Bad News

[carson]

My wife told me last night she thinks maybe I ought to move out. Our relationship has been strained for a while, so I know it's not just the cross dressing, but that appears to have been the straw that broke the camel's back.

I've always seen my wife as an open-minded and accepting person, but apparently that only applies to others. She is not comfortable with any alternative choices (choice? did I choose to be this way?) within her own family. She doesn't like the image or connotations it denotes. She, personally, lives a rather conservative lifestyle. (I thought I did too?)

I think what prompted her to bring up the subject was that when she came home last night with my daughter, they both noticed a chair and magazine rack out of place in the living room. She immediately knew I had been taking pictures. (I forgot to put the damn things back!) She was upset and said that by making it obvious what I had been doing, I was "rubbing her nose in it." Also, she noticed a tiny bit of eye liner I failed to wash off and discovered tissues smudged with foundation in the waste paper basket in my own bathroom adjacent to my (home) office. She said if we had someone over and they noticed those things it would cause an embarassing situation. And to top it off. A girlfriend of hers who was over at the house last weekend saw me in shorts and supposedly commented on my shaved legs. My wife said she was tongue tied.

So, between our other stressful issues and the cross dressing, my wife wants me to move out. Maybe it's for the better, but I sure wasn't prepared for this. It's going to break my heart not to see my little girl every day and tuck her in every night. (She said she still wants me to be involved with her - take her to school some mornings, take her to dinner, etc.) My wife and I have been friends since 1978 and have been married since 1996. She says she doesn't want a divorce, she just wants to save a friendship right now and she thinks I need my personal space and privacy. For the issues other than the cross dressing (that will never go away) could this be a chance for a turnaround? Or is it just the beginning of the end?

I'm so very, very sad.

[Julie York]

I have not been in any situation similar but you have my sympathies.

But if you have marriage problems unrelated to your CD life...maybe if you could somehow mend those...you'd have half the fence mended? Maybe get some marriage councelling or something for the other problems and then if the CD stuff comes up, you can even try to deal with that....or get a better understanding of her point of view (and her of yours).?


Good luck anyway.

[Emily Ann Brown]

I don't think moving out is as good as staying in and talking, but I know when the wife and I are apart for a couple of days we really remember why we married and how much we love being with each other. Coin could land either way in your case.

I hope this doesn't sound like betrayal by a sister, but knowing she doesn't want anyone to know and she's not comfortable with it maybe you should be more careful to not give her opportunity to complain. shucks, if my wife knew but would look the other way I would never wear shorts again and take my photos in the garage.

Emily Ann

[Stephenie]

Carson,

I am in a situation some what like your. She hasn't told me to move out yet but she has sugjested that I should think about it. I so far have said that I don't think that it is a good idea nor would it help us as a couple. I am away on egde when we are upset because I know that she might demand I leave because of a small matter that gets to be that last straw. It's hard to feel comfortable in your own home like this. If you have a choice don't leave. Once your out it will be hard to get back together. Try and talk with her and see ifyou can reach some kind of understanding. I know that If I were to leave the chances of getting back together would be very slim. I feel for you sis and hope for the best.

[PaulaJeanette]

Carson,

Sorry to hear about your wife's expression of non-acceptance to your crossdressing. For now, be patient, slowdown, regroup and, most importantly, LISTEN to what she's saying...don't just hear the words!

What she is saying is her truth regardless of whether you believe it is valid or not. Just remember...the objective is to gain her acceptance of your crossdressing. So, therefore, be mindful to address and pay attention to HER concerns and NOT focus only on what you believe is your right to be yourself, specifically, to crossdress.

You've both invested many years in your marriage and you have a daughter that needs both parents. So, work on those areas as well and don't just focus on yourself. Believe me, it is all worth saving!

