projected onto another person, such as in cases of "love at first sight," but a man may come to find he has married his own anima projection, instead of the real person he's hitched himself to.

I find dressing keeps the archetype close to consciousness, and this allows me to view women as real human beings instead of having perception cluttered by the projection of my own feminine side. It also makes me more complete and happy, my vision feels clearer.

I love you...

[Alice Torn]

SL, I can relate to all you wrote. I am 55, still single, have not had a dating life for years, partly because of lack of single ladies, around my age, who even will date. They all seem jaded, and burned out on too much male attention, want to spread their wings, and do their own things, and have been through enough divorce issues. Some of it, is i have a few health issues, and personal issues, and lack the income to support a wife. I agree, that it is kind of scary, with the females I see in the singles pool. I always thought, that I would no longer feel any desire to cd, if i dated a lot, or married. Now, I realize, that it does not go away. Even when I was dating, some, mainly senior ladies 20 yrs my senior, I still had the strong desire to dress! Sometimes it does feel like a "curse within", as the one with that handle says. I agree with Ralph, though, that few things are impossible, and some guys do quit dressing, at least for some time. I am a believer, that one can stop it, like being in jail, or prison, or boot camp. No way would most of us try to dress, in those situations. The urge may still be there, but, I think I would be too scared to. My older brothers are both going to prison, soon. I don't know it they cd'd or not. I also have thought of my cding, as replacement for the lovely woman i never married. It is very narcissistic, i admit. Reminds me of a lone parakeet, crazy about the bird he sees in the mirror! But, in our cases, we are not turned on by our guy self in the mirror, just the dressed up pretty lady, like a lovely piece of art we did!

[Satin_Lover_13]

I get so tired of seeing "Don't ever try to give up! It's impossible!" as a response to someone who says that they need to. IT ALL DEPENDS ON THE PERSON. Not all of us are so drawn to crossdressing that you can categorically say it is impossible for every single one of us. The only person it is impossible for is you, yourself... and your own negative attitude is what makes it so. Yes, many (possibly most) crossdressers try and fail; I myself have been through the purge-and-restart cycle a few times. But the urge is a lot stronger for me than it is for others (picking numbers out of my... ear, I'm maybe a 4 or 5 on a scale of 10). For people who enjoy it but don't spend every waking moment thinking about it or desiring it, putting those frillies away isn't so difficult. So for everyone's sake, quit making assumptions about what is and isn't possible for someone you know nothing about. How about encouraging and supporting fellow CDers in whatever goal is important to them?

Satin_Lover, your writing style makes you sound like you're still not sure of yourself. If you're as young as I'm leaping to the conclusion you are, there's a good chance your desires and focus will change as you get older. When I was 16, it was all about dresses and thoughts of sex didn't even enter my mind until I was 20. Now the dressing takes a far back seat to church, marriage, kids, job, and my friends (roughly in that order of priority).

I'm glad you feel that a solid relationship with a woman is more important to you than the crossdressing. I see so many posts here from people who have given up on marriage or never got married because the ability to dress full time was more important, and I'm sad for them... but that's their choice. Your priorities are yours alone, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

I do think that if you get into a relationship that looks like it could end up permanent, she needs to know. The minute you start thinking about it, BEFORE you give in to the impulses, tell her about it. "Before it gets out of hand, there's something you need to know about me..." make it clear how it affects your sexual desires (I assume you're straight), make it clear how it affects your perception of yourself as a man (I assume you have no interest in surgery or even looking like a woman), make it clear you're still the man she fell in love with and you always will be. Then try to explain what it is that makes you happy about the dressing and find out what she can and cannot tolerate. If she can't stand the thought of you ever wearing so much as satin boxers, that's where the taffeta hits the road. You get to decide if she's worth purging for life, and if you decide she is, you get the burden of sticking to that commitment no matter how strong the urge is.

Hopefully it won't come to that! When I made the "Darling, there's something you need to know" speech I was blessed to have a wife who, while she doesn't want to talk about it or participate, also doesn't care what I wear. But before I made that speech, I also made it clear that I was a loving, committed partner who cared more about her needs than my own. The things we loved about each other had nothing to do with dressing or acceptance... and more than 20 years later, the things we love about one another still have nothing to do with what anyone is wearing. May it go as well with you.

One that might get what I am trying to say.

Below is the reason why I dress:

1. I dress not to be a woman but to be caressed by the woman I hardly ever had.
A. A few times I felt pretty but very rarely.

