A sad note

[Empress Lainie]

I had made online friends with an mtf when she was 18 about 2 years ago, and stayed in touch with her occasionally.

Before she was 18 she was working and on her own had paid for 2 years of hormones. The day she was 18 her rejecting parents who had never helped her kicked her out and cut off all communication.

She lived in a shelter for a while as a female. She got a fairly good job as a female at the Portland airport.

She had a boyfriend. He later dumped her. She got fired when they found out she was trans.

I thought she was getting by OK, but last night I found out that on June 7, she had killed herself.

Believe me I cried for nearly an hour. WHY are we treated so badly, its not like we choose to be trans. She was 19.

Some of you may have known her, email was furrywithtail,
her name was Sydney Glenney.
http://omgpookey.livejournal.com/
Her story is here.


I was also fired for the same reason from complaints by two people who didn't even know me for more than 30minutes,and complained I was transgendered and wearing a skirt and wig. A hater at city hall ordered me fired. I haven't worked since, 2 years, except for a month with the census bureau AS A WOMAN!

[Zenith]

Thats really sad news Lainie...:cry:

A good quote...one of my professors when i told him about the lifetime of self-hatred and shame...he put his head down and shook it..."When as a society will we learn to not punish this..."

I hope sooner rather than later...

:sad:

[KarenCDFL]

When someone is different, all bets are off.

There is an old story about some scientists who decided to see what would happen to a family of monkey's in a cage if they dyed the fur on one of them a different color.

As you might have guessed, all of the other monkey's attacked and killed the one that had its fur dyed.

To bad the human race is not much better than a cage full of monkey's.

My heart goes out to you on the loss of your friend.

[Ze]

To bad the human race is not much better than a cage full of monkey's.

Well put, Karen.

Lainie, I truly am sorry to hear about this. :( It's simply awful. It's no wonder LGBT kids have a 5x higher suicide rate than non-LGBT kids. They get all this crap thrown at them too early in life and very unfairly.

I hope she's finally found some peace.

[Jonianne]

Lainie, that is so sad. She wasn't hurting anyone. It's senseless.
I know you had a lawsuit pending for your case, any news?

[Andy66]

Oh wow, so sorry to hear that.

[TxKimberly]

:hugs: I'm so sorry Lainie - that's gotta be tough.

[SirTrey]

Unfortunately, it's not at all uncommon for transgendered/transsexual people to be kicked to the curb both by families and by society....And for what? It's no wonder the suicide rates ARE so high among our group....So sorry to hear this, Lainie....I really am.....:hugs:

[Stlalice]

It is stories like that that have some of us in the St. Louis area working on starting a non profit group to be called Trans Haven - a network for trans folk in the St. Louis area in crisis to turn to when all else fails. Perhaps the idea can be taken up by some in other metro areas and maybe a life will saved. Meantime I'll just continue to do what I can on my own. Lainie, you have my sympathy - I know all too well what its like to loose someone who could have and should have been helped. :hugs:

[Samantha B L]

I'm not Trans,I'm CD. But I think it's great that Sydney is being eulogized in this forum. It's all very sad.

[Shelly Preston]

Its sad to hear about Sydney may she rest in peace :rose2:

[sherri52]

Lainne I'm sorry to hear of your friend Sydney. It's a shame that we are treated in this manner. Over the last ##years I have noticed more people coming out and more people excepting, mostly gg's excepting. Unfortunately the process has been slow in excepting.

[Joan Merrie]

That's so sad, to here, I wish people would realize we aren't hurting anyone we are just trying to live our lives. Lannie you have my condolences and my prayers. as I'm thousands of miles from you, all I can do is give you a GREAT BIG cyber :hugs:. Let's all keep Syndey in our thoughts, And remember her all ways.:hugs::love:

[gretchen2]

I am sorry for her loss. People are cruel.

[Scotty]

This is sad, haven't seen anything on the news, usually Seattle news is TG friendly.

RIP, and this is why a lot of us will never transition but she was brave!!

