My wife now knows it all

[Julie-Ann Fletcher]

Hi girls,

Well yesterday me and the wife had a long long chat :eek::eek:

We have had a lot of problems over the last few years and we have grown further and further apart,then i find out she she was seeing another bloke at work for a bit of hanky panky :D


So we had a long talk about our troubles and eventually my crossdressing came up so i spilled the beans. :o

She has known for a while i like crossdressing but not to the extent it is at now,i mean i just had a few pairs of panties then but now i have the full works :D:D Apart from a bra but i'm working on that one :D

The good news is she seems to have accepted the fact that i want to dress like a girl but is still not sure where it will all end up.

In my mind i would love to end up with a real female body (lets hope the surgeon is a good one lol) but in reality i don't think it will happen,even i dont have the answer to her question.

This has made me a lot happier now i can talk to someone about it and has lightened the load that was on my shoulders a hell of a lot,i told her i also shave my body but left the bottoms of my legs hairy but this morning i removed that aswell now i am completely smooth all over and she accepts that part of my dressing,and i love it :D:D


So now we are still talking but hoping to give it another go,so i want all you girls to keep your fingers crossed for us that it all works out,


Thanxs for taking the time to read this and i hope you all understand what i've been babbling on about :o


Thanks girls


Avril xx :love:

[DaisyG]

It sounds like you both have a problem with trust. You, by not keeping her appraised of the extent of your crossdressing, and her by "seeing another bloke at work" If you are to stay together and enjoy a long, satisfying relationship, you MUST build and maintain trust, above just about everything else.

Now, if you truly "want to be a girl", and would really consider SRS, that's a wholly different matter. Then you may expect her, who after all married a guy, not a girl, to stray off with other blokes, and your marriage may well be destined to become so much wreckage.

On the other hand, if you really would be satisfied to enjoy crossdressing but remain a guy underneath, then you may have to prioritize. There will be times when she needs her guy, and you must be there for her, in guy mode. If you can see your way clear to do this, to be ready to resume guy mode when she needs it, your marriage can last and thrive.

Best wishes to you both,

Daisy

[Josey]

I'm no expert regarding your situation but sure you'll receive some great advise here on the forumn. At least your out in the open on such tough matters and seems both of you would like to give the relationship another go of it. Good luck!

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Avril

The good thing is you and your wife are now communicating

I hope you manage to work things out so you are both happy :hugs:

[Shari]

This is kind of rough to say, but I think that when you "spilled the beans" you just gave her justification for what she did.
I wonder what she'll tell the bloke from work.

[mklinden2010]

A,

Heads up!

You two are talking, and you really need to, but odds are good you're both working your way into different relationships. It's not about the guy and it's not about the crossdressing... It about continuing on the separate paths you have each been following lately as you find your ways in life.

This will eventually all turn out well, I think. But, be aware that you (either one or both of you) may have just entered a short "honeymoon" period where everyone takes a breath, then takes a step back from each other... Then another step back, and, then another, and, another.

It may be normal, it may be that you both need to do this. But, don't you be dazed and dazzled into thinking things are going to improve so much with THIS marriage. This conversation may be only a step, and a civil step, on going your separate ways. Which, again, can be a very good thing for you both.

Been there, did something very like that. "Things gotta change." It's OK. What you had wasn't working that great... Make some room in your relationship and see how you can both do better.

Don't expect, by the way, that anything long-term comes of this other fellow. It may... But, then again, he may just be a diversion for her as she did what you did in finding something closer to what she thinks she wanted at the time.

And, don't expect the crossdressing and the shaving to fill all your needs and desires in life either. Other people can make us happier, hobbies and interests can make us happier, but we make ourselves happy by choosing those people and those things that make us happy when all added together. "All things considered, I've got it gooooood."

Good luck to you, and, to your wife. You'll be on a slippery slope for a bit, I think, but there's no harm in a short slide, a short fall - especially if you can see it coming. "Heads up!" is what I'm saying; if you see it coming, it can be kind of fun.

"Whew! That was something! What's next?"

Good luck and good living.

[kathleensatin]

i am divorced now, but my wife found my things in the attic one time. she kept it to herself for four years. when we finally separated, she wrote me a scathing letter telling what a lousy father, husband, bread earner and role model i was. she also wrote she found my things in the attic and that it sickened her.

transvestic fetishism is a sympton that affects heterosexual men, so it is hard for women to relate to it. may assume it's homosexual behavior, but it is not. it is a form of obsessive compulsive disorder.

it is hard to have this fetish. the urges are strong and dressing up is like a calming drug. most simply don't understand.

over time, i hope your wife becomes accustomed to it because she needs to accept you for who you are.

i have vowed to myself that my next girlfriend will know all about it before we go any farther in the relationship. it is hard to tell someone you love and want to be with for life this urge we have, because we are so fearful of being rejected.

Kathleen

[Sarah_GG]

...i find out she she was seeing another bloke at work for a bit of hanky panky :D

You seem to have accepted this and dealt with it very matter-of-factly. Hopefully that's a good thing if you want to salvage your relationship and move forward together. Do you know why she pursued an alternative relationship?


She has known for a while i like crossdressing but not to the extent it is at now.... she seems to have accepted the fact that i want to dress like a girl but is still not sure where it will all end up... In my mind i would love to end up with a real female body... i dont have the answer to her question.

Can you be honest with her about this? If you can't then I can see no basis for trying to develop a mutually trusting relationship. If you're asking for her support, then you must give her the truth.

Please do introduce your wife to this forum. She may well have lots of questions she'd like to ask about crossdressing/transgenderism and she may like to join the FAB forum to get some support in her understanding of your issues.


transvestic fetishism is a sympton that affects heterosexual men, so it is hard for women to relate to it. may assume it's homosexual behavior, but it is not. it is a form of obsessive compulsive disorder.