2. When I dress my woman wants those quite times together as she holds me.

3. After making love to my woman I feel distaste in my mouth relying on satin clothes for my passionate caresses instead of a caring woman.

4. I always have been unlucky in love and at the age of 13 slips and night gowns cuddled my lonely existence do to being an outcast at a very young age.

5. My desires for a woman outweigh my desires to dress.
A. I do have a Femme side but it is not there for me to dress but to have an emotional connection with a loving woman.

6. I do not look like a woman or never could be one.

7. The bonus of my lady to love the softest of lingerie as she shares the experience of love making while she is wearing it.

8. The need to bond with my woman like a woman but not shown thru dressing

I hope this clears things up.

[Randy]

I thought that I would easily give this up when I found a woman. Well, I dated several and was sort of a "serial dresser" in that I would end up wearing something of theirs. Just borrowing, mind you, even though it was without their knowledge.

Now I'm married and obviously I know that this will not go away.

[ifitfeelsgood]

I dress because I love the feminine image. Not to be one, not to replace one. I like feminine things, Clothes, women, all of it.

[Charisma]

I get so tired of seeing "Don't ever try to give up! It's impossible!" as a response to someone who says that they need to. IT ALL DEPENDS ON THE PERSON. Not all of us are so drawn to crossdressing that you can categorically say it is impossible for every single one of us. The only person it is impossible for is you, yourself... and your own negative attitude is what makes it so. Yes, many (possibly most) crossdressers try and fail; I myself have been through the purge-and-restart cycle a few times. But the urge is a lot stronger for me than it is for others (picking numbers out of my... ear, I'm maybe a 4 or 5 on a scale of 10). For people who enjoy it but don't spend every waking moment thinking about it or desiring it, putting those frillies away isn't so difficult. So for everyone's sake, quit making assumptions about what is and isn't possible for someone you know nothing about. How about encouraging and supporting fellow CDers in whatever goal is important to them?

Satin_Lover, your writing style makes you sound like you're still not sure of yourself. If you're as young as I'm leaping to the conclusion you are, there's a good chance your desires and focus will change as you get older. When I was 16, it was all about dresses and thoughts of sex didn't even enter my mind until I was 20. Now the dressing takes a far back seat to church, marriage, kids, job, and my friends (roughly in that order of priority).

I'm glad you feel that a solid relationship with a woman is more important to you than the crossdressing. I see so many posts here from people who have given up on marriage or never got married because the ability to dress full time was more important, and I'm sad for them... but that's their choice. Your priorities are yours alone, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.




Bong!!!

I get tired of seeing the same thing, one track minds don't help the greater good of others.

I've tried to suppress CD for a while, its totally dependent on "YOU", I couldn't for awhile because of combat training school. Just recently my desire was strong but thanks to literally breaking my back in 3 places I couldn't do that or much else on my own, recovery is very painful, at least I can still walk some days like today are bad.

I will admit this, if I had the money to do a few things, I'd have laser hair removal done tomorrow and implants after all of that. I'd still live as a man too!

I dress for one reason, misses clothing is more comfy than mens, the cut is what I like I wish the pockets were bigger and funky buttons and other stuff are aweful! If the underwear makers would make mens underwear in the same styles as misses I'd redo my drawers, but keep the price the same. U realize a 3 pack of mens good unders are like $14 and a 5 pack of misses unders is like $6 the price only goes up if you get into the Misc undies. I specify misses because womens is too big.

I go to bed in a slinky chemise, I usually wake up and get out it and into boxies and a sports bra.

[Michelle S]

One that might get what I am trying to say.

Below is the reason why I dress:

1. I dress not to be a woman but to be caressed by the woman I hardly ever had.
A. A few times I felt pretty but very rarely.

2. When I dress my woman wants those quite times together as she holds me.

3. After making love to my woman I feel distaste in my mouth relying on satin clothes for my passionate caresses instead of a caring woman.

4. I always have been unlucky in love and at the age of 13 slips and night gowns cuddled my lonely existence do to being an outcast at a very young age.

5. My desires for a woman outweigh my desires to dress.
A. I do have a Femme side but it is not there for me to dress but to have an emotional connection with a loving woman.

6. I do not look like a woman or never could be one.

7. The bonus of my lady to love the softest of lingerie as she shares the experience of love making while she is wearing it.

8. The need to bond with my woman like a woman but not shown thru dressing

I hope this clears things up.

