What did your wife/SO say when...

[Cathytg]

What did your wife or SO say when you told her that you are a cross dresser? Has your perception of what she said changed with time?

I told my wife about me on our second date. What did she say? "Wow! Do you have cool clothes?" It is no wonder that I love her so much.

That was four years ago. I have come to realize that she is warmly understanding and very supportive. She immediately accepted the dressing as part of who I am and kept right on developing our relationship with that as an added dimension.

What did your wife or SO say? I am not asking how has your relationship developed; just what was her initial reaction?

[michelle64]

wow!..i like that..been down hill ever sense..no not really the later.i did tell her on the very first date...

[sherri52]

You have a great wife. I've told both my wives early and still ended in divorce

[Holly]

After about an hour of talking, she said, "If you are going to do this, you are going to learn to do it right. You are going to learn to walk and carry yourself as a proper lady, do your own makeup and hair, shop for your own things and so on." Got to love her for that. She followed through, too. That's not to say she hasn't helped... she has immensely. Telling her was one of the best things I've done. Marrying her was by far the best!

[marisa]

i had the talk with my g/f after about 4 months together. honestly, that was the hardest conversation i have ever had in my life and i was almost in tears because i was so scared. all she said was " is that it". our relationship changed that day. it changed from a very good one to a super excelent one. she didn't even lay any ground rules down. god i love her. ;)

[Joy Carter]

I know I lost her respect...............

[mskanuchi]

When I told my wife that I wanted more than just wearing panties, lot's of lingerie, wanted to start make-up, and fully dressing, she was OK with it. When we went shopping for lingerie for me the first time, after getting home and me trying on everything, she said " different, but I can get used to it". I haven't been to overbearing with everything, mostly wear lingerie every night, do my dressing in my own time. She dosen't have too much of a problem with it, she is still getting a full grasp of it all, and I give her all the room she needs to come to terms with it all. It has been good for us.

[Josephine 1941]

Hi Cathytd, I guess 4 yrs ago was the time too meet women that love us men that have better cloths then they do. My GG was in her 2nd year of her husbands death. When i told her she said so I am a New York city girl. Then she stole all my cloths, I had better fashion sense then. We are the same size in all out cloths and shoes. WE now by matching outfits as we go out as sisters she all so bought me a wig, a good one, same style and color as her hair. Life is good. :D:cheer::cute::^5::yahoo:

[Josie M]

Told my wife before we got married. Initially, she was relived because she knew something was bothering me for a while. Then she went through the "are you sure you're not gay?" phase.

Today, she understands and accepts my dressing, although I don't have much time for it these days anymore.

I will say this though, soon after I told her for the first time, we watched "Silence of the Lambs" together....BAD IDEA...

[DeniseCA]

I think her jaw about hit the floor. Her initial reaction was definitely disbelief, like "Are you kidding me"? Granted though, I kept it a secret for a LONG time ...

[Hope]

She said "I know, I have just been waiting for you to tell me." It really wan't a big deal. Admittedly, when we were dating, hay roommate used to call me "pretty pretty princess" because I was - well - fussy and girly. So really, it wasn't too much of a surprise for anyone I guess.

[Marcia Blue]

I mentioned my dressing to my wife before we were married. She was indifferent about it then. I kept it hidden untill recently. We has a long talk, she browsed this forum, and is coming to gripps with it better than I thought she would. Our marriage is stronger than dressing and we are closer then ever.

[Janetmichelle]

I told my S/o while we were out camping about three month after being together. She was very supportive and then she was acting a little strange a few weeks later and finally was able to tell me that she wanted to dress and act like a boy. So everything ever since has been very wonderful.

[Barbara918]

Told her on 3rd date. This was long before internet, so not much info available. This was a time when everyone believed man + dress = gay. She didnt know what to make of it, said she needed time to think. OK. week later she said she might be willing to see me dressed, so I dressed. She wasnt happy, but still ..... Allowed me to go to bed that night in bra, slip, & pantyhose. Ultimately said she didnt like it, but tolerated as long as she never had to see me Cdd again & i didnt wear her things. OK.
2 good-ish things, though -- she was able to "exact vengeance" on all men by snapping my bra straps, & the next a.m. she confessed she'd never known me to have a better night's sleep, but overall please no more CDing.

[Jonianne]

I told my wife long before we were married 10 years ago. After she asked the two usual questions, she said she needed to go think about it. The next day she called me and said she did not care what I wore, she just loved me. After that we talked about boundries and groundrules (my years in therapy weren't wasted!) and later she went with me to my first triess meetings to see what this was about. In time she was the one who took me out on my first outing saying "Joni needs to feel the sun on her face".