Really????????

[giuseppina]

transvestic fetishism is a sympton that affects heterosexual men, so it is hard for women to relate to it. may assume it's homosexual behavior, but it is not. it is a form of obsessive compulsive disorder.


Can you cite any evidence to this effect in the professional journals?

[Julie-Ann Fletcher]

Thanxs for all your comments,

Most of you have asked other questions so i will go into it more detail.

As a couple we lived with our mom and dads when we met who all lived in a nice area so that was our aim as far as property was concerned to stay close to our parents and have a nice house in a nice area.

We started renovating houses we lived in with a view to selling and buying a bigger and better one and we are still doing it now but we pay builders to do the work as this was a deffinate strain on our relationship as all she wanted me to do was work on the house and as you can imagine after a week at work i did not want to work all weekend as well.

This made our relationship worse as i resented her as she would moan if i wanted to go out and pursue a hobby i was interested in (one day in every 3 weekends)

So all in all i think the houses have caused the majority of the problems.


As most men do i like to watch porn,she was out at a xmas party at the time and one of my mates had come round who i dont see very often as the mrs thinks hes a bit weird,we were sat in different parts of the room at the time,the mrs came home early and caught me with only a T shirt on with this mate still watching porn so as you can imagine she immediately thought i was gay i tried to convince her that nothing between us had happened but got a bit peed off the fact she still was not convinced,but what really peed her of was the fact i went to bed and slept while she stade (sp) up and still couldn't believe what she had saw (but in reality she saw nothing,only me in a T shirt) i supose.


But after that i did not talk to her about it and that is what she needed i think which is why she met this bloke at another xmas bash.So i think we are both to blame really that is why i have accepted what she did.

She has said to me it was after she caught me that she and him happened and it only lasted for 18 mths on and of so it was not a full blown affair,she admits she was totally in the wrong for doing it and has assured me it is over.


She did look through this forum with me last night and i think it was all a bit much for her (information overload i think she called it)I have said to her any questions just ask as now we have started talking about my dressing i do not want to stop as i really want her to accept me as a dresser.


Some one also mentioned about me only thinking about becoming a full time girl and telling her about that and be honest but i can not tell her if i do not know myself it may or may not get to that stage.

I do want "us" to work and stay together and i hope that this long talk which we are still having (not when the kids are there) will sort it out,i also understand that because of my need to crossdress she now sees me as a completely different person to the one she married so i supose she needs to get to know me again.


So sorry to bore you all but that is the long and short of it,but if you do have any more questions please ask,


Thanx for your time girls


Avril xx :love::love::love::love::love::drink:

[karen68]

hi avril hope all goes well and glad you got it all out in the open hun. You will feel better for that atleast:love::hugs: Karen

[Joselle3]

.

transvestic fetishism is a sympton that affects heterosexual men, so it is hard for women to relate to it. may assume it's homosexual behavior, but it is not. it is a form of obsessive compulsive disorder.

it is hard to have this fetish. the urges are strong and dressing up is like a calming drug. most simply don't understand.

That would be assuming that all
people who crossdress do so for fetishtic reasons .. That is just not the case.
Also I must say that OCD is not part of the problem when it comes to most crossdressers and TG people I have met and known..These people do not have irrational urges or compulsions.

[Sandra]

This has made me a lot happier now i can talk to someone about it and has lightened the load that was on my shoulders a hell of a lot,i told her i also shave my body but left the bottoms of my legs hairy but this morning i removed that aswell now i am completely smooth all over and she accepts that part of my dressing,and i love it :D:D




Hmmm just make sure that you don't put all the load on her shoulders, yes it's lightened your shoulders but don't make her heavy. Also don't let the pink fog take over, you've just told her you shave your body and then go ahead and do the bottom half of your legs, she may accept but don't go rushing things.


Keep the lines of communication open and answer any questions she has, as honestly as you can, but be prepared for days when she can't stand it.

[Ruth]

Avril, your signature says: "I hate my man bits and want to be a girl".
Nothing wrong with that on this forum but it's kind of hard to maintain a marriage (to a woman that is) with that as your motto.
There are many of us here who are, we like to think, happily married CDers, and we can maintain this because we partake of both sides: we can be a guy for her when she needs it, and we can be a girl for ourselves when we need it.
I suggest you think hard about that signature text and decide if it's really you.

[Karen564]

Some one also mentioned about me only thinking about becoming a full time girl and telling her about that and be honest but i can not tell her if i do not know myself it may or may not get to that stage.

:


This is the part of your dilemma that has me concerned, for your marriage down the road that is.
The thing is, if you do have deep & strong desires of wishing you were a woman instead of a guy, then this really must be addressed head on right now.
Dont try to fool yourself or anyone else for that matter that you dont know, because You Do know what you are & how you feel inside, so if you do have feelings of GID now, it would be best for you & everyone's sake to accept yourself now for what you are, rather than try to fight it for years, only to learn you cant go on as a man anymore..
If she is accepting your cross-dressing now, and goes along with it because your still her man, and do satisfy her as a man, it doesn't mean she will be as accepting when one day you say, honey, I need to be a woman now, that's when it can & usually does break the marriage apart..although there are a rare few that do stay together, but the odds of that happening aren't in your favor..
Just saying you need to dig down deep & examine what your true desires are vs. what your good intentions are..
So I suggest that you find a gender/sex/marriage therapist to explore this further..and then take it from there..

Best of luck to both of you..
:hugs:

[sherri52]

It's a tough road your on but it seems your moving in the right direction.