Things other guys do that you don't think you'd get away with!

[Rhonda Jean]

Am I alone in this?

Over the course of many years I've noticed seemingly "ordinary" guys doing girly things that seem to not even get a second look. I usually think that if I did these same things I'd be condemned mightily. Don't get me wrong, I've done 'em, but what else would you expect from me! I always wonder what kind of gender stuff these guys are dealing with. I don't know if that thought even enters the mind of anyone else. The whole concept of "men's earrings", "men's makep", "men's nailpolish", and even "men's skirts" is baffling to me. Maybe it's a generational thing. I don't get, for instance, why a man would be willing to buy/wear "men's nailpolish" just because it's marketed to men and may be some ugly color. Is is that ugly nailpolish is masculine and pretty nailpolish is feminine? I don't get it. Examjples:

Men with earrings are everywhere. Bikers, athletes, you name it. But many of us are reluctant to get our ears pierced. What was going through their head when they decided to get their ears pierced? "This will make me look pretty?" Most of them are anythin but pretty. There was one boy in my sons class who had his ears pierced. I don't know when he had it done, but he wore hoops in pre-school. Never saw him wear studs. We attended his birthday party in first or second grade where he received a pair of hoops with a little dog figure dangleing from them from one of his friends and a pair of narrow dangles from his parents (Dad was in the military, BTW). All the women, including my wife said they were "so cute"! I know my wif actually thought it was sick.

Back in the '80s my wife's family was gathered at her mother's house. Her brother, a doctor, looked like he'd gotten a perm. My wif told his wife she liked it, and his wife said, "It's not a perm, I just roll it on little brush rollers." Everybody seemed to think it looked great. I've seen this same brother with frosted hair.

I saw a late 50's-ish guy with a full beard at a hair salon with his hair in 2" rollers.

Lots of nailpolish sightings. The Emo boys with black or dark burgundy is not uncommon. I've seen one zit-faced punk-looking boy out with his friends with bright red fingernails. A neighbor of ours who came back from Florida with his wife and daughter with red toenails and sandals. A week later mowing his grass... same sandals and red toes. A conservative looking couple at the grocery store, her with no polish on her toes, him with alternating blues and red. Another conservative looking 60-ish couple at Sam's, the guy with shorts and apparently hairless legs and pearl white polish on his toes. A young couple at a car show. He, a body builder type, with burgundy toes. Even one of the UFC fighters (Chuck Liddell?) wears polish on his toes.

A college football player on the sidelines with his shoulder-length hair pulled back with a headband.

African-American boys and men seem to take a lot of lattitude with feminine adornment and get away with it without question. Roller setting their hair, intricate braids, elaborate earrings and other jewelry, long nails...

I could go on and on. The point is, coming from my perspective, all these things are such definate gender markers (That's why I like 'em, after all!) that I don't understand how they can possibly ever be anything other that that to anyone else. In fact, I'd expect the general populace to be even more sensitive to it than I am.

Anyone else?

[Karren H]

The pervert alarm doesn't go off in john Q publics head until 2 or more "gender marker" flags are raised at the same time.. Personally I could care less what anyone else wears as long as they don't care what I wear..

[Miranda09]

Maybe with everything going on nowadays, what a person wears is not all that important to make a fuss over. I've had my hair permed a long time ago, on the encouragement AND insistence of my mom and sisters. An interesting experience, everyone noticed, said it looked good!! I only did it once tho...way too much trouble to bother with. :)

[Rhonda Jean]

The pervert alarm doesn't go off in john Q publics head until 2 or more "gender marker" flags are raised at the same time.. Personally I could care less what anyone else wears as long as they don't care what I wear..

That's quiten an observation, Karren. Great point. I'm going to have to think on that one.

It's not that I care what they wear, in the most common sense of the term, I'm just jealous and amazed they are able to pull it off without ever even beginning to trip the "pervert alarm", as you so aptly put it (Very funny, BTW!). Makes me think that these "gender markers" are much more noticable to us, and a lot more meaningful.

I say more power to them. I love it. Still jealous, though.

[nikkijo]

actually it doesnt seem to matter what people are wearing unless its blatantly obvious your trying to stick out even in "guy" mode most of my clothes are female and nobody notices that they arent "guy" clothes... and honestly emo kids are the exception to the gender rule... because they can and do do everything the oposite gender does in its entirity and generallyy the responce is oh that kid is just emo... and it really doesnt click that technically with the skinny jeans, eye shadow, nail polish, babydoll shirt, ect that they fit the truly technical definition of cross gender dressing.. it is definatly a cultural and generational thing.... makes it easier imo though to push limits of the mor conventional and conservitive people without raising the "pervert" flag.. so embrace it....