She knows you crossdress, she has now told you she's not comfortable with it, so don't, as she says...rub her nose in it. There are a few things you could do to HELP YOURSELF gain her tolerance and, hopefully, her acceptance. What you can do is eliminate those barriers leading to her acceptance. For example, make sure to remove ALL your make-up...be extra careful especially in those areas like mascara, eyeliner, etc. Also, don't leave telltale signs that you've been crossdressing, such as moved furniture or tissue with make-up in the waste basket, etc. With regard to her friends that mentioned your shaved legs, wear long pants when she is over or, maybe hold-off on shaving your legs. Basically, be discrete!

I realize this post may be rubbing some of the others the wrong way but what I've found is that gaining acceptance is about both you and your wife finding the WIN-WIN. What that is I can't say...none of us can say...only you and your wife can decide what that is. In the mean time, be patient and don't forget to pay attention to her needs as well as your wants.

Good luck,

Paula J

[carson]

Thank you all for caring and for your input. You all have made valid points and of course, some things I was happier to hear than others. But even if I was uncomfortable with some of the commentary, they were all insightful observations and I must deal with those points whether I like or agree with them or not.

Thanks again. I'll keep you posted.

[michellej]

Oh, my goodness, how hurtfull, I hope things work out in the long run. My thoughts are with the both of you. Not a fun situation to be in. I was there once too, and you brought back sorrow and sadness. I'm happy now, though, and it was time that took care of it. Remember that..... time does cure things, or at least make them not hurt quite as bad. I'm still alive, and glad of it!

[Priscilla1018]

Carson,I am so sorry to hear this.Your last post,everything seemed fine.I have never been in this position and so have no advice to offer,but,both of you are in my thoughts and prayers my friend.

[Mira]

What about moving into another bedroom temporarily? Also, if you do move out, and not seek a divorce, I would bargain with her over counselling. Time apart can help, but you and her need to first and foremost (even above your daughter's needs) agree that the marriage is worth saving and that you both will put forth the necessary effort.

It will be tough on your child during this period, but mommy and daddy need put aside some time to discuss what's going to happen next so no one ends up in divorce court. Maybe she needs her space, maybe you need a dash of understanding, but seeking professional help just might be the catalyst to salvaging 9 years of marraige. I wish you and your family the best.

[tammie]

Hi All: Can u stand one more sugesstion? Maybe she should move out? If she thinks its intolerable then perhaps she needs to leave and think things over. If U move out U concede that U R all wrong. Lacking demonstrable neglect or moral corruption of a minor IE your daughter seeing dad in a negligee U have not done anything to warrant being removed from your home. Suggest this to her, being very careful not to raise your voice. Then in he next breath suggest counceling. She is sure to not want to leave so she will probably be willing to try that. Be prepared to address your fetish, also do not admit to being anything but a stable and loving faithful husband and parent.

[paulaN]

sorry to hear about your situation. As you know the woman always wins. even if you agree to what ever she demands and stay together she has won. I hope the very best for you both. one thing I would do is to never dress at home there is always the chance of leaving that little thing behind unintentionly (sp). go and get a room. or something. have all your stuff locked in a trunk. that is a start. I wish the best for ya. remember were all pullen for ya

[carson]

What about moving into another bedroom temporarily? Also, if you do move out, and not seek a divorce, I would bargain with her over counselling. Time apart can help, but you and her need to first and foremost (even above your daughter's needs) agree that the marriage is worth saving and that you both will put forth the necessary effort.

It will be tough on your child during this period, but mommy and daddy need put aside some time to discuss what's going to happen next so no one ends up in divorce court. Maybe she needs her space, maybe you need a dash of understanding, but seeking professional help just might be the catalyst to salvaging 9 years of marraige. I wish you and your family the best.

Once again,

Michellej, Priscilla, Mira. Thank you all.

To answer your question(s) Mira, our house is rather small. I actually spent about 14 months sleeping on the living room sofa. Not fun. Plus, it's not just that kind of space my wife wants (we haven't been together in almost 3 yrs. - told you things were strained!) anyway, my wife wants me out of the house entirely. At this point, even though I'm in shock over it, I'm thinking it may not be a bad idea. Go to neutral corners so we can see the forest for the trees, so to speak.

