Is being gay worst than be a crossdresser?

[Barbara Dugan]

Don't get me wrong I always try to avoid post on personal and family issues
but this is something I've seen on many posts. one of the first things that most crossdressers do when being outed is to defend their sexuality I understand is because of the view of society toward us. But are we trying to imply at the same time that being a cd is not the same as being gay or that being a cd is better than being gay .

[Sarah Michelle]

[in my opinion] being a c.d. is different than being gay. I have a gay step-son in his 20s. he wouldn't dress in fem but he is definitely effiminate in both dress and mannerisms. most of his boyfriends have been far less effiminate than he is.
the continuum isn't vertical, it's horizontal. some of the spots are more heavily populated than others, some of the spots are more popular than others.

[Ann Thomas]

My Cousin is gay and we had a discussion about this subject. According to him. it turns out most people think gay guys are effeminate, hence when they see a guy in female clothing they assume they are gay. He said, "We like men, that's why we're gay. Why would we *want* to dress as a woman? Doesn't make sense. When my partner and I go out, we dress up, in guys sport clothes usually. A gay guy dressing as a woman is for entertainment. Before [my long time current partner] came along, I had two boyfriends that were drag queens. I ought to know." (I'm condensing and paraphrasing a bit.)

I think that's why crossdressers feel they need to explain their sexuality, since it's assumed they are gay by people that don't know the difference.

Anyway, I had to explain all of this to my wife as well, as that was one of her questions for me some time ago.

Hugs,
Ann

[Lorileah]

I'll take answer "c" being narrow minded is worse. The other choices are not "evil". You say "either" I say "Oh isn't that skirt cute" :)

[Teri Jean]

IMO being gay has advantages in that it doesn't have to be visible as CD or transitioning trans-sexual. I have a nephew who is gay and for reasons to him alone he thinks it takes more b...............ack bone to be a CD/TS. You thought I was going to say balls, LOL. When you think about it he is right, when we come out of the closet everyone knows the change but unless a gay person tells you it is not evident. Then the first question is about your sexual preference so then you have the option of answering or walking away. Not everyone is or has to be gay to CD or TG, it's a life choice separate from CDing.

IMO Teri

[Barbara Dugan]

Thanks for your opinion gals then I think is safe to say that I am a gay crossdresser:hugs:

[Frédérique]

But are we trying to imply at the same time that being a cd is not the same as being gay or that being a cd is better than being gay.

It’s not that being gay is “worse” than being a crossdresser (or vice versa), it’s just that most people don’t bother to look closely enough to make distinctions. This is about education, I suppose, but I really don’t care if people learn how many different types of “us” there are. I don’t mind being thought of as gay, though – I like to confuse people and play with their conception of reality. We artists are thought of as “sensualists,” and that may be an extremely accurate term – our senses all work well together, so we are open to delights others may miss. Wearing women’s clothing is one such delight, wouldn’t you say? I’m not gay (pity), but I’m very merry…:gayflag:


I think is safe to say that I am a gay crossdresser

Good for you! I’ve seen the word “crossdresser” associated with homosexuality in some arcane definitions, but, the longer I read the posts on this site the more I realize definitions are anything but definite…

[AndroRemi]

The only problem that comes with exposure of your habit is that many of us dress for very different reasons, and the only real awareness that the mainstream media knows of or cares to publicizes is the fetish aspect which is usually based on gender role reversal and interpreted as homosexual. While this may not be the case for you, it is probably more beneficial to be homosexual and coming out about cross dressing due to the spreading knowledge and acceptance of homosexuality. Neither is better than the other, one is just more exposed and understood than the other.

[Kate Simmons]

Hopefully not. That would be like the "pot" saying the "kettle" is black.

[Stephanie Stephens]

Barbara; I consider myself as a bisexual and a cross-dresser. I cannot separate the two. I feel that my sexuality and my gender expression are intertwined. So, I cannot say which one is worse.

[Annie D]

The longer that I frequent this site, the more I see others change their attitudes about themselves and others in regard to their sexuality and preferences. I know that I have. I no longer try to defend who I am or how I represent myself. In the past month alone I have been viewed as gay, bi-sexual and straight. If someone perceives me as any one of these "handles", then I no longer try to change their perception. In reality, we are who people think we are; why try to convince them otherwise......unless you are as homophobic as they are. Your sexual preference is none of their business.

If you dress like a duck, act like a duck; then most people will perceive you as a duck; stop quacking about it and waddle on.

[Jeanna]

Thanks for your opinion gals then I think is safe to say that I am a gay crossdresser:hugs:

Of course it is safe to say, at least with us. But consider that if you are a "woman trapped in a man's body" you are not gay at all.

[Chiana]

The longer that I frequent this site, the more I see others change their attitudes about themselves and others in regard to their sexuality and preferences. I know that I have. I no longer try to defend who I am or how I represent myself. In the past month alone I have been viewed as gay, bi-sexual and straight. If someone perceives me as any one of these "handles", then I no longer try to change their perception. In reality, we are who people think we are; why try to convince them otherwise......unless you are as homophobic as they are. Your sexual preference is none of their business.

If you dress like a duck, act like a duck; then most people will perceive you as a duck; stop quacking about it and waddle on.

Perfect.

[DianneRoberts]

As long as a person is good to children and animals, who cares.

Put Mike Vick back in prison and throw away the key.

[PrettyFlowingGown]

In my experiences in the last 10 months, since going out dressed is that, even crossdressers are treated unfairly by some gay guys, but not so much lesbians. I've heard some gay guys say "Why would a man want to wear a dress all the time". They even think all crossdressers are straight. I'm bi, but never think about my sexual orientation.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

For me, its not that either is better or worse, I think both have advantages and disadvantages as far as how we deal with the mainstream, but both groups obviously still have some struggles to get past.

For me, I don't really care if people think I'm gay, except in the case of potential partners, I don't think not wanting women I'm trying to date to think I'm gay means I think being gay is a bad thing.

So I think some of the people who come out as a CD and say "but I'm not gay," are doing it because they're usually trying to reassure their SO or potential SO because they are worried she might think they are.

