Don't know if I'll ever date cd's again...

[QueenofHearts]

Hi!

I'm new here. I found this forum through a Google search and I think it's a good place to ask the questions I have.

I'm a GG, I posted on the introductions thread for GG's and read the forum rules.

I ended a LTR with someone who was into crossdressing a few months ago and it wasn't due to their crossdressing. I'm finally starting to think about dating again and what I would be looking for. Before last week I was thinking "I will NEVER date another guy into crossdressing!". I think more so because of the hurt from my ex and he was a cd so, negative association?? lol But then I had a really good chat with a male friend about things (he is also into crossdressing) and it made me think about it a bit more. But it also raised some questions.

This question is for everyone as I'd like to hear both sides.

How often do you dress? And, sorry if this is too personal, but....do you have to stay dressed during sex? And for the GG partners: Do you want/need your partner to be in "male-mode" a certain percentage of the time? Are you always happy with making love to them dressed in female clothing or not?

I was not only into my partners crossdressing, but I got turned on by it too. BUT, I *did* need him to be in "male-mode" at times as well. Part of the turn on was the contrast. I didn't want someone 'en femme' all the time and he even told me that he wasn't interested in that. But towards the end, it seems like he was dressing more (and on his own) and when we had sex he was in the feminine mindset. And it was starting to go from a turn-on to resentment. I didn't feel like my needs were getting met as I wanted to be the female in the relationship at times! Geez! Imagine a genetic female wanted to be the female in the relationship!! lol But seriously, crossdressing can change the dynamic in a relationship and sometimes I felt like the 'man' in the relationship even though I am anything but! And when I think about those things I think, I just can't deal with that again.

I don't know....in some ways dating/being in a relationship with a cd had it's perks. It was like having a girlfriend and boyfriend all rolled into one, and it was kinda fun. I've never been the kind of woman who likes the Alpha male types anyway. But I KNOW that I could NOT deal with a guy who wanted to be dressed ALL the time or even 80% of the time. Just because I like chocolate, doesn't mean I want to eat it all the time either! ;-)

GG's?? Are there others out there like me? Do you enjoy your partners crossdressing but you need him in "male-mode" at times??

Thank you.

Queen of Hearts (Sorry, didn't want to post my real name)

[PaulaJaneThomas]

How often do you dress?

I get dressed every morning (England's climate is not generally conducive to nudity). Sometimes I present as male (generally a Compo Simmanite look-alike), sometimes as female (usually casual top and jeans).


And, sorry if this is too personal, but....do you have to stay dressed during sex?

I'm usually too busy trying to not break wind to worry about such trivia :PaulaJaneThomas: :o

[Leasa Wells]

dual role, sometimes i feel more girl and other i am just a guy. I often fought that dual role now i am trying to embrace it. I think if you in a relationship it good to know how each feels. Strike a balance, make time to meet each other needs. Commication is the key I hope this helps.

Lisa

[Josey]

In my relationship there is mutal understanding of each others roles. As a CDer who has a SO who accepts this side of me, we spent many hours setting the ground rules. Being a CDer 100% of the is out of the question. A happy middle ground has been struct. Having intimate time together can and often is in CD mode. However my SO expects me to remain the agressor which is in keeping with a "balanced" relationship. When out together I dress down as to not appear femine, no wig, heavy makeup,etc. However, still dress in fem but not to draw attention to myself as a crossdresser. I hope I've helped out here with my remarks.

[Jonianne]

You will find crossdressers across the whole spectrum. On average, I guess I get dressed once a month or so and go out at most, 4 or 5 times a year, to walk through a park or along the beach. I've always identified myself as a male who likes to identify "with" women, but not "as" a woman.

[Claire Cook]

Hi,

I think this all depends on the two people involved; you have to find your own level of comfort with each other .. and respect each other's wishes. For my part, I dress for a little while every day in the early AM -- bring the wife coffee that way ... but in male clothes most of the time. I have only rarely gone out with her in public en femme, as she is not totally comfortable with that.

As for sex, once in a while with femme clothes, but usually not.

[Gisele]

I can truly understand what you are saying in your post.

I do myself dress just about all of the time when home and out and about I do pertty much wear some womens clothing sans hair and makeup. I go out fully dressed off and on. Now, for work I am all male except for my undies:heehee:.

Jennifer (my other half) she will ask if something is wrong if I don't get dressed as Gisele when we are home. LOL being a girl so so much work! I have my days that women have, You know hair in a pony tail t-shirt and sweats type of day. She has grown to see me as Gisele. We have been together for 9yrs as of the 24th this month.

As for in the bed room we are a couple of girls most of the time. She says I am truly a woman in bed as I give her such soft and tender treatment.
There are times I strip down and will toss her in the bed and be my guy self.:)

She loves me and I her. I would be 100% male if she wanted me too. I know she wouldn't want me to be as she knows that I am more female than male. That would be like me wanting her to wear mens clothing all of the time. That ain't going to happen as she is way more female than male.

We talked about her loving me as Gisele. I asked her if she thought she maybe gay/bi as she now loves me as a woman. She assures me that she is not either gay/bi. LOL some times I wonder as she points out some real hot women when I are out. But really she knows I am always looking for a new look to try and she is always on the look out for me. Just so happens much of the real hot girls/women have a style that I like.

All in all she is a crossdressers best friend and never sees anyone here as a pervert or a freak but just another person. She even attends the CD/trans meetings with me (when I can go) She has even went without me!:eek: She has made friends there and loves the other girls that attend.

Sugar, I hope you find what you are looking for! I know I have after many years of looking.

Much love, Gisele:hugs:

[Aaron Zwidling]

I'd have to estimate I am dressed completely as a male 95% of the time. Regarding staying dressed during sex question, I'm typically never dressed when we start, however my wife will often add it in at some point during the session. She says I get more excited when dressed than otherwise, and that gets her more excited, making the whole thing that much better.

I always try and meet my wife's needs whatever they may be, and certainly try and make sure my 'dressing' doesn't get in the way of anything. Of course we have been happily married for a number of years whereas you are still dating, so the difference could easily be you haven't found that certain compatible someone CD or otherwise.

Regarding your ex-boyfriend, my guess is difficulties in the relationship where making him unhappy, and the unhappiness was causing him to withdraw and dress more. In other words the excessive dressing sounds more like a symptom of the problem than the cause of it, at least from his point of view. From your point of view it sounds like that behaviour caused the relationship to end that much quicker.

[jo_ann]

how often can really vary, as much as the reasons for crossdressing itself. I started out crossdressing when I was younger simply for a turn-on (which was often), now I dress maybe once a month if I'm lucky, and mostly to fullfill a feminine need. I don't know if I'm just hanging onto something, if perhaps my wife isn't fulfilling the femme role or what (most of us don't even know the motivation ourselves).

