GG anonymous/ REVISITED

[Di]

I have a member that wants to post an anonymous question.So GG anonymous/ REVISITED

GG anonymous /What should I do?

Please I need your help. My partner is presently on hormone replacement therapy and going through electrolysis
plus going to therapist with plans for SRS.The problem is she only dresses enfemme for the doctor and therapist visits while they are being told she is living the life as a woman and she is not. She is in male mode living a male life. I wanted to discuss this with her therapist but she said I will ruin her life if I do anything to upset the apple cart and she will never forgive me.
I am scared she is making a huge mistake and I did not before.
But living a lie to get an end result she wants scares me.
Should I speak out to the therapist? Thank you for any advice you may have.

[Joan Merrie]

Depends, has she changed her name yet? Has she came out at work, family, friends?
I'm not totaly 24/7 yet,basicly I'm 24/5 and a half, as I'm waiting for my name change (my Endo, and therapist knows this). I go to my appointments, as me(Joan). But most every body in my life knows about me. and nearly all of my cloths are female.
If the therapist thinks she is 24/7, I think they should know.:hugs::love:

[Shikyo]

I hope I can answer if not I apologize.

In my opinion, she's making a mistake. By saying to the therapist a lie they cannot make a real valuation about her transsexuality. I also don't understand why she would want to go through HRT and SRS if she isn't willing to live a life as a girl now but instead lies to the therapist about it. To me it sounds like she isn't quite sure about the choice she's about to make. She might be making a mistake, which is something we all would want to avoid. This is a big step for both of you and one should be really sure about the choice.

Living full time is something that will give the person in question a really good picture about how the life will be after HRT and/or SRS. I've been living full time since it was possible without any bigger issues and I love it. It has given me the confidence that I'm not making a mistake with transitioning. There is a reason why the therapist and surgeons want one to go through RLT(real life test) so that the person can experience the life they are seeking themselves. Changing ones sex will not have an effect on the over all quality of life but to your mental health.

You have two choices a) talk about this with your husband b) talk to the therapist about this matter. Both options have the disadvantages but I personally think this is not something one should pass by without doing anything. You are clearly showing your love towards her and are worried about her. She shouldn't have a hard time understanding this at all.

[Sheila]

Hun, Debs and I are currently on the road of discovery with all this, but in a heartbeat would I inform her therapist if she was telling them one thing and doing the complete opposite .......... that to me is just plain crazy.

Debs is well aware what stepping outside the door 24/7 will/could mean for her life .... (and to a degree mine and my sons as well as we live with her) ......and the other relationships she currently has with friends and family, we both are, ....... which is why we are going to talk this through, very, very carefully, with each other, and with the professionals,...... Lying to them is so wrong, they are there to do the best they can for her/us, so we have to give them the tools they need from us to do that job to the best of their ability, and the biggest tool we can give them is "The TRUTH", at the end of the day if we give them anything less, the only people standing to be really messed up is us and our lives :sad:

[Steph2003]

If she's lying to her therapist, then she may be lying to herself! If the true need is there, then she’ll come clean with her GT.

I’ve told my GT EVERYTHING about me – more than I’ve ever wanted to admit or tell anyone.

You can’t lie to a therapist – otherwise, you’ll get the wrong answers!

[sherri52]

I think her lie is to herself. If she makes the final transition without living as a woman it may be a big shock for her. Try to get her to live the part before changing over to it.

[shesadvl]

I have a member that wants to post an anonymous question.So GG anonymous/ REVISITED

GG anonymous /What should I do?

Please I need your help. My partner is presently on hormone replacement therapy and going through electrolysis
plus going to therapist with plans for SRS.The problem is she only dresses enfemme for the doctor and therapist visits while they are being told she is living the life as a woman and she is not. She is in male mode living a male life. I wanted to discuss this with her therapist but she said I will ruin her life if I do anything to upset the apple cart and she will never forgive me.
I am scared she is making a huge mistake and I did not before.
But living a lie to get an end result she wants scares me.
Should I speak out to the therapist? Thank you for any advice you may have.