[jennifer easton]

Lainne I to am sadden to hear of your loss, this hurts my heart, she was just living her life, it saddens me also that her parents, were so unaccepting.they are to blame hear, just one encouraging word and this whole tragedy would have been avoided, so damn un excusable! Jennifer

[Empress Lainie]

Thank you all for your condolences. I will always remember her, and I have some pics of her. I cried again when I read your responses.

My suit according to EEOC wont be filed for 2 to 4 years, "they don't have the manpower to do it faster" even though my case was supposedly accelerated I was told.

I have lived on my credit which was $200,000 available when it happened, but in the last six months with the banks who benefited from the bailouts started turning their greed up to lower credit limits and raise interest rates to ridiculous levels, I am going to have give up. My response is to quit paying themn until they give me a job themselves or I get one somewhere else. I don't think my being trans is an issue, since few know and I am always accepted as female, but MY AGE IS THE FACTOR I BELIEVE that has kept me unemployed.

I would love to teach music again but the city that fired me has also blocked the community schools from hiring new people and has cut the hours of the people working to 19 per week. They have also instituted a program guaranteed to make the community schools lose money so they can use that as an excuse to close them. The only allow programs to be run for six weeks on then two weeks off. Meanwhile the fulltime employees (not subject to the 19hrs) are sitting there with nothing to do except pretend to work.

Trying to get new students with the economy like it is seems hopeless.

Thanks for asking though, Jonianne.

I will make sure that Sydney is included in our day of remembrance service in November. Her parents attitudes were dictated by "religion."

[Nicole_P]

So sorry to hear your sad news Lainie- Who knows why people act the way they do against us....:hugs:

Nicole

[Heatherx75]

That's terrible news, Lanie.

[Sally2005]

That is very sad news. I don't know about your case, but maybe you should attempt mediation and have your lawyer attempt to settle out of court. You may be surprised how fast your ex-employer responds with an offer that gets you on your feet again.

[Empress Lainie]

This is sad, haven't seen anything on the news, usually Seattle news is TG friendly.

RIP, and this is why a lot of us will never transition but she was brave!!

My error, she was in Portland. I just finished reading her livejournal which is linked on my first post.

These are two pics I had of her and also on her websites.

[Marissa]

Lainie, even though my heart goes out to you in losing someone that was a part of your life.. I just have to say that its not a glbt issue, when it comes to taking your own life or being treated ill mannered..

in reference to the monkey with the dyed hair.. that can be anyone at anytime with a different personality than those around.. getting singled out..and ridiculed..or worse..

our society speaks of taking care of many..but sometimes forgets the few..

may those who feel trapped without a place to turn.. take a moment to look into the eyes of those who care..and take the hand that reaches out to them.. so a precious treasure is not lost..

Hugs,

[MJ]

I'm so sorry Lainie..my heart goes out to you and all who knew her :love:

[kimkat]

I am so sorry to hear about such a tragedy. People should feel ashamed of themselves for making another person feel so bad about themselves that they would end their own life. Perhaps one day, society will "grow up" and learn to accept people for who they are and not what they are expected to be.

May she rest peacefully now.

:cry:

[~Emma D~]

Please accept my condolences , it is always so sad to see such a young life wasted, irrespective of the problems they may have.

To my mind, it brings into perspective, the need for users of this forum to get on with one another, regardless of the differences they may have - with the intolerances in this world as they are, WE need and must stand together.

[Carla T.]

I am so sorry to hear about such a tragedy. People should feel ashamed of themselves for making another person feel so bad about themselves that they would end their own life. Perhaps one day, society will "grow up" and learn to accept people for who they are and not what they are expected to be.

May she rest peacefully now.

:cry:


One should never pass up the chance to make another person feel good, it hardly costs anything either :love:

This was my first post on here :)

Carla T.
(Norway)

[Empress Lainie]

Today I listened to the MP3 of her memorial service where her parents and the pastors disrespected her by calling her HE HIM AND SON. They did at least use her female name for the rest of the service after mentioning she changed her name, but no mention of why. Her father was a pastor and has fundy ideas.