[JulieK1980]

I'm happy being Bi and a crossdresser.. I don't think either is better or worse, in fact I wouldn't give up either part of myself... People fixate too much on labels... gay, straight, crossdresser... it doesn't matter, we are all people.

[Misty is Kindafem]

Thanks for your opinion gals then I think is safe to say that I am a gay crossdresser:hugs:

Welcome to the party girlfriend. (wouldn't a real party be great?)

Was that lovely announcement for you or us? ;-)

-Misty

[DawnRodgers]

It can get to confusing. If you present ass a woman does "gay" mean you want to be with a woman or a man. If "straight" the same question. Bi doesn't necessarily solve it either because some of us are very definitive about what we want. Also some will prefer specific partners in different personnas. Somebody needs to come up with something more definitive, I've never known, for sure, how to desvribe sezuality in this situation but always try tp ,ake it as clear as possible by writing it outclearly. There is no quick easy answer.
Dawn

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Somebody needs to come up with something more definitive

Or perhaps the exact opposite, we need to not worry about definitions and just be happy to be ourselves and be attracted to who we are attracted to.

Like I said before, as long as girls I'm interested in know that I like girls, that's all I need to worry about.

[Christina Horton]

I think (in today's world) it is almost a trendy or much better to come out as gay. Drag Queens are even better to be cuz people like to go to a drag show and have fun. But when your a straight CDer your thought of as a lower class person cuz your strange. I personally don't care if people think I am gay...but if they ask me if I am , or if I am telling someone I cd them I will tell them . Most people have no clue that most of the CDers out here are straight and that shocks them. There like WOW I did not know that. So when it come right down to it I think it's easier (but nit by much) to come out and stay out as a gay man or woman. My sis is gay and my mom has just as almost as hard time dealing with that then with my CDing. Although mom is now much better with my CDing and has going shopping with Christina and to dinner etc. So being gay might be better in today's world, But it still is a hard thing to deal with unless you yourself love yourself and excepts it fully. If your feeling guilty co ashamed you will always have problems with every thing about it. You need to love your self and then others will love you. Unless you like being miserable all your life!!!

Congrats to all that has come out to friends and family and to those whom have not, Love thy self them after you have then come out when your/They are ready. Good luck all.:love::hugs:

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Both work for me....not a problem...however on the pecking order (no pun intended) being gay is the new "cool thing" in society...Cding hasn't even come to close to that so far...maybe in 20 years it might be...

[Nicole Erin]

Gay and CD seem to be about the same level...
Nothing wrong with either, as long as, on the web, you are not considered "GHEY"

Even worser would be if you were -
OMG PWN3D LOLLERCOASTERZZZ GHEY!

Now THAT would be bad, but gay or CD, heh no biggie.

I mean come on, what if when a man wore men's clothes we automatically assumed he was straight, or a woman in a dress, does that automatically make her a lesbian?

Or what about our friend here with the badger avatar? Does that automatically make her a badger?

Or what if we just assumed Debbie was dumb cause she is a blonde?

What if we assumed Christina was a truck driver just cause it was in her signatire, or that I look like a cartoon, or that Gypsy was a giraffe?

All this assuming, man I tell ya I can't take it!

[Christina Horton]

What if we assumed Christina was a truck driver just cause it was in her signature!

Well I am silly, sometimes the truth is right in your face you silly goose. Oh I called her a goose does that mean she is a goose. Well I guess so if society says so , it must be true. Sometimes a duck is a duck and sometimes when you see a duck it is not a duck it is a elephant. Now that's a feat of Crossdressing to the max. Just image the corset that Elephant must have to wear to give it a duck's curve. WOW. It would not be able to breath well. LOL . Just thinking about it make me laugh.:daydreaming::heehee::D

[Elsa Larson]

> I have a friend who is gay and a crossdresser. He can be a handsome guy or a cute girl. His boyfriend is not in to femme guys but tolerates the behavior. It's very similar to how a wife or SO might feel about her husband's crossdressing.

> For many of us, crossdressing is an isolating activity - something we do alone. You can't be gay by yourself.

> It must be very difficult for gay crossdressers to find accepting partners.

> I've heard anecdotes about men with deep-seated homophobia who explore transgender and transseuality rather than deal with their own repressed homosexuality.

[Barbara Dugan]

Once again thanks for your opinions, I am sorry if I offend anyone with this issue it wasn't my intention I just feel more liberated and besides the common denominator here is acceptance:hugs:

[sherri52]

People in general have in the past always put cd'ing and gay in the same catagory. As a cd'er we usually are disliked by both straight and gay communities. In either the gay or cd communities we as individuals should except both views as it is out of "the Norm" per say. I don't care who you are straight, bi,cd,ts, whatever i will be a friend of all unless as an individual you treat me wrong. I was prejudice as a child. In my foxhole in Nam was a gay black man. When he stayed awake, I could sleep. Now I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I hope I'm giving the Same.

[Melissa Rose]

IMHO being gay and being a crossdresser are two different things, thus I can not say which one is worse. It is a fair question, but selecting one as being worse is in some ways saying there is something wrong or bad with one or both. I do not felt that way about either.

In general, society likes labels and stereotypes because they are easy and serve a purpose when facts are not available. Many stereotypes are partially or occasionally correct; however, the truth often becomes distorted or hijacked over time when applied with a wide brush. Ignorance, which is not the same as stupidity, often drives stereotypes and labels. Once I learned to ignore stereotypes and overly simplistic labels and stopped using them myself especially in a judgmental manner, I found myself being happier with who and what I am. I am a person and not a label. I owe the same courtesy to others.

[Wen4cd]

I'm not even exactly sure what 'being gay' really means, much less where it places you on the Ladder of Human Worthiness in relation to 'being a cross dresser.'

