Oh well . . .

[TxKimberly]

One of the cost cutting measures my company has been taking is to force everyone to take a week off every two months or so. It doesn't matter if you have the vacation time saved, or have to take it unpaid, you must take the week off. Usually when they do this, at least a few people have to work and this last week I was one of them. Fortunately, my task was to man the tech support hotline, and this can be done from home using my cell phone, so last week I spent the entire week at home with my wife. Each morning we walk my 6 year old daughter to school about a mile and a half or so away. Well, today I have to fly to Detroit so I told my wife "Sorry, I've got to get ready for my flight and so won't be walking with you."
"Why not? You have plenty of time since your flight isn't until almost noon." she asked me. I have no idea why, but her tone was more than a little belligerent. Clearly she was angry that I didn't intend to walk with her. I started to explain that since I was gonna fly as Kimberly, it takes a bit longer to get ready, and she interrupted me.
"Oh, I get it. That's more important to you than we are!" and then she turned and walked out of the room. I sat there kind of stunned, because I really didn't think that I had deserved that. Most mornings I would have been on the way to work and she would have walked my daughter by herself anyway, but like I often tell people - we TG's have our head trips and our wives have theirs. Well, nothing to be done about it now, at this point I'd rather put my wet finger into a light socket than proceed with my plans to fly as Kim. She told me two or three times "I'm sorry" as I put my stuff away and put on my guy clothes, but now I feel like a freak again and am depressed as hell. I was hoping for an amusing day and am instead stuck with a long boring day in airports and airplanes, all the while knowing that my wife resents me. Did I mention that I'm seriously depressed?

[gwen cd]

I kind of get that sometimes too.
Its like she resents the fact that if your c/ding takes to split seconds of her time away she gets upset.

It kind of hurts in a way.
Remember to remind her of how much time she takes away from you when she gets ready...
worked for me.

[Sara Jean]

I'm sorry to hear that your plans got ruined. i'm sure you have been looking forward to it and then your she deflates your mood
you need a hug

[KellyV GG]

Remember to remind her of how much time she takes away from you when she gets ready...
worked for me.

ya but...from a GG's point of view. We have no choice but to spend all of that time getting ready every day (I hate it) and when you guys/girls do it it's not only time consuming it's like we (I, at least) know that it's more than just dressing, that it's a whole experience for you on a level we can't relate to, for you. And I find myself a little jealous of that, which can turn into resentment.

Anyway Kimberely...she may have been irrational and snapped a bit for a second, but it's probably because she enjoys the time as a family and walking to school together and was disapointed about that, not upset about Kimberly.
And I'm sure she really, truly is sorry.....

[vivian fair]

Kimberly every time I feel a bit down I watch a very happy u tube show. Yours! Always lifts me above the aloneness I feel and your happy travels, are something that helps me remember my past years and the good times and feelings I've had. I also had a wife,helpmeet,lover, all rolled into one. After she departed I was not worth any thing for the longest. You have become a bright spot in my life,as I know also with many others. I have a few states left to visit and I will do them enfemme. Mostly by POV.But do not plan on going abroad any more. This is thanks for the brightness you've added .

[Heather Daniels]

Kim, look at it this way.......................
you really get many more opportunities than most of us to express your femme side. Heck, we all love to read your stories, and wish we could be out there doing what you do weekly. Be thankful that your wife is as accepting as she is, and remember she needs your male presence around too. If I were you, I would feel dissapointed too, but I would have made the walk to school, then threw on some panties and nylons under my drabs, and headed for the airport. You can always change when you get to your hotel and still have some of the day to be girly. Have a safe trip hun.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Look at it this way...you could be getting ready to move somewhere else and be starting all over.....but then again on the other side of the coin you'd be free to be whoever you wanted to be....it's either a no win situation or a win win situation..not sure which one it is yet!!!! LOL...ain't life grand????

[Sally2005]

Kim,

I get the same guilt trip and it has nothing to do with CDing. I work at home and has taken years (and it is still not perfect) for my wife and others to get in the mindset that work means work...just because I am at home, it doesn't mean I am available. I struggled with depression in the past and it was mostly due to people placing expectations on me and myself feeling guilty about it while not keeping up with my own needs. Do something special or spend some extra time with them when you get home. Remember, the desire to CD is just part of you...don't feel guilty about it...just work around it.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Playing devil's advocate here,


Most mornings I would have been on the way to work and she would have walked my daughter by herself anyway,

I think that was what about it made her upset. I kind of see her point, even if she maybe didn't handle it the best way. Normally you have no choice but to be unable to walk with them, but because of your week off, you've been free to spend more time with your family than you normally get to.

