new life in public's eye

[Teri Jean]

I just read the thread by Helen and it got me thinking of my situation. This week and for the past few weeks I have been coming out big time. Most of you know from my threads about the Legion and such but this week has been at work.

Now I live in a conservative area of southern Minnesota and work for a university. Being a 60yrs young and living here most of my life (minus military) I have the luxury or misfourtune of knowing a lot of people. Not bragging; but I have been a union leader for 20 years, Post commander of one of our Legions, Sgt-at-Arms of color guard and honor guard, and a fixture of the university for 26yrs.

Yesturday while at work the Director of our Campus Recreation Department asked if he and his assistant could sit down and ask a few questions. After I answered why I chose this path he said he did not believe in this that mem are men and same for women. Then the part of my throwing my life away as I am percieved as a pillar of the community and a leader both in the communityas well as all over the southern part of the state.

After he said his piece I asked him if he though I had broken any laws or caused someone to faulter in any way. So the conversation ended in a understanding of we will agree to disagree.

When we decide this is our path sometimes the road is more visible.

Teri

[Dawn D.]

Teri Jean,

You are a very brave soul. This is a hard thing to do; to be ourselves and let this part of us be visible to all who thought they knew us. In part of your post you stated:


Then the part of my throwing my life away as I am percieved as a pillar of the community and a leader both in the communityas well as all over the southern part of the state.

Others perceptions of who is throwing what away is only theirs. The problem is within them, as they adjust and try to readjust their new perception of this person they thought that they knew.

Hopefully you have the confidence within yourself that whatever their argument is to the contrary, you will continue to be yourself and that this new life of yours will continue to prosper. There is no doubt about it, this is something that can be difficult and changes in relationships you thought you knew were strong can and will change. Maybe not all of them, nonetheless some will.

Stay strong sister! Life is good! Being yourself is better!


Dawn

[Kayla Shadows]

It takes a lot of courage to do what you've done.Something like this is still a little bit scary for me.I guess his response could have been better but, people don't always understand.I think having a fearlessness in being yourself,regardless of what the world thinks,shows great strength.Some look down on us and try to make us believe we are throwing our lives away but,I don't see becoming the person you are as losing. I don't think that the people who try to hold others down cuz of their own selfish ideas are humanly superior to us either.Lots needs to change in this world.The more we come out and the more people get use to us,the more I see change coming our way.You've made some big steps and I have many congrats for you.It is wonderful :hugs:

[Teri Jean]

Dawn and Kayla,
Thank you for sharing and you are right as one doesn't throw their past away but really mprove their lives. It is sad that the general public feels this is such a waste as they really need to look inward. Many people feel sitting in from of the TV for a whole weekend watching sports as an accomplishmenrt or some other activity that at best is entertainment, but dealing with something that is inward strengthing is something that is wrong.
What is wrong is not trying to understand what some individuals need to be whole isn't really their business other than to support and understand. On a up note; I was going through my on-line paperwork and found my suppervisor has made my name change today. Also a few people stopped but to wish me well. One faculty member gave me a hug and said "just don't come to work better looking", she is a dear.

Huggs and thank you. Teri

[Hope]

I think a lot of being a leader in a community is about pushing boundaries, expanding the world of those around us when they kick and scream, and refuse to become people with bigger worlds. It is afflicting the comfortable and comforting the afflicted. You are not "throwing your life away" as a community leader, THIS is a part of what being a leader is about.

Of course, another part of it having to put up with the push-back, but it sounds like you handled the whole thing with aplomb.

I do have to say I giggled when I read "Well I don't believe in this..." and thought "Well here I am! believe it!"

[LisaM]

Teri Jean,

You are being a pillar of your community! Some people will understand and it will take generations for others. But you are being a leader and I know a lot of people will respect your courage.

Your happiness won't occur immediately--I'd expect a lot more pain. but I would expect that you will eventually find your peace and I think what you are going through is worth it.

[LaurenS.]

Teri Jean,
I admire you for your strength and courage. You are indeed a stronger woman than I.
Lauren

[Teri Jean]

Through this process we first want to tell our immediate family because one doesn't want to have them find out through the rumor mill. I found this was a good idea but as we get more comfortable we are better at expressing our feelings. Today after work my youngest daughter(32yrs old) wanted to talk with me about my goals, so we sat and talked for an hour. She was wondering why she didn't hear this and that, to which I said I have finally gotten more comfortable to explain more clearly my feelings and goals. She understood this and after we talked she seemed to be more comfortable also.

Time is of essence in achieving the comfort level for all and one shouldn't try to force it but let it flow.

Teri

[TerryTerri]

Teri Jean,
Thanks for sharing with us about this. As many have said, I think you are a strong woman. I also think that reading about your trial helps me contemplate and be able to go through my own someday if I end up coming out (Unknown at this point).
As to the general public, I simply think gender issues are something that can not be comprehended unless you have them. It may seem so simple, once I became aware of my gender issues, gender became a VERY flexible concept. But, how to get another, who doesn't have the thoughts, attitudes and desires about the opposite gender to see some of the basic stuff is beyond me. But, even given that, my 2 closest friends, whom I have recently told, did not desert me and although they don't really understand, they support and even encourage me with all this stuff.
Personally, I think I could be pretty comfortable with respectful disagreement. One of my fears concerns a few good folk in my live who, due to strong christian religious convictions, are religously (pun intended) inflexible. I'm not looking forward to having a specific person sit me down and try to "cure me through Jesus Christ's love". I honestly anticipate that he will try to do that, he's that kind of guy.
To all christians, please do not interpret what I just wrote as being any sort of disrespect for chrisitan's in general, or any specific christian that I do not know. I am reffering to a specific, slightly overzealous in my opinion, indiviual who has, on more than one occasion, tried to convince me to believe in God in his specific manner. He's a good man and sort of an extended in-law person. So, I can't just ignore him. But, he's the type who doesn't seem to comphrehend that others can believe differently and that it's okay.
Goosh darnit, didn't mean to ramble on, again.
Thanks again Teri

[SherriePall]

Teri Jean -- Will you be any less of a pillar in the community than you were before? It is what was inside of you all these years that made you the person you were. That remains even as the outwardly physical appearance changes. Almost sounded a little selfish on the director's behalf in that he may feel you won't be doing as much for the community from now on. Anyway, it's his problem. Continued best wishes.

[Sheila]

Teri Jean, courage & and empathy in abundance. I am sure your courage and standing in the community will stand you in good stead overall :hugs:

[Melissa A.]

As far as I can tell, Teri, The courage you are displaying is entirely consistent and in character with your past. The people who really impress me are those that get right away how tough we have to be, just to survive. And many do. More than I originally thought. Continued luck and strength, sister. I love stories like this. You didn't change this individual's opinion, but who cares? If he has even half a brain, he has to respect you. I know I do.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[Nicole_P]

I'm with you hon! You can do it! Be strong!!! Those people simply do not know any better and ignorance should never bother us. You go girl!!

Hugs-
Nicole

[morgan51]

keep the courage going we are all rooting for you happy to see your still staying the course. Your courage bolsters mine. Hugs..... Morgan