That knowing smirk

[sandra-leigh]

Mostly as I go around town gender-bending (e.g., "a guy in a skirt"), I see strangers... maybe they've seen me around before, but they don't know me at all and mostly they don't care and promptly forget me. There is, of course, the exception of the sales agents at the stores I go to, especially the ones I go to more often -- though some of the ones I go to seldom can name off exactly what I bought the last time I was there (say) 8 months before.

In particular, when I go around gender-bending in public, I very seldom see anyone who knows anything about me, such as my full name, or where I live, or where I work, etc..

However, though one of those statistical oddities, there is one fellow I encounter into every couple of months who does know me from guy mode. He was a security guard for a time where I work, and, uh, his supervisors were told he need not be assigned shifts at our building; the word I got from my contacts is that he was a pathological liar. Certainly some of the things I myself heard him say were rather implausible (though not completely impossible.)

But this one guy... I meet him on the bus from time to time. So he's seen me as "a guy in a skirt" more often than anyone except my social club. And every time he sees me, whether I'm gender-bending or not, he puts on this knowing smirk. It's a put-down without saying a word... and it distinctly conveys an aspect of of "I may only be a security guard, but look how far below me the mighty have fallen!"


Well, I suppose if I'm going to Be Out (go public and open with my dressing), I will need to develop a "thicker skin". I guess I'll know I'm "There" when a smirk from he and his like cease to bother me.

[Kathi Lake]

I say let 'em smirk! If I have provided entertainment and happiness to one more person in this sometimes sucky world, then everybody wins.

Kathi

[jenniesweaters]

I agree; who cares what he thinks. It's awesome that you are able to go out and enjoy yourself.

Jen

[Rebecca Jayne]

Sandra

A smirk from "a pathological liar" is actually an inside out smile.

He sure doesn't have your character or class.
Next time blow him a little kiss!

[sherri52]

He's probably wishing that he himself was as brave as you.

[sissystephanie]

I totally agree with the other responses! Do you really care what he thinks? I genderbend (guy in a skirt) almost every day. Occasionally I get a smirk from someone, but I just smile and walk away. On the other hand I go to a Panera Bread company restaurant several times a week for lunch, always dressed. Almost all the people who work there know me by my real name. I was in there today wearing a denim jumper dress and red tee! Of course I was also wearing panties and a bra, along with open toe sandals. They all greeted me by name (real, not Stephanie) and two of the ladies complimented me on my outfit. A couple of customers did kind of smirk when they looked at me, but as I said I just smiled at them. I am completely comfortable dressing enfemme in public! I am a Crossdresser, it is what I do!!

Be proud of who and what you are! And if that guy really is a pathological liar, I would be suspect of anything he did or said! As someone said, maybe he is jealous of your courage!!

[April Renee]

Sandra, F'em in the neck...If word gets back to someone you don't want to know at your job you will have a good idea of who told them,and with his history you can always say "well we all know he lies..."
But I will say you do what you feel like and some day you might be the one who smirks!

A True Friend Stabs You In The Front.
April

[Ralph]

When you described him as a pathological liar, I had fun imagining his conversations with your colleages...

"No, really! I swear, the dude had on a long skirt and high heels!"

"Right, John, pull the other one. When are you gonna learn we aren't falling for your stories?"

[ReineD]

And every time he sees me, whether I'm gender-bending or not, he puts on this knowing smirk. It's a put-down without saying a word... and it distinctly conveys an aspect of of "I may only be a security guard, but look how far below me the mighty have fallen!"

When I encounter this, I stare them down. It used to bother me but it doesn't any more. My SO did point out that we may think they are smirking at us but in reality we don't know what they are thinking. And even if he is smirking at you, don't let one bigot take on more importance than all the other people out there who do treat you with respect. :hugs:

[angpai30]

I wouldn't worry about him because in my opinion as you described him being a pathological liar he would have to prove everything he says in any instance. As far as lying if word ever got out to your work I don't think telling them a lie like "we all know he's a pathological liar" would help the situation because even if he is a pathological liar there is still some interest that you may be a crossdresser and they will ask you straight to your face: are you a crossdresser? and lying about it will probably get you in deeper than anyone wants to go.

Hannah~~

P.s. Lying get's you no where except for the hole that you dug. Truth always let's you fly higher than you thought possible; always with upward incline!!

[donnalee]

Unless you are under oath in a court of law, verbal questions need not be answered at all. The best way is to answer a question with another question; for instance if asked "Are you a crossdresser?", answer "Are you?". I've used this sucessfully to parry unwelcome questions from the gamut of party bores to nosy cops. Personal questions are something I consider extremely rude; unfortunately, they are often used as a substitute for polite conversation.
:brolleyes: Sorry, another one of my buttons pressed.