One thing I will say, once a crossdresser, always a crossdresser. Also, for a lot of us, it comes in waves. We can be male mode for months at a time, and then suddenly we feel like we have to dress up everyday for a week. I don't know if it's a male version of the period or what, but I find a lot of crossdressers go through this.

All I can say is the next guy you meet, make sure you communicate well before getting too deep into the relationship, and make sure he's completely honest with you (as far as how often, how he likes to dress, and when).

[Raychel]

My wife has set some rules here, She has told me that she never wishes to see me dressed. I am allowed to wear lingerie to bed, but never during those intimate times. I am to be all man for her at those times. She does arragne for me to have some alone time for my complete dressing. So we have arrived at a pretty good compromise. Ground rules and compromise, works for us. :2c:

[carolinebrookes]

Hi Queen of Hearts,

There seems to be some sort of mental link with crossdressing and sex for some people.
As for myself, I don't correlate the 2. For me, they are both seperate things and when I'm in the bedroom, I'm all man.
I do understand that for some, both go hand in hand, but I have no desire to be in fem mode during sex. It would weird me out too much to be in that position and I feel equally so for my partner.

As for how often I dress? it varies wildly though I'd say I do it when I know I have enough time to justify doing so properly. Again here, I have no desire to dress all of the time.
Hope this helps a little as to the mindset of some of us.

[carrie-ann]

My wife new before we were married. That makes it a lot easyer. But there is still the work place and neighbors to live with. I'm a full time cd for the last 6 weeks. I personaly love it's me in every way. I still do all the men things I have to do. Every one has thee own thing and there own way of doing things. The best thing is to be honest and open from the start That don't happen a lot. The two has to agree on there own process of what they expect from each other. I wish you all the best.

[Jamie VieJolie]

You need to establish boundaries early on.
You have every right to want a man in bed.
Different crossdressers have different levels of involvement.
Just be open about what you want.
If a romantic prospect doesn't respect your needs it is best to move on.

[Miranda09]

Hi QueenofHearts. Just to put my 2 cents worth in, as I've never dated anyone who knew about my CDing, I cant really address this question directly, however, what I can say is that don't read all CDer's as having the same type personality as your ex. Just as in male mode, there are guys who know how to treat a woman during intimate moments, and those that just don't quite get it, and it doesn't matter if they are CDer's or not. Personally I've come to a nice balance between my male and female personas. I bring her out several times a week, and feel wonderful, then I let my male self go and have some fun times as well. As far as intimate moments, treating a woman in gentle, sensitive modes to make her really feel like a sexy woman can be done in both CD and non-CD mode. It all depends on how much one wants to give and please his partner. :)

[trisha11]

Queen of Hearts,
My SO is a GG and she has also embraced me as a crossdresser and like you finds it to be both beneficial and a turn on. We have discussed my crossdressing at length and we have always been open and honest about it and how it effects us both sexually and non sexually. I as a crossdresser am also very aware of her need to have me in male mode sometimes as well. I think both parties need to have good communication, set the expectations dont assume. I know as a crossdresser finding a GG that is accepting is few and far between and to find a GG that not only accepts crossdressing but supports it is even further and far between. Knowing that I am willing to accept what she desires from me as well. I guess what I am trying to say is that it can not always be about me or my crossdressing. Just as I have needs and desires to dress I know she has needs and desires from my guy mode side. Just stay open and honest with each other about expectations and your wants and desires and it will all work out in the end. Good luck
Trisha

[joannemarie barker]

I'm happy dressing whenever it's safe or ok to.I like my male and female sides.if I'm with a woman I don't feel the need to dress en femme for sex at all.if I was with a guy I would expect him to be attracted to my fem side so I would enjoy dressing to turn him on :)

[Dutchess]

I can truly understand what you are saying in your post.

I do myself dress just about all of the time when home and out and about I do pertty much wear some womens clothing sans hair and makeup. I go out fully dressed off and on. Now, for work I am all male except for my undies:heehee:.

Jennifer (my other half) she will ask if something is wrong if I don't get dressed as Gisele when we are home. LOL being a girl so so much work! I have my days that women have, You know hair in a pony tail t-shirt and sweats type of day. She has grown to see me as Gisele. We have been together for 9yrs as of the 24th this month.

As for in the bed room we are a couple of girls most of the time. She says I am truly a woman in bed as I give her such soft and tender treatment.
There are times I strip down and will toss her in the bed and be my guy self.:)

She loves me and I her. I would be 100% male if she wanted me too. I know she wouldn't want me to be as she knows that I am more female than male. That would be like me wanting her to wear mens clothing all of the time. That ain't going to happen as she is way more female than male.



Hi QueenofHearts,,

What Gisele said , goes for my husband and I as well ,, I don't think I could have described our relationship any better .

[LisaM]

Queen of Hearts,

I don't have anything different to add except another variation on the spectrum. I consider myself more of a TS than a CD. Dressing has never been important to me. I dress maybe 6-12 times a year.

I understand that my SO married a man--I never told her about myself until 10 years into our marriage. We both struggle with it but we both communicate as much as possible. She needs me in male mode some of the time and I have no problem with that because I love her and want her to be happy.

As far as clothing while being intimate---I have never worn any clothing while intimate. Whatever clothing we have on we enjoy taking off but clothing has never been part of our intimacy. And more to the point--I have never worn female clothing before being intimate.

[suchacutie]

Of course you will find that there is a spectrum of opinions and actions and I do think this forum has the breadth to give you a good idea of what's out there.

My wife and I found Tina only 4 years ago, so we have grown with her together. Personally, I like being a guy, and my wife likes that too. Tina is her platonic girlfriend, and her protege. In my case, I married as a hetersexual male, and, in my opionion, my wife deserves to not have a "bait and switch" relationship, so when she wants her man, he's always there. My goal is to be able to switch back and forth smoothly and with credibility. I don't just want the "trappings" but want to know how to be feminine from the psychology through to the physical execution of it. I will also point out that my wife is my biggest supporter, helper, instructor, and love. She has embraced this exploration of my femininity wholeheartedly, and I would do anything for her in return, even moreso than before we started this journey, if that's actually possible! :)

I do think that a man who strives to be his feminine self for part of the time can be a very different mate in a LTR from the "average" male. After all, besides another GG, who is better placed to understand all there is to understand about being a woman? Who is better able to listen, and to be truly interested in what you have to say, your opinions, and your emotional issues.

And no man better understands that getting ready to "go out" takes time than we do!