It hasn't always been easy for her or us, though. We have had struggles with this issue like any couples would, but the best thing in the world was telling her before we were even too serious as a couple. More than once she has looked at me with that frustrated hands-on-hip look and say, "Well, it's not like you didn't tell me from the begining!".

We always worked it out together.

[TGMarla]

What did your wife or SO say when you told her that you are a cross dresser?


I prefer not to discuss it. It's a painful memory.

[Bethany38]

When I first told my wife she went through her own questions that are the usual of the gay thing and what have you. However, about a week later she found this site for me. Don't get me wrong she never made me feel that i was weird, or anything like that. She just had to go through the processing motions. Now she is totally supportive of me and Bethany. She helps me in any way. She is not the greatest with makeup for she has never worn that much. After I have came out to everyone; my niece has come to my rescue with my makeup. All in all I wish I had come out years ago now.

[Carol A]

Well I don't tell my wife my mother told her when we talked about getting married. You see I have openly dress since I was 14 and for what it was worth it was a huge turn on for my wife.

Now like Holly my wife told me if I was going to do it, do it right, we have been married 45 years now and she stills tells me if I am proper or not not and makes me dress my age. :love:

[Sheila]

What did your wife or SO say? I am not asking how has your relationship developed; just what was her initial reaction?

I discovered my previous partener was a CDER after finding some pics on a phone he had 2 and a half years into the relationship ........... I was hurt and angry that he lied to me for so long about something so huge, something that affected our relationship, with each other and with family and friends .......... the dressing itself never bothered me ..... ( I went out and bought him some clothes the next day) .... we parted 2 years to the day after I found out after a further 2 years of deception and discovery of more lies :Angry3::Angry3:

Debs I met here 5 months after the relationship broke up ......... we marry in just over 3 weeks and are having a confirmation ceremony on Dec 1st ( a year exactly to the date our relationship started), where she will wear a wedding gown.

Two different tales, two very different relationship, two people very much in
love:)

[Laura_Stephens]

My wife said, "I feel like I'm going to throw up." Things went downhill from there.

[SherriePall]

Well, it was not pretty. I blurted it out (apologies to any who have already heard this). She cried, asked the two questions. Cried some more and left our bedroom.
Couple of days later she calmed down a little. Since you only asked about the initial reaction, that's my story.

[Lorileah]

I believe her words were to the effect "why would you WANT to wear that? It isn't the most comfortable thing in the world, but if that's what you want, go ahead."

[JenniferR771]

My wife used some vile profanity when she caught me in her clothes. I said I had a "secret hobby". She has a negative attitude. Homophobic, maybe. But she has gradually accepted tiny bits of my "hobby". Allows me to keep 6 dresses in my closet--provided they are in garment bags. Rearranged my 10 wigs craming them into two small boxes. She doesn't mind that I have many more dresses and numerous items in my garage storage. She knows the names of a few of my cd buddies, and this month for the first time she read a few sentences on this forum site.

[Alice B]

After several long discussions and study of reading materials I provided she decided that it was OK that I wanted and needed to dress. She made it clear that she did not want to see me dressed. Over the past few years she has become more and more accepting, has bought me ear rings, etc. Lets me buy all the female clothing I need, lets me wear panties 7/24, keep my toe nails painted and legs shaved. But still does not wish to see me dressed for any length of time. I can live with that.

[sissystephanie]

I told my late wife when I asked her to marry me! She looked me in the eyes and said, "Do you go out in public dressed as a girl?" I told that I did not, because I was no good with makeup or fixing a wig. She laughed, and said, "Well, I will take care of those problems! You can be my girlfriend as well as my husband!" We had over 40 years of happiness together before I lost her to cancer!

The secret to success in this kind of relationship is to constantly let your wife/SO know that under the silk and lace, you are still her man!! Sure worked with my wife!!

[Desiree2bababe]

I told my wife while we were dating. She couldn't believe it and told me to prove it. I went and got dressing in a hot pink dress with matching sling back 4" heels, long blonde wig. She didn't like my taste in clothing, saying it was outdated. She said she couldn't believe I dressed, asked if I liked men, said she could understand if I were a petite man.

She came around and eventually we married, then the bucket dropped. She couldn't believe my collection of heels, dresses, wigs, jewelry, and my skill at makeup. She eventually turned against the idea and started with the names, insults, etc.

She now lives with the knowledge, even teases me from time to time........

[kerryann]

My girlfriend new I was bi so it wasn't a problem for her she has supported me. We shop together we have been together 11 yrs.

[nikki47]

I to her just after we met,she was very shocked,but we talked and talked,she started to buy me clothes and makeup,then we had a family and she asked me to never let our children know,so while they were growing up,i did restrict it to just the occasional time,now they are 22 and 17 and i'm dressing more frequently with my wifes blessing.So i feel very lucky to have a supporting wife.

