Ask a MTF transsexual [Archive] - Page 2 - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

Rianna Humble

11-13-2011, 03:57 AM

Hi Veronica, I also felt intimidated about talking to a doctor. I went to one of the doctors in my practice and at first wasn't sure how to get started. I began by telling her that this was not one of her usual consultations but I needed to talk about who I am. After that it all came tumbling out.

She listened very carefully and asked me a few questions including how I would like her to help me. She outlined what she thought would be a good start but asked if it was OK for her to talk to someone more specialised to ensure that she would be giving me the best care she could. She then concluded with the words "With your permission, I would like to undertake this journey with you".

She did warn me that she would have to refer me to a mental health specialist so that they could check for any other conditions that may need to be taken into account but reassured me that this was part of what was needed to get me on the road to transition.

When I left her consulting room, I knew I had done the right thing and that she was going to back me the whole way.

I didn't take any notes because I hadn't been able to sort my thoughts out well enough to make any, but if you have made some, why not take them with you and just tell the doctor that you will refer to them to make sure you don't leave anything out?

noeleena

11-13-2011, 05:58 AM

Hi,

A bit different for my self,

Jos & i ..had .. the same G P so was not a problem talking with her. she passed away some 3 years ago. I said to her i was a woman & if she new any thing about people like us , she did not so i gave her some info. i then went & told the same thing to our Pysch , same ? .
& i then told him what i was . a woman who was going to live as i should so he was told what i had done was doing & going to do . 45 min's & then he signed me off the register. & said i do not need to see you again & nore should i , basic , was go & live as you should,

Then saw our endo . same again told him . saw him 3 times could have had meds at two months, i said i would wait another months then so 3 months on meds & have been for over 7 years,

Sugery when i needed that, had two letters just to give my blood counts & say health wise i was good to go. with in 3 years & even then i could have had surgery with in 2 years if i wonted to & that would have been in Austaila tho i went to Thailand . oh I paid for my detals & surgerys,

I told every one concerned, i was not asked ?s or told any thing because i told those concerned. the one detail in my favour was being I S , tho that was not brought up & no need, no red tape or detail to go through , you see i was not changeing from male to female any way how could i being I S . different yes & saved a lot of hassles .
my advise is you tell them what you are what youv done & going to do & why ,be sure of your self no if's but's or dought's, if your a woman then be one dont act just live it,if you need meds ask for them . if you need surgery ether get in the system or pay ,

I paid because N Z is useless as far as surgery is concerned. we had one Dr, who at the time had done only 70 surgerys, & so much red tape , no way was i going to hang around & wait may be 14 years & then if or may be ......as id say this is my life ill do whats best for me not be told by any one what i can & cant do. yeap im one very strong woman.. thats why im where i am now because i did some thing about my life, fighting words you bet,

Now i must say & give credit to those who it's due , those who helped me you could not have had better they were so good & went out of thier way to help me. they were lovely,

...noeleena...

Jorja

12-05-2011, 11:10 AM

I was quite lucky when it came time to actually go talk to a doctor about all of this. I had a couple of good friends who had already gone through transition and were moving toward SRS and all that. They referred me to their doctors. I knew the minute I walked in the door that I was in good hands and could talk about anything necessary with them. As I discovered, I was right. They were simply wonderful and totally understood. I found out that they both were transsexual and went into practice to help others because there was no one around at that time doing gender related medicine.

karanne

01-04-2012, 12:50 PM

Even though you knew you were on the right road, did you find the whole idea of possible transitioning scarey?

Thanks Debs :) Yes. I admit I started in High School, I had to go from one school to another, but I was a GIRL there! I learned there how to be a teenage girl, did all the experimenting with makeup and fashion and shoes, did the whole after-school job as a waitress and salesgirl, then went to college as a girl.

Being the only girl in some of my engineering classes was ... interesting. There was a lot of feeling that women should be in the 'softer sciences' and not hard science like engineering. Some of my classmates didn't want to partner with 'the girl' or 'the skirt', especially when I showed cleavage. Some though women should be in college for one reason only: to get her Mrs. degree, and should, if she actually needed to work, stay in the 'female' occupations, like secretary. It would have been much easier if I had stayed a guy, but I wasn't happy that way.

So yes, it's been difficult, but I have supportive (well, mostly) relatives, which helps a lot.
Lady K. (Whose lunchtime is now over, and needs to get back to work!)

Windy

01-07-2012, 05:13 PM

Heya all. I'm a transwoman thinking of starting HRT soon. I know quite a bit about the effects, but I'm interested if anyone with a similar build as myself (VERY tall, finds it almost impossible to put any weight on and with very little fat at all), has gone through a transition and what the effects of HRT were for them? What sort of changes can I expect to my chest, hips, face, etc?

Michelle.M

01-07-2012, 09:12 PM

Hi Windy,

Well, I don't know how tall you are, but I am just under 5'11" and I weigh 150 lbs. When I was younger I never could gain weight until I joined the military, then I put on 25 lbs to my present size. Weight training never did me any good, either. No matter how much I worked out with weights I could never bulk up, so I have been tall and slender my whole life.

An expression you'll hear from everyone here is "your mileage may vary", meaning that the way one of us responds to a certain hormone regimen may not be what will happen to anyone else. There are so many variables such as genetics, the specific HRT cocktail your doctor prescribes and a zillion other things that even many endocrinologists don't really understand. If you want an idea of how HRT will affect you take a look at your mother.

In my case, after about 5 months my facial features have definitely softened, especially in my cheeks and eyes. The difference is moderate to me, but everyone else has seen the change as significant. Nothing at my hips yet (I may not see that anytime soon as I am naturally slender), but others here have had plenty of fat redistribution around the hips. I am an A cup now, and although my boobs are small they have a nice shape to them.

You must remember that this may take time. A GG's body responds to her natural estrogen production over a period of up to 5 years before she gets her mature adult body, and hers is made for this change. Yours will not progress in the same identical way, but you should be pleased with the results.

The other changes are less well advertised. Your boobs will at times ache (or just plain hurt), be sensitive, tingle, feel full, jiggle, feel flushed, feel heavy and you'll experience a whole new variety of feelings, sensations and experiences that you might have never seen coming. At times I find myself crying for no apparent reason (a tear-jerker movie just does me in), sometimes my skin feels flush, at other times I feel pretty and sexy and at other times I feel like an awkward teenage girl.

Oh, I almost forgot! Mr Happy will also be affected. I started noticing changes in 3 days. My testicles ascended quickly, in about a month my semen was very thin and in about 3 months it was nonexistent. Your testicles will get smaller, how small and how fast that happens varies from person to person.

Whatever you do, follow a doctor's advice. I strongly recommend that you do not self medicate, as your doctor will monitor your progress and can make changes to your dosages to help you progress properly.

Good luck in your journey!

Jonianne

01-08-2012, 09:26 AM

I have a question.

In your transition, were there male/masculine traits/things that you had to give up, not because previously you were just going through the motions as a male because it expected as a male, but things you really identified with? I know your work/hobbies carry over with no problem ie mechanics, motorbikes etc, but what about traits that you were happy with previously, that just doesn't work in your new life, anymore?

Michelle.M

01-08-2012, 11:12 AM

Wow, that is a wonderful question! I would love to see what others have to say about this.

Bottom line up front, for me the answer is No but it may not be that way for others.

I'm glad that you were specific and separated gender expectations and activities and drilled down to those traditionally male things that were part of my past male life that no longer have a place in my future.

Before I comment, I'd like to recommend that you get a copy of Julia Serano's Book "Whipping Girl". She expresses this gender characteristics and expression aspect far more eloquently and in more detail than I can here and this title deserves a place in your library. You can check out her site at http://www.juliaserano.com/

You are correct in that the things we do can generally make the transition with us. I have a friend who has kept her job as a mechanic, another is still a gunsmith and there are many of us on this site (myself included) who still ride our motorcycles.

I cannot speak for others (this is why I am dying to hear what others have to say) but the gender traits or gender expressions that I have known throughout my life are difficult to classify as specifically male or female. My attitudes, activities and mannerisms have generally been independent of gender. The sports I played are played by both men and women (I never played football but I did play basketball), I enjoyed hobbies like art and photography and I had plenty of both male and female friends. There really has been nothing in my past life that I could call specifically male.

As far as typically masculine traits, I'll use a list that I got from a Google search to see how it might apply to me:

Masculine Traits

- Dominant
I (as well as anyone who knows me) have never considered that this describes me

- Independent
Yes! I should add that I also raised my daughter to be independent, and these days this is more often becoming a trait that women tend to admire in other women

- Intelligent and competent
Same as independent, but the expression thereof is different for men and women. I tend to fit the women's version better.

