TG and counseling

[erin_nicole0112]

Hi all. I have been a member for some time but have rarely posted. I have admired all of you and especially those of you who have been so courageous to let yourselves live as you feel. I have not had that courage and have suffered for years now. I have felt since my early youth, as many have, that a mistake was made and I should have been born female. Having been all but caught red handed as a youth by family members, I suppressed my urges and fought to be as masculine as possible. Weight lifting, sports, etc. filled my time. Occasionally I would give in to the urges and dress, but would feel guilty and have many times purged. Due to my trying to display a masculine image with the weightlifting and all I have felt that it would be virtually impossible to see a feminine form in the mirror. I have had many failed relationships with females. I know now that the attraction I saw in them was really my wanting to be like them. Sex was only possible if I imagined I were them. Not fair to them or to me. I'm almost 39 and am I a point now where I feel I have to choose a path. I can continue to live the lie in solitude or I can give Erin the chance. Dressing does not do it for me. It's much deeper. Is there anyone within the group in a similar position. I have been close to calling a counselor, as close as entering the number but not dialing. I know to follow my heart will effect so many people. I guess the question is, is it worth the risk of alienating friends, family and coworkers? Should I trudge on with the misery I have or take the chance on finding my true self and potential happiness? I am in North Carolina and am open for any advice. Please understand this post has been written off the cuff but it comes from the heart.

[ms.querade]

Dear Erin,

Although I have never gone to a counselor for crossdressing/transsexualism, I have gone to a psychologist and a psychiatrist to talk about depression and other mental health. Also, my sister is a psychologist. I can say without a doubt that a counselor cannot reveal any information to anyone, friends or family, without your consent, unless you express intentions to hurt yourself or others. Therefore, since it seems that you are really bothered by your current situation, I recommend you to go to a counselor privately to talk about your gender dysphoria. This way, you don't have to quite alienate yourself from your friends and family and can still talk to someone who can help guide you in the right direction. From my experience with counselors, talking to someone else, especially a professional, can help you a lot. Also, sometimes, just hearing yourself talk and answer simple questions can help you understand more about yourself. You might discover something about yourself that will allow you to make a good decision about whether you want to transition or not.

[cjflgirl]

I totally undrstand what you are going through. I started with crossdressing but as I have gotten older my feelings have grown to more than just that. I am at the point in my life where I long to be feminine. I look at woman to see what they are wearing and I think how nice it would be to have large breasts. I recently started seeing a counseler and she told me to make a list of the pros and cons of going through SRS. I made the list and I found that there were only two cons that were stopping me from starting today. One is my wonderful wife and the other is my job. With the current economic climate if I was to start the change I lose my job. In order to be a surgical canidate you have to live as a woman for a year, and my job would not permit me to do so. So for now I live as a woman trapped in a man's body.

[Misty is Kindafem]

I have had many failed relationships with females. I know now that the attraction I saw in them was really my wanting to be like them. Sex was only possible if I imagined I were them. Not fair to them or to me. I'm almost 39 and am I a point now where I feel I have to choose a path. I can continue to live the lie in solitude or I can give Erin the chance. Dressing does not do it for me. It's much deeper. Is there anyone within the group in a similar position.

I hear you sister. Same story over here and I feel like I need to tell you that it's okay to feel what you're feeling and to give yourself permission to feel it honestly.

I was at a crossroads just a few months ago and I recognized that intersection as a place I'd been to many times and only recently did I choose the right path. Give Erin the chance honey. Give her some air and light. Let her live.

Giving Erin a voice does not mean the end of life as you know it though. Finding this site opened my eyes to the simple fact that your life as it is can slowly fade into the background as Erin's new life blooms.

I am not yet nor may ever be out at work or to my family. But to my roommate/ex girlfriend and to all of my new friends I'm O.U.T. as a gay tranny.

A select few of my old friends know by now and 100% of my new friends and it's a wonderful thing. I've even been out in public during the day and each step brings me closer to the girl inside me that needs to be in charge.

Will I ever be out professionally? Will I ever transition? Will I ever have a husband? I have no idea but the life I have now would have been unthinkable just a few weeks ago.

Start by building a new circle of friends. The nuclear option (nuclear family that is) does not have to be on the table to be deliriously happy for awhile at least. Then little by little you make new decisions with a whole new set of tools.

Hang in there baby.

-Misty