[Teri Jean]

In my case; people built this image of who they thought I was and now they find out I'm transitioning they get their panties in a bunch. It was fine for the earrings and the nail polish (clear) and when I wore jeans that were definately designed for a woman still no red flags. But when the individual starts the transition you are labled as a pervert, degenerate, and a lepor. The thing is they don't realize is the person is the same it is just they see another fact of the individual.

Maybe they should check their closet because mine is in order and neat. Skirts and dresses on the right, Blouses and tops in the middle and lingere on the left. LOL

[vivian fair]

Actually I'm 71,and yes I know I only look 55-60, but my legs are naturally hairless looking. But I do have about 7 or eight on each leg. And its nearly the same above my knees. Just to prove I don't shave or nair them. I do have to add the coloring though.:straightface:

[Karren H]

Lol... Rhonda.. I've become deaf from hearing the alarm going off.. I always have 3 or 4 markers at any time... Last Friday it was pink tie, pinkie rings., nail polish and mascara.... No one paid any attention.. Today a silent alarm went off when a group of coworkers came in for a imprompue meeting and someone shut my door revealing a recently dry-cleaned dress hanging on the back of the door... Eyes widened for a few seconds.. Not mine... Theirs... I don't hide it like I used to but I also don't flaunt it.. Fine line between bravery and stupidity... I know.. I've crossded it way too many times.. Sigh...

[Rhonda Jean]

Lol... Rhonda.. I've become deaf from hearing the alarm going off.. I always have 3 or 4 markers at any time... Last Friday it was pink tie, pinkie rings., nail polish and mascara.... No one paid any attention.. Today a silent alarm went off when a group of coworkers came in for a imprompue meeting and someone shut my door revealing a recently dry-cleaned dress hanging on the back of the door... Eyes widened for a few seconds.. Not mine... Theirs... I don't hide it like I used to but I also don't flaunt it.. Fine line between bravery and stupidity... I know.. I've crossded it way too many times.. Sigh...

You know, Karren, you may be one of the ones I'm talking about! We all know your secret, though (if there is a secret anymore!). I've read your accounts of this kind of stuff for a long time, yet things at word are apparently unchanged. Is it that you're pretty much out at work and they just don't know what you're out as?

The common opinion may be that you're gay or bi, and I think we're at a "place" now where the issue of someone's sexual orientation is avoided at work. I don't think that's the case with crossdressers, maybe especially straight crossdressers. Wouldn't be where I work.

I know you don't care, but don't you kind of wonder.

And what about your wife? Surely she can't overlook that you're wearing mascara and nailpolish (color) to work.

God, I can't play on your level! A crossdressing adrenaline junkie! Must be fun, but....Whew!

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Well, fwiw, I think environment has a little to do with it, or maybe quite a bit actually. Now that I live in the Seattle area as opposed to the little town I used to live in I wear my "freak flags" a lot more openly than I used to. Things that would turn heads in my previous little town of 5,000 souls don't even merit a glance around here. Earrings, shaved arms, shaved legs, pink flipflops, girl jeans and shorts, let alone full regalia, no one notices, or if they do they don't give a damn.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Ms Mira]

If other guys can get away with it, why can't you? I mean, to most people, you're just another guy!

[Jamie001]

This is one of the best threads that I have seen on this forum in a long time because the question really needed to be asked!!

I believe that the reason guys can get away with it is because they are incorporating feminine accessories into their overall look, but they are not attempting to pass as a woman. For example, there is not one single item of male clothing that is off-limits to a woman, however it is also important to realize that the woman that is incorporating the male items is not attempting to pass as a man. I do not ever attempt to pass as a woman. I only incorporate feminine accessories such as fem hair, red polished toenails, women's sandals, skirts, etc into my look. I just like the clothing and the accessories without having to pass as a woman. I really believe that this the big difference and the reason that men can "get away" with it. Also, as long as you have CONFIDENCE and exhibit confidence in the manner that you carry yourself, people will respect you. On the other hand, if you act like a terrified rabbit, alarms will go off in people's heads. That is the key.