Her friends put up a slide show online on youtube for her. You can see them by googling Sydney Glenney. That was a great thing for them to do and worth more than the self serving memorial service. They are even using her name to make money for their church with claiming she started the foundation. Their hypocrisy knows no bounds.

[Poetic Awakening]

I'm so sorry. This is a very sad thing, but at least her friends are doing what they can.

Poetic

[Melissa A.]

[SIZE=4][COLOR=purple][B]Lainie, even though my heart goes out to you in losing someone that was a part of your life.. I just have to say that its not a glbt issue, when it comes to taking your own life or being treated ill mannered..

Well, yeah, actually-Suicide, deppresion, poverty, homelessnes, murder, assault, joblessness, harrassment-these are ALL LGBT issues and are certainly trans issues. They may not be exclusive to trans people, but until our world changes signifigantly, they will be trans issues.

I'm sorry, Lainie. I am So sorry you lost a friend. I started, then couldn't stop crying while I read her journal. A young, beautiful mind, unafraid to feel, think and express herself. Gone because she couldn't cope with all our culture dumps on us and with the treatment she recieved from others. I can't tell you how sad and angry this makes me at the same time. There are going to be plenty who will read her story, or even knew her, and will think of her as "confused". She was not! We need to stand up for those who are gone and say, "She KNEW who SHE was!" It wasn't her who had gender "issues". It's those who look at us with fear and mistrust because we expose their gender issues for what they are-fear, ignorance and maybe the idea that they may not know fully who they are.

Sydney tried to be herself, tried to tell us who she was. She tried to live, and didnt make it. And it was so unecessary. So preventable. I didnt know her, but I will mourn her. This makes me so unbelievabley sad. I'm sorry again for your loss, Lainie.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[LisaM]

Lainie,

What a tragic story. I can only pray that fewer people will choose that path as more of us come out into the open.

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

It is so terrible that people treat one another so badly that it drives one to take their own life. We may never know the reason's she took her life but we can hope and pray she is in a better place. My thoughts are with you.. Kimberly Marie Kelly :battingeyelashes:

[denise413]

That is extremely sad. I could be wrong here but it does seem like the biggest problem trans people have is with their own families. That is at least according to my own observation with the other trans people I know. Very few of them even speak to their own mothers and fathers except on rare occasions if at all. Even my own family doesn't give me the acceptance I would like but of course isn't outright bigoted against the issue. Education is the key to getting more people out there to understand these issues. I personally have a pet peeve with families in general. Even a huge majority of non-trans people I know don't get along with their families either because everyone is so selfish. These so-called mothers and fathers who don't even deserve the title reject their kid for being trans (or whatever) because that kid isn't living up to the parents' image of them. I'm sorry but if the only reason you have a kid is to make them just like you, you have no business having them. Clearly something is wrong with the family unit in America or we wouldn't read daily in the newspaper about someone killing their entire family either. I feel for all of the other trans people out there going through similar things but there isn't much we can do other than supporting those who we are aware of and trying to educate the society at large.

[shesadvl]

Lainie, even though my heart goes out to you in losing someone that was a part of your life.. I just have to say that its not a glbt issue, when it comes to taking your own life or being treated ill mannered..

in reference to the monkey with the dyed hair.. that can be anyone at anytime with a different personality than those around.. getting singled out..and ridiculed..or worse..

our society speaks of taking care of many..but sometimes forgets the few..

may those who feel trapped without a place to turn.. take a moment to look into the eyes of those who care..and take the hand that reaches out to them.. so a precious treasure is not lost..

Hugs,


well said mscassey, Lainie I am sorry you lost your friend, shame she couldnt reach out further to you perhaps this couldve been avoided, in our work Clayfish and I have come across young people in the 15-29 age group who are most likely to take their lives, as we did a study on this...upon encountering friends of ayoung girl who took her life because of a relationship breakup., she was only 16.