- Rational
Am I rational? I think so, and I don't think it's possible to leave that behind. I think it's an unfortunate stereotype that women are not considered to be rational, and sadly, too many women perpetuate that stereotype

- Assertive
When independence shifts to assertiveness that's where I get off. This is definitely not me

- Analytical
Somewhat, but not excessively so. My daughter is by nature far more analytical than I am

- Strong
This is a biggie. In terms of physical strength, I never had it. What women define as a strong man is not the same as what men define as a strong man. And what women define as a strong woman is even another topic altogether. Short answer, I was never a strong man but I am a strong woman

- Brave
Same answer as strong

- Ambitious
Same answer as strong and brave

- Competitive
Nope. Not in any male way

- Insensitive
If there was any male trait that I'd be leaving behind it's this one, but that's more due to becoming more sensitive as a result of age and maturity than anything else. But women have always regarded me as being more sensitive than the other men they know

- Sexually aggressive
Not in any way at all does this describe me

- Attractive because of achievement
If anyone ever found me attractive because of my achievements I never found out about it. Anyone who ever found me attractive said it was because of other traits, such as my tendency toward commitment, fidelity and ability to understand people, all typically feminine traits

Do you see a trend here? It has been suggested that one of the aspects of transgender people is that our brains are wired differently to begin with, so I would not be surprised if anyone who answers this question has a similar answer to mine.

Like I said, there really has been nothing in my past life that I could call specifically male, so I don't have much to leave behind.

Jonianne

01-15-2012, 06:19 PM

Everyday question.

After you are well past transition, has your use of beauty products decreased to special occasions or does your daily routine still include as much as before? or somewhere inbetween?

Julia_in_Pa

01-15-2012, 06:31 PM

Hi Joni!!!

For me I wear makeup about 20 % of the time now whereas right after transition I would not be caught dead without it.

73/88

Julia

Kelsy

01-17-2012, 07:56 AM

Julia_in_Pa

01-17-2012, 09:04 AM

Kelsy,

There's no GPS for this sadly.

There are quite a few members here that have made it through the gauntlet including myself.

My story you can find here in the forums or you can PM me for some deep detail.

Let's address these in your numbered order shall we?

1) I transitioned in Helena Montana in 2006. Helena is not a bastion of progressive thought and because of it my first attempt at transition in 2002 was met with a death threat.
This caused me to go back in the closet for close to five years before attempting transition again in December of 2006.
Many people obviously found out very quickly and I became the center of some rather interesting conversation in a city of 60,000 people.
I never questioned my sanity because I always knew who and what I was. Everyone else was a different story.

2) Yes, because I was on HRT beginning in Jan. of 2002 and then I recieved that death threat and I went back into the closet for quite a while so yes I felt stuck with seemingly no way forward at the time.

3) I lost everyone due to transition Kelsy and because of this I was going to kill myself with the gun I purchased to do the same thing if I failed to transition in 2006.
In my opinion I don't think anyone could have come closer to death while still breathing then I did feeling the regrets of losing my family.
I made it through that horrible storm but the degree of regret is still the same and always will be Kelsy. What one can't get over one goes around and that is what I did in order to live to see another day.

4) For me I can finally say that after five years and one month of full time living being who I have transitioned to is second nature just like breathing. In fact I have a difficult time remembering who I was before I transitioned. I don't want to forget what I had to be for so very long so I look at photos of myself and my family before transition and remember Kelsy.

I hope this helps you.

Julia

Jonianne

01-17-2012, 07:20 PM

... could you give some examples?......

Thanks for your replies.

I was asking if there were masculine traits/things that you really enjoyed, that you freely choose not to carry over.

An example of myself is, one of the masculine things I have always been proud of has been that I have a thick coat of hair covering my legs. Not scraggly, patchy hair, but a beautiful thick coat of hair. As I begin to dress beyond just the cooler months, I am going to have to shave them for the first time in my life. I have seen a GG or two with thick hairy legs, but this is something I would not choose to carry over.

Shaving my legs is a small thing and really means nothing in the whole scheme of life, but maybe some have had bigger things that they choose.

I was just wondering, did you have things that you sadly, but freely choose not to carry over into your new life after transitioning, because it just didn't work for you?

moondog

01-18-2012, 01:18 PM

How, or when, did you know you wanted to BECOME female? Was it always inside of you, or was this something that built up over time?

Rianna Humble

01-18-2012, 05:16 PM

I have never wanted to BECOME female - since I have always known that I am female. For decades (literally) I rebelled against this knowledge,but it was always there. For example, the reason I never had a boy/girl relationship was because I knew I was not a boy and would have been incapable of performing as one.

More recently the strain of that rebellion took its toll both on my physical and my mental health and I became depressed to the point where I planned several different methods of suicide. Finally I was faced with the stark choice of admitting who I am (with everything that that entails) or committing suicide. Even then, I tried to use cross-dressing as a coping mechanism but it didn't work.

By the time I sought medical help, I was able to say honestly that I would rather live out my life as an ugly woman than spend one more day pretending to be a man.

I deeply regret the waste of time over those forty-odd years of rebellion, but have to admit that it was not until relatively recently that I understood there was a real possibility of making my body conform to who I am.

Melody Moore

01-18-2012, 06:08 PM

I fought all my life to reject any notion that I was a transsexual. I never realised at a young
age like "I knew I was meant to me a girl at 3" or anything. I was confused about who I was
& where I fitted in. I didn't feel like I fitted with other boys and was rejected by the girls for
obvious reasons relating to my anatomy. However by around the age of 9 or 10 I started to
really ask myself the question if I was really a boy or a girl? By the age of 15 I knew by then
I wanted to be female, but then didn't know where to go for help, or if it was even available.

After seeing the bigotry of others by around the age of 16/17 I then rejected any notion that
I was a transsexual and idea about gender transition. However despite burying it as deep as I
could this problem was still there constantly right up until I decided to stop fighting it at the age
of 47. Rejecting it didn't work for me, it just got worse and worse until it nearly destroyed me.

moondog

01-20-2012, 09:06 AM

Thank you for the answers.

Kaitlyn Michele

01-20-2012, 02:55 PM

The way to know "its over" is to hit a point where it literally doesn't matter anymore...you reach a point where you can imagine that this is what cisgender must feel like, because your gender is not in your internal dialogue anymore, it's just your gender, just like everybody else...

the reason i stick around here is because it's so incredibly powerful to reach that point that i hope i can help others get there..

btw...some folks get there and think "that's it???" and get very upset, bitter and depressed.....i felt a little that way for a period of time, but that thought just drifted away...

Jorja

01-23-2012, 07:06 PM

How, or when, did you know you wanted to BECOME female? Was it always inside of you, or was this something that built up over time?

For me, it was something I had always known. I told my family one evening at the diner table when I was about 12 that now that I knew it was really possible to change my body, that was my goal. That resulted in a backhand from my father that knocked me clear across the room.

Melody Moore

01-24-2012, 02:43 AM

That resulted in a backhand from my father that knocked me clear across the room.
I will never forget the first time I ever put make up on around the age of 6 or 7 because of the belting I got later
from my father. Even though my Dad never seen me fully dressed with make-up on, just the leftover remnants on
my face was enough & my father never let me live that one down. This carried on right up until I was 16 years old
and was able to stand up to him against his alcoholism, bullying, domestic violence and abuse. I had a lot of deep
resentment for my father over what he did. To me he was always this 'monster'. However the irony is that my Dad
is now the most supportive of all my family today. He no longer drinks or smokes & I don't think he is in denial about
me being different to others. I was intersex at birth, surgically assigned & raised as a male but regardless of all of
this, I still had severe Gender Identity Disorder (GID) & Gender Dysphoria (GD) which my parents thought would just
go away as I got older. I didn't it only got worse and life just become even more complex and harder to deal with.

I was at the point that I had absolutely no will power to live and often contemplated committing suicide because
my overall physiological health was failing in a big way due to hormonal issues and a collapsed auto-immune system.

How desperate you feel about transition I think depends on how close you are to the intersex/transsexual area
in the sex/gender spectrum. A crossdresser who engages in transvestism solely as a fetishist stands way at the
other end of the spectrum and usually they have no real desire to transition. However there are those in between
these two poles that experience some issues with the gender identity, however GID/GD seem to differ in intensity
in direct correlation to where a person stand in the sex/gender spectrum. So for me, being right on that line as an
intersex/transsexual has been extremely difficult to deal with and extremely confusing to say the least.

Sammy777

01-29-2012, 05:56 PM

Hi everyone I am MTF in transition and I have a couple of questions.

1. What happens if you find that people just don't take you seriously and consider you mentally ill? does anyone find themselves questioning their sanity?

2*. How do you deal with loses - relationships etc without them becoming regrets?

3. At what point can you finally look back and Know you have made it through?
or does transition just become a lifelong endeavor?

4*. Has anyone dealt with the fear of getting stuck mid transition with no way forward?

Don't quote me, mileage may vary, professional driver on a closed course, do not operate heavy machinery, always consult your physician before use and kids - don't try this at home.
Now lets all give Bob from legal a big round of applause for that nifty disclaimer. Thanks Bob

Moving on......
1) People have been questioning my sanity long before ever coming out. :heehee:

"Sanity clause? Ha Ha Ha You can't fool me, there ain't no sanity clause.
Well you win the white carnation." From Marx bros' Night at the opera (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KS2khYJZKwA)
1a) Do I question my sanity? Of course I do, because if you don't you just might be crazy.

2) Short version. You are becoming who you are and if/when family/friends leave it's them not you that did it. You can't carry regrets of broken relationships when you had nothing to do with them deciding to leave you.

The sad but true part is it isn't always black and white and doesn't always happen overnight. Some people will do it to your face as soon as you tell them. Hard but at least it happens quick.
Those by far are the best kind, as you know where you stand right from the beginning.