Nikki

[Amymonroe]

I told my wife the day we got married as we were driving down the road and she took it pretty well. instead of going straight home we stopped at the nearest wal-mart and we went shopping for me. we have been married for 12 wonderful years. i am still some what in the closet due to my job. but when ever i'm not at work i'm en fem mode. and she is very supportive.

[AmiFL]

I had four opportunities to share my crossdressing with people significant in my life. They all reacted very differently.

First was a woman I lived with for 9 years. I dressed as a woman with her for two Holloweens. We were breaking up just before the second time but remained freinds back then. I told her about my desire to crossdress. She took it with an open mind ( I guess because she was leaving ) and had fun with it. She bought me some outfits, gave me some of her old clothes and critiqued my style. It was alot of fun until she moved out. With my new found freedom a dressed all the time.

Next, I was dating my present wife for about 5 months when I dressed infront of her for the first time. After too many glasses of wine, I bet her my legs were as nice as hers. That night she thought it was cute so I explained to her that I enjoyed crossdressing. The next day I gave her a nice card thanking her for her understanding. Well, sober she was NOT I repeat NOT so understanding. I married her anyway and promised not to dress anymore. As we all know that was a promise I was unable to keep. She found this out accidently and to this day she threatens to "out" me when we argue. Recently she did out me to my 18 yr old son who kinda blew her off.

Ironically, during a time in my marriage I befriended "another woman" who became sort of my confidant among other things. I told her about my dressing and my wifes threats. Her reaction was "I want to see you dressed!"
Now, back then I was much thinner and younger so I looked pretty good from the waist down when I dressed. Not as good as many of you, but the transformation amazed her. She loved to see me dressed any chance she could. Unfortunately the love of my children outshadowed my love for her and we we forced to part company.

Lastly, I told one of my best male freinds about the incident with my wife and son. He is gay and I knew he would understand. I was there for him when he came out. He did understand totally. He was supportive and wants me to leave her for my own good. Yet I stay for the good of my kids.

Thanks for letting me share.

Amy

[Lorileah]

She found this out accidently and to this day she threatens to "out" me when we argue. Recently she did out me to my 18 yr old son who kinda blew her off.



Amy here is a key to the whole thing. Your wife is using it as a control over you. That is not what a marriage is all about. You should never use anything as blackmail in a marriage. You can see what happened when she outted you to your son. It was a "non-moment" Next argument, don't let that be THE issue. The fight is over something else not your dressing. Fight fair. Bringing other issues into the specific argument is just one person's way to change the issue and out you on the defensive.

[mklinden2010]

You just asked for the immediate response, but it has always been a "One-two" response.....

First one:

"Is that all that's bothering you?"

She then proceeded to unload the dresser and to pick places to go shopping for "us."

Second one, "But, I want to be the girl in the relationship!"

She then proceeded to insist I do things correctly and kept an eye on me to make sure I did, "proper credit to real women."

Third one (But, not the only one.):

"So, do you want me to help you go clubbing, find a guy, what?"

And, then she did - not what I wanted or expected... But, that was her response.

Fourth one:

"Hmmm. Well, I think the relationship is worth it."

It is.

[AmiFL]

Amy here is a key to the whole thing. Your wife is using it as a control over you. That is not what a marriage is all about. You should never use anything as blackmail in a marriage. You can see what happened when she outted you to your son. It was a "non-moment" Next argument, don't let that be THE issue. The fight is over something else not your dressing. Fight fair. Bringing other issues into the specific argument is just one person's way to change the issue and out you on the defensive.

Lorileah,

I agree.... it is purely for control. Years past it bothered me, but now really "who cares". People do much worse and are accused of even more things and they survive. After her outburst to my son I realize I will survive another "intentional outing".

Thanks for your input.

Ami

[Teri Jean]

My wife passed two plus years ago and though I'm not in a realtionship the gal I'm drawn to knows and all she is worried about is my safety. If this freindship flurishes she knows up front. By the way I'm starting my transition, how far is to be seen, but at least she does know.

Teri

[suchacutie]

The first time I ever partially dressed was for my wife...stockings, platforms, lingerie, shirt...and she said, "look at those legs! We have to get you a dress!". I asked how we do that, and the world changed! She explains every aspect of being feminine as Tina's world expands. We're not sure how far it will go, but there is so much more to learn!

tina

[JulieC]

Here's a few different responses, all from different women I've dated (and in one case married):

Girlfriend #1 (not first, just numbering here): Thought I was gay, very uncomfortable with it. Stayed uncomfortable with it until I figured out what was gnawing at her and told her I wasn't gay. Then she sort of liked it. It was never really a factor in our relationship after that.

