Wrong Idea Detachment

[Koka]

Hi Girls!

Lately, I've been having trouble trying to detach from the erroneous concept or idea of "crossdressing is wrong". It really bothers me a lot, and it really does, in spite of being one of those supposedly lucky girl whose SO is cool about it. It seems that everytime the desire to dress comes back, the thought of wrong doing won't let me enjoy the moment. I really feel frustrated and upset with myself. I mean, I have all the time of the world to be a girl, ( I work from home), I have a wonderful accepting SO, what else I girl could ask for; however, this stupid idea is always ruining it. Would that be that I still need to accept myself as the girl I am in a 100%?. Would it be that I don't trust myself because I am not confident that I would pass. Can you please advise?

I have come out a couple of times dressed but those outings were very brief, but now I am willing to go out to any club for a night as Koka. I live in NY but I don't really know any one or any place I could go. I think, going out with other girls would finally help to accept the woman in me. Can you please help me in this regard? Any clubs you recommend? Any girls from NY willing to give me the courage to go out at night?

Thank you all!

KK :o

[Kate Simmons]

Just change your approach and outlook Koka. Think of yourself as a person rather than as a "this" or"that". The energies will flow a lot smoother. Believe it my friend.:)

[tricia_uktv]

I don't understand. You look lovely. What are you doing wrong?

[CharlotteW]

Koka, if you were into amateur dramatics and had to play the part of a woman (perhaps Widow Twankey in the pantomime Aladdin), would you have a problem with crossdressing for the part?

Regards

[Teri Jean]

Koka, just be yourself and have fun. This is not about being a woman but dressing as one, besides from your picture you are a very attractive girl already. Maybe talk with your SO and the two can come up with a solution that works for you both. Such as gender swapping for a day or evening. Have fun.

Teri

[DonnaT]

You need to get to the root cause of why you feel it is wrong.

Something you've been told from an early age? Something you learned as you got older? Religious views?

[Karren H]

Crossdressing is wrong?? I must have been left off the distribution list on that email!!

[sterling12]

Your instincts are very good. Join a TG Social Group. Once you hang around other Gurls, you realize that your not alone, your doing lots of things, and you simply don't have time to feel guilty.

Ideally, you can find a group that also welcomes your S.O. This will also help, as being around other spouses/partners will also make the YOU feel less guilty about her involvement.

Your going to be fine, your going to drop all this guilt stuff. Start tomorrow, if you need a contact with a group, PM me. I might just be able to get you in touch with someone.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Nicole Brown]

Hi Koka,

Your profile indicates that you live in New York which is one of the most diverse cities you can find. I don't know if you live in NYC or some other location, but there is absolutely no reason not to fully enjoy who you are, and from your pictures you are a very attractive lady.

Going out the first few times can be a challenging experience that we all go through. But once you get out, you usually don't want to stay in. Crossdressing is a part of all of the girls on this forum and you and I are no exceptions. We can deny our feelings and try to hide them, but the desire to crossdress will most likely always be there so you might as well learn to accept it and enjoy it.

Passing isn't really as important as you might think. Many of the girls don't pass and this doesn't stop them from feeling good about themselves and going out. Most people are too involved with themselves and their lives and problems to even notice you or how you are dressed. Those ho aren't hung up on their problems are usually polite enough not to say anything if they do read you.

If you live in or near NYC you have one of the most fun cities in the world to enjoy. I travel into NYC every month or two and always have a fantastic time. Just be aware of where you go and avoid the known troublesome areas.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with our shared love to dress as we like. It sets us apart and makes us all the better. Feel good about yourself and learn to love yourself.

Nicole

[Koka]

Thank you very much all for your support and advise. Undoubtedly, our minds play a big role in determining our faith and desires. I do realize and understand that in order to get rid of of my "demons", I need to change my perspective about my crossdressing and enjoy freely it as some of you said.

Again, thank you !!!

:love:

KK
New York City

[Paula Siemen]

You ROCK Girl....You look Soooooo Good! Just go for it and relax. put your mind in your feminine side and enjoy you feminity. The scarriness of getting out is probably what is making you feel your doing something wrong. There is nothing wrong with crossdressing...anymore than peircings, tatoos or spikey hair.....its just diffent and don't we all need to be a little different. But wh're trying to blend in...not stand out. So don't let those feelings bumm you out. Get out, be GIRLY and enjoy your feminity. Its really wonderful..trust me.

Paula

[LisaM]

Koka,

You just need to get beyond the excitement stage. Find a support group in NY (I don't know if you are from NYC) and get out as Koka. The more time in the real world and the less time you have to worry about the 'excitement'.

[Catherine in Colo]

Hi Koka,

You've gotten some great responses already, but let me throw my 2 cents in as well...

I said as much iin a reply to another recent post, but so many of us are brought up with the default notion that crossdressing is wrong. For me, I lived a long time with this perceived notion of the "ideal" man, meaning what I expected myself to be. Obviously, this didn't include wanting to dress as or be a woman, so you can imagine how much pain that caused!

Once I stopped placing expectations upon myself to be not only someone who I could never be, but in reality doesn't even exist, I was able to stop judging myself against this idealized version of who I thought I was supposed to be, and just started enjoying being who I was!

Of course that doesn't do anything about the frustration we might feel at not being able to see in the mirror the woman we want to see, but it's a step in the right direction!

Hope that helped!

[JennaByNight]

Hi Koka,

I feel for you, so I can say this: what you're feeling is the result of patterns of expectations about what it means to "be a man" that have been built in you since you were born. We begin to internalize these structures even before we have language, and so they are beyond the reach of reason and logic. This gives us - all of us who, through choice or lack of choice -find that we need to exit the bounds of those societal "norms", a chance to perceive the existence of those unconscious structures. It actually can give us a tremendous advantage at liberating ourselves from unconsciousness in a variety of areas of our lives, not just the CD parts of our lives.

The key is to offer no resistance to your feelings that it is "wrong", but to accept that you have those feelings and simply exist in the moment with them. It might seem counterintuitive at first, but part of what keeps those feelings active is your resistance to them. Acceptance of your feelings about things is actually the first step to full acceptance of yourself in all your manifestations.

We are up against centuries of cultural taboos around gender; we are advance scouts for the human race! At one time in human history, people had to keep gender roles rigidly controlled, because survival as a species depended on it. That is no longer the case, but our collective consciousness is very slow to accept change. All humans have two halves, and while those halves are neither male nor female, altering our physical gender appearance and manifestations can serve as a gateway to allowing powerful but dormant, and equally valid, aspects of our total being come forward to develop. Ultimately it makes us more balanced beings, and helps to balance the overall energy of our entire species.

Your feelings are a gateway, literally, to your enlightenment, if you approach them with the martial arts philosophy of offering no resistance to their force; yield to overcome.

The fact that you have come as far as you have suggests that you have more strength and courage than the majority of men who conform to the male identity myth, and have not the strength to explore. You're also closer by far to reaching full consciousness than the average man or woman. Breathe, and know, everything is as it should be for you in this regard.

Jenna