How many of you (us) who have gotten divorced....

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Got divorced because of dressing only????

Or got divorced because of dressing as well as unrelated other issues...

So what changes did you make in your life going forward from the divorce???

Regret the divorce and if because of the dressing issues along would go back and change it and keep the marriage and give up dressing?

I guess what I'm asking is if you have gotten divorced was it the dressing or other issues and what changes did you make after the divorce and do you regret getting divorced or did it turn out to be a good thing???

Each divorce is different and I knwo that but just curious to see what each of you have on your own situation....pleas share with us....

Thanks...

[brenda lynn mwe]

hello
well lets start by I've been married three times and getting a divorse now and yes all three were from the way I am I get alone with weman but just can't live with them I was very unhappy when I was married and now im going to live my life as who I am and be happy

[sometimes_miss]

My wife found a slip that I had inadvertantly left out while putting everything else away. We went to a marriage counselor, and while I'm sure everything else could have been worked out, she was just freaked by the crossdressing, and said that had she known before we got married, she never would have married me. I know she was part of an online SO support group, and was in contact with other wives of crossdressers; I overheard a few phone conversations (she would wander about the house, wearing an earphone with the cordless, and I guess she forgot that I could hear her side of the conversation), and it was pretty clear that she would never accept it; most of what I heard was how to get me to stop.

[Stitch]

I've been pondering this for awhile, and I daresay that the majority of divorces don't necessarily stem from "just crossdressing." Although I'm sure there are a couple that break down from issues surrounding it.

Now cross dressing isn't for everyone, and many women can't deal with it. Which is fine, after all we all have a choice of what we want from life. If you are upfront in the early parts of your relastionship then you can sift through women who don't mind and women who do. My partner was upfront with me at the start and I can't imagine my life without him. In my opinion by hiding things from people you care about you are robbing them of their choices.

A lot of the major problems surrounding crossdressing seem to come from the hiding of it, and the lies. I will admit if I fell in love and married someone and they decided to leave me in the dark of a huge part of who they are, I'd feel cheated and even robbed. I would lose a great deal of trust and respect once I found out. Not because of the dressing, but because I was never given the choice or chance to decide what I wanted, but that could be true about any truths that were obscured. People hide all sorts of things, dept, other families, obsessions, cheating... Its hard to get back to where you were in a relastionship once your perceptions of a person you really thought you knew are shaken. Thats where I think the biggest problems that cause divorce stem from.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Stitch....

Very well spoken....thank you for your comments!!!! Great job...

[RADER]

Yes; Divorce was about 60% of the reason for my first divorce. That is why
when I got married the 2 nd time, my wife new about my wish to Dress on
occasitions. We have a good understanding, and I can indulge in my dreams
from time to time with out any grumps. I consider myself lucky :) Rader

[Glenda58]

Yes the first wife found out I like to dress after she and her girls friends dress me up for a Halloween party at my house. And she found out I liked it and wanted to do it more. Left me saying she wanted a real man now she has a drunk.

Second wife did the same thing and dressed me for Halloween. Wanted to divorce me but got sick before it happen. Found out a was a good person and want to work it out. But she pass away before we could get thing right. But she made promise to tell who ever I went with about my CDing. So they would have a chance to say no and not feel that I trap them into marriage.

So I told my third wife before we got married and it's been 7 wks now.

[RobynP]

Excellent questions!

My wife and I divorced for a number of reasons. My crossdressing was one of the main reasons although there were several "main" reasons. What is ironic is that my wife hated my crossdressing at first but eventually accepted it and we even joined a husbands and wives CD group.

The biggest problem that my crossdressing caused is that it created a lot of emotional walls between us that were never fully torn down. There was a huge emotional distance between us that we couldn't seem to close...

The biggest change in my life is that I haven't remarried for a variety of reasons. Somehow I seem to be very attracted to women who hate crossdressing and not attracted at all to the women I've met who like my crossdressing... Go figure!