But, it comes down to what you want and the patience to find it without compromise. We are out there!

best!

tina

[JulieC]

This question is for everyone as I'd like to hear both sides.

How often do you dress? And, sorry if this is too personal, but....do you have to stay dressed during sex?

How often I dress en femme ebbs and flows. Sometimes I go weeks or even months without putting on a single article of clothing. Sometimes I'm likely to dress many times a week. There's no set pattern, just whatever I feel like and what opportunities I have. We have kids at home who do not know I crossdress, and we want to keep it that way.

My wife and I have probably had sex thousands of times. The number of times that I've worn a femme article during our love making is probably less than a hundred. She doesn't mind if I do, but has said she'd be bothered if I always did. The vast majority of these times it's been lingerie/underthings on my part. Though, it's been a dress a few times. That's not my wife's favorite, but she's happy to oblige me and doing so doesn't create friction between us.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Queen of Hearts,

I'm sorry to hear that you've just broke up :sad: but I'm happy that at least some of your experiences with crossdressing have been fun. :) My first thought is please don't let one not so good relationship (or should that be not so good Cder?) "tar us all with the same brush". There are lots of CDers out there that are the sort you are looking for.


It was like having a girlfriend and boyfriend all rolled into one, and it was kinda fun. I've never been the kind of woman who likes the Alpha male types anyway.
That's my wife's opinion too. She looked to date a CDer before she met me and she thinks I look cute dressed.


How often do you dress? I only dress fully once or twice a week but I like to wear somewhat unisex girls clothes most of the time (you know, girls jeans, tees and tennis shoes etc).


Sorry if this is too personal, but....do you have to stay dressed during sex?
No. I rarely wear anything feminine when making love. Occasionally, I might wear a chemise, but 95% the time we're both naked.


I don't know....in some ways dating/being in a relationship with a cd had it's perks. It totally does ..... with the right partner. :) Crossdressing has enhanced our marriage and is the cornerstone of our relationship. My wife once told me that if I ever stopped wanting to wear girl's clothes she'd think I didn't love her! :)

[Kate Jennings]

For me...I dress infrequently. At times I may dress a few days of the week, at times, I may not dress for months. My SO knows I dress, doesn't have a problem with it, still most of the time I dress privately when Im alone. Most times I don't tell her I dressed that day. Every once in a while I pop her a picture on her cell phone of me dressed that day.

As for the bedroom...there are occassions where I ask her if we can have a "Kate night" and I get all dolled up for the evening's activities. After making love on those nights generally I take off the lingere and sleep as a guy sometimes I leave on a night gown.

She has been willing to play the "male" role a bit when I'm dressed. She says she has no interest in females sexually but has gotten into girl on girl activities between us. She clearly doies these things for my sake but it works.

We see my crossdressing as a variation that adds spice to our love life.

[docrobbysherry]

I have never tried sex with a woman while dressed. Can't say as I've ever thot about it, or would even WANT to try it!:eek:

However, I do seem to get more aroused when I'm with/am Sherry, than my female partners the last couple of years! :brolleyes:

U mite consider staying away from CDs with THAT SORT of CONFLICT!

[Kerigirl2009]

For me I dress when the opportunity presents itself. (must be alone) Sometimes I will just wear a bra in addition to my undies which I wear everyday, and sometimes if I am feeling more girly I will dress completely but this usually only lasts for a short time as I am usually not alone for long and I have to allow time to clean up and get back to my male self.
As for Sex while dressed, This has never happened, after I told my wife that I am a crossdresser, she said it can NEVER come into the bedroom which was fine with me as I wasn't expecting to ever go down that road. I present as male 100% of the time if I am around others EXCEPT for the one time that I went out. If I am alone maybe 50% of the time I will dress for short periods to get the girly feelings and thoughts out of my system.

[Kathi Lake]

Hello Queen of Hearts,

First, let me say that I'm sorry that your previous relationship was marked by his very selfish behavior. It's sad that he saw your time together as a "Let's meet my needs" relationship and not "Let's meet our needs." Please understand that this is not unique behavior to crossdressers. We're men. We fit somewhere along the spectrum of not only perceived gender, but frequency of dress, type of dress, whether we take it into the bedroom or not, and many, many other areas.

For myself, I have never taken Kathi into the bedroom, nor would I ask to. Talk about a turnoff not only for me, but I'm sure for my wife as well. As a man, I understand that my wife has needs just as I do. My job is to meet those needs to please her. Her job as a woman is to reciprocate. When that happens, everybody is satisfied.

That said, I do believe that as a crossdresser - in my case one who attempts to emulate a female as much as possible - I find that, from what I hear from my girlfriends, I make love more like a girl. I am more tender, more gentle, more responsive to her needs than "most guys" (according to their descriptions). My primary goal is to make sure that she is happy. If I get pleasure along the way, then more's the better. :)

But enough bedroom talk. There's more to life than sex (No. Really. Google it. It's true!). I don't dress up all the time. Once again, this may be due to where I am on one or more of the spectrums I talked about earlier. I find that once a month or so, Kathi needs to come out. According to my wife, I get a bit cranky and immature. As an outside observer, I have to trust her in that, though I don't think I do. :) I will usually take the day off work and go to a museum or shopping (OK, mostly shopping :)). When dressed, I feel marvelous! Wonderful! Content! At peace with the world. I get to step outside the normal gender barrier (and for men, it is a huge barrier - with guards, flashing lighs, etc.), and just be myself. It is kind of a cleansing for me. However, due to a mutual agreement, I do it away from my wife. She has seen me dressed and, being a woman, she has a hard time seeing me like this. She says it hurts her own self-esteem, her confidence and especially her body image (as I'm a bit thinner than her). So, once again, I find myself doing what I do, while trying to respect her wishes as much as possible - more than mine, usually.

So, what I'm trying to say in my usual convoluted, long-winded way is that there are men out there. Sounds kind of obvious, I guess, but true. Your challenge is to find the one that treats you as you deserve - whether he is a crossdresser or not does not matter. Find the right one.

Good luck!

Kathi

[LeslieSD]

The relationship with SO is always about balancing. You have to take care of her if you like her to take care of you.

My wife is usually swinging between tolerating and objecting (depending on the phase of moon I guess). I have learnt to navigate the changing water without running aground too much. :-)

I guess even when I am dressed, I am inside a male out for advanture (I understand everyone is different). But even when I am not dressed (in male mode), I am a very caring person with a lot sensitivity.

Everyone is different and their life is different. That's why the world is such a fun place.

