Ask a MTF transsexual

[Joan Merrie]

I hope the guys don't mind, but I got the idea from them, Thanks brothers,
OK, ask us anything as long as it doesn't break the forum rules. THIS WILL BE QUESTION AND ANSWER ONLY, NO COMMENTS. So ask away we'll answer the best we can. Questions will be answered by any girl that' s, Full time or Transisioning, post op or pre-op:hugs::love:

[BreenaDion]

How do you get your brain hard wired, so no switching back an forth?

Is it true that alcohol helps you stay male (in the brain)?

What can we do to change the Standards of Care to fit the changing times?

Why is the suicide rate for the T community so horrablely high?

Why did my bell go off so late in life?

Love Breena :love:

[Joan Merrie]

How do you get your brain hard wired, so no switching back an forth?

Is it true that alcohol helps you stay male (in the brain)?

What can we do to change the Standards of Care to fit the changing times?

Why is the suicide rate for the T community so horrablely high?

Why did my bell go off so late in life?

Love Breena :love:
?1. For me there isn't any back and forth, I just don't ware my good cloths when I'm at work.
?2 I never have heard about that
?3 I think they need to include the younger generation so help can be found for them sooner.
?4 Lack of support, be it family or friends. and unemployment.
?5 Most likely like me, the lack of information. Perhaps just got tired of living a lie.
:hugs::love:

[GypsyKaren]

How do you get your brain hard wired, so no switching back an forth?
Everything comes with practice and time.


Is it true that alcohol helps you stay male (in the brain)?
Never heard that one before, I can't think of a single thing that alcohol helps


What can we do to change the Standards of Care to fit the changing times?
If everyone went overseas for their surgery like I did, the surgeons here would force immediate changes, nothing works like a hit in the pocketbook.


Why is the suicide rate for the T community so horrablely high?
I can't answer or explain for others.


Why did my bell go off so late in life?
It happens, there's no time limit or alarm clock to it, plus it's easier now since there's a lot more information available.

Karen :g1:

[Jennifer in CO]

How do you get your brain hard wired, so no switching back an forth?

Is it true that alcohol helps you stay male (in the brain)?

What can we do to change the Standards of Care to fit the changing times?

Why is the suicide rate for the T community so horribly high?

Why did my bell go off so late in life?

Love Breena :love:


brain wiring...once you've been on one side or the other for long enough period of time, it stays put. I vividly remember the first time I did something and didn't think about how "he or she" would do it. I got into a car and smoothed my "skirt" under me as I sat...even tho I was wearing slacks.

booze... wouldn't know...never touch the stuff...never seen it do anyone any bit of good tho

SoC...i think the SoC needs an update. It has been a long time since it was written and for the most part its still a safe pattern. The problem is more people are finding the path of least resistance to "get out of their box" and that in its self doesn't follow the SoC...

Suicide...I think its like one of those volcano experiments we all did in elementary school...only no hole in the top for all the pressure to blow out of. We bottle up inside ourselves all the pressure we're under and some can't cope with it or funnel it out in a safe manner.

Chimes...Your bell went off late because you kept reaching over and hitting the snooze alarm...

Jenn

[NickyNOVA]

I knew that i am a women as fare as i can remember in my childhood years.
Family didn´t supported me,neither people who knew me.
Than you suppress your emotions and you become what others want-not what you truly want to be!
I waited till my 33.
I think Diane´s story ll give you many answers to your questions,her story helped me a lot.
Nicky

TRANSGENDER / SEXUAL UNDERSTANDING WHAT IT IS
link http://www.drdouglasousterhout.com/transgender.htm
I want to clarify that although we get a label that is transgender or Transsexual, that's all it is, a label, we are women, it's a simple fact, we have trauma to sort out our bodies and some are more lucky with appearance than others, but we are women. Some people have the trauma of having a very masculine body, 6ft tall and 180lbs in weight, but their mind is still female.

There is a very sad, but high suicide rate, my aim is to try to help and to educate people about why we are who we are. There is a lot of information on the internet that is cross referenced by many web sites, this page is no different. It is here to help you find information to help you. By using this page you will understand more about yourself if you think you have a gender problem and what is happening to you.

WHY US

A simple statement, gender is in the brain, thats it, all I know is your know who you are, so do I, what is the difference if the brain is the gender, not sure, I guess you know how you should look, behave and feel, I still can't say I understand about me, so how can we educate people to understand when it is so difficult even for ourselves. Yet my aim is to do just that, to help us to help ourselves, to tell our stories and at least give people a better understanding of who we are, myself and personal story, I am a women, there is no doubt about my sexuality, I had a very traumatic teenage life, but I know who I am inside of me. The outside has been the battle, to make sure that what I see in the mirror is what I see inside my heart. You will have no idea of how gender can play with your mind if you are born correctly, but it is one of our most basic instincts in our survival, it is a compulsion to be ourselves.

TEENAGERS

If only I was a teenager again and had the knowledge I have now, I would have changed my gender then, I would not have worried so much about what other people think about me, I did know I was a women as young as three years old, (I am Diane from the previous pages here). I had parents that would not understand, but the idea of these sites is to help parents and other people to understand. As a child you do know that you are female, your body was born male, but the brain is female and even now there is little you can do to find out this as a fact. If you have a female brain and a male body, you just know that your female, you hate the way you look to start with and feel a disgust at your male body, I used to admire women with amazing figures and wish I looked like that. We all have different ways of identifying it, understanding it, and then making a decision to do something about it.

PARENTS

Dear parents, your child is not a freak because they know they are female, listen to them, my parents have only just started to understand now, and they are in their 60's. They did not listen to me and made my life horrid, they were sarcastic and intolerant, my life would have been so different with their help. Sit and talk with them, take them to the proper councilors and doctors that can help them, they need you, they really do. They will be very lonely, probably suicidal and even hating themselves because they do not understand what is going on. Trust me, we don't actually understand anymore than you do why we feel the way we do, we are just women with the wrong body, if we had a cancer growth you would remove it, that's all a penis is to us, its a cancerous growth that needs to be removed as part of the process of living a normal life.

SUICIDE

Suicidal feelings are generally quite strong in the gendered women, as with all people in society its not always the case. The confusion of being in the wrong body can be devasting, fears of people and prejudice are also probable in your mind. I have lived my life now as a normal women in society for 15 years, I still get days and these are quite often where I think people are talking about or staring at me. The truth is they probably are staring, but my reasons for what I am thinking and what they think is probably very different. I do get told I am attractive, but the feelings are still inside of me that I am different. I have had many times in my life where suicide had been a strong thought, it does still come and go because we do have complex lives.

Up until this operation to change my face, I didn´t want to go on, the feelings were intense inside and we do have days when they become overpowering and we lose the strength to fight, but we have to go on or there was no point in starting our fight to be normal. Even though I have had the gift of being seen as attractive, it is no less painful, I am still insecure, still feel like the odd one out in society, but we are no more odd one out than the larger person in our society, or the black person in the white society, we all have to deal with society and it´s veiws. What ever reason we have to justify thoughts of suicide, we have to fight to continue and to work to desolve prejudice on all aspects of life.

I have had 3 attempts at suicide, my desire to survive was higher than the desire to die, I didn´t want it enough, take people out of our society and just be yourself, would you then want to die, if you still do, then it is not the gender that is the problem, if we could have a prejudice free society, I would be the happiest women alive. Today there are many places to get information on gender, so look hard to find the correct help, it is there, usually on the internet, the high street doctors are not that up on gender, or didn´t seem to be able to give me that much advice.

If you are reading this and contemplating suicide, then it´s not a place to be, I have been where you are, tears rolling down my face, tablets in my hand, and the room pulsing as my heart starts to slow down as I was drunk and dying at the time, I had taken the tablets. I managed to get a perspective by thinking about my children and clinging onto the fact the they would need me at some point in their lives, I did manage to pick up the phone and call a friend, they advised me to vomit and get the tablets out of my system, which is what I did, they called a doctor and lucky for me I managed to recover. I had 2 weeks where my heart was slowing and speeding up, but it leveled of and I am here today.

Happiness and laughter make things feel better, join any type of friendship group of people, whether it be a church, sports centre, womens institute, what ever surround yourself with nice people, I play keyboards and I have joined in a jamming session, I play every week, I have a passion for music, so I use it as my outlet to make me feel better when I am having a blue moment. I have a fantastic circle of friends, I have entrusted them with my feelings, they are my councilors, they keep me strong when it is tough, get that network in place for yourself. Getting a network of friends is something you have to work at, but make it happen, go out, they don´t come to you. The picture below does reflect how I feel now, the words are apt to me, love life, I never thought I would, but I do have so much laughter now.

Never take tablets like paracetamal, if you survive the attempt, they can give you liver damage that is not recoverable from, this in turn can give you a slow painful death, sometimes many years. GET HELP, talk to anyone, your friends will always love you, pick up the phone, how would you feel if a best friend just quite? you would have wished they had called you, they will come to you in the moment if things are that bad. Before you take anything, please go and get some sleep, if you have been drinking sober up, these two things alone may be aiding your feelings, all 3 of my attempts were alcohol related, I only drink in company now and very moderate, it changes my perspective, so long as I am sober then I can keep my feelings under control.

MAN AND PREJUDICE

My father was a very macho man, I am aware that their are men out there that think we are strange and weird people. Please understand that as masculine as you are, we are feminine, we did not asked to have a brain that was the incorrect gender, you are very masculine to enjoy your body, we are very feminine and want the same freedom as yourselves. We do not try to hurt people, we are not molesters of any kind, we are simply women that need an operation to correct our bodies.

WHAT DO WE HAVE TO DO TO CHANGE IT

When we go through changing our bodies after teens we have to do a lot of things.

We have to go through electrolysis, this is to remove any traces of facial hair
HRT (HORMONE REPLACEMENT THERAPY) hormones will have to be taken for life to balance the body
Our voices can only be changed really by speech therapy, once the voice has broken it has broken, its very difficult to operate on
GRS, (GENDER REASIGEMENT SURGERY) surgery to correct the male organ to female, this creates a vagina
FFS, (FACIAL FEMINISATION SURGERY) correction of facial features that need to be feminized for a more easy life
Breast enhancement, not all people have to have breast enhancement, some breasts develop after hormones are started to correct the body imbalance
Some people have to have a tracheal shave, that means to remove the adams apple
The above can be very costly and take many years to achieve, you need to plan to do this, you cannot just decide that you will change on a whim. You will have to let your nearest and closest friends know in advance, family can be difficult but not always.

[Deborah Jane]

Even though you knew you were on the right road, did you find the whole idea of possible transitioning scarey?

Thanks Debs :)

[Shikyo]

Even though you knew you were on the right road, did you find the whole idea of possible transitioning scarey?

Thanks Debs :)

Simple answer: Yes.

Complicated answer: Even though deep in my mind I know that I'm right about my decision to transition there are times a fear comes into my mind. Not because I'm afraid of doing a mistake but more so what am I'm doing to everyone around me. How my choice has effected their lives. My transition has an effect on the lives of many not just me. It is the closest to me but there are other issues that surround the matter. My wife, who I love from my whole heart. What I'm doing to her is what scares me. Because of my choice and desire I'm rubbing her the husband she once married.

The biggest fear I have because of my transition is that I'm afraid of losing my wife, afraid of not being able to give her what she desires.

[Joan Merrie]

Even though you knew you were on the right road, did you find the whole idea of possible transitioning scarey?

Thanks Debs :)
Yes, and still do. The most scarey thing is what I'm doing to my family and friends. The say that there ok, but it's hard on them. After all I've been dealing with this for 32 years, they have been dealing with it since last May.:hugs::love:

[GypsyKaren]

Even though you knew you were on the right road, did you find the whole idea of possible transitioning scarey?

Thanks Debs :)

Scariest thing I've ever done in my life, even as sure as I was about having to do it, but you find ways to deal with it.

Karen :g1:

[SirTrey]

Okay....this question was asked of us by an MtF, so I will ask it the other way....When you think of FtM's, do you find it hard to imagine why we need/want to be men? Yes, we all understand transsexuality, but, beyond that, do you ever sit back and think, wow, why would anyone want to be a man? Or, they have everything I want, why would they want to change it? (Not a comment, but glad you ladies are doing a Q&A, too). :hugs::love:

[joanlynn28]

#1 there was no going back and forth, once I made the switch to full time female mode I knew that I was where I should have been my whole life in the first place.

#2 Alcohol has nothing to do with male or female thinking, yes I was drinking quite a bit early on in transition but there was a lot happening during that period. Loss of family, home, spouse. Since being post-op I hardly have a drink at all, maybe one a week if that.

#3 I feel that the Standards of Care are fine the way they are. The SOC exists for a reason to segregate the ones that are not ready for transition from those that are ready to. Once you go through transition there is no going back to what once was. The SOC are there to protect those that are not proper candidates for SRS.

#4 Reason I transition so late in life, like everyone else in similar situation scared, fear of losing everything, what if I wasn't really transsexual took time and life to finally realizing that I was.

#5 If only I found the resources that are available now a lot sooner I would have seeked help and started a lot sooner than I did.

And to answer Deborah Jane's question for me to not transition was what was scarey for me.

[MJ]

Even though you knew you were on the right road, did you find the whole idea of possible transitioning scarey?

Thanks Debs :)

My god yes. i had no idea how my family or friends or work mates would react. but this is who i am. i had no choice

[Shikyo]

Okay....this question was asked of us by an MtF, so I will ask it the other way....When you think of FtM's, do you find it hard to imagine why we need/want to be men? Yes, we all understand transsexuality, but, beyond that, do you ever sit back and think, wow, why would anyone want to be a man? Or, they have everything I want, why would they want to change it? (Not a comment, but glad you ladies are doing a Q&A, too). :hugs::love:

To be honest, I did have hard time to understand that. I think it's because of my own hatred for my male body makes it harder for me to understand why would someone desire to be male. Now, especially after getting to know few FTM better, I've changed my mind totally. I realized that I was concentrating too much on my own mind and feelings about being male. After all this thinking I've come to the conclusion that I do understand your desire to be male. In the end it's the exact same thing as it is going on with myself and that I was only blinded by my own hatred and desires of wanting to be born with a female body. However, my eyes have been opened.

[GypsyKaren]

When you think of FtM's, do you find it hard to imagine why we need/want to be men?
Not at all, I understand your need as much as mine.


Yes, we all understand transsexuality, but, beyond that, do you ever sit back and think, wow, why would anyone want to be a man? Or, they have everything I want, why would they want to change it?

I've always seen you guys as men because that's who and what you are, and when it comes down to it, we both want the same thing, to be our true selves.

Karen

[Sharon]

How do you get your brain hard wired, so no switching back an forth?

It was always "wired." I simply had to come to accept myself, which is much easier said than done.


Is it true that alcohol helps you stay male (in the brain)?

No.


What can we do to change the Standards of Care to fit the changing times?

More than anything (IMO) we need more educators willing to explain gender and sexuality differences in sex-ed courses.


Why is the suicide rate for the T community so horrablely high?

For the expected reason: Fear. This includes loss of family and friends, loss of income, loss of social standing, loss of learned identity, loss of blending into the background in public places, and on and on.


Why did my bell go off so late in life?

I haven't a clue. Why did I try to hide and disguise myself for a few decades even as I knew what I was?


Even though you knew you were on the right road, did you find the whole idea of possible transitioning scary?


I was the all-time champion of being scared. I knew I had no choice but to proceed, however. So, step by aginozing step, I eventually became completely comfortable with myself in any situation. Believe me, if I can do it anyone can.


... do you ever sit back and think, wow, why would anyone want to be a man?

No, I would expect it to be reciprocal, just as some people prefer male partners more than female and vice versa.

[Sara82]

did any of you MtF's ever have doubts about whether or not you truely are a transexual?

If so how did you deal with those doubts, and what made you finally come to the realization? Was therapy the only way to reach that answer?

thanks!

[MJ]

did any of you MtF's ever have doubts about whether or not you truely are a transexual?

If so how did you deal with those doubts, and what made you finally come to the realization? Was therapy the only way to reach that answer?

thanks!

yes and no ..

i have always know i should have been a girl. but at first i had doubts i could transition. like the how to dress , pass etc
for me it was time the longer i left it the worse i became. till one day i just had to tell my doctor after that i was on my way. i did go to therapy it did help a bit .

i tend to think of this site as the best therapy

[kellycan27]

Even though you knew you were on the right road, did you find the whole idea of possible transitioning scarey?

Thanks Debs :)

Yes it was scary,but not nearly as scary as the alternative.... Living a lie.Living as someone who I wasn't, or one that I could never function as.
Kelly

[Veronica_Jean]

did any of you MtF's ever have doubts about whether or not you truely are a transexual?

If so how did you deal with those doubts, and what made you finally come to the realization? Was therapy the only way to reach that answer?

thanks!

I had doubts for many many years. I would go back and forth as my apparent need to dress as a woman would seem to come and go. What I found was depending on the immediate need to focus on other things (like getting income and putting food on the table) I could focus on those instead of my own needs. When things were calm I would immediately go toward the female side. Eventually I realized this was my biggest fear come true... I was a woman and just didn't want to admit it.

Therapy for me came in different forms. I was part of a local CD/TS group for a long time and had a chance to see the differences and measure where I fit. I have used therapy as a way to confirm what I believe I konw rather than figure it out. I spent 40 years figuring it out, now I simply neeed to get on with it and therapy is how I am doing that.

[Sammy777]

1)How do you get your brain hard wired, so no switching back an forth?

2)Is it true that alcohol helps you stay male (in the brain)?

3)Why did my bell go off so late in life?

1) It came from the factory like that. :D
I never had a his n her sides, it was just varying degrees of me.

2) uuu No. I guess enough of it can keep you from minding that you are/were one for a little while.

3)OK, so it didn't happen at 12 [for either of us]. Just be glad it did now and not another 20yrs down the road. No use crying over spilled milk.


Even though you knew you were on the right road, did you find the whole idea of possible transitioning scarey?

I will put it this way:
If someone was to put a gun to my head tomorrow...
I'd probably laugh, turn to them and say: "Yawn..... Is that all ya got?" :lol2:


When you think of FtM's, do you find it hard to imagine why we need/want to be men?

No, Not at all.
You just so happen to have/had something we want, just like we have/had someone you want.

Now if somebody out there could just perfect brain transplants already!
We never got our flying cars, at least you can give us that..

Besides, F2M's prove M2F's aren't alone in all this and that we aren't just a bunch of sex crazed guys running around wanting to be women just to have sex with ourselves, lol.

But seriously, I think of you as men the same way you think of us as women, not matter what stage of achieving that any of us might be in at any given time.



1)did any of you MtF's ever have doubts about whether or not you truely are a transexual?

2)If so how did you deal with those doubts, and what made you finally come to the realization?

3) Was therapy the only way to reach that answer?

1)Sure. But I got through it.
2)I worked through them, with the help of a good friend.
3)For me, no. Unless my friend is a therapist and never told me. :D

[GypsyKaren]

did any of you MtF's ever have doubts about whether or not you truely are a transexual?



Never.

Karen

[Joan Merrie]

did any of you MtF's ever have doubts about whether or not you truely are a transexual?

If so how did you deal with those doubts, and what made you finally come to the realization? Was therapy the only way to reach that answer?

thanks!
?1 yes and no, I knew I was different. I just didn't know what it was till the Internet came along.
?2 I dealt with the doubts by, trying to be the mans man, but, I just didn't fit in that category. Was never good at any sports, I don't realy know how to talk to guys.
?3 It finally came down to to suicide, or just be my self. It was a little of that and the info on this site, and therapy. :hugs::love:

[Joan Merrie]

Okay....this question was asked of us by an MtF, so I will ask it the other way....When you think of FtM's, do you find it hard to imagine why we need/want to be men? Yes, we all understand transsexuality, but, beyond that, do you ever sit back and think, wow, why would anyone want to be a man? Or, they have everything I want, why would they want to change it? (Not a comment, but glad you ladies are doing a Q&A, too). :hugs::love:
Yes I used to. But like Kitty, now that I've gotten to know Y'all, I understand.:hugs::love:

[MJ]

When you think of FtM's, do you find it hard to imagine why we need/want to be men? Yes, we all understand transsexuality, but, beyond that, do you ever sit back and think, wow, why would anyone want to be a man? Or, they have everything I want, why would they want to change it? (Not a comment, but glad you ladies are doing a Q&A, too). :hugs::love:


put it another way why would anyone so pretty and cute want to be a man then yes.... But i do understand the needs of f to m

[Sandra]

Do you get mood swings? and if so how do you cope with them?

What advice would you give to an SO also coping with mood swings.

[GypsyKaren]

I get them because of my bipolar and they can be pretty severe, and Kat will get in my face if she has to, but sometimes it just takes a hug or a moo.

Karen

[Shikyo]

Do you get mood swings? and if so how do you cope with them?

Yes, I do get mood swings. In the beginning when I first started taking hormones it was little confusing how my mood could suddenly change 180 degrees within few seconds. Now I'm more familiar with the feeling of my moods changing. This allows me to control my mood a lot better but not 100%. There are still times when it just comes out and I can't do anything about it and I'll always end up regretting it afterward.


What advice would you give to an SO also coping with mood swings.

What I'd recommend to do is to learn to recognize the moods swings or when they're about to happen and act accordingly. It might also help if the person having the mood swings actually mentions them so that one could be prepared for them. This should help with getting used to the mood swings for both of you.

[Sharon]

Do you get mood swings? and if so how do you cope with them?

Heck, I have always had wild mood swings, but much less so since transitioning. But they're still there, still lurking and ready to strike at any time as I deal with innate depression. Only now I see them coming and hand out hardhats to those in the vicinity.:)


What advice would you give to an SO also coping with mood swings.

Be honest with yourselves (both SOs) and recognize them as they begin so you can do what it takes to control them or end them as quickly as possible.

[Patricia1]

I really love this thread. Thank you all so much for thoughts & feelings. Keep it going!

[Joan Merrie]

Do you get mood swings? and if so how do you cope with them?

What advice would you give to an SO also coping with mood swings.
Mood swings, Yes they're not as bad as before. My wife and daughter tells me to just get over it.
Coping, talk, talk, talk, and talk somemore.:hugs::love:

[MJ]

mood swings i tend to cry a lot. it seems to help as i feel so good after wards

[4serrus]

Are any of you into dudes? It seems like 99% of the 'dealing with so' type posts here are about wives/female partners. For those who are into dudes (there has to be some!), dp you feel outnumbered here?

[Sharon]

Are any of you into dudes? It seems like 99% of the 'dealing with so' type posts here are about wives/female partners. For those who are into dudes (there has to be some!), dp you feel outnumbered here?

Nope, I don't feel outnumbered at all, though I prefer men to "dudes." :)

[MJ]

Are any of you into dudes? It seems like 99% of the 'dealing with so' type posts here are about wives/female partners. For those who are into dudes (there has to be some!), dp you feel outnumbered here?

I like men and woman. but right now men are not on top of my list until i heal anyways then gentlemen start your engines :D

[Heatherx75]

Are any of you into dudes? It seems like 99% of the 'dealing with so' type posts here are about wives/female partners. For those who are into dudes (there has to be some!), dp you feel outnumbered here?

