The Modern Woman ............ for GG's and TS Identifing as Female only to answer

[Sheila]

there are several threads running/have been run as how we are viewed traditionally, so time for the modern lady to have her say, time for our voices to be heard and counted :)

As a "modern woman" I found myself doing all the traditional female roles of looking after the family, from shopping, all the household duties including the dreaded ironing, but thanks to the feminist movement I was also able to follow a career, or several careers throughout my life so far.

I trained as a nurse, have worked in the care industry while raising my kids, then as they became less dependent, I found my work days to be far more flexible, and so began a part time job with a local merchant, which culminated 7 years later in me running a business with an annual turnover in excess of £750,000 .......... from serving customers, to doing all the office work, including monthly, 3 monthly half yearly and yearly accounts, doing the VAT returns on a monthly basis, & helping out in the repair of the vehicles we needed for the business ............. okay I started out as hired help and ended up the partner of the owner .......... bad move on my part:sad: but that is another story.

Since then I worked part time for a national wine merchant, eventually ending up as an assistant manager and for 3 months running two of their
shops full time ...........

left there to work for another national company part time 20 hrs, again ended up doing 30 hrs on contract, then overtime on that

In all these jobs I was also sole domestic engineer, for the majority of those jobs I was also a partner, for all the time I was mum of 3 kids and all the taxing , ferrying, parenting, loving that was required.

Traditional woman ..................in comparison they had it damned easy trust me ............. and yes I do lknow, my parents were in farming, my aunts and uncles were in farming so I know how hard these women worked and the hours they did and the conditions they worked in and under & I still say they had it easier ............. Womans Lib may have brought about great advantages for us as women, but they also brought about greater expectations for us, they forgot while liberating us to also liberate mens thinking to encompass the changes and their ability to step up to the plate and "share" with equality the new domestic needs within the family .......... we were "allowed" to work but by golly, not at the expense of home going to rack and ruin ............. there may be more males "helping" out in the home these days, but you guys still have a long way to go in general to have true eqaulity in the domestic dept ................ and before anybody says anything many women do the garden, can repair vehicles and play sport

okay GG's and TS Fems what's your stories, and do you think we modern women have it easier or harder than our predecessors?

[Teri Jean]

Shelia,
First off my hat goes off to you ladies as the job of domestic is a daunting task with few rewards as such. Before my wife passed we had a discussion as she felt she wasn't contributing enough to the house hold economy. As we talked I did a numbers crunch as to what it would cost just to have someone in to clean, do the laundry, fix meals and dishes during an eight hour day and she was amazed at the cost at minimum wages. Then I said she did a lot of the minor repairs as well as yard work, such as mowing the grass etc.

Don't get the idea that I did not help but the matter of all she did was not seen by her as contibuting and in fact I could not support her if I paid her to do it. Women in general have made vast changes in their work and some of the domestic is being picked up by their spouses. So although the work is different today from years ago the dedication of women to family and the economy has really not changed as far as time goes. JMO

Teri

[KayC]

I think in the majority of situations, the woman does more work at home than the man does...hers is on an everyday basis while his in more in spurts...but I hate to even say that because as in most situations, there's always exceptions. My SO worked long hours in his business, plus did the cooking and cleaning at home, getting kids off to school, ferrying them around, etc. He also decorated the house for holidays and did laundry. But I think he's more the exception than the rule. I think when we women entered the workforce, there was usually a man at home saying "that's fine, just don't forget to have dinner on the table at 5:00" ...of course that wasn't possible as we didn't get off until 5:00! The moment I'd get home I'd have to head straight for the kitchen and cook while answering kids' questions, answering the phone, keeping an eye on the dog, and planning my grocery list and budget in my head. I paid the bills, did laundry, cleaned the house, got the groceries, did volunteer work, all while working and was expected to be knock-over appreciative if my husband mowed the lawn! I guess the incongruity was that what I did was a given, but what he did was a "favor" to me. Oh and, when I finally got the kids in bed, the dishes done, the house picked up and collapsed into bed at night I was supposed to turn into sexy mama! Of course we're no longer married...
I rest my case!

[Stitch]

I can't speak for myself really, as I am still young and don't have a family of my own but I do have someone very close who does.

My mother.

My Mother works amazingly hard, so hard I'm surprised she is still going. She is the breadwinner of the family so to speak, and also the to go to person of all ills and wrongs in the extended family. She also does the majority of the cooking and cleaning. I try my best to help her, but I can see her gradually burning out. :sad: She puts up with and gives with so much and gets so little in return. There are days where she literately doesn't sit down till 7 PM and even then she has to do paper work some days.

I don't know any men who work as much as my Mother. My father does work hard, but the first thing he does when he gets home is pour himself a drink and sit down in front of the TV. Its very unbalanced.

