A Question for transexuals mtf & ftm

[Empress Lainie]

Do you think that people who knew you as your birth gender for years will ever get past the overlay from who you were and see only the new real you?

I told a gg friend I have known for years after she told me I don't look feminine that she still has the overlay of me as I was, and I doubt it will ever go away. I told her I am completely accepted as a woman everywhere I go, and that I had noticed from looking at old pictures from about 2003 and comparing them that my face has changed and looks feminine now.

[SirTrey]

I don't know, Lainie....but I suspect that people we meet post transition will always see us differently than those who knew us before we transitioned....and, I suppose, too, it depends on who the person is.....ie: family members who knew us lifelong or friends who knew us for more brief periods of time....I am in pretty much the same boat as you, those I have met since can't imagine I was every any different....but those who knew Me before do tend to cling to that and have a hard time seeing Me now as I am....I guess only time will tell if that can ever change. :hugs:

[Shikyo]

Yes, I believe so. Just like with everything else in this case there are going to be exceptions.

In my own opinion the older people have the harder time to accept what I am and among the younger there seems to be no issues at all.

[joanlynn28]

For the most part yes, but it is hard to tell at the moment because I have not had contact with people that knew me before my transition with the exception of my family. And the people that I do come in contact if told that I was once male they are like no way, your a woman you where never a man. Examples being when my sister, best friend tells people that she is transgender and that Joanie is too. It's like most people don't believe it they just think that I am gg.

[Rifkinn]

I've found that the longer someone has known me the harder it is for them to see me as a female. Strangers will ma'am me with no problem, I've been told that I look perfectly fine by others that know but never seen me as a guy but that changes the longer a person has known the other me.

[Jessinthesprings]

My guess... No. I see very feminine m2f and very masculin f2m and because I know I can still see the body they used to have. I'll bet it's worse with friends and family that worked, played, and lived with your old self.

[Empress Lainie]

Thanks for the replies so far. I guess maybe the length of time they knew you before and their age are factors in how they see you now.

My exgf I have known for nearly 20 years, 18 of them as Alan, and only 2 as Lainie, is an exception I think. She feels I am totally woman and never calls me by old name unless she is in a panic.

That is not the woman I mentioned in the first post. That one is an old friend of sister's who I hardly had any contact with before my transition and I believe I may actually be her best friend. I know she spends a lot of time with me at coffee and lunch and rarely does it with other women.

Both of these gg's are near my age.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

my feeling is that just like our brains are permanently imprinted with our gender identity, other folks are imprinted immediately with their understanding of our apparent gender identities...the concept of having a different brain gender than physical is just impossible to comprehend unless you feel it yourself........just like its not internally understandable to me why the way i feel about myself is not totally normal

it seems to me that it would be almost impossible for a person that knew me for years as a man, and had their own brain hardwired to think of me as a man, to internally understand me as being a woman....otherwise having brain's hardwired to one particular gender doesnt hold as much water to me..:2c:

thats not to say that folks can't help us by being compassionate and understanding and giving us the benefit of being treated as we feel :daydreaming:...so far that's how its played out for me...i can hear phone messages and friends pause for that halfsec before saying hi Kate! on a message....jeez i do it too!!

[CharleneT]

my feeling is that just like our brains are permanently imprinted with our gender identity, other folks are imprinted immediately with their understanding of our apparent gender identities...the concept of having a different brain gender than physical is just impossible to comprehend unless you feel it yourself........just like its not internally understandable to me why the way i feel about myself is not totally normal

it seems to me that it would be almost impossible for a person that knew me for years as a man, and had their own brain hardwired to think of me as a man, to internally understand me as being a woman....otherwise having brain's hardwired to one particular gender doesnt hold as much water to me..:2c:

thats not to say that folks can't help us by being compassionate and understanding and giving us the benefit of being treated as we feel :daydreaming:...so far that's how its played out for me...i can hear phone messages and friends pause for that halfsec before saying hi Kate! on a message....jeez i do it too!!

:iagree:

I believe some will learn to see you as a new person, over time. But they will have to concentrate a lot to "replace" their old impressions/images completely. As long as they accept me and move on, I am not sure it matters whether or not they still see "half-David" or the like.

