Self Defense and Safety for Cross-Dressers

[Mandyflcd]

First and foremost, please do not turn this into another gun control debate (yes, I searched the forum and read the whole thing). Lets just agree to disagree on the gun debate and not all turn into official authorities on either side and get this thread locked too. :)

As a karate instructor I teach a lot of female self defense courses and as a cross-dresser I can see first hand how the topics of female self defense and cross-dresser self defense closely relate to each other. For that reason I wrote a self defense for cross-dressers post on my blog. I don't mean to shamelessly advertise my blog but if you're curious to read the whole thing you can find it here: http://www.mandyflcd.com/2009/08/live-to-cross-dress-another-day/.

In my blog post I stated the absolute best self defense move anyone can learn and, believe it or not, it is the easiest to learn. The move is simple... avoid the situation in the first place! This is done by being aware of your surroundings, reacting to your surroundings, and appearing strong and confident.

Again, sorry to advertise my blog post but I think that this is a very important topic to know about if not discuss. I know I have avoided a few situations that could have turned out to be quite harmful just by being aware of what was going on around me and taking the preventative steps to avoid the unfolding situation.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Mandy

Anything to help with safety is always welcome

You may notice a sticky at the top of this section has a lot of good safety tips too

We can never be too careful

[Mandyflcd]

Hi Shelly,

I missed the safety thread in the sticky area. I tend to overlook things if they aren't highlighted with new posts. Oops!! Copying the blog link or a link to this thread into that thread up there may be a useful thing for future reference. I am kind of interested in seeing the kind of discussion we can get going in this thread and see if any other martial artist / cross-dressers have anything good to add.

[sherri52]

Hi Mandy. Youv'e got some good moves there Thanks

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi Mandy-

Thank you so much. The basic self defense moves you have posted in your link are something everyone should know, tgirls, ggirls, men, women, boys, girls, whoever. And as you emphasized, situational awareness is so important. Not putting yourself in a position where you may be open to attack is the best way. Getting involved in a self-defense class, and many community colleges offer them for free, is so worth the time and effort involved.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[HalloweenDragon]

For over 13 years I've practiced Grecco-Roman wrestling, Brazilian Jui-Jitsu, and Kendo. I suggest EVERYONE learns some form of self-defense. Unfortunatly, the world is a scary place nowadays!

[Miranda09]

Good advice...and most important, if you can run away from a situation...then do so. :) I practice this even while in drab mode, and I have studied Tai Kwon Do for for a year...not much, I know, but enough to get out of a situation if need be.

[Midnight Skye]

I must cutely remind... it's hard to run in 3-4 inch heels ;)

Aside from that... runnings great! Sadly I could probably outrun most men in my heels...

[Trycia]

Mandy-

Some excellent tips, but avoidance is obviously the best. I'm going for my black belt in Tae Kwon Do and I have to say I feel much better prepared than the average person in the event I get into a sticky situation.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi girls, just to chime in again, I think it ought to be pointed out that simply using a self-defense move to break a hold, like someone bearhugging you from behind, or something, probably isn't going to be sufficient to halt an attack. Whoever's assaulting you isn't going to tip their hat and say, "Whoops, sorry, my mistake." and walk away, in fact it will probably piss them off.

As Mandy pointed out in her link, at least on some of the moves, the breakhold should be followed by some incapacitating followup. A heel stomp to their instep, a blow to the groin, an eye gouge, something that will give them something else to think about while you are running like hell and screaming for help. (Better to scream "FIRE", btw, it will draw more attention.) Please don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying you should try to put someone in the hospital or seriously hurt them for no reason, but we are talking serious situations where your life could very well be in danger. Better them than you.

While I'm rattling on, another thing to remember is that you may be facing more than one assailant and they may be armed with anything from edged weapons to firearms. Not many have the abilities, skills and training to face multiple attackers. FWIW, I think everyone should take some sort of formal martial arts from a trained and certified instructor or at least a basic self-defense class. It doesn't have to be about maiming someone, either, there are many martial arts that emphasize using an opponents moves and momentum against them, aikido is one that comes first to mind. Of course it requires time, effort, discipline, and oh, money. But it is worth it.

Here's praying that none of us ever have to face a situation in which we are physically being assaulted by someone who intends serious harm. May the Goddess watch over us all and keep us safe. Thank you once again, Mandy, for your post.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[kimkat]

Very good points to keep in mind regardless of where you are. An attack can occur even in an area of town that is considered "safe". As my Taekwondo instructor used to saay, "The best way to avoid a punch is to not be there when it lands". The best way to avoid being attacked is to not be in an area you would not want you mother, wife, or child to go in. Always be on the alert, especially on your way to and from your car. I have even told my wife numerous times that BEFORE you get in your car, take a look in the back seat to make sure no one has popped the lock and is waiting for you to return.

Stay safe

[Jamie001]

Myabe we should have tasers like the cops have. I understand that you can buy them on the Taser.com website. I saw one used on an episode of cops and when the bad guy got shot with it, he was on the ground doin the Jitterbug. It was really funny. It can make someone flop like a fish but it really doesn't hurt them.