GG anonymous....
upon reading this and going through the support of a friend that had the love support of her family...... did everything right,.. and was saddened in pain because they made the wrong decision, on the basis that The end result is NOT REVERSABLE, nothing we/or the family/therapists could do to apease her plight,or pain, she had it all,...... she committed suicide., I wouldnt wish that end result on anyone.....no matter how hard they fight to transition.....:battingeyelashes:

Yes the THerapist needs to know,... no matter if she says you are going to ruin her life, she can still have what she wishes if shes living as they wish to see 24/7 as female, but one cant live both sides of the coin,.... is this the allure of all this???? that question needs to be asked...

NO2. IMHO it needs to be laid out in big black and white letters The end result is NOT REVERSABLE but is she wishing to have the SRS operation and still live in male mode....??????
I am sure that they wont do the SRS if this is going to happen, perhaps some of my more learned GG
friends of mine can correct me on that or advise to the point......
I think all areas need to be addressed....

Is it possible that there is a time that you can see the therapist by yourself,... explaining its for you...to your partner.??

perhaps the appointment covering what your fears are...to the therapist???
maybe something that you can do.

all the best ....:hugs:

[MJ]

Why does she want to undergo hormones and srs if "she" is not living full time

what is her justification for this. she is not ready i assume she is not out to everyone living a lie to get an end result she wants. what does she want?... if i were you i would stop this right now.

sorry but if she is not living full time and doing a real life test then she has no clue how to be a woman. and after srs she is not ready to take her place among woman in the real world.

this could mess her up big time.

And when it's cut off you can't put it Back.

If your going to do this Do it right. there's a reason why we have to do a real life test

[GypsyKaren]

The question that needs to be addressed is why she continues to live so much a male life, I've never known anyone who was serious about SRS doing that, it actually defies logic and is a huge red flag. You HAVE to know that you can handle life as a woman before surgery, it's a huge adjustment and not so easy, and little trips to the doctor mean nothing and don't count. I've seen too many who get all wrapped up in the fog, they desperately want to be a woman, none of it's a need...if it were my SO, I would be running to the therapist, someone has to be honest about this.

Karen :g1:

[Angie F]

With what you've said, that she is living in male mode, and telling them she is living as a woman full time, she is lying to them. question is why? Also why is she living in male mode if she is wanting SRS?

[Veronica_Jean]

I can only echo what the others have said.

I was once "cured" of my transvestism by a psychiatrist because I was not totally honest with him,l and here I am 25 years later in transition.

Honesty with the therapist and yourself is the ONLY way to go. Anything short of that will ruin your life forever.

good luck

(I would be making a phone call or running to the therapist)

Veronica

[Di]

Reply from GG anonymous /What should I do?


I want to extend my heartfelt thanks to everybody for your input and concern.And I know my concern is well founded now. To answer a few questions my husband is retired, we have told our children and immediate family but not his elderly parents or acquaintances.I have been very distraught and I know what needs to be done.

[Sheila]

GG anonymous /What should I do?


Am glad we were able to help you Sweetie, all the best for the future :hugs:

[Jessinthesprings]

Being in a similar point in my life/transition I think I may know how she feels. It's a big scarry world out there, with people that hate us. We need jobs, so we can provide a roof over ourselves and our family. While it may be illegal in several states to discrimanate based on trans status it is all to easy to find another excuse not to hire or fire a trans person for non-trans reasons. And if you sue the burdon of proof is on you. So unless you have a recording or witness to bring forth saying one thing while they are saying the opposite you are out of luck. And as a GG you know what a pain in the butt it is to get up at least 30min early just to get ready. For me it's at least an hour and a half. As a male I can pop out of bed take a 10 min shower and be out the door 5 to 10 minutes later. Males have it easy. Simply put.

Now for your question. Should you tell the doctors? That is not as easy as it would seem since your partner does not wish you to, but I do feel that they need to know. I doubt that your partner wants to have it both ways or still wants to be a male. Instead thinks that it will be easier to fully transition after hormones and surgery. But there is a reason for the real life test and I do think the she should practice it. If she's not ready then she's not ready for surguries. As far as hormones go I do not nessicarly think it would be bad for her to start without being full time. The femminizing effects will help with many things (mostly as a placebo effect) in making her transition easier. But again there should be some full disclosure to the therepists so they can monitor any signs that might indicate that this is not something she truely wants.

