Falling in love with "her"

[nicky22]

I appreciate all of the help i have recieved from all of you coping with my BF's crossdressing...but here's something I did not expect. It's been about a month since he's been dressing around me...at least 4 nights a week, and now that the initial shock and confusion has worn off I find myself totally falling in love with "her" and actually prefer to be around her. She's incredibly gorgeous, way more fun, nicer to be around...it's crazy. I feel like I'm cheating on him with her and miss her when she's not around and don't like it when he takes off the wig and make-up at night. I'm really having a hard time putting the 2 pieces of him together in to one person. Maybe it's the newness of everything and that now that I'm over the initial shock I'm just loving it a little too much because it has been alot of fun. But I do feel like I have 2 sets of feelings right now and much more for her than him. This can't be normal. Any thoughts?????????????? Nicky

[Leanne2]

Hi Nicky,
What you are experiencing is the best of both worlds. Enjoy both sides of your boyfriends personality. Now you girls need to go shopping! Leanne

[MJ]

you've just entered the pink fog zone. relax and enjoy both side .

he, she is very lucky :hugs:

[Holly]

...This can't be normal...Normal is way over rated! First off I would say that both you and your BF are two very lucky people. I hope that the "newness" you refer to never wears off for either of you. Being able to accept and embrace others for who and what they are is the very essence of love. Now as for preferring some aspects of people over others, that really not so unusual. My wife of almost 41 years likes hanging with my "gentler" side as well. And there are parts of my so-called "normal life" that she would just as soon not deal with. Let me give you an example... when we go out shopping for a new car, she literally hates it when we get to the part about negotiating price and terms, I tend to play hardball at those times. She dislikes it so much that she often leaves during the negotiations. And while she doesn't care for the process, she is usually pleased with the result. As time progresses the two of you will work it all out. In the meantime, don't stress over it. :)

[JenetGG]

Hi Nicky,

How Fabulous!!!! This is a cause to celebrate! I am in love with my sweetheart's femme side too and how amazing is that?? You're right there is nothing normal about this. I'd like you to hear the word "normal" as being without a value judgement. Normal just means what is most common. This type of relationship is not the most common and not what we've been raised to expect...not what we've been trained for. It's new ground and It's Special!! And it's still new for you. It's an amazing gift that you give your partner and yourself to fully love all that that person is. I understand having confusion and it's natural. I have found that by allowing the confusion to just be, over time, a facility of being able to be with both as one has emerged. It will develop for you and it's amazing and special. Congratulations Sweetheart!

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Nicky,

Here's my 2 cents. If your BF repressed his TG side for a long period of time that is bound to effect his outward personality to some degree. You say "she" is more fun, I don't doubt it! I know from experience when you are able to freely express your girl side without having to hide it or be ashamed of it, it makes a world of difference to your whole outlook on life and will definitely show through on the outside.

My wife is very accepting and encouraging of my feminine side and she participates in everything, often with us going out shopping and socializing together as "girlfreinds". She thinks its great fun too, she also thinks I look cute dressed. She is just as affectionate towards me no matter how I'm presenting. My point is, it isn't weird or not normal to feel this way. As far as not wanting your partner to take their wig and make up off at night is concerned, perhaps they look younger and prettier with it on. I know I do! I look about 10 years younger and much more attractive (I think) with hair and makeup. Most women look better with makeup on - why not your BF too?

Bottom line is we like/love whoever we want to for a whole host of reasons. Don't fall into that old trap of thinking that you have to conform to others expectations. Empower yourself to enjoy your life in whatever way you see fit, and if that includes enjoying spending time with your BF when he's dressed as a girl then what''s wrong with that? - nothing at all in my opinion :)

Hugs
Rachel

[docrobbysherry]

When you're having a BLAST riding a roller coaster, do u spend time thinking, " Why is this so much fun"?:eek:

Or, do u just put your hands in the air and ENJOY THE RIDE?:D

Think about it!:brolleyes:

Last add: Enjoying your life IS NORMAL!:devil:

[Deborah Jane]

Hi Nicky, having just been told,,,,"Go, get changed, I want my friend" by Sheila, I think this could be more normal than we realise :)

I'd better go now, she's getting impatient :brolleyes: :heehee:

[suchacutie]

"Tina" was discovered by me and my wife together. I had never dressed before 4 years ago. My wife and I understood right away that Tina was a different side to my personality, and the only way we could find out who she was would be to treat her as a separate entity. She has a separate e-mail address, separate books, different voice, different look (for sure!)...well, except for the this body and the data stored in the brain cells, she is separate!