Girlfriend #2: Didn't like it. Pretty strong rejection of it. Ridicule on occasion. Was herself bi, but couldn't accept that I was different.

Girlfriend #3: Actively turned on by it. Relished it. Wanted me to dress. Relationship short lived.

Wife: Told her about four months into our relationship (long before we got engaged). Her reaction was essentially "is that all?" She bought me pantyhose a couple of days later. Did a 180 on me in terms of acceptance just before I went to my first support group meeting. She was scared of everything for a while; scared of her own attraction to me changing, scared of society's reaction, scared of me being pulled over by the police, etc. I went in the closet for months, and wouldn't talk about it with her. Over time, the door creaked open again, and she's back to being 100% supportive. She insists the 180 was an aberration and she'll never go back to being non-supportive.

[Wen4cd]

"That's IT?!?? That's your big secret? Jesus, stop scaring me like that!"

[Melissa in hose]

My wife has always suspected I wanted to. We dated in High School and she dressed me for a date. After we had been married a year, she told me to wear the pantyhose in bed. She was tired of wearing them all the time to help with my fetish and she told me to put them on if I liked them so much, she then liked the look and feel of them on me and a number of years later we discussed my desire to fully dress and she accepted it. I know the original question was about the first reaction but ours was longer drawn out process. She told me she would help me with "the look", and she did, she taught me how to wear my make-up and still advises me on my outfits.

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

After I tried on women's clothes when it was just to spice things and it felt great,I told my wife about my desire to CD and my femme side. She was understanding and had a few questions but that was it and has been supportive and partake ever since.


Felicity

[jacques]

Hi,
the love of my life said "it's only clothes!",
bless her!
luv J

[AmandaM]

She said, "So?". :)

[MissyW]

My wife has known our whole marriage. I was kinda scared to talk about it so i just blurted it out one day. Not very effective I know , but it worked ! She asked me if i thought I was Gay or Bi (answer no). Then she asked if i need help with sizes! What a great answer! Her stance on the issue is that if I am happy and not harming myself or someone else, our marriage will be happier. She has been accepting and supportive ever since that day. I am very lucky to have her.

[Shelly67]

The day I came out .....omg , who needs adrenalin sports ! It was a weird conversation as she ( bless her I love you sugar xx ) already had an idea I was up to something in private .I,d been so tense , wanting to tell her ( I hate lies ) but so , so scared I,d scare her away .I asked to sit down and have a heart to heart . At the moment of nearly blurting it all out in a rushed intense moment , hardly making sense she told me she had a question and to please be honest but not hit the roof . So , she asked me was I a crossdresser ....I felt an obvious surge in those endless moments until the words spilled out in an almost suicidal relief . I nearly fainted as the rush passed ..... what had I done ???
The room fell silent , I felt giddy , almost intoxicated , the relief of honesty now shattered . I tried to explain myself , she remarked she'd noticed things and wanted to know more - especially why I had'nt told her before . In those few moments my life , our life changed . There was such a look of dissapointment on my wifes face it really hurt me , I welled up so did she ...we agreed to talk more later , and not to be afraid on asking questions . Right there and then she asked how far had I taken things . I told her I dressed fully , spoke to 1-2 people online and had tried to take pictures of Shelly . So I showed her what I considered the best one . It was probably all too much too soon , but she again sat there in total silence .
The rest is what can only be described as nearly going to war . the arguments , the accusations , the questions of sexuality . Then there was the time my wife had to meet Shelly for the first time . A disaster ( had 1-2 too many glasses of alcohol to steady my nerves ) I must have come across so badly ....... From then on we took things so slowly , even to the point of playing board games together , watching tv , just sitting together , eventually holding hands until we explored that one magical moment . I don't need to explain any further ...................:hugs: .
it certainly made me realise , a marriage must be worked at . We all have our faults , our mistakes - warts and all . Tis funny , even tho I was shaking in my shoes , that day of coming out will stay with me forever .........

[Sally24]

After I told my then girlfriend that I sometimes liked to wear women's clothes she asked "Do you like guys?". My response, "No, I can barely stand them!".

She has been the 2nd person to know as things changed and progressed thru the years. She has an occasional problem with "it" but has been very good about us setting boundaries that we both can live with. She helped me get out into public for the first time and for that I will always cherish her!

[Zoiq]

I didnt tell my first wife, she just ' found out ', and while some time after that she saw me dressed up once, (it was for a fansy dress party, where she dressed as a man), she just pain hated it.

Not accepting and at the end of the day not the one for me.

I told my current partner about 6 months into dating, show her what I had in the way of female things. After the usual questions, she didnt really say much at all, I think she just needed time to take it all in.

