My story

[NickyNOVA]

I was born with male body,in my early childhood as far as i remember i am a girl...girly woman.My parents noticed tendences...i want to dress as a girly,play with girly toys ect...
And they were not happy at all-they said i am emberessing them....
so they supressed my feelings even with force.
And now at my 33 of age i decided to become who realy i am-a woman-a girl:love: i would say.
I started to vist pysihatric-sexsolog doctor,now i am waiting for them to decide if they ll give me hormones therapy(estrogen)...in Slovenia(EU)than after one year of hormone therapy they decide if and how far the operation sexs change will go.
Of course there are some nagative things about it,couse my fellow workers didn t support my sexs change wish and couse of bad depression i quited my full time job(working as a male nurse in Psyhiatric hospital-i was working 13 years there)so now i am getting thru very hard times...but hey that s life.
Nicky

[Teri Jean]

Nicky, I wish you the best and don't look back. True friends will be there for you and those who do not understand or accept will always be that way. I will be doing the same this next month, starting my HRT.

HUggs Teri

[Kaitlyn Michele]

All the best sweetie....pls hang around and ask anything you want...there are lots of wonderful and interesting people here

you said...
"but hey that is life"

it really is that simple when you get down to it!!

:drink:

[Steph2003]

We're all here with you Nicky. It is tough, but you'll have many friends to bounce things off off here.:)

[Miranda09]

Hi Nicky...all the best on your new future. Maybe starting with a clean slate is the best way for you. Don't forget, no one can take away your life's experiences. :)

[NickyNOVA]

Thnx for support.
I wanted to display my picture emediatly but i waited a bit...
here it is...yes i am whitewtare kayaker and i love the sport,and yes a lots of womens also kayak.
My general doctor said to me,for sure you are not right person for sexs change,kayaking is men´s sport-she was so wrong...also my fellow workers said the same...so i changed my jobe and my general doctor...and guess what my new general(family)doctor said to me:hey when i was visiting music school there was one girl she hold her accordian like a man...and i know that she had sexs change operation becoming a man.I feelt so much better-at least he knows what sexs change is about or he knows somebody who had that issue.
So after i quited my nursing job this summer i was instructing kayaking-unfortanatly there was very little work.Despite i don´t have help of my parents my cousin(female)she is helping me and also now i ll try to found another nursing jobe.
It was so funny no mather how hard i trained sports i never could beat guys,i could be only compered to womenś results,my foot siz is 42(also two of my ex girlfriends had 42)and whenever i had men´s shoes ore ski boots...my leg had too much space...when i tried women´s ski boots 42 or other shoes...bingo perfect fit-so i would defenetly say my body already have signs of women´s body...and i don´t know if doctors are ready to listen the whole story...at least i have hormone blood rewiev now an testosteron level in my body is at the bottom line which probably is good couse my body dosesn´t have too much od men´s shape-more like of teenager...
the free testeron level should be beetween 50-90 in my body is 20 which can also be resulted as i got too much weight in deperession...it´s good couse my depression is gone(after hard 2 years)so now i have to be good girl and watch my diet that my level of fat in my blood which at the momet is at the top alloweed level ll go down,couse doctor for hormones(endocrinologiest)say that women-estrogen therapy affects liver...
Yp lots of interesting things to come...unfortanatly kayaking company which i had before is avoiding me-so i don´t go to river at all....got to find another hobbie...
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3363/3642193540_43bd7401e9.jpg
For now in public i don´t show myself as women...maybe i am waiting for hormone therapy to take effect,also my budget is low for girly clothing ect..
But i went public with sexs change wish thru Slovenian women´s magazine-they fully accepted my story and thru "prime time"fresh documentary news show (It s in Slovenian language)there is a whole transexsual topic thru the show my interwiev also with interwiev with psyhiatric-sexsologic doctor and surgeon who performens operation-i went into the show publicly to educate people what transexsual people we are.
link to TV documentary klick-last topic
http://www.rtvslo.si/play/tednik/ava2.33046695/
Nicky
some memories of my old times...no matter how hard i trained i never could beat guys
Frestyle kayaking reaces-of course me as a pilot of kayak...weee...i so miss those times
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3065/3027530740_8f9a69bfd8.jpg
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3040/3026695611_91106269bc.jpg

[Veronica_Jean]

Nicky,

I am sorry to hear so many are negative around you. It is good that you are fining others that try to understand and are supporting you.

Good luck and don't lose hope! In the end you will be the woman you have always been.