Oh, I know we're not outnumbered. I think the reason that there are so many posts like that is because it's such a thorny issue. I don't have that issue so I can't really speak to it. Then again, dating guys can be a thorny issue too, if you're not into chasers. I suppose it's because we like to keep that serious girl talk on closed channels. :heehee:

[Deborah Jane]

Did you at any point think "I can't go on with this"?

What did you do to keep yourself going to the point you've now reached?

[Shikyo]

Are any of you into dudes? It seems like 99% of the 'dealing with so' type posts here are about wives/female partners. For those who are into dudes (there has to be some!), dp you feel outnumbered here?

To me sex of my partner doesn't really matter. Not anymore, anyway. Before I got this whole thing going on I was only attracted towards girls but now I'm attracted towards both sexes. However, I'm already married so it doesn't really matter.


Did you at any point think "I can't go on with this"?

After I had accepted myself and started to transition there wasn't a time when I thought I couldn't do it.


What did you do to keep yourself going to the point you've now reached?

I keep waking up each day living my life the way I want to live it as a girl.

[GypsyKaren]

Did you at any point think "I can't go on with this"?

What did you do to keep yourself going to the point you've now reached?

Never, I knew it was something I had to do, you just take it one day at a time and keep going.

Karen :g1:

[Joan Merrie]

Are any of you into dudes? It seems like 99% of the 'dealing with so' type posts here are about wives/female partners. For those who are into dudes (there has to be some!), dp you feel outnumbered here?
It's not out of the realm of possibility. If something was to happen with me and Tammy, then yea. But not now. We do window shop.:D :hugs::love:

[Joan Merrie]

Did you at any point think "I can't go on with this"?

What did you do to keep yourself going to the point you've now reached?
Yes. My wife, she is my rock, she saw I was about to self destruct. She said do what you have to do.:hugs::love:

[Sharon]

Did you at any point think "I can't go on with this"?

No, once I made my decision to jump off the proverbial cliff, there was no turning back for me. :)


What did you do to keep yourself going to the point you've now reached?

If I turned back, my fear was that I would never regain the fortitude to move forward again. There are so many obstacles and so many naysayers out there that we inevitably encounter negativity that causes us to catch our breath and either give in to it and be miserable or stick our chins out and tell ourselves "I have the need and the right to be who I am, dammit."

It's not an easy life every now and then (mostly then than now), but it's the only life I have.

[MJ]

Did you at any point think "I can't go on with this"?

What did you do to keep yourself going to the point you've now reached?

i had my doubts. but i chose to sort them out as i travel down my path. the good news was there was no major issues.

don't get me wrong the only problem was me i wanted it all and i wanted it now. the hormones ain't working fast enough, I'm too fat, why can't i look pretty, this makeup stuff is too hard that kinda stuff. after i accepted myself life got better. dam the torpedo's full steam ahead. just do it

[joanlynn28]

Did you at any point think "I can't go on with this"?

What did you do to keep yourself going to the point you've now reached?
I put myself in a position where I just had to go forward dispite what obsticles were in the way. It has been a steady progressive journey but for all I have had to endure it's been more than worth it.

[lisa marseau]

I was on "The Coctail" back in the late '80's. The shots in the butt hurt like hell and the constant blood draws were not much fun either. I was only on the mixture for only 2 yr. Life got in the way and had to go off of it when Dad had a very serious injery (sp). I had to be "The Man" and just as my outside was becoming like my inside. That was a long time ago and I know a lot has changed. I have been reading a lot lately. Patches sound great to me. I have a appointment with an endocrinoligest (sp again) on Tues 29. I feel the time is right for me now and not to mention time is also running out. I also know that any outcome at all at least phisicaly would be a plus. What I think and what my question is... Should a person at my age (45) just go for the T-blockers and not push so much for the estrol? I will ask doc also but would like thoughts from others. I think estrol will not be that effective at my age. Am I wrong?

[Joan Merrie]

I think the E will do it's thing. But like you said, ask your endo.:hugs::love:

[GypsyKaren]

I didn't start taking estrogen until I was 54 and it's done a lot for me, so I wouldn't worry about the age thing.

Karen

[carrie-ann]

I hated going back and forth. It was the worst thing for me. I had to get over the fear of what every one thinks of me and the fear of losing my famaly,freinds and job. I do the best job I can of keeping it simple. When some one laughs or makes a snear I just smile and go on.

I've never heard about about alcohol makin you one thing or another.

#3 supporting the transgenderd community. Quite tring to cure us.

#4 I have worked as a counseler and have been there myself. There was no help when I was young. I was told I was diffrerant thats all I got. Theres a lot more help now days, but it's still hard. People make jokes, laugh, comments. Learning to acept or how to deal with them is hard. The possibalty of loseing freinds,famaly,job is another reason. Being caught in between as a transgenerd also. There is a lot to work through. But with all that said there is wonderful sites like this one and so many others. It's a start

#5 every one is differant some come out early some come out late some never come out. Being scared being ashamed this will go away thing.

Debrah yes it is still scary but not near as much. I have so many that support me in the last six weeks that I have went full time. I go to the gym and go into the male dressing room as a female and change I get the looks but no one has ever said any things bad to me yet. As I get better with my dress and make-up I get called mam more often. The stores have realy gotton to know me and they have been very helpfull.

[joanlynn28]

Lisa don't let your age be a factor, your endocriniologist will know what is best for you. I started HRT at the same age that you are, I'm 48 now and have been on HRT for three years, the hormones will still do a lot for you at your age so don't worry about it and best of luck to you at your appointment.

[Karen564]

Okay....this question was asked of us by an MtF, so I will ask it the other way....When you think of FtM's, do you find it hard to imagine why we need/want to be men? :hugs::love:

Not hard to imagine at all,

I've always understood it & felt bad for the FTM's too!!!!..
I know how painful it is emotionally to be born with the wrong body parts, and figured it was exactly the same for you guy's.

It's the same feelings & needs, but just going in different directions..

:hugs:

[Karen564]

Did you at any point think "I can't go on with this"?

Go on with what??,
You mean to stop transitioning & go back to living a lie as a man,?? No Way!!!, I knew once I started this, there would be no turning back..

It was very tough for me to suck it up & tell the family of my intentions to transition, but had reached the point where I had to, and it was a shock to them because all they ever saw was a tough guy, mans man before, & had to tell them what they saw was just a lie & a disguise hiding my true identity inside.. so that was the toughest thing I've ever had to do, but what a huge weight off my chest after I did it!!!, the rest has been fairly easy ever since then..but there's always going to be bumps in the road now & then..


What did you do to keep yourself going to the point you've now reached?
I guess faith in what I will be, and setting goals...

I knew from the start nothing was going to change overnight, and it has been a very long process, money has been ever so tight, so slowly BUT surely, I will be complete someday & hope this will all be a distant memory..But will never forget where I came from or this journey to reach my goals..

:hugs:

[~Kelly~]

How do you get your brain hard wired, so no switching back an forth?
I am honestly not sure how to answer this question because I am not sure if I understand the question as it is written. You can't "get" your brain hard-wired. Your brain IS hard wired. You can train yourself to drop certain defenses or form new habits, but you can never change who you are. This is the very issue that many of us struggle with. For those of us hard wired as female, no matter how much we deny that through our lives or try to live otherwise, does not in any way change who we are.


Is it true that alcohol helps you stay male (in the brain)?
I have never heard this.


What can we do to change the Standards of Care to fit the changing times?
Changing times or not, the Standards of Care are there for a reason. They protect us all. Whether it protects each of us individually or not, it protects the integrity of a vital transitional step for many of us. Without the Standards of Care and the fairly strict guidelines they maintain, there would be a far greater incidence of impulsive decisions and later regrets by those who would not have made it to that point through the SOC. There are enough obstacles on our path as it is. Do we really need higher "regret" statistics for the naysayers to throw our way with an argument of "how can you be so sure? I know so-so who had the surgery done and regrets it now and wants to change back" This is of course not the ONLY reason why I feel the SOC are still valid. However, I think it is shortsighted to say that we should do away with them for the convenience of the few who would benefit from less regulation.


Why is the suicide rate for the T community so horrablely high?
I, of course, can't answer for the ENTIRE T community on this question because this is a VERY complicated issue. However, the answer I would give is "FEAR". In regards to the T community, ostracism is a fairly common and real concern. Many feel their gender issues building up inside to the point where they are about to explode. But when the fear takes hold, it keeps these issues bottled up. Many look at life as an "either/or" issue. They see things as black and white......no grey at all. This can cause serious issues when dealing with transsexuality. Imagine this scenario in the head of a questioning transsexual. "I know I feel like a woman. I think like a woman. In fact, I KNOW that inside, I AM a woman. However, look at this body......years and years of testosterone masculinization. Countless abuses thrown its way in an effort to "prove my manhood" Even with hormones and surgeries, I will never fully "pass" in a world that can be less than hospitable to those who are considered "different". Yet, I can't keep living as a male anymore.....it's a lie. Therefore, maybe I should take door number 3.....suicide.....end it all." I am not in ANY way trying to justify this course of action. Just illustrating the thought processes involved in reaching that conclusion. The problem with the thought processes there are that they are ENTIRELY for others benefit. Once you make the major step of becoming self aware and make decisions based on what is best for YOU and NOT what society deems as "acceptable" or what won't challenge the thoughts and attitudes of loved ones. Many who commit suicide over gender issues, undoubtedly (at least in my mind) are doing it for the sake of others. Not in the same sense as jumping in front of a bullet for someone, but rather to not challenge their thinking with a fear of the worst possible outcome. And yes, much is to not have to deal with that outcome yourself, but part is to not force that outcome to occur in the first place from someone you love.


Why did my bell go off so late in life?
How late did it really go off? And how much of that time was spent ignoring it? Everybody has a different timetable for their life. Some are better than others at "coping" while some may be more sensitive to their disphoria. There is no set answer to this just as there is no set answer to why one woman wants to have children at 18 while another waits until she is 35 before she is ready.


Even though you knew you were on the right road, did you find the whole idea of possible transitioning scary?
Absolutely! I was totally scared out of my mind! When I first started seeing my therapist, I was trying to find an alternative to transitioning. Up until that point nothing had worked and I was desperate to find SOMETHING that could keep me from having to transition. Once it was totally obvious what I had to do, there was no point in fighting any more. I jumped in headfirst with an almost enthusiasm. It just took me exhausting all my other options before being able to make that one "scary" decision.


When you think of FtM's, do you find it hard to imagine why we need/want to be men? Yes, we all understand transsexuality, but, beyond that, do you ever sit back and think, wow, why would anyone want to be a man? Or, they have everything I want, why would they want to change it?
I don't find it hard to imagine at all. I know the depth of my feelings and totally can empathize with my brothers on the other side of the spectrum. Having had these feelings my whole life it makes me able to very easily see someone for who they truly are and not all the "physical stuff" And while the physical is nice to have, it is NOT who you are. It's the inside that matters. I think we have some of the best guys on the planet right here (well, not RIGHT here......maybe a couple sections over :p)


did any of you MtF's ever have doubts about whether or not you truely are a transexual?

If so how did you deal with those doubts, and what made you finally come to the realization? Was therapy the only way to reach that answer?
Therapy does help SIGNIFICANTLY but only if you truly want the answer. If you go into it with your preconceived answer to your "question" then it will do nothing for you at all. However, if you use it as it is designed, then it will open up new worlds that you never knew existed.

As to whether or not I have ever had doubts, yes and no. The only doubts I have had are in relation to vocabulary. There are so many terms being thrown around trying to pin a specific description to every single person and then lump them into a common category. This can be VERY confusing to someone who knows the issues going on in the head yet not being able to verbalize it. Getting the right term to label yourself can be tricky. Especially when new to "community"


Do you get mood swings? and if so how do you cope with them?

What advice would you give to an SO also coping with mood swings.
I am like the giant Pirate Ship of mood swings. I get them quite frequently. As for coping, the only advice I can give is as the bumper sticker says "sit down shut up and hold on" It is definitely a ride.


Are any of you into dudes? It seems like 99% of the 'dealing with so' type posts here are about wives/female partners. For those who are into dudes (there has to be some!), dp you feel outnumbered here?
I am into "dudes" and no I don't feel outnumbered at all. The only reason female partners seem so prevalent is there are more issues brought up due to the complexity of the situation. Most TS individuals who are already in a relationship with a male are either already fully "out" or that has been discussed prior. Having an openly "gay" relationship (which is how it would be seen prior to transition) would be close to par with just coming fully out as TS. Therefore I think few would take the step to risk the ostracism of being openly gay but be fearful of being fully honest and coming out as TS. In many relationships involving women, though, the wife or SO considers herself straight. To then change the rules on her to where she is now in love with another woman, is where the issues come in. And no, I am not saying that it is the SO who has the problem here......just that it makes for a highly complex situation.


Did you at any point think "I can't go on with this"?

What did you do to keep yourself going to the point you've now reached?
Of course I have felt like I can't go on. Especially when faced with my current family situation (they are very UNaccepting) However, these thoughts are fleeting and not quite the same as what you describe. It is not a matter of "can I go on with this?". Instead, the question has been, "can I go back to living that lie?" There have been times that I have seriously considered it for the sake of making my family happy, but when facing that life again, I would rather die now. In the past, I had dreams of how life COULD be and what happiness COULD feel like, but I never experienced them first hand. Now that I know what I was missing out on, I could NEVER go back to that old life ever again.


Should a person at my age (45) just go for the T-blockers and not push so much for the estrol? I will ask doc also but would like thoughts from others. I think estrol will not be that effective at my age. Am I wrong?
This is one of those questions that I will always pass off to the professionals. I went to college for 1 year before dropping out due to lack of direction......they went for the better part of a decade and know what they are talking about. Talk to the doctor.

[Michelle_Sullivan]

Even though you knew you were on the right road, did you find the whole idea of possible transitioning scarey?

No... I could finally be me, no more hiding, no more false bravado. The only thing I found scary was telling my (now ex) wife.


Do you get mood swings? and if so how do you cope with them?

What advice would you give to an SO also coping with mood swings.

When I started HRT, and when the levels were adjusted.

To help.. I take a prognova with each meal rather than all in the morning as the doc suggested would be ok.

I also take the spiro in the morning (first thing I do when I get up).

I mostly put the sachet of sandrena on last thing at night ... however if I have had a late one and get up late the following day I'll put one on directly after the shower as the absorption is quick and can make me feel a lot more 'alert'

Progesterone I used to take at night, I now take in the morning with the spiro. Keeping the medications regular and at regular intervals seems to be the answer for me.


Did you at any point think "I can't go on with this"?

What did you do to keep yourself going to the point you've now reached?

Can't go on with what...? Life...? My life is that of a woman, that's not going to change ever.

What did I do to keep going...? I lived my life... I guess I don't understand that question.. maybe it would be more better targetted at a CD that has decided to be CD in public all the time... rather than a TS who is transitioning (I am a firm believer we will never stop transitioning, we may get to a state where we feel we need no more, but life is a journey that stops with death. When you start to transition you are re-born... the journey restarts, and continues until your death.)

[JennyTG24]

Hiya, for the last 3 - 4 weeks i have been feeling so down, i keep waking up in the mornings about 2-3 oclock in cold sweats and in tears. i cant cope on my own anymore, I have been to my GP and i told him about myself and the way i feel. he assest me as having mental problems and he sent me to a phycologist. and the phycologist sent me to the transgendered clinic in londen. unforgently the dept i am in is taking over all my spare money and i couldnt afford to keep going to londen, I told my employer about myself so i could have the time of to go to londen but as soon as i told him he sacked me, and gave a silly reason why but i knew what it was for. since then i work as male because i cant risk loosing this job i have got now. i do live full time though when im at home. but im still living a seprate life and this hurts.. I have been searching all week for a transgender theropist in birmingham but i cant seem to find one.. Im just finding it so hard to cope with my feelings and the way i am looked upon within sociaty, my self comfidence is so low. i just feel that im falling deeper into a hole and no mater what i do i cant get out of it..

If anyone knows a nhs theropist in the birmingham UK area. please let me know, Thank you for taking the time to read this. im sorry i seem so depressive. :sad:

[Jessinthesprings]

Hiya, for the last 3 - 4 weeks i have been feeling so down,

toss an idea out there for you. Perhaps getting "sacked" is a good thing. It is an opportunity for you to change your life. While living in london may not be what it's all cracked up to be there are jobs there and you would be close to medical personelle and support groups. I think at this time you need support from a therepist and fellow trans people more than anything. While I don't know what kind of work you do you may actually find an employer who does not care what you look like and only cares about how well you can bring money into the company. which if you look at it that way why would anyone get fired for being trans?

btw not sure if this is the right place for this question to have been posted.

[stefanie]

over each decade I seem to be getting more and more girly. From clothes to personality to more androgynous to even dating men and well, behind clothes door stuff. I think of myself now as bi but have become more and more comfortable in my femme mode which was not always the case some time back. I 'fear' i might be moving closer to being a ts...i certainly think about it more today than i did when i 'just' dressed. Did any of you have a similar journey? how many of you went Full time vs. staying in the 50/50 convertible mode?

Admittedly, i am scared because my inner self says if i were ever to move further down this path, my life as with you all would change dramatically (financial, friends, etc.)....gives me the heebie jeebies just thinking about that...yikes.

[Joan Merrie]

over each decade I seem to be getting more and more girly. From clothes to personality to more androgynous to even dating men and well, behind clothes door stuff. I think of myself now as bi but have become more and more comfortable in my femme mode which was not always the case some time back. I 'fear' i might be moving closer to being a ts...i certainly think about it more today than i did when i 'just' dressed. Did any of you have a similar journey? how many of you went Full time vs. staying in the 50/50 convertible mode?

Admittedly, i am scared because my inner self says if i were ever to move further down this path, my life as with you all would change dramatically (financial, friends, etc.)....gives me the heebie jeebies just thinking about that...yikes.
Yes it's a scary journey, but if you are truly TS,( I don't mean that to sound like elitism.) It's a journey you have to take. Please get with a therapist, experienced with gender issues.:hugs::love:

[stefanie]

thank you for the advice.

I did in fact see a counselor/Psych for about a year. It was a great experience. Learned quite a bit about myself. Seemed as if the counselor was trying to convince me that i was as oppose to me coming and saying it.

maybe its social norms that prevent me from admitting it. not sure. I feel happy in both lives but certainly have progressed to the other side much more than i would have ever expected as i think through each decade of my life.

i know that when i am dressed, i feel amazingly comfortable. Love to interact with whoever when ever. those that i have met say they would have to take a close look to tell otherwise. I feel a total body, mental and emotional shift.... Admittedly, i have sexual thoughts and exploits that i never have when i am in drab.

well, rather than a long story...i do appreciate your feedback. the man inside me probably just doesn't want to go to the doctor to potentially find out the truth....

[MJ]

How do you get your brain hard wired, so no switching back an forth?

when i got my diagnosis i just went full time my gf helped by removing all my male cloths so after that i had no choice


Is it true that alcohol helps you stay male (in the brain)?

never heard of that. but alcohol will impeded the estrogen


What can we do to change the Standards of Care to fit the changing times?

there fine just the way they are


Why is the suicide rate for the T community so horrablely high?

for some of us we lose everything friends family work, now with no were to go no money to support ourselves or to get the hormones no where to live but the streets add fear the unknown we are scared little girls with no future no hope many Dreams but no way to get them what would you do ???


Why did my bell go off so late in life?

i started at 44 is that late ?

[Riley_The_Riot]

1. How do you get your brain hard wired, so no switching back an forth?

By definition, to be "Hard wired" means to be set in one way, fundamentally so. Therefore, one cannot hard wire their own brain. Switching back and forth is normal. It takes deep introspection and perhaps counseling to find real answers. Take it a day at a time.


2. Is it true that alcohol helps you stay male (in the brain)?

Actually, the case is quite the opposite; Many studies have shown that alcohol increases levels of estrogen, though these studies usually focus more on this and its correlation with breast cancer. Just try googling "Alcohol and Estrogen." Plenty of articles there.


3. What can we do to change the Standards of Care to fit the changing times?

My knowledge in this field is limited at best. So, because I am 18 and full of spirit, I say ACTIVISM!!!


4. Why is the suicide rate for the T community so horrablely high?

Well, I can only speak for myself, but the burden of keeping transgenderism a secret is very hard. one feels alone, freakish, strange. Perhaps with more education, and far less bigotry, these terrible statistics will decrease.

5. Why did my bell go off so late in life?

Hmmm, my bell has rung as long as I can remember, so I can't really answer this. Perhaps denial?


6. Even though you knew you were on the right road, did you find the whole idea of possible transitioning scary?

I'm terrified, and I've only just begun.


7. When you think of FtM's, do you find it hard to imagine why we need/want to be men?

Not at all. My wanting to be a woman doesn't stop me from realizing that they feel the same pain we all do.


8. did any of you MtF's ever have doubts about whether or not you truely are a transexual?
If so how did you deal with those doubts, and what made you finally come to the realization? Was therapy the only way to reach that answer?

Hmmm......I've always felt that I wanted to be a woman, but when I finally figured out what "Transgender (or rather, sexual) meant, I wasn't sure that was me. It took a lot of introspection and research. After all of that, I though "I wanna be a girl, and I always have, everything else be damned."


9. Do you get mood swings? and if so how do you cope with them?

Yes, but I think that stems more from my depression than anything else. I have it clinical depression, so yeah...But it's been good as of late!

10. Are any of you into dudes? It seems like 99% of the 'dealing with so' type posts here are about wives/female partners. For those who are into dudes (there has to be some!), dp you feel outnumbered here?

I am attracted to women both in a masculine way and in a feminine way. As for men, I feel like I would have to be a woman first. So, I could be a Bi woman or a Straight man.

11. Did you at any point think "I can't go on with this"?

Well, I've only just got on the transition train, but so far, no, I haven't. I am determined to see it through. But hell, talk to me in 5-10 years. I'll probably have a different answer.

12. Should a person at my age (45) just go for the T-blockers and not push so much for the estrol? I will ask doc also but would like thoughts from others. I think estrol will not be that effective at my age. Am I wrong?

Ask an Endocrinologist or a doctor, I would have no idea, lol.

[Btw, sorry about the simple quoting here, my internet, for some reason, refuses to load the page when I click on the quote button. >.<]

[AlisonRenee]

I have a personal question for the trans women, and if this isn't the place then feel free to give me hell for asking... the reason that I ask is simply because I'm trying to figure out where my feelings and behavior land in the TG spectrum.

It's about, well, blush, self-gratification. At a very young age I began doing this in what I would think is a more typically feminine way - not what males usually do. More of a fingertip brush, rapidly, on the most sensitive spot, and I would think it's something that females would do. It's highly effective and I still use this, blush. Blush blush blush. I'm trying not to make this sound like a stupid porn-ish question, please forgive me.

And I am asking because I'm wondering if this is something that others have discovered along the way. As I said, this began when I was very young and I'm wondering if it says something about how I'm wired. Now let me have it if I deserve it.