[Toni_Lynn]

NOTE: Kids don't try this at home!

When I told my wife she was just my girlfriend in name, but we both knew inside that before long we'd be married. It was a Sunday evening. She was at home in British Columbia, and I was at home in Pennsylvania. We where chatting on the phone. I kinda fumbled and stuttered and said, "I'ma acrossresser and I like to wear girls clothes." In true "Ed Wood" fashion (the scene in the tunnel of love), the was a pause and she said (in a very agreeable tone), "Okay". I continued on, saying, it can be a lot of fun for both of us and I'll never embarrass you with it, etc, the tears welling up in eyes and a knot forming in my throat, to which she again replied (in a very agreeable tone), "Okay". I continued on blathering, and she finally said --"It's alright. No problem!", to which inside of me, a little devil was saying "What do mean its alright, its okay -- don't you understand, I wear panties and bras, I'm a weirdo." Thank God the good angel came along and kicked that devil in the a$$ and said "scram!".

We talked a bit more about it, and giggled quite a bit. She told me that he son, who is autistic, liked to dress as a girl for Halloween!

We then talked about the , ah, er, sexual fun of it, ya know fantasies etc. I then told her I had a thing for girls in boys underwear to which she paused, and said 'Okay'. We are now in 'how to use shampoo mode'. See above scene, apply, lather, rinse, repeat.

The rest has been the stuff that crossdressing dreams are make of!

As to the "Kids don't try this at home!" bit -- telling you SO on the phone is generally NOT recommended!

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Stefanie_Adams]

Well, I didn't tell mine she found my "stash", but that was almost 20 years ago. We have a I don't tell unless she asks.

But it would be so wonderful to have a GG's help in all of this even after all of these years.

[Aska]

It started two days ago with me mentioning role reversal, moved on to us shopping for stockings and boyshorts to me shaving my underarms and legs for the first time last night. She couldn't keep her hands off my legs but said it was strange because the feel like womens leggs. Today she just keeps calling me sexy in almost all of her text and she gave me tips on shaving and feeling sweaty withe the boyshorts and shaved legs. I think she is still in shock because I am never this spontanious about anything except the toy store and computer stuff but she is going with it and I am trying to make sure she stays comfortable.

[Veronica Lacey]

I disclosed my dressing to my then g/f inside of the first three months by literally walking outof her closet wearing one of her satin blouses, panthyhose and a skirt.

Trying to find the right word for her reaction.

Not digusted. Not shocked, really. Maybe like this? :eek:

That look that somebody had pulled the rug out from under her but not pulled it over her eyes, if that makes any sense at all. The look that I had shifted from her new man to her new man with a very peculiar but senstive side.

Yes, she was surprised but willing to cope with it. Thankfully she has always had a reasonably open mind :)

[jweanie1]

[QUOTE=AmiFL;1886682]I had four opportunities to share my crossdressing with people significant in my life. They all reacted very differently.

I agree with Lorileah, it sounds like your wife is using it as an act of control.....so unfair.

[laci april]

I've seen so many examples of cders suffering in marriages, denying their real selves. I gotta tell you, being the totally self absorbed cd, genderqueer I am: you deserve all the kudos for unselfish, stand-by-your-girl, suffering sainthood you bring to your 'relationships.' however, you must be litterally kicking holes in your sheets at night. How you can live with a woman who totally denies you expression of your inner self/soul defies my imagination. I suppose if preists deny sex, and people survive in prison, I can understand a cder in a hostile marriage. yeh, I know--the kids. The decisions we make in life! Reminds me of the old joke about finding a woman you don't like and buying her a house...

[VS Fan]

I was too nervous to remember clearly (and it was only two days ago), but there was some nervous laughter (from her)... then something like, "soooo... you actually wear a dress??" It was up and down from there, but in hindsight it is kind of humorous.

VS Fan

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Her initial response was "No way, your kidding right" "There's no way" not in a mean or negative tone. It was just more disbelief there was no way that this masculine man in front of her was actually a cross dresser.

[Veronica S]

Some disbelief at first, with some time going by before we discussed it again. But never a negative or demeaning word, and since then she has been completely supportive. You couldn't ask for better.

__________________________________________________

... .... . ... .-- --- -. -.. . .-. ..-. ..- .-.. ..--.

[Darylin]

Well it was a very strange awakening. We had taken a long weekend trip when we were dating and when she was getting dressed in the bathroom, I slipped on a bra under my sweater. I didn't say anything and when we were out in a club, she touched my back and kind of froze for a minute, then she just smiled, kissed me and said let's go back to our room. It was a great night and has been great ever since. I would say she is probably Bi-curious and now gets the best of both worlds, for now anyway. She's still looking to hook up with a girl, hopefully soon. We now go shopping together or my birthday or Christmas gifts are very interesting sometimes.

