Giving up Cross Dressing

[Thalia]

I realize most all of you feel that cding is not something one can ultimately control and the urge will always return. Well, there are those of us who desperately want to leave it behind us because of the pain it has brought to our lives. The pain that far outweighs any 'pleasure' or 'enjoyment' we derived from wearing womens' clothing. Without having all of you jump all over me, condemning my decision to try to quit, does anyone know of a legitimate support group on the internet or a support group similar to AA for cross dressers who are not happy with this life style?

[Kathi Lake]

Thalia,

I sure hope that no one here would "jump all over you" for your decision. Crossdressing is simply a facet of your personality. It is not something that you can turn on or off with help of a support group - only suppress. As there are no organizations to help you, may I recommend a good therapist?

I am sorry for the pain it has caused you. In my life, it has caused pain as well - both to me and my wife. I feel that is unfortunate - mostly for the pain it has caused my wife. I don't care about the pain in my life. In my case, I feel that it has brought me so much more joy than pain, so the tradeoff is worth it.

I wish you well.

Kathi

[Marissa]

Hi Thalia, I have the same comment as Kathi in hopes that no one would 'jump all over you' about a decision you and only you can make. Some put us against walls and say its me or the highway...but in the end, it was our decision..to live with the reward or the price as of the result of that decision..

I was having a similiar conversation, some what, about whether this is what i want.. can i put it away for something that may really need or want.. or is this me.. so you definately are not alone in all this..

Be honest with yourself in respects to the pluses and minuses.. and hope for the best.. who knows, you may never want to slip a pair of hose on again.. or come to the understanding that you can't walk away from it..

goodluck on whichever decision you make..

Hugs,

[Noxvictum]

Well, dude, if you can't keep doing it, you can't. I hope everything works out for ya. As far as support groups, google. Just had to say best of luck. Sorry I don't know about the support groups.

[Andy66]

6ood luck to you, dear. ~ hope you find peace and happiness in whatever way works for you.

[Nicole Erin]

support groups - don't know of any...

What you need to realise is there are many levels of TG'ness.
On one end of the spectrum is the 100% passable stealth TS women, but one the other end are the TG who come to grips with who they are and don't feel the need to act on it. Acceptance without action I guess.

Being TG is not how you dress, it is a state of mind.

[Ralph]

Thalia, if you've seen my other posts on the subject you know I'm behind you 100% and I know you can do it. Unfortunately I can't suggest any support groups... you might need to shell out for a shrink if you need external support.

[ClaudiaDawn]

Thalia,

I hope you can find peace and hapiness on any path you decide to take. I feel your pain, crossdressing has brought me a lot of pain and confusion, but I was lucky enough to find someone who loves me unconditionally and who has helped me to learn more about myself.

I am sorry but I don't know any group like the one you are looking for, maybe as Kathi says, a good therapist could help. I wish you the best, and never forget that you deserve to be happy.

Hugs
Claudia Dawn.

[Alice B]

I think your decision to quit is just as tough as the decision to accept cross dressing for many of us. And no one is going to think any less of you. I wish you all the luck in your future life.

[Miranda09]

Best wishes Thalia. One has to do what's right for them. Remember, if you ever need anyone to talk to, we're all here for support no matter which path you choose to follow.:hugs:

[sterling12]

If you figure that we are "going to jump all over you," then you have obviously read past threads where others have made the try to quit. You also know that most of us don't believe that "truly 100% quiting" is an option. But, good luck to you. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.....just be wise and don't burn or throw all your stuff out just yet.

Answering your question, Nope...I haven't heard of any sort of support group for attempting to quit. That might mean several things: 1.) Virtually everyone has been unsuccessful so a "Support Group" that would be ongoing like AA would be superfluous. 2.) Everyone who trys to quit has no problems, so zero need for a support group. 3.) No one has started one.

On that last possibility, there might be some help for you. If YOU started a group, it might get your mind off things, might be a big help. If you do start a group, let folks around here know about it. I'm sure you would find quite a few "takers" who would be interested.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[linnea]

I think your decision to quit is just as tough as the decision to accept cross dressing for many of us. And no one is going to think any less of you. I wish you all the luck in your future life.

Best wishes.

[Angie G]

If you really want to stop dressing I wish you all the luck Thalia. If it dosen't work for you you know your always welcome here. If it dose have a good life and be happy.:hugs:
Angie

[Lisa Golightly]

Don't know of any support groups but if you have a 'true' friend on here or one IRL who knows about what you do I'm sure that would be enough for the hard days.

I wish you all the best in your journey and hope you find the happiness you seek...

