Control

[dominique]

Hi I've been wondering when you came out or forced out due to circumstances. Did you notice a subtle loss of control in your relationship. What I mean all the cards were being held by your s.o. eg divorce, kids and money. Did you feel helpless or did you find some way to keep equal within your relationship.

[sissystephanie]

I told my late wife before we were married, and she was totally supportive for our entire married life! There never was any problem with "control." We jointly set the "rules" and both of us lived by them. I did sometimes, by my own choice, submit to her when we made love. We both enjoyed her being the man and me the girl!

[Paola Lobos]

I told my wife after we were married. I had been wanting to tell her for a long time but decided the time had come when a pair of my very feminine panties mistakenly showed up in the dirty clothes basket. Fortunately I was doing the wash that day. Otherwise she would have been wondering where they came from and whether I was having an affair. I decided I couldn't put her through that. It wasn't easy but I'm glad I told her.

[kasha]

Yes, the more other people know the more it seems as if control is slipping away. But the truth is there is no control, only choices. As long as you realize all the choices at your disposal, that feeling of being able to make a choice instead of being dictated to will change.

[Ralph]

Hi I've been wondering when you came out or forced out due to circumstances. Did you notice a subtle loss of control in your relationship. What I mean all the cards were being held by your s.o. eg divorce, kids and money. Did you feel helpless or did you find some way to keep equal within your relationship.

I came out to my wife because I do not lie to my wife. Ever. She knew about the crossdressing before we got married; I wanted to give her every opportunity to back out if it was not something she could deal with.

If you see your relationship as a power struggle, you and your wife have far deeper problems than the crossdressing. Get thee to a counselor ASAP.

[Phyliss]

We've had our "discussions" (sometimes rather heated) about different subjects having nothing to do with my crossdressing, and I haven't felt like I've "lost control" .... never really had it to begin with. This is a 50 / 50 situation.
Now I do have to admit that sometimes when having a "discussion" and I happen to be wearing a skirt, I feel kinda uncomfortable, but I don't go change just to make my point.
While she may not be fully supportive of my dressing she allows it, and that's good enough for me.
My neighbor "knows" and I don't feel any less of a person around her, nor do I feel "unworthy" at my local salon, no matter how I go there.

I am happy with me, I am satisfied with me. As long as nobody shows up with a bucket of tar and a bag of feathers, I'm not worried about "losing control" . My only worry then would be ... how fast can I run in heels

[dominique]

Thanks for your replies. It all depends on how your s.o reacts to the news some will loose control for a while then gain some of it back. While others will control the way your tell your s.o up front and they can go into the relationship knowing about cding.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

To be honest I get a little concerned whenever the topic of control comes up in the context of personal relationships. Entirely unrelated to CDing, I have a female friend who whenever she's dating a new person gets really obsessed about the power dynamic of the new relationship, who has the power, don't want him to have the power, I need the power. She swears that this is the way it works, yet she's just as single as I am.

On a side note, I find it interesting that occasionally the topic of how someone is dressed is referenced in so much as how one feels power wise in an argument, I've seen it in other threads and now this one too. I must be an odd duck in that I actually usually feel a bit *more* confident when I'm wearing a skirt than when I'm not. Maybe I'm channeling gladiators or something?