Why is it so hard to find others like me?

[johnboy23]

I went to my first and the only support group in the charleston sc area for the GLBTQ community. My fiance and I were the only ones there besides the two volunteer ladies there. I did not want to stay when I realized no one else was coming. While I was there the ladies said I was the only Xdresser that has ever been there since the four years they started. Needless to say I am not going back but will keep in touch with them so they can let me know if a Xdresser ever pops up there. I have done searching through myspace and found about three xdressers near me but all of them have not came out to their wifes (all three were married) so I knew that a friendship would not ever come to be. I just want to know why most of the younger xdressers in my area are so insecure and scared to come out to their SOs before they get married so they can have a decent relationship and a friendship with another xdresser. Just annoying

[mklinden2010]

OK, you went to one (1) meeting.

One meeting proves nothing - except that it's one down and more to go.

I went to my first support group in a big city - it was a very small group and some of "those people" were a little odd...

But, I'd been around the block and knew to just keep at it:

"Where's there's one, there will be more. And, where there are more, there is more opportunity."

Repetition is the key to learning and success.

Keep asking, keep trying. There are plenty of people out here.

But, most of them don't know yet that YOU are on the planet.

Let them know that you are, and, where you usually are, and when you're usually there.

If you show up, they eventually will too.

Come on, somebody's gotta be a hero!

[Kathi Lake]

Jackie, can I ask you what you were looking for by gong to a support group? It sounds like your SO and yourself are pretty well-adjusted. In other words, you don't really need support. Is what you're after merely friendship? That's a different story. For friendship and meetup opportunities, there is a place here on the board where you can set up times/places for that. It's called the Meeting Place. Here is the link (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=7).

Kathi

[PaulaJaneThomas]

Having, until recently, run a TG support group for many years, it was/is sad how few ever plucked up the courage to get out of the house and knock on our door. A gay friend of mine once gave me the following observation: the thing about being transgender is that, unless you need to be full-time, you can potentially (note that word!) hide it from the whole world and achieve a level of fulfilment whereas if you're gay or lesbian you need to share your secret with at least one other person. Maybe if they're prepared to promote/facilitate a T-specific meeting and you're prepared to turn up and support it you could start attracting others?

[Karren H]

Mabe others don't need support? Or don't want support. Personally I feel that crossdressing is a personal sport and I don't really want to go meet with a group because I don't have any issues to resolve.. But that's just me.. Now if there were a shopping support group or an ice hockey support group I might reconsider!! :)

[kellycan27]

Mabe others don't need support? Or don't want support. Personally I feel that crossdressing is a personal sport and I don't really want to go meet with a group because I don't have any issues to resolve.. But that's just me.. Now if there were a shopping support group or an ice hockey support group I might reconsider!! :)

I agree with you Karen. I have never attended any support groups.... Never felt the need.. just plugged along making mistakes and learning along the way.

[mklinden2010]

Thing is, everyone has to start somewhere...

Support groups are certainly a mixed bag. But, you have to show up to find out what's available locally - if not elsewhere.

Never went to a support group meeting that didn't wind up at a club, bar, coffee shop, etc.

And, never went to one where I didn't learn something about where to go and what to do.

They can be a pain, that's for sure, but they can also be useful.

You just have to work with the opportunities you have.

One thing usually leads to another...

[Deidra Cowen]

Check out....

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Trans-Carolina/

They are a social group that I know do parties, gatherings even gay pride day stuff. I believe sometimes they meet in Florence SC which if memory serves is just a couple of hrs up the interstate from you.

We have a simular group in Atlanta. Anyway its a grab bag these yahoo groups that do socials. Everything from CDs to FT girls. You get gay, str8, single and married. Bet you two could find a friend or two there that are kinda on your wavelength.

Good luck!

[johnboy23]

Thanks everyone. I didnt need support, just trying to find friends that are as open as I am. But, That makes sense to keep going and more should follow. Thanks again!

[sherri52]

Besides checking the meeting place here you can check for the nearest tri-ess in your community. As for why cd'ers do or do not come out with thier crossdressing visit Jessicawho.com she is in the middle of just that now and you can start the article from the beggining.

[Misty G]

When I use to live in Relight NC I tried to make contact with the support group there and never could get a response from them. What I am getting at is it wasn't that far to Atlanta where you can meet with the Sig Ep group. They are a great support group that you would like

[LisaM]

Have you tried this web site:

http://www.transgender.org/cats/

It is Charleston based. Let me know if it helps.

[Leslie Foxx]

A friend of mine is active with a group in Myrtle. She tells me the area is very T friendly. PM me if you'd like contact information.

[Satrana]

If you are after friendship with those out of the closet, the most likely place to find them is in gay/lesbian bars. Suggest you visit these places and ask the bartenders if CDs regularly make an appearance. If there is a local CD scene they most likely have chosen one of these venues as their haunt.

[slamddoger]

ther is a lot of them out there but ther so good at it that you cant tail if thay are men or women.

[sherri]

As johnboy clarified, the appeal of support groups can be as much about socializing as support. A CD friend and I have tried to start up a group here in a city of about 250,000 without success, even though I know for a fact (as opposed to just relying on statistics) that there are a number of gurls in our area. Either they just don't feel the need to get out and mingle or they simply can't summon the courage (the latter usually being the case). Even the few who have made inquiries don't follow through, in spite of the fact that we could provide a very private and safe place to meet. I've been going out to the clubs for several years and 999 times out of a thousand I'm the only mtf TG in the joint. Even the handful of guys who perform in local drag shows go out in drab when they're not performing.

Some conclusions I've come to are:


there's a really high level of paranoia associated with circulating in one's own home territory
it takes a pretty large city to contain a even a few CDs who are motivated to get out and congregate
it takes a large city to provide the level of anonymity needed to make gurls comfortable with getting out
it takes a lot of patience and a really aggressive campaign to get the word out and attract participation
gurls who are still in the closet or on the fence tend to be more comfortable with a more formal organization like TriEss than with casual start-up groups
much to my surprise, some conflicts of orientation or philosophy or practice -- married vs single, hetero vs gay or bi, etc -- can quickly surface that seem to thwart interest and participation; i.e., us single gay/bi types seem to make the hetero TriEss-ish types nervous for some reason

[Princess Chantal]

Try a group that describe's theirselves more as a social group than a support group. There is a difference

[sterling12]

Each local group has its own flavor, its own customs, and is usually more one thing or the other. More social, or more support. And by support, we are usually talking about a group with someone who has TG Counseling Experience.

Most of us are looking for The Social Group. And for support, the occasional empathetic ear.

Now, to your problem. If you were the first ones to respond.....what an opportunity! You can now start that group going, and help others to finally get out of their Closets. Trust me, "if you build it, they will come!" You will have to establish a public website, a dependable contact and follow-up system, and present programs and themes for your meetings....they need a reason to attend. Once you get going, they will start coming out of The Woodwork. In a town the size of Charleston, you could easily have 10 to 15 active members within a year. A good place to start, put a cheapie contact ad in your local LGBT paper. Give them a number to call.

To reinterate, I would treat this "problem," as an opportunity! Just do it!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Ralph]

I know exactly how you feel, John. I tend to hang out at the Transgender Resource Center in Second Life, and last night when I went there somebody was all upset that I was "equating crossdressing with transgender". As always, I was the only crossdresser in the discussion, and my adversary wasn't alone in thinking that TG refers exclusively to TS.

That's why I keep coming back here! We may not all always agree about stuff, but at least we all understand the crossdressing side of life.