Good luck babes

Lisa xxxx

[shayleetv]

Boy, after reading your post about blackmail. You should find a really, really good therapist. I can't imagine the pressure you are under. I went for nearly 30 years without dressing completely. I was a very miserable human being. If I had had someone to help me cope with the circumstance that brought my misery I might have been a better husband and father instead of the workaholic I became. I have a good relationship with my wife and children now but only after help through a good therapist. Good fortune to you and success

[Deborah Jane]

Good luck with your decision to quit Thalia, it won't be easy as you know, but I truly hope you succeed where others can't and you find the happiness you seek :)

[Rachaelb64]

Good luck, I hope you find peace with yourself what ever path you take :)

[Vicky_Scot]

All the best Thalia.

You may never put on any female attire ever again but you will always be a crossdressers.

But I am so sad to read that it has brought so much pain and hurt to you.

I will be thinking about you.

Xx Vicky xX

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Dear Thalia-

I can't even imagine anyone here or on any other site getting on you because you want to stop crossdressing. It is a burden for many and especially for spouses and family. I truly wish you the best of luck.

And I hope you won't take this wrong, but I also read the thread about your wife using your being TG to extort property from you and blackmail you with it. She sounds like a horrid person. There, I said it. I know you must love her, but no one who really cares for someone else would do what she is doing.

Once again, Thalia, the very best of luck. My heart goes out to you.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[PaulaJaneThomas]

You will fail. You will be miserable. No-one around you will care because they don't care about you, they only care about their own grubby prejudices. Have a nice time ;)

[PrettyFlowingGown]

For me, If I stopped dressing, my life would be gone, then I'd be in pain, and I'm not kidding. I'd be very unhappy. But if its what you want, go ahead. I wish you the best.

[Sally2005]

The only advice based on my own experience is this. Try to accept who you are and forget what other people think. No one can tell you what to think. It might be possible for you to be happy letting some of your feminine feelings, ideas, thoughts out as part of your male persona (without anyone knowing)...and you can feel good yourself about it knowing what you know.

If you deny who you are or what is driving you, the urge will come back even stronger in the future. I think the key is to not deny your feelings...it might be possible to do without actually dressing if you find some other outlets.

[cdoll]

I don't think I could ever quit either. I have gone for periods without dressing but always went back. Now I think this is a part of my life.

[Joanne f]

Hello Thalia,
this is a support forum for all who have or have had problems with Cd, Tg ,Ts issues, so i see that there would be no problem in supporting the ones who wish to find a way out which in some case`s may be harder than to finding a way in .
Maybe there should be a section for the "help me get out of this" ones where it might have ideas on how do help with that , ( OK so i am mad ):) and then we may find out if there is actually a way out .
The only thing i could suggest at the moment is to find something else to do when you get the urge to Cd in that way your mind will be focus on something else.

[MichelleP]

Hi Thalia,

Peace and strength to you on your quest. I would like to paraphrase Thoreau and Holmes by saying:

“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the 'girl' still in them.”

Michelle

[brenda lynn mwe]

hello im sorry to hear about the problems your haven and I agree with everyone no one should jump all over you we all know this is in our blood and me I went threw 3 wives because of my transgender and cd and now im going to do what makes me fill good and live my life but I know how you fill no one can tell u how to live your life but you and if you choose to quiet cd then that's what u want not someone else go with your fillings is going to make your desion for you I wish you the best of luck and take care and if you do quiet cd you can still come and hang out with us girls hugs
brenda lynn

[Gerard]

I wish you good luck in your efforts, I don't have any real advice. I think to some extent maybe advice that helps people stop smoking or something like that might help?

[NatalieNC]

Hi Thalia,
I know I'm new to this site, but I'm not new to cross dressing. I think the worst part of this lifestyle is the secret. The fact that we live a double life and we feel we have to hide it. It's the deceiving that causes me pain. And I have lost a loved one, whom I thought I would be with for the rest of my life. But she couldn't/wouldn't accept me for who I was. I 'came out' to her because I truly wanted, for the first time in my adult life, to live without secrets, without holding anything back. And I thought she would, at least eventually, accept me. Well, she didn't. And it broke my heart and I am left a broken man. I too, told her that I would give it up, never again dress. But even SHE knew it would only be a matter of time until I caved and went back to my old ways and desires. I was the one fooling myself.

I am sorry to hear of all your anquish, but, my friend, this is the life you chose and it is who you are. Nothing can change that. You are who you are, don't try to decieve yourself. If nothing else, be true to yourself. You have to remember that your wife thought she married a different man. Whenm you came out to her, you rocked her world, life as she knew it was now over. She is now in the circle of your lie and doesn't like it. She feels like she is living a secret. I think her threats of black mail to you is the only way she can feel she has some control of her life at all. Because right now, her life is spinning out of control. This is what my fiance' told me and I understand that now. When you came clean to her, everything changed. Her view of you as a man, a husband, a human. My ex fiance still loves me, but is no longer IN LOVE with me.

I guess I have rambled, I just wanted to say that I understand. We area ll here to support each other and get each other thru the rough spots. Hang in there, you are who you are because God made you that way, so it can't bea ll that bad...