There is no way I could go back and keep the marriage by giving up my crossdressing. My ex and I attempted a reconciliation but she was very adamant that there was no way we could get back together if I was still crossdressing.

Do I regret the divorce? Sometimes yes and sometimes no... Besides losing my wife, I lost my lover and my best friend. However, there was a fundamental incompatibility between us that never would be resolved. I think emotionally and mentally we are both better off not being together.

I've learned my lesson the hard way... I will always disclose everything about me to any potential mates. Divorce is so f*%@(ng expensive, financially, mentally, emotionally, and physically that I never want to go through it again.

I hope someday to marry again but to the right person for the right reasons.

Robyn

[Terri Andrews]

Interesting topic,
I told first wife before we married ,but that was in the early 70`s and I didn`t realy understand my gender gift .
I would gues that my CD`ing was about 75% the reason she left .
Was single for about 8 years and then met and married someone who shares and enjoys this lifestyle .
BUT ,I wish that I had stayed single because I now find I want to be 24/7 and can`t because of my choices .
So now, I enjoy the freedom that I have .

[sherri52]

I have been divorced twice. The firs time for dressing only. The second time dressing was the major point the other part of that was getting custody of my 15 yr old son. The dressing I was fighting with my wife all the time and when I got my son she called it quits. He was a good boy but his presence interferred with her pefect world. We both had new cars, a newborn son with one one the way, we just had our house built and her father was moving in over the attached garage. He was just her excuse, The dressing was the real reason.

[Tip or Ozma]

Dressing (and hiding it) had something to do with the first three although it takes two in any relationship. I have now been married nearly fifteen years to a true companion, who knows about "me."It took some time, but opening up and not being afraid of the truth works. We have fun with crossdressing and many other things in our life. It helps get us through the tough times.

[Mrs. X (gg)]

BF outed to his soon to be ex years ago very early into their marriage when other issues were causing huge problems and he realized the relationship was doomed. There was way to many things going wrong in that marriage, including trust issues from both parts but she didn't want to let go. He decided to tell her in hopes it made her agree to a divorce faster... :eek: I know.

He didn't expected her to want to work it out afterall, for the "sake of the kids" and he agreed. In time all the "main" issues supposedly resolved less the cding part. She finally accepted she couldn't deal with this "gay, bi, unfit" behavior of his, she really never did grow fond of or wanted to support.

Now year later is actually one of the two the main reason for the divorce, the other one adultery from her part. Dejavu. As they say karma is a b*tch.

[Diane Lynn]

My ex-wife divorced me after she discovered I was a CD. She also told my 3 kids, ages 12, 14, and 16. They want nothing to do with me. There loss.

I have a new lady in my life. I told her right away about my need to dress. We shop for cloths together, helps me find the makeup I need. We have made several outing as girls. She even borrows my cloths. She is a great lady. I hope to make her my next wife. She did my makeup and hair and took my profile picture.

[tanya1976]

I'm not quite divorced yet but I am permanently seperated from my wife. She hated me crossdressing although her attitudes really only highlighted the gulf between the way we both thought anyway. In this respect the relationshp was always unsuitable and always destined to end.
However crossdressing was just one factor in the break up, others being her low self esteem and my immaturity, not to mention infidelity. Not behaviour I'm particularly proud of but hopefully, you live and you learn. Incidentally I've dated two women since the break up (one is my current girlfriend) who were both fine with me crossdressing.

[GINA-CD]

I'm in the middle of that same process... and it has NOTHING TO DO WITH MY CDING. People just grow apart sometimes. Cding is sometines part of the equation but sometimes it's just not there. People get divorced all the time (50% of the population I've heard) and in theory only 10% of men is crossdressing so the other 40% is related to other issues. Me, I find I needed the divorce, we were not compatible anymore. It hurts but it feels good at the same time. Sorry but what the hell, I deserve to be happy. Oh, and my CDing will get benefits from that.