[AKKaren]

:battingeyelashes:For me I'd say I'm a guy 85% of the time, both physically and emotionally. The other 15%, well, mostly it's how I feel, not the clothing I put on that day. The MOST important thing in my life is knowing that I have someone who loves me "As is", and understands me. I live to care for my wife...she is the light, the color and the song in my soul. My CDing is just a side bar to our relationship, to be blended into it.

[QueenofHearts]

We talked about her loving me as Gisele. I asked her if she thought she maybe gay/bi as she now loves me as a woman. She assures me that she is not either gay/bi.

I'm glad you mentioned this! I too use to get asked that by other cd's (when I'd chat with them online) and I never understood where it came from. I know that 90% (or something like that) of cd's are heterosexual and I wouldn't be ignorant enough to ask someone if they were gay because they crossdressed, I know better. So why were they questioning my sexuality? (Of course they would always say...."because you like a guy dressed as a girl") But no, like your partner, I'm not into women either.

Hey and congrats on being together 9 years! :)

[sandra-leigh]

It varies quite a bit with the person.

What I observe at our local cross-dressing club (society) is a mix.

Our group has a fair number of members who (as best I can discern) feel male internally but enjoy cross-dressing from time to time, percentage of time depending on the person and their circumstances. Some of those (usually single) socialize mostly as cross-dressers, going to bars and events relatively often and not "hiding" that they are cross-dressing, not trying to "be" a woman.

Our group also has an increasing number of members who are certain they feel female internally, and are either in transition or trying to be in transition or would transition if their personal circumstances allowed. Their internal reasons vary a fair bit. Some of them have quiet inner strength as they go through the experience, and some of them... project a sense of despair. The ones in despair at our club tend to be very touchy, easy to take offence and tempermental.

Also in our group are some older members, usually divorced, retired or getting close to retirement, who have gone "24/7" or only go in drab to work with major clients they are afraid to lose, or to keep the peace at family gatherings, and otherwise present as female. Some of them have gone on hormones, some of them haven't. I haven't spoken deeply enough to them to know what gender they feel themselves to be internally, but expressing their female side has become permanent for them. I don't know whether the people I am thinking of have had any operations. I haven't heard them refer to themselves as "transsexual". I have a suspicion that I myself might some day go "24/7" non-operation -- not that I feel that I am female, but there is something inside me that wants to be free.

In our social group, I am the only person I know of who self-identifies as "transgender" in the sense of internally being some mix of male and female, not really one, not really the other, and willing to be publicly known as a mix. Even here on the forum this is quite uncommon. For example I know people who actively study "proper movement" and female voice and so on, and really try to become perceived as female as possible when they are "Out", and every time someone perceives them as male is a "failure" on their part; such things are (usually) not so important to me: I wouldn't object at all to being perceived as female, but it hasn't be important enough for me to bother to do anything about it.

So for some of us, dressing is something we do sometimes and then put aside; some of us are okay as long as we get our regular "doses" of dressing; some of us would dress as much as circumstances (and family compromises) permitted; some of us would go as far as to "come out" and dress even at work while still feeling they were male internally; for some of us, the dressing is a crutch until we are willing to admit (or act upon) that we want to be female.

Even amongst cross-dressers who have little or no intention of going out in public Dressed, let alone transitioning, it is pretty common to want to "under-dress". In a relationship situation, if the partner does not object, it is pretty common for cross-dressers to switch over to wearing panties full time, or (depending on the compromise worked out), to only switch back at bed-time and other intimate times (e.g., if the partner doesn't mind the wearing of the panties, but wants "my man" to be the one they go to bed with.)


Sex while dressed... ummm, not a topic I am well qualified to speak upon. Let me put it this way: I typically only wear panties to bed (my wife generally likes the look and design), and when something does happen it is likely to happen unpredictably and with little notice, at which time my panties get taken off because they are in the way. My wife finds it a bit disturbing to see me in a bra and breast-forms (but she is becoming more accepting of me wearing them in public from time to time), so my sleeping in forms any time soon is not likely. "Fooling around" outside of bed is not something we do no matter how I am dressed. :sad:

[QueenofHearts]

Regarding your ex-boyfriend, my guess is difficulties in the relationship where making him unhappy, and the unhappiness was causing him to withdraw and dress more. In other words the excessive dressing sounds more like a symptom of the problem than the cause of it, at least from his point of view. From your point of view it sounds like that behaviour caused the relationship to end that much quicker.


The difficulties in the relationship were making me unhappy too! :( But he had alot of stress from work and there seemed to be a correlation between stress and dressing. I have left alot out in my original post but I am aware these are public forums and can be read by anyone.


All I can say is the next guy you meet, make sure you communicate well before getting too deep into the relationship, and make sure he's completely honest with you (as far as how often, how he likes to dress, and when).

Oh but we DID. See.....we were both into BDSM (I'm dominant/him sub) and I kinda took 'control' of his dressing and we BOTH loved it. We explored it together and it WAS (years ago) so much fun and erotic. I knew about him crossdressing from the start and I was turned on by it (which freaked me out originally). So with him, I DID know. And I even told him later on that I totally felt for those women who found out later. I told him if I married a GUY and he later told me he wanted to dress as a gal, I would have probably had a very negative response and been completely turned off to it. But it wasn't that way, he was very honest and open with me (years ago!! :( ).

And yes, I have already decided once I start dating again and if I am seeing a guy a few times, on about the 3rd or 4th date (early on), I am going to ask them if they have any kinks or fetishes or what have you. I feel that stuff should be disclosed early on in a relationship.


You need to establish boundaries early on.
You have every right to want a man in bed.
Different crossdressers have different levels of involvement.
Just be open about what you want.
If a romantic prospect doesn't respect your needs it is best to move on.


Believe me, I know this now and not just in regards to his crossdressing either. I kinda feel really hard for him and let boundaries get crossed. But when you find someone who ticks so many boxes you think "I'll never find someone like this again!" and....well I've learned SO MUCH! Unfortunately the hard way.... :P

I think going forward, if I would find out that a future date is into crossdressing, I would find out as much info as possible. If they needed to dress all the time, I know already I wouldn't be happy with that and I'd say so. And sorry, but I don't believe in compromise there. If a guy is single and is use to dressing all the time and then he gets in the relationship, he isn't going to want to cut back. He will get resentful and then he will start to be sneaky about it. And I'm not looking to restrict anyone! I just know I couldn't deal with that and we wouldn't be a good match.


I know as a crossdresser finding a GG that is accepting is few and far between and to find a GG that not only accepts crossdressing but supports it is even further and far between.

Yeah, believe me, I know this. ;)

[ReineD]

And, sorry if this is too personal, but....do you have to stay dressed during sex? And for the GG partners: Do you want/need your partner to be in "male-mode" a certain percentage of the time? Are you always happy with making love to them dressed in female clothing or not?

