Soul searching

[Laciegurl]

I don't really know how to start this out. I have been doing some serious soul searching in the past few months. Reading articles and asking questions to myself as well as family, mainly my wife. I started this searching when I noticed that I didn't want to remove my breast forms or take off my wig and pretty much everything that makes me Lacie. I've been looking more and more into the options of surgery and hormones. The pros and cons of both and the prices it will cost. It will need to be budgeted out and will take some time, but I am feeling that I am ready to start a change. I am just tired of the fake personna of going out in the world as a guy and acting macho and tough, when all I want to do is take a nice bath put on something frilly and pretty and be Lacie. This is a confusing time for me as I feel my body telling me that it feels more like a woman now than ever. I'm not making any rash decisions and running off to Thailand for surgery or anything like that. I see a fork in the road and am educating myself to see which road I should take.

[Andy66]

Good luck to you, dear. I hope you have a good, supportive family who will help you do the right thing.

[Karen564]

It's a very tough spot to be in, since you are married....

Which ever road you choose at the fork will require a sacrifice of some sort, so it depends on what your willing to give up in order to go down either road.
Do you love your wife??, are you willing to give her up?? Not many spouses in this world can deal with this for obvious reasons.. I dont know how she feels about it, so I cant say..

I hope your already seeing a therapist specializing in GID by now, if not, I would strongly suggest that you do that before you make any decision, because whatever you decide to do not only affects your life, but also your wife's life too..
So it's definitely nothing to take lightly..:straightface:

[Joan Merrie]

As Karen said, a good qualified, therapist is a must. Get ready to possibly lose family, friends, and may be even your job. This is a long hard road, we're all here for support.:hugs::love:

[erin_nicole0112]

I too find myself at the same crossroad in life. Good luck with the tough decisions ahead and know that there are others here for support.

[Midnight Skye]

Hi Lacie, I'm going through the same muck right now. I also am married (with two step children). And its emotionally messy and taxing. As the other girls said, see a therapist and talk to your wife. Mine didn't like what she heard, but didn't want to leave out the door either. Tell her what you want and don't want. I for instance am not interested in any surgery, but would like to start HRT soon (blushes... I think).

I'm currently looking for a therapist on my "in-network" but none which are flagged to deal with transgendered issues have websites (grrrrr). There are some therapist's who have websites and openly claim to deal with our exact set of unique issues... but I'm going to have to call my provider to see on how it would be covered. The joys of our ever complicated lives.

[AllisonR]

Hello Lacie, good luck to you, dear, and as was also noted, we are here to support you and offer advice, or heck, just a place to scream, cry, vent and know that you are loved. Whatever you do decide, Lacie, your wife and family will have to go through it, too. Either way, either decision. If you do decide to be Lacie full-time with surgery/hormones, etc., remember, there is still the "real world" still waiting out there. You, all of us, are still in this 'real world' dealing with bills, jobs, relationships, housecleaning, etc., and it won't go away just because you transform into Lacie, full or part-time. Once more, Lacie, all your 'sisters' here wish you good luck. Research, talk it out with your wife, and make a choice on which road to take. Whichever road you take, it ain't easy but you will be the one walking it. Go towards the light, Lacie, be happy!

[Sara82]

Hi Lacie, I understand how you feel girl. Even though I've only recently come out to my GF about my desire to CD and explore my feminine side, as its been lurking in me for so long. I feel like now that I've let it out, there is so much in my life that I wish I would have done differently now. Like you said, I also hate the fact that I have to put up a facade when I'm out in the world as a guy. I feel like trying to be the strong dominant alpha male, has brought me nothing but stress and anxiety.

[Steph2003]

Hi Lacie -

You're going through a very emotional time and as the other girls have said, you really need to seek out a good gender therapist to help you sort things out.

A therapist will help you make the right decisions at the right times and you won't feel so alone as you start your journey.

Good Luck!

[~Emma D~]

Hi Lacie,
I know exactly where you are at this time.
However, I am probably not the right person to offer advice, as I am still seeking a way forward myself, although I have made a conscious decision to see a therapist.

I think that is a step you should also take as others have suggested.

Over the years, I have reached my own crossroads many times, the most recent being 4 years ago, when my wife became aware of the other me. Then as I have always done. I put the needs of my family before the needs of myself - whilst I do not regret it, it is becoming harder as time goes by.

The inner turmoil never ceases for me - as I write this I can hear my 11 year old playing - how can I be so selfish and ever hurt him.

Please, don't let yourself, get to the point where I am.

The road that you take now does not have to be the final road you take, just part of the journey of life - it is up to you where you go now.


Good luck

:hugs:

[Melissa A.]

Good luck, Lacie. get some help, as others have said. We're here whenever you need to express your feelings. I really hope things go well, eventually.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[Patricia1]

Well, as you can tell Lacie, there's lots of support here, sound advice and deep-seeded empathy. There's also a lot of confusion, anxiety and doubt. You are the only one who can know for sure what you want. Your needs do not occur in a vacuum, as has been noted, but they are what drive you forward. Good luck with sorting it all out. Let us know how things progress with you.

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

Find the best Gender therapist you can find, try to find other TS's in your area who could possibly make recommendations. Try looking at major University Hospitals for recommendations. And good luck, make your decisions well. Include your Wife in the decision making process, if this is what you truly desire you may need to allow your wife to leave. Kimberly Marie Kelly :battingeyelashes:

[Laciegurl]

One thing, I no fear of my wife leaving me over this. Truly she is a supportive woman. Talks after talks have pursued before this post came to realization. With out her so far I wouldn't be here. I totally want to do this and make my decision with the utmost education and communication I can. Like it has been said this does effect alot more people than me. This truly is a time not to think about yourself. Thank you all for y'alls comments.

[sherri52]

Being married; you have some deep searching to do.