[Braceletlover]

I thought mine would panic - I was panicking just telling her. Instead, 30 years later she even buys me things. We share outfits occasionally!

[kathleensatin]

When I told my wife, she was shocked and told me that we would talk about it later. That later never came, but an occasional backhanded remark about what "pervert" I was did. About 5 years later, while going through a divorce, she wrote me a letter regarding what a lousy father, breadwinner, husband etc. I was. She also told me she went throught my "attic things" and that it sickened her and that I needed psychiatric help. She told two of her friends about how I would "dress up in women's underwear and get my jollies".

I will most certainly tell and woman about myself before going any farther in a relationship.

Kathleen

[Astera]

Thanks for all the stories. Some of them are quite inspiring. I hope my idea can inspire someone. My experience was about 5 years ago. I showed up in bed wearing some of my wife's lingerie, and when she reached over for me she felt it and said, "What is this?" I told her that I read lingerie can help rekindle a dying sex-life. She laughed and said that she thinks the author meant for the woman to wear it. I just played dumb and said, "Yeah, I guess that would work, too." But my wife so enjoyed it, I am allowed to keep my legs shaven and wear lingerie and stockings with her. She found a dress of mine, but thought that was weird, so I keep that part of my dressing hidden.

[Adelaide]

My wife got so pissed off you wouldn't believe. She burned my wig, got rid of my make-up, packed my clothes and brought them to the Salvation Army. She threatened me that she would divorce me if I get dressed again.

I had to re-purchase everything over again....she still doesn't know I CD again...as this is who I am...

Not an easy situation...

A.

[Rachel_Red]

Funny thing is it was my fiance that suggested it. Well in all reality she felt that I had a strong femside and after a few months playing around and bonding with it lead to CDing. I've never gone out but perhaps when all the bits fall into place I will.

[Mindymaycd]

During the dating phase of our relationship I introduced lingerie into the the bedroom during our intimate moments. That went O.K. for over ten years into the marriage. About a year ago I was stressed from work and I needed to dress and take it to a new level. I took my wife out and explained to her that it was much more than just the lingerie. I explained to her that I could not change it if I wanted and now have come to accept that this is part of who I am. I told her of famous people that were also CD's and told her I had no intentions of letting friends of Family know about it. I gave her all the information that I knew about the subject and informed her the best I could.

She said she understood and said she would do her best to understand and work with it. I started to purchase clothing, make up and wigs. I did things at a pace that I thought she would be o.k. with and asked her before taking each step further in fem. land.

So things are good and we have a good understanding, each week she is more supportive and understanding. I think the most important thing I communicated was that I I had to do this, it was not a choice. She understood this and did not try to change me just asked that I be with her. What a gal:)

[dawn-sussex]

She sort of went ooooohh! After a few days she pronounced that whatever I wanted to do might be ok if she was out but she wanted no involvement and didn't want to see me!:sad:

[Amanduhrob]

I met my wife at a Munch, so it wasn't surprising to her when I told her the first follow up conversation after the event.

[SweetHailey]

My fiance mostly just asked questions. Some I could answer, some I couldn't. She mostly just said (and still does) "I just don't understand." I told her that's fine, and normal and told her I would be open and honest and help her to understand in any way I could.
Once she was reassured that I wasn't leaving her she said, "Well I love you and you can obviously do whatever you want and don't need my permission, but just remember that if you do it, it's for you, and not me."
We're still getting married, so I think everything will be alright.

[sarah_tx]

When I first started dating my wife, I kept telling her, "I have issues, you probably won't like me for much longer." That kept up until things started getting more serious.

One afternoon I pointed her towards a box in the closet and said, "Well, we need to deal with that sooner or later, wanna get it over with?" I emptied the box on the bed and said, "Babe, I've got quite a taste for the frilly things." She said, "That's it? Oh thank god."

We went shopping the next day.

[Kiera79]

What did your wife or SO say when you told her that you are a cross dresser? Has your perception of what she said changed with time?

I told my wife about me on our second date. What did she say? "Wow! Do you have cool clothes?" It is no wonder that I love her so much.

That was four years ago. I have come to realize that she is warmly understanding and very supportive. She immediately accepted the dressing as part of who I am and kept right on developing our relationship with that as an added dimension.

What did your wife or SO say? I am not asking how has your relationship developed; just what was her initial reaction?

Mine SO was shocked and laughed about it. I am in a relationship where I do the cooking (sometimes), cleaning and taking care of my two boys. So why not dress in front of her. She pays no attention to it now as she knows it's part of me. She gives me advice and everything.