[Metoo]

I can't say one is worst; they are just label that have applied to people without consideration to the person behind the label. We are more then just a label. I'm bi love being with guys, sometimes more so than girl, have a wife and also a CD's at 57 years old

[Kara Connor]

I don't think people here "defend their sexuality" to suggest that they are somehow better than any other group. It is pretty common in this forum for the members to be have GG SOs. Naturally one of the first questions their SO are going to ask is "are you gay?" because it is a common misconception that being a cross dresser and being gay are related. For "straight" CDs, which I believe is the statistical majority, they often want to make it clear that they are not gay to put their wife/girlfriend's mind at ease, since if they were that could easily end the relationship. I think, and certainly hope, that no one on this forum claims to be better than anyone else by dint of their sexuality.

Obviously we do claim to be way better than normal people because we are cross dressers, straight, gay or otherwise, or supporters thereof ;) <Just kidding - no flames please>

[Ashley_in_Texas]

Its like asking if pecan pie is worse than apple pie. Neither is better or worse. Its what you are and what you like that maters. I say, "to each, their own".

[NicoleScott]

Being gay vs. being a crossdresser is like comparing peaches and plums. Of course, there are nectarines.....

[Susan.]

I think if it is people I know then I would want to be know as a crossdresser. If I don't know them or barely know them then I would rather be considered gay. Like Christina W said being gay is seen as something that people can accept. However, I want people I know to know the truth, that I am a crossdresser.

[Wen4cd]

About 6% of crossdressers are gay. Dammit, about 6% of everybody is gay.


So it follows that on average, everybody is 6% gay. :battingeyelashes:

[Ruth]

The importance of this distinction comes when you are a hetero CDer in a relationship and you come out to your SO. One of the first questions is: "Does that mean you're gay then?"
The SO, in this context, probably sees being gay as a worse scenario because it seems to kick away one of the foundations of the relationship.
A same-sex acquaintance might ask the same question hoping for the opposite answer. So it's all about context.
Other than that, in the regular free-floating human cultural milieu, being gay and being a CDer are just two positions we can take on the large and vaguely defined spectrum of human gender expression and sexual preference. Some cultures attach value judgements to positions on the spectrum. But really, it's preposterous to make comparisons.

[KateSpade83]

Being gay is not cool and is worse than being a crossdresser. God does not approve gay sex but clothes are just clothes and I think God would forgive crossdressing. GAY sex is Sodom and Gomorah stuff, and God destroyed a whole city for that.

[trannie T]

I wish Barbara had worded the question differently, such as, "Is it better to be gay or a crossdresser?" This would not have the implication that there is something wrong in being gay or a crossdresser. I think God will forgive me for my gay experiences, I pray that the Fashion Police forgive me for my crossdressing.

[Misty is Kindafem]

Being gay is not cool and is worse than being a crossdresser. God does not approve gay sex but clothes are just clothes and I think God would forgive crossdressing. GAY sex is Sodom and Gomorah stuff, and God destroyed a whole city for that.

Um, ...gosh, where do I start?

You THINK God would forgive crossdressing?

Let me ask you this; If you caught your son repeatedly crossdressing even after you wrote it on his bedroom wall that he "shall not" do such a thing, what would you do? Kill him? Burn him? Beat him? Kick him out? Damn him to an eternity in hell?

Just curious.

I'm not gonna address the gay comment. I suspect it would be a waste of valuable keyboard clicks anyway.

-Misty

[hotskirt]

Well as a man I'm straight. I only like girls. As a women I'm a lesbian. I only like girls.

[sissystephanie]

As my Tag Line says, underneath all I am a man! Not gay or Bi, just a heterosexual man who loves to wear pretty feminine clothing! From the skin out!:love:

And to paraphrase Jeanna's Tag line; I am like the weather, I do not pay attention to criticism of what I wear! Well, unless you count criticism of my outfit as not matching correctly!!:heehee:

[KateSpade83]

Um, ...gosh, where do I start?

You THINK God would forgive crossdressing?

Let me ask you this; If you caught your son repeatedly crossdressing even after you wrote it on his bedroom wall that he "shall not" do such a thing, what would you do? Kill him? Burn him? Beat him? Kick him out? Damn him to an eternity in hell?

Just curious.

I'm not gonna address the gay comment. I suspect it would be a waste of valuable keyboard clicks anyway.

-Misty

My Priest didn't say anything bad about crossdressing and I have even gone to church in skirt suits.

I would only warn my son that crossdressing is cursed.

GAY sex is an unnatural adultery. If you crave that kind of action just get yourself a sex toy and mannequin...

[Kara Connor]

My Priest didn't say anything bad about crossdressing and I have even gone to church in skirt suits.

I would only warn my son that crossdressing is cursed.

GAY sex is an unnatural adultery. If you crave that kind of action just get yourself a sex toy and mannequin...

Kate, I suggest you think long and hard before posting again. First of all, learn to think for yourself, and secondly learn to think what effect your words might have on others who might actually believe the nonsense you spout.

[KateSpade83]

Kate, I suggest you think long and hard before posting again. First of all, learn to think for yourself, and secondly learn to think what effect your words might have on others who might actually believe the nonsense you spout.

It's you who's spouting nonsense, and you just don't have the stomach to tolerate my views which I have a right to express. Otherwise it's like saying being gay is popular which it is not; - it makes you an outcast.

[Veronica Nowakowski]

There's nothing wrong with either. But being gay can be bad for a heterosexual relationship obviously. I assure you that no gay man would want his partner thinking he was really straight. I have found that balancing my energy has led me, myself to be bicurious. So, such thoughts aren't unfounded.

[AndroRemi]

While you do have the right to believe what you will and express your beliefs, Kate, you are being insensitive by saying what you are in your posts, as I'm sure the moderators will agree. Misty made the mistake of responding to your post which was very offensive to homosexuals, and Kara took a wrong step in suggesting that what you're saying is nonsense. This is not something you should be discussing in this thread.

[Hali]

As it is in the nature of man to resist or dislike anything he doesnt know/understand. The society resisted gay activities for a long time may be religious condemnation of the act greatly contributed, but right after gay pple expressed themselves and came out to the world things started getting better and also due to the fact that the issue of being gay is a bit straight forward i.e "a guy having sexual interests in other guys". But for crossdressers there are a lot of complications CDs do not show themselves as pple with a distinct personality and also the sexual identity of a CD is a bit complicated.

