Recently Caught again by SO

[Sierra Aure]

About 7yrs I came out to my SO we went and meet a couple who were open in their relationship, she seemed upset and allowed me to go out as long as she did not see me dressed. This lasted about a year. I was able to wear stockings with her a couple of times. I don't think she was approving but tolerant of it.

Time went by and I hid it not shaving my body down anymore I think she belived I wasnt dressing anymore. Last year sometime I accidently left out some stockings which she found made mention and that was the end of it. Just this week I had come home early and was getting ready to get all dolled up, she came home early too to my surprise and I had no time to undress and clean up my things, she came in saw me and said sternly " You know I dont want to see that." She hasnt spoken of the incident further it has been a few days, what direction do I need to take?

[linnea]

Perhaps just apologizing with the point that you didn't expect her to come home early would be enough. If these are the only incidents in seven years, I'd say that you have stuck to the agreement pretty well, but you might talk to her about how it makes her feel when she sees evidence of your dressing en femme or she actually sees you dressed en femme. Depending on what she tells you, acknowledge that her feelings may really be mixed and confused or even angry or whatever.
Good luck.

[sherri52]

All you can really do is appologize for her catching you. You did expect her to stay out longer. At least the other women in you life is you lol.. But, don't say that it will only make matters worse. If you love your wife, you may be in the closet forever and regretting it when you get older.

[DemonicDaughter]

I'm sorry to say this, and will risk being flamed for it, but you SHOULDN'T apologize!

This is who you are and you did not deliberately dress in front of her! It is SHE who came home early and surprised YOU!

Obviously she knows you do this and is willing to ignore it. So be it. That's her choice. But you shouldn't have to apologize for being who you are LEAST of all when you are abiding by the guidelines of your relationship!

If she's choosing to turn a blind eye to this and won't talk about it, then that's her right. But make sure she is fully aware that you are okay with answering anything regarding your dressing, that she can ask whatever she wants and is more than welcome to come to this site and meet other women in the same sort of relationship.

Beyond that...

Don't apologize for who you are, what you do or how you do it. Only when you actually do something wrong should you say you are sorry for it.

[Sallee]

You are right with your answer It was Sierra time And the wife could haveannounced she be home early or since she chooses to ignore the dress she could have ignored what she saw

[Miranda09]

Sierra, how much have you really sat down with her and had a serious, in depth discussion about your CDing? It seems like she's setting some very biased, and intolerant rules here. I know she is an important part of your life, but a marriage is supposed to be a 2 way street. I'm NOT saying force it down her throat...so to speak. I am saying take time to discuss the situation and maybe at the very least, come to some compromises. If you appraoch it slowly, without a defensive attitude, things could change for the better. Good luck hun. :)

[TNRobin]

Sierra, how much have you really sat down with her and had a serious, in depth discussion about your CDing? It seems like she's setting some very biased, and intolerant rules here. I know she is an important part of your life, but a marriage is supposed to be a 2 way street. I'm NOT saying force it down her throat...so to speak. I am saying take time to discuss the situation and maybe at the very least, come to some compromises. If you appraoch it slowly, without a defensive attitude, things could change for the better. Good luck hun. :)

That's some really good advice. You might also talk about times when you can crossdress. Work it out so that you can still crossdress when she won't be around. Hopefully she's at least open to talking about issues.

GGs are a strange but wonderful lot, at least they are to me. My ex would have immediately called our minister and arranged an intervention. My current, and hopefully permenant, girlfriend would give me a great big kiss and tell me how cute I looked, and she does.

I do tend to agree with DemonicDaughter, that an apology is not in order, but then there are some people, both men and women, that feel that they can do no wrong and the other person should always offer an apology. Not trying to put down your SO, just saying.

By the way, are you two married? Things like this can be real relationship killers and need to be addressed, not just forgotten about until the next time. That's a sure way to make trouble down the road.

[Kari Lynn Franks]

Im with D.D.no need to apoligize

[niktesla]

Gee - I bet your heart was in your throat - when you knew she was home and had no time to put all your stuff away and pretend like nothing was going on - sorry you had that - but I never got caught per say - being sloppy at clearing my my internet history - made me have to spill the beans about CD fetish initially and she could not wrap her mind around it. We had other issues : communication, emotional connection, her neediness, my independance and I was basically replaced in my situation by what I thought was a good/close friend and CD/fetish issue was never brought up again. Now I am on my own, live alone, I dress up about once a month, maybe twice, I do not go out into public, no make up, no wigs, no shave, no nail paint, just clothes and shoes for short stints until the thrill is over. Thanks for sharing, reply if you want. niktesla

[Rebecca Jayne]

Sounds like my wife.
Its still don't ask don't tell
But just to remind her
I still cross dress
I put on Monty Python.


Hi Bruce,
What's 'oing on Bruce

Just don't say Semprini, Bruce

[mklinden2010]

>>She hasnt spoken of the incident further it has been a few days, what direction do I need to take?


Take this direction: do what you damn well please.

You've talked about it, she knows about it - she's beating you up with it and/or you're beating yourself up with it. Enough, already.