[Wen4cd]

Someone once told me:

"There are innumerable books and techniques on how to handle a person with a knife, but there are no counter techniques to defend against a person with a two knives."

[Raquelle C]

What a cool post! We won't have ta' worry about that while out with you though ;)

[tricia_uktv]

When out my biggest weapons are a smile and a wink (they work wonders). I also know not to be isolated (so ironically be in crowds) and as Mandy says, be totally aware. I have a danger song which comes into my head when I sniff trouble. I then side-step it, though it may not have been trouble at all. Better to be safe though.

[Mandyflcd]

There were a few comments about facing an attacker with a knife and that it would be good to know self defense in that situation. Any self defense instructor will tell you that no matter how good you are, you have no idea if the other person is better. Not worth taking that gamble! If you plan properly and maintain your awareness you should never have to do anything more than smack some drunk idiot in a bar who grabbed your butt.

As for carrying a taser... just make sure you know the local laws that apply for carrying a taser. In some states it is considered a concealed weapon and in others it isn't. It is up to you on whether you carry one or not but if you do decide to carry one make sure that you go through some training to use it. Don't just read the instructions, stick it in your purse, and go skipping off to the bar. :)

[paulaW]

Thanks, great info you have there!!


I don't mean to shamelessly advertise my blog but......

"Flogging your blog"? Oh, my!!:bs:

[paulaW]

I started going out dressed when I was 15. Just to the mall in the summer, and dressing when I got there. I was always careful, and never had anyone call me out as a crossdress; at least, not that I know of. There were a few older women at this one store that would give me a knowing look and smile, but that was it. I'd dress in the men's room, sneak out, store my stuff in a locker, then window shop. When I was ready to leave, I'd just get my clothes, sneak back in, and dress.

Anyone ever wonder why in the hell malls put their restrooms in out of the way areas? True, it helped when I wanted to sneak in and out, but it doesn't help when I got grabbed by this guy. I'm pretty small and petite, and he got me into a bear hug, clapped a hand over my mouth, and was well on his way to dragging me to a custodian's closet. He knew I was a CD because of what he was saying and he had torn away most of my panties and was groping me.

I took a major chance and went limp. When he tried to get a better grip on me, I broke away, grabbed my bag (dropped in the hall) and ran outside thru a fire escape door. Sure, the alarm rang, but I didn't stop. I went into the woods and changed there.

The next day, I told everyone in school about a "friend" of mine that was attacked at the mall, and that they should be careful using the restrooms.

I'm certain to this day that had he gotten me to that closet, I'd have been raped.

[AmandaM]

Wow! You are lucky. This also begs the question. That guy was probably casing the joint for a victim, not likely a crime of opportunity. So, more reason to "not be there". I do carry a blade, but we won't talk about that. :eek:


I started going out dressed when I was 15. Just to the mall in the summer, and dressing when I got there. I was always careful, and never had anyone call me out as a crossdress; at least, not that I know of. There were a few older women at this one store that would give me a knowing look and smile, but that was it. I'd dress in the men's room, sneak out, store my stuff in a locker, then window shop. When I was ready to leave, I'd just get my clothes, sneak back in, and dress.

Anyone ever wonder why in the hell malls put their restrooms in out of the way areas? True, it helped when I wanted to sneak in and out, but it doesn't help when I got grabbed by this guy. I'm pretty small and petite, and he got me into a bear hug, clapped a hand over my mouth, and was well on his way to dragging me to a custodian's closet. He knew I was a CD because of what he was saying and he had torn away most of my panties and was groping me.

I took a major chance and went limp. When he tried to get a better grip on me, I broke away, grabbed my bag (dropped in the hall) and ran outside thru a fire escape door. Sure, the alarm rang, but I didn't stop. I went into the woods and changed there.

The next day, I told everyone in school about a "friend" of mine that was attacked at the mall, and that they should be careful using the restrooms.

I'm certain to this day that had he gotten me to that closet, I'd have been raped.

[trannie T]

I carry a whistle and pepperspray. Many attackers will lose interest if you make enough noise to attract attention, and most everybody will lose interest with a searing pain in their face. I carry them both when I am out with my car keys.

[Scotty]

Mandy that is a good read.

I too practice Karate and am in the upper belt division -

Mace, knives, guns, they can all be taken away, CANNOT be carried into bars and clubs, and when you are left with empty hands, remember what the Japanese translation of Empty Hands is.

Kara Te

aka Karate

[Miranda09]

I carry a whistle and pepperspray. Many attackers will lose interest if you make enough noise to attract attention, and most everybody will lose interest with a searing pain in their face. I carry them both when I am out with my car keys.

Car keys can make a very effective weapon as well. Just hold them protruding between your fingers, and they can discourage an attacker long enough to get out of harms way.

[Angie G]

Mandy I think what your doing is a good thing and very needed. Net to long ago we had A tg killed In Syracuse Just because of her life style.:hugs:
Angie

[Ranma]

I am taking Kuk Sul Won myself. I was doing it mainly for exercise but it sounds like it could be good to be prepared.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi Mandy-

I hope that anything I said wasn't misconstrued, no matter how good you may be, there's always someone better. All that stuff you see in movies about one person subduing or disarming 5 or 6 attackers is, well, just movie stunts. Absolutely the best way to deal with a situation is having enough sense not to get into it in the first place.