The bad ones are the ones who say they understand and will stick with you but slowly withdraw away. Days turn to weeks into months and before you know it they are gone out of your life.

The worse kind - The ones who on the surface "seem" to be like the ones above. But in fact do not understand and never will.
These are the ones that "support you" to your face but think your some kind of freak or a joke and have no problem telling everybody they know exactly how they feel - except you. In short- splineless backstabbers. The "with friends like that who needs enemies" people.

Basically - Straightforward rejection stings but is quick to get over.
Betrayal cuts deeper hurts a hell of a lot more and takes longer to get over.

You become a bit jaded and weary of people's true intentions, even the ones that do truly support you. You move on and be the better person. They were not your first friends to part ways and they won't be the last.

3) I think once you stopping thinking about it, looking over your shoulder and at the past and just start living your life the way it was meant to be lived is when you have made it though.

Yes this was originally #2 but because of its length I put it last. :)

4)Yes I have dealt with the unpleasant reality of getting "stuck" in my transition.
Those realities brought me to my Suicide attempt using enough prescription painkillers and alcohol to kill a small horse, but not me, apparently my tolerance level for such things falls somewhere between a small horse and Keith Richards.

I survived, obviously, but not unscathed. I suffered injures from what I took and that putting me in a quasi-coma state for several days.
The two biggest being Aphasia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aphasia) and Verbal paraphasia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraphasia).
Neither was fun.
Some physical damage is still with me today as annoying little reminders of my stupidity.

Then there is the mental aspect of it all.
If anyone thinks things are bad enough to attempt suicide and survive. You will wake up and not only still have those same problems that drove you there but that new warm and fuzzy feeling of failure to add to it.

Not to mention you are now considered unable to make your own decisions and like it or not they will be made for you including your involuntarily [72 hour observation] stay in a mental facility which will actually last you more like 5-7 days and can last upwards of 2 weeks.

I won't go into the whole how people see you now thing because I hope you already get the point.

I hope this little foray into the wonderful world of suicide has scared the shit out of anyone who has ever considered trying it. Its a lose-lose. Succeed your dead, fail and the above, or worse happens.

And while on the subject........

I was going to kill myself with the gun I purchased...
In my opinion I don't think anyone could have come closer to death while still breathing then I did...

I'm sorry, I find the above statement rather insulting. How does holding a gun in your hand and doing nothing with it even remotely compare to what some people [myself included] have actually done to themselves [and somehow survived] when trying to kill themselves.

Nicole Erin

02-02-2012, 11:11 AM

Hi everyone I am MTF in transition and I have a couple of questions. It is quite possible these have been addressed here and I missed them. For me transition is scary and is much like a vast forbiding dessert that must be crossed.

1. What happens if you find that people just don't take you seriously and consider you mentally ill? does anyone find themselves questioning their sanity?

2. Has anyone dealt with the fear of getting stuck mid transition with no way forward?

3. How do you deal with loses - relationships etc without them becoming regrets?

4. At what point can you finally look back and Know you have made it through?
or does transition just become a lifelong endeavor?

Need to know! Kelsy

1) I have not had that problem. People don't seem to treat me much different than they ever did.

2) I have not. I have always been poor, knew my options were limited but needed to live this way whatever the outcome.
I know some might have been doing well and were saving for SRS and all that but always knew it was not gonna be something i could probably ever afford.

3) The only big "loss" was when I got divorced. It was a regret at first but I noticed how peaceful and free life became so I quickly got over that. I keep a small social circle anyways so it is not like I had a lot of friends to lose.

4) For me, I think when I finally got my legal name change was a big one, but the real big one was when I was able to start a job as a woman. It is a rather humble job but it is a legitimate job.

I think the biggest thing for "making it through" is when one can keep their expectations realistic. Knowing what you have to work with, how far you CAN go, and what your shortcomings will be. It helps if you can lose the "I wish I had it as good as (whoever)" mentality.

Sophie_Serendipity

02-05-2012, 11:53 PM

I think the biggest thing for "making it through" is when one can keep their expectations realistic. Knowing what you have to work with, how far you CAN go, and what your shortcomings will be. It helps if you can lose the "I wish I had it as good as (whoever)" mentality.

I have to agree with this. Especially the last bit. I think everyone has their own path, and we all have our own difficulties during times that are more or less particular to our own experience. In considering comparative journeys, we all have a tendency to show recall bias and so it's easy to think that because someone else didn't have the same difficulties we did at a particular stage, that this means they didn't experience differences at all. I think the 'sanest' advice is to be 'smart' in how much advice we seek from others and how much we work things out for ourselves. This might seem a longer way around to go, but in the end, we have to find our own identities anyway, so really it just means not taking shortcuts. (of course, that doesn't include practical matters etc)

I think this also applies to this statement: "I'm sorry, I find the above statement rather insulting. How does holding a gun in your hand and doing nothing with it even remotely compare to what some people [myself included] have actually done to themselves [and somehow survived] when trying to kill themselves."

It is really unhealthy to get to the point of saying "my inferiority complex is worse than yours". Is that a championship we really want to win? I've also been through lifelong depression, self-harm and suicidality, but you know, one thing I've learned is not to compare my experience with others'. I think the original statement of "In my opinion I don't think anyone could have come closer to death while still breathing then I did..." is just what it says...an opinion. I didn't find it insulting, because simply, it wasn't about me.

We all have sensitivities, and god knows, as we transition we develop more of them AND they become much deeper, but we also DO have to remain realistic...not just about what we can achieve, but of what 'real life' is for others around us. This means, that although we might feel something to an incredibly powerful degree, we may simply be amplifying an otherwise less-significant issue and ultimately, end up making some big mistakes by over-reacting.

I think good planning accounts for a lot, and this means also planning our responses to people's comments. Sure, you can't plan for every possibility, but having a strategy framework helps a lot in keeping you on the path.

As to the specific questions:
1) Yes, this happens, and my response has been (a) to become more of an expert on sanity than everyone around me. (including doctors) and (b) behaving as sane, rational and DIGNIFIED in every other situation possible. Apart from that...maybe it's about being GOOD at your insanity.

2) This is a concern, and is largely why I decided to go into debt to complete transition as quickly as possible...the longer you take 'between' states, the more difficult it is to establish a new identity. (This depends largely on what your goals are, and to what extent you are happy with the stage you reach. I know some people who are happy enough being 'trans' and well, more power to them. It's just not for me.)

3) well, no easy answers, except to say with all possible compassion and empathy, do everything you can everyday to keep moving ahead and try to remember why it was you started this process in the beginning.

4) Some people think more absolutely about this than others...legal, physical etc. I asked my best friend about this. Her response was "I stopped thinking about you as anything other than Sophie a long time ago." Meaning, that in a lot of cases, I think it is US that prevents ourselves from truly believing our change is possible. I guess maybe I'm a little different to many, because I have a tendency to live in a kind of abstract, existential space anyway, so sometimes just remembering there is a physical world is a bit of an effort. (read that: "I think too much") ...there are times when I'm frustrated by the limitations of my body, but at the same time, I'm also deeply happy that I can now accept the face that I see in the mirror. I personally think that we really shouldn't define ourselves by any single thing...and furthermore, if we really should try to define ourselves in concrete terms at all. ...but then, I'm in danger of falling off the film-strip into empty space. I think that developing the skills of reflexivity and holding onto a big-picture view of your life can go a long way to achieving self-acceptance, and ultimately, this is far more important than achieving an 'absolute' concept of binary completion.

Postopadmirer

02-13-2012, 08:02 PM

Q: how do any of you deal with the need to transition while believing you will never pass? I have very broad shoulders and fear I will always standout if I attempt to transition or even dress-up.
Thanks in advance your your answers.

Hope

02-15-2012, 02:32 AM

I am one of those "classic" girls who knew from a VERY early age that I was a girl. And yet, I also am one of those unfortunate girls who is 6'2" tall with a deep bass voice... or at least male me had that great voice. When I was in 7th grade, I shot up from 5'0" to 6' in about 5 months time... and somewhere in there, I woke up one morning with a radio announcer's voice. LOTS of people commented on my voice... which was natural, it was a 35 year old's voice in a 14 year old's body. People would say "You have such a DEEP voice!" they were amazed and trying to be complimentary. You can imagine how I felt about it. And I remember, very clearly, the moment I realized that these two things together meant that I could NEVER transition... that I WOUlD NEVER be able to be a convincing woman. You can imagine what that did to my soul as well.

Before I started transition I used to get told I looked like Steven Segal. I was a big burley boy.

20 odd years later, things reached a point where I simply couldn't take it any more.

When I first started to present myself as female, I had no illusions that I was passing. And despite my deathly fear of being read as a freak, or a dude in a dress, the experience of being me was so much better than being the woman hiding in a suit... that I didn't mind it as much. That even being the dude in the dress was better than being the man.

Today, I have become much better at presentation (frankly better than I thought I could be) and a weird thing is happening... Even when I am not passing, I am still read as a woman... which is a bit of a weird distinction to make. To clarify, I seem to pass, about 50% of the time, every time. That is, that my presentation, voice, mannerisms, etc have reached a place where I pass with strangers, pretty reliably. And with those who I don't pass with (sometimes the moment of "discovery" is obvious) I am still interpreted as a woman... strangers never miss pronouns (people who knew me as mr. guy still get mixed up occasionally) and the only time I have been called "sir" in the last 6? months is (one time!) when a jerk was trying to be, well, a jerk. I am included in the girl talk. Men flirt with me (and not the way "tranny chasers" do) the lesbians I hang out with have completely accepted me (and they all know my history).