It sounds to me that you have a true fetish and you likely should seek psychiatric help. Do these statements ring true for you:

Fetishism is really a disorder whereby a person is experiencing extreme difficulties in their lives because of the fact that they like these particular objects to provide for them a great deal of sexual arousal.

...a lot of these people are really quite shy and find it really difficult to maintain normal sexual relationships in a healthy way with another human being. So they then gravitate to particular objects to go ahead and satisfy themselves.

They are from this interview: http://www.wellsphere.com/men-s-health-article/psychology-of-sexual-fetishes/80107

Everyone deserves love in their life. Some years ago I read Still life with Woodpecker
by Tom Robbins. The last sentence says: "It's never too late to have a happy childhood." Good luck to you.

PS: Your avatars are pretty cute. You have good taste.

[Pretty In Pink]

Wow! Great thread. Personally, my experience in relationships has not exactly been stellar. Divorced twice. Came "out" to both ladies before getting married. Both begrudgingly "accepted" it, but used that fact as a weapon through the rest of our relationships. CDing was not the main cause of either divorce, but it would be hard to say that it was not a contributing factor.

I am not "out", but would still divulge this information to someone that I was considering in a long term relationship.

~PIP

[Gerard]

I've never been lucky in love yet. I think a large part of it is that I was unsure of who and what I was.
Now I'm starting to understand myself, I am also starting to feel more confident in approaching women.

I don't see one as replacing the other although they are not entirely separate.

[Satin_Lover_13]

It sounds to me that you have a true fetish and you likely should seek psychiatric help. Do these statements ring true for you:

Fetishism is really a disorder whereby a person is experiencing extreme difficulties in their lives because of the fact that they like these particular objects to provide for them a great deal of sexual arousal.

...a lot of these people are really quite shy and find it really difficult to maintain normal sexual relationships in a healthy way with another human being. So they then gravitate to particular objects to go ahead and satisfy themselves.

They are from this interview: http://www.wellsphere.com/men-s-health-article/psychology-of-sexual-fetishes/80107

Everyone deserves love in their life. Some years ago I read Still life with Woodpecker
by Tom Robbins. The last sentence says: "It's never too late to have a happy childhood." Good luck to you.

PS: Your avatars are pretty cute. You have good taste.

The help that I need is finding a lady. :battingeyelashes::daydreaming::D

Yes I have a fetish, I was never good with women. Most saw me as a brother of father figure. This was even in High School. Also learned to destress the days pain with sexual fun with or without dressing. I did it this week and I am almost about to dress now.

--------------------------------

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cross-dressing

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transvestic_fetishism

[Amy Lynn3]

I'm not sure how to answer all of the post, but I,ll answer part of it this way. To the people who want to find a woman to date. May I suggest an online dating site. I have met plenty of women on there. Some do look at the income of the male, but most don't.

Its easy to get a date...just ask enough women and one will say yes and the internet is a great tool to find one. I have used the free web site, plenty of fish and several others. I have found women on all sites, even my space. I have dated women from age 30 to age 65 and all I did was ask and send a picture.

Meet for coffee or lunch and most want to go dutch, so you will not break the bank. The women out there are just as eager to meet you as you are them, so just ask and you will have all the dates you want.

[AKAMichelle]

My CD'ing is not to be femme but to be the closest to a female (Which I have none). I think at night my mind is saying (No, this is not what you want and desire so I take it off).

Take it from a person who has been there and done that. Having a woman around will bury the desires for awhile, but they will return. If you don't tell the woman prior to getting serious then you will repeat the mistakes of so many of us. I didn't tell my wife of 25+ years because I thought it went away. Now I have children and a wife who don't accept me. I reaped the fruit of my decisions.

The feelings may start out like you describe but will develop overtime. They will evolve into something else which you think now will never happen. Make sure you find a woman who accepts and knows everything before you get serious with them. They are out there. I have met a lot of them over the last couple of months.

[Andy66]

Hopefully you will meet a woman who doesn't mind your cross-dressing... just in case you feel like doing it in the future.

I really believe there's someone for everyone. I hope some day soon you will find the person who feels you are as special as you feel she is. Keep in mind though that nobody is perfect.

[Alice Torn]

Anne, Quite an unusual cat face, there.