Your wife probably was upset because she figured you'd want to spend as much time with her and your daughter as you could while you were both at home from work as well as in town since you were flying out that day.

I can totally see why she was upset. In her mind you were choosing to do something else rather than spend time with her and your daughter.

[Kathi Lake]

Kim, thanks for sharing this story. The fact that you'll also share the bad times shows we are your friends. That means a lot to us.

Don't take your wife's misplaced anger too personally. We all lash out, occasionally.

Kathi

[Sara Jessica]

I'm so sorry this happened, that your day is now shaping up the way you described.

For what it's worth, I get the same thing here and there from my wife. A little comment or the same "your girl time is more important than..." Hearing that it happens to others, it makes me think there's nothing malicious on their part, it's simply a genuine emotional response.

One thing I did recently when confronted with such a comment was to explain point blank how such things are hurtful to me and drive me into a depression. And that's not playing a dramatic card with her, it's the absolute truth. But on the flip side of the coin, I think we have to understand that our very being, or behavior, can land them in an episodic or even perpetual depressive state, especially in a situation like mine where there's not tons of communication about the tg thing.

Good luck in dealing with this little setback Kimberly. I hope that something said in the dozens of replies you're sure to receive will be of some help to you.

[Rhonda Jean]

I longingly remember when my (ex) wife wanted to be with me every possible moment. Now I can dress any time I want. I'd trade.

[PretzelGirl]

I love KellyV and Alyssa's responses.

Remember, that as tough as it is for you to be able to work out dressing time, your wife may have a mix of emotions from time to time and her feelings may vary a little. None of us are ever at one level always.

Maybe this is a instance where talking was appropriate but assumptions were in play. Take a deep breath and consider this flight out as sacrificing one for the Kimberly and SO team. Give her a call and make sure it is talked out. And I assume you are completely packed, so a night out to finish letting go could be in order!

Oh, and :bighug2:

[docrobbysherry]

That should cheer u up!:)

Suzy and the girls won't LET u be depressed! Maybe it's better that u get it out of your system now!:brolleyes:

[Karren H]

Ohh come on Kimberly!! You know I love you like a sister and you live the life that we all wish we could, including me.. So no way should one time out of a thousand bring on depression!! And what happened to family first, btw? Suck it up girl friend and snap out of it!! Ohh and send your wife some flowers!! She's a gift from heaven and you and I both know that!!

[Sally24]

Even the best of people get a little irrational at times. (not that I have, but I've just heard about it.:heehee:)

Remember that she is still recovering from having a baby and that can take awhile to settle down.My wife doesn't outright say things, but sometimes I get a feeling from her when she isn't happy. It can be something as small as me wanting to talk about a Sally night I had or something being planned for the future. It's always hit or miss and asking her if anything is wrong is just so not going to get me any answers.

Roll with the bad days and know that "it isn't you".

[DianneRoberts]

So ( my .02 worth ) you buy your daughter a surprise gift to give her at the end of your walk and say that you're sorry that you have to fly out and not be able to walk with her for a few days. If she is anything like mt daughter was at that age, her smile will be worth more than dressing. She's only six once and before you know it she'll be a teenager. And you won't be as important as MTV. :2c:

[Holly]

..."Oh, I get it. That's more important to you than we are!" and then she turned and walked out of the room...Kimberly, I'd venture a guess that the that the Misses was referring to had nothing to do with Kimberly and was a reference to anything that would take you away from your family. It could have been about going to the golf course or working on your Mustang or any one of several diversions we all have in our lives that cause us to be separated from our families. Pick her (and your daughter) up a little something in Detroit and present it to them when you get home. Then during some private time with your wife, reassure her that there is nothing more important to you than your family. We all like to hear how important we are from time to time :). FWIW, I think your wife was showing her disappointment in your not being able to continue the morning ritual of walking your daughter to school together, something she evidently treasures. Don't resent her for that, Love her. The way she expressed it may have been a bit off the mark but the sentiment is spot on.