:o :o :o :o :o

[CharleneT]

I think there is a lot of variation in how anyone accomplishes the "deed". I doubt that any one method demonstrates much other than what works for you ? It might be a sign of femininity in your personality, but it also might not in another person. I would say that the "way" I do it is unusual, but I think that is because I'm nuts. {just joking}

[Spinningjenny]

Hi, this is my first post.
This is me. I've always known I should have been born female since my first haircut at three, that's when I realised myself and my sister were different (but the same). I threw a tantrum and was only pacified when my parents addressed me as Jennifer (They knew something).
I remember asking my mother (a little later on) if I could be a girl and was told "NO YOU ARE A LITTLE BOY". I kept pestering her and she told my father but this resulted in me being teased and made to feel ashamed. I buried these feelings and towed the line. I preferred girls company to boys but the teasing started from my child peers, so I 'toughened' up. To cut a long story short I'm now 42 and after 22 years of alcoholism (I'm almost twelve months dry now!)I went into a rehab and spilled everything out. My counsellors in rehab helped me to accept myself for who I am and now I'm waiting for a psychological assessment. I had one about ten ago but was treated pretty awfully and as a result sank deeper into drink.
Am I welcome in the transsexual forum?
Kindest Regards,
Jenny.

Sorry if I posted a reply instead of a question...newbie confusion!

[Veronica_Jean]

Jenny,

Most of us find something to use to hide in while we deal with life and grow up. For you it was a bottle.

It is a shame that those who should love us the most often try to make us "normal" to fit into the world where they see us instead of loving us and helping us find our place in the world.

There are many in this forum that have been and are in all stages of change and it sounds like you are yourself.

Perhaps posting an introduction in the normal thread area would be good to let everyone know you are here.

Good luck with your evaluation. I'm sure there are lots of girls here that have lots to share with you.

Veronica

[GypsyKaren]

Jenny, of course you're welcome here, make yourself at home!

Karen :g1:

[girlalex]

I really don't know how to categorize my question so i thought this would be the right place. well Im not sure how many of you had to deal with what im about to share but hopefully im not alone. here we go... ok so currently i am a cross dresser. i started experimenting with cding when i was 17 and from then on the desire to dress only escalated, so all along i still belived i was a cd up untill the recent months that i begin to feel that i might be a transgender . now besides the point i've always liked girls and everything about them but for some reason whenever i had a chance to "get it on" with one i just couldn't do it. there was something in me that just made me feel that having "it" done with a girl is nor right. i've been in a 2 week relationship, which was the only one i've ever had. and the girl dumped me because i didn't want to have sex with her. i love and adore girls but when it comes to that i just can't i feel its not right. anyone else had that happen to them before?

[Shikyo]

I really don't know how to categorize my question so i thought this would be the right place. well Im not sure how many of you had to deal with what im about to share but hopefully im not alone. here we go... ok so currently i am a cross dresser. i started experimenting with cding when i was 17 and from then on the desire to dress only escalated, so all along i still belived i was a cd up untill the recent months that i begin to feel that i might be a transponder. now besides the point i've always liked girls and everything about them but for some reason whenever i had a chance to "get it on" with one i just couldn't do it. there was something in me that just made me feel that having "it" done with a girl is nor right. i've been in a 2 week relationship, which was the first i've ever had. and the girl dumped me because i didn't want to have sex with her. i love and adore girls but when it comes to that i just can't i feel its not right. anyone else had that happen to them before?

I really haven't experience the same as you. I've always been more interested into girls and I didn't have trouble making out with them as long as I didn't have to do it as a "guy". All that I didn't care for was basically the guy parts down there, but other than that I didn't have trouble doing anything. After I started the HRT I've been started to get attracted towards guys as well. However, I definitely prefer still girls over guys.

[Brooke Ashley]

Might be a silly question idk, but here it goes. Did you identify as a crossdresser until you found out about being a transsexual? Basically im asking if you started out thinking you were a crossdresser and then later found signs that lead you to believe you were a transsexual?

[melimelo]

Might be a silly question idk, but here it goes. Did you identify as a crossdresser until you found out about being a transsexual? Basically im asking if you started out thinking you were a crossdresser and then later found signs that lead you to believe you were a transsexual?

Brooke, it's probably different for everybody. In my case, yes, until a year ago, I thought I was a soft-spoken, mild-mannered man who liked to crossdress. But the self-repression was too high and it took a whole summer without wife and kids to allow myself exploring this aspect to its limit. And I got scared at some point by what I felt... I DID NOT want to be a transsexual, having my life turned upside down, risk losing wife, kids, family and friends, undergo surgery, ouch! Are you out of your mind? :eek:

But then, I had to acknowledge. I did not choose to be born that way, but I could definitely choose to do something about it. I started my transition process 15 months ago and never regretted it. I am coming out to work tomorrow, finally. And I understand it's not the end of the road, but the beginning of a new one, a bit like leaving the country road and getting on the Interstate!

Take care of yourself, whatever your choice may be!

[Angel.Marie76]

Might be a silly question idk, but here it goes. Did you identify as a crossdresser until you found out about being a transsexual? Basically im asking if you started out thinking you were a crossdresser and then later found signs that lead you to believe you were a transsexual?

IMHO, I never categorized or defined myself as a crossdresser, or, that is, to say that I just enjoyed crossdressing but also enjoyed being 'a man' to the world at portions of the time, etc. I can remember when I was significantly young that, I looked at pictures of myself or my silhouette, and wished that I had longer hair, that my name was different, and that I could just wake up one day and be the girl that I dreamed. No one else on the planet at that time even knew I had desires to crossdress, however, if anyone had figured it out, I probably would have hid the truth (and did the one and only time I was caught dressing when I was much younger). My response then was that I was just experimenting or was curious, or that I didn't know /why/ I dressed. The truth that I was really transgender/ transsexual was probably far more clear than I ever realized, but didn't admit it (to myself or ANYONE really) until many years later.

I remember though, looking back now, that I fantasized for years upon years going through SRS, or wishing that I could.. but thinking 'No WAY! It's just not possible.. there's no way in heck I'd every be able to [afford/have the nerve to/be accepted/etc] transition. I saw it on TV, read about it again and again, heard about people who had, and how many treated it like some sort of dirty secret. You could say shame kept me quiet from identifying as my true self, so therefore I wasn't exactly going to lie and just say I liked to CD.. cause if I CDed, and people started asking me questions.. well, the truth would have leaked out. So I just hid.

[Shikyo]

Might be a silly question idk, but here it goes. Did you identify as a crossdresser until you found out about being a transsexual? Basically im asking if you started out thinking you were a crossdresser and then later found signs that lead you to believe you were a transsexual?

I didn't think about being a crossdresser at all. It took me years to actually accept what I was but when I finally did it I knew what I was.

[Areyan]

This is a great thread! This question is for all tgirls of any stage that have changed orientation to be with men because my gf has a hard time answering this with me. I need a clear answer here if you can, ladies. :)

I notice a few tgirls change orientation or seem to through their transition... I'm curious... did you feel attracted to men before or after your hormone replacement therapy? In other words, were you harbouring secret desires for men and just being dishonest with your partner for fear of being dumped or did your growing attraction to men take you by surprise?

My other question related to this was - WHEN did you notice these changes?

Thankies in advance, ladies.

:hugs:

Akira

[Shikyo]

This is a great thread! This question is for all tgirls of any stage that have changed orientation to be with men because my gf has a hard time answering this with me. I need a clear answer here if you can, ladies. :)

I notice a few tgirls change orientation or seem to through their transition... I'm curious... did you feel attracted to men before or after your hormone replacement therapy? In other words, were you harbouring secret desires for men and just being dishonest with your partner for fear of being dumped or did your growing attraction to men take you by surprise?

My other question related to this was - WHEN did you notice these changes?

Thankies in advance, ladies.

:hugs:

Akira

Before I started the hormone therapy and all of this I couldn't stand men. I thought of myself as a lesbian. Now I've started to realize it wasn't men I dislike but it was my own male body. Now I'm definitely bisexual and I feel attracted to both sexes.

Yes, it took me by surprise as for so many years I've thought of myself as a lesbian that has been imprisoned inside a male body. Suddenly, without a warning it turns out not to be quite so true.

[Areyan]

Thanks for your reply, Shikyo. :D

:love:

Akira

[Shikyo]

Thanks for your reply, Shikyo. :D

:love:

Akira

You're welcome. *purrs happily on the floor*

[Angel.Marie76]

This is a great thread! This question is for all tgirls of any stage that have changed orientation to be with men because my gf has a hard time answering this with me. I need a clear answer here if you can, ladies. :)

I notice a few tgirls change orientation or seem to through their transition... I'm curious... did you feel attracted to men before or after your hormone replacement therapy? In other words, were you harbouring secret desires for men and just being dishonest with your partner for fear of being dumped or did your growing attraction to men take you by surprise?

My other question related to this was - WHEN did you notice these changes?

Thankies in advance, ladies.

:hugs:

Akira

Akira,

In my perspective, you could say that I've been bi-curious for many many years, and while dating women all my life, I've not actually engaged the idea of dating / having intimate relations with a man... until I started my outward transition.

You could say that I was afraid to go to gay bars, nervous about playing with my sexual orientation, etc. However, as I've been out now, and with SO very much support from other T-Girls in my area, I've been able to just let my fears fall to the wayside. As I get out more and more to TG/TS friendly areas and clubs, I have been hit on by men, flirted with, and so on, and have even begun to see some of my male friends in a different light.. all because I've basically been able to come to grips with the fact that I have either always been 'Bi' or 'fluid', whatever have you.

Heck, the other night I was out at a casual STRAIGHT bar, essentially in classy pressed male drab, and I had a cute younger guy come up and start coming on to me... with my GF right there!! I smiled and thanked him for the compliments, and moved on.. but thinking back, I was floored with the realization that I was just hit on by a guy, and I wasn't dressed, and I didn't shy away from it at all! :eek: A few years ago, before I admitted to my TG nature, I probably would have run screaming... I must be radiating a more femme presence now or something. ;)

Hope that helps!

[lisalove]

This came to me last night when I was going through some certifications I have.
What happens with any certifactions, licences, degrees, etc. that you received as a male. Are they now worthless? As they are in your male name. Or can they be transfered to your female name?

[Carole Cross]

This came to me last night when I was going through some certifications I have.
What happens with any certifactions, licences, degrees, etc. that you received as a male. Are they now worthless? As they are in your male name. Or can they be transfered to your female name?

I think that you will have to contact the companies/universities that issued the certificates in the first place, just as youhave to notify the banks and other organisations about your name and gender change. this is certainly the case in the UK, I have heard that some UK universities have refused in the past to reissue degree certificates in a different name so you are really at the mercy of the policies of the organisations involved. It is just another hurdle that will be encountered during your transition,

[Faith_G]

Most organizations/institutions will just need a copy of the court order for your name change.

[pamela_a]

Might be a silly question idk, but here it goes. Did you identify as a crossdresser until you found out about being a transsexual? Basically im asking if you started out thinking you were a crossdresser and then later found signs that lead you to believe you were a transsexual?
Brooke, I can't say that I ever took the label of crossdresser but I dressed completely somewhere between androgenous and female for several years before I accepted I was TS and started transitioning

[pamela_a]

This is a great thread! This question is for all tgirls of any stage that have changed orientation to be with men because my gf has a hard time answering this with me. I need a clear answer here if you can, ladies. :)

I notice a few tgirls change orientation or seem to through their transition... I'm curious... did you feel attracted to men before or after your hormone replacement therapy? In other words, were you harbouring secret desires for men and just being dishonest with your partner for fear of being dumped or did your growing attraction to men take you by surprise?

My other question related to this was - WHEN did you notice these changes?



Akira, I can't say I was ever attracted to men until I started HRT. Since I started it I've noticed a definate shift in my feelings. It may also be combined with my recent transitioning at work resulting in me completely living full time now. One other factor may I became a widow in October after 26 years so now finding myself a single woman it's a little more on my mind.

[Areyan]

Thanks to both Angel.Marie76 and you too, Pamela_a. :hugs:

I've been spending a bit of time trying to work out why on earth folks would change their orientation due to gender changes as I've always believed they were both separate issues. It seems from all of your answers that they could be intertwined and I'm no reproductive genius here but I've put two and two together and I am starting to think part of our orientation is made up of biological responses to our hormones. From what you ladies here are saying, my theory makes sense.

My theory is that women produce oestrogen first and foremost for egg production and that our natural response to this is attraction to males so that we can reproduce. Although this is a natural response from genetic women it is something we can "go against" or fight if we are indeed bisexual or lesbian. I feel the same about MtF transsexuals... I think it's possible the brain confuses true orientation with hormonal response and it's easier to buy into hetero-sexism and the whole idea of having a boyfriend/husband and becoming a "real" woman than it is to go against the grain and become a lesbian transwoman. I can't think of another explanation for why previouslly female(only)-attracted MtFs actually change their orientation if they didn't consider it in their male lives. Perhaps I'm wrong (and I hope I am), but I think it's worthy of consideration. Absolutely no offense intended to any ladies with my ideas here, just throwing it out there.

:love:

Akira

[sempervirens]

...I've put two and two together and I am starting to think part of our orientation is made up of biological responses to our hormones. From what you ladies here are saying, my theory makes sense.

My theory is that women produce oestrogen first and foremost for egg production and that our natural response to this is attraction to males so that we can reproduce. Although this is a natural response from genetic women it is something we can "go against" or fight if we are indeed bisexual or lesbian. I feel the same about MtF transsexuals... I think it's possible the brain confuses true orientation with hormonal response and it's easier to buy into hetero-sexism and the whole idea of having a boyfriend/husband and becoming a "real" woman than it is to go against the grain and become a lesbian transwoman. I can't think of another explanation for why previouslly female(only)-attracted MtFs actually change their orientation if they didn't consider it in their male lives. Perhaps I'm wrong (and I hope I am), but I think it's worthy of consideration. Absolutely no offense intended to any ladies with my ideas here, just throwing it out there.

:love:

Akira
Hormonal levels have something to do with orientation, that's true. Studies of testosterone levels of straight and gay men have shown no statistically significant difference. Or, gay guys aren't gay because of a relative lack of T. On the other hand, in other animals (these tests haven't been replicated with people), later changing up hormonal levels can change orientation. You can make gay frogs, mice, and so on. Actually, they act like "women," with the mice going into lordosis and so on. So, it's complicated. The implications of hormonal levels are most interesting when you talk about the embryonic hormone wash, but that's not as directly linked to suddenly switching attraction later in life, which is what you're talking about.

I don't believe bi or lesbian women fight or go against their chemical signals. That's really too simple an explanation for how complicated attraction really is. There are social factors, too, for instance. In the end we're just into who we're into.

I've always liked guys, hormones didn't change that, but I've dated women, too. In fact, I'm dating one now, and there's no fighting to be attracted to her; I've never been so into someone in my life!

[kerrianna]

This is a great thread! This question is for all tgirls of any stage that have changed orientation to be with men because my gf has a hard time answering this with me. I need a clear answer here if you can, ladies. :)

I notice a few tgirls change orientation or seem to through their transition... I'm curious... did you feel attracted to men before or after your hormone replacement therapy? In other words, were you harbouring secret desires for men and just being dishonest with your partner for fear of being dumped or did your growing attraction to men take you by surprise?

My other question related to this was - WHEN did you notice these changes?

Thankies in advance, ladies.

:hugs:

Akira

I consider that my attraction to men, sexually (they exhaust me in so many other ways! :brolleyes:) is not that my sexual orientation changed, just my gender POV. I was primarily heterosexual, and I still am. This is really made obvious to me because I still have a relationship with my partner, and we consider ourselves to be a lesbian couple. If I still was sexually attracted to women (I am, but not in the same way - there's something about the opposite sex I find exciting) I'd consider that being homosexual, and because I was hetero before, then I'd consider my sexual orientation changed.
Does that make sense?

And it should be clear that my gender identity wasn't fully formed before, and I was trying on the male shoes, so that's why I say my gender POV changed. It's really about my acceptance of who I am, and always was. Acceptance can change a lot of things and move you in unexpected directions.

[lizlizzie]

My spouse said at the beginning that she felt like she was a woman in a man's body and that she preferred woman sexually so she must be a lesbian in a man's body. From the posts it appears many found there preference changed. Do you think the hormones changed things, that being yourselves just made it easier to admit your real feelings regarding men or woman being your preference, or did it not change for you at all? Do you find that you are attracted more toward those who have changed genders rather than those who remain the same gender since birth? My fear is that when she has completed these changes she will decide that I am not what she finds attractive physcially after all.

[GypsyKaren]

I've always felt pretty much the same, I thought it natural to explore being with men. I'm now a "Katsexual", I'm only attracted and devoted to my spouse Kat. Having my surgery didn't make me want to have a life or relationship with a man, Kat and I have been married for 16 years and I could never want or need anyone else...I think the important thing is to be with the one you love, gender be damned.

Karen :g1:

[Melissa A.]

My attraction to guys came on long before I started hormones. But it did coincide with the re-emergence and awareness of my true self. It was one of the things, but so, so far from the only one, that spurred me into therapy. It was something I simply did not see coming, or had even thought about before. Now it simply feels natural. I really don't know why, or care much at this point. I just wish men weren't such oafs sometimes!

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[wehtam]

Akira Shaolin asked about tgirls change orientation or seem to through their transition. For those of you that did, how did you react to the change?

Are you still happy about your reassignment surgery or is it just a fact of your self now? (I don't mean do you regret it)

Do you ever miss the thrill you had when you used to cross-dress now that it's how you dress 100% of the time?

[MJ]

Akira Shaolin asked about tgirls change orientation or seem to through their transition. For those of you that did, how did you react to the change?

orientation well i'm not sure about that.


Are you still happy about your reassignment surgery or is it just a fact of your self now? (I don't mean do you regret it)


yes i am happy with myself now best thing i ever did


Do you ever miss the thrill you had when you used to cross-dress now that it's how you dress 100% of the time?

i have to say yes. the thrill was becoming the real me.. now it's just me all the time

[Felicha]

I think that I have always been drawn to men even though I have three xwifes. I tried for years to fight off the feelings and thoughts that were in my mind. I have never felt right being with a woman and afraid to be with a man until my last wife said I should to see if that was what I really needed.
Needless to say we were not married much longer after that. Now I will only date and be with a man. The feeling was always there but after HRT it increased 10 fold.

Felicha

[brandy1985]

Did anyone start out crossdressing and start to wonder about having a sex change but than look at everyone else and think, how would they feel.
this guilt goes through my head every time i cd. It usually ends with me burning some stuff but searching franticly the next week for cheep clothing and make up to dress in? SO MUCH$$$$$ waisted, i had a friend who was addicted to crack and it kind of reminds me of what he did? Has anyone thought of it this way or am i the only one.
Hope i dont offend anyone im just confused and looking for answers

[Faith_G]

Worrying about how everyone else would feel and what they would think had me stalled for about 20 years. As a teenager I found out that transitioning was possible and my immediate reaction was "Oh, no! I don't want to have to do that!" So I spent 20 years trying to hide it from everyone, even myself at times.

I found your comment about addiction interesting. Some members of my family do see my "lifestyle" as a self-destructive addiction. Yep, I'm addicted to being me. I'd like to see them try to kick the "habit" of being them.

[Sammy777]

Do you ever miss the thrill you had when you used to cross-dress now that it's how you dress 100% of the time?

Interesting question. The answer is Yes and No.
Yes - Although the "thrill" I got from it wasn't really about "dressing up" as much as it was me being able to, well, be me.
And
No - The "thrill" of "being able to be me" has been replaced with more of a calm and general happiness of "just being me"
and also being out/open and generally accepted as me.

The clothes, while generally different, are really just that, clothes.
I get no more [or no less] excited about a new "whatever" then any other girl does.

The clothes don't make me, I make me, the clothes just help show it to the rest of the world. [If that makes sense]

Wearing a pair of "his" jeans does not make me feel like "him".
The same as putting on a dress doesn't make me feel any more like me.
I am me, no matter what I'm wearing.

In Closing:
La de da the King is dead.......... Long live the Queen. :D



Did anyone start out crossdressing and start to wonder about having a sex change but than look at everyone else and think, how would they feel.

Friends, Family, Spouses, Kids, Obligations, Responsibilities, Not upsetting the apple cart, what will Mom n Dad think, ect, ect, ect.

Face it, the list can go on and on.
As long as you let it.

Not to oversimplify it, but the day you take those first baby steps towards transition is the day you realize that you need to put yourself first and do what you need to in order to stay/be/become a happy well adjusted person.

There comes a time when you just have to be you and damn what they might think or say, it is your life and you are not being selfish for wanting to life it the way you were meant to live it.

Face it - A happy Her is better then an unhappy Him.
Or worse yet a depressed or even worse yet a suicidal Him.

[Felicha]

Did anyone start out crossdressing and start to wonder about having a sex change but than look at everyone else and think, how would they feel.
this guilt goes through my head every time i cd. It usually ends with me burning some stuff but searching franticly the next week for cheep clothing and make up to dress in? SO MUCH$$$$$ waisted, i had a friend who was addicted to crack and it kind of reminds me of what he did? Has anyone thought of it this way or am i the only one.
Hope i dont offend anyone im just confused and looking for answers The hardest part of transitioning is telling family and friends and you can count on losing some of both. I let that stand in my way of being happy and content with my self for a lot of years. My fear of what my family would think and do put me in a very depressed state of mind and on the edge of suicide. I had two choices that was to die or to become who I was meant to be.My mother and I are closer than ever my dad will talk to me once in awhile my brother I have talked to one time since transitioning and my little sister is happy that I am a whole person now and we get along great. Now as for friends you will surely see who your real friends are. I have one and all the others well lets just say they were fair weather and they saw a storm coming and took cover. Yes it hurts but in the long run what is more important your health and happiness or that of someone that would rather see you miserable and hurting.
Felicha

[EnglishRose]

Did anyone who didn't start transition until after their twenties, think back and not really have a time in their childhood where they really wanted to be a girl?

Reason I ask is I'm trying to work out what dressing and gender identity is to me, and I'm easily led at times so have fit an article about TS people very, very closely to myself. However I don't recall feeling like the wrong gender until I examined why I was dressing and why I felt so much better (nonsexually) recently (though I have never had an attachment to "being male" or my genitals in particular.

[Frances]

Not me. I knew at four, but did not transition until I was forty. It is something I have not finished mourning I am afraid.

[Hope]

I think I can safely say that there was not a time in my childhood where I didn't want to be a girl. It was excruciating at times, and more easily managed at others - but always there. Had the circumstances of my life been different I am sure I would have transitioned when I was much younger - and I can only speculate that transitioning in high school would have been easier than enduring high school as a guy - but that is just speculation.

I too still mourn not having a real girlhood.

[melimelo]

Did anyone who didn't start transition until after their twenties, think back and not really have a time in their childhood where they really wanted to be a girl?

I don't have a clear childhood memory of wanting to be a girl. I started crossdressing pretty early (around 6), without knowing why I liked it. And I started having fantasies about becoming a girl (with a strong arousal factor) around 12. But one thing I'm sure is that I've always felt like an incompetent male: too sensitive, definitely not into sports, too romantic. Of course, these could also apply to a very sensitive, very romantic non-athletic man. So that's why I did not see the full picture until much much later.