She'll get used to it, or, she won't. With luck, she won't waffle on you and you can both agree to seek happiness elsewhere.

But, again, do what you damn well please. Could be that your not following through and being strong about what you want is leaving her to wonder what she should do...

If my SO comes home and I'm dressed, or, getting dressed, I get myself to the door and help her carry in her computer, groceries, whatever.

Life is about showing up. Don't hide.

[Sierra Aure]

Thanks, I really did not want to apologize as I felt I did nothing wrong. We had some discussions in the past and perhaps its time to revisit them.

[Tina B.]

YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!
Tina

[mskanuchi]

I agree - you did nothing wrong. Maybe she was upset at you being home when she came home early to do something she's been keeping from you?
My wife was a bit miffed at me having her cut my eyebrows down this weekend, she plucked and shaped them for me, then made a comment that she dosen't want me to look totally like a woman, I let her know that good grooming was all it was about, end of discussion. She did say later last night that she likes the way they look.
Start honestly in a relationship, avoid misunderstandings.

Again - you did nothing wrong.

[Karren H]

To you you did nothing wrong... but in her eyes... If she doesn't like it then you did do something wrong.. So theirs a disconect here and you better talk it out and get on the same page.. Or come to some kind of agreement.... Else it will only get worse, the next time it happens... And it will happen again.. Imho....

[Ralph]

Karren has it exactly right, there needs to be better communication of expectations. Try to explain to her why you can't just stop once and for all, what it's like for you when you go long periods without dressing. And, as always, make it clear that you're still the man she fell in love with and you will do everything it is physically possible for you to do to make her happy -- but to never dress again would be an unbearable hardship on you.

[KayC]

Were you married before you told her? If so, she may feel this isn't who she married, signed on for, etc. and may feel betrayed by the sight of you dressed. However, you are a CD and she really needs to learn what that means...and what it doesn't...burying her head in the sand doesn't help either of you. You did nothing wrong and have nothing to apologize for...if anything, she could apologize for being so abrupt and intolerant, but hey, that's just me. Communication is very important, maybe the two of you could sit down and talk and you could tell her how necessary it is for you to have a time to dress without being made to feel "bad" in your own home...and could agree on when and how often, and as long as you let her know you're going to be dressed come Wednesday evening...she could come home or stay out as she pleases...leave it up to her whether she wants to see you or not. But you have a right to some breathing room too. Marriage is a two way street and it's up to both of you to be understanding and respectful, it's not all one way or no way. Some compromise should be able to be reached!

[ggtracy]

I agree with the others here that you have to talk to her about the event. I am not saying you need to apologize but you can acknowledge the situation and how it must have surprised and/or upset her some. give her a chance to share her feelings and try not to be defensive.

I don't know your wife's situation but many of us GG's don't have others that they feel comfortable talking to you about our partner's CDing. sometimes just expressing a feeling can help out a lot.

[Satrana]

I greatly dislike any situation when a SO buries their head in the sand. It leaves everything unresolved and wounds can never heal. Sorry but it is a silly, immature approach that helps no-one. I can understand why someone would do this as an initial response to a subject they find overwhelming, but that excuse becomes invalid after years have passed.

This head in the sand approach not only leaves everything up in the air, it also gives her the excuse she wants for herself to not educate herself or find support so that she can soften her attitude. In other words she wants to remain unaccepting which is unfair on you. This is the antithesis of love.

The direction you need to take is to stop the pretense for both your sakes. I am sure neither of you want to live for the rest of your lives like this. It is time to start talking and getting sensible and respectful obligations in place. She has obliged you to not dress while she is around, she should be obliged to find support and education so that this rule, which can only distance the two of you, can eventually be placed in the bin where it belongs.

[carrie-ann]

Ok not many is going to agree with this but here it goes. First I have been in the closet most of my life it realy sucks. Second She set the rules and you have tried to conform this don't mean I agree with it. You both deserve to be happy thats the way life is suppose to be. She needs to understand thats what makes you happy. I'm sure she has her things that she likes to do or have that you don't agree with. She needs to be more understanding peirod.

[mklinden2010]

Just to mention this again - that you don't tell someone something and they find out later, and they do nothing about not being told but gripe and harp - is their problem.

Yes, you omitted some facts. Yes, you knew something they didn't know and they got upset. But, again, if they don't hit the door, so what? Issue presented; it's the past; move on.

If they stick around, if you stick around, you both need to work together to get back to a happy place. If they don't, if you don't, then shame on both of you for not doing better.

Where you get to will not be where you were. So what? If it turns out better, so much the better. If you both wind up happier someplace else, with someone else, isn't that a good thing?

Everyone get their own results. Things do get dumped on you, but you need to do something about it besides stew.

[Sarah_GG]

I'm sorry to say this, and will risk being flamed for it, but you SHOULDN'T apologize!

This is who you are and you did not deliberately dress in front of her! It is SHE who came home early and surprised YOU!

Don't apologize for who you are, what you do or how you do it. Only when you actually do something wrong should you say you are sorry for it.

I agree.