As time has gone on, feelings have evolved and, I'm sure, will continue to do so. One advantage of this "love triangle" is that you can speak to one about the other freely, and it's a kind of conversation and communication other couples cannot have.

Lastly, your girlfriend is new, your boyfriend is less new. I'm sure as time goes on everything will level off, and as long as the communication is open, I'm sure you'll both evolve together! Enjoy the ride as I'm sure it will be exciting all the time!

tina

[MichelleP]

Hi Nicky,

Relax and enjoy yourself. It appears that dressing brings out the best in him, hooray! I'm sure he's glad for it too.

Michelle

[kristinacd55]

Geez Nicky, I hope my wife falls in love with Kristina! She is coming along a bit, and I just got to be patient. :daydreaming:

[Barbara B]

Hi Nicky, sit back and enjoy the ride, I've heard Wendy say to friends several times how much she misses Barb not being around if I don't get chance to dress for long periods, like when the kids are off school! I think she actually expects to find Barb in the kitchen preparing lunch for her when I'm working nights now.

[Christina Horton]

Normal, what it that. Well I will tell you what I think Normal is..... OK People whom does not have a weird side , ie , likes cartoon when he/she's 50 , or you love to only golf in the rain , you hate to shop unless it's for only one thing (like shoes , or , car parts etc) , or you like rough sex only , or you can only (in your car) turn left and not right , Or Etc Etc Etc..... If you don't have even a small weird thing then IMO your weird. Someone who has not little or big thing that they love to do and it's not immoral or illegal then I say do it. I still get surprised by what people do But I am trying to be opened minded.

What your feeling is normal , You like/love your BF and now that he/her is expressing the inner girl she is much happier and feels she can be the full her. Now don't dismiss her male side just cuz you love her fem-side but , tell her and make sure you let her know that when she is in male mode that He is free to let more and more of his fem-side out when your with HIM.
Now I don't know if that's what HE wants , he may want to only be FEM in fem-mode. You must make sure you talk to him and tell him the truth at all time's about it.

You love your new Girl Friend and like your boy friend, I think it's just the newness of the relationship . You just meet your gf and it's exciting and new ( come aboard , we're expecting you ....and lovvvvve) sorry channeling the love boat theme sing. LOL.:daydreaming::heehee: . Just remember you love his yes you will have a better , honest relationship with him/her and should be healthier then 90% out there cuz you have way more in common then most. Good luck and I hope your happy and , oh when are you going to bring him here to meet us young lady , your mothers need to meet him. LOL.:hugs::love:

[Sheila]

Nicky, I fell in love with her as much as him ............ actually he worried I would hate the guy side, cos I knew her before I met him ............. we met on here after a previous relationship ended.

He and I connected mentally (okay you lot .............. we know we are mental so stop giggling :heehee::heehee:)

Seriously she appears most days now and I really don't care which dress mode they are in, I love the person completely .......... some days he drives me nutz, some days she does, there again, I drive both of them nutz as well :D:D sanity rarely enters our relationship :eek::heehee::heehee: She appears in bed every night apart from the very occasional one where he decides he wants to make an appearance ........... don't bother me who I sleep with, have become a blonde tart :D:devil:

[Felix]

Hope you don't mind me joining in here but wowzer Sheila couldn't have put it better myself, just enjoy the experience Hun :) xx Felix :hugs:

[nicky22]

Wow, you all are great...I love this forum. Thanks. I know it will all even out emotionally but man...to go from having a boyfriend to having a bf/gf, never shopping to clearing every sale rack in the South of England, nights in the pub to nights at home with the shades drawn...falling in love all over again...and with a gorgeous woman...phew...it's alot!! Thanks again for the great perspectives.