In the end for her safety you may have to, but I would be best if she told them.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

the red flag to me is the lying...

i think that gg/anon must clear that up immediately...

i have made irreversible changes to my appearance, and have been on hrt over a year....my fears about "passing" "acceptance" "finances" etc are very real .... i have lived mostly as a male during my very slow transition but I'm doing it my way....i have deep seated shame and self hate issues, and i have been slowly working through them...before i did any surgery on my face...i spent almost 2 months living as kaitlyn...i didnt work but i did everything else a person can do....i didnt really pass but i learned not to care as much and was upset to let my beard grow out again for electrolysis and surgery...

every situation is different...i actually do know one girl that is very successfully juggling her male job life and her female life including srs, hrt etc...she is very happy to be making $100k+ and her plan is to stick it out until her nest egg is big enough...so it takes all kinds

the thing is , she is very honest about her goals and her life...i have always been honest with my therapist and brutally honest with myself...this will serve me well over time and will serve your spouse over time...

but i do see red flags....if i was retired i would be jumping in both feet and every girl i know would be doing the same....perhaps she has deep seated issues that have not been confronted yet?? the therapist is working totally in the best interests of your spouse and must judge for themselves....it is tough love for sure, but i can't imagine not telling the therapist (not as a gotcha, but as an honest reach out to your partner)

all the best..

kaitlyn

[Dawn D.]

GG anonymous,

Are the two of you going to therapy together?

In my situation, my wife and I attend together. We also have the option of having individual sessions with our therapist. After in our relationship, it's not just all about me, it's about both of us together and making sure we stay that way. This way we can openly and without trepidation discuss things that are of concern to either of us before approaching the topic in joint sessions. We really only needed this "option" in the very early stages of therapy. But, it gave us a way of making our issues and concerns known without reservation.

My thought here is, if you are attending these sessions jointly then why not try to have an individual meeting. Let the therapist know at that time whats going one and your concerns over it. Then the therapist has a basis to know where, when and how to approach the issue with your partner without both of them being blindsided or uncomfortable with the topic at a joint session. It's just a thought.

My personal opinion is that she is not being openly honest with herself or her therapist. Therefore, she will not get the best care that she can get from therapy. And, as others have said here, this is a mistake. It would seem that there are lingering doubts about whether or not she feels she can live openly in the world as female. Whether it's a "passing" concern or a "confidence" issue, both of which need to be addressed in therapy. My thought is, were she to go through with this "plan" she has, she will ultimately regret her decision. That can have more disastrous results than you informing the therapist and the resulting fallout from that.


Dawn

[Heatherx75]

I agree with Kaitlyn. If I was retired, I'd BE full-time already. I can't imagine what could possibly be so important to stop that from happening in that situation. It also doesn't make sense to me why one would focus that much on getting approved for SRS before/without having gone full-time. To me, being accepted by everyone I interact with 24/7 is a much bigger deal. SRS is like the cherry on top of the sundae. (Well, maybe it's the nuts and the sprinkles, too, but being full-time would be the banana, the ice cream, whipped cream, and probably the fudge.)

[deja true]

...we have told our children and immediate family but not his elderly parents ...

I'm thinking this right here may be the problem... which sounds to me like a still deep-seated guilt or shame issue.

Or, if I may be crass...

Is there a possible inheritance involved that would be jeopardized by rejection from the parents?

There's just something that's not being vocalized here!

Sorry, but I guess somebody had to say it.

:straightface:

[morgan pure]

GG anonymous,

Transitioning is not easy. Your partner is not living a lie, only "presenting" a lie, and we queens have had to do that all our lives. Presenting a different personality (or sex) to the world than your real one is not unique to ts's etc.

Ask why. There are no rules about this stuff. Theres no right and wrong.

I'm on hormones but revealing my ts direction would cost me my job. I would win a lawsuit in my state, but would still lose a job that I love.

Morgan