Nowadays, I do feel more like a woman, but I don't hate my "male aspects". I don't know if it answers your concern.

Cheers,

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Did anyone who didn't start transition until after their twenties, think back and not really have a time in their childhood where they really wanted to be a girl?

Reason I ask is I'm trying to work out what dressing and gender identity is to me, and I'm easily led at times so have fit an article about TS people very, very closely to myself. However I don't recall feeling like the wrong gender until I examined why I was dressing and why I felt so much better (nonsexually) recently (though I have never had an attachment to "being male" or my genitals in particular.

I never ever considered myself a woman...but i desperately wished i was...i would see articles on ts women and i would think, why can't that be me? i was so jealous of them...i obsessively crossdressed and by my college days i would go outside and to malls and hotels and just walk around, always fully dressed and emulating women...i yearned for contact with people as a woman..some nites i stayed up until 6am and cried when i had to go to work

and yet i never seriously considered transition..after my divorce at age 44, i was free to dress whenever and i almost immediately realized why i was dressing...and how guilty and ashamed i was on the inside...i realized how deeply i had repressed what i knew all along...only when i stopped punishing myself (for being me!) did i start to make progress...

i have posted this link many times, but i'll do it again...
when i read it , i immediately knew that the psychologist that wrote it was describing me and i decided right then and there that i would not age as a bitter person and end up regretting not living my own life..

http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm

One thing I've learned from alot of folks since i've started transition is that you need to let it come to you...its easier said than done...when you start questioning things the way you are doing now, that means something, but you are going to need patience and learn to be honest with yourself...by the time girls get to transition, they are generally ready ..its like self selection...and the failed transitions are typically because the person rushed it or they ran out of money

the thought that really nailed it for me was when i pictured myself on my deathbed...and i immediately knew that my last thoughts would include deep sorrow and regret for not living my life as a woman, as "myself"...

i know i blab alot, but this is meaning of life stuff....

[Joan Merrie]

Yes, I've wanted to be me for ever, I'm finally heading there. And yes I want my bits gone.:hugs::love:

[pamela_a]

Did anyone who didn't start transition until after their twenties, think back and not really have a time in their childhood where they really wanted to be a girl?

Reason I ask is I'm trying to work out what dressing and gender identity is to me, and I'm easily led at times so have fit an article about TS people very, very closely to myself. However I don't recall feeling like the wrong gender until I examined why I was dressing and why I felt so much better (nonsexually) recently (though I have never had an attachment to "being male" or my genitals in particular.
This sounds so very familiar to me Christina. I understand what you're saying because I've been down that road

I didn't start transitioning until, well, significantly after my 20s. I was essentially raised in a church until I graduated from high school. I always knew something was wrong with me but I had no idea what it was and, of course in that situation, I had nobody to talk to about it. There were bits and pieces, snippets of truth but nothing I would allow myself to believe or accept. It wasn't until I found a web forum I finally realized I wasn't alone and that opened the flood gates and finally enabled me to understand and accept why I'd felt wrong my whole life.

Only you know the answer you seek. I found mine in that place deep inside me I was always afraid to go. For me, finding the answer wasn't nearly as difficult as accepting it.

Follow your heart and you'll find the truth

[dawnmarrie1961]

Being an MTF myself. I've asked myself these questions over and over. Now I ask them of you.

How far do you need to go to feel comfortable with yourself?

Are you doing this in order to be accepted by society? Or yourself?

Realizing that (short of an act of god) no matter what you change about yourself, you will never really be a woman. Can you be content with that reality?

Be safe. Be smart.

Dawn Marrie

[gulliver]

If society totally accepted people from all through the gender and sexuality spectra, rather than just the predominantly female or male points on each spectrum, would you feel the need to transition?

[Sammy777]

If society totally accepted people from all through the gender and sexuality spectra,
rather than just the predominantly female or male points on each spectrum,
would you feel the need to transition?

Yes.
It is not so much about being accepted as it is being able to be yourself.

[pamela_a]

Being an MTF myself. I've asked myself these questions over and over. Now I ask them of you.

How far do you need to go to feel comfortable with yourself?

Are you doing this in order to be accepted by society? Or yourself?

Realizing that (short of an act of god) no matter what you change about yourself, you will never really be a woman. Can you be content with that reality?

Dawnmarrie, How far do I need to go to be comfortable with myself? I've just completed transitioning and now I'm comfortable. Society be damned, I'm doing this for me.

I disagree with the premise of your 3rd question completely. I AM a woman. I had a birth defect that's finally getting corrected.

[pamela_a]

If society totally accepted people from all through the gender and sexuality spectra, rather than just the predominantly female or male points on each spectrum, would you feel the need to transition?

I'm curious why so many people allow society to control their life. What is society other than a collection of people, most of whom who have never had an original thought in their life, banding together like a bunch of sheep for the purpose of having enought power to tell everyone else what to do and what is "acceptable".

Why should I listen to them? It's MY life, not theirs. I'm living it, nobody else.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Pam..the answer to your question may be in your mind already..

it took me many many years to build up the courage to realize that it was my life...i'm guessing same for you...what seems so obvious now was not so obvious to me years ago

For me, i looked at everything around me and made a conscious choice to fit in and i acted accordingly...for a while that worked for mem, but only by living that way for 40+ years, and realizing how empty and plastic i was did i move off that idea and towards being myself...doing what i knew was right for me feels out of this world wonderful to me

however, its also terrifying...now i have to go and be myself...all of sudden it really is me on the line...that is something i am getting used to every day
that fear is part of the reason i waited so long..

if you think about it, taking no risk has its own reward, but not really feeling anything is not very fulfilling .

[gulliver]

I thought long and hard about the question I posted yesterday and actually removed part of it before I posted. The full question was originally -
"If society totally accepted people from all through the gender and sexuality spectra, rather than just the predominantly female or male points on each spectrum, and you were able to be yourself, would you feel the need to transition?"

If I may, I'll ask another -

Why are you not able to be yourself without transitioning?

[pamela_a]

"If society totally accepted people from all through the gender and sexuality spectra, rather than just the predominantly female or male points on each spectrum, and you were able to be yourself, would you feel the need to transition?"

If I may, I'll ask another -

Why are you not able to be yourself without transitioning?

IMO Societal acceptance is irrevalant when it comes to the question of "do I need to transition or not?" Acceptance makes it easier to transition but the need to transition is a deeply personal thing and should ideally be make irregardless of societal impact (I know.. I'm dreaming with that one).

The answer to the questions "would I feel the need to transition" and "Why are you not able to be yourself without transitioning? " are linked. I was raised and lived too much of my life incorrectly as a male. For me, accepted by society or not, transitioning is the act of me living as who I am and not the artificial male construct I created. The only way I can be myself is to transition.

[Sammy777]

Why are you not able to be yourself without transitioning?

There is not an easy answer to that.

There is a big difference between being yourself, and being seen as who you are.

I am me, I have always been me, I will continue to be me through out my transition and beyond.
Who you are on the inside [IE in your Head] doesn't really change*.
Transitioning is more about getting your body to match what's in your head.

Like I said, I will always be myself,
BUT I will never be fully complete, happy, content, call it what you will until my body matches that of my mind.

*[While I may see, act, and react to things around me differently then I did before, this still really does not change who I am. Make sense?]

[Barbara Dugan]

Hi I would like to ask what is the best way to look for counseling? Do you need to be referred by your GP or do you need to find a gender counselor by yourself. I been feeling real good and I think that now that I have clear mind is a good time to try to understand myself better

[pamela_a]

Hi I would like to ask what is the best way to look for counseling? Do you need to be referred by your GP or do you need to find a gender counselor by yourself.

It may depend on if your insurance requires a referral. Mine doesn't and I found my therapist on my own. Even if it's not required it may be useful to discuss it with your GP. They may have some ideas or insight on where to look.

If you're in an area with a University based hospital they may have resources or a clinic there. That's where I found my therapist

Best wishes as you begin your search.

[Barbara Dugan]

Thanks Pamela my insurance doesnt require referrals. My only concern is find a counselor with experience

[Faith_G]

Try looking here, I found my therapist through this list.

http://www.drbecky.com/therapists.html

[Angel.Marie76]

I don't have my lists right here near me, but I basically just opened up every search engine I could find and started researching everything, therapists, support groups, reference material.. you name it. After finding about a 1/2 dozen different therapist / support group listings, I started narrowing down by region.. found support groups that new the 'better' councilors in the area, and so on..

[Kaitlyn Michele]

barbara..dr becky's list is well known.

you are going to have to meet some people unless you are very lucky...you'd be amazed at the folks that say they have the expertise to really help ....if all you want are hormone referrals thats a different story...

hopefully there is a group in houston...i met my hometown friends through the local crossdressing parties...even tho i wasnt sure they were right for me, imet tons of great people, and through those contacts met my current therapist, who is beyond wonderful...

so if you can make some local contacts then it can tend to open up all kinds of things for you

[Arianna Aine]

Hi I would like to ask what is the best way to look for counseling? Do you need to be referred by your GP or do you need to find a gender counselor by yourself. I been feeling real good and I think that now that I have clear mind is a good time to try to understand myself better

i would have to agree with pamela in saying that university hospitals are usually a good bet. the specialist i eventually ended up going to (after two idiotic general therapists) works at the UofM center for sexual health. (anyone here near minneapolis who happens to be looking for a specialist, Dr. Walter Bockting is awesome. tell him michelle sent ya ^_^)

part of the reason for this is because institutions that receive state and/or federal funding have to operate by certain standards. meaning they can't refuse treatment, must diagnose according to psychiatric standard (so none of that 'YOU ARE A SINNER' crap), and so forth. and if they do mess up you can sue them...not that you would ever have to ^_^

[Maryanne_sa]

Okay....this question was asked of us by an MtF, so I will ask it the other way....When you think of FtM's, do you find it hard to imagine why we need/want to be men? Yes, we all understand transsexuality, but, beyond that, do you ever sit back and think, wow, why would anyone want to be a man? Or, they have everything I want, why would they want to change it? (Not a comment, but glad you ladies are doing a Q&A, too). :hugs::love:

What an excellent question you ask Trey. I have read your posts in the past and the thought did enter my mind as to why anyone could possibly want to be a man! I now realise how totally biased this thought is. You are in exactly the same boat as us Mtf's, only going in the opposite direction.

This made me think, If it is difficult for us to understand Transsexual's going the other way, How much more difficult is it for our non transgendered friends and family to understand.

This thought scares me, as I am at the point of telling friends and family, and only fear of rejection is holding me back,

Take Care,


Maryanne

[Saintlea]

I finally swallowed my shame and guilt last Christmas and told my wife of 15 years I have always wanted to be female. I am also seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist about my confusing gender issues.

I need to be female, every feeling I have desires this mistake of nature to be put right. But, my wife makes me feel that it is something to be ashamed about, I love her and we have two young and wonderful children. I also work in engineering where intolerance is rife... My question is this.

Where do I start? where do I begin to chip away at this false manly veneer to expose the woman that I have neglected inside me for so long?

[GypsyKaren]

You need to find someone to talk to so you can get things out to learn about yourself, the first step should be counseling while you keep your wife in the loop.

Karen :g1:

[Saintlea]

Thank you for your quick reply.. I hope to eventually be as comfortable with myself as most of the girls here seem to be. I guess it just takes time to unravel the real me.

[pamela_a]

Karen nailed it right on. You need to find a therapist you can work with. Just remember, a therapist won't have the answers you seek. They can only guide you to find the answers only you can provide.

I know many times it's easy to get wrapped up in the "what if's" but don't get ahead of yourself. Find out what you need to do before you start worrying about how to get there.

[tanyalynn51]

Listening to some of the responses here, (and I know I am new), I wonder how some make it sound so easy to go from being a man at work, to a woman the rest of the time. I wear panties, etc. to work, but that doesnt cover the fact that I have to keep the mindset to some degree. Or, is it just practice and experience?

[charline4994]

I'm really not sure where I am on the Trans spectrum. I've always had fantasies of becoming a girl but I don't know exactly. When I first heard of SRS when I was a child it sounded like exactly what I wanted. I've cross dressed off and on ever since I was 7. When cross dressing I feel at peace. It's morphed from more of a sexual thrill to a natural "at place." My mother (single parent) didn't accept my cross dressing so she certainly wouldn't accept if I was TS and that may be something that holds me back. I'm really not sure if I want to go 100% female or not.

[Faith_G]

Listening to some of the responses here, (and I know I am new), I wonder how some make it sound so easy to go from being a man at work, to a woman the rest of the time. I wear panties, etc. to work, but that doesnt cover the fact that I have to keep the mindset to some degree. Or, is it just practice and experience?I'll field this one since I am currently working as a guy.

I don't really do much consciously to try to be a guy at work. I wear a uniform to work, so my clothing selection is pre-determined and that probably helps. I try not to talk too girly, but otherwise I just am me. I've been there 11 years and there have been a lot of changes to my presentation in the last 4 years. I think the people I work with are used to me being male and the alternative just has not occurred to them. I'm sure some of them are just too polite to say "Gee, you're a little light in your loafers these days, what's up with that?" :heehee:

Outside work, when I'm presenting female, I concentrate on my voice mainly. I seem to be blessed with a natural ability to get by, people just accept me for who I appear to be. :happy:

The difficult part is stripping off the makeup and putting on the uniform to go to work, but that's an emotional struggle rather than effort that needs to be put forth and concentration that must be maintained - not "work" so to speak.

[pamela_a]

Listening to some of the responses here, (and I know I am new), I wonder how some make it sound so easy to go from being a man at work, to a woman the rest of the time. I wear panties, etc. to work, but that doesnt cover the fact that I have to keep the mindset to some degree. Or, is it just practice and experience?

I couldn't do it. I progressively changed my appearance and attire over several years until I got to the point of completely transitioning at work last August. No conflict and no switching

[pamela_a]

I'm really not sure where I am on the Trans spectrum. I've always had fantasies of becoming a girl but I don't know exactly. When I first heard of SRS when I was a child it sounded like exactly what I wanted. I've cross dressed off and on ever since I was 7. When cross dressing I feel at peace. It's morphed from more of a sexual thrill to a natural "at place." My mother (single parent) didn't accept my cross dressing so she certainly wouldn't accept if I was TS and that may be something that holds me back. I'm really not sure if I want to go 100% female or not.

Only you can provide the answer to how far you need to go. A good therapist can ask the right questions but only you can provide the answers. The TG spectrum is pretty wide and you need to find the place where you are comfortable with yourself. It may be you find you need to transition, but it may not. I understand the fear of what others may think or how they'll react but you are the one who needs to live your life.

Find a gender therapist and talk. The hardest part might be accepting the answer you find.

[NathalieX66]

Okay...new question here, or maybe not so new:
What do transsexuals, and those who are actively involve with the process of transition think of crossdressers? Is this a loaded question or not?
Somehow I get the feeling that the respect for each other in some circles is not always mutual.

[Hope]

Okay...new question here, or maybe not so new:
What do transsexuals, and those who are actively involve with the process of transition think of crossdressers? Is this a loaded question or not?
Somehow I get the feeling that the respect for each other in some circles is not always mutual.

For me at least - it has a LOT more to do with the individual than the label. I know that sounds trite, and like the "correct" answer - but it also happens to be true. The truth is that there are a lot of people, "normal" people, CDs, TS, whatever I don't particularly care for or think are particularly healthy... The fact that some one cross-dresses doesn't really influence that. I think one of the things that this site makes plain is that there are WAY too many different motivations for and styles of cross-dressing to ever consider the group as a whole.

I will say that I get annoyed by those who misbehave, and cast a dark shadow on the rest of the community. The last thing we need is more bad PR. The fetishists who want to wear a french-maid outfit to work, or a tutu to ballet class with kids. The guys who act like drag queens and then get horribly offended and act-out when someone assumes they are gay. The guys who have a full understanding of themselves, and yet refuse to be honest with their wives and friends. The wives who hold cross-dressing over the head of an honest spouse and/or use it as a club to beat a husband with.

But that doesn't have so much to do with there being cross-dressers as it does with their lacking appropriate social skills and boundaries.

I don't really understand the fascination with panties, or the desire to get all dressed up to sit on the sofa and watch sports, or the desire to sit (hairy) knees akimbo discussing war stories in a dress at the VFW hall... but I don't have to. I assume they don't understand my desire to lop my man-junk off with a hatchet - and they don't have to. But we can still be friends, and respect each other even without that sort of understanding of each-other's motivations.

[carolinoakland]

brain wiring...once you've been on one side or the other for long enough period of time, it stays put. I vividly remember the first time I did something and didn't think about how "he or she" would do it. I got into a car and smoothed my "skirt" under me as I sat...even tho I was wearing slacks.

booze... wouldn't know...never touch the stuff...never seen it do anyone any bit of good tho

SoC...i think the SoC needs an update. It has been a long time since it was written and for the most part its still a safe pattern. The problem is more people are finding the path of least resistance to "get out of their box" and that in its self doesn't follow the SoC...

Suicide...I think its like one of those volcano experiments we all did in elementary school...only no hole in the top for all the pressure to blow out of. We bottle up inside ourselves all the pressure we're under and some can't cope with it or funnel it out in a safe manner.

Chimes...Your bell went off late because you kept reaching over and hitting the snooze alarm...

Jenn

Snooze alarm. that explains eeeeeverything. I laughed so hard. thanks.

[luvSophia]

Okay...new question here, or maybe not so new:
What do transsexuals, and those who are actively involve with the process of transition think of crossdressers? Is this a loaded question or not?
Somehow I get the feeling that the respect for each other in some circles is not always mutual.
Like Hope said, it is more about the individual than it is the activity. I don't "get" crossdressing anymore than I do people who are genderqueer. I also do not get the attraction to anime my BFF's daughter has nor my sister's compulsion to scrapbooking. I have quite a few crossdressing friends and I regularly attend a monthly social gathering they have. They know I am not a "heterosexual crossdressing male" as their membership requires, but that does not matter to them or to myself. They are my friends and I enjoy their (and their spouses) company.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Nathalie that is a great question.:hugs:

My best best friends are crossdressers.

As I started coming out as trans, i did as a crossdresser for many years...i drifted away from old friends, and hit the gay bars and friendly places "en femme" living a cd lifestyle taught me about myself and here i am

i do see ts women that avoid crossdressers (and i am not above staying out of my local mall with a very unpassable cd friend) , and this can be confusing for cd's and is easily misinterpreted...

if you are living a stealth lifestyle folks generally avoid crossdressers for fear of being outed and this can cause a rift and cd's should understand this, and there's no reason for the transwoman to be dishonest about it!!!!

as pointed out before...people are people and as a transwoman i demand the respect to be treated as who i am ....and so should a person that is a crossdresser

[Angel.Marie76]

Okay...new question here, or maybe not so new:
What do transsexuals, and those who are actively involve with the process of transition think of crossdressers? Is this a loaded question or not?
Somehow I get the feeling that the respect for each other in some circles is not always mutual.

I know several people who consider themselves 'only crossdressers', and I would consider a few of them acquaintances, and others friends. People CD for so many different reasons, and an old saying goes, 'and ye harm none, do as ye will' which I believe is a pretty fair way to look at things. I think that any person, CDer, genderqueer, non-conforming, whatever, should be allowed to just live as themselves without the fear of persecution.

Going to support groups of TS/TG and transitioning folks, and then communicating with CDer groups does confuse me at times, but mostly because of where I am in my transition, and in presentation semi-F/T and so on. I find that CDers, of course, have different priorities and concerns than TG/TS folks, and that can sometimes lead to uncomfortable situations in both directions. I've heard that TG/TS/Transitioning folks aren't as understanding of the whole clandestine nature of (some) CDers, and that CDers often feel like they're treated as lesser beings because they WANT to hide themselves for very obvious / personal reasons. That's just a few thoughts on it..

I will admit that, there are several times, when I've been out to dinner or a bar with a CD friend (one specifically out in NV) where I was just trying to wrap my brain around the person. I just wanted to learn a little about what makes them tick, and the deeper the conversation went, the more the person seemed like a walking contradiction. I didn't belittle him/her or anything, but I was clear with them that our thoughts didn't line up, and we had to agree to disagree just to let the night be.

As another person said, I won't generally avoid going out with Trans and/or CDing friends if we going out for a good time at a bar or club, etc. However, also in echo of what another had said, those CDers that are edge-pushers, the glam-queen, shockwear types that dress to the 9's to garner attention - those individuals I feel uncomfortable around. When I am out, I look to blend in as seamlessly as possible. I want to be considered to be just another one of the girls walking through the mall, generally relaxed and quiet. Attention for me is a no-no.. (and I do realize that GGs can be JUST as loud and flashy as any CDer in this example, and so, in that respect, I also would not generally want to hit the streets with them either). Call me shy or reserved if you will, but just like everyone else here, it's my choice.

I certainly am not looking to offend anyone here, these are just opinions.

[Traci Elizabeth]

Okay...new question here, or maybe not so new:
What do transsexuals, and those who are actively involve with the process of transition think of crossdressers? Is this a loaded question or not?
Somehow I get the feeling that the respect for each other in some circles is not always mutual.

That is a difficult question for me to answer with any surety as I have had little exposure to CD's. And the two that I have met, where CD's for purely sexual gratification reasons and nothing else.

I am sure that those two where not representative of the majority of CD's.

But like others have stated and I mean this with no disrespect whatsoever but I just can't see myself relating to a CD who has a beard and/or mustache, hairy legs, raging "T", and watching sports while cheering on his team in a deep low pitched voice wearing his team colors or a team ball cap while dressed.

I too want to blend seamlessly into the female world and do not want to be thought of as a guy in a dress. And the only two CD's I have meet where definitely GUYS in a dress and really stood out.

So again, I realize that my very limited exposure to CD's is not worthy of an informed judgement. So I have simply related my experience nothing else.

[DizzyRose]

Okay...new question here, or maybe not so new:
What do transsexuals, and those who are actively involve with the process of transition think of crossdressers? Is this a loaded question or not?
Somehow I get the feeling that the respect for each other in some circles is not always mutual.

Personally, I have no issue with crossdressers. The only thing that is a minor pet peeve of mine, is that people can sometimes confuse the terms. Not that it's a huge problem, but I would imagine it being very uncomfortable if someone were to refer to me as a transvestite or crossdresser in front of others instead of transgender/transsexual.

[noeleena]

Hi,
Yes this ? can be a loaded one if taken out of the context of ,if the meaning is one group of people is better than another because they have had surgery , being trans ,

I was talking to a guy & his wife yesterday i have known for over 6 years ,

He is a male hard wired all male not even a tiny bit of female . now he did dress , not so much now because he has some details going on body wise & allso told me he is not as interested in wearing female clothes like he used to ,
so we talked about the dressing in the context of like a hobby , no problem . so this is not the problem ,

The difference comes with some who see them selfs as women & some have surgery . & some dont . no big deal .

What i see change is some , seem to think they are better because they had surgerys & are more female / or woman, this is then the can of worms.