My word of hope to you is this: for all intents and purposes, even with those who do still read me (and it is a significant number) I am still a woman. Even at 6'2", even with big broad shoulders (though loosing muscle mass does reduce their bulk a lot), even with my crummy voice - I still seem to get "Girl" wherever I go. And you can too. You will go through an ugly period (we all do) you will go through the awkward stage - but it is not forever.

Jorja

02-16-2012, 08:56 AM

First, I would tell you to take a trip to the mall or wherever it is in your town where the women gather. Just sit back and look at them. You will see that women come in all shapes, colors, sizes, and looks. Now it would be nice if we could all be that super sexy, good looking hot chick that most men fantasize and drool over. Unfortunately, that is rarely the case even for GGs. Yes, we all will go through that ugly and awkward stage. Look back and remember some of the GGs from your youth. There were some really ugly girls that have grown up to be ravishing beauties. The same goes for us. That old story about the ugly duckling is more real than you may realize.

Take what you have and do the best you can with it. Allow HRT to do it's job. It takes time. As time and money permits, go for the FFS and other surgeries that make you look more like you want to look. Remember, even though life is short, you have a lifetime to work on yourself. And so what if you never achieve the look of a real GG? What matters is in your head and heart, not what your outside looks like.

Kaitlyn Michele

02-16-2012, 09:10 AM

You have to learn a brand new attitude.. That attitude is "It's MY LIFE!!!"

What this means is that you have to think about your true goals and needs.

The hard parts of transition are not whether you pass or not.
How serious are you about your gender? Unless you are absolutely certain or absolutely desperate, transition is not something to think about

If you are sure, then how you look is a quality of life issue, and we all look at it differently. Appearance is a quality of life issue for everyone, especially for women.
So all you can do is to make smart decisions about things like what you wear and whether cosmetic surgery is possible (just like any woman btw)...

maybe if you are serious you could start by doing a little work on you name..

Rachel_Moore

04-19-2012, 05:47 AM

I think you reach the stage in your life where passing (or not) doesn't matter and the need to be yourself and stop living a lie outweighs the risks involved from ridicule and rejection. I am lucky in that I am 5' 4" and live in stealth in the main part so probably not best suited to answer the question to the full but I believe that you don't become TS, you are born it and sometimes that realisation just takes a little longer. Whether we can pass or not, it does not reduce the reality that we are not the genders we were apparently born and to put it simply, transition or not is a choice we just don't have.

Rachel xx

CharleneT

04-29-2012, 03:18 AM

Hope is soooo right, that is a beautifully written reply !! I would like to add that I have a friend here who is larger than Hope by a fair bit ( she is 6'4" and weighs around 220), but she passes perfectly now. You can too. It does take effort and in some cases surgery can help a lot. BUT you can make it and live a full life. There are two tricks to "it": the less you try, the more you succeed; it takes practice - practice - practice !! Rome was not built in a day and the same is true of all successful folks living in an opposite gender.

noeleena

04-29-2012, 07:12 AM

Hi,

As many will be aware that i dont = yes ill use those words = i dont pass or blend in . being intersexed does not give you in my case a female / woman looking face.

iv been told by a few of the many friends i have & its true , we all come in different shapes sizes & looks, really we are all different, in my case i did not transition from male to female or female to male , im both allthough im a woman & accepted as one,

What i have as my advantage is im accepted for who i am not how i look or dont. iv joined women only groups & a member, they dont have any issues, so why should i , i dont,

If we based all we did on how we looked we'd do nothing get no where & be a recluse to the point of haveing no life at all. im very busy with people & very much a part of thier lifes as they are mine.

I know what its like knowing you cant look other than you are, no make up would change that, if you like its a cross i carry, so i do the best with what i have after that i have to leave it there, or go insane & then miss out on what i have,

Yes its hard to deal with . & yes i feel ashamed of how i look or dont. i get embarrised & wonder why the hell i am the way i am. so yes i go through all that. so it comes down to

...........IM still a .......WOMAN.........despite my self,

...noeleena...

Simply Joslyn

05-16-2012, 02:15 PM

Hello, It feels a little akward for me to be her and I'm not even sure if I'm aloud, I have atleast a year before I could even start to transition if I decide to, but I had questions and I guess felt I wanted answers if thats ok. This may be long, but I've considered this since I was thirteen, before that well I'm more of those worldly types with the only cares being those infront of me, see I didn't see the difference between boys and girls, I just saw humans, I didn't want to change or really even cared, it wasn't until I hit 12-13 that I started to have thoughts that I wanted to be a girl. I'm ok being me I won't commit suicide just for being me, but I don't want to be me, I look in the mirror both dressed as a woman and not and you can see which one I approve of, being a guy means nothing to me, I can't smile unless I'm in a real joyess mood, I get times when I just feel lost and depressed, my lower plumbing wouldn't be missed the only reason I started to use it in the first place was to stop it from working at night if you understand that. I"m not gay and I sure hope that isn't a factor. I just feel that if I were to become a woman full time I would get the same confidence and feeling boost I get when I'm dressed. But I don't want to do this if it isn't the right way, I feel I want to and dought I would regret it but I've done some reading herehttp://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CGcQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.tgchatroom.com%2Fwiki%2Findex .php%2FSo_You_Want_To_Be_a_T-Girl_(Chapter_1)&ei=5fuzT-H8H4ak6gG85eHEBg&usg=AFQjCNGf3YVlaYtKPDVJ3BzCJsmnBAThaA&sig2=lxpwcxbF-0f75JIoq0_zuA and it makes me feel like if I do this I'm doing it for the wrong reasons, I don't necessarily feel like a woman in a mans body, but I don't know what a woman feels like do I. My only other problem is I'm 6'5", I have a rather slender frame but I wouldn't want stand out any more than I do as a guy, but I suppose it doesn't matter how tall you are right? I just want to know does it sound like I shouldn't be trying for this?

Rianna Humble

05-16-2012, 05:42 PM

There is a myth that all transsexuals must share the same feelings and history. Every person is an individual.

Having said that, transition is not something that you should rush into without giving careful thought to why you are doing it and what would be the consequences. Even when it is (as was the case for some of us) it is a matter of life and death, you still need to think about what you are getting into.

You ask whether being gay or not is a factor - that has to do with your sexual orientation, not with your gender, so in my not so humble opinion, should not be a factor to weigh in the balance when deciding whether you are in reality a woman with a male body.

It would be wrong of me to try to tell you whether or not you are TS - only one person can know that for certain and that person is you.

May I suggest that you might benefit from finding a respected gender therapist and letting her guide you to ask the right questions of yourself?

sierra_g

05-17-2012, 01:03 PM

So, I know it is expensive, sometimes coming close to $100k for the full transition. How did you all pay for it? Were you covered under insurance for any of it? Are there foundations that help with this?

I know a lot of people go to Thailand for the surgeries to save money, how much do you actually end up saving?

addicted4urluv

05-18-2012, 02:17 AM

guys my structure is like i have big shoulders but as we go down it gets thinner which means i have narrow hips , will these hormones change it , or else i can have broader hips so that the ratio becomes proper . i am a beginner just 2 months oh hrt . please tell me the best and suitable option

Kaitlyn Michele

05-18-2012, 06:04 AM

Joslyn, you describe exactly my thought process over many years... i always viewed it as a fantasy..even a sexual fantasy.. the ideas that i wish/i want to be a girl, why wasnt i girl?? what would it be like? all haunted me..
But i was resigned to maleness i guess...and like many of us, i leapt in with both feet, and i never really connected my "guy failures" with not being a guy....even so, i didn't "hate" my body or ever try to kill myself..
i dressed when i had the chance, and i never noticed almost ALL of my inner dialogue was about my female thoughts...

i believe i felt this way because i accepted my maleness.. i viewed being a girl almost as magic...i don't think this really is any different than "knowing" at 6 yrs that you are female...i think its just a different way to cope with what must be a totally F'd up thinking process for a 6 year old..

I'm 6'2" ..hope is 6'2"...others here are "of height"...and btw Hope, your avatar looks fantastic!!
i won't lie...you will be noticed...

so even tho that may suck for you, you are going to have to deal with... if it stops you from transitioning, then the real life boots on the ground answer is that you will muddle through with whatever coping skills you have..
you are gonna have to weigh the feelings of GID vs the feelings of being afraid of your height (along with all the other things!! LOL)..

my approach to height was ffs and working on a good voice.. this worked for me... i really really wanted to "pass"...not just casually..so i saved up and i am blessed to have been able to afford the ffs...
and now the comments are "i bet you played basketball"."omg you are tall, were you a model??(3x i counted!!), and guys begging me to tell them how tall i am......

I'm a practical person, so i won't give you baloney...your height is an impediment up until either you fill up with self esteem or your GID gets so bad you just don't care...