Other factor that contribute to the stigmatization of the CDs is the fact the CD activity is a bit reclusive we often get labeled as "freaks" so i guess CDs are worst off.

[Joanne f]

As far as moral issues are concerned i see that there is no difference so one would be no better or worse that the other, but as far as the general public is concerned i would say that being a cross dresser is worse because very few understand why we do it therefor their imagination runs wild and usually comes up with the wrong reasons why we Cd.
And to make things a bit more complicated i would say that in general being gay would be worse if you are in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex.
So it really boils down to who`s perspective you are looking at it from .

[Joselle3]

If you want to lose your faith, make friends with a priest
I have some gay friends.. I do not consider them outcasts at all !
You have your right to your opinions Kate but please be aware not all of us share those opinions

[Wendi0012]

Barbara, does such a thing really matter in this day of age. When I was in my freshman year of college I dated this wonderful guy and things were great. One day my mom asked if I was gay and to her surprize my answer was no I was in love with this guy and that was that!! When I started to crossdress I did not sit there and ponder will people think i'm gay because I wear a dress, NO. The truth is we are who we are and that's all. Love is an emotion that we all have and share in different ways. The cloths we wear the people we hang with does not matter I believe the world as a hole has much bigger problems then who people choose to love and the cloths they wear to express themselves.


P.S. Barbara, you are a very wonderful gay crossdresser and so nice to share time learning about you!!

Love Always,
Wendi:love:

[kimkat]

IMO, being gay is not worse then being a cross-dresser. In some cases I feel that it is better to be known as gay then as a CD. Maybe it is because of the fact that I feel that society is more accepting of a homosexual then a transexual. I'm sure that it has also shaped my point of view by having worked with several gay/lesbian co-workers. When I worked with them, I knew they were gay but I never really thought about it. To me they were regular person. Not trying to offend anyone but I tend to look at a person's ethics then how they are dressed. I give people the same respect that I would like to have until you prove to me that you do not deserve it.

:2c:

Kim

[Vanysh]

I am a gay crossdresser and I'm much more comfortable talking about my sexuality with other people. I don't know if that adds to the conversation or not. I just feel like being gay is something that is slowly becoming more and more accepted. Whilst crossdressing is a couple of stages back in progress.

Crossdressing is a much more complicated condition. That sounds bad but think about it. When we come out as crossdressers the majority of people assume us to be gay. Or to have Gender Dysphoria. Whilst we might not have either. So I think being gay is just simpler than being a CD.

Unfortunately for me, I am both. And probably will never come out.

[Maddie22]

I think that maybe the question should be re-phrased to this, "What is less accepting in society, being gay or a crossdresser?" or maybe "is being a cd harder than being gay?" or something along those lines, I didn't for once think that you werer trying to imply that one is actually worse to be than the other...anyways, I do not think either is a "worse" thing. They are both fine to be. However, answering my questions I posed, which I feel is what you were trying to ask...I think that a person who is a cd is less accepted in society, and a little bit harder. I think that society views GL&B issues more favorably than the T issues of GLBT, and I believe that a lot of that has to do with people being educated about all issues, and realizing that sexual idendtity is different than gender idendity ( Yes, CDing does fall under the gender idendity continuium) I believe that TG issues are kinda the last push that will happen for equal civil rights for all.

To KateSpade83 you are most certainly entitled to your own opinion. I am guessing that you are a Christian, since you spoke of priests. Since you are a Christian, you must place the majority of your faith into the new testimate. After all, Christianaity follows the teachings of Jesus. So my first challenge to you is to find anywhere in the New Testimate where Jesus condems homo sexuality.

Besides which, the Bible is written and translated by man, over centuries. Religion was also used as an authoritative tool over the common man.

Even IF, and that is an enormous IF, homosexuality is a sin, didn't Jesus die for ALL our sins? And isn't God only allowed to judge another??

Just a few thoughts for you.

[ArleneRaquel]

I think that maybe the question should be re-phrased to this, "What is less accepting in society, being gay or a crossdresser?" or maybe "is being a cd harder than being gay?" or something along those lines, I didn't for once think that you werer trying to imply that one is actually worse to be than the other...anyways, I do not think either is a "worse" thing. They are both fine to be. However, answering my questions I posed, which I feel is what you were trying to ask...I think that a person who is a cd is less accepted in society, and a little bit harder. I think that society views GL&B issues more favorably than the T issues of GLBT, and I believe that a lot of that has to do with people being educated about all issues, and realizing that sexual idendtity is different than gender idendity ( Yes, CDing does fall under the gender idendity continuium) I believe that TG issues are kinda the last push that will happen for equal civil rights for all.

To KateSpade83 you are most certainly entitled to your own opinion. I am guessing that you are a Christian, since you spoke of priests. Since you are a Christian, you must place the majority of your faith into the new testimate. After all, Christianaity follows the teachings of Jesus. So my first challenge to you is to find anywhere in the New Testimate where Jesus condems homo sexuality.

Besides which, the Bible is written and translated by man, over centuries. Religion was also used as an authoritative tool over the common man.

Even IF, and that is an enormous IF, homosexuality is a sin, didn't Jesus die for ALL our sins? And isn't God only allowed to judge another??

Just a few thoughts for you.

Great post, which also leaves plenty food for thought. :love:

[mklinden2010]

>>But are we trying to imply at the same time that being a cd is not the same as being gay or that being a cd is better than being gay .


I can't say what "we" are trying to imply in every case, but I understand, in the instant of the "outing discussion," that the distinction between being understood to be heterosexual crossdresser or being homosexual - in any clothing - may seem like an important thing to establish.

A crossdresser, in the outing discussion moment, may think it important to seem, "not as bad as..." so as to avoid, to their minds and in that circumstance, unmerited approbation. That, at first blush, seems a defensive and intelligent thing to do.