Im not sure why this should be the case . or is it a ego trip going on or some thing like this ,

I have to be carefull here .
i did not dress in female clothes as many have & do ,
I am allso not a transexual , so why did i change if you like & really its not a change for me , as i have allways been both female & male i did not see a difference , what i did see was myself as a person who was different . just a mix of female & male . yet some would say i was a transsexual . it did not fit hence androgynous , it took me a very long time to see that ,

Now this guy knows what i am & knows what he is, we are both still human his wife does as well , he is a male , & because i live being a woman whats the problem . none that i can see,
Just because he like s female clothes some times & i wear them all the time who cares ,
Its not about one being better , its about being different , he can not do building or do many of the things i have & can do , he does other things that i dont do ,

Because i have had surgery to allow my body to be as close as to a woman does not stop me from accepting others who are differant from me . or the other way round .
The division i see is very distrutive with in our community & proberly more so than what i see with people out side of the community. this should not be the case yet i have seen it & have felt it & an other friend i have has been told not have any thing to do with those who are trans she is intersex, & shes a neat friend ,

So first hand i have seen those differences over the last 12 years ,

Now many if not most of my friends over in oz e are males who love dressing & i get on with them , even to the point of staying with some while i was over there .
So i dont have any concerns with them & they know im a woman & we are just friends & we talk on our chat room allmost evey night, our forum is TrannyRadio ,

Now heres a point many of them dress far better than i ever will & they look gorgeous, oh well what can i say ,,,,im just a woman ,
& its cool ,

...noeleena...

[Simply_Vanessa]

Heres my question.

at what point did you realize "maybe im not just a CDer afterall. I am a woman trapped in a mans body." ?

I am asking because I am starting to realize I am trans whether I like it or not...so I am looking for similar experiences to help guide my feelings :)

thank you.

[Karen564]

Heres my question.

at what point did you realize "maybe im not just a CDer afterall. I am a woman trapped in a mans body." ?

I am asking because I am starting to realize I am trans whether I like it or not...so I am looking for similar experiences to help guide my feelings :)

thank you.

I always felt like I was in the wrong body by the age of 5 or 6 for sure...but before that, I only knew something was wrong...just didn't know what it was..
Then over the early the years I just dressed thinking I was a CDer, because I never heard about transsexualism (Yeah, I was a sheltered child...lol)....then in the early 80's, after the apple computer & the internet came into every home, in the I learned about transsexuality from many resources describing the differences between a TS & CDer..and thats when I knew that I was definitely a transsexual...

So in reality, I always did know I was a TS based on how I felt inside, but wasn't educated early on to know why I felt that way or what it was called..

I was hoping I was just a CDer, but as my bad luck would have it, I was indeed as transsexual as they come...And I was Not very happy about it at all, although I did learn to accept & come to terms with it years later...

[AmandaM]

I have a question coming up, I swear.

"Group Three (G3) is composed of natal males who identify as female but who act and appear normally male."

Yup, that's me. With all the problems he describes. I remember playing with marbles when I was four. I had a group of female marbles who would take the male marbles and turn them into girls. Then they were all happy. I didn't know anything about TV/TS stuff then.

Since that time, I've hard a hard time being a guy. I have to force it. I feel like I should have been born a girl. I am extremely jealous of women every waking minute. I see them, get obsessed, and then get depressed. I think as a result, I developed generalized anxiety disorder and depression. Most of my friends are women. During sex, ahem, most of the time I prefer to be female. My fantasies are always crossgender. I feel desperate about it at times. I've snuck herbal hormones, drank too much, had "too much" sex to try to help or hinder these feelings. And to top it off, crossdressing seems like too much work a lot of the time! Go figure.

I just got a new doctor. A young woman. She talks to me, is nice, pretty, and very emphathetic. Yes, I'm jealous of her too. Anyway, my question is this. Sometimes doctors prescribe female hormones as a theraputic or diagnostic aid. I don't know if I can ever transition with my life the way it is with a wife and young kids. But, I could really use some relief. If I could get a low dose, maybe it'll relieve some of my depression?

Do you think I should talk to her about this? Do you think a low dose would help?

[Karen564]

Amanda,

Yes, I would definitely discuss this with your doctor, but I cant say what she will do for you if she feels it's not her specialty....so she may prescribe something for you, or she may give you a referral to see a psychiatrist to help you..

Good Luck..:hugs:

[luvSophia]

...Sometimes doctors prescribe female hormones as a theraputic or diagnostic aid. I don't know if I can ever transition with my life the way it is with a wife and young kids. But, I could really use some relief. If I could get a low dose, maybe it'll relieve some of my depression?..
Amanda - It sounds to me more like you need to talk with a therapist and sort out your feelings. Unless there is a physical indication for doing so most doctors are not going to prescribe cross-sex hormones on their own. Using HRT as a diagnostic aid is a possibility, but that generally is done as a confirmation of a diagnosis of GID.

[TNRobin]

Heres my question.

at what point did you realize "maybe im not just a CDer afterall. I am a woman trapped in a mans body." ?

I am asking because I am starting to realize I am trans whether I like it or not...so I am looking for similar experiences to help guide my feelings :)

thank you.

I'm in the "just a crossdresser" mode, at least right now, but I've been wondering the same thing. The more that I go out dressed the more that I need to be dressed, both in and out of the house.

I've been wondering the same thing, at what point in the spectrum of life am I in? A year ago I didn't think that I'd ever go out dressed, and then I went to SCC last year and had my first outing in front of a ton of people and really enjoyed just dressing, casual and otherwise. Six months ago I said that I hated shaving everything, but I'd never want to get any of it permanently removed and now I'm spending a fortune on laser hair removal for the entire upper 1/2 of my body and most especially my face and realizing that I'm going to need electrolysis for some parts and will go through with it. My eyebrows are magically thinner than they used to be and I pay a fortune to go to a salon and see a stylist to get my hair done, highlights and all.

I just wonder how far things will go and how quickly. My SO is very supportive, but concerned about the possibility that I'll go to a certain point and lose interest in her in regards to a relationship. I guess that I'm just taking things one step at a time and whenever I get to where I'm happy I'll know it. But I have decided that I need to see a therapist about all of this. My biggest concern isn't that I won't go far enough, but that I'll go too far and not be able to return.

All in all I've got to say that it's damn confusing!:doh:

So I'm not really sure what to ask; I just have too many questions running around in my mind and can't lend a voice to them.

[kellycan27]

Are any of you into dudes? It seems like 99% of the 'dealing with so' type posts here are about wives/female partners. For those who are into dudes (there has to be some!), dp you feel outnumbered here?

It's guys for me and, no I don't feel outnumbered at all. We all have our preferences....Remember it takes all kinds to make the world go round :heehee:

Kel

[Super Amanda]

Heres my question.

at what point did you realize "maybe im not just a CDer afterall. I am a woman trapped in a mans body." ?

I am asking because I am starting to realize I am trans whether I like it or not...so I am looking for similar experiences to help guide my feelings :)

thank you.


I know you asked a while back, but I'd like to tell you when I realized I was transsexual. Unfortunately I'm a windbag and the answer is complex, for me anyway! :) I hope it helps you though!

It was not a single event, but more like a Keyser Soze moment where all the little things made me realize.

I never fixated on a piece of clothes, like heels or hose. I like almost all women's clothes equally.

I always kept taking the dressing further, to try to look more convincing. I wondered when I would be satisfied. What was enough? To look totally like a woman? Why? These questions became very consuming to me, and it got to a point that it was all I could think about.

I had thought that enough shapers, and control tops and shapely jeans could create the illusion, and they can, but to do that every day? Always?
When I had all of that stuff on, bird seed boobs, taped chest and all, I liked what I saw in the mirror, but physically I felt fake, and uncomfortable as hell!

It made me depressed to think that I had to go through such great lengths to look female, and "GG's" could throw on a wife-beater and boxers and still look like a woman.

In summary, none of these thing on their own mean a whole lot, it took me to put all of these things together to realize that I'm more than a casual crossdresser. That and tons of research on transsexuals on the Internet. Once I heard so many stories like my own, and saw transitioned women who were not only living full time and happy, but beautiful also, I knew in my heart that my future was as a woman, it had to.

It took about two more years of building courage to come out to everyone and begin actual transition.

Now I'm about a month full time, and I just cannot tell you how complete and happy and full I am! :)

[Faith_G]

Now I'm about a month full time, and I just cannot tell you how complete and happy and full I am! :)And beautiful also. :happy:

[Super Amanda]

And beautiful also. :happy:

Awwww :o Thanks sweetie!

[TNRobin]

Awwww :o Thanks sweetie!

I'll second that. Both you and Faith look wonderful. I just wish that one day I reach that point.

And by the way...any diet tips would be GREATLY appreciated. How do you develop a feminine body?

[Super Amanda]

I'll second that. Both you and Faith look wonderful. I just wish that one day I reach that point.

And by the way...any diet tips would be GREATLY appreciated. How do you develop a feminine body?

Since starting hormones around 8 months ago, I have barely began to notice a slight, and I mean slight shift in fat distribution and reduced upper body muscle mass. I'm actually starting to like my body shape for the first time ever.:daydreaming:

But what helps me more is that I sometimes use body shapers like Spanx. Admittedly since going full time, having layers of shapers under everything else makes me too uncomfortable, so I usually give up the extra curves for comfort. I even stopped using the Chic Shaper because, well dang it hurts to wear that thing for 12 plus hours! I'll use them for shorter periods, like out to the movies.

As far as diet, I am not the one to ask about that. my weight rubber-bands if I don't watch what I eat, so I'm cutting out all drinks except 100 percent juice and water, and trying to limit portions when I eat, and that is working so far.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Heres my question.

at what point did you realize "maybe im not just a CDer afterall. I am a woman trapped in a mans body." ?

I am asking because I am starting to realize I am trans whether I like it or not...so I am looking for similar experiences to help guide my feelings :)

thank you.

Hiya! Lots of answers...my answer is that i knew something was going on from very early childhood, but didnt think of myself as a woman...i constantly obsessed about becoming a woman and wishing i was and wondering why not...but i never allowed myself the thought..

so i think there is alot of confusion we all have as we grow up and we all cope differently, including sometimes repressing it...

very few t-women i know say they didnt have any idea as little kids..most say they knew "something" or they just knew they were girls...its figuring out that "something" that drove me crazy for many years..

another "tell" is how you feel around guys...i had a very strong disconnect with all my guy friends, and i always felt like i was just watching them and pretending...at first i found it rewarding and easy but over many years this got very depressing...

[pamela_a]

Heres my question.

at what point did you realize "maybe im not just a CDer afterall. I am a woman trapped in a mans body." ?


I knew most of my life something was wrong, I could never figure out exactly what it was. Given how and where I was raised you didn't question anything like that either.
It wasn't until I stumbled onto a site about crossdressing that I realized that 1. there was a name for what I did and 2. that I wasn't alone. Fast forward more time and I begin to realize it's more than that. I'm dressing nearly full time and it's better but I'm still not right.

After more research, talking to people and finally being honest with myself I begin to understand that I'm a woman, I'm not "trapped" anywhere, I have a birth defect that I'm working on getting corrected.

[Allyson Michelle]

I have a question about knowing weather or not you are TG.

you can find it already the start of a thread here:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=135129

[ReineD]

I'm posting this a Loved Ones Mod, as well as a member, since maybe I've got it all wrong. I'm in serious need of education if my logic is flawed or my knowledge is lacking.

Sometimes people go into the non TS sections and ask what to do about wives and taking hormones. My first question is to ask if they are TS, and if so, then be up front with their wives so they can both make the best possible decisions for themselves.

But then I encounter people who aren't sure if they are TS yet or not, and they're seeing therapists who suggest taking hormones just to try them out and see? :eek: Then other members come in and echo the sentiment! :eek: And they're not thinking about SRS, which to me means they don't want to transition.

I don't know, maybe taking hormones as a way to partially feminize is de rigueur now for people who aren't quite sure if they want to transition or not, but honestly I always thought this was a big no-no. I know I'm not a doctor, but as a mod it's hard for me to read these potentially ill-advised posts and implicitely condone these actions through my silence, if it is indeed bad medical or psychological advice.

I just wonder, since most of you who are transitioning are (hopefully?) seeing doctors, if you know what the feeling is among the medical and psychiatric community about prescribing hormones just to *try and see*. Is this a trend that is becoming solid medical practice, or are the people posting these things engaging in wishful thinking?

I think I will move this particular thread here since it is becoming about the decision to take hormones or not, but I'd love your insights for other posts like this in the future.

Thanks!

PS. The danger as I see it is to have newer, perhaps younger CDs, perhaps in a pink fog, reading the posts about significantly altering their bodies without making sure of their true gender identity first, or without making the decision to transition, and thinking that it is a good idea. Not that it's not OK to take hormones, but to just take them to *try it and see*?

[Faith_G]

There are some doctors who will prescribe HRT on demand, their thinking is that doing so prevents self-medication and all its risks.

Some therapists also will use hormones as a sort of diagnostic tool - if the client likes the emotional effects, then the client is likely to be TS. There's not much risk in this, since physical changes happen much slower than emotional ones. A month of HRT will tell a person if the emotional changes are desirable, and no serious physical effects will have occurred in that time.

[christiek]

There are some doctors who will prescribe HRT on demand, their thinking is that doing so prevents self-medication and all its risks.

Some therapists also will use hormones as a sort of diagnostic tool - if the client likes the emotional effects, then the client is likely to be TS. There's not much risk in this, since physical changes happen much slower than emotional ones. A month of HRT will tell a person if the emotional changes are desirable, and no serious physical effects will have occurred in that time.

I agree with everything except the one month thing. Not that I think they should or shouldn't be doing this, and I myself am not a doctor either. Not that this is like any other medication but with most it takes at very least a month to see any change at all let alone given enough time to notice how you feel after taking them for a bit.

Should it be done? Not always. I think it should depend on the person. If its someone that flat out doesn't know then maybe time should tell rather than rushing into it. If it is someone that is already certain (as was my case) then its understandable and I got put on them for 6 months before she decided it was a good idea to keep me on them.

As far as self-medicating is concerned I think that it is more of an issue of education rather than just going ahead and putting them on them to see. If my doctor had told me to wait (which I had no choice I had to wait 3 years, and when I turned 18 started right away) In my case I would have and did self medicate with my grandmothers hormone patches. Also when I was put on them at 18 my doctor only gave me a 6 month prescription to see how I would react. I also didnt know half of the risks at the time and what little I did know wasnt enough to stop me.
Not that self medicating is right to do by any means. I am still glad I did it. It very well could be the reason I pass so well without effort now (physically). My dad and most of the rest of my family didn't agree at all at the time. Education and communication is the key! Maybe if they had known then that I was going take this road one way or another Id have been allowed to actually start hormones while I was still going thru puberty. Also there are a number of doctors out there that aren't actually meant to do this sort of thing but are trained to notice signs (which was the case with my doctor as well) and they are supposed to refer you to the right person not jump into it.
We all have to do what is right for ourselves. Sometimes things happen that we would rather not but that is part of making choices in general. Just be sure you are educated as much as possible before you make the choice and communicate with those that are around you, that this will affect, the ones that you love. Make a plan and try your best to stick with it. I cant say that in the end things will work out perfectly but they will work out to a great extent. Follow your heart, hold your head high, and be ashamed of nothing! Its your life! Be proud of it.

[Inna]

It is a matter of an equation. On one hand psychological stability on the other physical well being. It is known that supervised hormone use is becoming quite safe however, like with any drug side effects complications can occur. Every human body is unique within its self due to infinite combination of DNA, genes and hereditary predisposition.
Prescribing hormone regimen to a suspected transgender patient is a first step in determining his psychological core. Under such regimen, patients sexual drive and focus are diminished therefore eliminating fetishistic fixation. If after course of several months one retains feelings of femininity and disconnect from male body then diagnosis becomes that much clearer. This is not an ultimate tool but a mere getting one step closer to true self. Short hormone use and mental/physical modification is reversible. In some cases, although rare, depletion of reproductive characteristics may remain a factor therefore patient should understand its implications.
Different age groups react differently to hormonal stimulation. Teen-22 is very receptive, and so prescribing HRT should be only in positively identified individual. 23-30years old changes are going to occur much slower with diminished result, 31-on slower yet. Almost any one over 30 can undergo 6 month regimen with reversible effects providing correct dosage. All this information was gathered in a period of 10 years( all this information is now available in an instant via internet) I have struggled to understand and this was the only way I could see the light at the end of a tunnel. I bring my story to this because I was at the other end of the barrel staring at the abyss, ready to commit my soul to eternity.
Hormones have clarified my mind and provided me with vision of road ahead. I am experiencing life like I have never experienced it before, since HRT I have come to terms with this condition and made peace, came out to my sister and mother, I am truly happy now on the way to real ME. Hormones are a 21st centuries Aspirin for trans community, they do save lives, I know, I am alive!

[Veronica_Jean]

Reine,

Your concern is in the right place and I think the others have covered this fairly well. I think it does not hurt to reinforce the concept that HRT is a serious step, not to be taken lightly.

Personally, simply sitting down to layout a potential schedule of events for planning purposes that hit me hard. It was the jolt of reality that there was a relatively short amount of time possible to move through transition.

We are all individuals, and if a qualified professional is involved, then likely it is a reasonable step designed to help. Unfortunately from time to time there is someone that is so caught up in the pink fog that no amount of reason, shock, or anything else will stop them, and those are the ones that have regret in the end. I share your concern but don't know how to stop someone that deep into the fantasy that is oblivious to the reality of everyday female life.

Thanks for asking!

Veronica

[Angel.Marie76]

As with anything to to with TG/TS feelings, nearly everything is 'to each their own.' However, the ideas of arbitrarily prescribing hormones as a method of diagnostic effort seems, well, like you're forcing the hand in a particular direction without necessarily knowing which decision is best.

I want to comment specifically on something Alexia mentioned about how a 6Mo run of HRT wouldn't necessarily have [side] effects that would be noticeable, esp. after 30. Yes, I realize the statement was a generalization, however I am a prime example of someone in their early 30's, and in 3 biweekly injections (that would equate to a little over a month's time) started to notice breast tenderness and bodily adjustments. Further, my 'hardware' almost within a week of taking Spiro, stopped working in general... no more morning wood, uncontrolled erections, etc. All together, that's in 1 month's time. Emotional reactivity, interestingly enough, didn't really start kicking in until about my 5th shot (two months).

I was talking to a another friend recently, and she was saying how she was terrified to start taking Spiro because she had heard that even short term permanent effects on the 'hardware' could be, like was said, not only sterilizing, but E.D. She said she had contemplated just taking estro without the spiro just to see if she would start feeling more content without the excessive effects / risks. She is, by her own admission, somewhere in her late 50's - early 60's. Personally I can't speak for reactiveness in the body for anyone else, but I have read, in agreement also with some of the above, that the older a person is, the less reactions the body will experience regardless of the regimen. Again, for me, with 8 shots now past, I have nearly an A-B cup, and have started noting other overall natural changes to my body (skin reactivity, emotional sensitivity, etc.).

The problems I see, however, being my own devil's advocate, is that: 'Is there a reasonably sound way to evaluate the patient in question to match their own needs within the timelines that perhaps the patient themselves is/are trying to set?'

I have heard about some TG/TS people who have talked about basically running to a therapist / psych specifically and with no other purpose than to get their HRT letter and then move on. If there is no previously existent analysis on the books for this person, is that a sound thing for a therapist to do? Unfortunately, some just sigh with a shrug of their shoulders and start typing away (rhetorically speaking). I think that more advancements are needed, and more control should be executed (with positive outcomes intended) so as to best make the right decisions, in the views of the Endo, councilor, and patient. Heck, when I went to my Endo the very first time, during the initial interview, she was asking me more questions than I think my therapist did in multiple sittings. I really felt like, in the end, that the doctor themselves needed to feel comfortable about prescribing HRT to me.. that it would be a good decision for both themself and I.

All this together seems like a complete equation that should result in a SUM, though due to the variables, may not necessarily be the answer that any one person was trying for.

[Rianna Humble]

How do you get your brain hard wired, so no switching back an forth?

For me it wasn't so much a question of "getting my brain hard wired" as accepting that my previous existence was a sham.

I am still very early in my transition, but I am not aware of going back and forth. It may help that a lot of GG's used to look on me as a big sister when I was pretending not to be TG.


Is it true that alcohol helps you stay male (in the brain)?

I sometimes drink alcoholic beverages, bit I don't think that has ever made me into a man.


What can we do to change the Standards of Care to fit the changing times?

My only complaint is that it is still classed as a psychiatric disorder rather than a birth defect.


Why is the suicide rate for the T community so horribly high?

Pass


Why did my bell go off so late in life?

Guess you were perhaps a bit like me and got too good at hiding from yourself


Even though you knew you were on the right road, did you find the whole idea of possible transitioning scary?

I used to be scared of transition until I got scared at the thought of living the rest of my life as a sham


Okay....this question was asked of us by an MtF, so I will ask it the other way....When you think of FtM's, do you find it hard to imagine why we need/want to be men?

I'm sorry, I don't understand prejudice. I know I have a birth defect which made me grow up in the wrong body, why should I not understand that this can be true for an FtM?

Am I crazy, or did I not understand the question?


But then I encounter people who aren't sure if they are TS yet or not, and they're seeing therapists who suggest taking hormones just to try them out and see? :eek: Then other members come in and echo the sentiment! :eek: And they're not thinking about SRS, which to me means they don't want to transition.

I think that last sentence is a common misconception, one of the reasons why WPATH recommends a Real Life Experience is to make sure whether transition is right for someone with Gender Dysphoria and if it is then how far that person should go. SRS probably is the Holy Grail for a large proportion of TS, but it is by no means a determinant in whether to transition or not. Before you can even be considered for SRS you need to have been in transition for at least a year (2 if you are doing it on the NHS in the UK).

I know that for me, the decision about SRS is at least 2 years away, yet I am full time as a woman. If I applied the logic in Reine's last sentence above, I would "not want to transition" for another 2 years.

This is not intended as a put down for a genuine question, rather as an illustration of why SRS should not be used as the criteria.


The danger as I see it is to have newer, perhaps younger CDs, perhaps in a pink fog, reading the posts about significantly altering their bodies without making sure of their true gender identity first, or without making the decision to transition, and thinking that it is a good idea. Not that it's not OK to take hormones, but to just take them to *try it and see*?

I have to support Reine's position here. I would not want to encourage anyone to alter their body and mind just on a "try it and see" basis. I would always encourage anyone who is considering hormones to get both proper medical advice and counselling.

As a matter of personal opinion, if someone is not sure of their true gender identity and a counsellor suggests they should try hormones as a way of finding out, then I would recommend them to run like the clappers and find a better counsellor.

Hormones don't just affect your body, they alter the mind too. This is great if you are taking hormones for transition, but not if you are not sure that you are TS.

[Hope]

I'm posting this a Loved Ones Mod, as well as a member, since maybe I've got it all wrong. I'm in serious need of education if my logic is flawed or my knowledge is lacking.

Sometimes people go into the non TS sections and ask what to do about wives and taking hormones. My first question is to ask if they are TS, and if so, then be up front with their wives so they can both make the best possible decisions for themselves.