[Satin_Lover_13]

Below is what I FEEL not what I WANT:

1. I hate dressing.
(A). I want to stop and I do not want to find an accepting partner.

2. Dressing only replaces the closeness of a woman.
(A). I was always unlucky in love.
(B). I tried dating sites (E-Harmony with 571 matches, never made it to talking on the phone with just one of the women)
(C). I was never a sweet talker or good at talking do to my trials growing up. (Non CD Issues)
(D). I have looked at other CD's from time to time because we all as human beings have the need to be held but again after my experiences I felt sick to my stomach.
(E). I feel I would fall into a relationship with a CD, ******* or Trans just because of the lack of a partner. I do not want this but my body needs to be held.

3. Dressing is a total fetish.

4. I do not want to dress for a fantasy; I want to be held by a loving woman in reality.
(A). I need to contact of flesh not the softness of satin.
(B). I do not want to softness of satin unless she is wearing the lingerie.

5. Is there anyone that can relate to what I am saying?

[sometimes_miss]

I agree with Nicole.
Even if you do find a woman to be with, the desire to cd will always be there.

This does not correlate with my experience. My crossdressing desire is keyed by various types of stress events in my life, and the degree of stress is instrumental in whether or not it causes me to want to dress. Sometimes I can cope by simply having a few minutes of peace and quiet, or perhaps a soda and something good to eat, much the same way that smokers cope by having a cigarette. In two separate relationships I didn't crossdress for several years, until other events in those relationships caused all my other emotional support systems to fail, which triggered....the desire to crossdress.

[Satin_Lover_13]

This does not correlate with my experience. My crossdressing desire is keyed by various types of stress events in my life, and the degree of stress is instrumental in whether or not it causes me to want to dress. Sometimes I can cope by simply having a few minutes of peace and quiet, or perhaps a soda and something good to eat, much the same way that smokers cope by having a cigarette. In two separate relationships I didn't crossdress for several years, until other events in those relationships caused all my other emotional support systems to fail, which triggered....the desire to crossdress.

I so can relate to this. If I had a very stressed day and wanted to be held the satin came on after my shower. There was no one or no thing in my life except for satin.

If my mind rejects my dressing in my sleep then doesn't this say my mind hates what I am doing?

My total desire is the woman not the dressing. The dressing is only a stop gap measure until I get one.

[Satin_Lover_13]

You have the perfect relationship with your partner except she hates your CD'ing. Would you break it off because you have to CD?

For me the goal is the woman not my CD'ing.

I just feel I am one of the few in the forum that feel this way so this may not be the right place.

Yes I have purged and got more stuff but when my inside feels so against it while most of you your insides feel so passionate to CD I am not sure there is a place for me here.

It is not acceptance it is every fiber hates where I am and have to be just to get a soft caress.

[Satin_Lover_13]

All I want is to be cuddled. :D That is what my life is missing and my dressing gives me.

[docrobbysherry]

Because I am, first and foremost, a FETISH DRESSER.:brolleyes:

I KNOW that I'm trading opportunities with REAL women, for Sherry, my make believe female personality. But, it's DIFFERENT for me. In the past, I've had countless girlfriends, an ex wife, and children. U HAVEN'T, have U?!

When I choose Sherry over my 50/60 year old dates, I'm discusted by my choice, to date. Sounds similar to what U feel. But, at least I STILL have a choice! It sounds like u DON'T! And THAT'S wrong. Unless you're HAPPY NOT having one, and sounds like u aren't! :sad:

Personally, I think a few sessions with a good therapist would help u a lot, SL!

If u wish to discuss this further, please PM me!:)

[Southern Jenni]

I can't speak for anyone but me of course, but my reasons have changed over the years. When I was younger, I think it had a lot to do with the "creating a woman I didn't have" thing. Becoming my own ideal so to speak. However, falling in love and getting married to a GG didn't change my need to dress. Oh, it put it on hold for a while, but I'd say within two years I was back to it. Now I think my reasons are mainly for creative expression, escapism, and the basic thrill of just dressing up. It all boils down to the fact I get a rush when I look pretty. I've never been confident in my looks as a man, always had body issues being too skinny, but when I'm dressed as woman everything that I feel self-conscious about as a man magically become assets as a woman... It builds my self-confidence. It's superficial, but I dress because I feel better looking as a woman than a man... and who doesn't want to be pretty if they can be?

[Jonianne]

SL, I don't know if it will help, but my wife and I met while I was doing volunteer work at a woman's shelter. Immerse yourself in those type activities and it will benifit in several ways. First it will help get your mind off the desparateness you are feeling in needing a partner. Second, it will let women see the loving kind person you are and many women really are attracted to that. Also even if you don't meet someone compatable, you still feel so much more satisfaction using your talents helping those who may be in need.