One more thing...when I used the word normal, I was referring to the split, crazy, schitzophrenic feelings...not the Cding...ta...

[Lisa Golightly]

The touch of a woman the taste of a man... I have to admit though I like boys in general I find crossdressers absolutely perfect partners... Very sensual... very caring... gorgeous :)

[Mrs. X (gg)]

You're in love, your heart is in the right place, don't hold back and enjoy!!
You know Im very happy for you!!!! :)

[Jan Michell Collins]

I realy don't think I say any thing any better than what has already been said!!! relax and enjoy the ride and have fun with your BF/new GF. And don't think in to it, just go with the flow!!!!!

[Kathi Lake]

The touch of a woman the taste of a man... I have to admit though I like boys in general I find crossdressers absolutely perfect partners... Very sensual... very caring... gorgeous :)That's what an old girlfriend told me once, "I get to kiss a guy, but I get to see, smell and touch a girl."

Kathi

[AllieSummers]

Hi Nicky,

Wow!!!! I'm loving it. That's my girl. :)

What you are experiencing is a lot of what my wife has experienced. At first it was really strange to her but once she got used to the idea she really started embracing it.

I try to do my best to give her a fairly equal portion of Allie and Alan because one of the first things she told me was, "I just don't want to lose my husband." I've always been conscious of that statement.

What I'm finding now is that she is not only supporting me, she is actually encouraging me to dress. She has gone out and bought me stuff and asked me to wear it for her. Last night I mentioned that some girl friends are going out on Saturday night and some of Sunday night and that I couldn't decide which night would be better. She suggest we go out both nights. Now that is the sign of someone that is really enjoying the experience.

Also our love making is hitting new highs...probably better than it has ever been. We've been married for 23 years and that is probably very strange for a couple that has been together for so long. I think she was experiencing a little confusion at first, like does this make me a Lesbian or something for enjoying sex with someone dressed as a woman. I think a lot of women are attracted to the female form...heck women are much better to look at than men. It is "different" but it isn't weird.

Christy is an amazing woman...like you. Your SO and I are two of the luckiest guys/girls in the world. :)

I would enjoy what you have to the fullest. It is natural to question everything...your feelings and actions and his/hers. But I would just go with it. You shouldn't have any problem adjusting to this new situation...adventure.

I don't think you'll need it but you can write me any time you need any advice. My door is always open.

Kisses,

Allie

[JulieC]

I appreciate all of the help i have recieved from all of you coping with my BF's crossdressing...but here's something I did not expect. It's been about a month since he's been dressing around me...at least 4 nights a week, and now that the initial shock and confusion has worn off I find myself totally falling in love with "her" and actually prefer to be around her. She's incredibly gorgeous, way more fun, nicer to be around...it's crazy. I feel like I'm cheating on him with her and miss her when she's not around and don't like it when he takes off the wig and make-up at night. I'm really having a hard time putting the 2 pieces of him together in to one person. Maybe it's the newness of everything and that now that I'm over the initial shock I'm just loving it a little too much because it has been alot of fun. But I do feel like I have 2 sets of feelings right now and much more for her than him. This can't be normal. Any thoughts?????????????? Nicky

I'll echo what many said above. Stop worrying about what is "normal". Such value judgments place power in the hands of people external to your relationship. Define for the two of you what you want. That's your normal.

Some above have commented about two separate entities within the same person. If that works for them, it's great. It doesn't work for me and my wife. I don't think of myself as having a split personality, or a second personae that I can conveniently box up and put away as need be, only to drag out when the urge arises.

I'm me, all of me. My wife recognizes this too, and knows she loves all of me, not one part more or less, not the masculine more than the feminine, but all of me.

Who you are in love with is a soul. That soul has many aspects of it. Would you feel abnormal for loving your boyfriend more when he is happy as opposed to upset or angry? Of course not. You're enjoying him...all of him.