[joandher]

Kim Your not alone with that scenario I too work from home a lot and my wife expects that I go with her as much as possible,if I say I cant she looks at me so disapprovingly ,then says oh its ok ill go alone, it doesn't matter,
I know exactly how you feel,but I've learnt to fit her requests in as much as possible just to keep the peace:

:hugs:
J-JAY

[Tiffany Leigh]

I say, be glad that she wants to be with you so bad that she is disappointed when she cant!

[GINA-CD]

Kim, just let it go. There is no way to convince her that you didn't think CDing was more important than family, she just had a bad moment and raised some expectations that were different from your thoughts and plans. This happened all the time to me, and it didn't have anything to do with dressing, just a million other things that suddenly became "more important" than my (soon to be ex-) wife or her plans.


Kim Your not alone with that scenario I too work from home a lot and my wife expects that I go with her as much as possible,if I say I cant she looks at me so disapprovingly ,then says oh its ok ill go alone, it doesn't matter,
I know exactly how you feel,but I've learnt to fit her requests in as much as possible just to keep the peace
I used to do this, fit her requests in as much as possible but at the end that sucks your soul... you just can't do that forever, sometimes you have to put yourself before anything else.

[MJ]

i'm sorry sis :hugs:

[Miranda09]

Don't let it drag you down too much Kim. Wives are human as well, and she was obviously disappointed in not having you with her to walk your 6 yr old to school. This is especially true if you travel a lot, which you do, and quality time together as a family can be minimal. The fact she appologized and did NOT carry on the issue says a lot. So just take it as it was presented, a sudden emotional reaction with words that just blurted out. :)

[Amy Lynn3]

Kim, we are all on your side and we will cover your back, but I think Tiffany nailed it down pretty good with her reply. Wish I had a wife and daughter who wanted me.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi Kimmy-

<big hug> Don't let it bug you too much, hon. My wife snaps at me when I least expect it and if she really wants to push a button she makes it about my dressing. She doesn't really mean it and usually it's about some other reason entirely, she just knows it gets my goat. And yeah, it hurts, despite everything I'm not all that secure about my being TG and acceptance from her in spite of all sorts of proof that she loves me and supports me.

Bring her back something nice from your trip. You know she loves you, every side of you.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[TxKimberly]

Thanks for the thoughts, advice, and the smiles all. Still, no way around it - today is gonna be a bummer and at this point it really has little to do with the fact that I'm not traveling pretty. It has far more to do with fact that my wife is quite clearly resenting what I am. Rational or not, logical or not, she is unhappy with me. I can point out to her all day long that I have to leave - that's my job. There is no logical reason in the world that I shouldn't take advantage of the fact that I have to leave for my job. The problem is that somewhere in the back of her head and in her emotions, she's got it twisted around to where she feels as if I chose to leave so I can cross dress, and oh, by the way, I might do a little work while I'm out there having fun. It's a woman thing. I can do the guy thing and explain how irrational this is all day long, and all it's going to do is dig the wound a little deeper (yeah, I tried that before).

[joann426]

ill go along with you heather thats the way i wood put it

[Sarah Doepner]

Kim,
Kinda been there, kinda done that. To quote Ulysses Everett McGill in "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou"; "It's a fool who looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart."
Her response was emotion based, as is your depression. The best thing to do is forget the pain as quickly as you can and get something nice for each of you. A little shopping therapy may do wonders, especially when you give that nice something to your bride explaining that quick anger can be just another face of love in a marriage. Let her think about that for a while.
In the meantime the rest of us will just have to girl-up and not live vicariously through your travels.

[LeslieSD]

We have our own up and downs but we expect other people to always be rational. You have a very understanding wife, who even apologized for asking you walking your daughter to school. Take it easy. There are more to life than dressing.

Sorry if I sound a bit hard, but that's what I feel.

[Ralph]

Wow -- I never would have thought that one of the two cheerleaders of this group (I'm talkin' to YOU, Karren) would ever have a bad day... you're always the first one with a joke to break up an angry exchange here.

So sorry to hear there was tension, but this too shall pass. It sounds like she needs a little reassurance that she IS first in your life, and above all you don't resent putting on the guy clothes once in a while when it's important to her.