I'm a GG. I do not want my SO to make himself be in guy mode just to please me. I would not feel comfortable being in a relationship with someone who pretended to be who he isn't, just to hang on to the relationship. I want him to be true to him/herself and be in the mode s/he wants to be in. I see it as being the same person underneath it all. A TG described it well here in another post: "the androgenous nature of the human spirit". I love that. This means behaving the same when either in male or female mode; with courage, sensitivity, compassion, creativity, intelligence, purpose, self-confidence, humor, sensuality, in short, with all the attributes we all admire in everyone.

It took me awhile to come to this conclusion. At first I thought she and I would be gal pals and he and I would be in the romantic relationship. But she is so enmeshed with him that I do not want either of them to ever go away. However we are in the bedroom is always wonderful for me. :)

But, now to contradict myself somewhat. :straightface: I don't know how I would react if she were TS and wanted to be femme all the time, or in guy mode only when he felt he had to be. It probably has to do with having to live in a world where it is not well understood and we would suffer some rejection, or certain doors would be closed to us. I know that relationships with family members and some friends would not be the same. And if she wanted to take it further and take hormones and have SRS, well ... I don't have an answer to that. It is a entirely different situation for me.

And like you, to be honest I accept and love her because she is a part of him. If he were ever to go away, she would not be the same person to me. If that makes sense.

EDIT - I just saw this:


we were both into BDSM (I'm dominant/him sub) and I kinda took 'control' of his dressing and we BOTH loved it. We explored it together and it WAS (years ago) so much fun and erotic.

You might be much happier with a transvestic fetishist? Lots of CDs do it mostly for sexual gratification. :)

[Ralph]

And yes, I have already decided once I start dating again and if I am seeing a guy a few times, on about the 3rd or 4th date (early on), I am going to ask them if they have any kinks or fetishes or what have you. I feel that stuff should be disclosed early on in a relationship.

A guy is in a bar feeling sorry for myself, and gets to talking to a gal next to him who looks like she's not doing so well either. They finally open up to one another to the point that he's comfortable confessing to her that his girlfriend left him because he's into kinky sex and she didn't enjoy it. "What a coincidence!" the girl cries, "I'm into kinky stuff, too, and that's why my boyfriend left me!" Of course that's all it took for them to find out more about each other. They hustle off to her apartment and she says "Wait right here while I slip into something more... comfortable." A few minutes later she shows up all decked out in leather, wearing a spiked collar and carrying a massive whip. The guy is zipping up his pants and leaving. "What's the matter? I thought you liked the kinky stuff?" she asks. "I do!" he replies, "I already had my way with your cat and your shoes, so I'm outta here. Thanks for a good time."

The moral of this story, before it gets flagged as off-topic, is that it really is important to let the other person know all about you before you get into a committed relationship.

Getting back to your original question... you've already seen enough responses to realize that there's a wide variety of us out there. But just to add another data point to your survey -- I dress daily, but I don't go out in public and nobody knows except my family. I only put on the clothes that make me feel comfortable; I don't bother with shaving or makeup or wigs or breast forms. When I go out, I underdress with nylon briefs (and tights when it's cold out). Neither of us wears anything during sex --- it just gets in the way! I do sleep in a nightgown, though.

[QueenofHearts]

I just wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone who replied to my original post. I read each one of your thoughtful replies and it's clear that my experience with my ex is not representative of how things would be with another cd. I have alot to think about....

(Ralph...great joke! ;)

[cindym5_04]

Hi!

I'm new here. I found this forum through a Google search and I think it's a good place to ask the questions I have.

I'm a GG, I posted on the introductions thread for GG's and read the forum rules.

I ended a LTR with someone who was into crossdressing a few months ago and it wasn't due to their crossdressing. I'm finally starting to think about dating again and what I would be looking for. Before last week I was thinking "I will NEVER date another guy into crossdressing!". I think more so because of the hurt from my ex and he was a cd so, negative association?? lol But then I had a really good chat with a male friend about things (he is also into crossdressing) and it made me think about it a bit more. But it also raised some questions.

This question is for everyone as I'd like to hear both sides.

How often do you dress? And, sorry if this is too personal, but....do you have to stay dressed during sex? And for the GG partners: Do you want/need your partner to be in "male-mode" a certain percentage of the time? Are you always happy with making love to them dressed in female clothing or not?

I was not only into my partners crossdressing, but I got turned on by it too. BUT, I *did* need him to be in "male-mode" at times as well. Part of the turn on was the contrast. I didn't want someone 'en femme' all the time and he even told me that he wasn't interested in that. But towards the end, it seems like he was dressing more (and on his own) and when we had sex he was in the feminine mindset. And it was starting to go from a turn-on to resentment. I didn't feel like my needs were getting met as I wanted to be the female in the relationship at times! Geez! Imagine a genetic female wanted to be the female in the relationship!! lol But seriously, crossdressing can change the dynamic in a relationship and sometimes I felt like the 'man' in the relationship even though I am anything but! And when I think about those things I think, I just can't deal with that again.

I don't know....in some ways dating/being in a relationship with a cd had it's perks. It was like having a girlfriend and boyfriend all rolled into one, and it was kinda fun. I've never been the kind of woman who likes the Alpha male types anyway. But I KNOW that I could NOT deal with a guy who wanted to be dressed ALL the time or even 80% of the time. Just because I like chocolate, doesn't mean I want to eat it all the time either! ;-)

GG's?? Are there others out there like me? Do you enjoy your partners crossdressing but you need him in "male-mode" at times??

Thank you.

Queen of Hearts (Sorry, didn't want to post my real name)

If you don't mind me adding my thoughts into this, I'll proceed. Let me start by saying thank you for posting. I'm about to turn 37 and I'm a happily married crossdresser. I have a gg wife who is very supportive.

I don't know if I'm like most cd's (or even a lot that post on here), but for me crossdressing is not a high priority. I like to dress on occasion, but it's diminished over the years for me as my wife has ended up fulfilling holes inside of me that I thought were filled by dressing. I still do, however, very much enjoy dressing and the "girl me" comes out sometimes for periods of time to shop and get new stuff etc. Eventually that desire fades, yet it does come back. I would say that I dress probably less than 10% of the time. I don't have to be "dressed" to have sex (aside from when, in my past, I was with guys...then i had to be the "girl me"). My wife, who at one time, wanted to be a makeup artist, enjoys the fact that I'll let her do makeup on me.