However, it is a false sense of security. Being a crossdresser and making a concession like this, you've already stepped from the straight and narrow and, worse, you have now argued yourself into a insupportable position: you are no longer a normal male, nor a normal female; you are less of each - and not even, by your own words and actions, even a half-way decent homosexual.

Generalizations and sloppiness.... I can't see what is so marvelous about being a wife-beating heterosexual, or, a bank-robbing homosexual. Both "sexuals" have to do with sexual interest, and only sparingly have anything to do with character. We all know this.. We all know wonderful straight and gay people. Whether we know they are gay or straight or not, we still know them. It is a statistical certainty.

Yet, nearly everyone loves a whipping boy or whipping girl and when presented the opportunity the majority of us, no matter our own shortcomings, will happily disparage others to save our own skins, reputations, jobs, or, even lunch money from harm. But, again, ultimately to our own loss - since our own day of judgement will always arrive and then we suffer that which we have so easily done to others.

My life got a lot easier when I began to answer the question, "Are you gay" with the simple question, "If I am, so what?" To me, it is the same type of question as, "Do you have some black blood, or, Chinese blood, in your background?" Again, "If so, so what?" It might be of interest to a medical doctor, or, a DNA researcher, but does my heart care, does my blood care, do my toes care? If that's the way I am, that's the way I am.

But, what about this... What if I am gay, black, or, Chinese and just don't know it or think about it. Yet, I still drive a car, still bake cookies, still balance a check book. So what? Does it really matter unless you're looking for a date? And, if I'm gay, can I be bisexual and of some use to women and men - and, if they were happy, who else's business would it be?

The question subject in the instance is not, "Are you gay?" the subject at hand is, "Uh, so,.. You're a crossdresser?"

And, the answer is, correctly:

"No, I am a human being. Crossdressing is just something human beings do; it is not who anyone is."

[AmiFL]

Don't get me wrong I always try to avoid post on personal and family issues
but this is something I've seen on many posts. one of the first things that most crossdressers do when being outed is to defend their sexuality I understand is because of the view of society toward us. But are we trying to imply at the same time that being a cd is not the same as being gay or that being a cd is better than being gay .

Barb,

Speaking as a totally heterosexual male I must admit....looking at you get my attention.

As a woman you are very beautiful...... Just as you are probably handsome as a man. You sexuality does not make you any more or less attractive. I have as many gay friends (male or female) as straight. Thieir orientation does not matter, the person does. Just as whether we crossdress or not does not matter, it is who and what we are that counts.

Be all you can be, regardless of what you are wearing or what gender catches your fancy.

Soapbox done...............

ps. what did you tests show..................

.

[danacd96]

I consider myself as Androgynous. I was born that way which in my opinion makes it an inherent quality. I'm not one who prefers labels! We are who we are, cd, tg, gay, bi, straight, etc. Acceptance and respect for others will negate the need of a measure to see what is better or worse.

[Chrissi]

> I have a friend who is gay and a crossdresser. He can be a handsome guy or a cute girl. His boyfriend is not in to femme guys but tolerates the behavior. It's very similar to how a wife or SO might feel about her husband's crossdressing.

> For many of us, crossdressing is an isolating activity - something we do alone. You can't be gay by yourself.

> It must be very difficult for gay crossdressers to find accepting partners.

> I've heard anecdotes about men with deep-seated homophobia who explore transgender and transseuality rather than deal with their own repressed homosexuality.

As a gay man and a crossdresser I couldn't agree more. I am moderately out as a gay man. However I am very deep in my very small closet as a crossdresser. My perception is that people are much more tolerant of gays than they are cd'rs.

[KateSpade83]

To KateSpade83 you are most certainly entitled to your own opinion. I am guessing that you are a Christian, since you spoke of priests. Since you are a Christian, you must place the majority of your faith into the new testimate. After all, Christianaity follows the teachings of Jesus. So my first challenge to you is to find anywhere in the New Testimate where Jesus condems homo sexuality.


See 1 Corinthians 6: 9-10 from a true Roman Catholic Bible with a Nihil Obstat marking.

[KateSpade83]

Kate, wake up dear.

Being gay is very popular among gays (6% of the population).
Being gay is moderately popular mong bisexuals (about 15% of the population)
Being gay is very unpopular among certain branches of certain religions (??% of the population, you tell me).
Neither popularity or unpopularity makes it right or wrong - that is a matter of personal decision by each of us (0.00000003 % of the population).


Wake up? Of course being gay is popular among gays, - but NOT with straight people who will make you an outcast.

I suffer from a "gay" reputation just because of crossdressing and it has badly hurt my career and social life. Like I never had a good paying job last over 1 year. Gays are discriminated a lot in employment. And I don't associate or make friends with gay people because I don't beleive in what they do. I'd only associate with another straight crossdresser or straight people.

And gay sex is often cursed with AIDS... and dying from AIDS IS HORRIBLE!

[AndroRemi]

Anyone else see the irony of saying being gay isn't popular with straight people? Or is it just me?

[JulieK1980]

See 1 Corinthians 6: 9-10 from a true Roman Catholic Bible with a Nihil Obstat marking.

That would concern me much more, if that book had any real value to me... but oh well it doesn't....

Aids? Really, considering 1 in 3 people in Africa have aids, not to mention 1 in 5 in many parts of Asia, I'd have to say, the myth that aids is a homosexual disease went out the window in the 80's.....

We need a reality check here.....

[TxCassie]

I think one must remember that sexuality and gender identity are two different things. I do like to think that each compliments the other but does not define either one as each are fluid within the spectrum. It is also important to state that each person experience is different as there are so many other factors that influnce gender roles and the expession of one's sexuality.

I first acknowledge I am male and I am gay. My sexual, emotional, mental orientation, perspective, fullfillment is fullfilled by my interactions, my intimacies, my relationships with men. I have no intention to change my gender. I enjoy being male and lving as a male.

On the same level from my male side, I have evloved, recognized, accepted that I my feminine side is first a very real part of me My femininity is a very intense and is significant part of my personality and enough that I manifest it in my dressing. Cassie emerged to fullfill a need in me to connect to feminity and how as a gay man I can involve and fullfill my need to have feminity in my life.