And yes, we are setting up an appointment to see a marriage counselor. I think she's sincere when she says she loves me and wants to save our friendship first and then try to get back on track. I certainly agree. All the issues that have caused tension are normal couples stuff I see no reason why we can't get past. But I'm really concerned that the cross dressing will be a stumbling block. True, I must learn how to be very careful and discreet. I really try! She's never caught me in all these years. But now that she knows, I'm at once relieved yet terrified that if I slip up, she'll crucify me!

Most importantly is our daughter. I told my wife we absolutely must talk to therapists or who ever and learn how we're going to present the issue of Daddy not living at home. God, that thought just kills me. My daughter is my greatest joy!

[carson]

Hi Tammie and Paula*

I appreciate you input. No, Tammie, I'm not going to suggest she move out. As much as I love to be with my daughter, she's better off with the ever- present nurturing of her mother and I'm certainly not going to dislodge my daughter from her home.

Paula*, I'd genuinely like to hear how you handle how and where you dress. You see, for me, it's kind of a spontaneous thing. And I also like being dressed when I work (when my wife's not home - I have a home office) so "getting a room" (what, exactly do you mean?) would not feel really right for me. As far as how I store my wardrobe, you bet I've got a locked trunk!

[JoAnnDallas]

Just me two cents worth. Mabey Abstaining for a while, until thing settle down. She now knows, by abstaining, you will not be rubbing it into her nose, so to speak. Mabey thru the consoler, you can bring it up and come to a comprimise.
It also looks like your difference with your wife goes further back than your CDing, so you need to solve those issues first then address your CDing.
I leave thursday to go back to West Virginia to close on the house and move the wife and cats back to here in Plano, TX. So I will be abstaining for a while, since she doesn't know that I am a CD.

[carson]

Must go get my little one from school, I'll respond to posts later. Thank you ALL ever so much! :hugs:

[umbrellagirl GG]

I just wanted to say I am so sorry you're going through this. The girlfriend's comment on your legs didn't have to be a big deal in my mind. I know would just blow it off had I been in that position - I'd simply say "hmm. Some guys like to shave their legs. Whatever." It's no big deal and none of the friend's business either.

Maybe counseling will help your wife come around to you. If she is going to recommend something as drastic as you moving out, I think she should be open to counseling. A mind is like a parachute - it works best when it is open. I think she needs to be more openminded about your CDing.

I doubt this post helps but I wanted to reply and wish you the best of luck. Painful times are painful. Hopefully you'll come out this with a more solid marriage.

Hugs,

Melody (I'm a gg)

[norbie]

Hi Carson,
just consider it, I would rather call it sad news for both. I think you have a great Lady who is also heart broken. There is the very majority of woman out there who will NEVER understand or accept CD's.
. (She said she still wants me to be involved with her - take her to school some mornings, take her to dinner, etc.) My wife and I have been friends since 1978 and have been married since 1996. She says she doesn't want a divorce, she just wants to save a friendship right now and she thinks I need my personal space and privacy.
In saying this she understands that you will never be able to change. And there is a hurt between the lines....
So my thoughts?
I would move out and would take every oportunity to see her and your girl as often as you can - as a fine Gentleman please.
This is the sad lot of CD's and TG - it will take an other 50 years for society to be educated. Sad but true.
Just my thoughts I wish you well.
Hug from Norbie

[Tristen Cox]

She says she doesn't want a divorce, she just wants to save a friendship right now and she thinks I need my personal space and privacy. For the issues other than the cross dressing (that will never go away) could this be a chance for a turnaround? Or is it just the beginning of the end?


This last part sounds promising. My advice slow down. Talk more with her but don't make it something she 'has' to talk about. This is obviously something she is unsure of how to deal with. The best way is together. No pressure on either side. No selfishness. And remember having a child is her main concern, keep that in mind. Things might be different without that factor, but it is not that way so always try to think from her point of view and concider what she is most afraid of.

