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View Full Version : Please . . . . . We need help ! ! !



CD202Leanne
09-21-2009, 12:36 PM
Hi everyone,

Please help us . . . . . My fiancée “found out” about my X-dressing last fall while I was working out of town for what ended up being 10 months. She has agreed to try to be as accepting as she possibly can, and at this point we are trying to work my dressing into our relationship. As I stated in a previous thread, she has joined a couple other sites dealing with the issue, and while I continue suggesting that she at least look into crossdressers.com, she has not done so yet.
On her own while I was still out of town, she had attended one meeting of the local Tri-Ess chapter but it seems everyone in that particular group is YEARS into it, most of them are considerably older than us. I'm not sure how many CDs in that group have S/O's who are involving themselves . . . . . .
We are desperately seeking advice and support, as my S/O feels completely alone and feels she has nobody to talk to regarding the whole issue. She has recently had correspondence with a CD from one of the other sites who touched on something that I had never considered:
by me “coming out” of MY closet and revealing the truth, I have inadvertently thrown her INTO her own closet . . . . . Totally un-intended of course, but that’s the reality of the situation. She feels completely isolated and alone, and feels there is no one she can turn to, no one to lean on, no one to talk to and no where to go.

We don’t talk about it as much as we probably should, and I guess that’s my fault, and we haven’t exactly “grabbed the bull by the horns” either. As suggested by others, I have been willing to go at HER PACE, and not push the issue, and let the cards fall as they may, so to speak . . . . . But then she gets frustrated with me for not addressing the issue. Several weeks ago she informed me that one night a week is now “play night” but apparently I misunderstood and didn’t realize that she meant it was my night to dress up. We did have a talk about that and I think now we are on the same page. She has seen a few pictures of me totally en femme, but has only seen me completely dressed one time (it turned into a disaster) and since then I have only worn the clothes and breast forms, no shaving, no make-up, no wig, and dressed quite casual (capris and girly blouse). This past weekend we were supposed to go to the local Tri-Ess meeting and she suggested we go to a CD/TG friendly club in the area afterward (they have drag shows) but the meeting was postponed until this coming weekend, so we scrapped the club idea as well, and just went out to a local bar (me in drab).



Any input or advice would be greatly appreciated and with the quickness PLEASE ! !

Thank you . . . . . .

Leanne

Di
09-21-2009, 12:57 PM
Well we have a FAB/ GG section here but she will need to join the forum on her own . We have alot of GG's she can talk to and the loved ones section she can ask questions till she gets her ten posts and can ask for access to Fab.

About wanting to meet others there is a Meeting place section you can post in.

You said she
gets frustrated with me for not addressing the issue. Please talk and sort things out, she is willing to work this out with you please do not shut her out. Talk to her.It is more important to see what works for the two of you than what others do.

Best Wishes

KayC
09-21-2009, 01:08 PM
Leanne,
I strongly urge you to please encourage her to get on this site and tell her to get her ten posts in so she can apply to FAB...she will no longer feel alone and can get her questions answered. It has been a lifesaver to me! I do know what she means and she will be understood and sensitively addressed there.

DemonicDaughter
09-21-2009, 01:37 PM
Print the posts from this thread and show her how many other SO's have replied.

She's FAR from alone. :)

Round Robin
09-21-2009, 02:06 PM
My husband and I have been together many years and I just found out about a month ago. Total shock. We have talked and talked about this and setting limits seems to be working. When I first found out I was very angry, confused and felt so alone like your fiancee. I am seeing a therapist who helped me put some things in perspective. Suggest that to her. My therapist told me that accepting my husband's CDing doesn't mean I have to like it, I just have not to give him a hard time about it.

Sheila
09-21-2009, 02:13 PM
she is not alone hun and like the others suggest, let her know we have a GG section here, where she can come and talk to us FAB (Females At Birth) ladies, we don't judge, yell, try to convince her of anything, it is a safe place fore her to talk through her feelings, with people that are going through how she feels right now, with others that a fair way along the road and with even more others who have been involved in this lifestyle for years and years ......... she is far from alone :hugs:

Sheila

Sandra
09-22-2009, 09:10 AM
I can only agree with what the others have said, show her this page and the replies...and suggest that she joins us.

Jamie VieJolie
09-22-2009, 09:29 AM
Communication is number one.

I told my wife about my dressing when we started dating. Fortunately she is super cool and didn't freak out about it. She's been getting more comfortable with it as time goes by but I also don't dress all the time.

We do talk about it. That's the main thing. It has to be in the open and you have to be able to be comfortable with it.

We all have a right to be happy. Some CDs have to dress in secret or keep it out of their wives' faces. I didn't want to live this way so I told my wife early on. I love her but if she can't accept me for who I am it's best we part ways.
You have to be someone who will accept you for who you are. Fortunately my wife is awesome and does accept me.

And I believe its best not to repress. I think that if you do there is a good chance that down the road, in a marriage, you will start dressing again and then just go crazy with it.

Karren H
09-22-2009, 11:09 AM
More than anything my wife hates that my secret put a huge burden on her shoulders.. And there isn't a lot you can do to reduce it either.. Yeah you can talk about it but its still there and will never go away..