There are positives and negatives in any relationship. If you ended up involved with someone else and the worse thing that you could think of was that he crossdressed, would that be so horrible? :D

[KayC]

I fell in love with my man as a man and still need him to be one. I don't mind his CD but he still hasn't shown me her yet except in pictures, although I've asked him to...mainly I think he hasn't because the last time he dressed it took him eight hours to get ready (shaving, hair, nails, dressing, makeup) and he hasn't had that kind of time...being a perfectionist I don't think he goes about things halfway. But one of these days when we have plenty of alone time, we'll do it...I want to be involved in it though. I am very curious to meet the other side of him in person. I don't think I could have sex with "her" but I can't say for sure, I'm not bi and the visual would be pretty hard to get past.
I think what I've heard from other GGs is you need to communicate your needs to your SO and they need to hear you and take you into consideration...you don't have to have sex while they're "dressed" and yes they should be willing to be the male partner for you some of the time. You are an equal partner and your needs and feelings should be considered. Some of the CDs can get pretty self-centered and carried away with it, consuming all their time and resources...it's up to us to bring them back to reality...no matter what they look like, they ARE men and as such can be blind to some things that we need to point out to them...and we are women and need to realize they can't read our minds, that we need to communicate with them.
I don't think CDing is why most split up, I think it's often other issues that can seem related but really they aren't, such as self-centeredness, lack of communication, etc.

[cindym5_04]

I think what I've heard from other GGs is you need to communicate your needs to your SO and they need to hear you and take you into consideration...you don't have to have sex while they're "dressed" and yes they should be willing to be the male partner for you some of the time. You are an equal partner and your needs and feelings should be considered. Some of the CDs can get pretty self-centered and carried away with it, consuming all their time and resources...it's up to us to bring them back to reality...no matter what they look like, they ARE men and as such can be blind to some things that we need to point out to them...and we are women and need to realize they can't read our minds, that we need to communicate with them.
I don't think CDing is why most split up, I think it's often other issues that can seem related but really they aren't, such as self-centeredness, lack of communication, etc.


I think you are absolutely on point!

[jessica millen]

The difficulties in the relationship were making me unhappy too! :( But he had alot of stress from work and there seemed to be a correlation between stress and dressing. I have left alot out in my original post but I am aware these are public forums and can be read by anyone.


hey there - i'll add my 5 pesetas worth too.
this quote of yours is a pretty good point. in the last throes of our relationship (20 years) both our stress levels came to a major head, not through my CD'ing, but life, work issues etc. my stress and its hightened point just before and then after my wife left me certainly correlated with my need to dress more often, to try and basically put a lid on how my life was falling apart. it was nothing to do with the opportunity arising more often.
anyway, over our time together, we did have sex a few times while i was dressed, but other than that, she never saw or wanted to see jessica. i think the refusal and denial of it didnt help me. but enough about me.
would i want to dress always? no way, i enjoy too many guy things - beer whilst watching the big match, 10 pin bowling (i'd assume pretty hard with long glue-on nails anyway), sitting in the pub and talking s**te about life, politics and wimmen, and having to make so much effort just to dress sometimes.
would i want to dress more often? well, yeah, i suppose i would, but there were times when we were together, that it was just impossible to dress, when i really could have done with some jesica time, to lose some of my stress in life. for that reason, i intend to be totally upfront and honest with my first relationship, as soon as it looks like it may get serious. life is too short to throw away another 20 years......
jessica
oh and ralph, yeah, great joke :)

[StarrOfDelite]

You are asking for specific advice when every situation is different, and you're going to get as many answers as there are people on this forum. There are many degrees of crossdressing. The man who enjoys wearing a pair of pantyhose underneath his business suit while at work is a far different person than the man who shaves his entire body and applies lotion all over before wearing a pair of pantyhose underneath a black c**ktail dress to a local club. Either one could be heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual in orientation. And, even if one is bisexual that doesn't mean that he couldn't be a wonderful lover to a female. Every human being in this world is different. Either you're willing to invest some of yourself in finding out whether you could have a satisfying relationship with the man in question, or you're not willing.

[Angelofsomekind]

For me, I dress fully maybe once a month when we go out, other than that it isn't very often. However I do tend to wear panties just about all of the time.
As far as sex goes, it is very very rare I am dressed for that, in guys or girls clothes.

I don't think my wife would really be botherd if I was to dress a lot more though. But I am one Lazy CD, and even though it's so much fun dressing like a girl, it's so much easier and less effort to dress like a guy.

I would suggest talking about it with the other person, let them know you want your time with Him also. Each one of us is different though, your ex may have wanted more than the next person, or less than another when it comes to his dressing.

[Jayne Wordan]

I'd love it if i could CD more often but with the greatest of respect to my so i keep within what has been dicussed. she doesnt wish to see me when in full dress and thats fine with me.
As for bed time im always the dominant male lol. Im there for her and maybe a little for me. Saying this, when we were younger it was a desire for her to have me wear stockings and heels (my dreams come true), this is when we first started discussing crossdressing.

good luck in the future x

[sometimes_miss]

Hi QoH;
You'll find a wide range of crossdressing behavior; none of us can be defined by one thing. Some of us like to have sex while dressed as women, but while acting as men. Some of us like to have sex while dressed as women, while behaving and feeling like one. Some of us never have sex while dressed as women or while acting like one, we just have an attachment to wearing women's clothing that we can't get rid of. Some of us crossdress for other reasons, such as myself (you can read my biography linked below if you're interested).

I think the problem lies in that many people see a particular role or behavior belonging to one physical sex or another, and are uncomfortable when anyone steps out of that pattern your quote:


sometimes I felt like the 'man' in the relationship even though I am anything but!

I think a lot of crossdressers understate how much we want, or need to crossdress because we know how much of a problem it is for women. Any admission that we may sometimes want to dress up a lot kind of automatically kills any chance of a relationship with you; and believe me, after spending ten years alone, I've found out that the truth can set you free; free to be alone but that's it.

Crossdressing is part of us. The 'stepping out of our traditional male role' is common for most men; it's just more noticable because of our other behaviors, and more suspect for the same reason. Lots of men regress in times of illness or injury, and act less like the pillar of strength that women so often want or need us to be, but it's usually overlooked as just a temporary thing. But when a crossdresser does it, it becomes 'Oh my god, he's really going to be girly, and won't be the man I need him to be when it counts'.

And most often, nothing could be further from the truth. Knowing what we do about gender roles, we understand when we can be 'girly', and when can't.

[QueenofHearts]

I think a lot of crossdressers understate how much we want, or need to crossdress because we know how much of a problem it is for women. Any admission that we may sometimes want to dress up a lot kind of automatically kills any chance of a relationship with you; and believe me, after spending ten years alone, I've found out that the truth can set you free; free to be alone but that's it.