I also believe that as a gay man and how I relate to men is also a factor in how I've allowed my femininity to emerge to such a significant level. One may say, well, I play right up to the sterotype of what a gay man... a sissy, wants to be a girl, etc... Maybe, on the surface, I do... but only to those who can see only the surface will this surfice as a definition. For when not dressed, I am very much male, least in my mind.

Yet, I am gay wheater or not I am in boy mode or en femme. How women and men relate to me does depend on wherther or not i am in boy mode or en femme but how I relate to them is the same.

Have I confused everyone yet? What's the point one may ask?... I guess what I am saying is that we are WHO are, male, female, transgender, and we are WHAT we are, straight, gay, bisexual in one body. So what works for you may work on at different degree or not work at all for another.

just my thought...

Cassie

[Deidra Cowen]

Wake up? Of course being gay is popular among gays, - but NOT with straight people who will make you an outcast.

I suffer from a "gay" reputation just because of crossdressing and it has badly hurt my career and social life. Like I never had a good paying job last over 1 year. Gays are discriminated a lot in employment. And I don't associate or make friends with gay people because I don't beleive in what they do. I'd only associate with another straight crossdresser or straight people.

And gay sex is often cursed with AIDS... and dying from AIDS IS HORRIBLE!

Oh lord Kate, I am dissappointed to see your opinions on gays here. Well you be-friended me here on CD.com. I'm gay so I would suggest you drop me as a friend.

On the original question of whats worse...I don't really care :devil: :heehee:

[Maddie22]

Well Kate, once again, you prove yourself to be pretty damn ignorant. I asked you to find any where in the New Testimate where JESUS, not Paul. After all Christianity is about the love and teachings of JESUS, not what Paul decides to write down!!

Not sure what you do as a career, but you may want to think if it is more yourself that is the problem. Chicago is a pretty liberal city, and there are a lot of very, very successful gay people there.

Maybe you should start doing a little bit of soul searching. Maybe you should look at all of World History, and not just the bible to understand facts.

I've been living in the south for awhile, and there are a lot of the southern babtist that say they will pray for a homosexual person so they turn straight. Well guess what, I am going to pray for you Kate that you realize that you are being very ignorant on this subject, and I hope that you will realize that every type of person deserves the same respect and love from their neighbors.

[Karen564]

I suffer from a "gay" reputation just because of crossdressing and it has badly hurt my career and social life. Like I never had a good paying job last over 1 year. Gays are discriminated a lot in employment. And I don't associate or make friends with gay people because I don't beleive in what they do. I'd only associate with another straight crossdresser or straight people.

Come on Kate, get real..

So you want everyone to accept you for being a CDer only and not being thought of being gay because you feel their the sole reason it hurt your social life & career??
So for that you resent the entire gay population?? and dont believe in what they do??
Lol,,
Do you honestly think they woke up one day & said gee, I Really Want to be gay??

They have no control over their desires to be attracted to the same sex the same as me being a trans, or you being a CDer..or whatever..
Some of the smartest & nicest people I know also just so happen to be gay & it certainly wasn't their choice in life to be gay..

Ever hear of a word called Acceptance??

It doesn't mean you have to personally believe or do what they do, but at the very least try to show the same respect/courtesy for them regardless, as you yourself would want others to give you..

People that live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones..

[cindiey]

im am gay and a crossdresser i am happy :)

[maya1love]

I am soooo thrilled to hear that there are other gay men who crossdress on this site! Yay! Can we start our own thread to talk about our unique issues of dealing with being a crossdresser in the gay community and dealing with our SOs?

[Ingrid1999]

I think it is "easier" ie: more socialy acceptable to be Gay than a CD or Trans. 'Gays' (and I use the term losely) are much more out than the various forms of 'gender queer' folk are. And society has come a lot further with it due to alot of people comming out and rightly forcing society to accomodate them. Being gender queer IMHO has at least another generation to go to get past the stigma.

Being trans is not really that acceptable even in many gay circles. A good friend of mine came out to me as gay by insiting that "he was still a man ... and ridiculing CDs and "men who thought they were women". He didnt know about my inner feelings, but it felt like a kick in the gut to be confided in and insulted at the same time. Being gay doesnt neccessarily make one open minded.

Treat others as you would yourself be treated and you will go far.

[Monica93304]

Wake up? Of course being gay is popular among gays, - but NOT with straight people who will make you an outcast.

I suffer from a "gay" reputation just because of crossdressing and it has badly hurt my career and social life. Like I never had a good paying job last over 1 year. Gays are discriminated a lot in employment. And I don't associate or make friends with gay people because I don't beleive in what they do. I'd only associate with another straight crossdresser or straight people.

And gay sex is often cursed with AIDS... and dying from AIDS IS HORRIBLE!

Kate, your ignorance is astounding. In most of your posts, you rub people the wrong way. But this one really did it for me. Not that YOU matter in my life, but the venom that comes out of your mouth can hurt many people.

Are you perfect? And I'm not speaking in religious terms...I don't think so. For better or worse what we share here is a sisterhood of sorts. You are not my sister.

So, just because I have gay sex often, I will be "cursed" with AIDS? I can run out of adjectives to describe you. But I don't want to add fuel to the fire.

Barbara...girl. I think that you and I see many things through the same color glass. I will stay in touch with you via PM.


I wish love and happiness to all of my sisters here.


Monica.

[gemsay32]

In my experiences in the last 10 months, since going out dressed is that, even crossdressers are treated unfairly by some gay guys, but not so much lesbians. I've heard some gay guys say "Why would a man want to wear a dress all the time". They even think all crossdressers are straight. I'm bi, but never think about my sexual orientation.

I know a gay man. A lot of them like leather (arousing). They wear leather coats/pants/etc. They can wear it and most people aren't bothered by it. For a guy who likes the femme reverse - satins - it's a different story. We're not attracted to ourselves, like they're, so we cannot wear clothes that're appropriate for us. This means we have to hide. We're lesbians in a mans body. Many lesbians also have the same preferance, but they're free to enjoy it openly while we're not.