Contrary to some of the advice here I would hold off on the back-and-forth accusations of who allows more time for whom; you both make concessions to one another often enough and you've been married long enough that it would be childish and self-destructive to keep score. A successful marriage rooted in love and respect means that when the other one is insecure about something, you take that insecurity seriously and don't make it worse by trying to make her out to be the villain.

In this particular case I'd even carry it farther and apologize - yes, YOU apologize to HER - something to the effect of "I'm sorry I didn't realize it was that important to you... you know I'll always make time for you."

Going to hold my tongue about the folks whose only reaction was "How terrible that your plans were ruined."

PS - right on, LeslieSD!

[Miranda09]

I agree with Sara, Leslie and Ralph here Kim.

[LisaM]

Kim,

I truly understand depession and I know how depressed I get when my spouse makes me feel bad about myself---so I know where you are coming from.

But usually when we have little issues we eventually get around to talking them out and resolving them. The period od depression fades and in the end we both compromise and reaffirm our committment together. It is not easy being us and it is certainly not easy being a spouse but keep at it like you both have done so far.

We all appreciate what you are feeling.

[Alice B]

There is nothing I could say that has not already been said in previous responses. Just look at it as a very minor pot hole in a very long road of life.:hugs:

[TNRobin]

I don't know what to say, but here's a hug.:bighug:

When you get back everything should be fine.

Maybe thinking about SCC will cheer you up. I'll give you a real hug there and you can steal my wheelchair! :wheelchair::drink:

[Nicole Erin]

This happened all the time to me, and it didn't have anything to do with dressing, just a million other things that suddenly became "more important" than my (soon to be ex-) wife or her plans.
I used to do this, fit her requests in as much as possible but at the end that sucks your soul... you just can't do that forever, sometimes you have to put yourself before anything else.

Gina is right. There needs to be a balance, cause I don't think anyone finds it satisfying to live for someone else all the time.

My wife used to try playing guilt trip games because of my dressing but quickly learned it was not going to work. Of course her favorite thing to say was "it is embarrasing". We don't go out and do much as a couple anyways.

[NatashaCD]

Gina is right. There needs to be a balance, cause I don't think anyone finds it satisfying to live for someone else all the time.

My wife used to try playing guilt trip games because of my dressing but quickly learned it was not going to work. Of course her favorite thing to say was "it is embarrasing". We don't go out and do much as a couple anyways.

agree 100% here when i was in a relationship it was all about her I had to wade on her hand and foot it was 2 1/2 years of depression but i loved her but in the end found she was cheating was a major blow and have found out she is playing up behind the guy she is with now I feel for you Kim and very sorry to hear this expecially from a lovely girl like you hope you get through it and were all thinking of you :hugs:

[Di]

It has far more to do with fact that my wife is quite clearly resenting what I am. Rational or not, logical or not, she is unhappy with me. I can point out to her all day long that I have to leave - that's my job. There is no logical reason in the world that I shouldn't take advantage of the fact that I have to leave for my job. The problem is that somewhere in the back of her head and in her emotions, she's got it twisted around to where she feels as if I chose to leave so I can cross dress, and oh, by the way, I might do a little work while I'm out there having fun. .

I think hon:hugs: that she might have got it twisted......and the best thing is you can when you get home....get on the same page:love:
Something I was thinking was ( maybe not be the case) but maybe you really have such joy in getting ready and traveling
ect....she might feel you do not feel the same kinda Joy with spending time with her.....and....she might have rationalized...afterwards so apoligized to you....knows that is not the case...but her feelings are just that her feelings.
I do that sometimes....so was just wondering if maybe that was what happened.
Anyhoo :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Mirani]

Big hugs sweetie.

This IS a rollercoaster ... seems you are on the down bit at the moment.
You will start to rise again.
I am totally encouraged and supported by Amanda. BUT sometimes we can irritate the hell out of each other and say things that we wish we hadn't but you cant take it back.

Hope your day does get better. Thinking of you. x

[Ronni Seymour]

Hope your day has gotten better, Kim. How familiar the feeling you speak of. Sometimes those relationships with our wives and our crossdressing can cross paths the wrong way. They feel hurt and we feel like crap (as you said, a freak). Yes, yes, know the feeling so well.
:hugs:

[TGMarla]

Can't say or do anything that will make it better, as you well know.

