to go out or not go out, that is the conundrum

[Julieanne]

I notice a lot of you ladies like to get all dolled up and go out, and from the pictures I’ve seen many of you really are gorgeous and, to me, brave. It’s got me to thinking what I get and want to get out of my cross dressing.

I cannot pass. I did go out once with some people on Halloween and it was fun, but I was obviously a guy in a dress with little fashion sense. Make-up seems to me to be a bother – all I wear is occasional lipstick (you gotta love lipstick) and sometimes paint my nails. I know with help I could become competent, and there’s a lot of good advice here as to how to accomplish that.

Since my wife died I live alone and dress pretty much every day but usually very simply – I’m typing this in just my bra (with inserts) and panties, and may get more dressed up tonight or may not. So I’m happy without being fully dressed and primped.

So my question is, what am I missing by happily staying safe at home? The underlying question is, is it worth the effort to go out? I do not want my dressing to become known because it would cause me a lot of problems, both socially and at my job.

Thanks in advance for any and all input.

Julieanne, the scared and shy hermit (hermitess?).

[Di]

Only go out if you really want....it is NOT a race. Do what makes you happy.........not what others THINK you should do.
If you decide you really want to go maybe find a tg/cd friendly group for your first venture out.Whatever makes you happy!!:hugs:

[sherri52]

Go out when your ready. You want a taste of what you'll get, take a very late night drive while dressed. You don't have to stop anywhere and your not likely to be noticed. Feel the rush. Later the rush becomes excitement and you feel like your in heaven while walking a mall even when you don't pass. You can always do the mall a few towns away

[Jonianne]

Julieanne, I don't pass either, but I have a wonderful wife who told me "Joni needs to feel the sun on her face!" and she took me out to the ocean boardwalk on a cool fall/winter morning when there were very few people there. It was wonderful.

I later started going to a botanical garden when they open early at 9:00 AM on a Sunday again in the fall/winter time and many times I am almost the only one there, besides staff. That helps you get used to going out. In time, my wife has encouraged me to take the Amtrak and we spent time up in Niagra Falls dressed last year.

Since I don't really pass very well, especially when I open my mouth, I just learned to be OK with people knowing I am a crossdresser, which is what I am!

[Michelle Charles]

If you are ready to try going out, try our Triess group which meets in Cedar Rapids. They are a fun, welcoming, group where you will fit in just fine. Then you can judge whether more adventures are what you want!
hugs
Michelle

[Rachel Morley]

So my question is, what am I missing by happily staying safe at home?
Absolutely nothing if you are as you say you are, happily staying at home. :)

I was like that too. The only reason I ever thought about going out in public was because after reading on this very forum about how everyone seemed to be going out, and that even though they thought they could never do it, they one day did. My curiosity got the better of me. However, if you're not particularly curious and you are just as happy to stay at home, then you stay doing what makes you happy! :)

Incidentally, staying at home is sometimes much more fun because you can wear outfits and costumes you could never wear in public. Yes, I too have a French Maid's outfit like the best of them! :D

[Princess29]

I didnt know that I wanted to go out until I started going out but as the others have said, if you are happy staying at home, then that's all that matters.

[Holly]

Sweetie, if you are happy where you are, then STAY PUT! Life isn't a race, nor is it a competition to, "keep up with the Jones'." If you are enjoying your life, the revel in that. If the urge to explore a little further out should come upon you at a later date, then so be it. Take it as it comes. And know that there are lots here who will encourage you to discover what it is that makes YOU happy.

[TNRobin]

I'll let you know next week after SCC. That'll be my first outing, even though I did go for a drive once.

If you decide to go out take it slowly. Go for a drive, maybe even at night, or do what I'm doing and go to an event, in this case SCC, since there will be hundreds of crossdressers there it'll be pretty obvious to an outsider that some of us are CDs.

But like has already been said, just do whatever makes you happy.