Thank you, once again, for starting this thread, I hope it gives us all something to think about. The world is not filled with threats and bad people, but they are out there and it's good to know what to do if, Goddess forbid, it should ever happen.

Hugs...Joni Mari




There were a few comments about facing an attacker with a knife and that it would be good to know self defense in that situation. Any self defense instructor will tell you that no matter how good you are, you have no idea if the other person is better. Not worth taking that gamble! If you plan properly and maintain your awareness you should never have to do anything more than smack some drunk idiot in a bar who grabbed your butt.

As for carrying a taser... just make sure you know the local laws that apply for carrying a taser. In some states it is considered a concealed weapon and in others it isn't. It is up to you on whether you carry one or not but if you do decide to carry one make sure that you go through some training to use it. Don't just read the instructions, stick it in your purse, and go skipping off to the bar. :)

[Gerard]

I haven't read the blog yet, but I agree with the general advice. I think it's also more a part of girl upbringing than boy upbringing to teach to avoid the situation in the first place.

One thing I already told before, but that made me realise how much difference there is, is when I discovered that a female friend would always bring a pair of flat shoes when going out, so when going home she would not be in heels. It's things guys just don't need to think about.

[lee in a skirt]

You post some good ideas here. This is why i have started practicing mma including taekwondo boxing and ju jitsu so that when i go out i can always defend myself. Especially as i tend to go out half dressed which means that if someone notices they will tend to say something.

[Mandyflcd]

Hi Mandy-

I hope that anything I said wasn't misconstrued, no matter how good you may be, there's always someone better. All that stuff you see in movies about one person subduing or disarming 5 or 6 attackers is, well, just movie stunts. Absolutely the best way to deal with a situation is having enough sense not to get into it in the first place.

Thank you, once again, for starting this thread, I hope it gives us all something to think about. The world is not filled with threats and bad people, but they are out there and it's good to know what to do if, Goddess forbid, it should ever happen.

Hugs...Joni Mari

Hi Joni Mari,

I didn't take anything in a negative way. In fact I agree with everything you said in your post. I was just repeating what I had said before just because I felt it was important. Its hard to talk about self defense because even people who take karate have different views on it. Some schools teach people to be punks and give them huge egos. Others are more grounded and teach students to make smart decisions.

It is always good to assess your own skills in a safe environment like a karate school but at the same time everyone who does train should remember that doing the moves in a lose Karate Gi is MUCH different than doing them in a real life situation wearing high heels and a tight skirt with a wig flopping around in your face! I tell my students that are still in school to go home and practice their self defense wearing a back pack full of their books... the reason is because that is how they will most likely be if they are attacked. Once you strap on those high heels and a skirt, that super high kick to the persons head is NOT going to work! If I were caught in a situation while cross-dressed I would rely mostly on hand techniques until the attacker is on or heading towards the ground and then I would incorporate the stomps and kicks since they would be low targets and easier to keep balance on the other high heel. :)

I know, I know... I'm strange! LOL But this is the kind of stuff I think about at any given time since I like to run scenarios through my head so that I am always ready to react to anything that may happen.

[bumblebee]

If you go out, anywhere, it's always safer to go with someone else.

[Sammy777]

Hi girls, just to chime in again, I think it ought to be pointed out that simply using a self-defense move to break a hold, like someone bearhugging you from behind, or something, probably isn't going to be sufficient to halt an attack.

You mean breaking their nose with the back of your head doesn't make them stop anymore????

Damn :doh: :lol2:

I guess the only thing left is: Candy gram for Mr. Mongo :lol:

[Joni Marie Cruz]

I guess the only thing left is: Candy gram for Mr. Mongo :lol:

One of my favorites, too, though I prefer to say it after the message has been delivered.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[MichelleP]

Hi Mandy,

Thank You. Great advice on your blog and from the other posts here. You are sooo right about situational awareness. That can't be stressed enough. That was drilled into me in the military. As a recent stalkee in Seattle (I really don't think the guy was out for anything more than to ridicule me) I can say that under that pressure I personally was a little freaked out by it in girl mode. I always thought under pressure my cajones would kick in (such the ones I have) - okay I was only a medic but still I was an 18-delta (you girls can look that up under Military Occupational Specialty) at Bragg (sort of) for 4 years. I figured if I got into a sitch I couldn't back away from, I'd teach some jerk what it's like to be a**-whooped by a tgirl in her Steve Madden pumps without mussing her lip gloss. Suffice to say, I now know that I prolly could pull off some testosterone-fueled beat down on any attacker en femme (prolly not in boy mode either). Could I save my life and get outta there? Yeah, that's now my plan.

I don't carry a weapon but I do scout where I'm going and such. As you said, the best thing to do is to be aware and avoid trouble.

Michelle

[AKKaren]

:tongueoutYa don't mess with ex Marines with a Walther in her purse!!