The other I had a transgendered friend (brother of a girlfriend of mine) whom I was very close to a long time ago....I understand the family not dealing with her being transgendered, but this girl had gone all the way through to transition with the love and support of his/her family, myself and a lot of other friends, only for bugsy to take her life, no matter how much we all supported and talked to her the counselling, etc she just couldnt see what the possibilities could be for her.

All im saying is good for you for befriending her for the two years you knew her... I think its time that those of us that can do is start educating society, much more that the Transgendered society do exist, if society has accepted, in a lot of places perhaps not in some, civil union same sex marriages, and the gay community, perhaps its time for us whether we are GG's or from the GLBT community, its time tos tand as one where as maybe these things will not happen.

In my own reasoning as why people take their lives, the compassion is,.. to understand that even though they took their life, that decision that they made they could not see that there is help & are ways to overcome where ever they may be with the right help , friendship that can be given.
Also on this subject there are those that we dont know about who have tried, not succeeded but remain isolated and in care.
This is another part of society that also needs shaking up... to wake up take notice of also.:battingeyelashes:

EDIT: I am also aware there are many on this forum that do work in society in the different places, trying to educate them,...no matter where in the world that Transgendered realm maybe,
I applaude them for their tireless efforts....:battingeyelashes:

"its not all about what color panties or whatever you are wearing....." its how you are accepted as a transgendered person.

To me acceptance of a person is as who they are,..not how they are., or however they may dress.
hence a saying I have... "Be who you are not whom or what someone else wishes you to be".

[Wendi {LI NY}]

Why are people so cruel to other people .I will never understand that ..
SO<SO sorry for your lost and another teen is gone. Wendi

[Teri Jean]

Lainne, I'm so sorry for this news and may she rest in peace. Mankind is so cruel.

Huggs and tears. Teri

[Empress Lainie]

Thank you all so much for your support. She will be remembered also on our day of remembrance here in Las Vegas.

[Starling]

We will remember Sydney Glenney. With you in spirit, Lainie.

Lallie

[TNLadiGG]

I am so very sorry for your loss. It's very unfortunate how society treats anyone that steps outside the boundaries of what it considers "normal." Not only CDs or TGs but everyone that chooses to express themselves in a manner that doesn't fit the cookie cutter model of humanity. There is a vast improvement on acceptance of gays and lesbians over what it was 20 years ago but that's because some brave souls stood up to the ridicule and got their point across. In the case of TGs and CDs, it becomes a bit harder to publicly stand up for what you believe in because often you hide that part of your life from your loved ones, your family. If the people that you love most in life don't know about that part of you, then publicly speaking out for CD and TG rights/acceptance becomes next to impossible.

I don't know what the solution is, but the education of society would be a tremendous help preventing tragedies like this from happening.

[Gerard]

It's so sad to hear stories where people saw that as their only way out.

My condolences to you and any of her friends too.

[Beth-Lock]

My condolences, Lainie, on your loss of a friend, Sydney. This is so sad. I don't know much about her parents, but obviously they sinned, no matter how they justified their treatment of her. I have had much more positive experiences with my church.
I am also saddened to hear that you are not working. My working life was rather spotty, but my parents always stood behind me, and now I am retired, and getting along okay.
Take care. I hope your situation changes for the better soon. We are rooting for you.

[anniefriday13]

It is with great sadness that I just found out that another of our sisters took her life because of the habismal way she was treated. This is utterly unacceptable in this day and age. For a beautiful young girl, with her whole life ahead of her, this is unconscionable. What kind of world do we live in when some young, pretty girl loses all hope of a normal life. Unfortunately, it is a sad fact of our condition that makes us especially vulnerable to depression and suicide. This must change. The first thing we need is an understanding medical profession who is willing to let girls like us start hormones early enough to avoid such tragedies, and of course the testosterone poisoning that causes it. I myself lost all my "friends", family, career, and fiancee in order to be happy as a woman. This must stop. Hasn't there been enough loss?

[Saika]

I'm speechless :sad:

Sorry to hear Lainie.

