How to not screw things up with wife??

[Vanessa Maid]

Hi everyone.. Didn't know if I could get some advice. My wife has known about my 'other self' for about 2 months. It took forever for me to come clean (as most can probably testify) because you never know how the reaction will be. Anyway, I wound up as one of the very lucky ones. My wife totally embraced the idea!! She has allowed me to be her sissy maid, wear panties, nigtgowns, bought me makeup, etc. So far, I couldn't ask for any more and I definitely don't want things to change. I was wandering, how much is too much ??? Any happily married CD's with much more experience care to share some advice with how often to let 'Vanessa' come out and not jepardize our relationship?? She is absolutely everything to me. Thanks in advance!!

[Shikyo]

There is no certain rule what you are supposed to do or how often you can be your other self. Only way to find out is to have a talk with your wife about the matter. She is the only one who can tell you how often you can do it. Do not let her make the conditions alone, though. You both should find a way to make your both satisfied.

The reason why I'm saying this is because there are some wife's who can't stand it at all and some who do not have any problems of their husband doing it for all the time. Each of us is unique thus our acceptance for things like this will be unique. I'm sure your wife won't be mad to you just because you would like to make it clear how often is too much. In fact, I think it might give a bonus because you are not thinking about only you but you think about "her" as well.

[Kerigirl2009]

I too just told my wife about 2 months ago and from my experience I would say to COMMUNICATE with her as much as possible and don't let all the conversations be just about crossdressing and Venessa. Tell her that when she is felling like she needs to be with her husband. She should only have to mention that and you should honor her request wholeheartedly. If your wife starts to become quiet, she might have something on her mind that she needs to get out. Just remember we have had our entire lives to deal and learn about ourselves, our wives have only had a couple months. Truth be told it is a HUGE adjustment for them. I am speaking of my experiences. So far we have had a few ups and downs, but we continue to talk about it together, and I am being as HONEST with her as possible. (trying to answer all her questions without wavering). Dont push it on her if she needs time give her time. Baby steps. I told my wife that I will not force Keri (me) anywhere that she does not want her. Unfortunately for me, My wife has not met Keri face to face but this weekend she did see some pics of her and her entire clothes collection.
So remember that she married you and that to to your wife she married her husband and Venessa should always come after your wife no matter what.:)

[crossdrezzer1]

Give her husband time more so than sissy time,, make sure she knows she isnt going to loose the man she married and if she knows that then there will be lots of fun,,,but for once she thinks she is loosing the man she married she will clam up on the support in a second and it will never return..

[Danielle Gee]

Hi Girls: My wife is for the most part accepting, but there are times when I see that " I'm tired of this" look come over her face. At those times I try and cool it for a bit. Actually after many years of this we (like most long-married couples) have a well-developed sytems of "signals". They are much like triffic signals,indicating stop and go......And one ignores them at their own risk.

So, I wouldn't worry about "over-doing" it. she'll signal when it time to quit !!:2c:

Good Luck Danielle

[BLUE ORCHID]

Let your wife set the boundries and stay within them.
Don't rock the boat you could get thrown overboard by the captian!!!

[Earlene]

My experience was that I went over board and was wearing my cd stuff as much as I wanted to... emphasis on I. I misread some of those signals mentioned in previous replies and we came crashing down. Now, it wasn't just the cd issue. There were other things going on in our lives that were the main issue. My wearing feminine clothing just happened to be the most visible. I stopped all cd activity for about a month and then talked with my wife and WE decided that most of the time I could wear what I wanted, but she also wanted that man she married. So take it SLOWLY and remember that communication goes a long way at trying to find out what the other person is thinking. I will notice my wife looking at me while I am getting ready for bed and she will have this "look" on her face. I asked what she was thinking and she said "Why that outfit?"

Hope this rambling helps.

Penelope

[PretzelGirl]

There is no certain rule what you are supposed to do or how often you can be your other self. Only way to find out is to have a talk with your wife about the matter. She is the only one who can tell you how often you can do it. Do not let her make the conditions alone, though. You both should find a way to make your both satisfied.

I agree with this wholeheartedly!

Now here is the trick (IMO). You are already getting comfortable at some level with what you are doing but she hasn't had the time to settle down to everything that is comfortable. So you need to have this in mind when "having the talk". Her feelings could likely change over time.

