outed by my ex

[angelis13]

Hi Everyone,

I’m very ticked off right now, my ex outed me to our son.
She has known of my plans to transition for a while now and had promised me that she would let me tell our son, when I felt the time was right.
I should’ve known better.
At first he seemed OK with it, now things seem a little strained between us, but he’s a good kid, I’m sure things will smooth out.
But I feel she had no right to tell, it is my life, and it should be my call “who” gets told, “when” they get told and “how” I tell them.
Not just blurted out on a whim.

(oh and this happened on “fathers day”, of all things)

End of rant!

Angel

[tricia_uktv]

You didn't mention the age of your son but you need to give him time to adjust. Things may be difficult for a while but he will come round if you love him, as you clearly do.

[angelis13]

Hi Tricia, you're right i did forget to say his age, he's seventeen.

[ashcrimson]

Well, youre still his dad sorta so... now he has like 2 moms and 1 dad, isnt that interesting? well, I guess he will have to give 2 gifts on mothers day so its like an extra gift, I guess that can piss him off. You know, you can tell him no car for his next birthday if he doesnt behave hihihihi

Im sorry Im so out of my mind right now.

You know, no matter what anyway youre still his parent. I think whatever you are, if you do love him and try your best, I think he will feel it and he can love you back despite this matter. I think youd know more what to do, since I dont have a child but I guess just assure him things wont change in a bad way. Well, his age isnt very .... since I guess its when they feel they need to prove themselves to people and are more mindful and sensitive to their opinions. Just talk to him seriously I guess and just be honest, listen to what he has to say and make him feel that you are listening to him

[Rebecca Jayne]

That's a low blow, however given time I'm sure you everything will be alright between you and your son.

You have such a beautiful and deep soul, he will see and understand. I love your posts on the writer forum.

[DianneRoberts]

Can't give the next potential ex to be the ammo to make my life worse. It really is bad, I have so far to go, but can't get there.

Ex's can be so mean and there really isn't anything that can be done about it.
I know of other's ex's that told friends that he beat her and the kids and I know that's not true, as do most of his close friends, but not so close friends believe the ex and have nothing to do with him anymore.

Amazing what somebody that was once in love can turn and do.

The more people like that I meet, the more I love my cat.

[AmiFL]

My wife and I were in a fairly heated arguement one night. My 18 yr old son tried to intercede, taking my side. My wife looked at him and said "do you know that your father likes to wear womans clothes". He looked at me and said "do you?" I did not know what to say and so he knew the answer.

It never came up again and she actually regreted saying it to him (for now) She and I are on the way out so I am sure it will come up again. Who knows who she will tell next in anger

The worst part about it is there is nothing wrong with my harmless hobby. Some people find enjoy far worse activities that actually hurt others.

a woman (GG) scorned I guess

[angelis13]

I guess he will have to give 2 gifts on mothers day so its like an extra gift, I guess that can piss him off.

Honestly I hadn't thought of that, i don't know if he would go along with that idea, though it is food for thought.


You have such a beautiful and deep soul, he will see and understand. I love your posts on the writer forum.

Thank you Rebbecca, that is very kind of you to say, i hope one day to be able to share what i write with him.


The more people like that I meet, the more I love my cat.

I'm with you there Dianne, my little cats are the best companions, they never judge me.


You might have grounds to take her to court for her actions.


I like the idea Jayne, but the lawyers already have enough of my money.


My wife looked at him and said "do you know that your father likes to wear woman's clothes"

That's a terrible thing for your wife to have done to you Ami, there is no excuse for betraying another s trust.

Thank you all for replying to my little rant.

Angel

[boardpuppy]

We all desurve and have the right to rant know and then. My irratations just haven't gotten to the ranting point yet, so I understand. Let us know how things develope and we are here for you. May your day brighten and your burdens lighten.

Hugs,
Alice

[shayleetv]

My question is: was her goal to hurt you or was it to hurt your son? I think I would have asked her that and asked if it ever occurred to her how her telling him might have affected him. Sometimes people hurt the ones they love more when they try to hurt someone else. Mostly because vengeful hearts don't think of the ramifications of their actions. I hope you and your son can resume your lives together after this betrayal.

[lanasan]

the deed is done. its time to win your son back anew. this can take a long time i know. but dont you feel better having it out ?

exes can be a problem for anyone including me. but youh ave to play it straight in the system.

