Lost Faith

[Sarah-RT]

Recently I was diagnosed with post exam stress enduced depression, anyway I had a bit of a break down in front of my mother and as she was trying to put things into focus for me she said

''And about the crossdressing, I dont think your really a crossdresser, I think maybe you just got lost along the way and talking to someone may be able to help you find yourself, you have always been interested in male orientated interests''

Ive now lost faith in my mother and dont know what to think, at times I wish i didnt cross dress and she kind of makes me feel like there is a way to stop and then I think that I know there isnt. I dont know how to feel or think and crossdressing makes me feel guilty now.

[geri-tg.]

You may want to talk to someone. You must know that crossdressing is not some bad monster. It took me many years to come to grips with the fact that I am a crossdresser. I know look at it as a blessing. I so happy I am the way that I am. I have no desire to change only getting better at my dressing and enjoy every moment that I am in some dressed.

[Sarah-RT]

Well I felt that this summer I kind of knew who I was, and enjoyed crossdressing, but after what she said I feel so guilty even thinking about it but I know I enjoy it

[deja true]

Some mothers are incredibly good at making their children feel guilty if the kids aren't following mom's agenda or progressing the way mom thinks they should. Not all moms, but some... believe me, I know.

But the problem isn't with you, Sarah, you are your own person and it's your job, your right, your duty to do the best you can do for yourself. Unless you've really done something wrong, there's no reason in the world to feel guilty. Have you?

Being transgendered is definitely not a reason to feel guilty. And your mothers agenda, whether it's based on her religious principles, politics, homo or transphobia or just her fear for her own reputation should not be yours, if it makes you miserable.

Talking to someone, though, a therapist or counsellor with trans experience or credentials, may be just what you need. It'll satisfy her and will probably give you confidence to start living your own life for yourself.

Good Luck, coleen...

:)

[Olivia]

I can relate hon. When I came out to my mom, a few years ago, she said things that hurt me badly. There was no support, no real acceptance. As a parent myself, I just could not imagine my own children telling me anything that would cause me to say the things she told me. I did finally tell her just that, and also just how much she had hurt me. I still love her as her only child, but truthfully, I'll never feel the same towards her again. My love for my children is unconditional and I couldn't get that from my mother. She is 79 and maybe her reaction was forged by the mores of her own generation, but after knowing that I was a crossdresser, she made no attempt to learn more about it or to gain any insight into that part of my life. She simply shut off that element, and "stuck her head in the sand", as it were.:sad:

Now, she lives in a nursing center, and her physical condition steadily diminishes. I still hurt, and still resent that she built a wall between us. And that of course makes me feel guilty. Yes, some mom's are really good at that. Sarah, please don't let the fact that you are a crossdresser make you feel guilty. And don't let other's denial of yourself do that either. Good luck my dear.
Olivia

[Paula G]

The best thing to do is seek treatment for the depression. Talking with a counselor can really help you with all that is going on in your life and will help you find the answers, even on how to deal with your mother.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

When I told my mom that I wear women's clothes she asked me if I really liked them or if I was just trying to rebel. I said, well, first off, I'm 27, not 17, and I've been wearing things since I was 5...

[sterling12]

Hold on Ladies! Lets not blow Mom up quite yet. Whenever I dealt with my Mother, until the day she died; she always wanted what (she thought) was best for me. Her thinking could be very messed up, but I think her motives were always pure.

Most Moms, (and Dads) feel the same way. Unless very deranged, they want what they believe is best for their children. That "best part" often includes an intense desire to see The Kid fit into society, to be successful, to hopefully continue the Family Line with abundant Grandkiddies.

Unfortunately, because of the way society sees us; being transgendered is perceived to thwart all of the previously mentioned, at least that is true in Mom's Eyes!

As we used to say in business, "Treat it as a challenge." That bit of wisdom translated means: "your stuck with it!" She apparently is hinting around about telling The Therapist. If you can "shine her on" and do your own thing, then do so. If you can't, then "endure" the silly situation. Remember, your not really the one with The Problem, you can hold out forever. Sometimes Families are like that, "Want to be part of The Family, play our little games." Surely you can "play this game," for a little while and just learn to live with it.

That is, if you value the relationship.....otherwise, be rude, be crude, and tell em' all to go to Hell.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Crysten]

I think my parents reaction went something like this, when I was discovered as a teenager:

Shocked
Appalled
Disgusted

In that order.

20 Years later, married, kids, mortgatge, parents visiting. Of course, mom can't keep her nose out, and discovers my "stash" (not that it was really hidden).

This led to the following reaction:

Shocked
Appalled
Disgusted

In that order.

Now ask me why I live 3500 miles from my parents house. :)

I don't (and have never) allowed my parents to dictate to me how I should live my life, and have always been one to make my own decisions. In fact, I moved out of my parents house when I was 16. I moved back briefly before I went to basic training, just to get my affairs in order, that's it.