She'd love to stay home and cook and raise more children, but its just not possible for her in this day and age.

I definitely think that the modern women has it that much harder.

[MJ]

As a "modern woman" myself i find that i work way harder my part time job all the cooking cleaning the never ending stream of dishes making sure the bills are paid finding time for me.
this is hard work up to 16 hours a day taking care of two teenagers this is not easy.

the days are long gone from coming home parking my ass in the chair and asking whats for dinner Hun. now i'm the mother wherever did easy street go.

[Sandra]

As a modern woman I have a part time job and do most of the domestic jobs around the house, I also do the gardening, decorating and some diy. I'll behonest the house work is harder than the job I do .

Previously I have worked mostly part time, done the domestic things, been a mum and also a full time carer on call 24/7) to my mum for 10 years until she passed away. My working day didn't stop until I went to bed and then sometimes I was woken up by a phone call from mum.

Is it harder yes I think some do have it harder, some certainly seem to be on the go more hours of the day.

For me maybe not now but as I said above about being carere for my mum then yes I did have it harder.

[Nigella]

IMHO modern woman has a much harder job than their predecessors. Once upon a time the womans place was in the home. Everything she did revolved around taking care of the "man of the house" and family.

Most modern women do the same as their predecessors and hold down at minimum a part time job, mainly to keep up a standard of living that the "man of the house" cannot maintain alone. This is often because both want to have it better than when they were growing up.

[Karen564]

okay GG's and TS Fems what's your stories, and do you think we modern women have it easier or harder than our predecessors?

Wow, that can be a tougher question than it seems, and think it depends on many things..
I do personally know some woman today that have good careers and are the sole bread winners in the family that come home to a home cooked meal & clean house done by hubby that stays home all day, it may seem like total role reversals, but that's the way it should be if that's the case, so for them, I think they have it easier...

On the other hand, I have known other woman that are also the major bread winners, but also does all the domestic duties on top of it after she gets home from work, although hubby is also working to contribute to cookie jar..he helps, but she does way more..but she also prefers it that way, some men just cant or refuse to learn do things the way it should be done.. regardless, she has it harder..

My Story (short version)
When I was married, I was always the bread winner, working & running my business plus doing the bookkeeping & paying the monthly bills and also did most of the domestic duties around the house too, which included all the grocery shopping, cooking meals, all the cleaning (except laundry), decorating, taking care of my girls before & after they got home from school, breakfast, doing their hair, helping with their homework, etc..I also did all the outside chores, mowing 2 acres of lawn, gardening, cut & splitting 8 cords of wood for the winter, snow removal, and fixing our cars & trucks, and pretty sure I left out many other things too..
Back then I was lucky to get 3 hrs of sleep a day, so to say the least, I was very tired by the end of every day...LOL

She worked part time, did the laundry, picked up the girls after school and also helped with the girls, she was & is a good Mom, but was also addicted to her computer games Way too much....uggg....I used to pull my hair out at times..
After we separated, she moved out, & I had the girls for 2+ years, but it wasn't much harder except adding washing all the laundry too my list too..

After we divorced, I sold the house and the girls now stay with her so they could stay in the same town schools, we have joint custody, so now I just take care of them in the evening because she now works nights..& since the girls are old enough now as teenagers to pick up after themselves..I only need to pick up after myself..
So my workload has decreased a lot!!!..thank God..


To use as a reference to what is hard or not..
I'd say if anyone had it really rough, it was during my grandmothers time (early 1900's), they constantly worked from the time they got up to the time they got to bed, there were no such thing as quick & easy meals, they made everything from scratch, they took care of all the household duties, inside & out, washed clothes by hand..!!! all while they pampered their husbands every need & took care of the kids..it was much different back then & Very hard work..

During the 50's, I think many woman, but not all, had it a little easier due to the modernisation of packaged foods & appliances available to them..but still was a FT job taking care of the home even if they didn't need to have an job outside the home, but times were less complicated back then..

So to sum it up, I think any woman that has a full time career, has young children And does most if not all the domestic duties besides has it hard today..
It's not easy to do it all, and I can say that comming from my own personal experience from doing it all alone as a single parent..

But I do see more & more husbands & wives helping each other out much more than they ever used to because of what it takes for most families to survive these days..

[DemonicDaughter]

Right now I'm in the first relationship in which I am not the primary breadwinner. I have always had a very unconventional occupation in which I'm usually the minority (female). Because I have also always had unusual hours, I could work anywhere for 40 to 70 hrs in any work week.

In that, I take care of myself. Which means, that if I make the mess, I clean it. I cook for myself. If my partner was home at the time, I cooked for them as well but rarely has a partner cooked for me, cleaned up after me or were considered the "homemaker".

I'm a grown adult and believe in taking care of myself without having to have another person do so.