But then I encounter people who aren't sure if they are TS yet or not, and they're seeing therapists who suggest taking hormones just to try them out and see? :eek: Then other members come in and echo the sentiment! :eek: And they're not thinking about SRS, which to me means they don't want to transition.

I'm going to avoid all of the hormone discussion - and just point out that a lot of people who transition never have any sort of surgery, (for a variety of reasons) particularly the FTM folks, but lots of MTF folks as well.

Surgical status should never be used as a test of gender or trans-ness.

[BreenaDion]

I will shortly give the answers to my first 5 question I just have trouble with the last one. I know the answer to well but I want to explore more in detail with my Clinial Psychologist first. It also is attached to another question.

Im doing much better ty , also guided imagery is also helpful.

Bree

[ReineD]

Thanks for all your responses! :hugs:

When I was typing my post up there, I was somewhat shocked to find out there are members in the medical field who prescribe hormones on a 'try it and see' basis, and I posted too quickly without properly choosing my words.

I do know that surgery is not what decides whether someone has transitioned or not, and I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart if I offended anyone. :sad: One of my comments was not PC and I do apologize. :hugs:

[Rianna Humble]

did any of you MtF's ever have doubts about whether or not you truely are a transexual?

I can't say I really had doubts - I tried to fight it for a long time as you would see from my posting history here, but deep down I have always known


If so how did you deal with those doubts, and what made you finally come to the realization?

Although not exactly your question, what made me realise that I had to accept who I am and do something about it was a combination of severe depression about my gender, then later a feeling of sickness every time I had to dress as a man.


Was therapy the only way to reach that answer?

I am sure that therapy is (will be in my case) very helpful and would encourage anyone who has any thoughts about transition to seek professional help.


How far do you need to go to feel comfortable with yourself?

I am only at the start of my transition, but I think I need to go all the way - time will tell


Are you doing this in order to be accepted by society? Or yourself?

If I had wanted to be accepted by society, I could have remained a prominent local politician and not have exposed myself to ridicule in a national scandal rag by allowing my story to become public knowledge.

Trouble is, I cannot accept the old me.


Realizing that (short of an act of god) no matter what you change about yourself, you will never really be a woman. Can you be content with that reality?

If by never really being a woman you mean that I will never have the joy of child bearing, then this is something that I mourn. On the other hand, I do not accept that I am not really a woman.


Do you ever miss the thrill you had when you used to cross-dress now that it's how you dress 100% of the time?

As others have already said, for me the "thrill" was being able to be myself for a short time. Do I miss being myself for short periods, now that I can be myself all the time? I don't think so.


If society totally accepted people from all through the gender and sexuality spectra, rather than just the predominantly female or male points on each spectrum, would you feel the need to transition?

Maybe I didn't understand the question. Who "society" accepts or does not accept has no bearing on my need to align my body with my true gender.


What do transsexuals, and those who are actively involve with the process of transition think of crossdressers?

I don't have a clue what transsexuals think of cross-dressers. I know what this transsexual thinks of cross-dressers. First and foremost they are human beings and therefore deserve my respect and understanding. Secondly they are transgendered - perhaps in a different manner to me, but nonetheless, that means we have something in common. Thirdly, I think that there is much more that unites us than there is which divides us and I just wish we could all concentrate on what unites us.

I don't know if I am simple or what, but I don't think I should judge the way that another TG presents without knowing why they are presenting in that way. I am saddened when I read condemnation in these forums of an unknown TG because the writer feels they should "dress better" or behave in some specific way that they do not without knowing what is going on in the unknown TG's life.

[Hope]

As a matter of personal opinion, if someone is not sure of their true gender identity and a counsellor suggests they should try hormones as a way of finding out, then I would recommend them to run like the clappers and find a better counsellor.

Hormones don't just affect your body, they alter the mind too. This is great if you are taking hormones for transition, but not if you are not sure that you are TS.

Not to be contrary, but I think the reason so many well educated and experienced practitioners make the suggestion that one experiment with hormones as a way of confirming a diagnosis is exactly because the hormones do effect one's mind. If it is an improper diagnosis, the effects would be unwanted and unpleasant... or...

[BreenaDion]

Contray to poular belief I am just now finding my own answers to my five questions. Its daunting to say the least but I am making strides in self discovery and awareness of PTSD that I am in treatment for. YES girls I found a very useful an creditable use of alcohol but and I mean but its use is not recommended unless you have the ability to foresee its use correctly. That I will explain later. The last question is the hardest to answer and it took me to unravel my own core of who I am to even start to grasp the essense of my dilemma.

I suffered PTSD as a 4 year old baby from the hands of my heinous mother . Which in this occurrence my brain use the freeze response to save myself, which the fight or flight reponse wasnt an option.

In all tense an purpose I was a male with the total use of my Left hemisphere 18 months ago . Mind blowing to say the least(lack of better adjectives) I have to endore An Awakening to suffer an I mean suffer Transsexualism or Die. I was a MAN! Now I have to become a Woman? Or Die. Yes its that bad totally. I have strenght I have found through my depression. That too I am understanding as I move into my journey of WHO I AM.

Like to thank you all for trying to help me with my Quest. You tried but not totally in vain.

Bree.

[karen1562]

Since I'm new, I'm hoping that this isn't the wrong forum to post this question. If so, please forgive me.

I have been on hormones now for several months. I started November 20, last year, but the dosage was slowly increased to my current level, which started in early February. My doctor uses Ethinyl Estradiol, which is compounded. That's it. I've read that others take spiro, and other stuff, I've heard of others that take patches, and others that take injections. I'm just curious to know if the method truly does have an effect on development? I know that a large part of the development is genetic, but I still wonder if I'm missing out by not taking my medication via another method. I'd asked my endocrinologist about other methods and he simply laughed them off saying it wasn't necessary. He's been treating transgendered patients for almost 40 years now, and most of the TS folks I know go to him, so there's something to be said for his knowledge. I'm just looking for a kind of public opinion poll I suppose.

[CharleneT]

My reply is to two things: the original Q from Reine and the last message from Karen1562

Reine: I think it is unethical to give out HRT to "take a shot and see what happens". Many of the affects can be lasting, if not permanent, and they just do not know how long it takes before that tipping point is reached. In the past there was a belief that giving HRT to a person who wasn't TS would send 'em into a depression and function as a "signal that this was the wrong route". I personally know two different Post-Op TS folks who got all the way past SRS before they realized that they were not really TS, nor did they actually want their surgery !! I believe that many of the "calming" affects of HRT are fairly universal; it will work on most anyone, regardless of whether they have GID. This could mask a mistake pretty easily.

Karen1562, I'm not a doc, but I will say that in my personal research on HRT I never heard or read a good word about the use of EE in HRT regimes for MTF TS folks. Although used for birth control relatively safely, the doses needed for feminization are way into the danger zone for that drug. I have read in plenty of places that EE is specifically thought of as a very bad idea for transitioning TS patients. EV etc have many advantages. Just for starters, the patch route, or IM, both skip the first pass thru the liver and therefore are much safer than any oral estrogen prep. Your endo has been treating TS folks for 40 years but may not be keeping up with current research and thought about the use of estrogen in MTF patients. Again - I'm not a doc - but I would recommend a second opinion.

[Angel.Marie76]

Karen1562, I'm not a doc, but I will say that in my personal research on HRT I never heard or read a good word about the use of EE in HRT regimes for MTF TS folks. Although used for birth control relatively safely, the doses needed for feminization are way into the danger zone for that drug. I have read in plenty of places that EE is specifically thought of as a very bad idea for transitioning TS patients. EV etc have many advantages. Just for starters, the patch route, or IM, both skip the first pass through the liver and therefore are much safer than any oral estrogen prep. Your endo has been treating TS folks for 40 years but may not be keeping up with current research and thought about the use of estrogen in MTF patients. Again - I'm not a doc - but I would recommend a second opinion.

I was told by my Endo when I was first deciding on which approach I wanted for HRT: If I wanted to start HRT, but was extremely nervous about it's impending effects, that I should go with the oral doses. Same goes for the patches if I didn't like swallowing pills every day (though that's a bit of a silly statement, considering if you start on HRT, they generally like you to be taking a multivitamin, and sometimes other supplements for 'optimal health'). Now, I've heard degrees of health concerns with all forms of HRT, but what Charlene mentioned about saving the liver with excess trips seems to be a very reasonable concern.

Now, considering I was well in acceptance of the fact that I wanted to transition, and that I could basically regurgitate verbatim much of the material I've read and heard about from all my research from doctors and so forth, she felt that I was reasonably prepared for the effects of the hormones. At that point she said simply: 'I need to know if you're afraid of needles first, and then second, would you rather take things slow, or get the best effects/results as soon as possible?' I told her that I was a little afraid of needles, but I would rather have better effects sooner than later. With my age in the 30-range, the sooner I stop my hair loss and begin body-altering changes, the happier I would be. Her response: 'Ehh, you'll get over the needle thing, every one does. If you really want this, stick with the injections.' Stick it indeed!

As far as fears of effects and such, one would hope that your Endo is up-to-par with their analysis of proper blood work, and isn't just arbitrarily prescribing meds without proper supervision. For these first 6 months now I've been going back every two months for review of my blood work, BP, etc, and she's been adjusting my dosages as she and I see fit.

It's to each their own for their own choices of HRT intake, and of course, each person's body will generally react differently, so, for some, I've heard that they're allergic to the patches, or the pill causes them distress.. however, if you seriously can't handle the idea of injecting yourself consistently and safely, stick with the pills or patches if they agree with you.

my .02$ :-)

[Kaitlyn Michele]

There are no absolutes (thnk goodness there are absolut's tho!)...

cancer patients and doctors argue whether to treat prostate cancer agressively. medical practioners completely and totally disagree on many common medical practices..."Vaccinations???"
in fact thats a great example because it has similarities to our hrt discussion..

should i vaccinate or not??? it crazy all the different info out there... personally??
i don't vaccinate...and i accept the alternative which is that i may be taking a risk of flu or some other disease.

on my transness i have accepted and started dealing with my transness..i'm delighted i did...nothing will ever change that...i've taken major physical emotional (and other) risksl... i take meds, i had surgeries...
i hope and hope every day that i dont suffer a bad consequence...aestetically? i hope it looks good... emotionally? i hope the feelings i have are the same as any other woman (i'll never really know for sure), and physically i hope for good health and i do everything i can to maintain my health within the confines of my terrible will power skills and my built for leisure personality....wanting to reduce risks even further by avoiding HRT or surgery is a totally valid choice too...as is not transitioning at all

some day i may get a cancer or another malady BECAUSE i did all this..it might even be reasonably likeley....but i considered the alternative...which was to NOT DO IT....and i made my choice...

and that's what WE ALL DO EVERY SINGLE TIME...some choices you can go back on...starting HRT is one of them...its not a definite that it will adversely impact your mind if you are "NOT TS"...it may relieve anxiety in a testosterone laden female brain...it makes sense and its anecdotally true...but i don't know that its a medically proven fact, and as i said, medically proven "Facts" are not really facts at all sometimes...

so you take your money, you place your bets... you may win or lose, and bad things happen to good people...it sucks

but for ts people and their loved ones, it sucks that our entire life basically revolves around this major major risk with unpredictable and expensive outcomes...

i think all this stuff about HRT and when to start and which one to use is a debate with no final answers...but its important to put ALL the info out there so people can make their own decisions for better or worse..

[Bandabe]

I have a friend MTF who I believe is realizing themselves and can't fight it anymore. I'm getting pushed away because she needs to figure it out by herself. We are very open and honest with each other more than anyone. She said she likes talking to me about things and i can feel her frustration. Whats the best advice you could give me to help support her? Would you rather be alone in the process or have someone?

[noeleena]

Hi

A point i would raise is, so heres some h r t have ago & if your a person who may be ??? a woman youll know , if & when they work after 4 weeks , so whats the dose rate enough to kill you . h r t does not work in a month try 6 months at the very least to a year. then youll have some thing to say if there are any changes , oh no talking about blood tests the Pychs dont do that thats for the endos & they can advise far better .

So if its a try out then i ?? the person giving out meds . & now we have a lot more regreting ever going on meds & later having s r s. i wonder why & then the court cases after. hmmm ..

I know what its like im not saying it s the same for every one we take meds for life not a few weeks then off ,
So now it seems like you need to have a mind change to tell if your a female , thats new or is it a new fashon statment .

I may be a bit flipint here . tho im trying not to be its just to serious for me to think oh take a pill if it works oh goode if not oh well ....

im a woman i need the h r t its not for fun no way its to keep my body in a state of healh with out those meds .......iv been on them for 6 years .


.

Bandabe. we ALL need help not told what to do.. help in knowing whats right for each of us.
If ...WE....dont know what or who we are how do others .

...noeleena...

[PortiaHoney]

I have a friend MTF who I believe is realizing themselves and can't fight it anymore. I'm getting pushed away because she needs to figure it out by herself. We are very open and honest with each other more than anyone. She said she likes talking to me about things and i can feel her frustration. Whats the best advice you could give me to help support her? Would you rather be alone in the process or have someone?

This is a difficult one. I was glad to have my privacy, but it was also reassuring to have a confidant who wasn't judgemental. There are enough people to tell you that you are a bit weird, but most just are taken a bit aback by the whole gender thing. One danger is having too many people around telling you that you are doing a great job and this is what you are meant to be. I know that might sound a bit strange, but too much encouragement is as dangerous as not enough. You can end up feeling obligated to go through with it despite any underlying self doubts you may be hiding.

Just let her know you are her friend, that you won't judge her, and that you will always be available to talk to. Support her, but don't cajole her. Whether she tells you what she needs to hear or indicates it by other means (body language and behaviour patterns are dead give aways). Most of all, please don't ridicule her or tell her she is doing the wrong thing. She will find out by herself whether this is how she is meant to be given space and time to experiment and explore. A lot of the time, the person who is asking the hardest questions is the person travelling the journey. If you don't ask yourself these questions and answer them honestly, then it really is going to be a difficult journey and possibly wasted.

[Melody Moore]

I have a friend MTF who I believe is realizing themselves and can't fight it anymore. I'm getting pushed away because she needs to figure it out by herself. We are very open and honest with each other more than anyone. She said she likes talking to me about things and i can feel her frustration. Whats the best advice you could give me to help support her? Would you rather be alone in the process or have someone?
Only your friend can figure this out on her own or with the help of a professional therapist if he needs it - the best thing you can do is just let her know that you will always be there as her friend. Don't bring up the subject with her, but if she brings anything up with you, then that is fine. But limit your support to only helping her find the answers she is looking for and dont go beyond that or she might feel that you are pressuring her & may push you away.

[Rianna Humble]

Like Melody and Portia, I think the best thing that you can do to support her is to let her know that you are there for her. As they have said, don't try to bring the subject up, but please do be prepared to listen and if needed be a shoulder to cry upon.

Your friend needs spaec to figure out who she really is, but she will also need a friend who is "just there".

As to your last question, I would definitely want someone to be there for me, but I might not always want her to be talking about it.

[gaylegirlify]

Does body hair disappear with HRT or do you need to have it removed.

[Faith_G]

Most report that it thins out a lot, but does not totally disappear. All women have some body hair, but it tends to be fine light colored hair that does not show. However, many women have noticeable body hair especially on the arms and legs. What you will need to do depends on the amount of body hair you have and the amount of body hair you are willing to tolerate. Hormones alone might thin out your body hair enough that you are comfortable with it, or you might need hair removal to be satisfied. It all depends on how hairy you were to start and how hairy you can stand being. :)

[Melody Moore]

Does body hair disappear with HRT or do you need to have it removed.
Just add to what Faith just said... Using an Epilator or Waxing will help the process to thin it out & make
the hairs grow back lighter if you are on Hormone Therapy, but won't remove it completely. I use an Epilator
regularly as opposed to waxing because of the cost. It hurts like hell the first couple of times but you do
get use to it. This is far better than shaving because it also takes a lot longer for the hairs to grow back.

[Kokoro]

I am curious as well now. Do you refer to hair that would normally grow noticeably on a woman (legs, arms and under-arms) or all types of body hair (such as thick, coarse back/shoulder hair)? I was under the impression that following HRT non-'usual' female hair spots (such as the back/shoulders) would eventually recede back to short, downy hair given enough time.

[Melody Moore]

I am curious as well now. Do you refer to hair that would normally grow noticeably on a woman (legs, arms and under-arms) or all types of body hair (such as thick, coarse back/shoulder hair)? I was under the impression that following HRT non-'usual' female hair spots (such as the back/shoulders) would eventually recede back to short, downy hair given enough time.Yes but I understand that epilation & waxing helps the process because each time the hair is pulled the sac which the hair follicle grows out of shrinks, thus decreasing the size of the hair follicle making it finer & lighter. I have noticed this is the case with me after just 4 months of being on hormones, the hairs on my arms legs & chest are almost invisible.

[lizlizzie]

BACKGROUND: My spouse came out 2 years ago. The way she described it to me was that she was a woman in a man's body and that since she still loved and desired me, she was a lesbian woman. It's been a long 2 years, she moved out, I learned acceptance because I love my spouse. She lost her job in June. She has been on HRT for a year which she started during one of our breakups when she thought I had filed for divorce (and I hadn't). She has been living fulltime as a woman since she lost her job as an electrician.

ISSUE: Prior to losing her job we did discuss my boundaries and SRS was something I could not live with. I also told her if it was something she had to do, I understood, but then she needed to let me go, but I would still be her friend. She said she could accept not having SRS, economically it was unfeasible also for her. She also is a big believer that gender variant is a better terminology, if that gives anyone additional insight.

QUESTION: Do you think it is possible to be TS and accept that you will never have SRS in order to keep your marriage intact or is it something that she is likely to feel was forced on her and will come to resent or change her mind about in the future? I know you can't speak for her, but based on your experiences, I would appreciate input so that I can be realistic about our future. Thank you.

[Faith_G]

Personally, I would resent it. But (speaking here for trans people in general, not just trans women) our attitudes towards our genitals vary a lot. Some women really are OK with having a penis. Because you have threatened to leave, I think observing how she deals with her penis will be more revealing than what she says. If she doesn't want any attention paid to it during sex, won't use it for penetration, and keeps it tucked nearly all the time then her actions don't match her words. If she still wants you to play with it and lets it dangle under her skirt, chances are she really is comfortable with it.

[Melody Moore]

QUESTION: Do you think it is possible to be TS and accept that you will never have SRS in order to keep your marriage intact or is it something that she is likely to feel was forced on her and will come to resent or change her mind about in the future? I know you can't speak for her, but based on your experiences, I would appreciate input so that I can be realistic about our future. Thank you.
I have to agree with what Faith said... personally I would resent it, but some
others are fine having it. It depends on how comfortable they are with it. SRS
is important to me because what I have doesn't look right & doesn't feel right.

Faith gave you some clues that might help you understand what is really going on, if her actions
don't match her words then she is more than likely making a huge compromise in fear of losing you.

It's a pity you have been so closed minded about how you will feel if she had SRS. Because
SRS does not change the person she is inside. When you discussed your boundaries it sounds
to me like you set your boundaries in stone. What could be wrong with allowing them to be fluid
& exploring them a little more with someone you are meant to love? The chances are very high
that your partner made a compromise with you in order to save your marriage by saying that she
could accept not having SRS. If this was her reasoning, then she obviously cares a lot about you.

If you can accept living with her as a pre-op TS, I find it awkward to try to rationalise why you can't accept
it if she had SRS. She has always been a woman, so what does really make this so hard for you to accept?

I just hope you give it a lot of thought before you decide on bailing out if your partner is hiding some truth.

:hugs:

[Kelly Blaine]

Why is transgender considered only MTF? I think all of us,if it be MTF or FTM should really support our transgender mission. We are all special and should continue to fight for are rights. Gay, Transgender, Transexual or what we are called.

[lizlizzie]

Melody - Considering after 10 years of marriage, I discovered the situation, and that she wasn't honest with me, and that she left me believing she had to go through this on her own rather than going through this together, the things I have accepted are not indicative of a close-minded person. I haven't threatened to leave her, I have provided her the courtesy of knowing my feelings so that she can make informed choices about the future. We all have boundaries in life and expressing my needs is my right as much as it is hers. As a result of this situation, I have lost my family, my children, and financial security in supporting her. I have actually encouraged her in a lot of things, such as going back to school so that she can work in a career she enjoys rather than the electrician she always was, giving up a union job with excellant benefits. (And yes, I have always worked as well and our incomes were comparable.) A relationship is a two-way street. If my boundaries were set in stone, then our marriage would have ended 2 years ago. So stating it's a pity that I am so closed minded is offensive, as I have accepted everything else. Compromise by nature of its definition is not one person giving up everything.

Faith, I thank you for your response as that does give me definite insight. She tucks when she is wearing clothes (but sleeps naked). She does still want me to play wth her penis and does engage in penetration. So this appears to be a situation where her actions do match her words.

[ReineD]

The chances are very high
that your partner made a compromise with you in order to save your marriage by saying that she
could accept not having SRS.

Melody, I know this isn't the right place to debate this, but it is important to say and I'll keep it short.

I understand that this is the way you feel, but you don't know Lizzie's spouse and I'm sorry, but no one here can say for sure whether chances are high or low that she will feel a certain way. You even agreed with Faith that TSs react differently to their genitals. How do you know that Lizzie's spouse doesn't enjoy sex a certain way with Lizzie? I'm just mentioning this here in an attempt to try to keep the answers objective for Lizzie.

[WyomingDiva]

BACKGROUND: My spouse came out 2 years ago. The way she described it to me was that she was a woman in a man's body and that since she still loved and desired me, she was a lesbian woman. It's been a long 2 years, she moved out, I learned acceptance because I love my spouse. She lost her job in June. She has been on HRT for a year which she started during one of our breakups when she thought I had filed for divorce (and I hadn't). She has been living fulltime as a woman since she lost her job as an electrician.

ISSUE: Prior to losing her job we did discuss my boundaries and SRS was something I could not live with. I also told her if it was something she had to do, I understood, but then she needed to let me go, but I would still be her friend. She said she could accept not having SRS, economically it was unfeasible also for her. She also is a big believer that gender variant is a better terminology, if that gives anyone additional insight.

QUESTION: Do you think it is possible to be TS and accept that you will never have SRS in order to keep your marriage intact or is it something that she is likely to feel was forced on her and will come to resent or change her mind about in the future? I know you can't speak for her, but based on your experiences, I would appreciate input so that I can be realistic about our future. Thank you.My husband and I just went through this (well, still are.) He chose to stop hormone therapy and transitioning because I decided I couldn't live with it and was leaving. He says he valued the marriage more than the transition. But...it was HIS CHOICE to stop. I didn't tell him to or make him. I just told him that he was welcome to continue but it would be without me in his life. He seems to be accepting and peaceful about his decision at this point.

As I stated on a thread (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?145190-New-territory....) on the 'Loved Ones' forum, I have no illusions about whether or not this will last. He still is a transexual woman, living as a male. We just take it one day at a time.

Don't let your spouse put responsibility on you for his choice to transition or not transition, whichever way your relationship goes. It is his choice. And...you make your choices.