[Satin_Lover_13]

Because I am, first and foremost, a FETISH DRESSER.:brolleyes:

I KNOW that I'm trading opportunities with REAL women, for Sherry, my make believe female personality. But, it's DIFFERENT for me. In the past, I've had countless girlfriends, an ex wife, and children. U HAVEN'T, have U?!

When I choose Sherry over my 50/60 year old dates, I'm discusted by my choice, to date. Sounds similar to what U feel. But, at least I STILL have a choice! It sounds like u DON'T! And THAT'S wrong. Unless you're HAPPY NOT having one, and sounds like u aren't! :sad:

Personally, I think a few sessions with a good therapist would help u a lot, SL!

If u wish to discuss this further, please PM me!:)

I was never lucky in meeting the ladies. :eek: Last one was over eight years ago. If I lived in another country I have built a connection to a woman the past four years. For me to live there would be very hard and I would need to learn spanish to find work. She does speak english. I can let a crazy hooker into me life that wants me but with her sex stories she leaves no room to let things happen. SHe is that graphic.


SL, I don't know if it will help, but my wife and I met while I was doing volunteer work at a woman's shelter. Immerse yourself in those type activities and it will benifit in several ways. First it will help get your mind off the desparateness you are feeling in needing a partner. Second, it will let women see the loving kind person you are and many women really are attracted to that. Also even if you don't meet someone compatable, you still feel so much more satisfaction using your talents helping those who may be in need.

I would love to try to get out more. Not much energy. Plus with my old job calling me back it is harder then ever. All i want is a shower when I get home and chill. :D

[Satin_Lover_13]

I needed to be hugged by soft satin as I become 48 this week. Alone and have many regrets in my life.

[Ashley Williams]

For every complex question, there is a simple answer – and it’s wrong.

H. L. Mencken, 1880-1956

This quote has been falsely attributed to Oscar Wilde,by the way.

You will know in your heart that there is no neat solution to your dilemma.

A fetishistic attraction to female underwear can be a barrier to forming relationships with women in itself, and the confusion it can generate is one I can very much empathise with.

Therapy did help me to a certain extent - it helped me to believe that I was not mentally ill and that there was a logical driver somewhere behind my desires.

But then life moves on.

I am now living as a married man, unhappy myself and with an unhappy wife - and essentially neither of us really want to make the choice between the idea of how things could be and how they are.

This is because how things could be too often involves turning back the clock - and that is never possible. We cannot 'un-know' things - so the only route is forward.

Forward, though, depends on finding something positive on which to build - and it is essentially the same for you, I think.

Counting your blessings is such a dated concept - but if you can only find within yourself something that your really value - perhaps it would provide a starting point.

This could need help to achieve, though.

You will find so many opinions here that it can be confusing - so if you do have access to any kind of counselling or therapy I would strongly recommend it.

Best Wishes in your struggle.

[NicoleScott]

A LOT of us young, naive, crossdressers believed that the urge would go away when we found the right woman.
Your crossdressing is not a condition that will cease to exist if and when some event happens.
A lot of us have been there, done that, got the T-shirt (well, blouse).

[Laura_Stephens]

A LOT of us young, naive, crossdressers believed that the urge would go away when we found the right woman.
Your crossdressing is not a condition that will cease to exist if and when some event happens.
A lot of us have been there, done that, got the T-shirt (well, blouse).

That was me. I loved the woman I married -- VERY much so. I thought that the desire would "go away" when I could be with her all of the time. I found out, as have many others, that life doesn't work that way.

[Ashley_in_Texas]

If my mind rejects my dressing in my sleep then doesn't this say my mind hates what I am doing?

My total desire is the woman not the dressing. The dressing is only a stop gap measure until I get one.

First, In my opinion, it is a different part of your brain that controls the sleepwalking and probably the changing back into male clothes. I'm assuming you have no memory of the changing.

Second, I have had the same thoughts. I always thought "when I get a girlfriend / wife, I will stop dressing." Didn't work that way for me. As a matter of fact, my desire to dress grew after I got married.

Just my humble thoughts.

[Laurie A]

I would love to try to get out more. Not much energy. Plus with my old job calling me back it is harder then ever. All i want is a shower when I get home and chill. :D

I think J's advice was a great! You need to get out of your house and into the world to try and meet new people. Find a hobby or interest that you can share with people. Try volunteer work for a food kitchen, school, or hospital, get involved with in a political campaign. Your loneliness is whats eating you up. If depression is an issue see a health professional. But above all this will take effort on your part.