The newness will level off. You can't help it. It's what you create in the process of the newness leveling off that will be the foundation bedrock of your relationship. Ultimately, if you prefer him in a wig, dress, tights, and heels and he wants to be that way as much as you want him to be that way, then openly encourage him. It might be that in a few years time he will no longer have any male clothes, and all his wardrobe will be female clothes.

Regardless, you're one very lucky girl to have found someone you love so much, in whatever form! Congratulations!

[AllieSummers]

I think Julie is right on here...

I don't think me or my wife look at Alan/Allie as two different people. I am the same person dressed and not dressed. My wife loves me on the inside, which is the most important thing.

I wasn't as nice as a man for a long time because I had all this bottled up inside of me. Not that I'm out and enjoying my fem side when I'm not dressed I am a much better/more fun man too.

I'm sure you'll find that with your SO too.

Kisses,

Allie

[MelanieCA]

Hey nicky,

While I understand this is very confusing for you, this is one of the sweetest things I have read in a long time.

[windycissy]

Wow, you all are great...I love this forum. Thanks. I know it will all even out emotionally but man...to go from having a boyfriend to having a bf/gf, never shopping to clearing every sale rack in the South of England, nights in the pub to nights at home with the shades drawn...falling in love all over again...and with a gorgeous woman...phew...it's alot!! Thanks again for the great perspectives.

One more thing...when I used the word normal, I was referring to the split, crazy, schitzophrenic feelings...not the Cding...ta...

Do you have a sister? Seriously, you are a dream, and just wait till you two go from "nights at home with the shades drawn" to nights on the town, although I'd recommend that you start off with a ladies lunch...

[Angelofsomekind]

The first time my wife and I went to a TG confrence togeather my wife said she was going to miss being with me when we were going there. A few days after it was over, she said she missed being with Brit.

I thought that was kinda cool.

[Lady Joan]

I think it's normal, I love the boy side as much as the girl side of my SO. It's wonderful. We are also fairly new as a couple and it gets better each day.

Just let yourself feel what you feel, it's all good.

Respectfully
Lady Joan

[Samantha43]

I'll echo what many said above. Stop worrying about what is "normal". Such value judgments place power in the hands of people external to your relationship. Define for the two of you what you want. That's your normal.

Some above have commented about two separate entities within the same person. If that works for them, it's great. It doesn't work for me and my wife. I don't think of myself as having a split personality, or a second personae that I can conveniently box up and put away as need be, only to drag out when the urge arises.

I'm me, all of me. My wife recognizes this too, and knows she loves all of me, not one part more or less, not the masculine more than the feminine, but all of me.

Who you are in love with is a soul. That soul has many aspects of it. Would you feel abnormal for loving your boyfriend more when he is happy as opposed to upset or angry? Of course not. You're enjoying him...all of him.

The newness will level off. You can't help it. It's what you create in the process of the newness leveling off that will be the foundation bedrock of your relationship. Ultimately, if you prefer him in a wig, dress, tights, and heels and he wants to be that way as much as you want him to be that way, then openly encourage him. It might be that in a few years time he will no longer have any male clothes, and all his wardrobe will be female clothes.

Regardless, you're one very lucky girl to have found someone you love so much, in whatever form! Congratulations!

Julie said this very well!

[Angie G]

If you cheating on him with her the way I see it is you him and her are the winners. I thinking just go with it if you like it that much I think that's great Wish I was that lucky.:hugs:
Angie

[KellyV GG]

I'm pretty new to all of this too and feel the same way. Maybe not quite so "in love" with her, but I do like his femme side. It is VERY confusing trying to put 2 personalities together ecspecially when you've only known and fell in love with one side. I wish I would have known from the beginning, it would have been easier to deal with. I find that when I think too much about it, it's too much to try to understand so it helps to just go with the flow and try not to complicate things. I have a very stuffy job and wear suits, hair back, sensible shoes all day and when not working I wear jeans, converse and t-shirts..hair down, more make-up. I try to equate it with that...there's the you you have to present to the world and the you you are more comfortable with. Same guy....just feels more comfortable in a dress. That's my uneducated :2c:.....

Kelly

[Miranda09]

I agree with everyone here...just enjoy, don't psychoanalyze, and have fun. You've got the best of both worlds. :)