[Faith_G]

My husband and I just went through this (well, still are.) He chose to stop hormone therapy and transitioning because I decided I couldn't live with it and was leaving. He says he valued the marriage more than the transition. But...it was HIS CHOICE to stop. I didn't tell him to or make him. I just told him that he was welcome to continue but it would be without me in his life. He seems to be accepting and peaceful about his decision at this point.

As I stated on a thread (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?145190-New-territory....) on the 'Loved Ones' forum, I have no illusions about whether or not this will last. He still is a transexual woman, living as a male. We just take it one day at a time.

Don't let your spouse put responsibility on you for his choice to transition or not transition, whichever way your relationship goes. It is his choice. And...you make your choices.I understand all that, but it's still in effect a decision made under coercion. I think all that's happened is you are delaying the inevitable. When it comes to gender identity, we can stuff it down and try to hold the lid on it, but it's going to explode eventually. I only hope your husband does not take the easy way out. :(

Understand that I am not blaming you, I'd be ready to leave too. I'm sorry that you two are in this situation.

[JohnH]

As I stated on a thread (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?145190-New-territory....) on the 'Loved Ones' forum, I have no illusions about whether or not this will last. He still is a transexual woman, living as a male. We just take it one day at a time.


I understand all that, but it's still in effect a decision made under coercion. I think all that's happened is you are delaying the inevitable. When it comes to gender identity, we can stuff it down and try to hold the lid on it, but it's going to explode eventually. I only hope your husband does not take the easy way out. :(

Just my two cents worth.

SecondLife, you acknowledge your husband is a transsexual woman.

The sentence I bolded makes me shudder. I have a feeling Faith means that your husband could take the easy way out by committing suicide.

I feel it is cruel of you to insist that your husband who is a transsexual woman not have hormone treatment. I read about accounts over and over again where wives have stuck by their husbands after the husband transitioned to being a woman.

Johanna

[lizlizzie]

I feel it is cruel of you to insist that your husband who is a transsexual woman not have hormone treatment. I read about accounts over and over again where wives have stuck by their husbands after the husband transitioned to being a woman.

Johanna

I do not understand why when we spouses or SO say this is what we can live with and this is what we can't live with that is cruel. What would be cruel is for us to live a lie. We aren't telling our spouses what to do, it is their decision. There seems to be this belief that we must accept whatever our spouses choose without the right to make our own choices. This is unfair to us. Yes there are spouses who stay and are able to live with the complete change from one gender to the other. But that doesn't mean every spouse can or should do that. Should we be miserable so that our spouses can be happy. Ideally, we should both be happy. But if that is not possible, honesty is the answer, so that informed choices can be made.

And while suicide is never what we want to see, your comment appears to hold us responsbile if that is what someone chooses to do. Any psychologist will tell you that is unreasonable. Would it be better that I be so miserable living as a lesbian woman with a MTF Transsexual who has undergone SRS and changed her body to totally female that I committed suicide or became so depressed that I couldn't function? For some reason you all seem to see this as a one-way street. We aren't saying we don't respect their decision, we aren't saying they can't make that decision. We are simply saying here is what I can live with and you need to know this so that you can make choices that are best for you.

My spouse prefers and respects my honesty. She respects the changes I have made to accept what has happened and the efforts I have gone through to educate myself and understand what she is going through. She understands the things I have lost by keeping our relationship. That is enough for her. Some are less militant than others - as she defines it, gender variant is better term. I will never joyfully embrace what has happened; I have accepted it and can appreciate some of the changes, but as she has said, it is unrealistic to expect me to be happy that my husband is dead.

[Rianna Humble]

I do not understand why when we spouses or SO say this is what we can live with and this is what we can't live with that is cruel. What would be cruel is for us to live a lie. We aren't telling our spouses what to do, it is their decision. There seems to be this belief that we must accept whatever our spouses choose without the right to make our own choices. This is unfair to us. Yes there are spouses who stay and are able to live with the complete change from one gender to the other. But that doesn't mean every spouse can or should do that. Should we be miserable so that our spouses can be happy. Ideally, we should both be happy. But if that is not possible, honesty is the answer, so that informed choices can be made.

I definitely agree with Liz here. We ask for understanding from spouses/significant others, but as a community seem to have difficulty comprehending that understanding is a two way street. When you live as a couple you are not just two individuals any more and compromises are made all the time to allow for that.

As much as the CD/TS partner has the right to express their needs and hope for support from their partner, so too the cisgendered partner has a right to express their personal needs and look for support from their CD/TS.

If the cisgendered partner can make the effort to accept transition but would feel unhappy becoming something that they are not (in the example above that would be the lesbian partner of a woman) then it is right and proper that they let their partner know.

We have occasionally seen examples of where someone's love is so strong that as their partner's transition progresses, they become more able to accept what is happening, but that does not mean that we have the right to trample over partners' feelings nor to condemn them for expressing those feelings.

The dictionary includes the following definition of relationship: "a state of connectedness between people (especially an emotional connection)" but often on these forums we appear to expect that connection to only go one way and that is unfair.


it is unrealistic to expect me to be happy that my husband is dead.

Well said

[Michelle-Leigh]

What is the approximate cost of a complete MTF transformation now, including SRS, major facial and body cosmetic reconstructive surgery, vocal surgery, and HRT please ? I will want to make the physical changes as complete as possible, of course.

[JohnH]

What is the approximate cost of a complete MTF transformation now, including SRS, major facial and body cosmetic reconstructive surgery, vocal surgery, and HRT please ? I will want to make the physical changes as complete as possible, of course.

I would not recommend vocal surgery. There is more than just raising the pitch of the voice - a lot of generic women speak with comparitively deep voices. Anytime one has surgery on the vocal cords there are risks. Julie Andrews had surgery to remove nodules and she lost the ability to sing. Even a basso profundo such as myself is able to speak in an acceptable range for a woman. Also a transgendered woman has to learn to speak with a breathy manner and have the resonance in the head instead of the chest.

Johanna

[Faith_G]

You could easily spend $200k. But you don't have to. Many women function just fine without a lot of surgery. Please don't use lack of money as an excuse to not be yourself.

[Zenith]

What is the approximate cost of a complete MTF transformation now, including SRS, major facial and body cosmetic reconstructive surgery, vocal surgery, and HRT please ? I will want to make the physical changes as complete as possible, of course.

Many variables...but you can transition with just a few basics...

Therapy for a couple sessions a month...maybe $300 per month...
Hormones depend on what you and your doctor decide on...maybe $100 a month...(for me pre-op Premarin, Spiro, and Lisinopril)...
Laser face hair removal a thousand or two, and more involved electrolysis can be many thousands...
Minor legal and court/filing fees for name change...

Surgery varies widely...

SRS is about $20,000 give or take a few thousand for the best surgeons in US, Canada, Thailand...(Meltzer, Bowers, Bressard, Suporn)...
BA is about $6,000-$7,000...
FFS can run from $0 (nothing needed), $10,000 for maybe Rhino and Trachea, $20,000 for some bone work with Spiegel, and $40,000 for complete reconstruction with a top specialist (Ousterhout or Beck)...

Living full time is of course priceless and only necessitates a basic wardrobe...

As with all things YMMV...

[Pythos]

When a partner says "I am leaving if you do X". and the person chooses not to do X. That IS coercion. That is manipulation. Sorry, but rightly or wrongly you manipulated the situation in your favor.

I will also say again. And I don't understand why people do not understand this. People hide this aspect because they are scared it will ruin the bond between the two. They may also be under the mis-assumption that the feeling to transition, or even just to CD will subside with marriage and becoming a "normal" couple.

Of course for the most part this is a fallacy doomed to failure. Inevitably the person realizes this AND THEN reveals to the SO whom,they love and cherish something that is incredibly and needlessly painful to reveal.

What does the SO do? Well, some accept. Others get all bent out of shape and scream stuff like "you lied to me" "you weren't truthful to me" " you are selfish".

Yea, that will really make someone that is in complete pain feel EVEN better!!! So what do they do? They hide it again. Until the pressure is too much.

BAM!!!

I can see where the SO is coming from though. It has to be a shock, especially if the concealing was done so well. But, some of the reactions are just so terrible. YOu break up a relationship of years and years over this, something that if this world were smarter would not even be that big a deal. The person is the same person...unless they get treated like garbage by the one they love....that can have drastic and irreversible effects on anyone.

[Gabriella77]

Sorry i dont know if this has been asked before or not,

I was wondering is it considered selfish and/or unreasonable to cut ties with a parent if the flat out do not accept ones choice to transition and even out right criticize and become derogatory towards ones chosen path?

I ask this because it is what my mother has done/is doing to me and i have decided to cut her out of my life and my families life. I know for a fact she is a cold and calculating person, from previous experience, and given half a chance would fill my kids with lies and deceit in regards to myself.

My father on the other hand thinks it is a phase that im going through and doesnt believe that i will see it to the end however having said that he is still being supportive, at least to my face, even though he doesnt like my choice.

Thank you ladies for any of your insight.

Gabriella.

[Sharon]

I was wondering is it considered selfish and/or unreasonable to cut ties with a parent if the flat out do not accept ones choice to transition and even out right criticize and become derogatory towards ones chosen path?

I ask this because it is what my mother has done....

I can't answer this definitively, but I can tell you what my thoughts are. It is my opinion that our parents (as well as anyone else) need to be held accountable for their actions -- an angry and abusive person should be kept away from those we care for; someone who deliberately speaks ill of a family member should be kept from doing so; a dishonest person should be prevented from doing what they do to us. The fact that a parent is involved makes enforcing a separation a difficult one, but the welfare of your family as well as yourself should always be your priority.

I wish you well. :hugs:

[Jorja]

What is the approximate cost of a complete MTF transformation now, including SRS, major facial and body cosmetic reconstructive surgery, vocal surgery, and HRT please ? I will want to make the physical changes as complete as possible, of course.

I have well over $100,000 wrapped up in being me. Now keep in mind this is over a 30 year period. This includes SRS, FFS, body reconstructive surgery (lower ribs removed - large rib cage), Hair transplant, electrolysis and laser treatments. I did not have vocal surgery because with some work on your part you can change your voice enough to be passable.


Sorry i dont know if this has been asked before or not,

I was wondering is it considered selfish and/or unreasonable to cut ties with a parent if the flat out do not accept ones choice to transition and even out right criticize and become derogatory towards ones chosen path?

I ask this because it is what my mother has done/is doing to me and i have decided to cut her out of my life and my families life. I know for a fact she is a cold and calculating person, from previous experience, and given half a chance would fill my kids with lies and deceit in regards to myself.

My father on the other hand thinks it is a phase that im going through and doesnt believe that i will see it to the end however having said that he is still being supportive, at least to my face, even though he doesnt like my choice.

Thank you ladies for any of your insight.

Gabriella.

To be honest, I would not completely cut ties with parents, ever. After all, they are your parents. Right now, they are trying to keep you from doing something THEY think is not right. Would I live with or near them? No. My contact was very limited with my parents. I would send birthday cards, Christmas cards and the like to let them know I was still alive. I would send them educational material once in a while. I would also make sure they knew how to contact me at all times. As time passed and months became years, they mellowed out and wanted to talk. I ended up having a very good relationship with them. There is always hope.

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Gabriella, the question you pose is a thorny one because there are children involved. In my opinion, if it had only been you then you do have the right to cut ties with anyone who is only pouring negativity into your relationship, but possibly offer the hope that if she decides to change, you will give her another chance. The other consideration here is how that would affect your relationship with your father.

As you have mentioned children, it becomes more difficult because you have to consider the effect on them of isolating them from a grandparent. I will admit that I have not been in this position, but I saw the effect on my erstwhile sister's children when she cut them off from contact with her mother in law for purely selfish reasons - her children couldn't understand why grannie didn't love them any more.

If the children are old enough to undertsand what is happening in your life, the best defense against you mother's negativity might be to explain to them that your mother doesn't like what you are doing and might say some hurtful things about it when they are with her. Encourage them to remain loving, but to let you know if she says anything spiteful; you can then discuss it with them and set the record straight.

[Allyson Michelle]

Hello...GREAT option for us as well. umm I have a couple of questions:

1. Can we ask more than one question in different posts? (meaning can I ask in post #199 as well as later at #263?)

-and-

2. I feel like I'm being held back from my transition because I need to be male for some people very important in my life. Is this a feeling many of you have experienced? and do I just have to get over it, lest I go INSANE?

[Gabriella77]

Thanks for the replies, I should have explained things a little better. My mother, even before i came out to her, has always been a bigot and a rather nasty person. I tolerated her behavior before cos she was my mother however i feel that i have put up with enough of her childish antics. She doesnt seem to care who she hurts or what she says in front oh whom ever is present (children included). It wouldnt be the first time she has tried something as horrible as purposefully saying derogatory remarks in from of a child in the hopes it gets back to the parents. Also my parents are divorced so have not ties to each other so he will not be effected by any choice i make in regards to dealing with my mother. I understand the whole grieving process that comes with the trans-gender package and explained to all involved that i would give them adequate time to do so and if they needed to ask me anything then they could. I also explained that even though i look different and act a little different i am mostly the same person. However at first my mother said she was fine with it and even relished in it but we then had an argument, a real doozy, and she let her true thought show in a slew of abusive and hurtful emails all of which lead me to today and my original question. I have tried the "if you just change your ways then ill reconsider my actions (towards the ban, not the trans) but she doesnt believe that what she has done is wrong. The children are still young, daughter 4, son 20 months so i believe that it will be hard on them however i feel that the risk of exposure to their grand mother is far to high to just let it go.

I hope this makes things a little easier to understand.

Gabriella

[Cari]

This is a very good thread and I have enjoyed reading it; Id like to thank those that replied for their honesty.

I guess my first question would be if anyone had therapists who had transitioned ?

My experience with therapy and counseling wasnt that productive,
I felt like they were working off a checklist and didnt really understand the issue.
The reason I ask is because I have found it more helpfull to talk with people within the community.

My second question is if you see the day coming when transitioning will be more accepted.
I see major steps in that direction but am not sure how far acceptance will go.
Im not sure how to say this without offending anyone but here goes:
Do you think transexuals will ever reach the same level of acceptance and civil rights as we have now with race issues ?

As an aside I would say that while I dont like labels as a CD I never felt unwelcome or disrespected by the trans community.
With one possible exception I was never treated as a junior member of the club.

[Steph.TS]

Hello...GREAT option for us as well. umm I have a couple of questions:

1. Can we ask more than one question in different posts? (meaning can I ask in post #199 as well as later at #263?)

-and-

2. I feel like I'm being held back from my transition because I need to be male for some people very important in my life. Is this a feeling many of you have experienced? and do I just have to get over it, lest I go INSANE?
if it wasn't for finances, and the feeling of obligation that I have to be male for my family, and potentially my job, I'd sign up to transition right now. BTW I love your signature.

[Rianna Humble]

Hello...GREAT option for us as well. umm I have a couple of questions:

1. Can we ask more than one question in different posts? (meaning can I ask in post #199 as well as later at #263?)

I have checked the start of this thread, and it encouraged questions, I can see no reason why we would refuse a second question if it was something for which you would want the reply to come from an MtF transsexual.


2. I feel like I'm being held back from my transition because I need to be male for some people very important in my life. Is this a feeling many of you have experienced? and do I just have to get over it, lest I go INSANE?

I can give you a personal answer, but only you can decide whether it will apply to your situation or not.

I had to hold back on my transition for a period to avoid hurting some people whom I respect a great deal. It was one of the factors that I had to weigh in the balance to decide whether the time was right for me to transition. At some points I felt like I was going mad, but fortunately, I could see an end-point.

As soon as my transition did not risk hurting the other people, I started my journey towards becoming the woman I have always known that I am.

If we allow ourselves to hold back for fear of upsetting someone, we can end up being held back for the whole of our lives which may not be healthy. At some point we need to decide how important our own well-being is to us.

[Jorja]

This is a very good thread and I have enjoyed reading it; Id like to thank those that replied for their honesty.

I guess my first question would be if anyone had therapists who had transitioned ?

My experience with therapy and counseling wasnt that productive,
I felt like they were working off a checklist and didnt really understand the issue.
The reason I ask is because I have found it more helpfull to talk with people within the community.

My second question is if you see the day coming when transitioning will be more accepted.
I see major steps in that direction but am not sure how far acceptance will go.
Im not sure how to say this without offending anyone but here goes:
Do you think transexuals will ever reach the same level of acceptance and civil rights as we have now with race issues ?

As an aside I would say that while I dont like labels as a CD I never felt unwelcome or disrespected by the trans community.
With one possible exception I was never treated as a junior member of the club.

1. I guess it can sound like the therapist is working from a check list at times. There are questions that need to be asked so that the therapist can get a feel for where you are at mentally and emotionally. However, each subject you cover should not be this way. Was this therapist experienced in gender issues? I would suggest trying another therapist. Just like us, they are not all the same.

2. I do see a day when transition will be more accepted. Look at the issue of gay marriage, 10 years ago it would never even make the news let alone some states voting it in. When that will be I can't say but as time marches on attitudes will change. 30 years ago when I transitioned it was rare and everyone totally against it. I kind of felt like Rosa Parks, "No, I will not give up my seat for a white person". Well, I said, "No, I will not be male just because you say I must". I don't think transition will ever reach the importance that race issues in this country did in the 50s and 60s but it will become common place just like say.... orthoscopic knee surgery. Not that big of a deal, unless your knee is in bad shape.

I hope I never make anyone feel unwelcome or disrespected because they are CD and not TS. We are all in this little world together and there is enough room to get along and be girly together.

[Hope]

I do not understand why when we spouses or SO say this is what we can live with and this is what we can't live with that is cruel. What would be cruel is for us to live a lie. We aren't telling our spouses what to do, it is their decision. There seems to be this belief that we must accept whatever our spouses choose without the right to make our own choices. This is unfair to us. Yes there are spouses who stay and are able to live with the complete change from one gender to the other. But that doesn't mean every spouse can or should do that. Should we be miserable so that our spouses can be happy. Ideally, we should both be happy. But if that is not possible, honesty is the answer, so that informed choices can be made.


Objectively your objections work. You are expressing what your needs are, and making what you honestly believe to be a very gracious offer to either stay or leave based upon your spouse's response. Objectively that is reasonable behavior. But a marriage is not a contract. A person you are in a relationship with is not a customer or a provider of services. So while this seems like a completely fair and objectively reasonable demand from someone in an arms length transaction (and it is) in your marriage you are not dealing with someone in an arms length transition. The sooner you stop behaving as if you were, the happier you BOTH will be.

Honestly, what you are describing is a recipe for resentment. When you become the reason that your spouse cannot be who they are, cannot express who they are, you will, over time, invariably come to be resented for that. You might say it is a "free choice" and in a business transition it would be, but I think you would agree that there is more to your relationship than a contract. I understand that you want to be seen as the victim here, as the one being put out and making all sorts of accommodations, and in some ways you are, and deserve credit for that, but when you coercively restrict your partners ability to express herself, and restrict your spouse from being the fullest person that they can be - you loose that ability to be admired for your accommodations. Loving another person means encouraging that other person, it means supporting them, it means doing everything you can to try to make your partner be the best that they can be, to make their life the most fulfilling it can be. It is not to tell your partner that they should be satisfied with 80% fulfillment because 100% would make me feel put out. And yes, that relationship should be reciprocal.

One of the tests I like to run on an argument involves swapping the genders of the people involved, and seeing if the argument still makes sense. Lets imagine that a husband was complaining that his wife refused to wear skirts - he INSISTED that she not wear pants, or cut her hair short, or suppose that she really wanted to get a breast reduction, but her husband forbade it - saying "if you do I will leave you!" No one would take the side of the husband No one would say "well he was just being honest with his needs, and if she stays it is her choice" - we would all work ourselves up into a feminism induced frenzy and decry such a husband as a clod, as a misogynist, and we would encourage the wife to leave HIM. Someone would google the phone number for a local women's shelter and someone else would offer the poor oppressed wife a place to stay in her own home. I don't want to paint you as the clod in this scenario - but when you tell another person what they can and cannot do with their own body, it is difficult to see you as accepting.

But the thing that bothers me the most, and actually the thing that prompted me to respond at all, is your lack of "we" language when describing your relationship. I see you throwing down ultimatums, and telling us about what you are going to do, what your spouse is going to do, about how you are going to respond and about how none of it is your responsibility. But I don't hear a lot of vocabulary that indicates that there is any talk about how the two of you are going to address this part of your life together as a pair. That to me is an indication of a MUCH deeper, non-transition related problem in your relationship that, should you choose to address it, will likely go a LONG way to resolving the other issues you are having.

Just a voice in the wilderness.

[Faith_G]

I guess my first question would be if anyone had therapists who had transitioned ?
Yes, my therapist transitioned from male to female. She has been very helpful and an awesome resource!


Do you think transexuals will ever reach the same level of acceptance and civil rights as we have now with race issues ?Yes. Right now there are a lot of people who are privately racist and don't show it because it's socially unacceptable. Racism is not gone, it's just quieter now. I think trans people can get to that point. It's nowhere near full acceptance, though.




2. I feel like I'm being held back from my transition because I need to be male for some people very important in my life. Is this a feeling many of you have experienced? and do I just have to get over it, lest I go INSANE?At your age I think you are putting that feeling on yourself. AFAIK you are not married, don't have any children. Your life is yours to live, you are using this as an excuse.




I was wondering is it considered selfish and/or unreasonable to cut ties with a parent if the flat out do not accept ones choice to transition and even out right criticize and become derogatory towards ones chosen path?As you've described the situation, not just no - HELL NO! Your mother isn't owed contact if she is not willing to behave respectfully.

[ReineD]

But a marriage is not a contract.

This is inaccurate. A marriage is a contract and its success depends on both partners' communication and negotiation skills. It is foolish to believe that marriages are successful only based on love. Or through osmosis.

I don't understand why so many believe here that a wife is "wrong" if she is honest about her inability to change her sexual preferences and she puts the ball in her husband's court to see if she (the husband) can stay in the marriage based on the same premise held in the beginning of their marriage contract. It is the TS who seeks the change, not the wife. If the TS can't live with this, then she should be honest and not string her wife along for years with empty promises. They both should just move on and try to find happiness with partners who are a better fit.

The ideal of course is that a wife could alter her sexual preferences along with her husband's gender identity, but not all GGs fall in the middle of the sexual preference spectrum. This is not something that can be judged. A GG who cannot be in a romantic relationship with a woman is hard wired to be who she is, just as her husband is hard wired to be TS.

If we lived in a society that promoted gender variant self-acceptance in childhood, all of this would be avoided since TSs would not marry GGs who cannot be in relationships with women.

[Rianna Humble]

I'm afraid that I cannot agree with Hope. Unless marriage is about both partners' feelings and needs, then it is a sham. It is just as unreasonable to ask a cisgendered hetero wife to suddenly become lesbian as it is for a wife to demand that her husband cease to be transgendered.


One of the tests I like to run on an argument involves swapping the genders of the people involved, and seeing if the argument still makes sense.

Unfortunately, Hope has not done this in her argument decrying LizLizzie's right to express her feelings and needs. Most people with successful marriages will say that the secret is to compromise and take each others' feelings into account. You cannot do that if the wife dare not express her feelings for fear of "holding back" the transgendered husband's happiness.