Sierra...as a finance person, i can tell you there is no magic bullet...if you make 2000/month, you have to spend less than that and save it...plus if you want the savings to grow you have to risk it in the stock market..inflation will eat away at the money under the mattress..

if you can't live off your salary, you have to find a way to improve it.. think of it as investing in your transition...
the world is aiming towards insurance covering SRS, but that's about it...
there are no schemes or foundations that pay for this...although there are some community centers that hook you up with inexpensive hormones and discount electrolysis...but that's a big city thing usually..
HRT is VERY INEXPENSIVE..so thats a good place to start investing btw...

Aprilrain

05-21-2012, 06:25 AM

The belief that I would never pass meant that I started transition at 34 instead of 29-30. The reality is I do way better than I ever imagined possible. FFS changed my life unfortunately transition is really expensive especially if you need FFS and most of us do! I'm tall for a girl but still with in reason and I've shrunk from 6 down to 5' 11" ish and could possibly shrink some more though I'm not holding my breath nor do I let my height bother me now. I only recently started wearing heals as I found some super cute wedges I really like! Still usually it's flats for me. Kaitlyn said so many things that resonate with my experience. Shoulda been a girl, wishing I was a girl, imagining I had a vagina instead of a penis all just seemed like crazy fantasies. Never once did I say with conviction, "I'm a girl, world!" what I said was, "WTF is wrong with me!!" this madness did drive me to the brink of suicide, personally I needed that because of all of my fixed ideas about life, my place in the world, and male and female gender roles. I believe my fixation on gender roles was a defense of sorts, if I could clearly define the world and it's people I could figure out where I fit. I guess it worked in a backward sorta way. Thank god I do not have broad shoulders however I'm still about as curvy as a board.everyone is different but dont expect much change in the hip department, you may get some fat there and on your butt, it still will not be like a GGs curves which are the result of pelvic bone structure changes that happen during puberty.

Kathryn Martin

05-27-2012, 06:00 AM

I am 6'4" and weighed 225 lb when I decided to transition. I always stood out because of my height. I have broad shoulders, but fortunately shapely legs and fine bond arms and hands.

One of the first things I did was go online and googled what I perceived to be my flaws and how to fix them with clothing. As a result I never wear spagetti straps, or anything less than a capped sleeve, I carefully select my clothing to hide the flaws of the body I have (like any other woman). HRT will do much to deal with shapes. I wear heels frequently, which makes me 6'8".

Q: how do any of you deal with the need to transition while believing you will never pass? I have very broad shoulders and fear I will always standout if I attempt to transition or even dress-up.
Thanks in advance your your answers.

hayleegurl

05-29-2012, 06:33 PM

For me, I've been a gurl for as long as I can remember. And with the pleasures that come from my femininity, there also comes an enormous amount of pain. I was first dressed as a girl by my (fortunately deceased) pedophile uncle. I remember fondly my first female outfit - a bright yellow sundress with black Mary Janes and white tights, and the cutest pink polka-dotted parasol. but that is the only fond memory I have of my femininity. For seven long years, I hated everything about myself. Yet even in that pit of despair, Veronica was there watching out for me. When the molestation stopped, at age 13, nature took over. I developed breast tissue during puberty, and lactated - quite noticably, unfortunately. My mom took me to a doctor, who (this being the late 70's) gave Mom some 'magic ointment' to help me masculinize. Although I didn't know it at the time, this was the last coffin nail in a chain of events
that led to my become Veronica, as it began my path by triggering a (latent) disease I carried - Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome... The more 'magic cream' I took, the more feminine I became :O When the doctors found my ovary (after a CT scan of my abdomen, necessary for my gall bladder surgery), it had been fully functional since I began the androgel. They saw that the risks of removing it were too great, and I still have my ovary. Unfortunately, I wasn't healing fast enough after the surgery, and the doctors theorized that was due to my abnormally low testosterone, and gave me a 'booster shot' of testosterone to 'jump start' the healing process. This led to full-blown AIS in me, thus causing my one good testicle (the other, I found out, was an ovo-testis) to totally shut down, so I was now only producinbg female hormones, and the trickle of testosterone the pituatary and adrenals produce to function. The testosterone in my body was aromatizing, breaking down in such a way as to damage my liver. I was started THAT DAY on spiro, and faced with the decision to live, and become a female, or die slowly and painfully of liver failure. Tough choice that was... :D I had a 15-year-old-daughter I wanted to one day walk down the aisle, and I now can...as Roni, her 'Dad'.2

Dethgirl

05-29-2012, 11:47 PM

I'm eight-teen and I'd love nothing more than to become a girl. I could (and would greatly enjoy) talk to a mtf transsexual for hours with all my questions and fears about the surgery and the overall procedure, so I'll just ask a few for now.
1. Did the entire procedure confuse you at first?
2. What was the first step you took?
3. How much did it all cost in the end? (money wise)
4. Are you happier now?
5. How long did the whole procedure take? from the first step to the last surgery or therapy session(or are you still going on with it?)

Jorja

06-09-2012, 02:29 PM

Dethgirl,

First off, let me say this loud and clear. Do not transition unless you have no other option. That being said, Do your homework first. Once you do make the decision to transition, it is not an easy road to travel.

I knew I was different from the time I was 4 or 5 years old. Life had played a cruel trick on me. It put this female into a male body. My parents were no help. They said you were born male, you will just have to learn to be a male. At around 10 years old I informed them (after learning about Christine Jorgensen) that I would be a woman some day. I got knocked across the kitchen for that.

As I learned about the entire procedure I was more amazed that they could do that than confused. Back in those days I had to look things up in an encyclopedia or medical journal. There was no internet. I finally met a couple of transwomen and got to ask questions. They were both very kind and answered alot of my questions. I was talked into making one last effort at being a male. I joined the U.S. Navy. Mistake!!!!! After my 4 years were over, that evening I started my transition and never looked back.

As I recall my first steps were never again wearing male clothing and starting electrolysis (laser had not been invented as yet). There were no therapist to consult with as yet. I do encourage you to seek one out. They can be very beneficial to the process.

How long did the whole procedure take? from the first step to the last surgery or therapy session(or are you still going on with it?)
For me it was about 10 years. It could have been done in two or three years but this was early on in the history of SRS and FFS. The procedures just weren't to my liking. I waited several years for the techniques to catch up to the science. What I had done isn't even close to what they can do now days. So it has been revised a time or two.

As I recall, the total price of my transformation was around $80,000 USD. As time has passed and new techniques have been perfected I have spent around $40,000. So that is a total of $140,000 USD. I don't care who you are, that is a lot of money. I worked 2 and 3 jobs and saved every penny I could to pay for it. For me no insurance would cover the surgeries.

Am I happier now? Happier is a relative term. It stopped the GID. I have worked really hard and consider myself a success. I live in a nice house and have plenty of money. I have two kids (from a dumb marriage at 19) that love me and I wouldn't part with them for anything. I was married to a wonderful man until he passed unexpectedly a couple of years ago. So I guess I have been happy.

Stephkat

06-11-2012, 07:43 AM

Jorja

06-11-2012, 08:38 AM

Stephkat,
Most gender therapists with experience have seen and heard it all. Even if they haven't I doubt there is much that would freak them out. Simply go in and tell them you are questioning your gender and would like some help figuring it out.

Bree-asaurus

06-11-2012, 12:37 PM

Well hello gals. I was born in this male shell but female inside. I long to transition ( the full deal FFS through SRS) so bad that it hurts, I live out here in North Dallas Texas and it seems to me that most therapists have no idea about transsexual women and view you as being nuts, they are clueless. I've always known that I was different and did girl things, felt comfortable with girls and never had any male friends, have not been in any relationship for 11 years now, I can't stand the thought of another person seeing my body since it disgusts me.

My question is this, when you first went to a therapist/psychiatrist what was the first things you said or told him/her and what was their reactions. This is not a decision or choice, this is a need that has to happen, or I feel I might lose my mind, I want to stop crying. :brokenheart:

Just go in there and be honest. When you are trying to figure things out, you will be learning and growing and there are times where you may contradict yourself. Don't worry about saying the wrong thing, because who you are and what you thought a month ago doesn't change who you are and what you think today, etc. Therapy, learning who you are and what you want, transition, it's all a process. Again... just be honest and say exactly what you feel, not what you plan ahead of time and think is a good answer to get you where you want to go. Therapy doesn't work if you don't completely open up and tell the truth.

I was just in north Dallas a month ago getting an orchiectomy at a great facility... check them out at ai4ps.com (american institute for plastic surgery). They do a lot of good work for transitioning FTMs and MTFs and they also have a few transsexuals that run a 'transsexual recovery home' for those recovering from surgery. While they can't do anything for you now, somebody there might know of a few local therapists who deal with transgender and transsexual patients... so if you run out of other options, maybe give them a call?

Stephkat

06-11-2012, 10:57 PM

Well I feel there are a lot of good people here, wow. This is something big, I guess I must take a deep breath and take those first steps. I will try that ai4pc.com and see if they can guide me to the person/people I need to speak with, again thanks very much. This is all very scary right now but I guess with time it will ease up a bit.

abigailf

06-19-2012, 04:53 PM

This is to those of you with a big family and friend network. I am not quite sure what is the best way to ask, but let's try this.