I'm not sure if that statement is directed at me, or if that was just a general 'you'.

I was not only accepting of his crossdressing, but encouraged it at times. (He'd come home from work tired and I'd tell him to dress, as I knew he'd enjoy it) I got turned on by it and it was apart of our play. I bought him lingerie (more than he ever bought me!) and stockings and heels and wigs. . I always wanted him to come out to a fetish club dressed up but he wouldn't. He told me a few times that he was able to come to terms to that side of him because of my help and understanding over the years. So, I'm not like some selfish person who hates his crossdressing, not in the least. But there WAS a balance in the relationship and I have needs too and it was obvious that the crossdressing was what turned him on and sex with him as a male was going to be a thing of the past. Am I (as a GG) not allowed some rights too? Or are us GG's just here to support CD's and that's pretty much our only use?? I hear over and over about how female partners aren't supportive but I was, okay! But I have needs too and I'm not going to feel bad for wanting to have sex with my male partner AS a male. No, I'm not. There were MANY nights he wore a chemise to bed and I liked that as I wore one of my slips to bed and it was an erotic feeling to snuggle next to him like that. Let's face it, most male apparel is boring and rough feeling anyway! lol But I could see the male part slipping away.

You know it's obvious that some cd's will never be happy no matter HOW supportive their partner is. I guess gg's aren't suppose to have needs, it's all about the cd's and that's it. *sigh*

[AmandaM]

You have a perfect right to expect a man at times. This is about a relationship. It can't be one-sided. If you date a CDer again, date one that can accept your terms!

[UASIANGAL]

This question is for everyone as I'd like to hear both sides.

How often do you dress? And, sorry if this is too personal, but....do you have to stay dressed during sex? And for the GG partners: Do you want/need your partner to be in "male-mode" a certain percentage of the time? Are you always happy with making love to them dressed in female clothing or not?

Thank you.

Queen of Hearts (Sorry, didn't want to post my real name)

Too bad there are not many GG commenting here. Here's my answers:

1) I rarely dress up as it takes so much work to up keep as I would like to be clean shaven on my arms, legs, body etc. and a lot of work do makeup, hair....so I would say I dress only 4-5 times a year and make it into a photo shooting day.

2) I do not have to dress during sex and only tried it once with an ex-girlfriend. Sex fetish will depend on what we agree to try.

Pretty much everyone is unique whether a crossdresser or not. Everyone has the right to persuade happiness but if it is going to involve others, there has to be an agreement and compromising. A few of my ex knew and many did not and while they accepted me, I would not involve them if they didn't want to. I didn't have as serious a situation as you had so crossdressing was never an issue.

What I would like to say is not all us CD are the same and if it wasn't one fetish, it maybe another and you have your rights to find what you want.

[Laura Evans]

I can truly understand what you are saying in your post.

I do myself dress just about all of the time when home and out and about I do pertty much wear some womens clothing sans hair and makeup. I go out fully dressed off and on. Now, for work I am all male except for my undies:heehee:.

Jennifer (my other half) she will ask if something is wrong if I don't get dressed as Gisele when we are home. LOL being a girl so so much work! I have my days that women have, You know hair in a pony tail t-shirt and sweats type of day. She has grown to see me as Gisele. We have been together for 9yrs as of the 24th this month.

As for in the bed room we are a couple of girls most of the time. She says I am truly a woman in bed as I give her such soft and tender treatment.
There are times I strip down and will toss her in the bed and be my guy self.:)

She loves me and I her. I would be 100% male if she wanted me too. I know she wouldn't want me to be as she knows that I am more female than male. That would be like me wanting her to wear mens clothing all of the time. That ain't going to happen as she is way more female than male.

We talked about her loving me as Gisele. I asked her if she thought she maybe gay/bi as she now loves me as a woman. She assures me that she is not either gay/bi. LOL some times I wonder as she points out some real hot women when I are out. But really she knows I am always looking for a new look to try and she is always on the look out for me. Just so happens much of the real hot girls/women have a style that I like.

All in all she is a crossdressers best friend and never sees anyone here as a pervert or a freak but just another person. She even attends the CD/trans meetings with me (when I can go) She has even went without me!:eek: She has made friends there and loves the other girls that attend.

Sugar, I hope you find what you are looking for! I know I have after many years of looking.

Much love, Gisele:hugs:

I cannot speak for my SO (she is in this forum) but our relationship is very much as described by Gisele. Good luck finding someone whether they are CD or not, be happy.

[PaulaJaneThomas]

I was not only accepting of his crossdressing, but encouraged it at times. (He'd come home from work tired and I'd tell him to dress, as I knew he'd enjoy it)

I, for one, would not want to be in a relationship where I'm told to present as female any more than I'd want to be in a relationship where I was told when to be happy and when to be sad. especially if I was knackered after a day's work.


I got turned on by it and it was apart of our play

I'll come back to this bit.


I always wanted him to come out to a fetish club dressed up but he wouldn't.

I don't blame him. From what I've heard of fetish clubs u wouldn't want to go to one either. Gender variance has nothing to do with fetishism. Why not go to a TG support group meeting or to an accepting environment like a gay bar instead?


But I have needs too and I'm not going to feel bad for wanting to have sex with my male partner AS a male.

Of course you have needs but have you considered the confusion that can be caused by wanting him to present as female (as part of your 'play' quoted above?) when he may not really want to and at other times wanting him to present as male. Poor bloke probably didn't know if he was on this Earth or Fuller's.


You know it's obvious that some cd's will never be happy no matter HOW supportive their partner is. I guess gg's aren't suppose to have needs, it's all about the cd's and that's it. *sigh*

Being supportive is to be applauded but without knowing your ex and where he/she sits on the gender spectrum I'm not going to judge either of you except to note the truism that the road to ruin is paved with good intent. I expect there were mistakes, albeit unintended ones, on both side.

[jessica millen]

I'm not sure if that statement is directed at me, or if that was just a general 'you'.

I was not only accepting of his crossdressing, but encouraged it at times. (He'd come home from work tired and I'd tell him to dress, as I knew he'd enjoy it) I got turned on by it and it was apart of our play. I bought him lingerie (more than he ever bought me!) and stockings and heels and wigs. . I always wanted him to come out to a fetish club dressed up but he wouldn't. He told me a few times that he was able to come to terms to that side of him because of my help and understanding over the years. So, I'm not like some selfish person who hates his crossdressing, not in the least. But there WAS a balance in the relationship and I have needs too and it was obvious that the crossdressing was what turned him on and sex with him as a male was going to be a thing of the past. Am I (as a GG) not allowed some rights too? Or are us GG's just here to support CD's and that's pretty much our only use?? I hear over and over about how female partners aren't supportive but I was, okay! But I have needs too and I'm not going to feel bad for wanting to have sex with my male partner AS a male. No, I'm not. There were MANY nights he wore a chemise to bed and I liked that as I wore one of my slips to bed and it was an erotic feeling to snuggle next to him like that. Let's face it, most male apparel is boring and rough feeling anyway! lol But I could see the male part slipping away.

