Juggling act - Decisions,decisions

[Kayla Shadows]

Hello and :hugs: to all.

Do you ever feel the need for a social break and just need time to think about things? I don't know how it is for you but,not being out completely or not being out at all does become sort of a juggling act.There's the friends who know your male self,the friends that know your female self,maybe some that know both,then the activities you may divide between the two..and life can be crazy.I guess full is not a bad thing but,it can overwhelm.

Are you happy about the decisions that led you to this point?We are faced with so many and it can be hard to know what to do at times.Do we conform to the way society thinks people should behave or do we carve a new path and new way of life in a society that does not have a place for us yet.We cant change the feelings that make us who we are,we may not being able to change the way some people think but, there is always believing in ourselves and standing firm in that belief.

What do I think?..good question..

I do not believe I am the sick and/or disgusting person that some minds may try to lead me to believe.Nor is this just some choice that I woke up to.The choice was going against what people think and believing in myself and my life.They are not me or us and have no idea what its like being transgender.I see the spirit and life I have been given as a gift with the way I am able to look upon the world.

At times things do get to be a lot and it does become some soft of juggling act.There are times when I need a break from life but, everybody is always in my thoughts.That is the important thing that people need to know.I am happy about the decisions Ive made so far.I didn't want to continue living life as somebody I'm not.

Thank you to all who stood by in my rough times.Things were crazy and got too much for a while but,I'm back stronger and as defiant as ever :P

People love me for my strength...People hate me for my strength

<3 to everyone

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi Kayla-

We all need a break and time to think things through. Sometimes the break is only for a few days, sometimes for years. All I know is that I have always come back to being who I am inside. I don't know if it's a curse or a blessing, though I have to admit I am happier by far as my real self than pretending to be someone else.

Good luck on your journey, may the Goddess bless you and hold you safe.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[serinalynn]

Yes, I have though about my cding. I find that every time i feel that I have to much female stuff and saye I wont buy ladies clothing for a while,.... I 'll go to the website of my favorite store I 'll check the website fow new arrivals, I find my self making plans to go buy something new.

[Nicole Brown]

Hi Kayla,

You hit the nail on the head, we are all who we are and must make the best choices that we can, for ourselves, with the information and knowledge that we have available at that moment. Sometimes the choice is a simple one and can be made with very little effort, but at other times it can take years. And sometimes the time required is not always consecutive.

You, I and all of the other girls on this forum are on journeys. But as is the case with any journey, sometimes we get sidetracked and it can take time to get back on our original path. I have strayed from my path over the past 50+ years, but for very good reasons. Marriage, child rearing and career are but a few of the outside influences which can work to pull us off course. Yet somehow, most of us return to our original path and eventually make the right decisions and choices for us.

I totally agree with you observation that a split life is not a full life. Having some know you as he and some know you has she is difficult at best. Often these pressures help influence us in our final choices. I know that I have faced these issues and find them challenging and at times nerve racking. I have now reached the fork in my road and I am at the point in my life where I need to make that decision. I am over 90% to the point where I am ready to allow Nicole to win out and take the dominate role in my life.

I wish you success and happiness as you venture down your path and make your choices and decisions.

Nicole

[Kayla Shadows]

Hi Kayla-

We all need a break and time to think things through. Sometimes the break is only for a few days, sometimes for years. All I know is that I have always come back to being who I am inside. I don't know if it's a curse or a blessing, though I have to admit I am happier by far as my real self than pretending to be someone else.

Good luck on your journey, may the Goddess bless you and hold you safe.

Hugs...Joni Mari

Thank you Joni.A break to think is good sometimes.When something happens,we can pretty much just ride out the feelings until it gets better.On the other side its just trying to gain some clarity back after that.Then figuring out if the road your on is still the road you want to be on.Then altering is needed and progress in the direction desired.


Yes, I have though about my cding. I find that every time i feel that I have to much female stuff and saye I wont buy ladies clothing for a while,.... I 'll go to the website of my favorite store I 'll check the website fow new arrivals, I find my self making plans to go buy something new.

Hiya serinalynn.I,too,have tried to stop buying things at times but,I always wanted something else.Something to complete a look or change it in some way.Kind of like a puzzle to complete a unique and not so "stock" look.I have items that i would love to wear to a club and then regular old everyday items that I try to match up.I love clothes so its hard to stop anyway


Hi Kayla,

You hit the nail on the head, we are all who we are and must make the best choices that we can, for ourselves, with the information and knowledge that we have available at that moment. Sometimes the choice is a simple one and can be made with very little effort, but at other times it can take years. And sometimes the time required is not always consecutive.

You, I and all of the other girls on this forum are on journeys. But as is the case with any journey, sometimes we get sidetracked and it can take time to get back on our original path. I have strayed from my path over the past 50+ years, but for very good reasons. Marriage, child rearing and career are but a few of the outside influences which can work to pull us off course. Yet somehow, most of us return to our original path and eventually make the right decisions and choices for us.

I totally agree with you observation that a split life is not a full life. Having some know you as he and some know you has she is difficult at best. Often these pressures help influence us in our final choices. I know that I have faced these issues and find them challenging and at times nerve racking. I have now reached the fork in my road and I am at the point in my life where I need to make that decision. I am over 90% to the point where I am ready to allow Nicole to win out and take the dominate role in my life.

I wish you success and happiness as you venture down your path and make your choices and decisions.

Nicole

Thank you.I wish you the same hun.Depending on the severity of situations,even the best of us can fall at times.Life has many decisions and tests that we have to somehow overcome.

Like throughout history,there are people that were not recognized and held back from achieving what their lives are capable of.The more we look at ourselves as a strong able person in the face of those who do not believe,the more they at least just get use to us.

Most of this was coming off of some social sites that me and my sis inhabit.Some of them you really need a strong skin even if your just a "normal" person.It can get pretty brutal.I see that there are a lot of people that do not understand us and not yet separate "transgender" and "gay".They think its the same or even if your not,you are and its crazy :heehee:
It really is.I dont get it but I really try to keep my cool.I noticed that,the people who dont get you but, are willing to listen do listen.They get turned off by retalitory remarks to haters when you stray off form the point of educating and become overbearing.When willing minds are listening,if your gonna try to be a representation of transgender people,you have to react with confidence and not let different thinkers get to you.What people think does not make you the person you know you are.


Im gonna see if i can try and direct liz here too.

She better be listening.I have a message for you:

Liz,come back onto Second Life or the night demon is going to start casting spells on your house.

http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg61/crashlibra/Snapshot4_001-1.png

Im not kidding...the last warning.the next nightfall we strike...

http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg61/crashlibra/Snapshot5_001-1.png

:heehee:


Thank you all.I wanted to try and bring something positive across without it crossing over to something of just arrogance.Its hard sometimes.I always think of us more than just me but i speak my side and try to pass on power through it.