1. I am mostly out. My close family members and people I primarily interact with know about me. My in-laws have not yet been told with the exception of my wife's sister. She has another sister and her parents that need to be told. My wife is having a difficult time about how we should tell her parents. I'm thinking to just do it the way I have been, but they are old world Italians in their advanced years and the wear and stress of life is really starting to show on them. We worry about their health more than their reaction. I suppose there is no easy way to do it but I thought that maybe someone else had a similar situation and could share.

2. What is the best way to tell those people that I may not primarily interact with but I still have a good bond with. They are not few and I tire of the one on one talks. Email seems too impersonal as does the facebook status and name change. Some of my friends ask why I need to say anything in the first place. I am just not sure. I care enough to tell them but not enough to care about their reaction.

Jorja

06-20-2012, 01:24 PM

abigailf

06-21-2012, 06:23 AM

Is it necessary to tell anyone? Do they have a need to know? Do your thing and keep quiet...

Yea, I tend to think that as well, and it might even prove interesting when I finally do see those that I don't see very often.

With the in-laws I don't think it is an option. I see them regularly. One day I am going to look obviously feminine even to them and I am not going to be able to hide it. I wouldn't want to. What do I tell them when I go in for an operation? Lies and deception is what got me here in the first place and I am just not like that - well not anymore anyway. Besides, they would be more hurt if they heard it from someone else rather from us and I couldn't do that to them either.

I would rather deal with their disappointment and disapproval than have to lie anymore. I am just looking for an easy way to let them know, but I suppose there just isn't.

Jorja

06-21-2012, 09:57 PM

I would not want you to lie nor deceive anyone Abigail. You know the situation with the health of your in laws. If you chose to tell them there is only one way to do it. Just tell them.

abigailf

06-22-2012, 09:35 AM

Yea, I know. There is no magical solution. Worth a shot to ask though.

Thanks.

Angiemead12

07-12-2012, 06:43 AM

Hello, How many of you still work in your old male job before you decided to transition? Thank you!

Frances

07-12-2012, 07:10 AM

Hello, How many of you still work in your old male job before you decided to transition? Thank you!

Where we worked before as a male or if we are still doing the kind of job that a man would have?

If it's the former, I am. I have been with this company for 7 years and went full-time about three years ago. I had my surgery 18 months ago. Though a lot of the employees have changed and the new ones do not know about me, I am trying to find work elsewhere nonetheless.

Michelle.M

07-12-2012, 08:39 AM

Hello, How many of you still work in your old male job before you decided to transition? Thank you!

I wish! My old job was active duty US Army, so of necessity I had to leave to begin my RLE. I am currently unemployed and looking for a job.

Frances

07-12-2012, 09:08 AM

I wish! My old job was active duty US Army, so of necessity I had to leave to begin my RLE. I am currently unemployed and looking for a job.

Interesting. So you understood work usually done by a male.

Michelle.M

07-12-2012, 09:24 AM

Interesting. So you understood work usually done by a male.

Not at all. The OP asked about my "old male job before you decided to transition", and I inferred that to be the job I had as a male before I decided to transition.

Some specialties in the Army are exclusively male (such as infantry), but there are many women in the Army in most other career fields. But unlike the Canadian Armed Forces transgender servicemembers are not permitted to serve in the US Armed Forces. It was either leave of my own volition or wait to be discovered and be discharged.

Rianna Humble

07-12-2012, 03:32 PM

Hello, How many of you still work in your old male job before you decided to transition? Thank you!

All one of me :heehee: still has the same job I held before I began my RLE.

Kathryn Martin

07-12-2012, 04:00 PM

I am still doing the same work as a lawyer working in the same community. I transitioned in place.

Carole Cross

07-12-2012, 04:15 PM

I am still working in the same job I had before I transitioned over 2 years ago. I am an elctrical assembler although it is possible I could be moving to a different job within the same company in the near future. It will mean more pay.

CharleneT

07-13-2012, 08:02 PM

Hello, How many of you still work in your old male job before you decided to transition? Thank you!

Sorta yes and no. I have a small business, that I've run for (yikes) 17 years. That is still going fine and I transitioned in place. Most of my customers stayed with me. I lost maybe 30 % due to them being uncomfortable with my change. I also have a second job, but that I started after I went full time and they do not know about my past. In that job I do work that is done by either gender ( Pharmacy Technician ).

tonidouglas

07-14-2012, 06:39 AM

Hope

07-18-2012, 04:20 AM

Hello, How many of you still work in your old male job before you decided to transition? Thank you!

I was a member of the clergy (I suppose technically I always will be) and when I was outed to my bishop he quickly and quietly required me to resign. No questions asked. At the time I was only out to 3 people in the world, I had never been out dressed, I didn't even have any idea what any of this really meant for me. I could have fought my bishop on the issue and made a big deal about it, but I had come to the conclusion that the church was not worth the fight... I had been planning to leave any way, but I wanted to do it on my terms, at the time of my choosing.

Since transition I have found rewarding work extremely difficult to come by... I can get crummy jobs without difficulty - but despite having loads of experience, and too much education - finding a real gig has eluded me.

Empress Lainie

07-18-2012, 09:01 AM

I was a music teacher in the community schools here for 22 years and the only teacher that taught all instruments, run by the City of Las Vegas. When I transitioned
in one day and told the school office and my students and parents I was living the rest of my life as a woman, everything was fine for 2 months; then I went to work one day and was told that the director wanted to see me. She came to my room followed by a real bitch of a woman who never said a word but glared hatred at me that you could feel.
I was told that my services were no longer required by the school. I talked to the school board member I knew and she knew nothing about it, since the city had taken over the schools a year before. The reason for the hatred came from that person's Mormon religion.

I was out of work 2.5 years, and accumulated $30,000 in debt trying to stay solvent, stupidly thinking that I could get a job based on my 40 years of engineering including running my own business. I didn't know at the time NO ONE will hire you (except maybe an individually owned business) if you are over 50. Corporate
health insurance companies forbid the companies from doing it or lose the insurance.

I still had a few private students I taught at home, but as time went on the moved away so I lost them. I finally got a job with a company that maintains slot parlours in grocery stores with 15 slot machines, mostly video poker, but also some reels, and keno. After 3 weeks they gave me my own store....only it was 16 miles and 25 minutes away from home. I had that store for nearly 3 years, then just a few weeks ago got the store I had bid on 3 times that is only 3 minutes away from home.

I pursued a suit against the city for violation of federal EEOC non-discrimination laws. It was approved by the two lower levels and the third level Mormon stopped it cold.

Only 2 people at the first store knew I was trans. No one at this store knows. I was hired twice on the 2010 census for a few months by the Fed Dept of Commerce and they didn't know either. That was my first job where I was completely accepted as a woman.

So I went from $17/hr at the school and $40/hr private teaching to minimum wage of $7.25/hr.
Sometime LIFE sucks.

lexie89

08-26-2012, 11:00 PM

i was going to start a new topic and ask this but then i decided to search and see maybe there was some one who started something on those lines and i found this :D so my questions about MTF transition are.

how many years or cases should the shrink you are visiting have to be sure he is really qualified
wold be how expensive are hormones ?
what do hormones do actually ? because i have read about this around the web and some people say one thing wile others say another
how many years do you have to take Estrogen and Hormonal blockers ?
what kind of income wold be enough to actually be able to still go on with your day to day life and transition if the shrink says you are TG
is it true that Estrogen increase cancer triggering ?

Sophie_Serendipity

08-27-2012, 04:20 AM

1. Just because someone has been doing the same job for a long time doesn't mean they're good at it. The most important thing in a therapist is finding someone you are compatible with, and someone whose goal for being in their job is to work their way out of being necessary. I was the very first 'GID' (that diagnosis no longer exists) client my therapist had, but her empathy and willingness to listen and learn has meant that she has been an excellent ally in the process. Don't go to therapy looking for someone to give you simple answers and tell you how to make everything perfect. Therapy is a process, and something you have to invest in to find the answers for yourself. The most a therapist can do realistically is help you to ask the right questions of yourself.
2. The price of hormones varies a lot from place to place and depends a lot too on how regulated they are. I know a lot of people get them from the internet which I'm led to believe is much cheaper. I get mine over the counter here, so I don't know what it's like where you are.
3. The effects of hormones vary widely on every person's body. Some react quickly and others not so much. 'Typical' doses of hormones make me really sick, so I take comparatively low amounts, but still have had pretty good results. There's just no way of knowing until you start. As most people will tell you though, make sure you have medical supervision. It has been impossible for me to see an endocrinologist, but I still have my bloodwork checked regularly by my GP, checking the relevant levels and functions of things. Yes, there are many different versions and opinions, and some swear black and blue that others are wrong etc etc. All you can do is try to find the best research you can, and not just rely on hearsay from others. That's not to say that their experience is not valid, it's just that it's really only valid for THEM.
4. Again...some disagreement on this. Now that I've had the surgery, my doctor wants me to come off the anti-androgens completely. I certainly don't need them for blocking testosterone anymore, but they do have other beneficial effects on other functions of my body. The head of the surgery department at the research university here says that once the body has adapted, hormones can be discontinued completely.