Stand up for what you are, who you are, and what you want. Or, do like I did and get the hell outta dodge. LOL :)

[Fab Karen]

Your mom doesn't know "orientated" isn't a word, and interests are not decided by gender.

[Sylvermane]

''And about the crossdressing, I dont think your really a crossdresser, I think maybe you just got lost along the way and talking to someone may be able to help you find yourself, you have always been interested in male orientated interests''

While I won't presume to know you're current situation to be fair it's entirely possible. I know when I was growing up my first times cding went something like this along with the explanations I gave myself so I wouldn't feel wrong about it.

Age 7-8, Tried on a pair of pantyhose.
Reason given - Simple curiosity, at that age you try / do lots of things.

Age 12-13, Had the house to myself one day, raided mom's closet, spent the entire day as dressed as I could be.
Reason given - More curiosity, Teenager's always a bit off, still sorting out who / what I am.

Point being though is don't take what you're mom said as a slam or a reason to lose faith in her. If you havn't made a full explanation to her she is only responding based on what's considered normal. Like I said I won't presume to know you're situation or if you've been out to her for awhile or whatever but I wouldn't automatically assume the worst here. People here will regularly talk about having an open mind. While we expect society to have an open mind about us / this we also need to keep an open mind to perspectives.

[giuseppina]

Some mothers are incredibly good at making their children feel guilty if the kids aren't following mom's agenda or progressing the way mom thinks they should. Not all moms, but some... believe me, I know.

So do I.:brokenheart:


But the problem isn't with you, Sarah, you are your own person and it's your job, your right, your duty to do the best you can do for yourself. Unless you've really done something wrong, there's no reason in the world to feel guilty. Have you?

Being transgendered is definitely not a reason to feel guilty. And your mothers agenda, whether it's based on her religious principles, politics, homo or transphobia or just her fear for her own reputation should not be yours, if it makes you miserable.

Talking to someone, though, a therapist or counsellor with trans experience or credentials, may be just what you need. It'll satisfy her and will probably give you confidence to start living your own life for yourself.

Good Luck, coleen...

:)
:iagree:

Twenty years ago, I was suicidal. Gender issues were not at the fore at that time. Counselling and medication continue to be worthwhile.

This isn't something most people can deal with on their own. From your story, you've been this way for a while. Please consider some professional help from someone qualified in gender issues and depression.

Good luck.:hugs:

Cheers
Giuseppina

[docrobbysherry]

Talking to someone, though, a therapist or counsellor with trans experience or credentials, may be just what you need. It'll satisfy her and will probably give you confidence to start living your own life for yourself.
Good Luck, coleen...:)

I agree! A qualified therapist would also EXPLAIN your condition completely, to your mother.:thumbsup:

Once she hears, from an educated professional, that your "condition" is somewhat common, and harmless, she mite become more supportive!:)

[Frédérique]

Ive now lost faith in my mother and dont know what to think, at times I wish i didnt cross dress and she kind of makes me feel like there is a way to stop and then I think that I know there isnt. I dont know how to feel or think and crossdressing makes me feel guilty now.


Please don’t feel guilty about anything, and never lose faith in yourself, darling…

[Sarah-RT]

Thanks to everyone for their input so far

just on a side note, i dont hate my mother now or anything, i still feel the same towards her as i did before she said what she did


Its just that she occasionally said to my sister about her gay friend who is 28 to out himself to his mother about being gay because his mother would still love him blah blah blah, it just came accross as hypocritical of her to be a little ignorant of the situation, especially because she is a smart person with very broad acceptance of people

Then again I guess that she is just trying to see me do well in life, as some one posted above

[sherri52]

Sarah don't take it out on you mother. She is old school and believe it is wrong. The catholics thought that left handed people were sent from the devil. That was only 50 yrs ago. Your mother thinks cd'ing is wrong, if you go to counciling you might want to take her with you. Maybe she will learn something.

[Sarah-RT]

I honestly hold no grudge towards my mother, im just shocked to put a good word to use, by her attitude, she isnt really that old school at all, she likes to think she is still hip anyway, she is normally open minded.

on a side note, im catholic :P

[Cathytg]

Sarah, I, too, am Catholic as was my Mother. It's a kind of mindset that never really goes away. I have had to put my Church into a box in my thinking to get past it.

However, my Mother died two years ago at 91. She learned about my dressing in 1968 when the police picked me up walking down the street. Mom (and Dad) immediately went into denial and never talked about it again. We also never discussed my Cousin's "odd" baby nor my other Cousin's slight retardation. That's just the way it was and it never changed. It was their old way of dealing with issues and your Mom is using the tools that she has accumulated during her life just as my folks did. I wish it were otherwise, but she has a right to her defenses just as you do.

But, when my daughter declared her bisexuality to me, I think I handled much better and allowed it be on the table whenever it needed to be. If we did not learn from our parents mistakes as well as from their wisdom, where would we be?