Take those steps and I almost guarantee you will begin to meet men and women who will make your life richer. Above all be patient with yourself. Relationships often happen when you least expect them.

As a side note, though I would be surprised if your fetish disappears because you are involved in a meaningful relationship with a woman. Just don't let the fetish become an obstacle in your quest for companionship.

[Alice Torn]

SL, I can truly relate, with your pain, isolation, lonliness. I turned 55 in May, and i have wanted a lovely girlfriend, since 18. I really did not get to date much, until my 3o's, but, every lady, considered me just a brother figure, too. I usually turned women off, because i was so "needy". Finally, i am losing my desire, to have to have a dating life, mainly, because i see the way today's baby boomer unmarried women are, and, that men are not respected anymore, unless highly successful. And, that I am damaged goods, from such a loveless, extremely dysfunctional family, and am not much good at any relationships. It is a lonely life, but, i do get out, some, and do things alone, some times get together with other loner guys. And, i have gone to some support groups, like Alanon. I go to a singles dance, but, it seems all the guys are after too few ladies. I can only tell you, that we live in extremely trying times, financially, socially, lonliness . There are a lot of lonely cders, and non cders, who would like well matched ladyfriends. Socially, we don't have the natural skills, women do. We are kind of socially hamstrung. I wish the gg's had more compassion on us! I have learned to accept never having a lady to share hugs with. Cats or dogs are lovable. I dress up looking nice, to enjoy it, and sometimes to be the lady missing all these decades. You are not alone.

[CherylFlint]

Sorry, but life doesn't work that way. If you think that a real woman in your life is going to stop you from dressing, best think again. Doesn't happen. Make it easy on yourself: just tell any future Mrs. that you dress and take it from there. Be honest. You should read some of the other chats on this blog. The wives are upset about the lies, not about the dressing. Be honest with any future Mrs. and with yourself. Good luck. Me? I put an ad in LOVE AOL and said up front that I was a crossdresser. She contacted me and we made a date and a year later we married.

[mklinden2010]

>>I know my dressing replaces a woman I do not have at the moment. Has this happened to anybody else? I do want a woman and would give up dressing to have one.


Well, there's all kinds of ways to kill time. But, 8 years of it?

That's a long moment...

You're offering to give up crossdressing for a a woman, but I don't think there are any women who are aware of the deal you're proposing - OR, interested in it.

No, I don't recall any women saying, "Boy, I'm just looking for a guy... A guy who'll give up crossdressing for me... Yeah, that would be the perfect guy for me!"

The posts recommending getting out more... Yeah, that's kind of the right idea. But, in your case, try NOT being yourself. Be someone more interested in solving world hunger, finding a cure for cancer, painting the best birdhouse you can build.

Giving up crossdressing won't make all that much difference in the world and there's no reason to give it up entirely - no gain there. But, give up SOME of the time you're spending on it and use that time on some of these other issues.

Might take you a couple of years, but you've gotten yourself into a pretty seriously non-productive rut there. If you're going to goof off, at least have the good sense to ease up when it stops being fun.

Nah, keep the crossdressing - it sets you apart from the herd and that's not all bad...

But, don't forget about the herd!

Whatever they are, you're one too...

Do better, raise the average.

[Satin_Lover_13]

For every complex question, there is a simple answer – and it’s wrong.

H. L. Mencken, 1880-1956

This quote has been falsely attributed to Oscar Wilde,by the way.

You will know in your heart that there is no neat solution to your dilemma.

A fetishistic attraction to female underwear can be a barrier to forming relationships with women in itself, and the confusion it can generate is one I can very much empathise with.

Therapy did help me to a certain extent - it helped me to believe that I was not mentally ill and that there was a logical driver somewhere behind my desires.

But then life moves on.

I am now living as a married man, unhappy myself and with an unhappy wife - and essentially neither of us really want to make the choice between the idea of how things could be and how they are.

This is because how things could be too often involves turning back the clock - and that is never possible. We cannot 'un-know' things - so the only route is forward.

Forward, though, depends on finding something positive on which to build - and it is essentially the same for you, I think.

Counting your blessings is such a dated concept - but if you can only find within yourself something that your really value - perhaps it would provide a starting point.

This could need help to achieve, though.

You will find so many opinions here that it can be confusing - so if you do have access to any kind of counselling or therapy I would strongly recommend it.