[mskanuchi]

I've only been married once, and still am very much in love with my wife. I'm so glad I was honest from the start. I see people all of the time have such a hard time with their spouses because of holding things back, keeping secrets. Then again, there are some women who will never tolerate or understand their man dressed in a feminine way.

[Vicky_Scot]

I think using Crossdressing as an excuse is a good get out clause for a divorce. There will be other underlying problems in the marriage but hey, I will throw in my husband crossdresses and that will get everyone on my side.

[leia]

I have had two divorces and neither one was because I dressed . the first one was for 7 years. she cheated a bunch of times because I was a workaholic trying to make a better life for us. I told her before we started getting serious I dressed. the second one lasted i year and a day. the reason was her kids didn't think they should listen to me about keeping things cleaned and picked up after themselves. ever one I have ever dated more than twice I have told them I dress and that if they didn't like it they didn't need to waist our time because Leia was the real me. But I enjoy the single life that way I can date who I want and I like girls TG's and Guys and happy with my self

[vjaducd]

My ex-wife divorced me after she discovered I was a CD. She also told my 3 kids, ages 12, 14, and 16. They want nothing to do with me. There loss.

I have a new lady in my life. I told her right away about my need to dress. We shop for cloths together, helps me find the makeup I need. We have made several outing as girls. She even borrows my cloths. She is a great lady. I hope to make her my next wife. She did my makeup and hair and took my profile picture.
Very lucky gal,
Pl. wish me to have such an understanding gal to have me in my life as I am tierd of present non adjusting wife. She fights with no reason & so called in human in nature for either gender. My condition is miserable in this matter so You are lucky to have such a 2 nd lady in your life. Go get it. Wish you good luck
vjaducd

[Sherry-Stephanie]

I was curious to see what you'd all say about the divorce situation...

For me the dressing is an issue but I think it's more a disguise to make her be able to present a justified excuse to family and friends to bail out...after all I went to her before I even put on the first peice of women's clothing and talked to her about it and told her what I wanted to try and do...and we discussed this at length before starting since I knew I'd need her help and she did help me a lot...I think what happened is she became jealous of Stephanie after Stephanie came out and felt she was completing with another woman here....and her ego couldn't accept it...resulting with a her problem not mine...

She has said early on that "I am no longer the man she married and fell in love with"... OK that's cool....now is that in referrence me dressing or the fact that I can no longer perform my manly duties since I have lost my ability to be manly due to an illness 11 years ago and that is one question she hasn't directly responded to so I'm presuming it is because I can't "do her" any more...????

But one thing that bothers me here....what ever happened to the "for richer or poorer, and in sickness and health" vows we spoke of when we married? I think under the circumstances and since I had told her many times that I didn't have a problem if she wanted to have "surrogate F**k buddy" on the side since I couldn't perform...there was more to the I don't want to be married anymore decision here...

She also has a low self esteem problem and needs to validate her beauty and appearence though being able to turn heads with guys...(her words, not mine) and she has this need to try and recapture her looks from some 15 years ago...she has 9 pictures (all from a boudoir photo shoot she did when we started dating..these are her pride and joy pictures of herself...) up on the wall in her bedroom...She has started "dating" and most are coming from guys she's meeting online from social sites...over 12 guys she's gone out with in about 3 months and some to motels for all niters on the first "date"...as her new roomate who's living with has said "she's heading for s**t territory here"...

But she also has revealed that since she had her hysterectomy in 2000 and went though all kinds of emotional problems she hasn't felt the same way about me as she did before that happened...

Then there is the Bi situation with us as well...she's but but resents my being bi even though she's the one who introduced me to beign bi...ever since she did she's thrown from time to time at me that "I'm not bi, but gay"...so to me that's a major case of being hypocritical on her part...