[lavistaa62]

After considering all the advice and experience of those here I told my wife. Her reaction was shock- not to the announcement but that I was making it. She's very intelligent and perceptive so I'd assumed she'd figured it out already but she insisted she had no idea whatsoever. All the better, in my view, to disclose myself to her before suspicion set in or worse yet inadvertent discovery had occurred. She really appreciated the trust I'd placed in her. The announcement and subsequent demonstration seemed way more nerve racking for me than her. Other than shaving and remaining trim, I've never done makeup or really made in effort at feminization so I was really scared about her reaction to my appearance. So one day down and we'll see how it goes from here.

[KayC]

Honesty is the best policy IMHO, good luck as you both work this out together!

[Brianna in Hose]

I used this past Halloween to tell my fiance'. I surprised her Halloween night when she came home and I was completely dressed. She was completely caught off guard and was kind of disturbed by it. When went out and when we got home we didn't say to much, I just got undressed and then we went to bed. Then Sunday afternoon we started talking about the night before about the way I was dressed and she said that I seemed to enjoy myself and the 4" heels I wore. I asked her what was the big deal about guys who wanted to wear woman's clothes. What got me was she said that she would be more understanding of me dressing like that for Halloween if I wasn't her fiance'. She made another comment and I asked what she would do if she found out that her fiance' or husband was a crossdresser. She said I would just depend. So I asked her what if I was a crossdresser. She told me that she loved me and that wouldn't change. So I proceed to tell her everything. Her answer was that after the initial conversation she didn't want to hear about it and didn't want to see it. And didn't EVER want our future kids to find out.

The end result was that she wants me to see if I can quit by the time that we get married. She wants me to try go a month to without crossdressing to start. She also told me that I can wear pantyhose because she doesn't consider wearing hose crossdressing. I wrote her a note trying to explain what I couldn't tell her and listed a website that I wanted her to visit to try to understand me better. I hope that doesn't come back to bite me.

[JulieC]

The end result was that she wants me to see if I can quit by the time that we get married. She wants me to try go a month to without crossdressing to start. She also told me that I can wear pantyhose because she doesn't consider wearing hose crossdressing. I wrote her a note trying to explain what I couldn't tell her and listed a website that I wanted her to visit to try to understand me better. I hope that doesn't come back to bite me.

DANGER DANGER Brianna!

You can't quit, as I'm sure you know. Your fiance is asking you to actively repress part of you. This isn't going to work, not the way she wants it to work.

Come to some other agreement. She doesn't accept crossdressing, fine. She doesn't want to see it or hear about it, fine. But, don't expect you to stop crossdressing. Keep your stuff, and dress when you can and she is not around.

Find some other way than you quitting, because you quitting isn't going to work.

Major, major kudos to you for telling her BEFORE you got married. You have saved yourself and her a ton of grief. It might cause the end of your engagement, but better that than a divorce.

[lavistaa62]

Placing conditions on acceptance would more scary to me than absolute rejection. Maybe it's just the black and white guy mode of thinking but if my SO had been conditional I would have wondered what would have happened in the future when something else objectionable to person cropped up and what level of control I could accept before forfeiting the relationship. Tough calls.

[KayC]

I'm sorry, her initial response wasn't what you'd hoped for, but then again, it's not what she was expecting from you either. It will take her some time to get used to all of this. Be careful if you direct her to this site that you steer her to the loved ones section and have her apply to the FAB section asap...help her know how to get her ten posts in and apply. (When I first came to this site, some of it scared me.) Once she gets to the FAB section, that will help a lot, as there are other GGs like herself who've been there that she can relate to, we can help her with questions. Maybe instead of trying to make an agreement with her at this time, it'd be better to focus on answering questions/educating her about it. She needs time for this to sink in. She also needs to know what this is about, and that you didn't ask for it or choose it, but it is who you are and it's not something you can just give up. My heart goes out to you, hang in there and try not to be too discouraged. At least you were honest with her, does she understand how hard that was for you?

[AKAMichelle]

She asked all of the usual questions, but do you want a sex change the most. Initially is was bad, but it continued to spiral downward. Now there is almost no communication in the marriage because we don't talk about the white elephant in the room.

[Joni T]

Before we got married I told her and her response was "Let me see". In 2 weeks we will celebrate anniversary number 23.
Joni

[jenifer wilde]

my girlfreind at the time, thought it was cool but it went completly downhill from then. now i can't date without telling them somewhat upfront

[Chloe Renee]

When I told my SO it did not go well, in fact I thought we were over. I did everything wrong; liquid courage, been in a relationship, right after after halloween, as entering a night of passion.
After some time she would at least talk to me. Then a few weeks later she brought it up. Since then things grew and changed. After nearly 8 years my clothes are in the open/well not hidden.