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

Do have problems thinking of you as a new gender. My brother who accepts me as Kimberly, just cannot call me Kimberly or think of me as a new sister. He told me he will always call me Mike. I hope in time that will change. Some of my friends will call me Kimberly, but tell me it is hard for them right now to call me Kimberly consistently.

I think that when you transition like me, later in life, others are so used to seeing you as a guy it's imprinted on their mind's eye. But Like Kate mentioned as long as they call me Kimberly, treat me nicely and respectfully I'm okay. :battingeyelashes:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Kim

my brother calls me dude...i say its "girl" dude and he says...whatever...

given that he couldnt be more of a mans man type, he is quite loving and compassionate towards me...he just hasnt made it all the way...

i think over time, these things change too...
i hope over time people realize how deep and permanent this is for me

does anybody out there that transitioned years ago have that kind of experience

[Beth-Lock]

Consider one aspect of this, changing to calling you by your new name of the previously opposite gender. Some people stick to their old ways, no matter what. I used to be addressed by a woman at the church, now deceased, by my kiddy name, half-a-century later. Now of course the problem is some people who insist on using my male name, though they known perfectly well what my female name is.
Is this, at least as far as naming, more dependent on personality of the person insisting on using your old name? I have two possible traits as candidates for this: eccentricity and egocentricity!
These two factors can make people immune to moving with changed circumstances. Nice as such people often are, they seem to have a quirk in their character. Maybe it is also lack of imagination, in some cases. Maybe it gets worse as people get older and generally less flexible.
Of course duration of time that they knew the old you, as a you mention, is also a factor, I guess.
With naming, some people like to call others by name all the time when talking to them. Use of this name can then be a habit hard to break. A late GG friend used to be like this. But it is embarrassing to be addressed, repeatedly by your male name when dressed as a woman in public!
So on thinking it over, I ask myself, "Can one generalize at all?"

[sherri52]

I think most anyone who was close to you before will have a closed mind and still give the same opinion they once had

[Jennifer in CO]

when I transitioned back in 79-80, work was not the problem. Family wasn't all that much of one either. They were mostly supportive understanding that my transition was "involuntary" (medical drug study) - thats what we told them anyway. We did change Churches as it was a problem there but we went to a new one where they only knew me as a woman. We were questioned a few times after a year or so if we were a couple or what and we did finally tell the Pastor when we were asked if we were "one of those couples". He was very understanding and we never had another question brought to our faces. As you said Kaitlyn it was the surnames and pet names that were a problem. My sister called me "Bro" from as early as I could remember. She never did change that to "sis" but did take to calling me "kid" which she still calls me to this day. It was really strange/good feeling when sis and I were shopping with Mom once and she introduced us as "her daughters". That I will never forget. Funny thing tho, Mom didn't start calling me Jennifer till about 6 months prior to transitioning back to male. It was usually "sweetie" up to then. Dad?...I don't really think he ever did figure out what to call me and I truly don't remember what he'd say...I think it was "kid" as well....

Friends? Those who we told we told them the same story as family and they bought it as well. We only "lost" one who was a butt-head anyway. I don't remember a one of them not calling me Jennifer or Jenn or Jenny at all times. Those are good friends. I still have one whom to this day calls me Jennifer if no one else is around. He is the type that "understands" you and I'm pretty sure understands/knows that Jennifer is still alive and well inside. Ok...he's also a Clinical Psychologist (retired) and was "there" for me/us when we were first starting this trip.

Jenn

[noeleena]

Hi..
Lets look at friends going back 45 years . who knew you then . & 50 years . then ring you up after you v been on t v . & say i know that person . in this case . say my name noel . then say noeleena & say they thought it was neat doing what i did . & most of my other friends . & many i thought would just reject what i had done . or what had happened . so i would have to say they are the real friends . & after all those years . accept you in to thier homes with out ? i was taken aback .
so yes i dont think every one will reject you . a few yes .. so this changed my idears . very quckly as far as acceptance is concerned . it s there . we just need to see it .
...noeleena...