If we did try Hope's principle we would have to ask ourselves if it is reasonable for LL's husband to insist that she live the rest of her life as the lesbian that she is not simply because her husband needs to transition. OK, great, we have taken the feelings and needs of the husband into consideration and in doing so trample on the needs and feelings of the other half of the relationship. Objectively or subjectively that cannot be the right way to go about it.

I don't think that it was helpful to try to trivialise LL's feelings by making them a question of what clothes are worn - that is not and was not what LL was saying.

[Hope]

I'm afraid that I cannot agree with Hope. Unless marriage is about both partners' feelings and needs, then it is a sham.

Like I said, it needs to be a reciprocal relationship. But thanks for the thoughts.

[Jorja]

I just wanted to make a comment about the children. We as a society do not give children enough credit. They seem to be able to sort the BS from the truth at very young ages.
I had married before entering the Navy. I was 18 at the time and had one child on the way. I guess I was trying to prove I was a man or something. Duh!!!! Anyway, a year later my second was born. Now, being in the Navy ment I was gone anywhere from a week to 6 months at a time. About this time my wife decided she could not deal with 2 kids and Navy life. We proceeded to divorce. In the process, at the last minute, when I was enrout to Westpac for a 6 month tour, she put a stipulation in that caught me completely off guard and the judge agreed to. I could not have contact with my children until they turned 18. This was because of my dressing which she approved of and participated in??? My lawyers and I fought this tooth and nail until I ran out of money. Yet, I challanged it for 18 years everytime I got the chance. I was completely crushed.
To make a long story short, I finally left the Navy and started my transition in 1980. One day there was a knock at my door. There stood a young man and young girl. As I opened the door they asked, dad is that you? It took a few years of catching up, explaining, and learning but we have developed a very close relationship. They don't care that I am now a woman. They are just happy to finally know me.

P.S. this is ment for Gabriella

[Cari]

I remember reading or hearing somewhere that hormone therapy was like going thru puberty again.

Is that true, and is it any less awkward when you are older ?

[Jorja]

I remember reading or hearing somewhere that hormone therapy was like going thru puberty again.

Is that true, and is it any less awkward when you are older ?

I don't remember getting all wierd or anything but yes to an extent we do go through puberty again but it's different. I think mostly I felt a calming effect. Making me feel more.... "normal" for a lack of a better word.

[WyomingDiva]

I feel it is cruel of you to insist that your husband who is a transsexual woman not have hormone treatment. I read about accounts over and over again where wives have stuck by their husbands after the husband transitioned to being a woman.Johanna, do you have a partner who has done this? I would like to hear the whole story, if so.

This is really no one's business but our own. We are doing what works for us. And if he thinks it's cruel, he's welcome to continue to transition. Without me.

[Angiemead12]

Im sorry if this has been asked already, but is there any way to use hormones for basic body modification like slowing down body hair growth, thickening of the your head hair, smooth skin and maybe grow some hips?

Thank you for your time.

[Jorja]

Im sorry if this has been asked already, but is there any way to use hormones for basic body modification like slowing down body hair growth, thickening of the your head hair, smooth skin and maybe grow some hips?

Thank you for your time.

With hormones it is all or nothing. It is not a selective process. If you take the hormones you will eventually devlope the body of a female and rewire the mind as well.

[Jorja]

Hello...GREAT option for us as well. umm I have a couple of questions:

1. Can we ask more than one question in different posts? (meaning can I ask in post #199 as well as later at #263?)

-and-

2. I feel like I'm being held back from my transition because I need to be male for some people very important in my life. Is this a feeling many of you have experienced? and do I just have to get over it, lest I go INSANE?

As far as I am concerned, ask as many questions as you like. The only dumb question is the one not asked.

Allyson Michelle, may I ask why you feel you need to hold back for these people? It is my opinion (and I don't know all the facts) that you need to just get over it and take care of yourself. Many relationships can be mended at a later time. If these people are that important in your life they will understand and support your decision. If not, they may not be as important as you may think.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

.is that your pic!?!? wow...you look great...

the short answer is yes...the long answer is that you have absolutley ZERO control over what the hormones will do...some get very little breast growth...generally speaking hips dont change much except over time...hair is likely to thin but often not as much as you'd think (especially in the face)....when i started HRT my hair FELL OUT!!! LOL...i still don't know why...its fine now...etcetc...there are exceptions...they also may make you gain weight, crave foods, etcetc....

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Hello...GREAT option for us as well. umm I have a couple of questions:

1. Can we ask more than one question in different posts? (meaning can I ask in post #199 as well as later at #263?)

-and-

2. I feel like I'm being held back from my transition because I need to be male for some people very important in my life. Is this a feeling many of you have experienced? and do I just have to get over it, lest I go INSANE?

If you already have the "overwhelming feeling" i can promise you that it won't go away...your choices are live with that feeling for the rest of your life or to do something about it...
that is our problem in a nutshell.. if you are not really male in your soul, consider the absurdity of "needing to be male for someone else"....

the hard truth bottom line is that trannsexual people face a really brutal moment...and the excuses we use to avoid that moment are many..."needing to be male for someone else" is an excuse not a reason...many of us that transitioned can look back at those excuses and only with hindsight realize how much effort we put into NOT transitioning and making up all kinds of excuses for it...

[Rianna Humble]

Allyson Michelle, may I ask why you feel you need to hold back for these people? It is my opinion (and I don't know all the facts) that you need to just get over it and take care of yourself. Many relationships can be mended at a later time. If these people are that important in your life they will understand and support your decision. If not, they may not be as important as you may think.

I know I am not Allyson, but as I put my transition on hold because of consideration for certain people, perhaps I can contribute another point of view.

There were three groups of people for whom I delayed the start of my RLE:

1 Family because it would have been too close to my neice's wedding and I didn't want to do anything to detract from her big day

2 A very dear friend who was devastated when she later learned that I had held back to avoid my transition being used to destroy her both in her career and morally by association. I had already begun to retire from public life, but I have no doubt whatsoever that my enemies would have used my transition against my friend since they could not use it against me. In the end, the point became moot when she too retired from public life.

3 A group of friends that I (as Robert) had agreed to represent at last year's Parliamentary elections. It would have been unfair to them to tell them that they could not have Robert and I would have felt that I was breaking my word and thus not being true to mine own self (see my sig).

All three groups of people do understand and support my transition, but I am not sure that it would have been so had I rained on their respective parades.

I did not take the decision lightly, I put the three situations in the balance with all of the other considerations and they weighed heavier at that particular moment in time. It was not the three groups of people holding me back, it was my own sense of honour with respect to the duty of care that I felt I owed to each of the three.

Incidentally, I have gained respect from certain quarters because I did act in accordance with my principles.

[Jessinthesprings]

With hormones it is all or nothing. It is not a selective process. If you take the hormones you will eventually devlope the body of a female and rewire the mind as well.

and sometimes its all and nothing... ok well in my case at almost a year there is been almost zero effect on hair growth. Skin does seem softer but it could be my imagination. Only thing that has seemed to be substantially effected is my breasts and thighs.

[Melody Moore]

Angiemead, you want to use hormones for basic body modification like slowing down body hair growth,
thickening of the your head hair, smooth skin and maybe grow some hips? Not asking for much are you? :heehee:

What effects you are expecting from hormones are going to be a lot more than just 'basic body modifications'. So I think you are trying to be selective about what effects you do get from hormone therapy. As others have said it is 'All, or nothing'. The first thing you need to realise is that with hormone therapy you have to effectively change you endocrine (hormone) system from being that of a male to that of a female through lowering the male hormone testosterone & by increasing female hormones like progesterone & oestrogen & keeping everything at a safe level through monitoring. Your physiological body & psychological mind will change. You will more than likely also grow breasts & your libido will be affected as well and you could easily become sterile. Most of the effects of hormones are not reversible, so you really should be talking to a therapist to work out who you are & what you want out of life & the best path for you to take from here.

The good thing is you are looking at the more favourable option for feminisation rather than considering some of the other crap like herbals & soy products which have proven to not always give a favourable result and also puts you more at risk from other health complications. These options are also dangerous because they are not monitored by a medical practitioner. If you want to try hormones, then I say start by finding a good therapist & if hormones is what you choose then find a good doctor to monitor your HRT regime.

Good luck :hugs:

[Jorja]

and sometimes its all and nothing... ok well in my case at almost a year there is been almost zero effect on hair growth. Skin does seem softer but it could be my imagination. Only thing that has seemed to be substantially effected is my breasts and thighs.

I would bet if you had a before and after a year picture side by side to compare you would be amazed at the changes that have taken place.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

one thing i have learned...measure HRT effects in YEARS...it can take a lllloooonnnnnggggg time...some are lucky...but sometimes the fast changers stop changing fast too..

[CharleneT]

Im sorry if this has been asked already, but is there any way to use hormones for basic body modification like slowing down body hair growth, thickening of the your head hair, smooth skin and maybe grow some hips?

Thank you for your time.

As many have said, HRT is not an ala' carte menu. But, if the list you have is what you are after, then there is a solution: Dutasteride/finasteride with a lot of pizza and beer.

[Jorja]

New Question

It has been more than 20 years since I have had my GRS. I am sure that in this amount of time the advances in technology have changed many of the requirements for GRS surgery. What is the maximum age for GRS? Do they still require a BMI (Body Mass Index) of 28% or less? Are you still required to stay near your surgery site for two weeks after surgery? Any other important factors as far as GRS is concerned?

[Faith_G]

This applies only to my surgeon, I have not researched others. IDK about max age. The BMI requirement is still in effect. I will be hospitalized for 5 days and am required to stay local for another week after being released from the hospital. Not supposed to be a smoker is the only other strong recommendation I recall.

[Carole Cross]

There is no maximum age requirement for surgery, you just have to meet the health requirements. There are some transsexuals who had surgery in their 70s.

[Haley Heather]

Have any of you that have transitioned ever cross dressed as a man after having transitioned?

[Zenith]

Have any of you that have transitioned ever cross dressed as a man after having transitioned?

I know of a few post-ops that did that for Halloween (one went as Hunter S. Thompson) but frankly they looked weird...me personally, though it's just clothes, it makes me cringe... :worried:

[Rianna Humble]

I haven't copmpleted my transition yet, but I cannot think why I should want to cross-dress as a man after nearly half a century of having done just that prior to transition.

[Jorja]

Have any of you that have transitioned ever cross dressed as a man after having transitioned?

No way! I spent somewhere around $80,000 to NOT look like a man, why would I want to crossdress to look like one now? Besides, the D cup breast would be a dead giveaway. ;)

[Haley Heather]

thanks everyone, I know it was an odd question but I had to ask it. :D

[Chava_Aliza]

For those on hormones...when did the emotions and mood swings start leveling out? Also, were there ever any doubts about whether or not the choice you made was the right one (the choice to transition at the time vs. not/possibly waiting).

[Frances]

For those on hormones...when did the emotions and mood swings start leveling out? Also, were there ever any doubts about whether or not the choice you made was the right one (the choice to transition at the time vs. not/possibly waiting).

For me, emotions leveled out after about two or three months. I get a little "sensitive" every month for a period of time.

The second question is more interesting. Some people in my life view transition as a definite point, and SRS surely was, but most of the real work is so spread out over time that it was quite different for me. It was a long succession of baby steps, each confirming this feeling that I had about my gender. It is probably the same for everyone.

I did not go from boy to girl instantly. The choice was thus made very, very slowly, but not always in full view. People in my life, some close, some not, had to deal with my transition very quickly, while I had years to mull over it. I heard the question "Are you sure?" over and over again and could not always get them to stop projecting their own castration phobia. While for me, brick by brick, step after step, transition had become inevitable and not only the right choice, but the only choice.

[Angel.Marie76]

For those on hormones...when did the emotions and mood swings start leveling out? Also, were there ever any doubts about whether or not the choice you made was the right one (the choice to transition at the time vs. not/possibly waiting).

My observations differ from Frances - I just hit my 1 yr anniversary of HRT, and can tell you a few different things. First off - I didn't start feeling something different until almost 4-6 months after I started estrogen. Once the 'ahhh.. here we go' moment occurred, it hasn't really stopped. I certainly haven't been overtly b!tchy or anything, however the on-edge cry at the drop of a hat feelings have continued to come and go. Further, at this 1-yr marker, I can easily say that my sensitivity has continued to increase, and I find myself not necessarily crying about everything, but crying when the least bit of strong emotion occurs. I admit, during this first year, after 'ahh ha' moment, I was crying easier at times.. at this point I just feel it happening.. and moreso for the sad or sappy moments. My GG SO thinks its the cutest thing.. cause I cry even MORE now during movies, etc.

Now, as far as transitional timing goes - that one's simple in my eyes = I wish I had transitioned earlier in my life, period. The fact that I waited as long as I did - or, moreso - The fact that it took me until I was 30 to realize I was strong enough to and determined it really was possible - to transition, well, stinks, but I'm glad I did it when I did.. and that I didn't wait a DAY longer from the moment when I realized I needed to make it happen. One of the major reasons I wouldn't wait a day longer?? Hair loss. I had been watching it for almost 5 years or more.. as it started to go just very little at first.. but it's what make me realize the time was NOW... or else. I've never looked back, nor do I plan to.

[Hope]

For those on hormones...when did the emotions and mood swings start leveling out? Also, were there ever any doubts about whether or not the choice you made was the right one (the choice to transition at the time vs. not/possibly waiting).

My experience has been that I only get "hormonal" when my dosage changes. When I first started taking E, after about the first week, I had a relatively significant, and amusing to those around me, flip-out about dropping a fork. Nothing was hurt or damaged, I just dropped the fork and flipped out. In retrospect it was pretty funny, but being told it was because I was hormonal and being dismissed like that was sooooo infuriating. I had no idea. I also accidentally (It WAS an accident - really) took an extra pill one day and a day or so later was a bit more overly sensitive than I usually am.

Other than when my dosage changes, I am pretty even keel. Of course my dosage is still pretty low, but from what I have read, this is pretty typical. As your dosage changes, your body adjusts, and as it is going through that adjustment phase you get ... hormonal. After the adjustment phase is over you get back to more or less normal.

As for doubts...

I used to have them CONSTANTLY. Since I started taking hormones, I have never doubted myself one second. Which is weird - because I didn't realize it until you asked. Much to the contrary - I have felt like this is who I am - and why the he11 did I take so long to come out? I realized after about 2 weeks on hormones that I can never go back to the way it was before. I'm not always sure I can go forward, and I know I can't stay here (Which is a bit of a frightening realizations too) but I have been absolutely clear in my head that I can never go back. I no longer have the daily "Is this right for me" "is this what you want?" "Is this who I am?" conversations. It is just "This is me" and I move on. If anything I am much more confident.

[Julie S]

Is it possible to start on hormones while possibly not transitioning for 10 or so years. I can't transition just now but would like to keep my hair and become more like the way I think I should be.
Thanks for any help.
J

[Rianna Humble]

Is it possible to start on hormones while possibly not transitioning for 10 or so years.

If you can persuade your GP and possibly your local Gender Identity Clinic that you need to be on hormones it might be possible, but you will develop secondary female characteristics that would be hard to explain if you are still living as a male.

I think you would find it hard to persuade a GIC that you need this treatment although you don't intend to transition in the foreseeable future.


I can't transition just now but would like to keep my hair

I would think that there are less drastic measures you can take to stave off hair loss

[Sophie_Serendipity]

For those on hormones...when did the emotions and mood swings start leveling out? Also, were there ever any doubts about whether or not the choice you made was the right one (the choice to transition at the time vs. not/possibly waiting).

It levels out?? Well...the same as for the others. I get moody when doses change, and I am more sensitive to things in general. In fact, I had to apologise to my wife the other day, because I used to give her a hard time about making a 'big deal' about environmental conditions, but now I know just how much more things like heat, humidity, noise and smell affect me. (I live in HK which is overwhelming at the best of times) I have realised now more than ever, the importance of taking care of myself...eating right, getting enough sleep and doing what I can to keep my stress under control. The healthier I am, the better I feel...it's not really rocket science I guess. Actually, one of the best things for me has been having supportive GG friends. When the first big mood changes hit me, my friends were so excited...they looked at me like a teenager and said things like "awww, your first PMS", then bought me cups of tea and kept me company.

As to doubts etc. I had a revelation a few months ago. Whenever I have doubts, I'm thinking about OTHER people's desires and expectations, when I'm dead-set certain and clear-minded, I'm thinking about what I need to be happy...and I have to tell you, for all the moodiness, the tough times, the awkward moments and the extra hot, sweaty days, I have never been happier with who I am. So it is definitely worth it. As far as fear goes, at the point where your fear of going ahead is overshadowed by your fear of NOT going ahead, you know you're on the right track.

PS: I love your AV

[danielle40I]

Kaitlyn, I can't tell you how enlightening this article is to me:
http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm

I give you may sincererest thanks for bringin it to light.

[silkeze]

HI I am new to the neighborhood, I have so many questions to ask.how do you convence a doctor to begin hormones 2) currently I do not have any insurancce3) any suggestions as to herbal breast enlargement? I have always wanted this,when I was younger say from age 8 to age 28 I had larger than normal breasts for a male and had a small amount of leekage. I miss this in my body and feel thats partly why I am a crossdresser. Can any one help?

[Melody Moore]

You cannot just convince a doctor to prescribe you cross-sex hormones without finding yourself a
therapist (psychologist) first who has experience with dealing with gender issues for some counselling
and a referral to a doctor to start you on hormones. One thing is obvious to me already, you are not
sure about where you fit into the transgender spectrum yet, so I really urge you to seek out a therapist.

And finally if you have had natural breast development then it could be possible that you
might be intersex or suffer from other hormonal imbalances. So that is something else that
needs to be considered before starting on hormones.

Forget the herbal crap, most people report it is a waste of time and money - there
is no scientific evidence to support it's use for M-F feminisation & gender transition.

[revned]

I got a few questions...

Im considering the transformation, as I have felt feminine my whole life and am finally considering that the procedure may be what I truly want after seeing others' results and having thought really hard about it for many years. However, I need more information such as: How long does one take hormones for to acheive the desired result and do you have to continue afterwards? How much does it cost for the hormones? How much for the actual operation? How much for the therapist to get the hormones?

My questions are mainly money related as thats the main thing holding me back from doing anything just yet.

[Melody Moore]

Hi revned

First of all I think you also need to talk to a therapist & a doctor about issues first before you
even think about starting hormone therapy. As for how long it takes to achieve a desired result
in feminisation, well that depends on many things, such as metabolism, genetics etc. Most trans
women never get the desired result they were looking for. But you don''t just take hormones for
the physical changes - for a transsexual person, it is about the emotional & psychological changes.

If you transition you will be on cross-sex hormones for the rest of your life. Obviously the dosages
are less once you have Gender/Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS/GRS) and you go onto a post-op
dose and no longer require any anti-androgens to keep testosterone levels down.

As for the cost of hormone therapy, that depends on where you live, whether or not you can get
them through your public health system or whether or not you buy them and import them from an
online pharmacy. Importing drugs bought online is illegal in most countries without a licence. So you
need to also consider those issues as well before you start buying drugs from online pharmacies.

Self medicating is NOT recommended due to a high risk of complications - so I cannot emphasis
enough about the importance of going on hormone therapy with proper medical supervision. So
find a therapist first and start from there. Good luck I hope you find the most suitable path soon.

[Michelle.M]

I remember reading or hearing somewhere that hormone therapy was like going thru puberty again.

Is that true, and is it any less awkward when you are older ?

Well, in the first place my first puberty was as a boy, so my frame of reference is not valid. But yes, I am experiencing the same things that I remember many girls going through when I was young. My boobs (especially the nipples) hurt, ache, are tender, are stimulated and do nothing at all, sometimes all of these in the same day. And like many girls going through puberty I spend more time than I should looking at myself in the mirror to check out how my body is changing. I get excited that my body is changing and frustrated that it's not changing fast enough, and I wonder what will happen when it does change more.

Is it awkward when you're older? Well, I have more maturity then I did as a kid so I am able to recognize what's happening and not let it freak me out, and since I am not worried about what the mean girls think of me (my trans friends are all going through the same thing and we support each other) I don't have all that psychological baggage to carry. But there are other issues. I am not out nor living full time yet, so I have to keep things (like boobs) under wraps, at least for the next few months.

But overall this is better than puberty because it's not so much something that's happening to me as it is something I am making happen so I can realize my potential. This sense of purpose helps me overcome hang-ups, frustration and awkwardness.

[revned]

Thank you for the information, Melody.

I actually do have a friend who has a bachelors in psychology that was the one who even brought it to my attention that I should consider it. I understand that I should see an actual licensed therapist, but I have had many years of discussing and contemplating this in the same setting as it would be with a licensed therapist. So, I have a bit of an expectation on how this will play out. Not saying I'm gonna go out and start dosing myself however, as I know nothing about hormone dosage and don't even wanna pretend I do. Not to mention, I have no idea how my body will personally react to them. I have a firm understanding that I need to make it legitimate with licensed doctors first that I am even able to take them.

Honestly though, being obliged to take hormones concerns me. It probably wouldn't if I were the chemist able to synthesize them myself so I know exactly what I am getting and able to make my own supply. It truly is a shame that the herbal supplements are no good, I hate relying on drug companies to make the drugs I need to take.

I have plenty of research to do as well as sorting out whether I still feel it is right for me. Luckily, I still have plenty of time to decide. At the very least, I have decided my testicles have got to go, I have zero desire for them to be there, it just seems like that alone may be sufficient enough for my happiness, I don't know for sure though.

Ultimately my want to be female does actually stem from wanting to put an end to my testosterone-fueled behavoir and emotions, it doesn't fit my true feelings and personality. As a young child, I often found myself wanting to participate in feminine activities rather than masculine ones, this is the same crossroad I am at today. As well, I actually have some physical features that are questionably female, doctors even thought I was female for a while when I was in the womb of my mother. So this could very well be something that has deep roots in my genetics. Of course, I need to confirm this with a therapist before I claim it to be the absolute truth, but these are my realizations on the matter.

Anyway, thanks again for the response. I have a lot of studying to do and I definitely need to discuss it with a licensed therapist.

[*Vanessa*]

Kaitlyn, I can't tell you how enlightening this article is to me:
http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm

I give you may sincerest thanks for bringing it to light.

Geezz you can stumble onto the greatest of information on this site. I wish there was a resource library for this stuff !!

Thank-you so much for posting this information.

[DJulie]

I have to agree with Melody. She knows what she is talking about :battingeyelashes:

[Veronica Lodge]

Thanks for the chance to ask questions. I've have many.. But I would like to start with a question regarding physical conditioning during pre-op. Whether you followed a workout regimen either devised for yourself or suggested by a doctor? Do you encourage doing heavy cardiovascular right up until the moment? Do the doctors give advice on conditioning guidelines or suggest any kind of diets to be using pre-op?

Any answers would be appreciated.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

getting into good cardio shape is an excellent idea... surgery recovering is exhausting and long... being in decent shape is a huge help..(true for any surgery!)

it will also help with your mental health going in...somebody told me once...just shut your eyes and let the doctor do his/her job... but if you help yourself it can calm your nerves before and after surgery..