[Trisha Hairingtan]

Lainne I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Kerry Larami]

That is terrible, My heartfelt condolences to you.

[Jessinthesprings]

Today I listened to the MP3 of her memorial service where her parents and the pastors disrespected her by calling her HE HIM AND SON....

While this bit about the family using him and he and useing her death to raise money makes me upset and a bit angry it is not at all surprising. With that being said, a funeral is for the family not the passed, so perhaps one could give the parents a pass there if it helps them cope. Still wrong though.

[Suzy Harrison]

I'm teary eyed after reading that. We take a massive risk when we transition - literally risking our lives.

This is so sad and such a waste of life due to the unfairness of other people.

I am so, so sorry.

[Beth-Lock]

I have trouble with MPG format on my computer, so I took advantage of the computer at the car undercoating place when I was waiting for my car, to listen to at least part of the funeral tape.
I suspect that Pookey was getting hard to live with due to psychological problems which culminated with her suicide. Despite the hard words I used earlier, my heart does go out to her parents. I had a friend whose son was having problems, and he consulted the best psychiatrist, a university professor, that he could find and he told him to kick him out. This turned out to be a big mistake, for his son was found on the other side of the country, reduced to eating out of garbage pails, sicker than ever. Turns out he had bipolar disorder. At this point his parents took him back in, and kept him at home for the rest of his (tragic) life, which they should have done in the first place. So it is a hard judgment call to make. It is too bad her parent made the wrong call with their Pookey.
The matter of religious conservatism is another thing. I do think we are called to become better people, especially as we understand things better in life, and the same goes for religions. A static religion is not obeying God's call to improve. Anyway, that is my two cents worth.

[Stephanie Heplby]

Sorry to come to this thread so late, but I just wanted to add my condolences. I am profoundly sad to read her very public and very obvious suicide note and think that there was no one reading it before June 7th. The sadness and loneliness of one is a detriment to all.

RIP Sydney.

[Chanicle]

Here to pay my respects...

I donno whether to feel sad or just angry. I haven't felt so strongly and emotionally about anything for the longest time like I do now...
Let us just hope this will be the last casualty in an unnecessary war...

[denise413]

Excuse me for being blunt but a lot of today's parents in my opinion are literally human garbage. They want respect, they want their kids to respect them, and they want their kids to turn out in their image. Respect is not something that should be automatic but something that is earned. If you are not worthy of respect, you should only receive contempt. Trans people have such a tough time mainly because other people in society don't operate with basic virtues and especially parents. Basic virtues that would qualify a person as being human and not garbage include empathy for how others feel, attempting to learn and grow throughout life by educating oneself on things they are not familiar with, judging people based on their character and not by stereotypes, and supporting the right for people to live out their own chosen life in the pursuit of happiness as they see fit.

Unfortunately, today's parents don't have these values. Instead, they utilize the vices of greed, sloth, gluttony, and ignorance. The only real purpose for them having kids is show themselves off to society as having "family" status and eventually having their kids be big money makers to reflect good on the family. Gee, I guess a trans kid who needs love and support doesn't fit that family mold so let's kill him/her directly or indirectly.

I know lots of trans people and some who go through a tough time. God forbid, should any of them lose their lives (suicide or otherwise) and I come to find out their family did not respect them, I will be picketing the parents at their funeral. People need to start standing up to this crap.

[ReineD]

My God, Lainie ... I can't stop crying. I wish I could have been there to hug her, to tell her it would all be OK. What a sweet child she was. What a brave spirit. And so innocent.

How could her parents kick her out?

I am so, so sorry. I'm angry.


... Edit

Sydney was beautiful (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCpcnO2EoqI). She had a flickr photostream, a myspace and a facebook page. She played guitar. She was an artist. She loved the Beatles.

[Jenny Chen]

This is just too cruel! If only some one have reach out a helping hand, anything! This just makes me depressed and lose even more faith in humanity. Evolution have proved it that at one time or another a specie will fail and become extinct, at this rate, we will sooner wipe each other out due to discrimination than the coming of the second ice age.