:hugs:

Veronica

[NickyNOVA]

http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/Evelyn/Page75.jpg
I think negative vibes can really block you,but you have to be strong!
Unfortanatly lots of negative things happened to me...but i managed to come over them.I am not speaking about them couse i would want to feel sorry...it happened and couse i am speaking about them hopefuly it ll not happen to somebody else.
Of course in my childhood years my parents noticed that i am in girly stuff.Also my father which he was just observing me...and than at one ocassion when i´ve done something wrong(which acctually i didn´t)he ´ve taken adventage of me(i was 14)he put me in corner of cellar taken wire which is covered with rubber(used as conecction from gas handle on motorbikes)and begin to beat-whipped me like crazy...i coiled down asked him please dady stop-but he didn´t he continue...and i feelt my soul to crack-because of so much pain i exspireinced out of body exspirience i feelt i was going out of my body observing myself in corner and watching my dad whipping me...my teras were flooding down my face...
Shuold transexsual kid get that kind of punsihmnet from dad?No
Why i am writting about it?That it ll not happen to somebody else
The good thing about bad exspirience in your life is that can be left behind,and if my father can´t opoligize for it i ll move forward,leave the "negative"family on the end it´s my life,and i have happy things infront of me.
And unfortanatly transexsual people we are not understood among the wide audince...that´s why we have to grow ties-bounds couse on the end only transexsual person ll fully understand other transexsual person-all others they ll just try to understand.
Nickyp.s.
And one nice sentence for the end,one of my female friends she said:
It´s soo nice to be a women-i wouldn´t wont to be anything else!
So sweet.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

you are already so far down the right track sweetie..your bravery, honesty and wisdom is way beyond most girls that are finally accepting their own selves... i am happy for you!!! i've said before that this is a brutal condition for any person and it can bring out the best and worst in us...looks like you are starting as the best

btw....i'm lithuanian (well, my grandparents are...) unfortunately i don't speak the language, they passed on when i was quite young......:doh:

[Pariss]

Dear Nicky, :bighug: from the bottom of my heart I wish you lots of happiness and success, you deserve it.

[Pariss]

Quote
""But i went public with sexs change wish thru Slovenian women´s magazine-they fully accepted my story and thru "prime time"fresh documentary news show (It s in Slovenian language)there is a whole transexsual topic thru the show my interwiev also with interwiev with psyhiatric-sexsologic doctor and surgeon who performens operation-i went into the show publicly to educate people what transexsual people we are.
link to TV documentary klick-last topic
http://www.rtvslo.si/play/tednik/ava2.33046695/
Nicky""

the relevant part starts in minute 44

[NickyNOVA]

Hi Nicky...all the best on your new future. Maybe starting with a clean slate is the best way for you. Don't forget, no one can take away your life's experiences. :)
Miranda by the way You look stunning !
Ooops i hope i didn't break any forum rule...my woman-girly soul is lesbian one...another shock for the people who now me!:angel:

[NickyNOVA]

Quote
""But i went public with sexs change wish thru Slovenian women´s magazine-they fully accepted my story and thru "prime time"fresh documentary news show (It s in Slovenian language)there is a whole transexsual topic thru the show my interwiev also with interwiev with psyhiatric-sexsologic doctor and surgeon who performens operation-i went into the show publicly to educate people what transexsual people we are.
link to TV documentary klick-last topic
http://www.rtvslo.si/play/tednik/ava2.33046695/
Nicky""

the relevant part starts in minute 44
at that time i was seriosly depressed,even living life was hard for me,couse depression at that time(3 months ago)i got too much weight,now 1 month ago depression stoped,also my weight is going down...
Nicky

[NickyNOVA]

Diane´s story is hepling me a lot,to understand that if you have a sensitive girly soul,that is quite normal that you have those feelings,which they come and also go.
They are nothing new,from my teenege years they been in me-and i was very confused why and what is happening whit me.But defenetly are red alert that sex change has to be done completly.
Dian´s experience in her teenage years(the same as mine):
They will be very lonely, probably suicidal and even hating themselves because they do not understand what is going on.

Also i am not prone to do i sucide,but when feelings they come i am very sad couse my soul is crying couse it doesen´t feel comfort in men´s body.
By the way my nexst visit to psyhaitric/sexsolog doctor is 1.October,he ll also give me tha answer about hormone-estrogen therapy...

Some od Diane´s advices which are helping me a lot,whithout them i would be so confuised.

I have had many times in my life where suicide had been a strong thought, it does still come and go because we do have complex lives.

link
http://www.drdouglasousterhout.com/transgender.htm

[NickyNOVA]

It¨s o helpful to read her story and to see that i am not the only one deserted by family and fake friends,but she maked on her own in job and personal life-the same tasks i have now.
Nice inspiration for me!
link
http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/LynnsStory.html