[emmlouise]

I can sympathise with you.
When my marriage broke up my wife left me with 2 young children. When she decided that she wanted care of them, she threatened that if I did not agree she would tell everyone all about me. I didn't agree and she told everyone, other parents at the kids school, teachers, her family, my family and mutual friends. She also alleged to the court that I "might" abuse our girls and cited crossdressing as a reason I should not have custody.

It was not, although it seemed like it at the time, the end of the world. Her family supported me as did my own. Only 1 mutual friend made her disgust known. Other parents and the teachers treated me no differently and no mention was made except by one who confirmed that my personal life had been made public and so what! The courts asked for a psychiatric report, social services report and a report from the school, all of which were in my favour. I kept custody of the kids, both of whom knew about their dad. Life carried on.

Your wifes actions do not show love, they show a blatant disrespect. You only live one life, do not let these circumstances destroy it.

[JulieC]

I realize most all of you feel that cding is not something one can ultimately control and the urge will always return.

Quite true. For some people, it might seem easy to dismiss those of us who say that as we're still crossdressers, and not former crossdressers, so we're obviously biased.

Where that idea founders is that none of us know anyone...anyone...who actually successfully and permanently quit crossdressing and was able to carry on a normal life. There are scads of people in this forum who tell of the opposite. I've been in touch with many crossdressing people in the world, and the story is the same no matter who you go to.

This is the case, despite the vast majority of crossdressers trying very hard to quit. How many of us haven't purged before? Many of us have purged several times. Almost all of us have tried to quit at one point or another, and usually several times. If there was a way to quit, we would know.



Well, there are those of us who desperately want to leave it behind us because of the pain it has brought to our lives. The pain that far outweighs any 'pleasure' or 'enjoyment' we derived from wearing womens' clothing.

There are some of us who, if given the choice, would prefer to remain crossdressers. I'd venture to guess that most of us would jump at the chance to put it behind us because of all the pain it has caused us. Destroyed families. Broken relationships. Divorce. Financial destruction. You know of what I speak; you've been a victim of it yourself. Your story is not uncommon.



Without having all of you jump all over me, condemning my decision to try to quit, does anyone know of a legitimate support group on the internet or a support group similar to AA for cross dressers who are not happy with this life style?

Nobody will condemn your decision to try to quit. If anybody does, I'll be the first to condemn them for saying as much.

I do think that a decision to try to quit is far more dangerous than continuing to be you. This isn't smoking or alcohol. You will be actively repressing who you are. Keeping it up can cause depression, anger, self devaluation, and great discomfort to the people close to you. I've read of some people's lives here being utterly destroyed by the decision to try to quit. It is not a healthy path.

In a related subject; recent consensus on 'treatment' for homosexuality is to stop trying to cure it. It can't be 'cured' an they know that now. Trying to cure it leads to higher incidences of negative behavior, social problems, suicide, and more. These people who were being treated were attempting to actively suppress who they were. It failed. Research hasn't caught up with crossdressing yet, but it's very likely in the same league; a state of being that can not be 'cured'.

That said, the grass not seen is often regarded as greener than the grass you stand on. There's no way to be certain of how things will be for you unless you try. If you do try, I am with an earlier poster who said get professional help. You _will_ need it, and it's no crime or admission of weakness to ask for it.

[Tanya83]

I have tried to stop but it just made me more miserable. It doesn't go away it's not something you can just give up. It's a part of who you are. If anything, maybe some compromise within your personal life could help your long term well being.

[Alexiax]

Been there done that got the hat and the tee shirt. I do not believe it can ever be abandoned totally. Would be like leaving a part of yourself behind and going on a long trip knowing you left someone behind.

[LisaM]

Thalia.

My heart goes out to you. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

[MsJanessa]

no I've never heard of a 12 step group for crossdressers

[sherri52]

If you can give it up, go for it but I think you'll find it is part of you. As for a support groups Yahoo also has a number of groups that will try to help. I can't speak for them as I am very happy in a dress and heels and don't need thier help

[docrobbysherry]

But, maybe NOT FOR THE REASONS U THINK!:eek:

If u go to a therapist, with it in mind, that they will CURE your CDing, I think you'll be VERY DISAPPOINTED!:sad:

They only help u find out who u r, and what's REALLY important to U!:straightface:

For all we know, they may recommend CDing, for u to be happy!:)

For me, when CDing STOPS BEING FUN, I'm OUT, TOO!:brolleyes:

[Sophie Lynne]

I think a therapist can help you if you want.


I hope your life gets better! hugs!

[Samantha43]

I think it would be best to see a therapist to work out the internal conflicts you have. Maybe they will be able to help you stop completely, or at least come to terms with who you are.

I wish you the best! :hugs:

[Pocatellolass]

I'm Sorry I can offer no suggestions for specific support groups for you as you make this journey, but i wish you nothing but peace and happiness and hope whatever your ultimate decision, that you will have less pain and more joy. All the best thoughts to you...