Also this scares me deeply, for i am too just starting my transition. i just hope my mom understands.............

[gemsay32]

"We must strive to give others the benefit of the doubt, to speak kindly to them and about them, and to try and not force others to believe as we believe."

In my physics book there's a chapter on light and lenses. I think that was the chapter. Anyway, it showed a picture that was supposed to be light on one side and dark on the other. Even though the color is the same our brain sees it as two different colors. There was a comment that suggested that this kind of phenomena can be seen in society as well.

There's a strong urge in each person to be like others and to follow authority or commonly accepted beliefs/values/etc. This is true even for a transgender person. However, not everyone is equally good at being like others. The urge can be so strong and innate that it can compel us to kill in the name of rightness. Google the milgram experiment. Milgram summarized it by saying, "Ordinary people, simply doing their jobs, and without any particular hostility on their part, can become agents in a terrible destructive process. Moreover, even when the destructive effects of their work become patently clear, and they are asked to carry out actions incompatible with fundamental standards of morality, relatively few people have the resources needed to resist authority."

[StarrOfDelite]

I am sorry for the circumstances which made your friend think that her best option was suicide. The loss of a young life is always a tragedy.

I'm writing specifically about your comment that she was fired from her job for being transgendered M2F. As a disclaimer, I know nothing about the laws in Portland or the state of Oregon, but most states now have laws which protect against discrimination on the basis of sex, and in several states those have been interpreted by the courts to protect the transgendered. If your friend was working at an airport, or for a company which had a contract with the airport, I suspect that there were many state and federal EEOC/Civil Rights rules which would have protected her. However, having said that, I wonder if she got caught by an issue which lawyers run into frequently when trying to deal with job discrimination or illegal discharge cases. Truthfulness. Almost every job application has a Caveat on it about telling the truth, and warning that false statements will be grounds for discharge. If a genetic male represents his sex as female on the application that is grounds for discharge and the equal protection laws probably won't help.

The real problem is societal attitudes towards transgender issues, which make people feel like they have to lie about their inner nature in order to appease the mass prejudices.

The bottom line, however, is don't lie because that is like building the gallows for the hangman if and when a person is outed.

Second disclaimer, I have no concept about what can be done to legally change one's gender status in any state, with or without reassignment surgery. For a person who is eligible for legal aid due to income level, I think that at least the information about how to do a status change might be available from the local legal assistance office, if not the actual paperwork necessary to accomplish the change.

[Dana Lane]

Reading something like this just tears your heart right out of your chest. So sad.


My God, Lainie ... I can't stop crying. I wish I could have been there to hug her, to tell her it would all be OK. What a sweet child she was. What a brave spirit. And so innocent.

How could her parents kick her out?

I am so, so sorry. I'm angry.


... Edit

Sydney was beautiful (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCpcnO2EoqI). She had a flickr photostream, a myspace and a facebook page. She played guitar. She was an artist. She loved the Beatles.

Here is a link to her facebook page.

http://www.myspace.com/the_mad_mad_dr_pookey

[Ingrid1999]

My God what a tragedy.
I watched her youtube tribute and it is clear that the world lost a special and unique person in Sydney. From looking at her life in pictures you can see she was full of love and and promise, I fear that she must have had her heart deeply broken.

Though I never met Sydney, I will never forget her.
Love and Peace

[carrie-ann]

Sorry to hear that I've heard and known some that went that way. It's too bad when that happens.

[Empress Lainie]

Again I thank all of you for your condolences and contributions here.

I still cry when I think about her and what a good person she was and would have become.

I did get a job, I am a change girl, minimum wage, but still trying for the professional level jobs I am qualified for.

I have my own little minicasino from 10pm to 6am with two nights a week off unless they offer me an extra shift at OT.
I actually had two this pay period.

Answering another query on here: some states wont let your change your gender on birth certificates even with SRS.
Others will if you have SRS and a letter from the doctor.
I personally haven 't heard of any that will let you change it for a pre- op.