How long the hormones help to change your body depends again on how your body responds. The general consensus is about three years, give or take...but you know. It's something you have to check. For me, the biggest thing about hormones is that it helps me tremendously with fighting depression, which has been a life-course battle. To be vulnerable for a minute, I have to say I'm a little scared to stop taking estrogen completely, because of the fear that the depression might return. Yes yes, I know all of the possible reasons, possibilities and permutations of why that might be so.
5. How long is a piece of string? I've managed to transition while on a student budget in a foreign country, while supporting a partner. ...but then, I'm also half Scottish so being thrifty runs in my veins. Things like electrolysis will cost you a fortune, but if you're prepared to persist with shaving and tweazing, you can put that off for a while. The surgery of course is the single biggest financial commitment. I paid for mine with a bank overdraft that I'll be paying off for quite a while.
6. Estrogen and cancer. Well...the evidence for this is far from incontrovertible. A lot can be said for lifestyle. If you want to reduce your chances of cancer from anything...don't drink, don't smoke, eat good food, exercise regularly and live in a clean environment. I know there are those who say the average age of trans people is less than the rest of the community, but it's also pretty easy to argue that this is largely because of other difficult life experiences and the prevalence of substance abuse, high stress, mental illness and so on. When I asked my doctor about this, she said to me "Well, there is some possibility it might shorten your life by a few years, but then you have to make a choice, would you rather have a shorter, happier life, or a longer unhappier life?" It was a pretty easy choice really.

Interestingly enough, total transition although increasing chances of cancer, such as breast cancer, it also removes the chance of testicular cancer and massively reduces any likelihood of prostate cancer; both of which have disturbingly high prevalence rates in men. I think life is life and you have to do your best to live on as long as you can as best you can. You know, you might develop cancer from all kinds of other things in life, so living in fear of that one thing is hardly productive.

Ok, sorry for being long-winded. I hope that helps.

lexie89

08-27-2012, 12:12 PM

yeah it did but when i asked about estrogen what effects it has i was referring does it stop hair growth from face and chest does it make hair from the head denser skin smoother and stuff like that ?

Sophie_Serendipity

08-27-2012, 01:08 PM

ok...well, again, it varies. For me, I did get my natural hair back on my head, and in combination with spironolactone does seem to have slowed down facial and body hair growth. It doesn't stop them though. Some people say that over extended periods it has eventually declined to a more typically female level, but I would assume that depends on how much hair you had to start with. To give you an idea though, my chest hair is now manageable with twice weekly sessions of pulling hairs out with tweezers. It was black and course to begin with, but now is very light and fair in colour. So the combination of hormones and pulling hairs as opposed to shaving them helps a lot.

LeaP

08-27-2012, 02:17 PM

.. NO ONE will hire you (except maybe an individually owned business) if you are over 50. Corporate[/B] [B]
health insurance companies forbid the companies from doing it or lose the insurance.

Lainie, that's just nonsense. First, from my own experience, I've been hired twice after age 50 and after layoffs. Second, I work for an insurance company, and your statement simply isn't accurate.

It IS harder to get a job as you age, no doubt about it. Age discrimination is everywhere, even if no-one admits to it.

Sophie_Serendipity

08-27-2012, 10:40 PM

Oh, forgot to mention...yes it does make your skin softer and for me, more sensitive. So you need to pay more attention to looking after it better. It also turns your muscles into flab and you lose a lot of your strength...which personally is ok with me, it's not like I needed to be an olympic weight lifter, but some people find it worrisome.

roberta.backer

09-12-2012, 01:37 PM

Hi, any advice for someone that wants to start hormones at 57 ? anyone else start them at a late stage ?

LeaP

09-12-2012, 01:47 PM

Hi, any advice for someone that wants to start hormones at 57 ? anyone else start them at a late stage ?

My advice is to take this query to the main transsexual forum. It is a larger discussion topic more than a Q&A situation.

Jorja

09-13-2012, 02:59 PM

Hi, any advice for someone that wants to start hormones at 57 ? anyone else start them at a late stage ?

Hi Roberta, Do not expect a lot of changes on HRT do to your age. There might be softening of the skin and a few other benefits along the way. You might notice a change in your mental state (a good change). I would not expect much in the way of breast growth or fat redistribution to the hips. However, taking HRT is a crapshoot. It depends on genetics, and physical makeup so you never know what will happen for sure.

Michelle.M

09-13-2012, 03:07 PM

GIAVANNA

09-22-2012, 12:31 PM

Hello Roberta, I started them age 42...about 7-8 months on them, only mood changes and the mammary glands are growing , but at a snails pace. Body Hair is slightly less!!!!I am currently looking for ways I can get my gender marker changed before the surgeries in Florida...If anyone has done this please let me know how to do it, what documents I need and who to talk too. Thank you very much!!!!

Saffron

10-06-2012, 10:41 PM

I have a question for the most experienced. Your transition finally came to an end where you finally found peace with your inner self or you feel like there is always something to do next.

noeleena

10-07-2012, 05:24 AM

Hi,

Transition. or is there something more to do. nether,

Part of my difference really , i did not change from male to female or female to male could not happen , when your intersexed your both . as is my case, how you live or dress can be , i can dress in ether clothes & that does not define who i am,

i know im accepted as a normal woman yet is that the sum of who i am, of cause not, being different gives you more to work with, its about accepting your self being happy in who you are, & to be content not striveing to be other than who you are,

As to is there something next, no i surpose you mean can i change more of myself or who i am , maybe be more like someone else be more beautyfull have more of the looks that many women have,

Well it has crossed my mind & would that be really who i am, say haveing FFS. people know who i am Jos has known me for 37 years she knows full well what i look like, & so do others going back 56 years, & people have accepted who i am what i look like so would haveing those changes make any difference, look at my avatar would it be worth it, yes i know male facial features, & at my age i say no,
Jos loved me for what i looked like then & now she allso understands who i am & that means being a woman who is just that,

Though to explain, my name of noel shows my maleness & noeleena shows my femaleness, so what would i need when i pretty much have all i need ,

...noeleena...

Jorja

10-09-2012, 11:36 AM

@Saffron

At the "end" of my transition, when all was complete, I felt as though all was right with the world. I had inner peace. Then I found out just how little I actually knew about being a woman.Transition is one thing, learning to be a woman is something entirely different. You have made it through the gauntlet now the education begins. You must realize though, I transitioned in the days before the internet. We didn't have all the resources you do today.

Danielle19

11-21-2012, 04:33 PM

Just out of curiosity before transition did anyone like women the later in the transition start being attracted to men? Or any combination of that? I guess what I'm asking is if the treatments change your "orientation"?

DeeDee1974

11-22-2012, 09:07 AM

It didn't change my orientation, but it helped me accept my attraction to men. I was and divorced twice to women all by the age of 35. Now at the age of 38 I have been with my boyfriend a little over a year.

Stephkat

12-31-2012, 07:16 PM

Well I really don't know where to start. I've felt I should have been a girl from about ten or so, was told and guided to act and behave a male. It gets harder and harder every year. I'm 41 now and very fit and healthy but feel time has run out. If I were to get diagnosed transgender or having gender dysphoria then my job and career are gone (regulated). Members of my family dislike people who are gay and would disown me in a second so I never let my guard down, if I did all would be gone. I cry quite often and have managed so far (have cried hard in the car driving often and teared up on the airlines) not to lose it in public for the most part. How do other people cope with the pain.

Rianna Humble

12-31-2012, 07:34 PM

Steph, you don't say what part of the world you live in so I don't know what hope to offer you abut your job etc.

Some members of your family might surprise you - my father surprised me.

If you are only 41 then time definitely has not run out but from your words I get the impression that you are not currently ready to transition.

In your place, knowing what I know now, I would have sought help from a qualified Gender Therapist to help me to sort out what I should be doing with my life and how to work through the pain of Gender Dysphoria.

Unfortunately, I did not know 16 years ago what I know now, so I lived through another 14 years before I got to the stage where I had to choose between life and death. As I told one doctor - I decided there was more future in living so I came out as TS and began my RLE

Stephkat

12-31-2012, 08:12 PM

Hey, the problem is I don't know what to do, how to move forward. Part of the problem is that I have two children and pay child support. Now if I lose the job (will happen) then medical insurance is gone and so is the paycheck and child support becomes difficult. My Ex does not have a good paying job and so does need the help. I live in Texas just out of Dallas. I feel as though I'm going to lose my mind at times, even had a knife in hand having serious thoughts about calling it a night, not something I'm proud of. I work in a government regulated position and in their rules any diagnosis of transgender or gender dysphoria is immediate grounds for dismissal, their words not mine :-( How do other people manage who are unable to move forward or lose it all. Buy the way, the Ex would make sure I never see the kids again, that is one area she is very firm for this sort of thing. I know this since she had told me a story about a person she had known that was proceeding with hormones for MTF and the Ex made great effort to inform me of her thoughts on the subject, in short, the kids will be gone. Now if I do nother the question is, will I make it to the end, when I thinks of this that's when I cry again and the cycle continues.

Angela Campbell

01-02-2013, 10:12 PM

Is it possible to start HRT and still be able to pass as a man at times? I am 55 and have too much to lose to fully transition and must live at least some of the time as a man, but I would like to get at least a little bit more feminine if possible. When I am spending time as a woman I want to look more like one. Is this even possible, to go halfway? Is it all or nothing?

arbon

01-02-2013, 11:38 PM

TNRobin

01-02-2013, 11:44 PM

God, I hope so. I'm 51 and the more time that I dress the more that I want to. I have a appointment next week with a therapist, so I'll probably drive her to drink. But like yourself I have to live in the male world as well. I have no idea how my family would take it, but I own my own business doing custom work on firearms, so as you can imagine the TS/CD world and this one clash a great deal...tons of testosterone versus as little as possible!