Best Wishes in your struggle.

I do have a counselor but only have 4 sessions left. No insurance here. My dressing replaces the woman. Her satin is the only thing I can have.


A LOT of us young, naive, crossdressers believed that the urge would go away when we found the right woman.
Your crossdressing is not a condition that will cease to exist if and when some event happens.
A lot of us have been there, done that, got the T-shirt (well, blouse).

Well I like to try it. As I connect to a woman on an emotional level and being satified that way my need to dress will go away. I am in a night gown today because there is no woman contact in any way.


That was me. I loved the woman I married -- VERY much so. I thought that the desire would "go away" when I could be with her all of the time. I found out, as have many others, that life doesn't work that way.

I think my dressing is not to be femme but surrounded by femme. I think a woman can supply this need.


First, In my opinion, it is a different part of your brain that controls the sleepwalking and probably the changing back into male clothes. I'm assuming you have no memory of the changing.

Second, I have had the same thoughts. I always thought "when I get a girlfriend / wife, I will stop dressing." Didn't work that way for me. As a matter of fact, my desire to dress grew after I got married.

Just my humble thoughts.

Well that same part of my brain will close my bedroom door if I am still dressed so I outside world can not see. I am a very complex person.

[Satin_Lover_13]

I think J's advice was a great! You need to get out of your house and into the world to try and meet new people. Find a hobby or interest that you can share with people. Try volunteer work for a food kitchen, school, or hospital, get involved with in a political campaign. Your loneliness is whats eating you up. If depression is an issue see a health professional. But above all this will take effort on your part.

Take those steps and I almost guarantee you will begin to meet men and women who will make your life richer. Above all be patient with yourself. Relationships often happen when you least expect them.

As a side note, though I would be surprised if your fetish disappears because you are involved in a meaningful relationship with a woman. Just don't let the fetish become an obstacle in your quest for companionship.

I am watching my money because I am working a temp job. If I had stable work I would do more meetup things. Just choosing my battles to win. Yes I do want to go out. I want to find a fun thing to do.

I am looking at this as my SO has to accept my dressing I want my SO to start giving me normal things that happen in a relationship. The things most men take for granted I would love. Home cooked meals, a phone call during the day ETC.... The simple things.


SL, I can truly relate, with your pain, isolation, lonliness. I turned 55 in May, and i have wanted a lovely girlfriend, since 18. I really did not get to date much, until my 3o's, but, every lady, considered me just a brother figure, too. I usually turned women off, because i was so "needy". Finally, i am losing my desire, to have to have a dating life, mainly, because i see the way today's baby boomer unmarried women are, and, that men are not respected anymore, unless highly successful. And, that I am damaged goods, from such a loveless, extremely dysfunctional family, and am not much good at any relationships. It is a lonely life, but, i do get out, some, and do things alone, some times get together with other loner guys. And, i have gone to some support groups, like Alanon. I go to a singles dance, but, it seems all the guys are after too few ladies. I can only tell you, that we live in extremely trying times, financially, socially, lonliness . There are a lot of lonely cders, and non cders, who would like well matched ladyfriends. Socially, we don't have the natural skills, women do. We are kind of socially hamstrung. I wish the gg's had more compassion on us! I have learned to accept never having a lady to share hugs with. Cats or dogs are lovable. I dress up looking nice, to enjoy it, and sometimes to be the lady missing all these decades. You are not alone.

I never gave up hope of finding someone but I am loosing faith. I do have some contact with women from other countries and they love my softer side. :)


Sorry, but life doesn't work that way. If you think that a real woman in your life is going to stop you from dressing, best think again. Doesn't happen. Make it easy on yourself: just tell any future Mrs. that you dress and take it from there. Be honest. You should read some of the other chats on this blog. The wives are upset about the lies, not about the dressing. Be honest with any future Mrs. and with yourself. Good luck. Me? I put an ad in LOVE AOL and said up front that I was a crossdresser. She contacted me and we made a date and a year later we married.

But I want my woman to be my life not dressing. Dressing brings me down a road to having a relationship with other CD's or ******** because there are no women. I want a reall GG and something close because I can not find a woman.

Thinking about other CD's and ******** are starting to excite me with is the last thing I want. :straightface:


>>I know my dressing replaces a woman I do not have at the moment. Has this happened to anybody else? I do want a woman and would give up dressing to have one.


Well, there's all kinds of ways to kill time. But, 8 years of it?

That's a long moment...