Clearly you need a hug.

So...:hugs:

[steftoday]

Kim - sorry that you are down...:sad:

I can't offer much more than most of the sage advice that others have given here... I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

can I offer one too? :hugs:

[ReineD]

Well, nothing to be done about it now, at this point I'd rather put my wet finger into a light socket than proceed with my plans to fly as Kim. She told me two or three times "I'm sorry" as I put my stuff away and put on my guy clothes, but now I feel like a freak again and am depressed as hell.

Kim, how long have you been married? :) How long has your wife known about Kim? :) How long has it been since the two of you made the tacit agreement that you should dress when you travel? :)

Your wife's mood is NOT about you, nor is it about the CDing. It could be lots of other things:

1. She just had a baby this year and her freedom is severely limited. Probably none of her friends are toting around new babies, and she feels more alone. (I felt the same way when I had my child at the age of 38). She could also have a touch of post-partum depression.

2. She sees the cutbacks all around her, including your company's recent week off policy, and she is worried. Call it the mother's instinct to protect her newborn child.

3. She came home the other night and saw the results of the Kim bomb on your bed when you were taking pics for ebay. So maybe she doesn't realize that your prime reason for doing this was to sell the clothing. Maybe she is afraid you are unsatisfied with your current level of dressing. Maybe she thinks that you feel stressed and she is worried about you.

4. When was the last time you had some alone, romantic time together? During your next week off, why don't you stay with the munchkin and treat your wife to a day at the spa. Then get a sitter and the two of you have a nice night out!


It has far more to do with fact that my wife is quite clearly resenting what I am. Rational or not, logical or not, she is unhappy with me.

Um ... you know how highly I think of you, right? :hugs: But, (do I detect a bit of 'all or nothing', or 'black/white' thinking here)? So stop it! Take some time alone with your wife and tell her how devastated you feel that she is unhappy with you. Ask her if there is anything else that is bothering her that she hasn't told you about. Reassure her that if she needs you to be there for her, you will gladly change your dressing habits until the two of you have figured out what is wrong.

My guess (since she already apologized 2 or 3 times) is that she will not even consider asking you to dress less. She loves you very much and she DOES NOT think you are a freak. You are one of the sweetest people I have ever met. You are a fantastic husband, father, and your family is clearly your priority! Of course your wife knows this.
:love:

[heatherdress]

Kimberly - You did the right thing and took care of your wife's important needs. She knows that and don't lay on additional feelings that you think she might have. You were there for her and put her first. I admire that. I also wonder if your wife is experiencing additional pressures due to your work situation. She might have fears about your security. She may say things that hide her worries. You were a good partner today and made a big sacrifice. I admire that.

[docrobbysherry]

Thanks for the thoughts, advice, and the smiles all. Still, no way around it - today is gonna be a bummer and at this point it really has little to do with the fact that I'm not traveling pretty. It has far more to do with fact that my wife is quite clearly resenting what I am. Rational or not, logical or not, she is unhappy with me. I can point out to her all day long that I have to leave - that's my job. There is no logical reason in the world that I shouldn't take advantage of the fact that I have to leave for my job. The problem is that somewhere in the back of her head and in her emotions, she's got it twisted around to where she feels as if I chose to leave so I can cross dress, and oh, by the way, I might do a little work while I'm out there having fun. It's a woman thing. I can do the guy thing and explain how irrational this is all day long, and all it's going to do is dig the wound a little deeper (yeah, I tried that before).

U must give up CDing cold turkey! ( Rite AFTER SCC, so I get to meet u!):heehee:

That way, U and the Mrs. can live happily ever after!:)

NOT buying it, Kim? Well, how 'bout this one then:
The only folks with no problems, live at Forest Lawn!:doh:

As a divorced guy, I'm TRULY SORRY!:sad:

I WISH I had something that mite help!:brolleyes:

U have my sympathy, girl!