I'm generalizing so if you feel that I'm pigeon-holing you then I am sorry. I know very much that there're many flavors of passion and arousal and so on. I am making a generic statement for a subset of people. I'm comparing gays to lesbians, and then lesbians to some CD males. There might even be an argument that there're CD females - the opposite of CD males. They would like leather, but since they're not attracted to themselves, they would be in the same boat as us. So if you ever see a female walking down the street in leather pants or something, you might ask yourself, "A female CD?"

This is all conjecture, and is from a sexual arousal perspective. Some males/females? CD for other reasons.

[PetiteTonya]

Wake up? Of course being gay is popular among gays, - but NOT with straight people who will make you an outcast.

I suffer from a "gay" reputation just because of crossdressing and it has badly hurt my career and social life. Like I never had a good paying job last over 1 year. Gays are discriminated a lot in employment. And I don't associate or make friends with gay people because I don't beleive in what they do. I'd only associate with another straight crossdresser or straight people.

And gay sex is often cursed with AIDS... and dying from AIDS IS
HORRIBLE!

In this day and age of increased knowledge and tolerance, I have to ask, what cocoon have you been curled up in for the last two decades? Your ignorance and intolerance are exactly the reason our community continues to struggle with wider acceptance.

I'm really quite happy you live a great distance from me. Not only are your remarks poisonous, vitriolic and ill conceived, but they are also factually incorrect.

You're whining about acceptance? How ridiculous you are. You only hang out with "straight" cds, yet in another post you proclaim affirmation of your "beauty" by the number and tone of the reactions you receive from men when you go out.

I think you have issues....serious serious issues.

[gemsay32]

In this day and age of increased knowledge and tolerance, I have to ask, what cocoon have you been curled up in for the last two decades? Your ignorance and intolerance are exactly the reason our community continues to struggle with wider acceptance.

I'm really quite happy you live a great distance from me. Not only are your remarks poisonous, vitriolic and ill conceived, but they are also factually incorrect.

You're whining about acceptance? How ridiculous you are. You only hang out with "straight" cds, yet in another post you proclaim affirmation of your "beauty" by the number and tone of the reactions you receive from men when you go out.

I think you have issues....serious serious issues.

A quote I carry with me (or try to):

"We must strive to give others the benefit of doubt, to speak kindly to them and about them, and to try and not force others to believe as we believe."

[izzfan]

I'm bi (albeit more on the gay side of bi than the striaght side) and I found it a lot easier to understand and come out about my bi side than my female side. This probably has to do with the fact that I realised that I was a crossdresser/somewhat androgynous (in terms of personality) several years before I realised that I was bi.

In general, while there has (quite rightly) been a lot of work and campaigning for lesbian,gay and bisexual rights, there has been relatively little campaigning for crossdressers and other transgendered people. There are some campaigns for TG rights/acceptance but crossdressers are often still viewed by the general public as somewhat strange or something to make fun of. We have very little protection in law, even the UK anti-discrimination/hate crimes laws regarding trans people only cover people who are TS or transitioning. In the US, I read that they had to drop passages referring to trans people in a recent LGBT hate crimes bill (I read about this a while ago and I don't know the specifics of it).

[CherylFlint]

The drab part of me likes women while the Cheryl part likes men. I've never thought about being gay since, as far as I'm concerned, I'm straight and don't ever get the two mixed up.

[Vi]

I dont think either could be considered "worst" but i think most hetero people connect CDing and being gay for some reason.

[SuzanneBender]

For me, its not that either is better or worse, I think both have advantages and disadvantages as far as how we deal with the mainstream, but both groups obviously still have some struggles to get past.

For me, I don't really care if people think I'm gay, except in the case of potential partners, I don't think not wanting women I'm trying to date to think I'm gay means I think being gay is a bad thing.

So I think some of the people who come out as a CD and say "but I'm not gay," are doing it because they're usually trying to reassure their SO or potential SO because they are worried she might think they are.

Right on Jive Turkey (stated with a hi five and earth wind and fire bumping in the background!)

I do not say I am not gay to imply that gay is a good or bad thing. I said it to my wife when I came out to her to reassure her because for her me being gay would be a bad thing.

I personally think we make way too much of sexuality. Someone else said it here and it warrants repeating,” as long as you are a good person and are kind to kids, animals and old folks I really could care less what sex you are sleeping with."

Plutonic kisses :heehee: to all.

[PetiteTonya]

I'm bi (albeit more on the gay side of bi than the striaght side) and I found it a lot easier to understand and come out about my bi side than my female side. This probably has to do with the fact that I realised that I was a crossdresser/somewhat androgynous (in terms of personality) several years before I realised that I was bi.

In general, while there has (quite rightly) been a lot of work and campaigning for lesbian,gay and bisexual rights, there has been relatively little campaigning for crossdressers and other transgendered people. There are some campaigns for TG rights/acceptance but crossdressers are often still viewed by the general public as somewhat strange or something to make fun of. We have very little protection in law, even the UK anti-discrimination/hate crimes laws regarding trans people only cover people who are TS or transitioning. In the US, I read that they had to drop passages referring to trans people in a recent LGBT hate crimes bill (I read about this a while ago and I don't know the specifics of it).

http://www.hrc.org/


I think this makes for interesting reading

[cd_jamie]

what is worse cd or gay? a gay can be stealthy about it. a non passing cd sticks out a little.

I wouldnt say one is worse or better. myself I have never and will never be with another man.. its not my thing. I read statistics and the majority of cd are heterosexual.very few are gay and the number of bisexual cd falls in the middle closer to the gay figure if I remember correctly.

I had a gay cusin that died a few years ago.(osteoporosis) yes males get it to his body was not producing enough testosterone, I will say this he ran with a weird crowd. I have known many gays and if they didnt tell you they leaned that way you would have never known.

[CherylFlint]

According to the dictionary, a crossdresser is someone who wears attire of the opposite sex while as transvestite actually identifys with the oppossite sex. I started out as a crossdresser but after a few years I started to morph into a transvestite. While I'm Cheryl I like men but I've never thought of myself as gay. To me it's perfectly normal behavior. Cheryl goes to gay bars while my drab self has never been to one.