You're offering to give up crossdressing for a a woman, but I don't think there are any women who are aware of the deal you're proposing - OR, interested in it.

No, I don't recall any women saying, "Boy, I'm just looking for a guy... A guy who'll give up crossdressing for me... Yeah, that would be the perfect guy for me!"

The posts recommending getting out more... Yeah, that's kind of the right idea. But, in your case, try NOT being yourself. Be someone more interested in solving world hunger, finding a cure for cancer, painting the best birdhouse you can build.

Giving up crossdressing won't make all that much difference in the world and there's no reason to give it up entirely - no gain there. But, give up SOME of the time you're spending on it and use that time on some of these other issues.

Might take you a couple of years, but you've gotten yourself into a pretty seriously non-productive rut there. If you're going to goof off, at least have the good sense to ease up when it stops being fun.

Nah, keep the crossdressing - it sets you apart from the herd and that's not all bad...

But, don't forget about the herd!

Whatever they are, you're one too...

Do better, raise the average.

She does not need to know I CD because it is a fetish. In the bedroom if she asks if I have one I can say I have a think for women in satin and we BOTH enjoy that. This works for me. I do not want to wear it. I want to cuddle her as she wears her things, laced with perfume. This is what I like to have. :)

[Alice Torn]

I have come, to realize, that most women are high maintenance, and they truly are roses, that come with thorns! Us single cders, need to know, and accept, that we have value, though we don't have SO's, and we may never have SO's. The divorce rate isn't 50%, for nothing! For decades, i prayed for, and befriended some single ladies, but the answer was always no. If i had married, i would likely have been split. Don't be too discouraged. Don't find a lady, only for touch. They are complex, and, often make the rules. Also, putting a gg on a pedastel, too much, and needing them too much, will turn them away. How true that is. It's ok to be alone. Better than being with a wrong one!

[Satin_Lover_13]

I have come, to realize, that most women are high maintenance, and they truly are roses, that come with thorns! Us single cders, need to know, and accept, that we have value, though we don't have SO's, and we may never have SO's. The divorce rate isn't 50%, for nothing! For decades, i prayed for, and befriended some single ladies, but the answer was always no. If i had married, i would likely have been split. Don't be too discouraged. Don't find a lady, only for touch. They are complex, and, often make the rules. Also, putting a gg on a pedastel, too much, and needing them too much, will turn them away. How true that is. It's ok to be alone. Better than being with a wrong one!

But being alone hurts. I am trying to make new friends too. :-))

[Jaclyn NM]

For what it's worth, I love my wife of 33 years, and I love being with her, but I also love crossdressing, and to my mind, the two are not incompatable, nor exclusive. I crossdressed before meeting my wife, and also after, in fact to this day.

[Satin_Lover_13]

For what it's worth, I love my wife of 33 years, and I love being with her, but I also love crossdressing, and to my mind, the two are not incompatable, nor exclusive. I crossdressed before meeting my wife, and also after, in fact to this day.

I crossdress because it is the closest I can get to a woman. Almost the only softness I ever known.

[charlytuna]

nicole say it best I need both to surivie

[Audrey34]

I'm glad this thread is here. When I was younger I went through a lot of guilt when I crossdressed. I felt that by spending so much time dressed as a woman I avoided looking for a real one. I now realize if I fell in love and got married tomorrow I would still be crossdressing. Only tried purging my fem things once and that lasted nearly a year. I now know several women (no chance of marriage unfortunately) whom I'm close with but I still want to dress. And on top of it they encourage me to do so!
-Audrey

[Satin_Lover_13]

I'm glad this thread is here. When I was younger I went through a lot of guilt when I crossdressed. I felt that by spending so much time dressed as a woman I avoided looking for a real one. I now realize if I fell in love and got married tomorrow I would still be crossdressing. Only tried purging my fem things once and that lasted nearly a year. I now know several women (no chance of marriage unfortunately) whom I'm close with but I still want to dress. And on top of it they encourage me to do so!
-Audrey

I feel my dressing replaced a woman I can only dream about. I am in a satin sundress now feeling her softness.

[Alice Torn]

SL, I can relate to what you said, in that the soft silky clothes are the closest some of us come, to a real lady.

[Satin_Lover_13]

SL, I can relate to what you said, in that the soft silky clothes are the closest some of us come, to a real lady.

But that really stinks when feeling human beings can only access touch thru clothes instead of other human beings.

[Satin_Lover_13]

Lately I just had the need to dress, feel soft and loved.