Jamie :2c:

[crusadergirl]

This is a good thread i been wonder about this for a long time. I see many guys going emo with the skinny jeans and a belt that u know its a girl style one. Same thing with the glasses. I like the cyber goth look not so much emo stuff. But i notice from time to time. Yeah why can they do this and not me was my question. The skinny pants i won't do that i'm not in too at all. The other stuff like the arm warmers and some eye shadow i can do.

[Fab Karen]

"I could go on and on. The point is, coming from my perspective, all these things are such definate gender markers (That's why I like 'em, after all!) that I don't understand how they can possibly ever be anything other than that to anyone else."
It's the 21st. Century. Your definition of gender markers is archaic.

[Rhonda Jean]

Karen,
I suppose that's why I love to crossdress! I LOVE the gender markers. If there weren't any gender markers I don't know what I'd be!

I don't wear makeup, etc., etc., because I think they make me a better looking guy! Or even a better looking person. I wear it because it make me look like a woman!

[Alice B]

I think that maybe in the past some of these things could be gender markers, but not in today's world. I've had pierced ears and wear ear rings for over 10 years. I have a large selection of ear rings for different situations. Alice and other wise. My wife has had ear rings made for me that are fine in my male world and I've never had a negative comment from anyone. But, I've had lots of complements from sources I would have never expected. My legs are shaved and again, never a negative comment and my basic world is very masculine. My toe nails are painted and usually covered when out, but lately not so much. All the family has now seen them and like it. I leave for a 6 week diving trip in Indonesia in 2 weeks and will keep my toe nails painted black. My wife has come to accept this and has no problem with it and she is very conservative. Bottom line. Don't feel you are strange if you do any of these things. No one else cares and many will like it.:hugs:

[sherri52]

Karen I do the same. While in male mode I wear womens jeans or even capris, clear polish, mascara and I always hav between two an four earings in. Studs but pink, or a pearl or both in one ear or maybe three colors in on ear. No one ever says a word. Oh I guess I have the word now, I'm in the wrong thread.

[Sammy777]

The pervert alarm doesn't go off in john Q publics head until 2 or more "gender marker" flags are raised at the same time..



I've become deaf from hearing the alarm going off..
I always have 3 or 4 markers at any time...
Last Friday it was pink tie, pinkie rings., nail polish and mascara....

So is that what is causing the ringing in my ears? :lol2:

So how many flags is this then?
long hair
6 earrings [3 a side]
4 or 5 rings
[B]PS- Added- So what is the current line of thinking with pinky rings anyway??
3 or 4 bracelets
A necklace or two
long painted nails
no body hair
waxed brows

Oh and the clothes, don't forget the clothes.... :lol2:

I must have more flags then the UN and can probably be heard a good 5 miles away.

Yet for the most part I really don't get much of any response to it all.
At least not bad ones.

[Rachel Morley]

The point is, coming from my perspective, all these things are such definate gender markers (That's why I like 'em, after all!) that I don't understand how they can possibly ever be anything other that that to anyone else.
To non CDers, how about fashion? .... or just because they want to be different and cool? :D

[Rhonda Jean]

To non CDers, how about fashion? .... or just because they want to be different and cool? :D

I understand the desire on the part of the individual. I just don't understand why it's overlooked on some (or at least not identified as feminine) and on others (like me) it's not.

[Fab Karen]

"PS- Added- So what is the current line of thinking with pinky rings anyway??"
On a guy, ( gold and/or diamond ) you're either a rapper or a mobster.

[Jamie001]

Rhonda,

Are you attempting to pass as a woman when wearing these items? The majority of the "non-CD" men that are wearing feminine items or makeup are not attempting to pass as a woman. I believe this is the answer to your question. Also, when women incorporate masculine articles into their look, they are not attempting to pass as a man.

:2c: Jamie


I understand the desire on the part of the individual. I just don't understand why it's overlooked on some (or at least not identified as feminine) and on others (like me) it's not.

[Miss Anthropic]

This is a great topic. I too have always wondered what these guys motivation is. I just don't get it.

I have a friend, our roomate actually, who has his ears and eyebrow pierced. He always wears small-ish hoops in his ears and has a bar in his eyebrow that is very similar to the one my ex-girlfriend used to wear. This same guy would be enraged if he was associated with being femme at all; I'm just not sure how that works in his head. I guess they're just more secure in there masculinity than I could ever be, maybe becuase they don't have even think about femininity, I know he doesn't.....women are for cookin', cleanin' and ****in' to him. :rolleyes:

I kinda of always have the "girlyness" in the back of my head I suppose, so I always feel like if I'm doing anything or wearing anything even remotely femme, everyone automatically knows I'm a CD'er. Guess that's not always the case, but that does change me thinking like that.

