I talked to the wife about needing to.........

[Marcia Blue]

I finally got up enough courage to talk to my wife about my feminine side again. She has known about it since before we were married,but we really never talked about it. She listened as told her about my urges to dress. How this is something that I have felt since I was 5 years old. I told her what I have in my small wardrobe. I mentioned how I was very jealous to hear a guy friend of ours, has a pair of pumps. (I had not bought any shoes at that time.) She seemed to be trying to understand.

She asked if I had homosexual feeling. I told her the truth, that I only had desires for her.

She mentioned counseling. I knew she would. She was not pushy about. I will think about that, it can't hurt.

She suggested that wearing a gown to bed might help curb my urges. I almost completely melted when she suggested that.

She said we could work it out. I could always tell her I need some "alone time" when the urges were real strong. She is not ready to see me dressed and I understand this. After over 20 years she knows I still love her more than anything. I feel very relieved.
I now have to be supportive of her as she works this out in her mind.
:hugs:

[brits love]

The first 6 months of seeing my husband dressed I thought for sure bi or gay He really needed to keep telling me that he loved only me and was not interested in any one other than me. after a while I started to open up more everyone is different though. be supportive !

[Paola Lobos]

Your wife sounds strong and loving. Keep talking and go slow. I bet you'll work it out.

[TNRobin]

My ex was a lot more closed minded about a lot of things. She found a pair of nipple clamps (yes, I like BDSM as well) that I had hidden in my drawer and when I came home she had destroyed them as well as called in our minister for an intervention. We wound up in a really ugly divorce not long after that.

Now I feel like I'm the luckiest man alive. I've got a girlfriend that not only understands, but encourages and enjoys my other side, the CD side of me.

It sounds like you've got a very special woman. Just take things slow and don't push her.

[Miranda09]

Nicely handled Marcia. Give her time, keep talking, and things will get better. Not really sure you need counceling, but that's your call if you think it's necessary. :)

[Kerigirl2009]

Hold onto your wife, no matter what. take it slow and do not be pushy. Communicate often with her but don't let every conversation be just about CD. When you are feeling flustered or depressed or just whenever. ASK her for a HUG, they do me wonders. To me contact with my wife such as a hug lets us both know that where not alone and a hug can relieve alot of stress. :)

[Stephanie Miller]

Marcia,
With just the limited knowledge that one could gather from reading your post, my suggestion would be as follows...
1) Yes, as others have said - slow. Do not push. She sounds like she is trying to be as understanding as possible.
2) Counseling - If it is something that she thinks will help - then yes a councilor is a good thing. But only if you BOTH go. Just make sure you do your homework! Do not just go out and find just any councilor. Find one that specializes in CD's. A bad councilor is worse than no councilor some times.
3) You told her you were jealous of someones shoes? Are you trying to use this as a ploy to get her to agree for you to get more, or going for sympathy? Kind of sounds like "but Johnny has one, mommy - why can't I" ?
Don't want to hurt your feelings here, but now is not the time for "games".

I keep re-reading your post and so much of it seems about YOU - maybe not, but that's how I read it. Put her thoughts and feelings in the forfront for a while. At least until you both learn where the boundries are. Times have changed in the last 20 years since you've last brought it up. So for the most part it is as if she just found out about it.

I really hope the best for you two.
P.S. There are some out of this world GG's on this board to help her if you can get her on. ;)

[Cheshire Gummi]

Counseling. I'm going to need you to clarify on that one.

Counseling in trying to understand your feelings better (as in therapy) or Cross-dressers Anonymous counseling?

[Alice B]

Keep the conversation going. I went thru the same with my wife and we have reached a workable solution. One of the keys was that I did an extensive web search on cross dressing and printed out everything I fel applied to me. Then I gave her time to read and digest the material, followed by a frank discussion. A lot of great material is available on this site. Good luck.:hugs:

[Marcia Blue]

I mentioned to my wife when we first meet about my dressing and a lipstick fetish I have. She has known all these years but I could no longer totally keep it in the closet. The fact that she had an idea about my fem side made giving her the whole picture a lot easier for both of us.

I appreciate all the advise and will take it to heart.

I hope to have her join the forum also, if and when she asks. (She knows about it.)

I doubt the counseling issue will be brought up again, I could be wrong. I will heed all the advice given here if needed.

The shoe jealousy story was not a ploy of any kind. It was just a thought I wanted her to hear. I am not a jealous person by nature, and she nows this.

I also told her we needed to talk about boundaries, I do not want to make her uncomfortable about anything. She is everything to me and I will do what ever it takes to keep us together. I plan on not changing anything about my dressing for the time being, however long that my be. She needs time to come to grips with everything. Really the ball is in her court. I am now just here to answer questions when asked, and be her supportive husband not her GF.

[Ralph]

She said we could work it out. I could always tell her I need some "alone time" when the urges were real strong.
Marcia, you have the best wife in the world. Do everything you can to keep her happy!

[jenny867]

Great to hear that its going well so far. I've yet to tell my gf, so these success stories are relieving to hear.

[milliek]

Best thing in a relationship is when a wife supports crossdressing

[Michelle Charles]

Hey Marcia,

You are certainly on course. I agree with most of the suggestions sent your way. If counseling does occur, make sure of qualifications. Go slow, be sensitive to your wifes feelings and concerns, talk lots, and be her husband every time she needs him! That is why she married him! Good luck in your journey, come see us at Triess in CR sometime!
Michelle

[Marcia Blue]

Thanks Michelle. I really appreciate your support.

[Sandra]

I'm gonna repeat what has been said in that you take it slow with her, keep the lines of communication open, and take things at her pace.

Suggesting she joins here would be a good idea, for one she'd get a lot of support and aslo find out that she's not alone

[il.dso]

Thank you for sharing your story.
It's sounds somewhat similar to mine.
Unfortunately, I haven't had the courage to approach the crossdressing subject
with my wife. I always find an excuse to avoid the discussion.
I respect and admire your courage and
your wife's understanding.
Please accept my best wishes.

[Crysten]

My ex was a lot more closed minded about a lot of things. She found a pair of nipple clamps (yes, I like BDSM as well) that I had hidden in my drawer and when I came home she had destroyed them as well as called in our minister for an intervention. We wound up in a really ugly divorce not long after that.

Now I feel like I'm the luckiest man alive. I've got a girlfriend that not only understands, but encourages and enjoys my other side, the CD side of me.

It sounds like you've got a very special woman. Just take things slow and don't push her.

WOW - called the minister for an "intervention". It's really amazing to me that 1) people think, somehow, that this will magically eliminate the issue (I assume that's what they think), or, 2) somehow, this activity must be the devils work. In general, religion scares the hell out of me. I consider it to be brainwashing of the highest order, enabling people to feel superior because THEY know what god wants while YOU are an ignorant savage. Anyone comes to my house trying to sell me their religion, I chase em off my property. It is entirely possible to be an upright, honest citizen with high moral standards WITHOUT the religious dogma. Which is where I sit.

Sorry if I hijacked this thread. The religion thing gets under my skin.

[gracee]

Marcia...

Just curious. You said a guy you know had a pair of pumps... how does one find that out? Have you ever spoken to him about it? And then, why not get together?

[Marcia Blue]

Marcia...

Just curious. You said a guy you know had a pair of pumps... how does one find that out? Have you ever spoken to him about it? And then, why not get together?

Follow this link for the answer:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=107604