[Jamie001]

How can someone die from osteoporosis? This problem is usually treated with Boneva or other drugs to supplement bone loss provided that it is diagnosed. I have heard of bone breakage and other hardships but never heard of anyone dieing from osteoporosis. Please indulge my curiosity.

:hugs: Jamie


what is worse cd or gay? a gay can be stealthy about it. a non passing cd sticks out a little.

I wouldnt say one is worse or better. myself I have never and will never be with another man.. its not my thing. I read statistics and the majority of cd are heterosexual.very few are gay and the number of bisexual cd falls in the middle closer to the gay figure if I remember correctly.

I had a gay cusin that died a few years ago.(osteoporosis) yes males get it to his body was not producing enough testosterone, I will say this he ran with a weird crowd. I have known many gays and if they didnt tell you they leaned that way you would have never known.

[Barbara Dugan]

How can someone die from osteoporosis? This problem is usually treated with Boneva or other drugs to supplement bone loss provided that it is diagnosed. I have heard of bone breakage and other hardships but never heard of anyone dieing from osteoporosis. Please indulge my curiosity.

:hugs: Jamie

I also suffer from low testosterone. I am already on testosterone therapy .my doctor told me of the sides effect that it causes and osteoporosis is one of them but she never told me how bad it can get .
I really have the same curiosity

[Jamie001]

osteoporosis can be fought using Boneva? Why take Testosterone shots that have been proven to increase your chance of prostate cancer? I also have low T all of my life, but as a CD, increasing my T level is the LAST thing that I want to do. I would rather go on Boneva like GGs do.


I also suffer from low testosterone. I am already on testosterone therapy .my doctor told me of the sides effect that it causes and osteoporosis is one of them but she never told me how bad it can get .
I really have the same curiosity

[Karen7cd]

Some people like apples, some like oranges, some like both. Neither is better or worse then the other, just different.

[Alicia Grey]

When crossdressed, presenting as a female, and your object of attraction is female then are you a lesbian. If presenting as a female and your object of attraction is male, then you are not gay until you shed your femme attire then you are gay.

If the moon is full and you break out in fur you are a wear -- wolf.

Whatever you feel you are, you are. And that is a big five pound bag of "no-one's business but your own."

Lables are for containers not people.

[NathalieX66]

Wanna hear something weird?

My dad said to me about 15 years ago: " Hey, I don't care if you're gay, that's fine....just don't be one of those guys that wears a dress"

problem is, I'm not gay, and I like dresses.

[JulieK1980]

How can someone die from osteoporosis? This problem is usually treated with Boneva or other drugs to supplement bone loss provided that it is diagnosed. I have heard of bone breakage and other hardships but never heard of anyone dieing from osteoporosis. Please indulge my curiosity.

:hugs: Jamie


I'm fairly certain, something is amiss with low testosterone, leading to a deadly case of osteoporosis.... typo perhaps? I know low T can lead to osteoporosis, but managing calcium levels should negate the risk for that... But I'm not a doctor...

[PetiteTonya]

Wanna hear something weird?

My dad said to me about 15 years ago: " Hey, I don't care if you're gay, that's fine....just don't be one of those guys that wears a dress"

problem is, I'm not gay, and I like dresses.

...after 15 years since your father made that statement, not much has changed in terms of how we are perceived by society in general.

Having said that, have a Happy Halloween everyone!:)

[NathalieX66]

...after 15 years since your father made that statement, not much has changed in terms of how we are perceived by society in general.

Having said that, have a Happy Halloween everyone!:)

Agree....except in his case, he has a peculiar fixation with movie characters like Tootsie, Mrs Doubtfire, and the CD'er in the Broadway show The Producers.. I'm thoroughly convinced there's something going on inside his brain.

[Shananigans]

Neither is wrong or "worse." But, perhaps, the confusion in CDers defending their sexual orientation lies in that many people just automatically assume that a man dressing in women's clothing is a homosexual, so it just automatically feels like a point that should be addressed off the bat...

[Monica73]

Lots of opinions here. I've been told by many here that being CD is merely like wearing a different persona or even a different style of clothing. I'm still my wife's husband, still my kids' father, but to me I'm thinking I'm not gay. To me if you are gay you have an emotional and physical attraction to those of the same sex. If I'm CD then I'm still a man, but dressed up...man this is tough to answer. Very good question. Makes you think for sure!

[Starling]

While gay people still embody their natural gender, the female persona of a genetic male (or vice versa) is evanescent, insubstantial--"uncanny." The truer the illusion (while not being literally indetectible), the greater the degree of fascination, i.e., the inability to look away.

The compelling, even magical nature of transgenderism can either titillate or threaten the observer, and a threatened observer can be a danger. (Of course, a titillated observer can be a pest.)

Children have a stronger sense of the uncanny, because it is intuitive. They're not fooled by superficial attributes like feminine hairstyles, makeup and cinched waists. Little twerps.

:heehee: Lallie

[Kinky with Ink]

I could care less if people thought I was gay because I like to present myself as a woman on occasion (even if it is only by myself), get manicures done, wax my eyebrows or generally care about my appearance whether it be drab or en femme. It just so happens I do like men and yeah my fantasy is being with a guy en femme. Though I also like a beautiful woman just as much as I like a sexy guy. I just so happens I feel more comfortable with the gay crowd than most of my straight friends at this point in my life with a few exceptions. My loving GF who I've told about all of this is one of them.

People are going to think what they will, but it's about how secure you are with yourself and your own sexualism. I had to sit down and really examine what I wanted in life to be more confident about my own. Either way if you're straight, bisexual, gay, trans, MTF, FTM, open or closeted we are all still part of the LBGT community. We're all looking for acceptance and happiness in our journey through life.

[Alice Green]

I would say that neither is worse, they are both perfectly acceptable. Who cares what others think, I don't. I am gay and would never pass in public the way i am now but I only dress in private, Its something I do for me and no one else, who cares about what others think.