You know it's obvious that some cd's will never be happy no matter HOW supportive their partner is. I guess gg's aren't suppose to have needs, it's all about the cd's and that's it. *sigh*

i cant and wont speak for all on this forum, as i'm just a young slip who has recently joined, but i do agree that there appears to be a huge spectrum of crossdressers here, who, understandably, have different views, and opinions to their wants,needs and twin understandings between themselves and their SO's. personally, i feel very much in the same boat as yourself. i love to dress, but as i said in a previous post, not always, but certainly regularly. when my ex wife and i first explored jessica, whether jessica was involved or not, it was quite possibly the best sex we had, barring the normal first few times, which are always exciting and new. as things soured with the CD'ing, i would have done anything to have what you seemed to want. thats the thing though, whether its any type of fetish, or just plain old missionary style, there are people who do, and there are people who dont. personally i got bored with my ex's wish of no smut, down the middle, missionary position sex. she didnt. i think thats why the CD'ing became an issue, not so much the act, and her view that i always wanted something 'dirty' or 'wrong'. oh how wrong she was, but there you go.
i love women, and love how sexy or hot they can look, especially when youre with them and out with other people - i love the inuendo (sic) that can happen on a normal evening out, when things just go male/female/needs, i would never want to change that, but i also love the thought of having that other, darker (if you want) side to a relationship - the secretive, equally enjoyable side of it.
i've spoken to friends just this week who know i dress, over what i want, or dont want in a future relationship.a GF in particular, cant understand my needs to 'tell all' if things become serious with someone. i tried to explain that its not defining me, rather its making me search out the right partner for that time when i decide i want a long term relationship.
the point of this all? sorry, i dunno, maybe its just that we're all so different, kinks, warts and all, that sometimes, even when we believe we've found the right person, maybe the real right person for us is just round the corner. i hope you find him.
(and if youre ever in spain, sure, just give me a shout!)
jessica

[Rebecca Jayne]

Whether you are aggressive as a female type or a male type doesn't depend on your sexual make up.

Sometimes I'm a lumberjack and my wife is a damsel in distress


Sometimes I'm David Bowie and She's Janis Joplin

Try a little bit harder now.......

[ReineD]

Of course you have needs but have you considered the confusion that can be caused by wanting him to present as female (as part of your 'play' quoted above?) when he may not really want to and at other times wanting him to present as male. Poor bloke probably didn't know if he was on this Earth or Fuller's.

Being supportive is to be applauded but without knowing your ex and where he/she sits on the gender spectrum I'm not going to judge either of you except to note the truism that the road to ruin is paved with good intent. I expect there were mistakes, albeit unintended ones, on both side.

Paula's comments are rather to the point, but I agree with her. Your SO had different needs than yours and unfortunately the two of you were not able to work it out. It sounds as if you saw it more as a sexual/play thing whereas he found deeper meaning with it. A TG's needs often tend to change with time as they come to accept their femme selves, especially if they are with a supportive partner. Sometimes the pendulum swings quite to the other side of repression before settling somewhere in the middle.



You know it's obvious that some cd's will never be happy no matter HOW supportive their partner is. I guess gg's aren't suppose to have needs, it's all about the cd's and that's it. *sigh*

You've read by now there are many different levels and needs among TGs and the most important thing to keep in mind is that making broad statements is simply not accurate. It isn't that simple. There are many, many CDs here who would fall into the category that most fit your needs and hopefully their needs would not change once they found themselves with a supportive partner like you.

I am not exactly clear on the specific nature of your objections. It is difficult to talk about this without being overly graphic, but I'll try. :) Were your issues over the presentation (femme wear vs. wearing nothing at all) but you both found pleasure with one another and you were both satisfied? If so, then learning that underneath it all a TG partner is still essentially the same person that you love is paramount if you're willing to bring it into the bedroom. Still, if you felt turned off at times with the femme garb, it would have been considerate of him to be able to put it aside and still function. Everyone knows that give and take is important in the bedroom and if the partners are connected, this is what defines a good sexual relationship and what makes it exciting.

But, if the roles were truly reversed (and excuse me for being graphic but I don't know how else to say it) and there was no more intercourse nor was there a willingness to 'take turns', then I see your point. Of course (to be PC) there are GGs who are OK with this as there is not just one way to have sex, but if intercourse was important to you I do understand why the two of you could no longer function as a couple. But a mismatch can happen whether CDing is involved or not. In the BDSM community unless someone is a switch, generally D/d or S/s doesn't work as well as D/s.

I am not asking you to answer this publicly nor am I asking for anyone else's graphic comments or accounts of their personal experience. It is just a point to consider ... a way to spell it out and make it clear.
:hugs:

[PaulaJaneThomas]

but I agree with her:

Please don't do that. It ruins my carefully cultivated image of being a grumpy, selfish, cantankerous old git ;)

[Fab Karen]

All CD's are not alike. We are as diverse as any group of people. You have to make your decision based on the individual, just as you would any guy who isn't a CD. And, while it should be obvious, communication is key to a relationship working. And a CD has to be honest with themself before starting a relationship.

[KellyV GG]

What a great thread...I just wanted to say: after going thru all of this craziness and drama and trauma and learning and talking and dealing with stuff and trying to figure this all out and everything I've put in to this relationship just based on CDing so far, if, god forbid, we didn't make it, there's no way in the world I'm going to waste all of the time and energy I've invested in CDing. I know too much. I feel like I've crossed (been dragged) over to the other side. After all of your experiences could you really be in a "straight" relationship?? Think I'd have to find another CDer...don't think I could go back....

[erica12b]

i have dated (gg's)and been married,(1) and they never knew about erica, i have date and they knew erica(2gg)but it did not last. untell i come to a balance with (both of me) i dont think i can bring myself to the table for another relationship
i dont dress much one or two times a month but there is not a day i dont think about it, im in a slump right now i have not dressed for 3 or 4months its just not in me right now,

i hope you will at least try and date a nother of my sisters we come with more baggage(not all clothes) than some but we offer more understanding and companionship than just the male side of life has to offer ----best wishes erica

[baby beluga]

Good call. We're all kinda crazy and self-absorbed and I probably wouldn't date us either :)