[Phyliss]

Perhaps a polite return smile with just a hint of a smirk that says "I know what secret YOU are hiding"

Say nothing, but inwardly smile that maybe you'll be getting at him.

[carrie-ann]

I'm a full time cd and I get all kinds of smiles and smirks I just smile and go on. I love it.

[Sandra]

I find the best way to deal with this is to smile at them, it really does confuse them.

Of course he could be smirking because he knows you wear a skirt and he's got the panties and hose on underneath his clothes, but to scared to do anything about it....hmmm what am I looking for....jealousy

[Joni Marie Cruz]

...and the horse he rode in on.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[sandra-leigh]

I totally agree with the other responses! Do you really care what he thinks?

Since I started cross-dressing (almost exactly 5 years ago), what strangers say rarely "gets to me". They might annoy me, perhaps, if they are obviously trying to provoke me (if only so that they can hear my voice to confirm what they suspect), but if for example someone I walk by says out-loud "Hey, it's a dude in a dress!", I say to myself, "No shit, Sherlock!" (Rocky Horror audience participation reference), and keep walking. The few insults I get roll off me. If I'm in a rougher area of the city, yes, I might get a little nervous, but being tactically concerned about one's safety is not the same as something "getting to you".

But this one fellow is not a stranger, he is someone I know, who knows my name, exactly where I work, what I do, my wife's name. And when he does meet me, his words are polite... but his expression, his smirk, somehow manages to hit a pocket of insecurity.

It is easier to dismiss what complete strangers think than it is to dismiss people who know you. Wanting our "peers" to like us is a normal human reaction. But I want to "have my cake and eat it too" -- I want to dress as I am internally driven to dress and I want people to still be comfortable and like me.

Most of us reading this have a right to self expression (I know we have some forum members from restrictive countries), but we don't have a right to expect that people will not actively dislike our expression... especially for someone like me, giving off ambiguous or contradictory gender signals. So in theory when we go out, we are always facing the question "What are we prepared to give up in choosing this self-expression??" In practice, I find that where I live, I give up very little, and I gain a fair bit: people like Sandra or half-Sandra more than they like male-me. Or perhaps "like" is the wrong term: Sandra and half-Sandra are perhaps more "open" people, more cues of "this person is friendly and approachable", and perhaps more receptive to friendliness that already exists around me.

Still, a put-down from someone you know hurts more than a put-down from someone you don't know.

[Sally2005]

Could it be a knowing smirk about himself (or he thinks you were one to complain about him?)... he recognizes you, but is embarrased about being asked to leave your building and its awkward because you can dismantle his fantasty world that is built on lies?

Just smile back, but avoid him if you can. Liars can cause a lot of social damage and are an emotional nightmare to deal with.

[Amy Lynn3]

This may not amount to a hill of beans, but I feel compeled to state what I do with people like this man. I confront them. The people that do not want to speak to me, I go out of my way to make them speak to me. I never miss an opportunity to speak to them. I make it their problem not mine. The next time you see this fellow ask him how he is doing or if he likes the outfit you have on. Put the ball in his court and you will find out what he is thinking. He knows all about you already, so you can't lose anything but you may just find out what's on his mind. Even if he is looking down his nose at you I had rather know for sure than speculate if he will spill the beans or not. If he does people know he is nothing but a liar and you can answer with a question....you are going to believe that liar ? Just my 2 cents.

[sandra-leigh]

Could it be a knowing smirk about himself (or he thinks you were one to complain about him?)... he recognizes you, but is embarrased about being asked to leave your building and its awkward because you can dismantle his fantasty world that is built on lies?


I have to be vague about why he was reassigned; I am bound by "need-to-know" oaths in the matter. I will have to abbreviate it as "I never had a personal or professional problem with him when he worked for us." I will also add that along with his stories, I also heard him relate unpopular truths, not always being wise in who he spoke them to.

He is not a friend of mine; neither is he my enemy. He's see me around long enough that if he were minded to try to cause damage to me, he would probably already have done so.

With respect to his carrying the story to work: I've already talked to Human Resources about the possibility of my dressing at work, and have received a theoretical go-ahead. But I want to continue working with the gender therapist I recently started with before I make that step... and of course I need to continue working with my wife before I make that step! HR has said quite clearly that if they become aware of anyone bad-mouthing me for my gender expression, that they will step in and make it clear to the offender that that kind of hostile behaviour is Not Allowed.

In summary, I'm not worried about what this fellow might say to whom. The past history I related for context is a bit of a 'red herring' in that way.

His smirk should not bother me... but it does. In time I'll get over it.

The generalization here to other people is: the things that "get to us" are not always rational or predictable, and can even be minor things whilst the "big things" leave us untouched.

[IngeInCO]

wow
i don't know if I will ever go out

i fancy some of the secrecy and that

is there a cruise or something for us CD's