Tell me to stfu anytime. Just worried about you.

[ladyjim]

I hope it all works out for you three Carson, I really mean that. You seem like a caring wonderful parent and Im in your corner for what its worth.

[cdaleli]

It is amazing the similarities ... i happen to be going through somewhat of a similar case at this moment. Needless to say, i am sad and somewhat worried because like you, carson, I do not want to loose them. My wife and I are going through this rough spot where my CDing is a cause of worry, we do have other problems, and are trying to work them out. Two nights ago we began a conversation about our feelings and points of views, how we percieved each other and how we were going to fix things between us, how to restart the spark of our marriage. We both ended up crying in various levels, for upsetness, and joyness. We really didn't come up with any solutions to our problems, but I believe that we both made each other think more carefully about our future.
As a side note I must say that my wife knew before we got married 5 years ago, we have been together 8, have two lovely children, and by the time of our 3 date I had told her about my CDing. I think she never really believed me at first, and it was tucked away until recently when she decided to do some research on it and join a support group. Since that moment she started to be a bit more distant from me, and things started to not work properly.
Since sunday things have changed after our cry-fest, I think that some feelings and thoughts needed to be shared and at this moment in time we are trying to work it out, I guess what I am saying is that having a heart to heart moment can be a good thing, but certainly listen to what she has to say, it may take more than one night, but it is the beginning. We have also agreed to seek help and we are both sure that we want to make this work.
If anyhting I wish for the best for you and your family, and wanted to share some hope with you... good luck and keep us posted
:thumbsup:

[JenniRose]

Make peace with yourself. Once you do that you will know the way to go. Regardless of the way, I, and most of us, wish you only the best!

[ronna]

Lissen to me, Carson,
Here's exactly what you need to do:

You tell your wife that you got her a new 'boy toy' and you're it and that she can do whatever she likes with it.

She can dress you up like a baby and toss you around like a rag doll, but you will be there for her to do with as she wishes.

You have to know how to please them.

disclaimer:
this is just generic advice and not specifically customized for you personally.

[Ava Mouse]

Men are from Mars, Women from Venus (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0060574216/qid=1121825904/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-0727062-3685736?v=glance&s=books&n=507846)

Don't laugh, when I read that book, my parent's failed marriage suddenly made sense. I think MOST marriages fail simply because of the reasons in this book. And reading it helped me strengthen my marriage...

Get it now, read it cover to cover, then take it to your wife. Explain that your marriage is THE most important thing to you, and you're willing to change, go to counseling, WHATEVER it takes...

I can't say whether you'd be willing to give up CDing, that's something you'll have to decide, but if it's like you say, more than CDing that upsets her, then this book will help you...

[carson]

I really am touched and overwhelmed by the outpouring of support. The number of you who have posted since I last had a chance to check in is more than I feel I can properly thank so please just accept a collective :thanks: Many good thoughts and ideas have been expressed which I may use or modify to suit my particular situation and I hope no one will mind if I PM you for a little one on one if I want to pick your brain some more. Thanks again for the love. :hugs:

[Olivia]

I, too, carson, am so sad to hear about this development. I haven't been there but Ive come close to moving and the thought of leaving my kids behind always pushed me back. You have my sincerest sympathies and concerns girlfriend. I know how much good advice you've been given and you can sort it all out; go slowly, keep your self-esteem intact. Hang in there hard carson, good luck, Olivia.

[uknowhoo]

WOW, it would seem you have plenty of caring advise to ponder.

I'd like to echo what cdaleli had to say. I expect you may have had a "cryfest" or two with your wife over th past 27 years. I know that sort of knock-down, drag -out, emotionally-draining type of exchange, sometimes over the course of a whole day (or two), has been very beneficial for my wife and me when we had stuff to work out. It has often brought us to a deeper level of intimacy and connectedness.