[tricia_uktv]

I would say then, hang on in there. You have done nothing wrong and your son will adjust in time. I told my twin daughters when they were 17. It took probably six months for them to adjust and now they call me tranny Dad. But I am still their Dad and still support and pray for them. They know that and we love each other. Good luck hon, and just keep going,

Hugs and best wishes

[AllieSummers]

I can see why you are mad but you need to take these lemons and turn them into lemonade. If you want to get back at your ex-wife don't let her know you are mad, instead tell her how much you appreciate you telling him and how it will now give you the opportunity to be honest with him.

That will really make her mad. ;-)

Just go with it and it will all work out.

Kisses,

Allie

[Katie Louise]

Let me guess. An act of spite? The universe tends to sort people like that out.

[Monica93304]

Allie is right on. That would be the way to do it. Allie has had the best of luck with her daughters. They're awesome.

Have you spoken to your son since? I wouldn't let this eat you up alive.

Best of luck,

Monica.

[Deedee Dupree]

Hi Angel,

Sent you a long PM this morning. I forgot to mention as you sort through this, to remember to have some fun, you earned it and deserve it. The fine person I know you to be will shine through and prevail.

Love, dd

[sherri52]

She was wrong to do that, but did she do it for spite or because it has been to long since the time you said you would tell him. We don't know all the info about it. As for your son. If he loved you before fathers day, he'll still love you and will come around to the dressing. He may not approve but he'll except it because you are his father

[AKAMichelle]

Hi Everyone,

I’m very ticked off right now, my ex outed me to our son.
She has known of my plans to transition for a while now and had promised me that she would let me tell our son, when I felt the time was right.
I should’ve known better.
At first he seemed OK with it, now things seem a little strained between us, but he’s a good kid, I’m sure things will smooth out.
But I feel she had no right to tell, it is my life, and it should be my call “who” gets told, “when” they get told and “how” I tell them.
Not just blurted out on a whim.

(oh and this happened on “fathers day”, of all things)

End of rant!

Angel

My father found out about my mother's 2 half sisters a few years ago which she had never told anybody about. So to strike back at her for something, my father my brother and me about the 2 half-sisters on Mother's Day. It caused a lot of problems and especially hurt feeling.

I think you can see that you aren't alone is getting hurt on a special day. It still was a crappy thing to do. Things like this do tell you about the real person that you are married to. Be prepared for more situations in the future. It sounds like she is capable of multiple attacks before she finally loses interest.

Good luck to you.

[angelis13]

First, I feel I must apologise for having a little whinge, I now know what has happened.
This has been eating me up, so after work today I went to my ex’s place and confronted her.
My ex didn’t “out” me out of spite, she did it with good intentions (and we all know they pave the road to hell) she did it because she thought it was the right thing to do, that our son should know about his fathers “condition” (her word not mine).
She knew I had been going to see my doctor and assumed I’d started HRT (I was seeing him to help ween me off the anti-seizure meds I’m on, he won’t let me start HRT until I’m safely off them, nearly there, one more dose reduction and I am in the clear).
So it was out of good intentions that she told our son, I still think it was wrong of her to have betrayed a trust, but it is in the open now, which is in itself a relief.
Now, for why my son’s attitude had changed since he was first told, my ex had thought she’d help him understand where I’m coming from and decided to show him an “educational” movie. And of all the ones to choose, they watched “The Adventures of Priscilla Queen of the Desert”, my son panicked and thought his father was a drag queen (Please don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against Drag Queens, I know a couple and I think their amazing), my ex wasn’t much help there, she honestly thought that’s what I was.
I waited till our son came home from university (he’s an absolute computer freak, he dropped out of high school when he was fifteen and approached one of the universities with some of his programming work and a couple of games he developed and they accepted him has an underage student, he’s now doing his diploma in “systems administration” and plans to be living in the US of A by the time his twenty one, and he’ll do it) I’m so proud of him.
We had a long talk and I’ve set the record straight, he was glad to see that even though his “dad” will be becoming his “other mother” I still love him and we still will be able to do all the things we have done in the past, and he was so relieved to find out I won’t be showing up in “drag”, that my clothing taste is more “normal”!! (he was petrified I’d be wearing costumes like they wore in the movie).
Thank you, everyone that responded, but my little “hissy” fit is over, every thing turned out OK.
I’ll leave you in peace now.

Angel