Stephanie-L

01-03-2013, 07:33 AM

Steph, The one thing you need to do is see a therapist. There are several in the area (I live in Fort Worth, I see one in Arlington). As to your job, I find that very odd. The only place where that could be an issue would be the military. Otherwise, I doubt the government would allow that kind of discrimination. If it would be helpful, I can put you in touch with a lawyer here in Texas who has a lot of experience in dealing with Transgender and all of the issues we face. She can deal with things like the job and the ex. If you would like, please feel free to PM me, life does get easier if you can talk to someone. Much luck to you...........Stephanie

Angela Campbell

01-03-2013, 08:00 AM

The physical changes of the hormones often are not as great as we would like, especially when we are older, so it is possible. There are some people that do take hormones without fully transitioning.
However there can be some mental changes to and it could make it harder to accept still having to live part of the time as man.

I think that deep down inside I know that I am still resisting because I just cannot imagine some of the things I would have to do and the changes,and the fear of what I could lose, but I also know that I am losing that battle. Still I have lived with this for 50 years so far. Keeping a secret that long makes it hard to tell the world the truth. I know I have to do something but I am not ready to go all the way just yet either.
I think I am afraid because it is getting more difficult every day.

Stephkat

01-03-2013, 05:57 PM

[QUOTE=Stephanie-L, yes the government policy on any diagnosis for gender dysphoria is immediate. You see, I'm certified through the US government as a crew member and in their regulations it states very clearly that any tans-gender/gender dysphoria condition is grounds for immediate grounding and medical certificate revocation, it's very clear in black and white. I'm getting to the point where I don't really know if or how much longer I can do this. I cry about this so much and it's getting harder to hide it. I get very, very depressed I can't have relationships since I wish not for people to see the real me. The marriage I had went very bad since I was unable to be the man she thought she had married, but couldn't bring myself to tell her the reasons why since I knew her thoughts and idea's on this sort of thing before hand and knew she would stop me seeing the children. There may come a point where I just break down one day and it's all over then or I in a fit of despair do something stupid see no reason to go on. I should not be curling up in the middle of the living room on my knee's, crying. I know this is very unhealthy but can't figure out, how to get out.

Stephkat

01-03-2013, 05:58 PM

Sorry but the reply went somewhere else but Stephanie-L, yes the government policy on any diagnosis for gender dysphoria is immediate. You see, I'm certified through the US government as a crew member and in their regulations it states very clearly that any tans-gender/gender dysphoria condition is grounds for immediate grounding and medical certificate revocation, it's very clear in black and white. I'm getting to the point where I don't really know if or how much longer I can do this. I cry about this so much and it's getting harder to hide it. I get very, very depressed I can't have relationships since I wish not for people to see the real me. The marriage I had went very bad since I was unable to be the man she thought she had married, but couldn't bring myself to tell her the reasons why since I knew her thoughts and idea's on this sort of thing before hand and knew she would stop me seeing the children. There may come a point where I just break down one day and it's all over then or I in a fit of despair do something stupid see no reason to go on. I should not be curling up in the middle of the living room on my knee's, crying. I know this is very unhealthy but can't figure out, how to get out.

Stephanie-L

01-03-2013, 08:17 PM

Steph, I suspect either your info is out of date, or the company you work for is behind the times. If you are talking about the FAA, then they have changed their requirements regarding Trans folk. Check out this article
http://www.thenewamerican.com/usnews/item/12573-faa-drops-drops-psychological-testing-for-%E2%80%9Ctransgender%E2%80%9D-pilots

There was also a thread posted here some time ago about transgender pilots, etc. Unless you are actually in the military, I would bet that things have changed in the last few years regarding the government and trans folk. I still say that you need to be in therapy to help you figure out how you want to deal with the issues you face. Also, it really may be helpful to talk to a lawyer who knows the issues trans folks face. The offer still stands, please feel free to message me, I live in the same area you do, perhaps I can point you at some local resources............Stephanie

Beth-Lock

01-06-2013, 08:04 AM

Why is the suicide rate for the T community so horribly high?

It is an extremely difficult decision to make, both accepting that you are trans and that you should live in the opposite gender permanently. If you change your mind and detransition, or are wrestling with the decision to transition or not, this is a really dangerous time in regard to suicide attempts. (Refer to the case of Christine Daniels)

Being dumped by a best friend, (BFF) or SO, at the time you are emotionally vulnerable, partly because your new personality in the new gender is not fully formed and functional yet, has been a factor in this. (Refer to the case of Sydney Glennie and my own.)

The art of suicide prevention is of low priority to most professionals, who regard it now too much as a choice of the sufferer which is not their business, and compared to the 1960's, it appears to be a lost art. The provision of emergency psychiatric services for suicidal persons and ready access to kindly, high quality emergency support services, is often poor, spotty, (not always readily or at all available, in a timely way), or non-existent, perhaps due to system overload. This makes the plight of anyone driven to suicide, more difficult and lonely than it ought to be, in rich countries with a highly developed civilization. That is a shame.

In my case, a suicide attempt resulted from a known side effect of a testosterone blocker I was prescribed as a part of transition and preparation for SRS. This was understood too late. The solution was to switch to another such drug, and quietly let mother nature heal the physical injuries after medical care proved inconclusive.

Why did my bell go off so late in life?

That is a good question. In my case, sex change was not generally known about when I was very young. Later it was unthinkable, so I repressed the idea. Until a couple of decades ago, it would have been treated, if at all, by brutal attempts to stamp out one of the symptoms of transsexualism, crossdressing, neglecting the underlying transsexualism. By the time it was a viable option I was about 30 years old, and it was still rare and so widely misunderstood, that the whole thing was kept secret for the sake of those who underwent SRS then.

Originally Posted by Julia26,
"did any of you MtF's ever have doubts about whether or not you truly are a transsexual?"

Yes, See above. Only specialized therapy reveals the truth in many cases, or in my case, confirmed it.

Did you identify as a crossdresser until you found out about being a transsexual? Basically im asking if you started out thinking you were a crossdresser and then later found signs that lead you to believe you were a transsexual?

Yes. See above.

Did anyone who didn't start transition until after their twenties, think back and not really have a time in their childhood where they really wanted to be a girl?

Reason I ask is I'm trying to work out what dressing and gender identity is to me, and I'm easily led at times so have fit an article about TS people very, very closely to myself. However I don't recall feeling like the wrong gender until I examined why I was dressing and why I felt so much better (nonsexually) recently (though I have never had an attachment to "being male" or my genitals in particular.

Much the same here. Frustrated by it all, I started dressing as a woman full-time, on my own, shortly before going for the therapy with a gender specialist, which led eventually to SRS. I needed professional confirmation I was transsexual, but had come to the conclusion I probably was, after nearly a lifetime of crossdressing. i also needed professional help with the process of transition, for it is too hard to do alone.

Janelle_C

01-18-2013, 04:46 PM

Frances

01-18-2013, 04:54 PM

How long does it take to get rid of facial hair. I read in a post that it can take hundreds of hours. I thought electrolysis killed the hair follicle and it didn't grow back. Is laser any faster. Janelle

It does not kill at first pass. I single hair may have to be zapped up to 10 times and more, and the growth cycle of 6 weeks or so has to accounted for. It took me over 250 hours on top of the laser.

Michelle.M

01-18-2013, 07:00 PM

How long does it take to get rid of facial hair. I read in a post that it can take hundreds of hours. I thought electrolysis killed the hair follicle and it didn't grow back. Is laser any faster. Janelle

OK, let's look at some numbers. A typical male beard may have up to 40,00 hairs, but not all of them are active and visible. Hair grows in cycles (dormant, active and shedding), and only the active hair follicles can effectively be killed by electrolysis.

I have had 117 hours of electrolysis so far (total cost to date: $12,170.00 US) and I'm going in Monday for another round. By now my beard is very light; even after 3 days of growing my face out you can only see a few dark hairs but I can feel all sorts of light-colored hair stubble, so I am definitely in the home stretch.

My first session lasted 2 days and took 18 hours, Monday I'll probably be done in 4 hours or less. I estimate I'll need perhaps another 20 hours or so to be completely cleared for good. Or, more accurately, to be cleared to the point where I am no more hairy than the typical genetic woman of my age.

It does not kill at first pass. I single hair may have to be zapped up to 10 times and more, and the growth cycle of 6 weeks or so has to accounted for. It took me over 250 hours on top of the laser.

I hate to say this but your electrologist was probably not as proficient at her craft as she should have been. If electrolysis is properly done one pass will kill one hair follicle per impulse.

It often seems as if a hair needs several passes because that one dead follicle is right next to another that has yet to be treated, so it always seems as if you're getting the same ones done over and over. The real reason for so many sessions is that even with a total clearing (I get full face clearing each time) I may only be getting as few as 25% of my total hairs zapped, and as the number of active hairs decreases it become easier to see progress. But I had 9 or 10 total clearings before my beard wasn't such a serious problem.