[sherri52]

Kim your so is probably going through something at this time. She most likely is going to miss you and that bothers her and she took it out on you without thinking it through

[MsJanessa]

Haven't you been married about 20 years or so? In all that time I'm sure that you have had spats with your wife===and sometimes we say things in a brief flash of anger that we regret later---from your posts it seems like she accepts your crossdressing--and even particpates on occasion, yes? So let the matter slide---many of us here have had far less understanding wives--I suspect you will both be fine

[BLUE ORCHID]

A Big [Hug] For KIM
.................................................. ................thanks........ORCHID

[Tip or Ozma]

I would take a deep breath and let it go. For this time, she should get priority treatment. I think she had enjoyed your new found time together and was disappointed.

It sound like both of you have plenty of good feelings in each other's accounts. this is just a minor withdrawal.

How long will you be in Detroit? There is a small lingerie shop called Tina Marie's in Southfield. You may find a jewel, or two there. They have always been friendly to me in drab.

I find just taking a walk helps to relieve any depression.

[ReineD]

Kim, I just read one of your latest blogs about the birthday present from your wife's aunt and uncle. This is awesome! :) And happy belated birthday! :Party: And I saw your ebay page. Very nice!

So it occurred to me that your wife may be reading hidden motives in your latest actions. What is her attitude with regards to coming out to family in general, neighbors, church community, or your work? If the two of you had been keeping the CDing private, the small inroads you are making now with some family members and posting your pictures on a public site like ebay might be causing your wife to think that you are reaching a new level of CDing.

Even though husbands assure their wives that they are happy being husbands and fathers while also expressing their femme selves, it is never far from a GGs mind that everything could change. Of course there are some GGs who will support a transition or living full time, but you well know this is difficult for most especially if they are raising young children. A common thought among GGs is that if their husband comes out slowly to family and friends, then will this lead to wanting to dress full time since there would be no reason to be in drab again.

So maybe your wife is noticing some subtle changes, and she is drawing her own conclusions? Maybe she is afraid of being left behind? Just a thought. :hugs: :hugs:

[Jenny J]

Well Kim, something is bothering your wife. Whether it’s your Crossdressing or just being gone because of the job, but it’s probably best to try to get this straightened out as soon as possible.

The uncertainty of your job could certainly be a factor too. She’s counting on you to be the bread winner and while you might not think she’s aware of your situation, she is and is probably scared also.

Perhaps it is that she’s a new mom again. Your kids seemed to be spread out so maybe she is not happy rearing another one from scratch. You did say one is going into the Navy and there’s the 6 year old. Could be she thought the child rearing days were heading toward adolescences.

I wouldn’t be that depressed about it. She seems to be a real gem and has tolerated your CDing up to now. A nice warm friendly talk airing out each other’s thoughts and feelings seems to be in order.

Get a babysitter and take her out for an evening on the town and talk about these issues. Don’t let them fester. That can be just as depressing and the initial problem.

There’s my :2c:

Good Luck

Jen

:rose2:

[IwishIwasTracy]

I have to agree with Kim. My wife talks about me as being her Prince Charming, and Prince Charming never wore the dress in any Disney movies. 99% of the time I am willing to be her Prince Charming, but sometimes I need to be my Princess Charming and she doesn't get that. We all have this side of ourselves that we have learned to accept or it would crush us. My wife doesn't understand the enormous amount of pressure I am under in dealing with this. I am sure that most woman could not handle it if they had to deal with something like this, it never goes away, and if you ignore it, it just builds and builds until something breaks.

Tracy

[Mirani]

I am sure that most woman could not handle it if they had to deal with something like this,
Tracy

OH dear - I was with you up to this point.

Silly thing to say.
:doh:

[kimmy p]

One of the cost cutting measures my company has been taking is to force everyone to take a week off every two months or so. It doesn't matter if you have the vacation time saved, or have to take it unpaid, you must take the week off. Usually when they do this, at least a few people have to work and this last week I was one of them. Fortunately, my task was to man the tech support hotline, and this can be done from home using my cell phone, so last week I spent the entire week at home with my wife. Each morning we walk my 6 year old daughter to school about a mile and a half or so away. Well, today I have to fly to Detroit so I told my wife "Sorry, I've got to get ready for my flight and so won't be walking with you."
"Why not? You have plenty of time since your flight isn't until almost noon." she asked me. I have no idea why, but her tone was more than a little belligerent. Clearly she was angry that I didn't intend to walk with her. I started to explain that since I was gonna fly as Kimberly, it takes a bit longer to get ready, and she interrupted me.
"Oh, I get it. That's more important to you than we are!" and then she turned and walked out of the room. I sat there kind of stunned, because I really didn't think that I had deserved that. Most mornings I would have been on the way to work and she would have walked my daughter by herself anyway, but like I often tell people - we TG's have our head trips and our wives have theirs. Well, nothing to be done about it now, at this point I'd rather put my wet finger into a light socket than proceed with my plans to fly as Kim. She told me two or three times "I'm sorry" as I put my stuff away and put on my guy clothes, but now I feel like a freak again and am depressed as hell. I was hoping for an amusing day and am instead stuck with a long boring day in airports and airplanes, all the while knowing that my wife resents me. Did I mention that I'm seriously depressed?