So the bottom line is we have major problems here...and they won't get resolved and it's simply time to move on...let her go her way and I go mine be thankful for the good times we've had and yes we 've had some very good times and wish her well and the same for me as we've done and I am going to look forward to being more out and about and enjoying and taking the "en femmed" much further and finding new friends who are OK with me as I am and who I am and going forth....

I think many of you have identified and enumerated on severl lof the points that dressing and marriage presents...some work some don't...some have moved on found others that have come into your lives or simply elected to go at it alone...bottom line is most of you appear to be better off after the divorce and few have found a need to reget that the marriage has passed...

So all in all it appears to have been a good thing....

[Celeste]

My divorce was also not related to cding but liberating because I was always such a people pleaser,I placed my wants and desires last and cding was never even mentioned during my marriage.Even though I had enjoyed dressing before it, I kept a lid on it during our time together,I was afraid of her reaction and pretty much knew it would be bad.

So I've learned I don't have to shut any part of me out for anyone and if someone wants to share time together,they need to accept all of me.

[Stephanie Michelle]

Just got divorced end of June. Although it was for the tipical reasons (children and money) she brought up my cding and was going to use it if I didn't give her what she wanted form the divorce. She knew and participated in my cding from the begining, almost 23 years. It never was a problem until the divorce. I didn't give in and we did reach and agreement before it went to court.

Moved into my own house. In one way it is geat I can dress anytime I want as long as I want without worring about the kids coming home. In another way it sucks to be along.

Once I get a little more settled in, I will be hopfully getting out and meet some single women and do the dating thing. I haven't done that for 30 years.

Stephanie Michelle

[Wendy_H]

Although my crossdressing wasn't the main reason (we just hated each other after 25 years marriage) I suppose it was good enough for a divorce. Funnily enough we get on better after 6 years post divorce, but there you go. A close genetic girl companion who used to be a partner (for about 6 months) isconcerned about me losing my male side, but male and female are two different and distinct things and one doesn't become the other, I am extremely happy about this situation, in fact the happiest I have been for years. Just glad this site exists!!

By the way this is a great makeup video if you are new to it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZeSXp-aMlI&feature=related

W.:hugs:

[Bev06 GG]

I've been pondering this for awhile, and I daresay that the majority of divorces don't necessarily stem from "just crossdressing." Although I'm sure there are a couple that break down from issues surrounding it.

A lot of the major problems surrounding crossdressing seem to come from the hiding of it, and the lies. I will admit if I fell in love and married someone and they decided to leave me in the dark of a huge part of who they are, I'd feel cheated and even robbed. I would lose a great deal of trust and respect once I found out. Not because of the dressing, but because I was never given the choice or chance to decide what I wanted, but that could be true about any truths that were obscured. People hide all sorts of things, dept, other families, obsessions, cheating... Its hard to get back to where you were in a relastionship once your perceptions of a person you really thought you knew are shaken. Thats where I think the biggest problems that cause divorce stem from.

I agree Stitch. But I do also think that for some ladies the CDing can become a real sticking point. I used to think like you did that CDing on its own wouldn't kill a marriage if you truly loved your fella, but having spoken with some women who have divorced or seperated because of it, Im not wholy sure now. For us it isn't a problem but for some its a mountainous one. They just cannot accept it and really cannot live with someone who engages in it. They neither understand it nor perceive how a man can want to imitate a woman. It shatters their illusion completely and becomes something that eventually they just have to walk away from because the guy that they fell in love with no longer exists. It was just a lie and an illusion and they want the guy that they fell for to be just that.
Take care
bev

[maggiecdva]

I've never been divorced but I've never been married. I've had many long term relationships end due to my unwillingness or fear of revealing my female side.

I made a decision that I would be happy with friends kept at a arms length and allow myself to enjoy my fem side.

The last few years I've been coming out more to a few select few and have had good results.

hugs - maggie

[misspeeved]

Honesty is fundamental in any relationship. From the responses that I've read so far, I wonder if transgender people should get married.