Met with hot air my first time out day time

[Aleca]

Well, I gave myself a bit of a rush this morning by going out to a local park nearby for the first time. Of course I was nervous, I expected to be and looked awful but it was more about just getting out and to me that was a pat on the back. Could I deal with guilt later? Perhaps - but that for me is a part of my growth I suppose. Things I overlooked were - being parked across the street from my wife's boss's house, an elementary school a block away and kids were trekking to school on the edge of the park and it is hot-air balloon week here in Albuquerque, New Mexico as a balloon began to land, traffic began to arrive. 5 people when I arrived, about 50 when I left.
Oh well.....much to work on but I think I will grow more if I have a bad day out opposed to a good day in the closet.
Link below is the video of me out I just posted on You Tube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXLznUM_uoo&feature=autofb

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Good for you, girl.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Vieja]

Hi Aleca, I wish I had to guts to go out but I am so deep in the closet I can't even see the door.

Vieja

[Aleca]

Same here Vieja, so don't worry about being deep in the closet. I was plenty nervous and might even hear about it later and might feel too embarrassed to dress for a whole month but it was something that had to be done. Call it "seizing a moment." Work on dealing with personal fear and anxiety issues - it helps a lot more than any CD support.

[Christina Horton]

Hay girl saw your U-tube hun . Good for you I would not have the guts to go out with out all my makeup done. You rock. Do you know how much courage and bravery it takes to just go out fully dressed let alone not looking your best. I think you could look great and sexy. What you should look into is find a M.A.C. makeup store and see if they have private makeup rooms, like I did and do a two day jaunt. I went to one in a mall, My first day was just a makeover the next day was a lesson and that helped me to do my own makeup (with one practice session and home where I did not go out) . Just make sure you ask them
1) do they have a private room.
2) do they have someone whom can do a good makeover on a man and do a good cover up on a beard.
3) make sure you have every thing you need to walk out of there fully dressed. Like breast forms. A good forum can make you more confident.

Tell them you might not walk out of the room when dressed cuz you might not feel ready. Don't make that choice until your full dressed . then when the Makeup girl/boy comes back in ask them for a brutally honest opinion of how you look.

If you don't pass so what if you like it then that's all that matters. I don't fully pass and I don't care....but that's me. Then when your done go to a hair saloon and get you hair done and then your nails (make sure you have two days to do this so you can keep you nails painted. Give yourself a good full day to (get your girl on) .

If you want to see or be inspired you could read my first time out. And see what I did. I did everything , save for the hair saloon , As I have said you could do. I will give you the link to read my first time out story.
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=91079

That might give you the goose you need to really go out and be the girl you want/need to be. We all have our own pace to go at, me it was 0 to 10,000 miles per hour. Some go slower some go faster and you need to find you pace and go for it. But if you let fear get to ya you will never move beyond it. Pushing yourself if the only way to grow. Just image if the first creature was to scared to crawl out of the see, LOL we'd all be very wet today. Of course some of the girls here would love to be wet all the time. So go at your own pace but just remember you only grow when it is the hardest thing to do,and when it's the most scariest. Good luck and have fun hun!

[Sally2005]

Cool! Congratulations! It takes a lot of will power to step outside in daylight.

Watched your video, but couldn't hear what you were saying. Why did you cover your face at the end?... this is the part to work on, you don't have to look good (but some makeup can help your confidence) and you should feel no shame or fear about CDing (be cautious however...especially near kids because some people have the wrong idea, and its hard for a parent to explain a 'man in a dress'.) Instead of hiding, just act natural and smile... the hiding part will attract people's attention and only inforces some other people's incorrect views that you are doing something wrong. Be calm and calculated. It is a good idea to have a goal in mind that is not CDing related to help you blend vs. just being out dressed.

[Christina Horton]

:iagree::yt:What she said is right on and Sally2005 your avater looks great too.

[Rebecca Jayne]

A little exhilaration is good for the soul.
Maybe nest time you'll get to go for a ride in the balloon.

That's quite the balloon fest isn't it?

[JustChelsea]

you look terrified xD

remember that the world isnt out to get you... so be yoursel! and dont be ashamed of who you are or who you wanna be.

[sherri52]

Hi Aleca: You made it out, that's what counts. I hope your next venture is a happier one.

[Aleca]

Thanks for your replies. Christina, Sally, Rebecca, Joni, Sherri, Chelsea

I knew I would be terrified and told myself that would be o.k.,feeling terrified is expected but this is the path to overcoming fear and anxiety and need to get out there. I have a diagnosed "panic disorder" going back 23 years so know I have to work on that paranoia - but work on it, get back in the ring and get out there again. Don't want to let myself down.
I did get concerned when all those little kids came by - well you see me freak out and try to hide myself. It is true that should arouse suspicion - as a security guard I should know that!
Definitely wear a little more makeup next time-I've looked a lot better in the closet but felt like so much more was accomplished this morning. I realize that I attracted attention to myself but not because I was dressed, rather because of all the camcorder, camera equipment with me. I worked in the media in the past so should have known that. Next time out there will go with just a small camera and a book to read.

[NV Susan]

Hi Aleca.
Going out dressed for the first time in daylight in a public park really took guts!!! I still remember my first time out, I was a nervous wreck and it was after dark. Still you did it and now don't give up, each time it gets easer and defiantly much more fun.
I've been going out many years and I still have times when I'm reluctant to get out of the car but somehow I always do and afterwards am so very happy I did because I always end up having a good time.

Best of luck to you, Susan

[Fab Karen]

Good for you pushing yourself out the door. And most people their first time wouldn't post a video of it on youtube. Just think more about when & where you'll be- having a video camera near where children are someone could leap to assumptions of the wrong kind.