Having a hard time with partner

[pilot9000]

Hi,

My partner simply wishes that the other part of me simply did not exist and if I can stop it she'll be happy.

[Emily Ann Brown]

We've never heard of anything remotely like this before.......
NOT !!!! But welcome to the group.

Emily Ann

[Dixie Darling]

It's evident that she's not aware of the fact that crossdressing is a NEED that you have. It's something that you were BORN with and as such was not a choice on your part. If it were possible to simply rid yourself of your need to dress, in all likelyhood the personality that remained wouldn't be one that she liked nearly as well as she likes the one you have now. Why? Because your crossdressing is a part of your overall makeup (pun not intended) :) and removing it would change you quite a bit.

She needs to understand that it's not going to just go away. Have her look at some of the posts here and send her over to my web site for some down to earth information that she can learn about us from.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[jenniferluv]

rather common problem for most cd's. just keep working at it and remember she is a part of it wether she likes it or not--so be sensitive to her needs as well as your own.

[Ophelia D'Void]

How close are you and your SO? Other than the crossdressing thing, how well do the two of you interact? Have the two of you been together for a long time? or did you just get together? And what's your level of commitment? Just got together, fiancee', married? There are alot of issues to weigh, and I don't think that you should slight the fact that you're a crossdresser, since it is a part of who you are as a person. More often than not dressing is going to be an aspect of you that is here to stay, so you shouldn't deny it. However, you should also recognize that it can, and often is, uncomfortable for SO's the first time.

Many crossdressers have the impression that the best way to present one's self to an SO is to jump in front of them in full drag, screaming "This is me, this is who I am, see me, love me!". Unfortunately this is often counterproductive, and women who otherwise would have been more accepting may actually be put off. Those of us lucky enough to have SO's that accept that aspect of CDing often do so in spite of the fact that we're crossdressers, not because of the fact. There are those women who actually get turned on by crossdressers, maybe because of bi tendencies, or because it's a kink (which is perfectly ok... after all, who are we to judge), but the majority just do it out of love.

In one of my classes a while back a nurse who was teaching related a story about a man that was so addicted to drinking, that after he had his jaw removed due to cancer, his wife still lovingly gave him alcohol enemas to get so that he could still get his buzz (um, don't try this at home, and if you do, don't be going "bottom's up" with your favorite bottle of Bacardi 151; I imagine that you do decide to try this trick, start with a lower proof). I'm sure that she didn't grow up as a little girl dreaming "and when I grow up, I'm going to be married, and have an alcoholic husband who has part of his face missing and I'll be resigned to becoming an anal gas-station attendant", but the fact that she stuck by him more than shows her devotion.

The fact is that some women are into it, some are not, but take it slow. Mention to her that it's something that probably won't go away, but if it bothers her you won't do it in front of her, and just out of consideration ask her not to tell anyone (no offense to the GG's out there, but women are more likely to seek outside guidance to deal with moral dillemmas, and those 'confidants' may seek more outside guidance, etc.). If after a little while she asks to help, that's cool, and if not, then accept that it'll be something that you do away from her, like maybe going to a lodge meeting or watching football. It's not that she's being excluded, but rather it's something that you need to do, and she doesn't need to feel left out if she's not there... kinda like going to the bathroom. If she still can't handle it, then maybe it's more of a sign that there's an underlying issue in the relationship that addresses a general incompatibility, and crossdressing is just an excuse?

It was very courageous of you to mention to her that you crossdress. Now it's just a matter of patience and dealing with related questions as they come.

Best of luck to you...

O

[Wendy me]

welcome to the club my wife feels the same way although we are makeing progress
a little at at a time don't push it on her and go slow something your going to hear a lot small steps......good luck...

[Tristen Cox]

Hi,

My partner simply wishes that the other part of me simply did not exist and if I can stop it she'll be happy.
You know I have heard that alot, maybe some of it is some how our fault but I wonder how they would feel if we expressed that toward them. Would they feel sad or guilty and try to come to understanding or would they get mad and threaten to leave?

[Priscilla1018]

You know I have heard that alot, maybe some of it is some how our fault but I wonder how they would feel if we expressed that toward them. Would they feel sad or guilty and try to come to understanding or would they get mad and threaten to leave?

Interesting perspective.

Well Pilot,I have never heard of anyone being able to quit.This life is not really a choice we make,it's who we are.

[DonnaT]

My wife's known for 29 years. Puts up with it. Even helps sometimes. Because she loves me. She still hates it and wishes I didn't do it.

Welcome to the club.

[Toyah]

My wife's known for 29 years. Puts up with it. Even helps sometimes. Because she loves me. She still hates it and wishes I didn't do it.

Welcome to the club.

Oh I soooo know that feeling.

[Jenny Beth]

Dixie's post is right on the money here. A good discussion and a willingness on her part to listen could smooth over some of her misconceptions and fears but it is still no guarantee that she will be able to accept this. Above all she needs to know you love her.