Sometimes people just have a bad day. She usually doesn't mind right? Just roll with the punches. Sounds like a typical FBM (Female bitchy moment). No offense there. Most GG's will admit to them.

[JulieC]

I started to explain that since I was gonna fly as Kimberly, it takes a bit longer to get ready, and she interrupted me.
"Oh, I get it. That's more important to you than we are!" and then she turned and walked out of the room. ... She told me two or three times "I'm sorry" as I put my stuff away and put on my guy clothes, but now I feel like a freak again

My marriage is incredible, and I love my wife dearly. She is 100% supportive of me crossdressing.

There's no such thing as a perfect marriage, and we constantly work at it.

A problem we have is that my wife might get upset with me about X, and instead want me to do Y. Then, if I stop doing X and do Y instead, she'll be upset for a different reason.

I've complained about this before; it's a no win scenario. If I do what she wants, she gets upset. If I don't do what she wants, she gets upset.

Thankfully, to date, X has never been crossdressing. I don't want to know what it feels like. I'm sorry you're facing it Kim.

[Ediosa]

Kim,
Nothing against you. Love your stories and love the person you are. So, take this at heart. You are sounding like your wife right now. Hell, you are sounding like my ex-wife. Therefore, you are acting like your wife was when she stated that statement. My lord, as my male side will say, "Get a pair". She did say that she was sorry 2 or 3 times. She understood she said something wrong and that it hurt you. She understands that, so take it for what it's worth. Plus, it wasn't about crossdressing, it was about her not being with you. You have no idea how many times I had to hear that same statement from my ex-wife that I didn't want to be with her when I had to go to work early, while I was in the Navy. It was my job for Pette's sake and our financial means. After calling her out on that, she just basically told me that she just wants to be with me. Makes perfect sense.

Your reaction is way, way and way overboard. I know we are crossdresser and we are trying to emulate a woman, but sometimes it becomes way to much. Think it though, accept her apology, tell her how you felt, and then hug her, kiss her and love her. That will make it the best.

Sorry so hard, but sometimes a girl has to hear it once in a while. :D
:love:

Elizabeth

[Angie G]

My wife has come on like that in the past. I think it's part of there job as wives.:hugs:
Angie

[Rachel Morley]

I only have one thing to say ..... listen and take heed to the oh so very wise and very wonderfu, "Goddess of Near St. Louis." - the lovely Reine :)

[paulaN]

Here's a hug for ya Kim. (hug)!!!! I know you are bummed right now and there is nothing I can do about it. But I do have 2 cents to add. Let it go. Let what she said go. Leave it at that, and move forward. Do not dwell on it. If you do it will cause much more trouble than it is worth. So snap out of it Please!!!! I know I know it might take some time. Time heals all wounds. And you have been wounded. Be well my friend.

["Mary"]

Bummer Kim. I feel bad for you being disappointed, but I'm so jealous of your frequent and extensive outings one less shouldn't be such a biggie. Friction with your wife - I'm sad for you and figure with your open commo this ought to blow over soon, huh?

[AllieSummers]

Hi Kimberly,

We all have bad days. Maybe this was just a bad day for your wife. There might not be any deep seated resentment. I wouldn't read too much into it unless it becomes a pattern.

I bet it had less to do with your CDing than it did with her wishes to be with you. I know that my wife loves spending time with me and when I'm off on vacation or something she has a harder time letting go when I have to go back to work.

Don't be depressed. Just let her know that you love her and everything will be ok.

Kisses,

Allie

[Dutchess]

Anyway Kimberly...she may have been irrational and snapped a bit for a second, but it's probably because she enjoys the time as a family and walking to school together and was disappointed about that, not upset about Kimberly.
And I'm sure she really, truly is sorry.....