Tonight in fact she gave me a couple bras. I am thankful things changed over time.

[Melissa Davis]

When I told my wife, she freaked out. 3 days later she did research on it and calmed down. She seemed ok with it, but she was never a real fan. Now she's divorcing me and claims it's the CDing. But I know it's not. When her relationships get stale, she looks for other avenues instead of taking care of things at home.

We were together 5 years before I told her.

Now that I'm single, I plan on telling a girl about my dressing before I get into a serious relationship. I definitely know who I am. Either she will be onboard or she won't. I could be single for a while... I want to be adored, not put up with.

[lee in a skirt]

When I first old her i literally broke down i was that scared. She basicly said ok. I never said anything more about it for a while and then she told me aslong as she doesnt know its ok. Then she told me its her or the clothes and i choose her and threw all my clothes away. after a few months i somehow managed to alter her perception and she eventually said ok well give it a go. i bought some new clothes that she picked out and since then i have a big collection of clothes as she loves it now. It has brought us so closer in everyway that she knows me more than i know myself/

[leia]

I have always told the person I dated on the first or second date. I have been married twice and lived with a few women, Us breaking up never had any thing to do with the dressing. It would of been hard to hide because I have wore girls jeans and shorts along with panties since the first day back from Nam in 1973. I started dressing when I was 5 and when I dated in high school I would tell them. I just figured I was weird and one of a kind. My mom was an American Indian and always told me I was gifted with 2 spirits. my nieces and sister know and we go shopping and partying together. And they know I am bi so they are always trying to fix me up lol!

[Desiree2bababe]

My wife, girlfriend at the time, said I dressed like an old lady. Don't know why, I had a pink see thru chiffon dress on that I thought was very sexy and so did a few male friends of mine. Anyway, next time she saw me, I dressed a bit younger just the same, angora sweater, tight leather mini and she called me a w........

Go figure. She's only been nice a few times and in fact became quite jealous of my closet. She never would go shopping with me even though I offered to pay for everything.

Other things she asked, were "Do you like men? Do you go out?" Both of which I answered Yes in a round about way. In the end, she remarked not long before we were married, "Well, you could be worse things."

[PortiaHoney]

When I told my wife, she freaked out. 3 days later she did research on it and calmed down. She seemed ok with it, but she was never a real fan. Now she's divorcing me and claims it's the CDing. But I know it's not. When her relationships get stale, she looks for other avenues instead of taking care of things at home.

We were together 5 years before I told her.

Now that I'm single, I plan on telling a girl about my dressing before I get into a serious relationship. I definitely know who I am. Either she will be onboard or she won't. I could be single for a while... I want to be adored, not put up with.

Honesty and openness can only lead to you finding the "one". I do so agree with the adored/put up tih comparison.

You go girl!

[AmberLynn]

Mine said "I married a man,followed by are you sure your not gay" then after about 3 hour's of talking and explaining my life and time's as a cd she said let's try it and see what happen's. we are going to be starting a in the house 24/7 cd free for 4 months while i perfect my style and female voice training. then were going to try outing's out of town shopping

[Joanne108]

What did your wife or SO say when you told her that you are a cross dresser? Has your perception of what she said changed with time?

I told my wife about me on our second date. What did she say? "Wow! Do you have cool clothes?" It is no wonder that I love her so much.

That was four years ago. I have come to realize that she is warmly understanding and very supportive. She immediately accepted the dressing as part of who I am and kept right on developing our relationship with that as an added dimension.

What did your wife or SO say? I am not asking how has your relationship developed; just what was her initial reaction?

Well I told my wife before we were married. She was fine with it to the extent that she never wanted to see me fully dressed. However she came home early from work one day and found me dolled up. Then we had a talk or two. She is OK with it now, she knows more about my crossdressing.

[Danielle Gee]

I actually forget how I told her..or what she said....she was cool with it that's all I remember....But I'll tell ya what she said last week that was pretty cool........She looked at me sternly and said " I'm gonna stop helping you buy clothes and makeup if you don't start dressing more".....Man oh man, is that being a "Bitch" or what? ....LOL :hugs:

[charlie]

My wife hates the fact that I dress. She tells me that it is not normal, a freakish thing and that she wants me to stop. Nothing but acceptance there!

[JulieC]

I want to be adored, not put up with.

Someone else quoted this in another thread. Best quote winner!


She looked at me sternly and said " I'm gonna stop helping you buy clothes and makeup if you don't start dressing more".....Man oh man, is that being a "Bitch" or what? ....LOL :hugs:

Submit to your master!


My wife hates the fact that I dress. She tells me that it is not normal, a freakish thing and that she wants me to stop. Nothing but acceptance there!

And don't submit to this! On the plus side, at least she knows.