I also think Joann's suggestion of abstaining could be quite useful. If you could put your dressing on hold for the sake of your marriage, it could well make a difference...showing your wife how important the mariage is to you. Hopefully she'll come to better terms with it over time, and you could resume your girly activities a little later on.

Another possibility, tho it might sound a bit far-fetched... perhaps you could get together with another member of our forum. It's obvious you have alot of friends and support here. Many of us are single or have understanding SO's, maybe it could provide you an outlet for your dressing.

Anyway, my heart goes out to you. You and your family will remain in my (our) prayers.

Hugs, Tammi

P. S. You may want to order a copy of "my Husband Wears My Clothes" to give her when the time is right (in addition to men/Mars, women/Venus).

[JoannaDees]

You don't have to leave your kids. You can have a relationship without being in the same house, maybe even better. Trust me. If you both keep the kids in mind, it does work. What won't work is a household of distrust, anger, sadness and inequality. The children WILL pick up on that.

Now. All of you! Stop! Stop wishing for the GG shield, the shield to validate your heterosexuality you think is compromised by rejecting the ridiculous male expectations of this planet. They are NOT magical. Any woman who all of a sudden decides that this man with these characteristics that she loved FOR YEARS is somehow NOW deficient is flawed. She cannot see the forest, only the trees. She is conditioned, she is afraid of what others think. She is not thinking rationally. You are the same man you always were, YOU KNOW THAT! She should too. STOP! Stop giving them mystical powers. They are human, they are flawed.

My empathetic heart bleeds for all of you battling the outings. But you DO matter. It is NOT ALL ABOUT THEM!!!!! It is disheartening to hear all the chatter about cowtowing to her needs. What of YOUR needs? Does SHE care?

Forget about the lying for years myth. You KNOW that years ago, if told, they'd bolt. YOU KNOW THAT! Women already use sex for power, now you let them use gender.

Yes, not in a good mood tonight. But it prompts me. I tire of the subservience to the GG of this forum, to your wives and girl friends. You fawn all over them. You give them undeserved power. I have NO idea of the morals or values of these women. All I see is a haughty attitude ... a false crowning. A crowning you all give to them.

DISCLAIMER: I do love women and think they are wonderful, fantastic, strong, beautiful, inspiring. This post is mainly to the CD's who are giving themselves up just for their favor when maybe they don't deserve that status. Maybe they do. Just think about it.

I await your flames .....................

[crispy]

well said, Joanna. You'll get no flaming from me, hun. Good to have you around :)

[carson]

JoannaDees,

I appreciate your input. At least the first paragraph - quite true. But I've been married twice now, and have learned, if nothing else, that anger and ranting get you nothing but a whole lot of exhaustion. But thanks for your passion on the subject.

[JoannaDees]

JoannaDees,

I appreciate your input. At least the first paragraph - quite true. But I've been married twice now, and have learned, if nothing else, that anger and ranting get you nothing but a whole lot of exhaustion. But thanks for your passion on the subject.

You read more into it than there is. And acquiescence and prostration give you nothing more than pain.

[suzanne]

Hi Tammie and Paula*

I appreciate you input. No, Tammie, I'm not going to suggest she move out. As much as I love to be with my daughter, she's better off with the ever- present nurturing of her mother and I'm certainly not going to dislodge my daughter from her home.

Paula*, I'd genuinely like to hear how you handle how and where you dress. You see, for me, it's kind of a spontaneous thing. And I also like being dressed when I work (when my wife's not home - I have a home office) so "getting a room" (what, exactly do you mean?) would not feel really right for me. As far as how I store my wardrobe, you bet I've got a locked trunk!
i think this is all common

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

I HATE people with small minds,,,CROSSDRESSING NEVER KILLED ANYONE,,,,,,
ur not out having affairs or doin drugs or killing people,,,( i hope),,,,,,,

SO WHAT if someone finds out u dress???? she should be adult about how to handle it........