[Karren H]

I think you hit it when you said "safe" at home... Safe to me is sooo boreing.. Not in like personal safety and getting hurt but in breaking out of your comfort zone so to speak.. Of coarse I have jumped out of a perfectly good air plane and go deep underground for a living... and I don't really care if I pass or not I just enjoy pushing the envelope once in a while.. Maybe I'm a part time adrenaline junkie.. But its not for everyone.. And don't think that just because someone else jumps off a bridge you have to too.. God I sound like my mother!! Hahahaha.

[Rebecca Jayne]

Lovely Julieanne

I play it safe, Small steps girl.

Nothing like a linebacker in high heels and a skirt at the local store. I have no desire to go clubbing, so shopping is my life, shop till I drop.

I am always underdressed, bit of light make up now and then and nail polish. When your out next time look at the women, they are not all super models/10's, they are ordinary people.

They just blend in, that"s what I feel like I do is blend in.

Love RJ

[StacyCD]

Everyone is different so you don't have to do anything that you don't want to do! I dress at home 95% of the time and only rarely get to go out. However, I enjoy both dressing at home and going out.

[sterling12]

Only you can decide if it's worth it, to go out.

What have you missed? Probably the biggest thing is, being with others who are just like you. Before The Internet, for practically all, being transgendered meant a life of loneliness and isolation. And for some people, they are still content to be alone with their "gift." Or, they get enough out of the interaction in places like this, that they are satisfied. For others it's a different story.

It is a fact, that for some what you don't have...you can't miss. But, for a lot of us, The Friendships, The Support, The Adventure, and The Fun of being out and about, is just like a narcotic. We have "partaken" of The Forbidden Fruit, and we liked it too much to ever go back To The Closet.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[erickka]

Only you can answer that question, since it affects only you. You will surely know it your heart when / where the time is right take that giant leap.

[Sheila]

Hun you do what is right for you at any point ............ so long as you are comfortable, safe and happy, it doesn't matter what others are doing.

It is not a competition although sometimes I admit it is made to seem that way:doh:, the out and aboput stories are from girls who have gone out and have/are enjoying it and if they perhaps give someone else the little nudge they need, good, otherwise just read em, enjoy their adventures and stay happy with who you are and what you are doing :hugs:

[Sammygoth]

I live close to Manhatten and I see gurls in the streets alot. Honestly I can't wait to perfect my look and wander the streets of wiliamsburg or the village. Its the simple things, hearing some music or hitting a resturaunt that makes me really melt into my fem side. Not everyone lives near NYC though...

-Sammy

[Leslie Foxx]

If you don't feel the urge or need to get out and about, then don't. For me it was a compulsion to get out and express myself in my preferred gender.

Here's how I feel about it:
Being dressed behind locked doors and closed curtains was like being a dead athiest. I was all dressed up with nowhere to go.

[Kate Simmons]

Much of it depends on what you would be trying to accomplish by going out. I was "inside" for years before I decided to join a TG group. My purpose was to meet and interact with others like myself and basically to find my own comfort level. I sometimes question the driving "need" to pass in public and think that sometimes the emphasis should be to become accepted for who we are and not who we pretend to be. Nothing wrong with being a pretty guy. Besides if we are successful in fooling others into believing we are something we are not,not much is really accomplished for us or the community in general but is more for personal satisfaction than anything else.

[Kalley]

If you don't really get the urge to go out dressed,then don't. Nothing wrong with staying home or whatever.

I'm not sure why I started going out,I think I just wanted to see what it felt like. It's still exciting to me,even if its just driving around or going to the park. It still seems safer at home,but just gets boring after awhile. Going out dressed or even sorta half dressed isn't for everyone.

Going out and being social or interacting with others is something I've hardly done though.

[SarahSouth]

Hi Julienne
I know how you feel. I have recently had a professional make over and it gave me the confidence to go out en fem - which was a great experience - and gave me more confidence
Sarah