I have been out and about with mascara and black nails a few times in guy mode becuase my girlfriend was into it, and of course I got weird looks while others guys don't when doing the same thing. Maybe people can see my insecurity..... I dunno.

[Rhonda Jean]

This is a great topic. I too have always wondered what these guys motivation is. I just don't get it.

I have a friend, our roomate actually, who has his ears and eyebrow pierced. He always wears small-ish hoops in his ears and has a bar in his eyebrow that is very similar to the one my ex-girlfriend used to wear. This same guy would be enraged if he was associated with being femme at all; I'm just not sure how that works in his head. I guess they're just more secure in there masculinity than I could ever be, maybe becuase they don't have even think about femininity, I know he doesn't.....women are for cookin', cleanin' and ****in' to him. :rolleyes:

I kinda of always have the "girlyness" in the back of my head I suppose, so I always feel like if I'm doing anything or wearing anything even remotely femme, everyone automatically knows I'm a CD'er. Guess that's not always the case, but that does change me thinking like that.

I have been out and about with mascara and black nails a few times in guy mode becuase my girlfriend was into it, and of course I got weird looks while others guys don't when doing the same thing. Maybe people can see my insecurity..... I dunno.

Esactly!

I'm not saying there's anything "wrong" wit doing these things as a guy, just that when I do it I at least "think" it's percieved as femme. On them it's not.

I've done it all myself. Sometimes I don't want to get completely femmed up, but I need a little fix. I've done full facial makeup, slicked my hair back in a ponytail and worn jeans and a mens oxford shirt. Worn nailpolish as a guy lots of times. Worn curlers in public as a guy. You get the drift. I attracted a lot more attention than when I'm completely dressed, and I don't think anybody thought I was anything other than what I was... A crossdresser too lazy to get completely femmed up. Not that it mattered. I kinda liked the attention. But no one thought I was just a fashion-forward guy!

[Rebecca Jayne]

How confident are you?
Can you look a stranger in the eye and not blink?
Is your self esteem strong?
Are you proud of yourself, no questions asked?
When you look in the mirror, is the reflection true?

I believe that when you present yourself in a confident, sure manner,
when you believe in yourself and what you do and you can say yes to yourself,
you are in charge of the moment, not vica versa, and that is a good thing.

[Sophie Lynne]

I have earrings and it's not a huge deal where I am. (Wife hates it though) That said, I got them for my fem persona. I can't wait to wear hoops!

As for the other stuff, it's amazing how the gender lines have blurred. I think it really has to do with where you live and what you feel you can get away with.

[Sally2005]

This has crossed my mind before... it goes like this...why can't I get pierced ears? Hmmm.... because I'm not considered cool enough or odd enough that everyone will just accept it. I'm too average, so people will notice and wonder why did it do it? Same for shaving my legs...I'm too average to use most of the reasons people have so it might be noticed. However, I'm working on being unusual...so in the near future I might just do it and say I was trying to be cool while people around me just say he's a bit odd, but so what?

The gender marker thing is true...also a really strong male marker can cancel out one or two female ones.

[Ralph]

This reminds me of a hilarious conversation I overheard the other day near our neighborhood park. There is a little skateboarding area in the park, and a bunch of typical teens (baggy pants, grungy shirts, etc.) were hanging around. As I passed by, I heard one of them say to the other "Dude, I really like your earrings."

I nearly burst out laughing as I thought how normal that sounds, even among (presumably straight) males - when a decade or two ago it would have set off every gaydar in town.

[Sammy777]

"PS- Added- So what is the current line of thinking with pinky rings anyway??"
On a guy, ( gold and/or diamond ) you're either a rapper or a mobster.

Yes true, :lol2:
But what if your name isn't Biggie, Fitdy Cent or Antonio? :D
And the rings aren't gold, diamond, or as big as your fist?


As I passed by, I heard one of them say to the other "Dude, I really like your earrings."

I nearly burst out laughing as I thought how normal that sounds, even among (presumably straight) males - when a decade or two ago it would have set off every gaydar in town.

That has been going on for a long time now. Granted in more of the head banging heavy metal rocker circles, LOL.
I have gotten plenty of compliments and what not from guys and girls alike in the past about earrings I was wearing.
Granted it was more like - Dude! That earring is Fk'in wicked! :lol2:
But you get the point, as do I get yours that yes it is quite the common thing now and days.