EVERYONE who knows me knows i dress and its no big deal,,,, and my wife luvs that i dress.. :D

sorry that u have to move out tho that sucks and u might not see ur girl as much anymore,,

[Marla GG]

Carson,
I am sorry to hear of the difficult time you are having right now and the hard decisions that lie ahead for you and your wife. I really feel for you.

Others have already given you plenty to think about, and at the risk of overwhelming you, I would like to offer another perspective.

Sometimes, when crossdressing becomes an issue in a relationship, the problem is not the fact that the husband is a crossdresser, but the when, where, and how of it. I have talked to many wives over the years who, when asked "What do you dislike about your husband's dressing?" would say "Everything! I hate everything about it!" But when you get them to open up about their feelings, it turns out that what actually bothers them the most are things like:

he spends all this time dressing up and taking pictures while neglecting his responsibilities around the house, or

he is spending all this money on clothes and wigs that we should be saving for our daughter's college education, or

he has more time for his online friends than he has for me, or

he doesn't seem to give a damn about my feelings because he is being careless about things that could potentially embarrass me in front of friends and family.

I could go on and on, but my point is that when you get right down to it, a good many wives' objections to crossdressing really boil down to disagreements over more basic things like trust, fairness, and allocation of time and resources. And Carson, those are negotiable, solvable issues. A lot of times though, the true issues never get discussed and the wife may even be unaware of what her real issues are because it is easier just to say "I want him to stop dressing." That is where counseling can be so helpful.

You have explained that there are other problems in your relationship and that your crossdressing may only be the proverbial "straw that broke the camel's back." Well, conflicts over crossdressing can be mended just like any other relationship problems. If you both want to save your marriage and your family, it can probably be done. In the end, only you can decide if it's worth it.

[Jenny Beth]

Great post Marla. Those of us with accepting SO's have learned (some the hard way) that we can never forget that the woman we love must never be neglected while we explore this side of ourselves.

[PaulaJeanette]

Marla,

Thank you. Your views as a GG are excellent and more of what we, crossdressers, need to hear. I even see one that I need to be mindful of...spending too much time enfemme and not getting things done around the house. And, yes, the issues you've raised are all solveable.

I also wholeheartedly agree with your perspective that, in many relationships, crossdressing is actually not the issue. As I work through the issue of my crossdressing with my wife, I find that there are other associated concerns which have an impact on our relationship, such as trust, truthfulness, etc. Additionally, there are also feelings and emotions intertwined. Andso, what most crossdressers may fail to see--because of our subconscious male gender biases--is that for GG's these are significantly more important.

Bottomline: It's not always ONLY the crossdressing...so look deeper and closer to other areas. Lastly, try to see things from your spouses perspective. I learn everyday.

Paula J

[Krissi]

Carson dear you have gotten some good advice and several points of view on here, but there is a detail you've given us that many are skipping. The fact that you've been in a strained relationship now for a while, already knowing about sleeping on the couch for a period of time, there is the issue. She may not like your crossdressing, may find issues with you leaving things out, or not cleaning up properly, or whatever. But she is going to do what a lot of women do and use the one thing that will make you feel bad as her excuse. Honestly the moving out might not be bad, as long as its not a full move out. Just a few things, a daddy is going on a trip kind of thing, for a couple weeks let the air cool. Before I did that though, I might consider a weekend alone, just you and her out of the house. Even if its at the cheap motel, a change of scenery, a semi public place to sit down and air out some differences. That might add a whole new perspective on things.

If you've had the kind of problems you sound like you have had, for the time you've had them, then this is going to be something that takes time. You may have to take a break from dressing. There may be things that she has to change. I will echo some of Joanna's sentiment. You don't have to cave and cower to her every whim. If you do, then you will be miserable, and believe me your daughter will pick up on that too. She knows something is up. Kids are a lot more perceptive than we give them credit for.

