confidence

[slamddoger]

so how dose one gane confidence in there salf go out as a women. and how one get to the pont that thay feel confident to pass as a women

[Vicky_Scot]

Experience. With getting out there and doing it.

Xx Vicky xX

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi SD-

What Vicky said. To gain confidence in anything, you actually have to do it. You can join a forum about riding bicycles, read all sorts of books about bicycles, look at pictures of people riding them, actually purchase a bicycle and learn all the parts, even watch someone ride their bike. Watch them go around in circles, do figure 8's, watch them ring the bell and do hand signals, all that. But eventually you have to get on the bike and ride it yourself, and fall off and get bruised and get back on...or maybe decide you really don't want to ride a bike. But you have to just do it sometime, no one else can give that to you, you have to get it yourself.

Good luck, girl. Oh, and it ain't that hard. It just seems like it.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[noeleena]

Hi...
How does a baby crawl .. walk .. run ..climb..
well . the baby looks then try.s ....You have to do it your self confindence comes with trying & keep on trying till you can do it . we all need help . so ask & do it . i learnt to fly a plane . well really the plane did that i just got to get the eng to go & pull ((props )). us through the air . plus all the other bits to keep us up there . i had to learn how to work it . when i went up by my self i had to put every thing i had learned in to how do i do this . i did ... its the same being a woman . i know in my self who i was . yet i had to learn how to be that woman . yes some things were there just not every thing . did i get it right all the time . no . i messed up . so i.d try again till i got it right . confidence comes with practice. & yes lots of ........we can tell you & show you .only ...you ...can do it . some times you have to trust your self .
...noeleena...

[Sarah V]

Practice, Practice, and more practice. Start learining as much as youcan from as many sources as possible. Watch and learn the best traits from what the other regular GG's do while they and you are out in normal every day life. Good luck

[Suzy Harrison]

To get confidence you need experience

To get experience you need bravery.

Even the most accomplished out and about member on this forum was pretty scared the first few times they went out. It isn't easy for anyone.

The one best thing that I can suggest is the support of a GG. She can help and advise you.

Good luck - but don't worry as it is very 'doable' as lots of us are already out there

:hugs: Suzy

[Keyanna]

just like learning to ride a bicycle, practice, practice and more practice, pretty soon u can ride without holding onto the handle bar ... :hugs:

[Carole Cross]

A year ago I was too scared to go out, mainly due to fear of not passing and fear of ribicule by members of the public. My first night out was last new year's eve and I was very nervous but I knew I had to do it.

When I did get out I was very surprised to find that most people did not seem to notice me. I still do not pass very well due to my build but I am fairly confident about going out now, I am almost full time outside of work. It just takes time to gain confidence but you have to be brave the first few times.

It may help if you find a local TG aupport group and go to one of their meetings. Another option is to find a GG freind who will be willing to help. Also, try to dress conservatively so you do not stand out.

[Chrissie P]

Yep, experience. Just be yourself, mind your own business and don't stick out in the crowd. If you are going to get gas wear jeans or slacks instead of a 16" miniskirt and 4" heels.

[Nicole Brown]

Confidence is something gained by actually doing something time and again. Just venture out as your fem self and enjoy the pleasure that it brings.

To begin, don't dress too provocatively and don't try to draw attention to yourself. Personally, I very rarely go out in anything but a dress or skirt and blouse and 3" heels, except of course when I visit the outlet centers on Saturday or Sunday mornings. These visits call for a pair of slacks and flats.

Begin to carefully look at what woman are wearing and how they are dressed at different places and at different times of the day. Use this as a guide to what you wear and you will fit in more easily. As you experience more successful trips your confidence will grow.

Nicole

[flic]

I wish i could say for certain,,but then that would mean that i knew,,,and i won't pretend to! I think it's all just such an organic and individual process that one day you'll be at that point of confidence with little idea of what has changed. Until then,,,i'd echo what others say, practice, and get yourself out there, and hold your head up high. And don't forget to be happy!!
x flic x

[JennyS.]

Been out many times... Still get nervous. But, once you're out and you've had a couple of good experiences, you want more. Why do you think people play one of the hardest sports there is? Golf... In my opinion. But, if you play and you are normally not very good. But, in that last round you hit an amazing shot. Keeps you coming back, doesn't it? Same with CD'ing... The more practice you get, the better you will be.

Does that analogy work?

[Shikyo]

The more you go out the more confident you will become. First time is always going to be so nerve wrecking to you no matter what you do. Second time will be more easier etc. Rarely anything happens when you go outside and are dressed as a girl. Most people won't care but you think that everyone sees through even though in reality they don't. With more times outside you slowly learn to realize this. Sometimes people will give you longer looks but not because they read you but because they like the way you look.

Start slowly and you will soon learn to realize that you've gained more confidence through little trips outside. Every time you go out again you want to do more and more. Just be yourself and enjoy yourself and you shouldn't have any hard time outside. Practice makes you perfect, nyaa.

[Chrissie P]

Stick to safe situations too. In the beginning if you know you have an "out" you will be more relaxed. Get gas, drive thru the ATM, that kind of stuff. Don't go to a bar first time out... LOL !!

As you gain confidence you will want to do more.

Above all, enjoy it !