I also can fix my own cars as well as do repairs/remodeling about my home. I don't do either of those because its unconventional but because they are necessary. That's life. And these delusions that traditional roles still apply now a days, only drives modern women elsewhere to look for partners. We need equal partners, not someone who's going to look to us to do everything whether or not we work.

[ReineD]

During my 20s before I had my kids, I put in way more hours at work than my ex. I was an accountant trying to work my way up the ladder and in those days in order to compete a woman had to prove herself way beyond her abilities, through sheer dedication to her job. When I got home most nights after 7 PM (leaving the house at 6:45 AM), I would cook dinner. Not that my ex saw it as my responsibility ... it's just that I was more interested than he was in putting together a good meal. We both cleaned up the dishes. On weekends, he usually did the yardwork while I did the housework. The division of labor was pretty equal. I was a busy, career-oriented person but still my lunch hours were my own. If I wanted to take 30 minutes to shop for a pair of shoes, I could.



Traditional woman ..................in comparison they had it damned easy trust me .............


I disagree with you there Sheila. :) My oldest child was born when I was 29 and I stayed home to care for him. It wasn't easier ... I traded in one type of stress for another. It was a pleasure having the opportunity to be home with him, but I lost my financial independence which was very difficult for me. I did not want him raised by baby sitters and our nearest family was 1,000 miles away. Staying home with a child does not engage the brain in the same way a job does, nor are there the same kinds of deadlines to meet, nor office politics or other pressures to deal with. But you are on call all the time and you have different deadlines when attending to your children's immediate needs.

I'm not talking about single moms here who need to put in a 60 hour week and still care for the kids, house, and yard. This is hard, as it is for the single dads in similar circumstances. But in two-parent families, staying home all day with the kids is no easier than working and having someone else care for them.

For me, staying at home was emotionally more difficult than being out on a daily basis dealing intelligently with adults and feeling a sense of self-validation for my successes. I was in a world where watching Sesame Street was my biggest intellectual stimulation. Many days were damn lonely. And when I was sick with a temperature, I couldn't just call in sick and stay in bed. There was also no time for myself (OK I could take 10 minutes to do my nails but something always happened before they could dry), nor could I wear anything that wasn't wash & wear, what with spit-up and sticky fingers. My point is that spending year after year with little ones, rarely being able to carve out a one or two hour block of time for myself adds a hidden stress that few people who've spent years at home raising kids realize. And kids don't walk around giving you kudos for being a good mom :) so it is true when people say that devoting your life to other people is a thankless job.

I'm not complaining, mind you, but it always irked me when I heard my career friends say they thought I had it easier than they did. :sad: My friends used to tell me to read or engage in a hobby ... not so easy to do with little ones needing mom every few minutes. I've done both, stayed home and had a career and IMO having a career was much easier! After my first son was born I did work part-time for awhile ... until I came home one day to see the sitter slap him as I walked in the door. Being away from the baby a few hours a day provided me with the much needed adult time I loved. But, it took me a long time before I could trust someone enough to leave my child with.


... finding time for me.
this is hard work up to 16 hours a day taking care of two teenagers this is not easy.

Yup, I relate. Teenagers can at least tie their own shoes and pour their own cereal, but the time requirements are huge! I remember weeks of basketball tournaments, where the driving and attending games alone easily took up 20 hours in a week.

I would not have traded being there for them for anything else in the world, but in the end it took a lot for me to get a sense of who I was again after they were all gone.

The ideal IMO is to live close to family who are willing to care for the kids while the mom can have flexible hours, work part-time, and feel that her kids are well cared for while she is away from home. And moms who do choose the career over the kids .. the professionals, the high powered execs etc, are not in jobs where they can drop everything when their kids are sick nor can they pick up the kids after school and be with them. These women feel a different kind of stress. They feel guilty for not spending enough time with the kids and this isn't easy either.

[mylitta]

Now my children are grown and I work part time, I look back and wonder how I did it when they were younger. Full time job, so having to get the show on the road every morning- school books, clothes, gym kit, etc etc, off to work as a teacher of deaf children, pick children up from minders, home for meal (always 'proper' food) out to Brownies, guides, swimming lessons or whatever, or friends over to play, children in bed, tidy up. then around 9pm sit down- no not to relax but to do preparation and marking ready for the next day.

I had no family near by and my ex often worked away, so there was the constant worry about what to do if they were ill. Saturdays I looked after my disabled father, and more activities for the children, Sunday washing etc and getting ready for the next week. I did all my own gardening and decorating too, and restored old furniture for the house, as we couldn't afford new.

The good thing was, at least I had school holidays off to catch up and be with the children.

And people used ask me if I had any hobbies!

Looking back, it's no wonder I was always getting colds and sore throats- must have had no resistance left at all.