You have a long road ahead. Your relationship didn't get to this point overnight and it won't fix itself overnight either. BOTH of you have to work on it, and BOTH of you have to change. Keep you're head high, and try and change her mind about some things, but don't force your views on her either. Just like you shouldn't let her force her views on you. Good luck and just like all the other girls here, I'll be more than happy to help in anyway I can.

[DonnaT]

Sorry to hear the sad news Carson.

As you've mentioned, there's been an estrangement for some time now. So it sounds like she was looking for an excuse. Why else would she be looking in your waste basket, or worrying over the position of the furniture.

I believe you've made up your mind to move out, so I'll comment on that.

If you want to rekindle what you had, and if she is sincere that is what she wants. Then start fresh, calling for dates and such, sending her flowers, etc.

Good luck.

[Elysia]

I can’t think of much to add but want to express my good wishes for you. I hope things work out for the best for everyone.

I’m touched by your obvious devotion to your daughter. I hope whatever arrangement you make with your wife it will allow you to continue to be an important part of your daughter’s life.

Marla thanks for another excellent contribution. I’m really glad you take the time to think about these issues and to write so eloquently and compassionately.

[carson]

Once again, thank you all.

There are some things a couple of you have addressed which I would like to talk with you about, but unfortunately I don't have the time. I will get back to you ASAP, either on this thread or in a PM.

Thanks again for everybody's kindness

[Clare]

Oh Carson, this is too close to home for me. In my case, CD'ing was not a factor, but both her and I had our respective problems and it affected our relationship to the point where she just left me and took everything with her!

Based on what happened to me, I don't think its a good idea to move out. Take it from me, losing daily contact with your Child is devastating, let alone the opportunity to maintain dialogue with your wife. Once you seperate, it will be extremely hard to get back together (becomes awkward and uncomfortable).

The key at this point in your relationship is communication - lots of it. Try and talk with her and see if you can reach some kind of understanding. Concentrate on the issues that matter in your relationship, not so much about XDR'ing in early dicussions.

As you are experiencing, this is a very difficult situation to be, but unless you are having heated arguments, stay in the home and spend lots of time with you daughter - make sure your wife sees the love and devotion you have for your family - some may rub off on her.


Christine

[kathy gg]

Like many here, my heart goes out to you and your family during this tough time. Separation, divorce, ect all are difficult and as Mom myself my heart jsut ached at the thought of my husband not seeing our little girl everyday.

Many have given you food for thought and like all advice, take what applies and dump what does not.

My only advice was to touch on the subject that is so near and dear to my heart. And that is the issue of parenting. Obviously your wive has some very strong ideas about crossdressing and how it is percieved and what it implys. If she is worried about what her friends think regarding every tiny minute detail that she has issue with it is actually HUGE in her way of thinking (most likely).

Many women view cding as a negative infulence on their child. And they ask themselves these questions...
how will this affect ___
Will people not like ___ if this is found out about my husband.
will this scar her for life
woudl it be easier to remove him so we dont have deal with this

In many instances every worry, every concern, comes back to how is this going to effect my child and if so will it be negative and hurting? ANd when things start adding up it will be too much.

And any woman that has had a child will know this overwhelming protective instinct that comes over you and buddy get out of our way if we believe that something or someone is going to harm our childs life in any way shape or form. I also know fathers feel many of the same ways, but it is often women who will be the one to sever their husband if they believe he is a threat to their kids well being. We are truly like big mama bears and will attack.

LIke Marla said, these problems are solved by talking. becuase anyone can quickly blame crossdressing for any number of problems in ones life. But usually core issue at hand is more difficult to define. Every small problem has a larger one at its heart.

If you and your wife have much bigger issues that have not been worked on this could be the last straw, but if there is any love, I mean real love that you probably both once felt, it would be a good time to start reaching in and seeing if that is till there. Obviously you love your little girl, but staying together just for her is not a reason to stay together. Stay together because you still have love and passion and desire to be married to yoru wife.

most sincerely
kathy in canada