[Emma England]

Well, everyone is saying experience which is true, but what about the first time?

To gain confidence for the first try, I feel the most important is self acceptance.
You have the right to wear whatever clothes and makeup you feel like because that is who you are.

Practise at home, and keep checking the mirror.

Eventually your own home is too small. The world needs to see your beauty.
It is frustrating being nicely dressed but stuck in at home on your own.

To get out the door - yes bravery is needed.
Think about the main benefit though, which is freedom.

You are free to choose for yourself, rather than let others dictate to you what your appearance should look like.

[Miranda09]

Also, if there are TG groups in your area that often meet and have a girls night out, join them. It's much safer to go out in a group, and they'll likely know the best places to frequent.

[BettyCooper]

After admitting that I am certainly no expert, because, except for very brief interludes (usually trying to get to or from) all of my experience in going out is with other gurls or, at least, in a group of gurls in the midst of others, I would venture this:
I believe that everyone can achieve a level of feminine deportment, and can learn to dress appropriately for the circumstances in which they wish to pass. After that, some have the build and features that will allow them to truly pass. Others, and I count myself among them, will never truly pass without surgery.
That being said, I feel that each person has to ask what they really want: Is their goal to circulate among others without anyone realizing that they are a biological male, dressed as a female? Or is their goal to have social interaction without appearing to be a joke, or monstrosity.
Spending time with other *t girls makes me very happy; I am able to be who I am with people who accept me. It is funny because I love talking with other gurls about all the other things that interest me just as much as I enjoy talking about femme things.
Certainly, I feel confident about going out as a woman with them.
As regards mixing with regular folk, from my side, I am confident; i.e., I certainly accept myself for who I am. But I realize that, because they will eventually see me as a man in a dress, I am in their face in a way that I really do understand is disturbing for most, intolerable for some, and acceptable to only the very few. Therefore I choose my encounters with the wider world carefully, taking into account local culture and mores, and if I decide to go out, I feel confident because I have made a considered and intelligent decision about what will or will not fly in the particular situation.
I apologize for being so long-winded here, but my point is that I think that if you define your goals, and you are realistic, you will find that being confident is not that difficult, because the gap between what you desire and what you can actually acheive will not be too great.
That is my take, and I would be happy to hear feedback.

[julie w]

confidence is not caring what strangers think of you when out in
public and not letting strangers control you happiness

[MsJanessa]

the key is to not worry about "passing" and just concentrate on looking your best and relaxing----start at TG friendly places, bars where TGs etc are accepted--usually gay bars that have a drag night or regular Tranny bars(you can find out by using google) or maybe there is a CD group in your area where you can go dressed in front of others---after that you can work your way up to shopping malls etc---and like I said don't worry about passing--relatively few of us can--and usually its those gurls who are 5'8" and under and who weigh less than 140 or so---and don't open their mouths to speak--as for Me as long as I'm accepted, then I'm fine--good luck

Oh and one final piece of advice---dress for the occasion---I have a lovely black leather skirt suit which with a pair of knee high dress boots and a satin blouse is the bomb--would I wear it to the local mall?---only if I wanted to attract attention--jeans and a girly top with flats are the way to go---passing usually means no body looks at you twice---I prefer to be the center of attention but hey, thats just Me

[TNRobin]

Don't overdress. And the first time do something like go for a ride in your car, don't even get out, just enjoy the drive. Then maybe go through a drive through for something. So far that's all that I've done, but that'll change in a few weeks when I go to the Southern Comfort Conference. If you can find a CD conference near you then go to that. And it's SOOOOO much easier if you have a GF or SO that will support and go with you.

[Rachel Morley]

How? ... by going slowly and gaining progress one step at a time. You can't pretend to be self confident, you can't tell yourself you're self confident if you're not. You gain self confidence by gently pushing yourself.

So you want to go out dressed and pass. Assuming you've already done everything you can to improve your presentation and your body language and mannerisms etc and it's just about mentally having the confidence to be in public situations, then what IMHO you should do is gradually expose yourself to more scary situations as you successfully negotiate smaller ones.

Go for a "dress and drive" to start with, but stay in the car. If that goes well, the next time get out of the car and walk across the parking lot. If that goes well then the next time do some window shopping. Then take a walk through the main shopping mall in an "off peak time", then do it at a busy time. See? ... progressively push the boundaries of your comfort level as you succeed on your previous outing. It's a stepping stone road to success. Your confidence builds as you have good experiences. Before you know it you'll be buying things, chatting to sales assistants and ordering your lunch in cafes like it's nothing :)

[ashcrimson]

I guess in my case it is not confidence that allows me to do what I do, it is apathy. I guess you can ask yourself which is more important, these peoples thoughts or your happiness in doing what you want to do. As for passing, you can pass to some, you can fail to some, but I think the most important is that you within youself feel that you pass, that you look the way you want to

[Alice Torn]

I had not been out, in almot a year. Today, I worea dress, pantyhose, and panties, and empty bra, UNDER my shirt, and pants, and went to Walmart, and Autozone. I must say, that I did have thoughts, of people seeing through my outerclothes! It is good practice. I may try it a number of times, and make believe only the lady stuff, is on, and practice ladyness. You may try that!