My wife didn't press for anything but I asked her specifically and she told me the things that she would be more comfortable if I didn't do them. I accepted them as my boundaries for the most part while negotiating a few. As time has marched on, a number of these have changed as she has gotten more comfortable.

So the hard part is working this list out. You may accept a boundary and the boundary may go away in a month or may never go away. So be prepared to live with whatever you accept.

[suchacutie]

In my opinion the key is an open understanding of what you both want, and your willingness to be flexible. There may be some days that you want your femme side, and she wants her man! In my case, my wife gets what she wants in this area without even a moment's hesitation. Then there are the days when she may want your femme side and you aren't up to it for whatever reason. I'm sure she'll understand if you explain it. Of course, the days when you are in sync will be terrific.

As to the details of your femme side, all that should be out in the open and a constant source of conversation. As long as you both feel comfortable with sharing your feelings and your respect for each other's feelings, life should be wonderful!

tina

[LilSissyStevie]

The way to know if you're going too far too fast is that you start asking yourself if you're going too far too fast. The answer is "YES."

[Laciegurl]

When I first told my wife over a year ago it was while getting ready for bed and I pulled out this item of clothing and said I wanted to wear that. It was a bold move but she was really supportive. Things go up and down in anything in life. I dress on almost a daily basis but she has her needs. We discussed this over time and we think we have found a happy balance. She does enjoy our time together when I'm Lacie but those signals do go off when she wants her man. Like today I am Lacie and my wife is with my Mom. When she comes home I'll probably be my old drab self. Every situation is different and there is no one right thing to do but with honest and open communication y'all are sure to find the balance needed to keep both happy. If she didn't storm out the door when you told her there is half the battle.

[sfwarbonnet]

Still haven’t told my wife. I only wear women’s clothes when there is a non-CD raison d’etre. As she “tolerates” and buys me more women’s clothing I push her to accept a bit more. Like now I usually take off the pants in the evening, and change into a dress (long tee). I want to wear a bra too, but that would go to far. As she has already “bought onto” a my wearing panties, pantyhose, and a slip - the next steps appear to find a small cup (<B) bra slip and to go for a unisex hairstyle.

[Sheila]

Hun this is something only you and your wife can work out for yourself, some weeks both of you may be happy with everday, other weeks it may be that it is only once, talk, talk and talk to each other and listen as well :)

[giuseppina]

I was wandering, how much is too much ???

Only way you'll find out is ask your wife.:D

Cheers
Giuseppina

[Crissy Kay]

Hi Vanessa, Welcome to the group. Nice to see another who likes dressing as a maid!!! To answer your question, I am one of the lucky ones here. Its OK with my SO if I dress up every so often. I think the key thing here is Not to overdo it. Take it easy and have fun!!!

[Alice B]

The best way to find out what is too much is to ask her and if need be arrive at agreed upon boundries and conditions. At the moment you are very lucky and I for one am jealous.:heehee:

[Vanessa Maid]

Can't thank you enough for everyone's many responses. It will help me keep things positive (for the most part). I definitely have to remember to be the man she married first, then 'Play' on the side. It sure is a relief to finally not have to hide it any more. Thanks again for all your help!! - Vanessa:battingeyelashes:

[Teri Jean]

Every relationship is different but the basic rule is "if they are not happy neither will you".
My recommendation would be go slow or at her pace and every once in awhile with out notice ask her out on a date. Yep, sounds corny but do it as you would have when you were first dating and take her out someplace special. Not mickie ds. Treat her really special and make it about her and her desires, a restraunt, movie, play and or a wonderful moment she will remember. Good luck and huggs to you both.

Teri

[kasha]

I've got a pretty good relationship with my girl. And I owe it all to being honest with her. I suggest you tell her the truth always. Just remember the truth isn't a drive by. It's a stroll through the garden. Once it's out you have to be receptive to talking about it. Oh . . . one more thing, the truth shouldn't be self-serving. So make sure you dole it out in easily digestible quantities by your wife.

[Stephanie Stephens]

Do as you are told. My wife told me the other night that she does not like it when I put my lipstick outside of my lip line, so I didn't. Sometimes it is best to do as you are told.

[Ras]

Every GG is different. Some embrace it a lot and some very little. Open communication is the KEY to finding that happy medium of your "Vanessa times". Keep in mind she married the man...but also appears to enjoy Vanessa as well. Ask her what she wants and how much she is comfortable with.

Enjoy!