:yt:

I have been accepting from the start but when I read your story , I could see what she was upset about ,,it wasn't Kimberly, she just wanted that last bit of time with you ,,even though you weren't going away forever or anything,, she just loves you .

[Sometimes Steffi]

I think the boundaries are always changing.

My wife tolerates, but does not accept my CDing. We have a "don't ask, don't tell" arrangement; she doesn't want to see me dressed.

Now she's moving the boundaries into the "blue zone".

I've been wearing men's cotton night shirts to bed for at least 15 years. Most of mine are so old they're practically worn out. They pretty much don't make night shirts for men any more. When I found some in the women's department of Kohl's, I bought a couple. Now even though these are technically women's, they are fire engine read and navy blue with patriotic designs on them. When my wife saw me wearing one of them, she told me it was too feminine. Now my 10 year old guy ones are too feminine also. There's no mistaking these for women's, but to keep the peace, I'm switching to men's PJs.

[Emily01]

when i'm feeling down, beleaguered, fearful, put upon, even sad, ....whatever.....i try to list the things i'm grateful for. it's kind of like balancing the emotional checkbook. for example it's hard to be grateful and resentful at the same time - in fact, it's impossible. it doesn't make the issue go away but it offers perspective that my feelings don't allow for.

[FluffyPersian]

Kimberly,

You're one of the nicest people on this forum, so I hate to say anything critical, but I think your wife is in the right here. As your wife asked, is flying as Kimberly more important than spending time with your daughter? It's fine to use your travel as an opportunity to dress, but then why not dress when you get to the hotel? It must be fun to fly as a woman, but your family's needs should get priority.

But whatever you do, please don't beat yourself up. You're a wonderful, sensitive person, and you deserve to love yourself.

[DinaMature]

Kim, you are usually such a beam of sunlight in our world... I am very sorry for your current funk.
I'm sure I'm joining a chorus of many voices, wishing you all the best and hoping this is just a brief event.

Take care, and good luck.

[suchacutie]

First, I, like many here, admire you, your courage, and your successes in exploring your feminine side. Hugs!

Now to the point: emotions. After 36 years married, I've finally learned that events like you just experienced are not exclusive to CDing. My opinion: she wanted and needed you with her just then. Why is not necessarily important and maybe even she doesn't know. For some reason, I will bet anything that in the 12 to 24 hours before that her expectation was that you would be with her, and for whatever reason she needed that emotionally.

This is a terrific opportunity to explain that you understand NOW that she wanted you there and that you are sorry you didn't understand that at the time, or even that you didn't realize you had raised her expectations that you would be there. Hey, she clearly loves you and needs you! That's soooo positive. It's just bad luck that the one thing that was 'taking' you from her at the time was becoming Kim. I am sure that ANY activity that she perceived at that moment as being "optional" would have elicited the same response.

Sit down and talk about it with her. Tell her yet again that nothing is more important than she is, and that you are proud to walk with her. Ask why is was important at that moment so that you can not miss the signs again.

I think it's an important conversation that every long-term married has had at one time or another. I sure have, and it was long before Tina arrived.

All my best!
tina

[robyn1114]

Hopefully you got it all worked out after you got back

[Chari]

Warm girlfriend hugs to you Kim! So you've hit another "speed bump" in your life! You've had tougher times before - you have survived them all and probably some with the help of your wonderful wife! You can do it again! Your wife may have had a twinge of loneliness thinking she will be alone once more while you travel about being Kim. Look at all the positive aspects of your life - great wife, kids, family, still employed, healthy, etc. - and be thankful! Keep your communications open, accept her apology, and do something very special for her. Only you know what she likes best. You'll both feel better for it!

[Dena]

Sounded to me like she was disappointed that you chose not to spend those few minutes with them, more than "who you are".

[Tara_G]

Cheer up Kimberly, Freescale laid me off after 11 years so they could replace out entire mgmt team in China.

Things could be a lot worse.
I also have a wife and sometimes we (TG's) don't take the time to treat them how we would like to be treated as a lady.

Take her some flowers and watch a chickflick or something.

p.s. I tried to hook up with you before but you must have been busy. :bighug: